Should I kick my daughter out if I think she will cause problems with my husband and I?

I need some advice. I have a 23 yr old daughter with marital problems and has moved in with me and my husband and two young children. My husband does not want her here because of issues with her living with us before ( she was a teenager then and not following rules. Not cleaning up, and coming home in the middle of the night). She agreed to pay some rent and to our rules. Now she has been here two weeks, and we find out she is seeing a new guy and she is still married. My husband and I do not agree with this. Plus, this guy isn’t a good choice of men. I have told her it needs to stop until she is out of her marriage and gets her life together, but she just blows me off and acts like she can do whatever she wants. Should I kick her out even though she can’t afford to live on her own? If I let her stay, I’m afraid it’s going to cause problems with my husband and me. Please, no rude comments.

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If her choices aren’t directly affecting you, then there is no reason you to just randomly decide you want to kick her out. If she was making your home some how unsafe or something then yea but not bc you don’t like her guy.

I don’t want to be rude but, who your daughter sees/has relations with is none of your business. Married or not, whether you agree or not, there’s literally nothing you can do about it… kind of seems like you’re trying to control her.
I understand the your house, your rules bit. But that’s regarding the house. Rent, cleaning, not treating it as a hotel, coming and going at all hours.
But, you can’t use it against her with her love life. You can advise her if you think this guy is bad news and you can tell her that you think it will end badly. But, you can’t tell her she has to dump him and then threaten to kick her out if she doesn’t. That’s controlling to a whole new level.
She’s your daughter and you gave birth to her and promised to love and protect her forever.
If your husband doesn’t like her, then I’d get a new husband tbh.

So just bc she’s moved back in with you doesn’t mean you have a say in who she sees or anything in her life. She’s paying rent, she’s not a child. She’s an adult and divorce is hard. She’s probably going through a lot and it’s not easy moving back. Go easy on her, support her. Sit down with her and tell her you’re worried. Ask her to respect the rules again.

The fact you’re here questioning whether you should kick your own daughter out because of your husband and not asking how you can help her is really shocking. She might not be making the best decisions in your eyes but she’s obviously making the ones that she feels helps her. Instead of kicking her out and pushing her towards the man you say is no good, how about you speak to her and help her through whatever she’s going through. You really can’t dictate what she can and can’t do outside her marriage as I expect she probably couldn’t do for yours. If she’s separated and now seeing someone that’s none of your business and to try control that aspect of her life is plain creepy.

Are the other two kids from this husband? Because it sounds more like he wants her out to make his perfect little family picture. Unless she’s physically hurting anyone, I can’t imagine anyone choosing their husband over their daughter when they would truly struggle on their own in these circumstances. If she’s paying rent and following the original rules you set, then get the poor girl some help and tell your husband to do one. Absolute shame on you to even consider this.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I kick my daughter out if I think she will cause problems with my husband and I?

Yes she is grown now

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I’d give her the chance. Her love life is non of ur business as long as its not in ur house I think. However if she breaks ur rules, I’d make her leave.

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It’s hard but maybe you and your husband need to find a way to support her through her troubles instead of brushing her off , and all three of you can work as a team .

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Technically she is 23… she is an adult. She can see who she wants to see. However- you can tell her he isn’t welcome there. But that’s probably all you can do. I wouldn’t kick her out because she’s seeing someone else. She is also separated getting a divorce, so it’s not like she’s “cheating”
Just my opinion tho

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Sounds like at this point your enabling her to do what ever and take no responsibility. That’s what she learned as a teen now she’s back in mamas house. Give her a 30 day notice.

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If she is paying her way and following the rules of the house no… What she does is her business. Sounds like your husband is the one with a problem with her.

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I guess it’s your choice if you kick her out just like it’s her choice who she sleeps with.

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Adult offspring can date who they choose. Your child comes before any man.

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Perhaps you should just think about your grandchildren.

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As a parent we have to make some hard decisions, ultimately it is upto you and your husband.

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Has she broken any of y’all’s rules? (Not helping with rent cleaning etc. stuff that actually is part of y’all’s business?) Who she decides to see is none of y’all’s business of course you can tell her he is not allowed at y’all’s house that is y’all’s decision but trying to run her love life isn’t the way to go. I’m not sure if she is actually a problem or if your husband is coming up with problems from her living with y’all as a teenager. But ultimately it’s your choice. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I personally feel like whatever decision you come to…come to on your OWN, not because of your husband. &that’s all I’m gonna say.

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You sound psycho and extremely controlling. If she is renting from you, you can say she can’t bring a guy over but you can’t tell her how to live. Sounds like she is better off without you 2

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She’s grown, so unless she’s bringing the guy to your house and making you uncomfortable in your home, it’s really not your business to dictate her love life. She should be helping you out since she’s living with you, of course, but starting over is hard. Sorry, but I’ve been through this before and I told myself that if I was ever in a position to choose between my children or spouse, no matter how old my kids are, fuck the spouse. My home will always be home to my kids. I am their safe place.

She’s your daughter.

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If she is going through a divorce she has every right to start seeing someone else. You can say he is not allowed in your house but telling her not to date is really none of your business. As long as she is following the household rules and cleaning up after herself I don’t see how her love life affects you guys. What she did as a teenager should not be held over her head years later.

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If the only thing she is doing that is bothering you is seeing this other guy and she is following your house rules and paying rent it shouldn’t be a problem. Her love life and who she see’s isn’t really your business. Sounds like your husband has a problem and is looking to cause drama to get her to leave. I would tell my husband to get over it. Yeah she is grown but she is your kid.

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Ummmm….your children come before a man :clap:

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Tough love.
Your house, your rules.
Explain that to her again.
You have young children and they see the lack of regard for rules and will follow suit.
Either respect my house rules or leave my house.
It really is that simple. You just have to follow through.

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She’s 23 years old.
Your household sounds controlling.
She is going threw some shut she needs to work out. No you shouldn’t kick her our. That is your baby

Boundaries and repercussions sure.
But she’s an adult paying rent. She’s not a kid.

You’d have to go threw the eviction process. Shes renting. She could sue you.

I hope she does. I hope she gets threw this rough patch and doesn’t need to come to you for help. Because you don’t sound very supportive

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Well kick her out if that’s what’s best for your marriage. But she agreed to pay rent not abide by your morals

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She’s your daughter 🤷 I wouldn’t care what my husband said. I’d help my kid. I also would not tell my adult child who they could or couldn’t date.

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I’m just gonna say this. You NEVER turn your back on your kids at any phase in life. Your “man” might very well leave ya ass one day… :woman_shrugging:

I would never choose a man over my daughter. Talk to her about it.

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You would get your own daughter out because she is dating while separated? You sound like a very supportive mother during difficult times. How long do you plan on holding her teenage years against her?

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She is grown yes but your still her mom. I believe in never turning your back on your children. You can express your disappointment in her decisions but you should also try helping her through this time in her life as well. Any decent husband should support you with that.

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Sounds a bit like your husband is kind of heartless. As a mother I will never put my kid on the street no matter how old she is, she will always come before any man on this earth. As far as her seeing someone else, she is moving on from her marriage and she is also a grown women who should be able to live her life and make mistakes if that is what she wants.

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Kick her out. If she’s not going to respect you guys and the rules you have in place…then she doesn’t need to be there if she can’t follow the rules in your house.

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no rude comments?? lmao! u ARE the rude comment lady u don’t deserve to b a mother

I know she’s 23 and a adult
But we all fall on hard times way more than we expect too.
Is your husband her father?
It sounds like yall are brushing her off a bit for your little family to not be interrupted.
Shes still your daughter! I’d be very hurt if one of my parents treated me this way married or not.

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Okay with all due respect i’m going to say this. Your daughter acts the way she does based on the way you parent. You have to change in order for her to change. And yes, even at 23 she’s still your child. i know for a fact at 23 I thought i knew everything. And now i also know for a fact at 23 i was still a dumb young adult. Even after we turn 18 and pretend we’re grown we still need our parents to help guide us in the right direction.

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Tbh as a mother I couldn’t do that to my own child knowing she can’t afford to live on her own . Will u put her out on the street ? For me I would talk to her and tell her my rules and stand on it and I would encourage her to either wait until she completely end her marriage and continue with this other relationship or discontinue this relationship and go back to her husband. As parents we cannot pick or choose the type of partner our child chooses to have a relationship with but we can advise them . I would tell my husband look this is my child no matter young or old and she isn’t by any means going to leave here and be on the street . U can act like my husband and together we will help her get back on track . That is just my opinion .I am not perfect but that is how I would handle it . I

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I dated before my divorce was final. Thankfully, my grandparents (whom took me in during the divorce) didn’t make a big deal of it since i still worked and respected (for the most part… I slipped a few times) their rules

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Ahhh she’s an adult, let her live her life. She is paying you rent and following the rules but you can’t control her and tell her what to do with her life. That’s being super manipulative. You can express your concerns and give her advice but she’s her own person :woman_shrugging:

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Ummmm her body her choice. She is a grown woman. Yes, you’re her mom and helping her but you don’t rule over her. She is a grown woman!! Try to support her, it’s can’t be easy given the situation.

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She’s an adult and can date who she wants.

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Do not kick her out bc of this new guy. Maybe it is her way of coping with a failed marriage. As long as she pays rent and cleans up after herself, and sticks to the rules you’ve already set.

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Sounds like your husband isn’t a good man either if he doesn’t want your daughter to live with you. And she’s a grown up. Let her make her own mistakes. Be supportive and be there for her. What she’s going through isn’t easy. Also going through a divorce? She has every right to see someone new. And remember. Your children’s needs come before your husband’s wants. And you never choose a man over a human you grew for 9 months, pushed out, and raised. Be a better parent. :tipping_hand_woman:t2:

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This is crazy. Seriously. She is your daughter.

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  1. She isn’t a teen anymore
    2.she’s an adult she can see a new man if she wants
    3 only thing you need to worry about is if she’s paying rent and cleaning up after herself
    Other than that you are her mother you need to be there for her
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I don’t care how old my daughter is, she comes before any man. She is getting a divorce, she can date whoever she wants. You don’t have to have him in your house, but its none of your business.

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Tbh I would kick her out she needs to focus on getting her life together and a divorce not finding a new man

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OK you guys are helping her but her personal life is still her personal life. Unless he’s sleeping over. But then again if she’s paying some rent…:woman_shrugging:t2:

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Don’t pick a man over your kids for one.

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As a mother i could never imagine kicking my child out just because I don’t agree with what they are doing with their life, especially since she has children. Since she can’t afford to be on her own are you completely okay with your daughter and grandchildren living in a car, under a bridge or in a homeless shelter?? If you answered yes to that, then I’m sorry your daughter and grandchildren deserve SOOOO much better. I’ll pray your daughter gets on her feet and gets out of your house ASAP.

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You guys sound like terrible parents.

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I don’t care how old your kid is your kid always comes first I don’t give a crap what a man says if my kids need a place to sleep and feel safe my door is always open

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Personally, I’d tell her to look for a new place to live. If she’s acting out and you ignore it, then you’re telling g your other children that bad habits and actions are acceptable. However, I would not make that decision because of your husband. It would be based on what all she is or is not doing

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Your her mother ,as a mother your children no matter how old they are when they live with you , they come first. IF SHE IN A UNHAPPY marriage and she is seeing someone you don’t like ,it’s done of your business, you just have to hope and pray she doesn’t take her baby’s to be with him,and by you nagging her about him,that’s what she will do

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Child should always come first irregardless of how you feel she is also an adult who can make her own choices you chose to let her move back in after it being not so good the first time you never should have let her back in

No offense but it is absolutely none of your business if she is seeing another man or even 100 other men. She can see whoever she wants. What you CAN do is say not to bring a man into your home. If she’s following whatever house rules you put forth and is paying rent, what’s the problem? You’re trying to make a decision of kicking her out JUST IN CASE there’s issues but it doesn’t even sound like there are any issues. You might be uncommon with her PERSONAL choices but they are hers to make. Now, if you really don’t want her there, it’s your house and she’s grown :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Time limits. who’s watching the kids ? School or work ?

It sounds like you and your husband should worry more about your own problems. She is grown . She can do what she wants so it doesn’t really matter if you agree or not . I would not kick her out with no where else to go . That would be shitty, but help do the steps it takes to get her on her own again .

If she is paying tp live there, no, why kick her out? She’s an adult, you and your husband can’t tell her who she can and cannot see romantically or any other aspect. You can give your opinion but she’s young, she’s going to make mistakes in life. If she was living anywhere else she couldn’t be evicted based on who she’s seeing. Personally I don’t understand how you’re comfortably with charging your daughter to love in your, her mother’s, home.is she in you and your husband love life business? I doubt it so why stick your nose in hers. Sounds like your husband just wants things a certain way and is looking for petty reasons to get his way and get her out of the house. I could never in a million years imagine kicking my baby girl out, or making her pay rent for that matter. Mama’s house is their house, always open, whether it be for a few hours,a night or a year.

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Sounds like ur husband wants a piece of her pie… 2 weeks and ur already fed up… she is a grown woman. Her personal life isn’t ur business… ur suppose to be der for her and ur grandchildren… ue husbands is the one with the problem and complaining to u so ur making it an issue… watch ur husband closely .

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Wow :woman_facepalming: she’s your daughter !! No matter what in life a mother should always stand by her babies. I know I would.

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No , she is your child your blood your husband new when he married you that you had children and I was raised no matter how old etc that mom is the one who will always have your back help you , it’s crazy to Me that your making her pay rent yes I understand she adult and costing more for her to be there but she could be saving it to put towards her place etc but no I wouldn’t kick her out at least your grandbaby’s are there she is there you know there safe

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It’s none of your business who she sees. If she is married single divorced

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So you just throwing her to the wolves no money or a place to stay nope your man need to go

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I don’t know the whole truth but seems like your husband has a issue with her. it didn’t say she did anything wrong so he’s finding anything she’s doing wrong. she probably feels like no matter what she does if it’s not your way she gets thrown on the street. I personally don’t think she should be kicked out over her having a relationship outside of your home. just my opinion tho

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My children will always come first over my husband- no matter how old they get- They will be welcome in my home for as long as I’m alive and breathing- No way in hell I would kick my child out because my husband didn’t want them there. He’d move out before I allowed that to happen- I am a firm believer in that a young adult will be less apt to make horrible life altering decisions IF they have a good sturdy support system behind them. Helping them. I would never ever kick my child out. ESPECIALLY behind a man I chose to do this life with that can’t accept her as part of the deal. She’s part of me. He isn’t- He can go. But the daughter STAYS!!

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I need to speak to the person behind this post :woozy_face: let me speak to the manager

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This is tricky :thinking: Normally I would say helping your daughter, is definitely your first priority…but… if she’s not going to respect your house and wishes while she’s living in your house, she just may need to learn the hard way.

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She is an adult, she left her husband she should secure a place to stay permanently, your house should be temporary. You should give her a time limit.

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Tough love. Tell her she has 2 weeks to find another place to stay.

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Omg I would hate to have parents like you. Thank God that didn’t happen.

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You can set whatever rules you’d like. If you tell her that whenever she’s in your house she has to balance a carrot on your head then that’s your rule. If she doesn’t like it she can move.

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Give her notice of how long you will give her to save money to get on her own. She is an adult making adult decisions. It is not up to you to finance and shelter her choices.

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Since you said “no rude comments” I will keep scrolling :roll_eyes:

You may not like or agree with the choices she’s making but telling her she can’t see this guy or kicking her out won’t stop her from seeing him. Honestly I’d have a talk with her again letting her know since she is living with you that you want her to respect your house rules so maybe he isn’t allowed there. Stay open with her and she will hopefully stay open with you and have the respect for you to honor your house rules. As for your husband hopefully he can be understanding that she is your child and family.

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She’s 23, got married young, most marriages don’t work out that young. You’re butting into her personal life. Whether you like it or not, she’s an adult. What she did in her teen years shouldn’t matter anymore. Move past that. YOU brought her into this world, regardless of age, she is your responsibility for life. I don’t care how old my kids are, I will guide them and love them and let them stay with me until the end of time. I brought my kids into this world, theres no way in HELL I would reject them, especially at 23, over their choice in women or men. Get real, get over yourself, and be a parent.

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as a mother myself and a stepmother i could never kick out a child well she’s not a child but shes still your child, my stepdaughter’s mother kicked her out over a new boyfriend and that killed her and pissed me off, i understand what she’s doing is wrong but she’s an adult and yea she. is living under your roof but you can’t really stop her, you lock her out then what, she will get mad and probably stop talking to you and you will lose her, and if she is paying some rent then she can come and go as she pleases. trust me i wouldn’t like it either. but now a days we have to keep our kids close to us. you never know what tomorrow brings

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ALWAYS PUT YOUR KIDS 1ST a husband can do lots and be there but you can always get another husband but your kids are YOURS xxx

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that’s a grown a$$ woman her seeing a married man ain’t got nothing to do with yall. y’all trying to control her. HER LIFE HER LESSONS NO ITS NOT RIGHT SHES AN ADULT SHE HAS CONTROL OF HER ON ACTIONS. SIT DOWN AND HAVE A TALK WITH HER. HELP her find some resources or something . don’t just throw her out knowing she don’t got no where to stay. JESUS CHRIST. that’s your child you more worried about him then your daughter.

Gosh she’s is dealing with so much maybe she just needs a guy friend to talk to. You act like she is living with her husband cheating on him. She came to you for help and you want to throw her out?

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As long as she is abiding by the rules that were laid out and paying whatever was agreed on, her love life isn’t any of yours or your husband’s business. She’s 23 and an adult. The only say you have is if he’s allowed to come to your home or not. Which I would guess probably not. As long as she’s doing what was asked of her, you’d be an a-hole to throw her out, IMO.

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You should kick her out because she’s a grown ass woman or thinks she is- and you’re not responsible for her f ups. If she doesn’t have enough money to care for herself , suggest she finds a way to make some—- seriously it ain’t that hard

This is your daughter you was not perfect at this age.dont expect her to be.you come out of a divorce. don’t pick a.man over your child

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Do what is best for you and your husband

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I will never make any of my kids leave not ever!!

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No you definitely shouldn’t kick your child out becUse your husband doesnt approve of her life choices. You set rules and shes following them and that’s it. Her choices are hers to make. As her mother you get to tell her you dont approve and you get to counsel and advise her but you do not get to act as an anchor in her life. She is your child and that’s your husband . If she breaks the rules and disrespect your home fine shes out but anything other than that ,you just need to stand your ground and let your husband know you’re not going to put your child out on the street and that’s just something he has to deal with. Look let me be real here, dont be a deadbeat mom because you chose the man. You WILL regret it later.

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She needs to respect your rules if she wants to live there, regardless if she is of age! If she wants to act like a adult you can get her to move out :woman_shrugging:

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It’s been two weeks . It seems to me you are just trying to find any reason to kick her out . I couldn’t live with myself knowing I kicked my daughter out , knowing she had no place to go …she’s only 23 , she must of been married very young . She is just learning who she is . What she needs is a supportive mother during this time of her life.

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Sorry to hear. If the living situation is causing you stress its best she find her own place to live. She is an adult. Have a talk with her and see if she will follow the rules of your house or she will need to leave. Explain that it is causing you stress and that you are willing to help her but she needs to respect you too. Take care of yourself x

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For one thing she is a grown woman you can’t make her decisions whether she lives in your house or not. Secondly if she’s paying rent she is contributing and in most states that fact alone gives her rights and you could have to go through the courts to evict her if she fights it.

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I would consider how taking her in is enabling her to not focus on her situation and marriage bc it’s easier for her to run away and now pretend she isn’t married and have a boyfriend on the side. Would she be doing that if she still had to live at home with her husband? Would they be forced to think about the decision. Don’t make her fall easier I know that’s hard hard hard to do as a parent but it’s the same thing as a drug addiction and interventions. If you run to them save them from their fall then they don’t realize the true nature of their decisions because someone always saves them helps them enables them etc. I know you love her and I know it’s hard but kicking her out and making her really
Consider what she is doing is probably the best thing. She’s an adult, you can still love and support her in other ways and it sounds like she needs your guidance if she’s got a husband two young kids and a boyfriend.

I tell my kids they are always able to come home. You are her mother regardless of her age. A man will come and go she is your child forever.

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I think her personal relationship ei- a boyfriend, is none of your business🤷🏻‍♀️ She’s grown & pays her way

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How the hell is her personal life any of yours or your husbands business? :joy:

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You are a mom for life regardless of how old your child is. Your husband can kick rocks. :woman_shrugging: No man will EVER come before MY child when they need me and your daughter clearly needs you…

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As long as she’s paying the rent and following the rules you laid down, I don’t see how it’s any of your business who she sees. Yeah, it sucks she’s pretty much cheating on her husband, but that’s not really your business. She needs to live her life. She’s an adult now, not a teenager. If she violates the rules you FIRST agreed to, or stops paying rent, sure kick her out, but otherwise her dating and personal life isn’t something you should stick your nose in.

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You should never turn your back on your children no matter how old they are or how terrible their decisions are in life. She’s still young and has so much to learn. We all go through life and learn from experiences. She isn’t any different. Your husband on the other hand has to understand that this is your child and she has your grandchildren to care for. Your husband should be a little more compassionate about her not having a place to live with her children. Both of you should help her with trying to be able to stand on her own such as applying for some type of assistance or helping her find a decent job so she won’t have to live with you.

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Lady! You obviously love :eggplant: more than your own child! He has a problem with her because it’s not his daughter but she is yours!!!

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Holy hell!! If she’s getting a divorce she can date whoever she wants!! Whether the divorce is final or not. It’s not up to you. If she’s following the rules and paying rent why the hell would you throw her out knowing she can’t afford living in her own?! Sounds like your husband is the issue not your daughter. And it also sounds like you’re willing to choose him over your own kid. Grow up

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