She’s an adult you shouldn’t meddle in her love life. If you don’t approve of him then make the rule he isn’t welcome at your home. Putting her out puts your grandkids out not fair to them.
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She’s ur kid no matter her age. It’s really not ur business who she she’s if she is happy she is happy. Long as she is helping u with ur bills. Ur support to her means more then trying to control her
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It’s two separate issues. Her living with you and being a good housemate has little to do with her choices in life. She is 23 years old. If she wants to date someone you don’t like while she’s married, she’s going to - and should be able to do it. That shouldn’t impact her spot in your house. As long as she’s not doing drugs or harming your family, let her have a place to live and calmly communicate your feelings on the matter
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I’d say she shouldn’t bring any men into your house, but to kick her out for getting some strange so soon after leaving her husband would be a bit much.
Let her know you expect her to actively try to get on her own feet ASAP, and that you’re not some discount bed & breakfast while she has fun.
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This is tough. Firstly the relationship is all adults so different dynamic. You need to talk to your husband and gently support him and help him shift his perspective. She brings your grandchildren so focus on that.
Your focus shouldnt been on who she does or doesn’t date. She is an adult. You dont have to agree with her choices. However you do have a right to talk about the grandkids, if she is leaving and not there for the children whose homelife has been torn upside down thats a conversation that should be had. You can agree to expectations and set some rules. Talk about the challenges of the teen years and how you are feeling / concerns.
You can put a timeframe on how long she is there. You can support her to find something else. Give her time. Be generous with your thoughts and expectations of her. Help your husband to do the same. Seek support of a therapist or counsellor to guide you through. Be patient.
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She’s your daughter, she needs your help. Maybe she’s lonely, sad, depressed, conflicted and scared. Helping out around the house is cool and so is paying a little rent. She is YOUR child. That being said, she’s 23 and you don’t have any place to tell her she can’t date someone. Her marriage is already over there’s only paperwork left. Kicking her out would send her into the arms of this man you don’t approve of. He’s just a rebound guy, she’s starting over at such a young age. Your husband needs to man up and stop trying to regulate a 23 year old woman. She’s your kid, be her mother.
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The fact that you could possibly side with a man over your child is sad! She’s your daughter through it all not just when she does everything you like of her. I think setting boundaries is a must and rent is a must being she is grown…but wanting to kick her out bc she’s moving on from her marriage and already dating is wrong of you. I don’t know if she’s your only child or not but I guarantee if you kick her out over getting some dick she will remember that when you are old and needy.
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She is an adult and it really isn’t any of your business how she lives her life. Its your business if she pays her rent and follows basic household rules. Be her support and love her
Maybe then she will ask for your advice
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I can’t believe I’m even reading this. Maybe try to help her find a place and help her maybe with first month or something…Not judge her as long as they are separated mind your own business on her love life. Also, seems like you need a new husband. I can see why she don’t pick the best. Apparently neither do you.
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Boot. Shes never going to learn if you’re enabling her which is exactly whats happening. Its your home she lives your way or she needs another place and also sounds like she needs some therapy. Booting now will save you from this being a repeat issue till you die because thats what will happen.
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I mean as long as she is separated from her husband 100% then I would let her date. I would encourage her to date better. If u kick her out she will just move in with this guy. I would sit down and talk to her. I believe encouragement goes further than turning ur back. Ik after my husband left me I dated different types of guys to see what I wanted and didn’t want.
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Been there, done that. If she is an adult, needs to respect your household period. You don’t have to kick her out, put your foot down and let her make the choice. It’s your way or no way.
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Sounds like the only thing that matters to you is your husbands opinions and trying to control an adult, not the fact your daughter and grandchildren need your support, she’s not a teenager and her dating life has nothing to do with you or your husbands control issues
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Your house your rules! She can act right or leave. Don’t allow her to put a strain of your marriage, house or family.
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Speaking from experience, do not choose your husband over your child no matter the age. She will never forgive you. Set boundaries, help her find her way including a home for her, whatever it takes.
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It is your house, she is an adult with a family. She absolutely needs to respect your rules & her bringing her drama into the house will negatively affect all of you. That’s how I would approach it. You have smaller kids to think about & so does she so she needs to get her crap together & grow up. She’s making her choices & she should have to live with them. I hope she doesn’t let it get to the point where you have to give her an ultimatum.
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Yep your house your rules no matter her age! She’s an adult she can fend for herself
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From what I’ve read it’s you that has young children and not your daughter? So she does not have children? When I was going through my divorce I did date. He was taking an intentionally long time to agree to the divorce even though he was the one that left and was very public about dating. I was very private. She’s an adult paying rent. I don’t think you can just kick her out. You’d have to evict her. I agree with suggesting counseling. Encourage being safe. And just be there through a very hard time in her life. If this guy isn’t doing drugs or abusing her then I wouldn’t be too worried. That is wrong of your husband though to not even give a chance. I do get being put in a hard place if you have young children with him. But your big baby matters too and looks like she just lost her family. She may just need a little grace.
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Your daughter is 23 years old…she is separated from her husband …if she has a bf then that’s her choice…she has cone home for your support she is paying her way…give her a break…just because problems when she was younger…you can’t hold that against her…you can not pick and choose who she sees…has long has she respects you both with not bringing men back …its hard for your daughter having her own independence then coming back home to your rules…can understand your point of view too…at least you can keep an eye on her and if there’s a problem as a parent no matter what age she’s your girl
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At 23 your not being unreasonable if she isn’t respecting you. Tho her choice are her own own not your business. She isn’t a child so respect that too. But if drama ends up at your door than it is extremely valid to tell her she needs to make other arrangements asap. Goodluck. Hope everything works out !
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Your house your rules. But you cannot control her dating lifestyle. What you can control is not allowing her to bring said boyfriend around your home. Make that VERY clear. If he comes around the home, she WILL be tossed out.
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My kids are MY KIDS until the day I die. I don’t care if I’m 90 and their 60 I’ll be there to help and support them 100%
No one will ever come in between that! Married or not. If she has no support from you, then who will she have? Set boundaries, tell her she has limits under your roof. But please don’t shun her for the sake of your marriage.
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Are the young ones hers? Does she take them with her on dates? Don’t be a built in babysitter. There are programs to help her get housing. Help her locate assistance with getting her own place.
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Umm…why can’t she afford to live on her own when she has no kids? And who she sees and what she does outside of the house is none of your business. I feel like she is just wanting to party and see other guys and have a cheap place to live and not be responsible. BUT I feel like you really don’t want her there. If it were me, my rule is that as long as you are living under my roof you will pay rent and or be in school to further your life. If your just needing a place to crash and partying then no. Not at all. She’s an adult. She needs to get her shit together and figure it out.
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I will never understand anyone who choses a significant other over their child. Ever. Or even debates on it.
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Mmm this is a touchy subject…. She is grown and make her own decisions but at the same time she is living under your roof……have y’all sat down and tried an adult non-hostile conversation between the 3 of you? For one we all know no matter what as mother’s we can’t make our kids homeless no matter how old they are, she is your daughter. At the same time your husband should show compassion…. Sounds like everyone is on pins and needles and it needs to be discussed
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If her personal life is the issue, then mind your own business. She’s a grown adult and people deserve to make their own decisions. If she’s following your rules and paying rent, you really don’t have a say.
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If she is paying rent and following your rules then there should be no issue. Who and how she decides to date is not really your business unfortunately. I mean it’s hard to watch and it sucks but she is an adult and making her own decisions. It is your business if you choose to allow that person in your house or not
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Your children always come before your significant other. And if you are wanting to kick her out because she is seeing someone that’s just not okay. She is separated from her husband. I honestly don’t think it is your business if she choose to move on so quickly. If you don’t want the boyfriend to come to your home that is understandable. But to kick her out because you don’t agree with her choice of men and/or your husband doesn’t want her there are very wrong reasons. She is paying rent agreed to the rules of the house nothing else matters. She is your child! Should you really have to be asking if you should throw her out on the streets?
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Daughter needs to grow up. She needs to respect you, your husband and your home. If she cannot abide by your rules, perhaps it is time for her to move out so she can live her life, her way.
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The amount of people on here saying she is grown and doesn’t need to follow the house arrangements that her mother placed is pretty scary! If I were ever in a situation where I’d have to go back home to live with my parents It would be fully disrespectful to my parents to come and go as I please in THEIR house hold!! just cause I’m grown doesn’t mean I don’t have to respect my parents rules in the house hold PERIOD and in my personal opinion if she got time to find a new man she should have time to work and save up money to move out!
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Tough situation. At 23 she is old enough to live on her own. Are you in a position to help her find a small apt and help with the first months rent? If so I would take that route, that way her life choices don’t have an affect on your marriage or your children. Tell her she must stand on her own two feet after that first month. I’m assuming she has a job. Time for her to be a grown up both in her living situation and in her relationship choices. Good luck!
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Her relationship should have nothing to do with you and your husband. Whether y’all agree with it or not, why would HER relationship cause problems between you and your husband?? She’s not trying to move the guy in so I’m having trouble processing why that matters… I have 3 kids, 2 daughters. My children are my world and I’d accept them back home at ANY age if they needed my help. I would rather my daughter live at home and I know she’s safe and off the streets, away from drugs.
Idk, but that’s your daughter. She should come even before your husband, it doesn’t sound like SHE is causing problems between y’all. It sounds like HE would cause the problems when he starts arguing about her being there.
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What is up with all these people throwing their children away because your afraid it’s gonna hurt your boyfriend or husband feelings did u not have that child already ? Is she not part of your life your her mother she has 2 children
Where she Gonna go? She is willing to help pay to stay there yet you find another excuse because she is dating someone and your husband might get mad ??
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She has to respect the rules.but don’t make her situation worst by trying to control.someone because they are in your home. She has to follow the rules…period. SHE’S NOT A TEEN anymore…so give her a chance. The dude could be who helps her get out sooner…so just stay out her business. If her marriage is over…she knows the moves to make. Just be the happy grandparents for a bit and let her get her stuff together. Your husband is being a dick because he thinks them.being there will make you stop being intimate even more now. So when she and the kids are away… hop on the meat and tell him how it’s going to be. Your kids come first…FOREVER! Good.luck…God bless.
Just wanted to say that when my husband and I first got together my parents didn’t like him. Now they absolutely adore him. Is there a reason you don’t like this guy?
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Seriously you guys sound petty 1) she doesnt have ti explain her romantic life to you nor do you have a say in it 2) shes and adukt who is struggleing and you shouldnt just kick her out because you dont like how she lives her life 3) it sounds like your both looking for a reason to kick her out and im sorry but somethings arent your busness if you set rules and shes followed them then theres no reason to kick her out not to mention youll be jepardizing your grandkids as well
You need to sit down and talk to her yes she needs help but she needs to be told about house rules and she isnt a kid she is grown with children of her own and than if she dont listen tell her she will have to find some other place to go but no one is going to put up with her not helping and cleaning up she needs to know you love her and the children but she needs to know what you will and wont put up with God Bless you and your family and lean on God and do it the way God would want you to
I told my husband that there will always be a room ready and available if one of my daughters need it. They will always have a place to go should the shit bit the fan. She isn’t a teenager anymore so she can and should make her own choices. Just be there when she needs you.
Her life inside your house is your business but her life outside of your house isn’t…if she is cleaning and paying rent and things like that then what she does outside of your house isn’t really your concern…she is an adult and can do as she pleases
Hi let your daughter stay plus u r helping your grandkids make some rules don’t let her take the piss my daughter came back for a while but she just wanted to party and other things she lost her kids has your partner got kids his kids might need his help one day I always said to my kids there always b a home same with my partner kids but if they took the piss they have to go give her a chance xx
What a post
. If a mother has questions about raising own child at this age. I wonder what where she was lacking while the child was growing she should try to get to know her child more amd find out what she is battling in her self relationship. Then ponder on some years back and maybe get an idea of what emotions she might have endured as a kid and how to fix. Idk. Im talking too much about something that clearly isn’t my buisness.
Whats best for your chikd will be whats bestb for you.
It’s one thing to have household rules, but it’s giving off red flags that’s she’s 23 and your husband might letting who your daughter date effect YOUR marriage. What would you want from your parents if you were 23 and struggling? Would you want the pressure of your mother and her husbands marriage falling apart when hers is as well? If she’s not bringing random men into the home it is quite frankly none of your business who she sees, same as it’s been since she was 18
That sounds ridiculous. Seems like some kind of self conscious fear the two of you have about splitting up and god forbid seeing other people before the papers get signed. Idk, my kids come first☝🏻 As her mom I would be so excited for her I’d pick her outfit for the date. Bond with your daughter. She’s going through a hard time.
I’m 33 and going through a divorce, live with my mother and pay no bills, have a 9 year old daughter also I am seeing someone. Looking at this from both sides-my mother is my best friend, the reason I am who I am today and my biggest supporter. I do not come in her house at all hours of the night. I would be devastated if she kicked me out simply bc I built a life around my husband and daughter. It is now being torn apart. Be her mother and never choose a man over her. I would never kick my child out bc I didn’t agree with her life choices-I may have something to say but I’d never say get out of my house.
i feel you are putting your husband first then your own daughter you should have a talk with your daughter as to what rules you have in the house but as what she is doing you can’t control her decisions she grown already to know what to do and you can give her advice cause at the end of the day she can hear your opinion and husband’s opinion but she will do whatever she wants if you simply care more about what your husband thinks then kick her out if their is a way y’all can come to an agreement then that would resolve the problem if not give her a notice to leave the house
She’s an adult paying rent. It’s great you are helping her. Try talking to her before you kick her out. It’s not longer your place to control who she’s dating. 
Do you want to risk losing a life time of a relationship with her over this?
You choose.
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My daughter would be welcome to live with me at any age.
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As a daughter who was on a similar situation and have dealt with it personally as well…
Pick your battles here. Do not judge her as she takes a step away from the marriage she was in.
You should recommend her seeing a therapist to help her get through this part/end of her marriage. Also you shouldn’t tell her who she can and cannot be with as long as it is not causing problems WITHIN your home.
Look at her as a roommate that needs guidance at this point.
Also, tell your husband to lead by example as to how she should treat someone. Tell him that God doesn’t like ugly. The past is the past for a reason.
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I would never choose your husband over your daughter.
She’s an adult with her own decisions.
And I’m saying this because you never once referred to him as being her father. You made a point to say he was your husband. It seems like the disconnect there is something you should probably speak to your husband about… cause a man who doesn’t like your child (especially if it’s his own child??) Is something to be a little concerned about
My Mom kicked me out since I couldn’t respect her wishes and I learned the hard way that she was right all along. We didn’t have any marriage involved but he was definitely the wrong guy.
Question are you from the Caribbean by any chance sometime everything is not throwing somebody out it can be a conversation a dialogue for just finding out what is happening you know sometime are we everything about is I’m going to throw you out that doesn’t help the situation though
Your house your rules . I remember my Mom my niece and my husband’s oldest son living with us almost broke up my marriage had to tell all of them to move.
No you should not kick her out she is your daughter unless she is doing criminal activity or causing you harm then, No even though her age says she’s grown obviously she is not grown sounds like she needs some foundation to who she is and what she stands for and some wisdom not to be kicked out, your husband should be praying with her and taking some quality time with her to teach her about men and how to choose the right man-Is your husband her father-either or if so or not ask yourself if either or would his concerns be different and if so educate him on what a young woman would need from a father, I don’t think as a mother should ever kick a child out, unless they are aiding in addiction in their 30or above and won’t go to treatment, when my children are old enough I am going to teach them about putting money away and have them put 30%of their income into their savings I don’t need my rent payed by my children but they will learn responsibility with money but I would not benefit from it!
Just because she was trouble at a teen don’t mean she be trouble now…she is an adult and if she ain’t with her husband she deserve to be happy just like any other person. I’m 31 with a four year old and I don’t care if she is 40 and needs me and need to stay with me I’ll always choose my child before anyone in my life.
If you believe she shouldn’t be with a man while she still married I hope you never have separated from a married man and got with someone before divorced I’m sure you was not perfect growing up and being a young adult. For the husband part I would never let any man make me choose him or my kid it’s baseically what he is making you do and if a man truly love you he would never make you choose that. She paying rent and following the rules so she doing what you wanted which is awesome but she deserves a life of her own too even if still living with you even if she dates a douche or not.
Iv been there done that. Yes she pays rent and can do what she wants however as a landlord the you can make rules on your property if dont go by rules eviction is the way to go.
You’re nothing like my mother and I just could not imagine picking my husband over my own kids. Husbands come and go but your kids are your kids forever and they come first. What if she ends up homeless? What if she loses her kids because you did this? She’s not violent. She’s not hurting anyone. She’s not on drugs. Even if she was, you should help her instead of kicking her out unless she’s stealing or doing thing to make it not livable. Yes, I agree she’s wrong for dating another man while married but this falls under mind your own business cause she’s grown. I cannot believe your husband and he might would be gone if he was mine. My kids will always come first and yours should too.
Make a contract and both sign it, like a landlord would do. Tell her you love her. Tell her you would do anything for her. But you’re both adults now and you need to set boundaries. Good luck, mama.
Perhaps encourage her to seek counsel for her issues. Support her attempts in this. Then consider the next step.
Be supportive so it doesn’t get worse if this guy isn’t good material. Keep her accountable and responsible. Just don’t allow him there if you don’t approve.
You can’t control what she does outside of your house 
if she’s choosing to see another man, and she’s doing it away from your house, you have no say. Quit being so power hungry and controlling. She needs your help with a place to stay, and so do your grandchildren, yet you’re worried about who she’s sleeping with, when she’s not at your house? Come on, lady. Get a grip.
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Seems like your husband has the problem with her not you.
She’s a grown adult, who, like your husband and yourself, deserves to have a private life. You can disagree with her decisions all you want, but still be supportive. It’s really not that hard to mind your own business on stuff that doesn’t concern you. She’s not a baby!
I could never let a man tell me my daughter couldn’t live with me 
I started working at 16 in the uk. i paid my mum money towards the electricity. it was only a few pounds. but it was the right thing to do.
time to set her free, if she won’t accept the wings you so freely gave, then she will have to learn the hard way to fly on her own, so many today have to fall hard on their face, with no pillow to soften the blow, to learn how to get up and fly on their own, you did your job, opening your door to chaos is just that, you either deal with the problem there in your home and life, or set it free and deal with the after effects of a good decision, maybe one day she will thank you, but don’t hold your breath, signed a parent who has been there done that, respect is key, when their is none, chaos ensues every single time,
If you were in your daughter’s shoes what would you hope your Mom would do?
Your child should ALWAYS first no matter what.
I’d tell her it’s my way or the highway.
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She’s making her bed now she needs to lay in it .
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Don’t choose no man over your child ever
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Time for daughter to get some much needed tough love. Grow up time
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No, you love her unconditionally.
My mother always said. You made your bed now lay in it. I think it made me stronger and I worked out my own problems She needs to respect your rules and in stead of dating get to a
Place where she is standing on her own 2 feet
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She a grown woman, your house your rules.
If you kick her out, you’re kicking the kids out.
Dont kick her out with nowhere to go
Tell her to kick rocks 
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It’s time to let her go mama & this comes from my mother having to let me go it will hurt you like hell but in the end she’ll love you for it I’m concerned about the babies because she is acting so careless but at the end of the day my mom said “you wanna be grown then be grown” kids and all of it wasn’t for that lesson I wouldn’t be the woman and mother I am today
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Kids don’t come before your husband ever!!!
Im sorry didnt u say she’s an adult ? She can see whoever she wants divorced yet or not that’s her choice as long as its not toxic for her or her kids second of all your her mother and I think u should definitely be open minded and not immediately think shes gonna mess something up in UR marriage seems like relationship issues on ur end 
So many negative things to say about this man and acting like this mom is a terrible person. She already stated she caused problems in their marriage when she was a teen. Now divorcing by 23 and back home. For all any of us know she’s a selfish little brat who needs to grow up and get her life together. Moved back home to live off mom n stepdad again. We’re always moms first but at what point do you stop letting your ‘adult’ child affect your marriage? Or do you just keep enabling them and lose your husband in the mean time.
It sounds like you’re trying to control who she sees and what she does. She pays rent she follows your rules, you just don’t like her husband
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I see your problem and I understand it from both sides. I would have a serious talk with your Daughter and let her know if she isn’t going to act right she will need to get her own place. Give her another chance. If it was just the husband I’d choose my daughter but him being the father of your 2 small children makes things a little harder.
Keep having her back. Unless she’s directly disrespecting you
My kids always have home to come home to. So this is a no brained for me.
Why are you trying to control a whole grown adult
If she cannot respect your wishes in your home she needs to go.
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Yep. Sorry it is like that but…. Let her mess happen elsewhere.
Help her out but give her a date to be out on her own
Technically she can do whatever she wants. She’s grown. Though it’s messed up for a parent to just up and abandon a baby they had. Your PARENTING doesn’t stop when he/she is grown. If anything it has JUST begun. But your kid your life. I have a mother who just says fuck me whenever and DOESNT see the actual help or love that I’m needing. I will not ever throw my child out I will go into another room before I put any of my babies out (.)
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i mean. she is an adult and can do w.e she wants. just cause u don’t agree with what she’s doing doesn’t mean you should kick her out… that’s a little insensitive…
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She is a grown women. She can see who she pleases. If she is following rules and helping that’s all that matters. You want to put your grandbabies on the street? Sorry that seems sick… Your kids and grandkids should come first
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Put no one before your children. Stop trying to control her; she’s grown. The past is the past. Why try and hold her accountable for something she can’t change.
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Kick her out! She doesn’t respect u n knows how to manipulate u! Pretty soon she’ll have her lover staying over
Tough love. Time she grew up. She can afford to live.on her on. It’s called being a grown up and working two jobs to make ends meet. That’s how life is.
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Put no one before your children. Stop trying to control her; she’s grown. The past is the past. Why try and hold her accountable for something she can’t change.
Would you be asking the same questions if she were male? I have seen this happen in families where a grown male child gets a free pass to do as he pleases, but grown female children are held to a much higher standard.
Mother’s like you make me so mad.
Kids first always.
And sorry but sure her marriage. Has nothing Todo with you. I kick her out yes so she goes somewhere she wanted.
What kind of mother let’s a man dictate thing s a cuckoo one.
I say yes, it’s ok to give her 30/45 days to go. She became a real big girl when She got married & had her own children So she & her husband/new boyfriend need to figure it out. Don’t risk your relationship, You did your job.