Wait. You are charging rent to your own daughter who can’t afford to move out and you are wondering if you should kick her out on top of it because you want to please your husband? And, you need to ask if that’s ok? You don’t need to ask a group. You need therapy because that is some particularly cruel shit. And, your daughter definitely needs therapy for having parents like you. No wonder she’s dating a bad boy, with you two as an example of what love looks like. As someone with a daughter the same age, who has come home 3 times (ya know, because kids stumble into adulthood sometimes), this disgusts me.
Im at 50/ 50 with this one because in my personal opinion my child would come first period! No matter the age they will always be my babies
I mean maybe this is your thought if this is how you are now.
Maybe you not motherly enough. Just interested in your Mann.
Poor girl tell her inbox me she can come live with me. And I will show her some compassion and what caring looks like.
Kick her out and tell her husband!!
Toxic mother’s. That choose a. Man over there kids deserve to burn in hell.
Talk to your daughter, she needs you
Look after the children in the interim
Remember your kids are your blood
How about don’t take rent from her and tell her to save that money and all that she can get and find her a place within 30 days or 45 days that’s plenty enough time then she can do as she pleases but I’d not put my kid n grandchildren out over her dating and why would ur husband have any concerns about who’s she dating sounds weird to me she’s adult so she should already have responsibilities she has kids sooo what’s the problem unless she’s just used to been taken care of. Give her a date to have a place found help her focus on that and not her personal love life. That’s all I can say. Your husband should support you helping ur kid n grandchildren if he can’t then maybe he’s not a good choice of a husband either just saying good luck
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Just because a piece of paper says she is married doesn’t mean it’s not over and she can’t move on. I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to put your husband before your child. And if he can’t see that I don’t think he is a very good man.
I would for the simple fact that she can’t respect herself or you and your husband rules. Tough love is what u might need to do.
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I would hope that when my children grow up they will know they would still have a home with me if life turns bad. I would stipulate that they would need to muck in with chores and such, but wouldn’t be telling them how to live their life!
If hubby is your daughter’s dad, why is he wanting you to chuck your daughter out? Why isn’t he saying how he feels to her directly? Not that I would agree with him doing so, but why should he get you to do it?
If hubby isn’t the father, then I’d be telling hubby that he could move himself out if he didn’t like what was going on! X
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Mother sounds controlling to me. Hopefully the daughter can move out soon
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If you throw her out, you’ll lose her.
Her marriage is over that’s why she’s living with you. She can see whoever she likes in her own time.
If she’s paying rent and doing her part, then I don’t see what she’s doing wrong…other than the fact your husband doesn’t like her.
Also, her teenage years sound like she was trying to get your attention…maybe your husband takes up too much of your time and she gets none. Certainly sounds like whatever he says goes.
Not sure on who has the two kids, but if it’s your grandkids and you Chuck them out…shame on you.
You should be helping her find her own place. If she can’t afford it due to the marriage issues then give her a loan and write up a contract saying shell pay you back X amount each month towards the loan.
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I personally don’t think it’s your place to tell her who she can and can’t have a fling or relationship with, you can tell her how you feel and try and help and guide her but she’s an adult. As for living with you, as long as she’s paying rent and being clean, tidy and respectful of house rules, then I see no issue. You can’t control her by kicking her out, all you’re doing is showing her that if she does something you don’t like then you won’t be there for her, and that’s not helpful to her at all and will only drive a wedge between you. Talk it out. Be calm. Be understanding. Be a mum and a friend. Lord knows we all make mistakes, it’s what helps us grow and become better people, in the end. Let her know she’s loved and that you have her back no matter what, even if you don’t agree with what she’s doing. Good luck xx
All I can tell you is do what’s best for you and your family if you think she’s going to cause problems and you need to make her move she can find a one-room or a studio or move in with one of her friends or something but if you think she’s going to cause problems with your family then she needs to go either follow the rules or get out just because she’s family you did you’re 18 years you didn’t you raced her up you don’t need to be supporting her at 23 years old she made her bed and I let her lie in it
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She is probably just rebounding from her marriage right now,I think u are quite within your rights to say that u don’t want this man in your house but u cannot dictate who she sees. She is probably reeling from her marriage breaking up right now and needs your support. Get her to pay the minimum u can afford to take to u and she can then save to get a deposit for her own place quicker. Personally my daughter and grand children who are vulnerable right now would come before my husband
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The thing is she made her bed let her lie in it,you shouldn’t of had her back she should of found somewere else to go,shes old enough
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Uh… if she paying her way/rent to you its none of your business who she rides.
Or how many. She’s an adult. If she’s playing by your rules within the house then suck it up…
And if your daughter splits up your marriage basically just by living her life… it wasn’t a great marriage and is no real loss.
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Blood over water ,no man should stop you helping your own child and no man should come before your child no matter how old they are they’re still going to need love support and guidance, the new guy is most likely a fling due to the attention and making her feel good about herself itll probably fizzle out or may not too I think that’s upto your daughter to figure out in the meantime be there for her help her through it ,this is her life and her choices just love and support her through this time until she finds her feet again
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Always always always choose your kids over any freaking man! If he is going to ruin your marriage because your daughter is going through one of the hardest times then f#ck him! As for her seeing someone while she is still married that’s absolutely none of your business and I’m pretty sure her husband is out doing whatever the hell he wants now they’re seperated, support your daughter, show her love, understanding and respect and discuss any issues upfront instead of going behind her back asking strangers on the Internet if you should kick her out. No you shouldn’t if she is helping out and paying you while she gets back on her feet.
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Bit much she is 23 and it seems like your trying to control her and what she does with her life if she has left her husband which you say she has because she has moved in with you guys then clearly her marriage is over but maybe tell her to start divorce proceedings and then dating new guys is fine etc she is her own person and needs to make mistakes to learn from them in order to grow up so myself I would back of and let her make her own choices and if the backfire on her be her mum and help her though it the more you tell her how to live her life the more she will go against you just a thought my sons 23 and I let him get on with it just here if he needs me for anything
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If she’s not bringing him home to your home and doing what’s asked if her in the home what does it matter who she’s dating? Sit down with her n makes a date she needs to be ready to go by and that’s it she shouldn’t have to hide anything being an adult if she’s not bringing any issues to your house
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I’m sorry but your kids are your kids no matter why age. And your kid’s should always come before any partner whether it be a husband of 20 years or a partner of 6 months. If she’s having marital problems and has moved in with you then is that not saying the marriage is over? So she’s entitled to have fun with whoever she may wish! I’m 23 and if I ever needed to stay with my dad he wouldn’t give a shit what I did aslong as I was happy! And if I was in a situation where I was low on money and in a mess he would help me because he’s my PARENT. So would my mum if I went to her. If my baby girl came home with her kids at my age and her marriage hadn’t gone to plan, I’d have those kids and let her live a little! Be a parent. You can only ever advise, never dictate.
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Nope kids come first over any man or partener… also cant dictate to her who shes seeing and that shes married its up to her my mum hated my kids dad and just supported me when she needed to apart from that she say its your life so you live it as you want a mum should let their kids fail fuck up meet the wrong men because its how they learn but just be their when they fall to pick them up and dust them off but never kick them out over a husband or over a man thats their choice.
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You need to tell her straight, she’s making bad decisions if she doesn’t follow your rules then kick her out , your husbands opinion counts he also lives in that house
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Seems the main concern of yours is how your husband feels about all of this and nothing actually to do with your own daughter. She’s obviously going through some bad stuff, as long as she’s paying her rent and being respectful to the property what does it matter who she’s seeing?
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My mom picked my abusive step dad over me as she didn’t believe me and kicked me out at 17 I’m 33 now and haven’t seen or spoke to them ever since. Ur kids should come before anyone no matter how messed up they are it’s ur job to try help and guide them. Maybe she needs some sort of professional help? But u should always be there to help. Should like ur husband just wants an easy life and doesn’t want the responsibility of trying to parent someone else’s kid
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She is your child, you Brought her into this world, yes she’s an adult… but no man should never come between you and your child… so I’m guessing is it your husband that’s causing all the agro about your daughter being there??
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I would see what money can get and she may be able to get the rent payed for. And just let her crack on with this new man she will only coming running you can’t tell her to end it it’s her life if she wants to make a big mistake let her. Just support her when things do ended up going wrong.
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23 year olds still need their Mama. Maybe ask that she doesn’t bring her male guests into your home until the marriage is annulled. Your husband needs to be a little bit more sensitive and supportive and may need to be advised so. People need to come together to problem solve as I’m sure there are plenty of other factors. Family first. You got this xx
My children will always be my priority no matter their age x her daughter is going through a rough time and I’d put her feelings/mental health before any bloke what shes does with her sex life etc is her business nothing to do with the stepdad just because he doesn’t agree with what she is doing by dating other men for all they know her husband could have been controlling and shes just letting off steam and feeling freed from a trapped relationship 
x but then I didnt even put my kids father before my kids when he was being a jacka$$ as my kids are my kids for life partners can come and go there may come a time in the future when the mother will need her daughter and if the mother makes her homeless now to please hubby dearest the daughter would be in perfectly in her right to say hell no to the mother you weren’t there for me so jog on x when the stepdad married the mother (when daughter was a teenager) they came as a package so he needs to suck it up he sounds a rather unfeeling man and doesn’t sound like he would be very supportive of his own kids in the future and if he is then he should treat the stepdaughter the same way as his own kids 
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Why would you rather lose your daughter than your husband. You’re her mother for all of her life, not just until she reaches adulthood. Support her and be there for her. I’d your husband cant see that your children, regardless of age, come first… then bye bye 
She is your daughter and those are your grandchildren, knowing she can’t afford a place and you kicking her out will only devastate your grandchildren is that what you really want to do
She’s an adult and you are her landlord in this situation. What she does in her own room is no longer your business (even though it is really shitty of her).
Divorces are expensive so maybe that’s why she’s still married?
You expressed your concerns so you should leave it at that.
You gave her a set of rules and she agreed to pay rent. You can’t add on rules after boundaries have already been set.
If you want to kick her out so be it, but I believe bc she’s paying rent, you have to give her like 30 days or something (not sure if rules differ between states).
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Set your rules and let her abide by them if not let her know that you will not continue to let her stay with you, you cannot be used like this!
Learn by her mistakes but tell her what your expectations are in the home.
But really she should be renting not living bk home.
Maybe give her a month to get her life in order and tell her she has a month hopefully that will help your husband out
If she separated she can do what she likes divorce can take years if they want to be arseholes of the relationship is over it’s just a legal binding to be deleted. She’s not cheating! I’m know someone legally married still they split in jan 2020 after suffering domestic abuse…can she now see someone new then?
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Divorce proceedings can take a very long time, if she is separated from her husband why can’t she move on? Kids before partners, always.
So much for unconditional love…just because you were your mother’s soldier and lived exactly the way she wanted you to, doesn’t necessarily mean your daughter wants to live that way too…
I think that many of you are all to ready to jump on the bandwagon of daughter over husband without knowing the full story. I personally agree with assisting your children, but there are children who take advantage of parents generosity and, in some cases, hold them hostage due to their generosity.
Truthfully, I don’t think that you have a valid set of facts to pass judgment on the case. What is the problem that the husband has with her daughter? If he just doesn’t want her there, then why ask for advice? The daughter takes presidence. I think that there is more to this than is presented.
Is she a good mom? if not and you will take her kids, get a counsellor to talk to her and if no change kick her out and save the kids from a not good life
Ok ,I have read the comments , what do you do when you feel like your being held hostage by your adult children in your own home ? They will not follow any rules ,will not leave when you ask them to several times and has now brought his girlfriend and her daughter in our home as well ,we have ask them several times to leave they just say we have no where to go ! And that’s it. We are being held hostage in our own home .
If she is in your house the same rules apply. No boys in your room and doors are closed and locked at midnight no exceptions…
Is your husband her father?
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Is there a reason she’s not living with her husband?
You could always write a letter to the council I.e
After this x amount of days I have no choice but move my daughter out of my house due to significant issues, therefore she will be homeless. She has no finances at the moment. They could give her temporary benefits whilst looking for a job.
They could house her.
Once she’s out of your house, she’d need to find a job
Worked for my friend and she has a beautiful flat and turned her life around.
I do think kicking her out is a bit extreme I’d firstly encourage her to get counselling so she can heal from her separation. Speak to your husband and your daughter together explain that seeing someone else whilst married is making you both uncomfortable.
Give her a chance. She’s hurting at the moment and is using sex to get over her pain. A doctor once told me that sex start after a breakup is a form of self abuse to try and self heal. She has to work through the pain and she may be scared.
Maybe consider relationship counselling between you and your husband. There’s obviously an issue between you and him (regarding your daughter) and normally men mask their issues.
Also consider family counselling of you, hubby and daughter.
Just remember people won’t accept help if they aren’t ready or don’t admit a problem.
This is just all suggestions.
Also your hubby could just be paranoid of the stranger around the young children.
If it is that,n then you need to dicuss this. After all no one knows this guy could be dodgy.
How do you know his not a good man?
No, I dont think you should kick her out! Sounds like your husband is causing the problems, maybe think about kicking him out?
Your children will always be your babies no matter what age & if they need help, you should always be the for them.
All you can do is remind her of the rules in your house and hope she smartens up.
Her love life is none of your business and as long as she is not bringing this man around, you honestly have no say in what or who she does. Trust me I understand that being married and separating doesn’t give an excuse for her to see other people, but it is her life.
I wouldn’t kick her out, thats still your baby and she needs you, regardless who she’s seeing. I would remind your husband that even though you don’t agree with her life choice right now, she’s in a bad situation and needs a place to stay. I would never kick my child out unless absolutely necessary
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Yes id tell her. She can get a place of her own. 23 shes old enough…your easy food and baby sitter. Some kids wont be guided.good luck…
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I saw this on another site and felt quite sick reading this.
I don’t want to answer what I think.
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I said keep the grandkids and then throw her out so she can find a place
Stick by her she needs u she still your child
Let her stay don’t kick her out
Y’all need to stop worrying about who she’s seeing as long as it’s not under your roof and as long as she’s doing what she says she’s going to do while under it. As in under the roof in the house… keeping her space clean & paying her part
No, your child comes first.
WTF?? This is what’s wrong with this country today, charge her rent and treat her like a tenant.
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Your not serious. How old was she the first time. If she was a teen that’s just what teens do, bitch moan and grown n most are lazy come on that’s just life and he needed to get over that honestly not being ugly. Your child comes first I’m sorry and the fact that your husband doesn’t like your daughter is not right. They need to both grow up and both parties need to be respectful maybe she has matured n so has he. Just ask her to act like a adult as he needs to also… ok ok now that I’ve read the whole post haha. Momma she is probably dealing with her own mental state due to the marriage, maybe she’s heartbroken and using the new guy for a rebound n to get over her hubs. If they are split up and not wanting to work it out then I mean it is what it is right or wrong ya know. She is an adult tho n rather she’s in your house I feel like she should atleast make some of her own decisions. As far as the agreements y’all have I hope y’all can work it out. Best of wishes
Ps: please know I’m not trying to be rude
I don’t want to be rude but, who your daughter sees/has relations with is none of your business. Married or not, whether you agree or not, there’s literally nothing you can do about it… kind of seems like you’re trying to control her.
I understand the your house, your rules bit. But that’s regarding the house. Rent, cleaning, not treating it as a hotel, coming and going at all hours.
But, you can’t use it against her with her love life. You can advise her if you think this guy is bad news and you can tell her that you think it will end badly. But, you can’t tell her she has to dump him and then threaten to kick her out if she doesn’t. That’s controlling to a whole new level.
She’s your daughter and you gave birth to her and promised to love and protect her forever.
If your husband doesn’t like her, then I’d get a new husband tbh.
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The problem here is you’re putting your husband before your own flesh and blood
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Shes 23. You cant stop her sees who she wants. If her marriage is over its her choice and frankly none of your business
There’s A Lot To Unpack Here, But We Should Burn The Whole Suitcase Instead
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A coupla know all’s 
Your husband jealous 
Kick her out now u understand why the hubby kicked her she was cheating if she can’t follow rules kick her out
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You’re daughter sounds like she’s a bit of a selfish bitch
Kick your self out and walk of a mountain you absolute disgrace
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Kick your husband out never choose any man over your kids!!!
If she doesn’t follow house rules as in clean up, help with housework, pay rent etc, yes, fair enough, you could ask her to leave. But for dating someone? No… That’s her personal life and a choice a 23 year old should freely be able to make… Also, she’s your daughter, and if she can’t afford to live anywhere else then I’d think long and hard about it how bad her behaviour actually is before considering making her homeless
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Get rid of your husband and grow a bond with your daughter