Should I forgive my spouse of 35 years?

U r still married ,they do it once they do it again .Been there ,not worth the pain .

This should be private, not on Facebook!!! See a counselor to help you.

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Go to counseling both of you.

You donā€™t decide if you can live with them, you decide if you couldnā€™t live without them.

Seem a professional marriage counselor

Doesnā€™t seem that honest or trustworthy to me

Life on earth is very shortā€¦dont waste precious time

I say dump him nowā€¦heā€™s just using you for a place to stay and someone to do things for himā€¦he is probably cheating nowā€¦and has cheated more than you knowā€¦get out nowā€¦and workmen being yourself.wgen you are readyā€¦look for someone totally oppisite.you will find the kind of man you deserveā€¦blessings for a happy life.

If youā€™re asking for my adviceā€¦donā€™t do it!!!

Do what will make you the happiest if there is still love. Also think of the comfort it may, or may not bring to your family as well. The best to you and yours. :two_hearts::heartpulse::blue_heart:

This guy is never going to thrill you. He has screwed it up too bad. There is someone else out there for you that will be a lot more fun! Someone that doesnt make you constantly question your worth and sanity.

Get with a counselor to help

They donā€™t change. If he truly ever cared about you he wouldnā€™t have let himself be put into a situation where infidelity could happen. Actions speaks louder than words.

Itā€™s not to late for you to start over ,without him

Only you know the answer to that.

Yes counseling but if you went involved with church initially you might fair well with a counseling professional who doesnā€™t have a churchy angle. It may drive another wedge if he isnā€™t comfortable. You donā€™t want to go extreme in one side or the other. An accountability partner could help but they have to be like minded

I say move on. Once a cheat always a cheat. Yes itā€™s hard that you have a long history and kids but if your gut says noā€¦ listen. Your heart has been broken and it is not ready to trust him. Iā€™ve been in your situation. Sadly I made the wrong choice and wasted even more years only to find out he was still cheatingā€¦ find an honest man who only wants you.

Let him go! Heā€™s already proven to you that heā€™s going to keep cheating!

Go to a physiologist for someone neutral to talk to

Dont do anything in a hurry and be very careful x

Walk away. Best thing you can do for yourself.

Nope he donā€™t have good intentions he another woman is involved heā€™s playing you sorry

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You must decide whats best for you then you can work out if you want him back or notā€¦
Not good if he strayed with someone you no n confided in about your relationship ā€¦they took advantage of your situation n played their cardsā€¦
What do you want in life ā€¦do you think your worth more than sloppy secondsā€¦can you be best friends n find someone who lovesn respects youā€¦
This is your journey n despite feeling scrambled right now you need to focus n make the most of your future ā€¦life is too short to be dealling with emotional torture

You are worth much more than thisā€¦my thoughts are he is not telling the truth about the other woman and he needs you for a place to stay or he WOULD NOT HAVE MENTIONED IT!

Leave . It may hurt but not forever :broken_heart:

Girl, let that schmuck go! He is using you! Live the life that youā€™ve always dreamed of! It is achievable! Donā€™t let the past deter you! Go for it! You deserve it!

Go to a counselor for yourself first and figure out what you really want. Forgiving someone for cheating is hard, but not impossible. Then get into coupleā€™s counseling. If he chooses not to do so, itā€™s just another excuse as men are no good at endings even if itā€™s what they want.

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Honey if heā€™s talking to another women itā€™s time to let go. My husband did the same thing. Guess what he ended up marrying her. 35 years is a long time . We were married only 2 1/2 yrs. But what ever you do u could be in for a heart break.

Stick with what your heart is telling you.

History does not trump a sacred marriage vow, forsaking all others. He is playing you both.

Once a cheater always a cheater. The ultimate test to prove he wanted to save your marriage is your separation and he failed. Time to kick that cheater to the curb and get your own life and be happy. Change is hard but you can do it. We are women, hear is roar

Move on. If you keep doing what youā€™ve always done, youā€™ll keep getting what youā€™ve always got!

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Let him go. He lives you but is unhappy in the marriage.

Honey, move on, the douchebag was out there with other women, and heā€™ll keep using the ā€œwere separatedā€ for yrs to come and every time heā€™s with another woman. The emotional and mental stress is so NOT worth it.

Sounds like a miserable history. So heā€™s manipulating her or you or both? Flush that turd.

Leave his ass. They never change. A cheater stays a cheater, itā€™s like a drug to them. Be safe

Make him read this post. Itā€™ll kill him from boredom. You will get everything.

All men cheat. Itā€™s great being on your own.

Kick him in the dick and move on. He respects her more than you already by staying there and telling her everything (transparency) get a young guy with a big dick and move on. Or get a margarita and a vibrator and do you. He wont change and if he does will be for 3 months max back at same habits. He had an itch and scratched it and he knows how to scratch it again this time smarter and knowing you dont value yourself enough to move on. Harsh but true! Know YOUR WORTH queen!

To me it seems like hes keeping all options open, and either you or her are ace in the hole, on the back burner and being strung along. Imo. Let him go. Hes going to keep that door open. Start practicing going places and doing things on your own. Get a project. Take a class. Go on a road trip. And let him go. Cherish the good memories and history, let the hurts abate, and move on to the new, different and exciting phase, that isnt full of emotional turmoil. Because, he isnt going to close that door and you will live in stress if you have to live with that.

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This man is only being ā€œHonest With Youā€ because he knows what he can get away with. He knows that youā€™re accepting of whatever it is that he does. The excuse of yā€™all ā€œNot Being Togetherā€ is just ā€œAnother Excuseā€ for him to juggle ā€œYouā€ and this ā€œSo-called Friendā€, without receiving any backlash from you OR her. At the end of the day, donā€™t allow how long youā€™ve been together to be the reason why you continue on with this situation. If heā€™s using a lease as an excuse for living with this womanā€¦Itā€™s obvious that this is where he wants to be!:100:

Heā€™s lying. Been there and believed everything until the light bulb went off in my head. There may be free counseling for you and your family. Please pursue it. See if you can get legal help and for goodness sakes, donā€™t blame yourself. Heā€™s. A. Liar!

Listen to your head. That is the rational one. He crossed a line and so did she, separated or not!!! There should be more loyalty from your friend. Cut him loose. If he really wanted to reconcile with you, he wouldnā€™t even be looking or considering others. You would be his only focus!!!
Work on you and it will get better and you will get stronger.

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Save yourself more pain and get divorced.
Your life will be so much happier.

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Ypu were living apart for a year and he got involved with someone else. In my opinion that would be expected.

Your asking Facebook to fix your marriage? Maybe you should seek counseling alone then together and define your ideas and wants! Clear the air with professionals. This is your life not a FB couch time! Face book is defiantly not the place to ask! Best of luck!

My husband and I separated 4 times over a twenty year periodā€¦due to alcoholisimā€¦I eventually realized the reason we got back together wasnā€™t loveā€¦it was out of habitā€¦as much as I didnt want toā€¦I had to break that habitā€¦you should let him go and give yourself a break.

It canā€™t be up to the people on here . You have to make the decision. Talk to a minister oe someone you trust, but donā€™t let us decide for you. This is to important.

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Well I know from experience how they lie and manipulate. They act as if they were the betrayed!! No. Truth , f he goes to another for whatever excuse he offers heā€™s lying and will continue to do so. Heā€™s made a choice and you are not it. That is your reality . That is what you have with him. Your choice is do you allow it ? Can you live like that? Do you choose to be treated like that? Loving him might be but you are allowing him to disregard and lie to you . Give him his man panties, maybe something you prob didnā€™t buy fir him and she did and change the locks . Find a good shrewd lawyer and move on. Or stay and you will be back telling everyone itā€™s another year another month will he stop seeing her? Hell no. Wake up

I wonā€™t give advice on relationships. If it were me I wouldnā€™t take him back. Sorry but once they cheat there will always be a lack of trust and wondering if itā€™s happening again.

Never ever forgive cheating. Divorce him and find a man that loves you enough to keep his penis away from other women.

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If she doesnā€™t fart in bed. That should make u wonder what else sheā€™s holding back

35 yrs is a long time. I say talk it out let him demostrate that heā€™s sorry. But dnt let him move in.

If your best friend was in this situation, what would you advise her to do? Do that.

Leave him once a cheater always a cheater. They donā€™t stop cheating just get more careful so as not to get caught again.

You better love and respect yourself, kick him out

Leave him once a cheater always a cheater!!

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Dump his ass. He cheated on you over and over

Asking for advice on Facebook think about it

Counseling big time.

Professional help asap

Only you can make that decision

Move onā€¦he already has

How can people put all there personal stuff on Facebook?

Talk with him listen to him ask questions. Take your husband back you love him and miss him. Forgive him

Only you can prevent forest fires.

Leopards donā€™t change their spots.

History. Schmistory!

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Talk to the other woman

Nope itā€™s done love yourself and your kids :pray::broken_heart::sob::heart:

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You asking?? So Iā€™m giving you my honest opinion :smiling_face: Youā€™ve given 35 yrs. of your lifeā€‹:heart: So, take some time for yourself n him. If you guys are meant to be together forever!! It will happen no matter what??? Take your ME timeā€‹:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: n have funā€‹:partying_face: He will come around!!! Totally love yourself firstā€‹:kissing_heart::100::heart::pray:So you can love othersā€‹:smiling_face_with_three_hearts: Good luck n hope you find what you already getā€‹:wink::heart::100::kiss::pray:

Heā€™s turned into a hobosexual.
Woman, open your eyes.

I would follow my heart you deserve so much more

Trust me me ve forward.

I heard my husband talking to his used to be secretary who he said he hated about getting together. I caught you, big slut.

Hes a loser and you want more?

Stop being a volunteer to his victimization. You will survive and be stronger

Save heart ache and let him go.

Do you not trust him

This isnā€™t Ann Landers

Once a cheater all ways a cheater

I think you need to take some time to yourself. Sounds like you put up with way too much. Iā€™d look up narcissist and gaslighting. Itā€™s obvious you havenā€™t gotten over the affair. I personally wouldnā€™t have waitedā€¦ number of years mean nothing when someone isnā€™t true. Itā€™s 35 years of fake love and wasted time.

Seek professional help!!

Go to God in prayer!

Why cant he renew his lease? I would extend seperation for 1 more year. If you are not well then maybe the kids can help out more. Your husband might be going thru mid life crisis. He obviously still has feelings for you. You have to decide if you still have feelings for him. But if you remain seperated he will probably seek out companioship with someone else. Is that ok with youā€¦you need to ask yourself why he would have relationships with someone else in the first place. What is missing in your relationship with him. Can you change that? If not then maybe just let him go. Only you have to be truthful to yourself and ask yourself the hard questions. Could you have been more romantic and sexually active with him. Or was it always on your terms. Years ago there was an old saying that if they arent getting at home they are getting it somewhere. Hormones are very strong in men as well as women. Men want sex. They will get it somewhere. Sex is the reason men have affairs. If no sex at home they are likely to look elsewhere.

Do what you feel and what your heart is telling you! If you love him and canā€™t imagine life without him then see what happens! Life is precious and short!

I think he took a ā€œbreakā€ to play the field, not work on his marriage. Let him go live with her. Your best years with him are behind you, and it doesnā€™t sound like they were all that great. Work on loving yourself and let him go. Cut off all communication with this player. Show yourself some love because he surely isnā€™t. These are supposed to be the best years but he is living his best life while you are trying to work things out. Sounds like he is working things out, just not with you. Move on and love yourself.

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Cheating is Unforgivable ! The trust is gone and you will always be suspicious of him . Walk away.

He sounds like a mess. 35 years together or not, Iā€™d bounce out of there. Boy, bye! :wave:t4::woman_shrugging:t4:

I would never forgive him. No matter history between us.

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It can take a men half hour to cheat. So he did it once i would not trust him again

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Donā€™t sleep with him, heā€™s stealing your pride, forgiveness is a gift and so are lessons, I forgave my husband 3 times, we both learned alotttt :heart: but my ultimate advice is donā€™t sleep with him and heal yourself first.

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Your the go between when no one else Is there! His back up when others fail. He is not with someone so now he needs a place to go. DONā€™T fall for it.

See how he acts when he thinks you have a lover! That will tell you all you need to know

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If you donā€™t take him why in the world would you waste time wondering were he would go? If you donā€™t want him why would it matter? Iā€™m pretty sure you already know what to doā€¦

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Pray on itā€¦ Let God glide you.

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If a person truely love u they will never do anything to hurt uā€¦ so i believe cheating is the biggest way a man can ever hurt a woman

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Get rid of him. He cheated on you. He has no respect for you or your relationship. He is being nice bc he needs a place to live. Donā€™t be his doormat.

It is easy enough for others to say. run, leave him,. once a cheater always a cheater. I do not believe that. But you are missing the main questions here. Would you be able to forgive him? Would you be able to live with what he had done and build trust back up in your relationship? THAT is what you need to be asking yourself. Because if you can not say yes to both of those questions then what is the point of even trying to make it work? You will always be looking to see if he is talking to someone else. or sneaking to see someone. That in its self will kill the relationship. If you both really truly love each other and you can forgive him and slowly start building trust again, Then try to give it a go again, But if you really donā€™t feel like you can build that trust and be able to really forgive. Letting go and moving on may be the best for both of you.

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He isnā€™t honest with you. Move on.

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