Forgive him if you can.But letting him move in is a mistake.Wait till he has no motive for wanting this reconciliation. Then take baby steps and counseling.
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35 Years . You know what you need to do. Sounds like a Merry go Round! Get the help you need and keep it moving. Time is too valuable!!!
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Please never under estimate your self worth, value or most of all your inner peace. Recently divorced 30 years!
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Move on.
It sounds like he is just saying what you want to hear.
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Forgiveness is not for other people. It is to free you from the offense. It is not a feeling but a choice. Use wisdom and get wise counseling.
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I am sorry that this is going on in your life but he has moved on and has doing so for a while. Protect yourself
legally, financially and most of all donāt
beat yourself up keep your dignity
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Forgive him and move on with your life. I think you know this relationship is not made out of love. You love the man you thought he was not who he is.
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Been thru this for years and it gets better on the other side.Just take care of yourself and have fun. God will work this out.
I promise if you give all of it to God he will tell you what to do it happen to me and God carved my answer on my chest to let him go and one day I would be happier than I have ever been and itās so true I am good luck but give it to God
Walk away now! He will never change, will tell you lies to manipulate you, will continue to cheat, and actually wants you too, but believes (as a man) he has a right to a lifestyle as he chooses. Run, donāt, walk!
His actions do all the speaking for him. Are his actions honorable? You really do need to speak with a councilor who can help you find your own answers to some very important questions. Deep down you really do know what you need to do, you are trying to avoid being honest with yourself about YOUR feelings.
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For a marriage to break up, there is problems on both sides. He has issues and You have issues. People donāt break up if they are happy. You have to get to the bottom of the issues, otherwise this will never work. Communication is number one. Learn to really sit down and let it all out. If You can do that, Youāre headed in the right direction. Remember, move forward. Donāt go backwards. Good luck. I really hope You both can work it out.
You do not deserve that! He is lying to you. If he wanted to work on it he would NOT be someone else
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Get rid off him for good you sound like a lively person and donāt deserve give yourself time to heal and move on and find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated if I found out my husband had cheated on me heād be out that door no matter how much I loved him it be bye see ye made ye bed lie in it
How about telling him to do some real soul searching, and some real growing up, and when he is absolutely ready to be monogamous to call you, and if you draw a line in the sand of what you will not tolerate, it is over for good if he crosses it. In the meantime save those intimaciesā¦
I say that you schould go to talk with a pasrer in your Church. If you dont have one then fi d one
Talk to God first
And he schould do the same. You schould go togather and talk to your Paster.
35 years is hard to give up on.
But. I ask my sealf will he do it over and in my cass he did and over a lot in my Cass there were orther things like
Druges, Alchall, and abuse. And only mared 3 years. But i talked to a paster of the Church near my home at the time
And it healped
I made chainges
For mysealfand he went to jesil
For arson so we divorce BUT you
Bioth can go togather and work on these if you love eatch other you can save your marage.
You and your husband should go to counseling together. He wants to work it out. You also want to work it out. Where there is a will, there is a way. Best wishes to you both.
Me and my husband were married for 35 years he cheated. It was always on my mind it was hard to trust bug I forgave him he continued to cheat because. He thought I would always forgive it finally ended when he slept with my sister he s has passed now. But Theres STIll times if I dwell on it to much I will get mad
Same shit different day. If it happened once itāll happen again. And he found a way to blame you for hom seeing someone. Canāt have love without trust and canāt ever trust a cheater. You know of once, thereās probably multiple times. You are asking for it to happen again if you get back with him.
Iād go talk to the other woman, not in anger, if youāre getting played she is too. So just ask her in a calm not hateful voice, about his relationship. Tell her nicely the way you feel. I think if youāre kind to her youāll find out all you need to know.
Both of you need counseling if you try to make your marriage work. However if you go this route you both need to ditch that " friend ".
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Please seek counseling for youā¦ you need to see that you are worth more ā¦ he replaced you very quickly when he thought you were separatedā¦ know your self worth pleaseā¦ you are worth it
Are you just afraid to be alone. Afraid to deal with your own life and all the unknowns that come after a long marriage. I believe most women stay in difficult marriages/relationships because the things known are familiar and easier, less fearful than facing a new life of the unknown alone.
Iād say he wants his cake and eat it , let him go for now as he knows youāre soft
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God bless your heartā¦ I pray you make a decision that you will benefit from the most ā¦ emotionally and spiritually
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History is here nor there. History means exactly what it is. Donāt base your relationship on how much history you have together. I found that out the hard way. In order for you all to get back together you both have to seek marriage counseling to find out where everything went wrong and to see if you both actually want to really work this marriage out. Donāt do it for the kids because once they grow up and are gone itās back to just the two of you. So you really need to figure that part out. Pray a lot and ask God to see you through this. God will give you the signs and open doors but itās up to you to see the opened doors. Whatever you do donāt base your decision off of your emotions. Cry, scream, do whatever you need to do and then get a clear head and come up with a plan and go from there. Hope this helps. God bless and take care!
You have to live with your decision, are you going to be miserable the rest of your life without him, or miserable the rest of your life with him? Sometimes the grass seems greener only to not be. Just imagine your life without him and see if thatās what you want
If youāre monogamous, im sorry, but yes, youāre being a fool. Clearly heās not too broken up or he wouldnāt be seeing other people. And if youāve been intimate, why would he āthinkā you donāt want to work things out? See the writing on the wall my friend. History or not, move on or continue to stay heart broken.
A lot of people have there own opinions and advice, but the only person you should be asking is yourself. How do you feel. It is confusing and he may be saying all the things you want to hear but you have to ask yourself the questions you want answered. Write down your questions,. Fold up your paper and set it aside for a few hours then go back to it and answer them yourself. Only you know whatās in your heart. Trust yourself. If you decide to take him back, set some ground rules and go on a retreat, one of those couples retreat. While you are on your retreat youāll be able to see better and know what you want to do. Like I said trust in yourself. You can do it.
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Donāt waste the rest of your life hoping he has changed they donāt change live your life being happy I been their when I got rid of the dark cloud I have been very happy many yrs now enjoy what you have left if you go back there is nobody to blame for your misery but you
Hereās my thoughtā¦
35 years is a lot of years to just throw away! Correct me if Iām wrong but itās sounds like itās been that 1 woman that he cheated with but carried out a relationship with her after you 2 separated?? I went through this about 11 years into my marriage and it was the WORST time in my life! My husband had an affair with a co-worker and it broke me to my darkest! I literally have PTSD until this day and weāve been married 191/2 years already. I took him back but he kept finding his way back to her and about the 3rd time of me catching him, I was really done! I caught him at her house several times. He expressed that he loved her and was in love with her! It was like I didnāt even matter to him. I should have never even given him more than a 2nd chance but I did. But I ended up taking him back a 4th time. It was the hardest time of my life because he truly was my knight and shining armor. I had gotten hurt my entire life and I just wanted to be free of that and just when I threw my hands up and said, āIām done!ā, God said, āno youāre not!ā. I ended up giving him a 4th chance and we are happier and more in love today than we have ever been! Iām not at all saying to give him that many chances, but I am saying give him that 2nd chance that he deserves and God will lead you from there. I always said, " fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me!!". God will guide you! Iām praying for you!
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I canāt say if you should stay. Thatās ur decision. But, some marriages go thru hardships. But, I feel once a cheater, always a Cheater. But, people can change. I hope everything works out for you and your marriage. My ex ( we were together for 8 years) cheated on me with a 15 year old. I was DONE.
I would give him another chance. Sounds like your heart wants too. And you also said he wants to. Start living. Think of outings, and bonding experiences for your family. Cook together, build together. Get to know deeper parts about the two of you. Set up a sitter. Go forwardā:+1:
You can forgive if he straightens out, but youāll never forget. Itās your personal decision on what to do. People here and there will tell you to get rid of him, but the majority never dealt with this situation so go with your heart. Youāll know.
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Major red flags here. He wants his cake & to eat it tooā¦. Nup. Time to move on girl! Tell him itās over & to sort out his own accommodation & that u wonāt be an āemptyā for him between visits with the new fluff. Give urself a spa day, new hair cut or colour, change the locks & get the girls to take u out for a night on the town.
Are you insinuating that you take him back so he would not move in with that other person. Doesnāt sound like a very good reason to take him back. Besides that if he canāt afford his own place to live and has to live off other people he doesnāt sound like a very good catch (Maybe thatās why he stays with you)
Remember the old saying ā A tiger never loses its stripesā they can dye them And be really nice but eventually The dye starts fading and you end up with the same thing before
My husband and me divorced each other 2 times. We got remarried again 2 years ago.
I think we now finally figured it out. You can message me if you need to talk.
You have a history together and it sounds like you both love each other. If you both want this, and if he agrees to go to marital counseling, I think you all can have a great marriage.
Please, both of you read this. https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?adgrpid=55071440134&dchild=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw3f6HBhDHARIsAD_i3D_VIyId6tWcgTWWweS7gmkaT3a3o0YnG6eSZY95npbseeh4O00DxoEaAvIQEALw_wcB&hvadid=409974680121&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9013463&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=372170429116882564&hvtargid=kwd-1268962671&hydadcr=15176_11424829&keywords=love+language+book&qid=1627451388&sr=8-3
In my view once trust is broken of is an issue it will most probably always will be. However whatever decision you make I wish you well. Xx
Soooo his lease is up and the only place he can stay is is at another womanās place?? 
Iāve found that relationships shouldnāt be that hard. You either want to be with someone or you donāt. None of this waffling back and fourth and unclear actions. Because youāve been together that long, you can still have feelings but sometimes people change and grow apart.
Of course he wants you back! You always forgive him no matter what he does! Who wouldnāt want to be in a marriage with the mother of your children and all the creature comforts of home AND be able to cheat when the spirit moves you? What you have here is serious co-dependency. You feel so good when things are good between you and you are miserable when things arenāt good. You forgive him to feel good again. Much like a drug addict, you are hooked. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, hubby is only looking to keep a roof over his aging head yet shows no signs of slowing his ponies. You are right now showing signs of mental clarity. You know something isnāt right but youāre having difficulty identifying it. Stop talking to him and start thinking about yourself. You are the one who needs attention, not him. Seek professional help. You can do this! Best wishes!
Iām 73yo married 2x, next year #40 married 45 together, some bumps later. Stay away from him & start fresh. There are way too many entanglements here, economic & personal, so definitely DO NOTLETHIM MOVE IN! That really caught my eye & shows his true motives to you are ulterior.
If someone want to be with you should be their only interest & their financial situation solid BEFORE any big relationship choices. People may change but it is rare & they are very very slow & Iāve never seen that without major professionals or spiritual help. He is manipulating you. Say goodbye. 
Heās got the best off both worlds, he can move forward and still have you in the background in case it doesnāt work. X
My husband cheated. Threw him out I had a 4yr old & a 10 month old baby but I filed for child support. & managed no regrets he paid for his mistakes
Change the locks you donāt need him he is just making you think you do after 35 years he knows you so well he thinks give him a suprise show him you can get on fine without them he will hate that
This is not the forum for that issue or any major crisis. seek counseling because none of these folks on here are professional marriage counselors I know that I am not, and they are probably having just as much issues as you or moreā:dancer:t6:
Sometimes things happen for a reason,and then again you keep holding dearly to the memories,to that unconditional love that you still have that person,regarles all the lies ,the cheating,the excuses ,the lame stories ,u know that if you let go ,at the beginning is going to be hard ,sad,until you put your self together ,u will arise little by little and become more stronger ,deep inside you want to love and be love and start a new relation ,but then here comes the doubts,the insecurities,the bad memories ,and that is everything will be inside war ,that will never go away,you see IAM in the same boat like you 13 yrs is been a rollercoaster,the difference is he is still here,wonāt go,he said he love me his way,but that doesnāt matter cause I donāt feel the same ,is like went he betrayed me,half of my heart broke and is pieces ,I been trying to clue back the pieces but is hard ,since 2016 we are just roommates,he might want some intimacy ,but not me,cause is like a movie in my head ,Everytime he try to touch me,or kiss me ,I only see him with the other one ,Everytime he speak or try to be romantic ,I only remember all the texts and words he will said to the other one,I will get so angry ,half of me hate him ,cause he make me realize that all this time I was living inside a bubble,I was blind ,naive to trustfully,but now that bubble pop and I canāt help feeling this way,I still care for him and yes love him but in a different way,I been sick lately and weak and he is there ,trying to be helpful,I took care of him for 12yrs,so now this yr is his time ,to prove himself and to me that he really want to be responsable ,a man,then again that will take time ,and I canāt be there all the time resolving everything ,I need time for my self ,this is a puzzle and I need to put all the pieces together for good,alone or maybe with someone,I want to be happy and in peace,we are together ,he is with me ,but IAM not with him in a way,and is sad,stressing,so my dear friend is up to you either you move forward and be you and live your life ,or stay there watching from far how other live their life ,with lame excuses ,get away with the lies and insecurities ,and draining you out ,until you disappear ,I wish you the best ,keep your head up,be you love ok God bless,IAM still here and standing ,surviving,
He immediately had an affair as soon as you had a rough spot hmm personally I think thereās more. 35 or 2 yrs is irrelevant it seems that you automatically believe everything he tells you but you will find out that thereās much more. My suggestion is that you seek counseling for yourself get to know you and what you want. As you gain power in yourself then make a decision. Dont feel sorry for him he cheated get fricking mad let him suffer you have to lookout for you and your children 35 yrs and he goes out and screw some chickā¦give yourself a break
If you love him Iād give him a chance. See how things are in a year. My husband and I had 60 years together. We had ups and downs but not many because we worked through everything and didnāt give up on each other. When we met it was love at first sight for both of us. Heās been gone two and a half years and Iāve cried every day since. I just want him to come through the door but I know he never will again. Thatās why I say donāt throw away all the years youāve had together because you never know what tomorrow may bring and you donāt want to live with sad regrets that you should have done something different. Try counseling if you think it might help you but you both have to work together and communicate with each other. Marriage is not a 50/50 situation, itās 100/100 situation. Just make sure you talk to each other and have a date night once a week or month. Whatever you can do.
You are the only one that can make that decision!
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Iām not the one to ask or give an answer. In my opinion Iād move on. My ex cheated the whole 16 years marriedā¦ and friends and family knew not me.
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Go back , to your marriage though things wonāt be the same but you will have to work it out. MAY God help you.
Since you separated and you feel like you do. Itās up to you to let him back in or tell him goodbye.
Forgiveness isnāt always taking the person back. You can also forgive and move on. The most important thing you could do right now is get counseling before you make any decisions. The purpose of a separation is for the parties to work on issues. If he isnāt willing to put in the work, you have your answer.
Pray, forgive and get counciling. 35 years is something to fight for. At least youāll know you did everything you could to save your marriage.
Donāt you think you deserve better than that? Of course you do. It will be difficult. Sometimes seem down right impossible but you can do it.
If he is not fully ready than no. It seems like he has an agenda. He needs a place to stay, he thinks you will feel sorry for him and let him in. I believe no matter what you choose he wonāt stop talking to or seeing her. Give it to the Lord and ask him to reveal to you what he wants you to do.
Walk away. Love him from a distance if you must, and encourage healthy relationships with the children. A leopard doesnāt change its spots and heās proven that. The only way you can reconcile is to accept heāll be deceitful and he will always have someone on the side.
Your going to have people on both sides of the fence on this one so itās hard to decide whoās right or wrongā¦ because there isnāt really a right or wrong answerā¦ I struggle with the fight between my head and my heart and being afraid to let go or notā¦ my feelings on this are you put your heart and soul into a 35 year long relationship he cheatedā¦ you took a break to figure things out and he started talking to another women because he didnāt think you wanted him backā¦ heās already assuming how you feel and attaching himself to another women instead of communicating with you and working on things or at least expressing how he feels or what he may think your feelingā¦ I feel as if heās already checked out and is moving on as a back up plan for his own self and a place to lay his head at nightā¦ itās hard for you and the kids Iām sure but the bond is broken and youāll always carry doubt in the back of your mind and if he didnāt come home on time or didnāt answer your phone call youāll start to think the worst and thatās a horrible feelingā¦ your gut knows best look for the signs talk to god (if you go to church or what your religion may be) I found when I went to church the sermons always spoke to me itās almost like no one else was in the room and it was god talking to me through the pastor and telling me everything I questioned for so longā¦ take time to think it out and play out the ideas in your head if you stay or go your own wayā¦ it will come to you I promise but it wonāt be easy
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decisions, decisions,., your the one who has to live with that decision.take your time decidingā¦
Work it out. After 25 years and all our up and downs, I do believe I need him as much as he needs me.
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I seriously believe that the male species doesnāt think itās as bad as the female species. I worked in a setting for 16 yrs where this was discussed 1/1 with these men. I am a female that was in a management position at the time. Men considure it almost natural. They will tell you they love their wives, would never consider leaving them but feel itās almost normal. Some of them were in positions where it never have been even remotely acceptable. BY was a huge contributer to that train of thought, seconded by acting before thinking. I feel everyone can make a mistake, not multiple mistakes. Itās also a very personal situation & everyone needs to spend some time on their own situation & thoughts as itās a very personal issue & effects everyone differently. Maybe even consult a marriage counselor for a neutral opinion &/or helping with your own long term thought process.
You should try to get back together.
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You canāt work things out if you are separated! But I would tell him in no uncertain terms that there can be no other woman in his life. It is you and you only!!!
35 years is a loooong time to throw away over some pussy. Put ur pride away, make it work!
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Forgiveness means you have to let go of the past, period! If you love and trust him, I say go for it! What do you have to lose?
Honey is playing you. I left a marriage of 25 years. It will be hard at first then you will breath and relax like you havenāt in years.
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Didnt you say you guys had already had several bad times, problems etcā¦that should be explanation enoughā¦ Im afraid that he already knows you would get back together and after a while he would just go back to his old ways
Canāt be trustworthy and still be with you. Move on to greener pastures.
If he wanted save the marriage and be with you he wouldnāt be with another woman. Let him go and Iām sure he will soon realise the grass isnāt greener on the other side Call his bluff
history does not make a marriage history is being comfortable with the other person and knowing each other
Maybe itās yr turn to have an affair and see if u really do want home back for more of the same.
If you love him start over. It will be hard but down the track that affair will be where it should be, in the past
Interesting how people react to these types of betrayalsā¦ personally I wouldnāt have cared since I would have divorced him as soon as I knew he cheated the first timeā¦ idc, a selfish person like this is the worst kind of partner-have you questioning your own self worth because they didnāt value you properlyā¦ see thatās why you donāt need to look at the last 35 yrs just at the last few and really think-has it been good or did you just have rose coloured love goggles onā¦
Run donāt wait another minute. He will never change. Why should you live with someone who doesnāt respect you. You deserve better.
Are you only wanting him back because he is with someone else.
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The older you get,the more desperate to find a lover.fact,fact he or she is more desperate for a lover is the one to capitulate,fact,fact ,factā¦hehehe
I also believe in forgiveness over and over. No is perfect. People make mistakes.
I have an unpopular opinionā¦ I think that heās desperate for a place to live and is just telling you what you want to hear to achieve that goal. He has cheated, started a sexual relationship with someone while also seeing you, yet he blames you and excuses his behavior by saying he got the impression that you didnāt want to reconcileā¦ heās laying it on you to manipulate you. If you were still having intimate moments and communicating than he was fully aware that you were interested in working things out. itās going to be painful for you to take him in under these circumstances. Iād wait to see if he is just feeding you B. S. so that he can move in. I guarantee that if you refuse, he will get angry and blame you for HIS problems and yes, he will go to her as his contingency plan. Save yourself the heartache and humiliation and cut him loose ā¦ at least long enough to see his true colors. You are strong, you can get through this and feel great when you realize you have a wonderful life ahead working on YOURSELF. Donāt settle for this disrespect. Love yourself. I can only imagine his reaction if you started dating someoneā¦ he would quickly see that his cushion, meal ticket and back up plan was moving onā¦ and you would see his intentions.
I guess thatās up to you. 35 yrs is a long history, but I mean he cheated on you, heās lying to his friends about you, and it sounds a lot like heās dating somebody and just looking for somewhere to crash when his lease is upā¦ Thatās a pretty big old box of red flags.
If he canāt move back with you, he already has another place to move to ?
Good by and keep on trucking .
Honestly, you just need support and to put your feelings out there.
You will do what you feel is right and itās not anyone elseās decision but yours. 
We donāt know him or you and itās unfair to say he is this or that or you should do this or that, because you married him, so we know heās not a bad guy.
When people do things āto usā itās one thing, he did that āto himselfā.
Because of the affair, you may already resent him, even if you try not to.
Counseling is good, and self-counseling is also much needed, imo.
You never āwastedā the years together. Never a waste when weāre still here to tap about it.
Nope!!! I stopped at AFFAIR!! WTH IS WRONG WITH SOME WOMAN THESE DAYSā¦ HE WASNāT CARING ABOUT YāALL RELATIONSHIP WHEN HE WAS CUPCAKING AND GETTING IT IN. SMH NO NO. DONāT BE BOO BOO THE FOOL 
Part of the intimacy of being a couple is to be able to confide in and build up each other- be each otherās friends. I donāt know about this current situation. I ,myself, would be leery.
If he is only coming back for a place to stay. Let him go. Better days are ahead
is counseling an option for you? I think it would help you both
Sounds like something I been through no matter how much it hurts your better off w/o him,youāll do better,it was a repeating thing w my ex until I finally had the balls enough to kick him out now Iām buying a house n may have a new in my life
I would just let him go. Itās going to happen again. You have given 35 years donāt waste anymore time of your life on this man. Move on start enjoying your life now.
If u let him back, you will be the one hurt, can u handle feeling like a fool?
Honey a leopard does not change his spots.
Im So sorry youāre going through this. My heart aches for you. The first thing you always have to remember is, never let your heart to do your headās job." Donāt let your heart think for you, it will lead you wrong every time.
Just my opinion but it appears that your husband is āgaslightingā you. Personally, I would cut off all contact with him. Trust me, He knows youāre vulnerable right now and heās using your situation against you. PLEASE DONāT LET HIM MOVE BACK IN YOUR HOUSE!!! Heās you going to use you until his situation gets better and heāll leave again. Let him move in with the person he had an affair with and letās see how that turns out.
The thing about men is, they always know what they want and they never deny themselves. If he wanted you, he would definitely do everything in his power to get you back, otherwise he really doesnāt want you and you can learn to live with that. Sometimes it happens in life, the person we really want, doesnāt want us.
Prepare yourself to move on. Re-invent yourself. Take some time to know you. Please donāt continue to sleep with this man, for obvious reasons. Move on. Donāt let him entangle your dignity and continue to play you. Just let go and cut contact no matter how much it hurts. Find you someone else. Heās Playing You!!
I donāt think this will repair without couples counseling. Otherwise you may never forgive. Personally I would move on and learn to live anew.
Life is too short. Opportunities exist for everyone. Only you can decide what makes you happy. You are valued and worthy. 
Listen to your heart and I would only do what makes you happy I been there and let someone I loved deeply let go and i never ever got the chance to work it out I told him goodbye when I buried so you do it for you if you love him take that chance I will be praying for you
Marriage counseling if you want this to still work
I recommend getting counselling. They will help you navigate you to make the best decision for you. Good luck xo
Forget the history! Donāt go back
Once a cheater ways a cheater. My ex did that to me and I got a divorce. Cod never trust him again
Iām also in a long marriage, I say no life to short and hard enough without trust issues, best of luck to you
A good book Id read and it helped me decide what I needed to do for me!!!
Too good to leave Too bad to stay. Goos luck
He is full of excuses and lies. Cut your losses and walk away, you deserve better.