Girlfriend, he is playing you like Elton John on the piano. Stop babying a grown man. Sometimes we hold on to what we once had, but it is more than obvious that he will always find an excuse for his bad behaviour. You are destined to this same behaviour if u stay. He has found it more than easy to do this and only cares about himself. Please move on and find u someone who will love u and only u. Good luck
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You keep letting him get away with it. It will continue. Save yourself the aggravation and leave.
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It sounds to me like he’s making a lot of excuses for his behaviors. It’s not abnormal for you to want to keep your family together, but I think you need to wake up and realize that he’s going to keep doing this. He’s not truly apologetic when he keeps repeating the behavior. Sending you love and light and I hope you find the strength to leave this relationship because this is truly soul killing when someone does this kind of crap to another human.
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He’s playing you sorry to say it. Because he’s gotten caught now he’s upset mentally ill etc. no he’s just upset he got caught and he can’t have his cake and eat it too anymore! Whether you put more effort into saving your marriage or end it is only a decision that you can make! Personally if I give you a second chance which I rarely do especially when there is cheating of any type involved and you do it to me a second time your done 
idc I don’t want to hear your excuses and sob stories. Good luck and I hope it gets better!
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Wow… we are living the same life. I caught my husband doing the same thing. He told me that he don’t know why he does it. That I deserve better. I know I do, but I love him. I’m tried of going down this road. He’s been acting distant again too,so I’m pretty sure he’s doing it again. I think I may end up divorced before the year is over. I find that no matter how much they swear they’ll stop, they Never stop. I’m sorry your going through this.
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Sounds like risky behaviour mental health team is a good thing
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Hope he’s getting a psychiatric evaluation. Hopefully meds and definitely counseling for both
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I know as a woman I don’t always get the attention I want or feel I deserve either and I don’t go looking for it in other places, not sure why men feel this is an excuse for this behavior. It’s called marriage not everyday is magical!
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You aren’t an idiot. Make your decision and stick to it. It has been a terrible year. Offer him 1 last chance but mean it. 
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Leave him. Your children can feel the tension in the household between you two n that’s not healthy for your children nor yourself. Tell him to pack his stuff and to get out. File for divorce and also for child support against him too.
U have to face reality ur husband feels he is missing something and u r ill equipped to supply it cause its not u he wants it from
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Once a cheat always a cheat some people need more excitement than normal these people will wear you out emotionally and physically let him go !!
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No youre not an idiot. He is. Youve warned him and now you have to follow through. Catch him again and you leave… Make plans so you’re not stuck at the last minute…if he means what he says then he’ll realise what he’s lost and try to win you back. If not…you know where you stand and can make permanent plans for you and your children
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Not dumb for wanting to keep your family together but you must be happy to and that important for the kids. You need to at least separate and one of you finds a place to go and go from there. It may work or may not but at least if it dont work you’ve already done some emotional healing and got your feet on the ground and it wont come as much of a sudden shock to the children
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If we were sorry then he would have been sorry before u found out not after…. He’s sorry he got caught. He wants attention but not yours so stop blaming yourself. These are 2 instances he was caught, chances are likely there are far more that he wasn’t
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1ST TIME SHAME ON HIM…2ND TIME SHAME ON YOU:woman_shrugging:t5:
ENOUGH SAID…NOT MY MARRIAGE THOUGH…just MY OPINION…
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Oh gosh, I’m so shocked at these responses. I agree what he’s done isn’t right at all but he’s clearly suffering by what you’ve said, and I think he needs help with what sounds like depression (but I’m not a doctor). If you want to try again then great! But if you think it’s too hard then don’t. You’ve both gotta look after your mental health in a situation like this. What does your gut tell you? Go with that. I hope you both find happiness whatever you decide 
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No don’t give up if he’s trying to mend things… but also realizes he’s probably full of shit and prepare yourself for the possibility that he may continue to rip your family apart. Just the way he is making all those bad excuses for his behavior as a way to justify it and make it ok and make everything all about him and his feelings and needs is very concerning. He sounds like a narcissist and it probably won’t ever change unless he gets real help and wants it fully. He needs and craves this intimate attention from other women and it won’t matter what you do or don’t do, he will always want attention. The fact that he ignores his wife and kids when he has that side attention is concerning. It shows how selfish he really is. And that he doesn’t care about your feelings as long as his emotional needs are being met he is happy… It sounds really manipulative of him to say he’s hearing voices only after he’s been caught. Thats a huge red flag. You don’t have to give up but you don’t have to.put up with this nonsense either. And he has to try to fix himself before you can fix your marriage, that’s a given. Hes a narcissist with a personality disorder and hearing voices is probably a lie but he needs help either way. If he doesn’t get it at this point than he never will and you’ll be stuck living through these cycles of cheating and lying, neglect and manipulation, and him playing the let’s fix it card OVER AND OVER for the rest of your life. The problem is him not you. Don’t let him destroy you by sticking it out alone while he does whatever he wants. Sometimes its better to work through these types of.issues living separately. That way he knows your dead serious. Otherwise he will keep doing it because you keep allowing him to get away with it. Why would he change when you keep taking him back after his betrayal? You teach ppl how to treat you and he is well aware of what to say and do to keep you on the back burner. He probably likes having a family for selfish reasons and wants side bitches for selfish reasons too and he thinks he can have both. If you want to keep your family together you need to start giving him a reason to want to change his disgusting behavior, make him move out. Then he has to prove that he really wants his family. Then either way you’ll know what he really wants and you’ll be better for it. You deserve way better. Hopefully he can be the one to give you better but if not I hope you have the strength to get away from him and find it for yourself.
If he is willing to get mental health, then whats the question. He admitted he was depressed or whatnot. So stand by him. Have his thyroid checked.
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What do the doctors say? This could play a role in what you decide. It sounds like he likes the safety of marriage but the excitement
of being single.
When you’re working with someone 8 to 12 hours a day sometimes people there become more familiar than our own family is. Family is where you have responsibilities, problems to solve, and multiple people(if you have kids) to deal with. Some people consider these extramarital encounters to be nothing more than stress relief. Mentally they refuse to except the responsibility and commitment of marriage.
I don’t have any answers except you have to do whatever is best for you and your kids. 
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At least you can say you tried your best 
Hope everything works in your favor.
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You haven’t been an idiot. Sounds like you’ve been a saint! I think you’re being far too hard on yourself and not hard enough on him. I don’t think the way you’re partly blaming yourself for being busy with the kids etc is right either in my opinion. I think you’re doing the right thing and being so strong in giving him one final chance, and you’re amazing to try and keep your family together but you can’t do it alone. Xxx
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That’s a lot for anyone’s shoulders. First off it’s not your fault for caring for your children. They didn’t ask to be here. Second yes we need to make time for our partners. You stated he was more interested in the phone. Ie. Keeping contact with others. Than spending time with his actual life. So with that said if he’s actually going to the doctor and actually trying to improve himself. Good for him. As for you. I would separate from him while he’s working on himself. Because this has obviously been emotional on you as well. You need to both focus on yourselves.
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He was crying?! “He hadn’t been feeling himself for months” I’m sure he certainly was indeed…… we’re they actually tears?! Or like alligator ones? Honey, you better do something with your guy cause he’s messed up and I suggest couples therapy! Oh and instead of checking his phone, be a real private eye and check his pants. 
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There are no perfect answers and no cookie cutter solutions. Everyone’s dynamic is different and if you feel in your heart of hearts you want to try then you should. So you’ve taken all the necessary steps. Now see what happens. Check his phone sporadically and if it happens again then you leave.
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He is manipulating you. He is a cheater.
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Eh. Normally I would say tell him to hit the road but it sounds like he wants to make it work and so do you. I would give him another chance, and help him with his issues now that you know, but make sure you MEAN ONE MORE CHANCE.
I don’t blame you for wanting to make it work. If he it’s getting counseling that will help but it takes time. You said he likes the attention give him the attention. It does not take long to send short texts just to say you are thinking of him, you miss him, you love him. Hire sitters more often and have date nights, maybe have the kids visit grandma for a weekend and just have a weekend just the two of you. One common problem in marriages is women get so focused on mom duties we forget to give or men attention also. Send him flowers to work surprise him once in a while men do need the same things we do they get just as insecure as we do by but they are far less likely to admit it.
No he’s being manipulative and you need to leave him.
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You are not an idiot sweetie. I came from a broken family and wanted nothing more than my parents to hash it out and get back together, now as an adult I realize how toxic they really were together. I put my oldest daughter through the same thing, hoping that things would get better and they never did. There’s only so much that a person can take mentally before they just check out your mom so you have little people depending on you and I know it’s hard. In the end only you can decide what you can deal with and what you can’t you can love a person and not love the things they do but when they continue to do it that’s the issue it’s disrespectful to you and gives guidelines for the kids and what they should expect in a relationship.
I went through this with my husband and ohhh boy I had a lot to handle but everytime he left me and he would certainly realize I was one lady not waiting around 
If the relationship is over then I believe lose no time move on quickly He could not accept me with another man but he was the first to prove untrue Then he would cry, threaten suicide and I have 6 children with this man (My husband ) but I was not ready to accept unfaithfulness He would cry, talk and rave about me to the other women and they would end up telling him it was to much for them to handle He was in no shape to begin another relationship with any woman He would go depressed and not talk to the others and I always came first So this last time this woman tried everything including traveling to the other side of our country and he still was not happy and still wanted me he was suppose to leave with her no he stayed and moved in with my sister and her husband just to be close where I am So after the raving and begging I took him back once and for all and he surely knew it so since 2013 it didn’t happen again now I am not spitting in the wind cause it could happen again but it will be differently with the results this time and he certainly knows it So with this said Stick your ground and don’t leave him throw ground in your face .Life is to short to continue wondering if this will continue Stop It Now !!! My husband did not need mental health my husband needed boundaries !!! Just My Opinion !!!
Spend time apart. Let him get a real taste of what its like without you. He may be playing you, or maybe he does have mental issues. Either way you don’t deserve that.
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You’re not an idiot. But he is.
But it sounds to me that he’s manipulating you through the entire thing. You know him, better than any of us. But there are so many signs of depression, if he hasn’t shown any… I’d call bullshit.
Cheating is never okay.
And he’s going to continue until there are consequences. And he may progressively act worse. Starts with emotional texting stuff, now he’s messaging dirty things, he’s just going to keep heading down this path. Leading to everything physical.
You deserve better than this. And so do your children
Usually I say leave a cheater. However in this case he’s possibly mentally ill. If he cooperated with an evaluation, been diagnosed AND is working with treatment I feel you need to stick around & help him through treatment. If his counselor or doctor recommends you attend sessions with him or add couple or family counseling do it. If he’s prescribed medication remind him to take it. He will always be your kids father. They deserve 2 healthy parents. If you leave him he’s unlikely to follow through with treatment. You’ll throw him over the edge further. That will hurt & possibly endanger your kids. What you can do for your family is teach your kids that when someone you love is sick you support them.
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He’s a coward and you deserve better! Move on sis; he has!
My ex husband said he would go to therapy to get me back. All while he was holding me at night telling other women he was soooooo lonely and missed holding someone and slept so horrible. Now sleeping with an ex friend of 20+ years while still telling me he loves and misses me. Narcissist behavior. He wont change, dont hurt yourself more staying.
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wish I had an answer for you.i hope you can save your family, i couldn’t mine.give it up to the lord Jesus.and god bless.
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Excuses excuses woman you see to believe anything he tells you open your stupid eyes
Once might be a mistake but three he is bored with you save your self esteem end it you will be no good not even for your kids will never be the same demand a divorce
My ex always done this when he was caught out…narcissist he was and doing it once is one thing but doing it with other women aswell …sorry but he wont change …wish you all the best
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Leave. He doesn’t love you, he loves the IDEA of you.
I wish I could tell you what to do, however, it is not my place. You need to talk this over with him. If he is having mental health issues, then I say you should stand by him and help him. He will definitely need your support. Hang in there and turn it all over to God. He will see you through. Praying for you and your family.
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You need to do what is best for you and your family not ask for other’s opinion which will only confuse you more! PRAYING FOR YOU bc I was there and thank the Lord my family and marriage have been restored !
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You are not an idiot and you are 0% to blame for his behavior.
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You’re kids will be the ones affected in the long run. And how can a husband be so great and yet cheat multiple times and even treat his own children different. No. He most likely will not stop cheating.
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Hey if he continues, throw him out of the house, don’t stay because of the kids , need to get your confidence again as a woman, good luck 
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Similar happened to me. I was pregnant at the time with our 2nd. Sorry to say i tried and it just didn’t work. I lost trust and his mental health worsened. Sadly i couldnt take it anymore. So i ended it. That was 6 years ago. Still not divorced but coule never trust him again.
You are not an idiot. To many people easily call it quits. Marriage is a commitment and it takes work from both sides. If he is finally getting help then see where it goes. But you are right one more time and you should leave.
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OMG to who ever wrote this, I fully give it up to you! You know what your doing, your not an idiot like you said one more chance and theres no going back! Your not an idiot at all
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I’m sorry but you’re in denial thinking it’s going to work out. Unfortunately, he’ll keep doing it and he’ll make an excuse and you’ll fall for it AGAIN. It’s best for you and the kids to part ways from him, no matter how much you love him, he’s not shown the same towards you.
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Leave him now…or settle for someone who will be constantly hurting you and your family. X
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Denial is not going to save your marriage I am sorry but you do not have to put up with this behaviour show him the door he might realise what he is loosing if not you are better off alone than with him he is not respecting you or your family so you do not owe him anything good luck 
He full of Thousands of excuses it Will keep on repeating over he loves what he is doing and he playing on a sympathy case cause he knows u will keep allowing it …
Hate to sound harsh
Sorry but he doesn’t Love u one bit…
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You’re not an idiot for trying. You’re doing everything you can to make it work and if in the end it doesn’t you and your children will know that you tried and it’s not because of you or because you gave up easy.
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22 years same story and bullshit. Many more chances and it finally ended being physical with other women and I just finally got tired and no more chances. You can try but doubt it’ll change. Sorry but you and your kids deserve better.
I side with you. I believe you are wise and strong to seek help from mental health professionals. Anything worth having is worth fighting for…please don,t give up without the fight, if you love one another.If you can rebuild trust and honestly work together,in due time,(a few years) you may be in a stronger marriage…Godspeed.
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I be walk out on him . Could sit there know he in to other woman. You need to let this one go . He just going to keep doing it . You need to do this for your family.
You married for better for worse, sickness & health. It’s obvious you love him. Do what you can to help him through for your family
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Tell him the grass is greener WHERE YOU WATER IT! How about he give his family and wife that same amount of attention and see where it gets him!
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Trust is gone and the kiddos will eventually catch on. End it. It’s not good for anyone. It’s going to be hard, but it’s worth it. Stay strong but don’t let him stay.
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Been there, done that! I left after 16 years of marriage and never looked back. And he immediately had the woman he swore he didn’t cheat with at the house within hours of my leaving!
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He doesn’t care enough about you to do his part in the relationship. There’s little excuse for his behaviour. . Cheating is a sign he wants out.
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Let nothing take away your peace, that are excuses to be unfaithful and that you support it, you are worth more than that, happiness is not always in keeping the family together, it is not worth it if there is betrayal, disloyalty and inconsideration.
If its worth a try you need go for it. Only you can do this and know whats good or not so great for the family
I wouldn’t be able to trust him. That excuse sounds pretty lame and I’ve heard that before it’s petty and a cop out
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I’m shocked my ex husband didn’t try this excuse when he was cheating
I wasted 32 years of my life thinking my ex would change he did good for a couple of months I had 5 kids with I tried to stick it out finally I said enough is enough I wished I had done it awhole lot sooner. I don’t see its ever going to change for you.
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Yes. You are an idiot. You are airing out your dirty laundry on FB, so you expect most women will be telling you what you want to hear. These bitches are hearing one side of a story and offering you generic advice. Get both of you to a certified marriage counselor, who will listen to both of you and give an educated opinions, instead of listening to bored hags, who will offer you nothing of value, other than their bullshit, once bitten, twice shy return on gossip.
Argh…!!! People telling you that he’s cheating or doesn’t care/love you - they are not in your relationship. I commend you in seeking help for him and for talking things through with him. See if you guys can look at getting some couples counselling as it could help, keep the communication open between you two and most importantly make sure that you take care of yourself too!!
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dogs dont change their spots move on
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He won’t change, once a cheater always a cheater.
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If you feel it’s worth trying for, then keep trying.
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You will always wonder when he will do this again and again and again… you will kill yourself on the inside because you know for a fact what he is doing and what he has done. And he’s making every excuse to make you believe him and not leave with your kids. Everyone has their own opinion. But only you can decide what is best for you. And whom ever said " for better or for worse" obviously has never been in that situation before. I myself could never stay with someone that did that all the time and me always wonder why I am not good enough. Your mental state will start breaking down and you will go into depression because of this. Im sure he does love you as you do him but his love is not the same as yours. He has proven that. Im not saying divorce but I am saying separate for awhile. And then you will see what he actually wants. And if it works out between you two then great! But if not then you saved yourself alot of heartache down the road. You have to make the choice for yourself and for your children.
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I believe you are strong enough to do what is right for you and your children. You have been supportive and in my opinion more than fair. An emotional affair is just as detrimental and destructive to a relationship as an actual sexual affair! I believe you made the right decision on the ultimatum to commit 100% or go your seperate ways. Children pick up and know more than we give them credit for. A healthy relationship with Dad is important but with his mental health issues you also must consider their safety as well as your own. Going forward I wish you luck.
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Hang in there - - you are right, he is wrong - - - PERIOD!!!
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Call it a day and move on
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I admire you for sticking it out this long. I personally couldn’t come back from the lies and emotional affairs. He may not love you as much as you do him. I want to call BS on his not feeling himself lately. I hope I’m wrong for your sake. Good luck and hope you find the happiness you deserve.
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Time to beat that woman’s ass good 
First off no you’re not an idiot for wanting your family together.I do think your husband needs therapy. I do think eventually you’re going to be upset with him and build resentment for hurting you ,it’s only natural. Instead of focusing on him maybe ask him for a separation to focus on you and what you really want because I can only imagine how his wishy washy behavior has made you feel. See if he keeps presueing you and wanting to do family stuff. If not then that’s a big answer and I’d keep to it and leave .Because he is honestly acting like he can do whatever and you’ll always be there and he’s really taking advantage of you.
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You are never an idiot for wanting your family together. Only you know what you can take and not take.
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Never an idiot trying to keep your family together. Just dont lose yourself
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Its life, up and down…
I think you already know what you need to do. I think you have done what you were supposed to do. Perhaps he HASN’T done enough and now it’s time for you and your kids to become #1. Good luck momma making this type of decision is never easy. You and your kids deserve the best and TRUST me there are men out there willing to give it.
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I spent 15 years wondering and having terrible self esteem after the first time my ex emotionally cheated. It is your choice and you do what’s best for you. I never let go of the pain and resentment his actions caused. The first time I forgave him but he did it over and over. I stayed for my kids and they are now 17 & 18 and they both wished I left the first time I found those messages.
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Leave him now!!! The kids are better off with two happy separate parents than two together miserable parents.
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You have already allowed it. Not once but twice. You make excuses for him as well. Why would he ever “change”? Also the kids deserve better. Run for them If not for yourself.
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Show me the perfect relationship we all go through relationship problems. It’s about listening to each other and I can assure you forgiveness is the key. Growing apart due to circumstances and resentment can be a factor. Counselling will help but whether or not both people want a resolution and remain together. 32 years this year together and we had our problems. Talk to each other and get help from a counsellor. Nothing wrong with trying to keep together and get help.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I keep trying to keep my family together?
Leave. He’s already shown you what he wants twice. Why not keep doing it of you’re going to allow it?
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Realize you cannot fix everyone, he is responsible for his own health. You can be supportive, but not a crutch. I give them three strikes you are out kind of mentality. Which is what I am seeing with you also. Get you stuff together man! You have children to raise, and can do that with or without him. And you are right, that woman is a predator.
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The fact that you are checking his phone and issuing ultimatums should be a wake up call
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He consciously made those decisions. You talked to him about it the first time and he still did it a second time. Stuff like that doesn’t just happen unless you open the door and clearly he never closed it. So unless you like feeling disrespected and unwanted and you like seeing your kids ignored by their dad while he gives attention to different women while playing on his phone, leave.
But I am proud of you for not begging him and maintaining your composure. It’s important he understands that you don’t need him and that he is also a choice you consciously make.
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He cheated on you. Point, blank, period. You should leave him.
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Nope. Lack of attention isn’t an excuse. Don’t you excuse his behaviour. He needs to be held responsible 110% What he said is he wants you but the truth is, he wants both. He doesn’t want to be forced into a decision.
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I’d be done with him. You gotta take care of you and your kids. He obviously is only thinking of himself.
I understand the the mental health part of this as i myself have gone through this with my husband but i was the one enjoying extra attention etc, BUT i realized i had to work through those issues with my husband and none of those men would fulfill me like my husband now does. He has to be willing to communicate and work through it and understand it’s not an excusable behavior, you also should sacrifice your well being either. I personally would see how he’d like to seek help/resolve the issue, and see if anything changes in the next few months. If not, bye!
My husband also was a very insecure man, and had a lot of demons that interfered with us and once we broke up he really found himself and realized how capable and good of a man he can be, we have literally never been better and we’ve been together almost 8 years.
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Um why are you giving him the option? Is this something you want to deal with? Do you want your children to see how unhappy you are in a relationship? You need to answer those questions yourself. If you answer no to either of the last two, you need to leave.
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Far from an idiot for wanting your family together none of us want a failed marriage or broken family… But the question is how many times are you going to take the behavior? The txts and pics etc he was caught once and then done it again… Keep letting him think it’s ok you will forgive him etc he’s going to keep doing it and if he loves and wants you why does he look for attention else where instead of getting flirty txting you and sending you sexy pics etc
No matter your choice,please, be checked for STDs
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He is not a great husband or a father… he wouldn’t be sending those messages if he was.
You are trying to protect yourself
By standing up for him and let me
Tell you, it will
Only hurt you In the end. Your husband is a liar and cheater. You need to both be in counseling and then decide if it’s worth staying or not
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