QUESTION:
"I need some advice. I have a 23 yr old daughter with marital problems and has moved in with me and my husband and two young children. My husband does not want her here because of issues with her living with us before (she was a teenager then and not following rules. Not cleaning up, and coming home in the middle of the night). She agreed to pay some rent and to our rules. Now she has been here two weeks, and we find out she is seeing a new guy and she is still married. My husband and I do not agree with this. Plus, this guy isn't a good choice of men. I have told her it needs to stop until she is out of her marriage and gets her life together, but she just blows me off and acts like she can do whatever she wants. Should I kick her out even though she can't afford to live on her own? If I let her stay, I'm afraid it's going to cause problems with my husband and me. Please, no rude comments."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"She's 23, got married young, most marriages don't work out that young. You're butting into her personal life. Whether you like it or not, she's an adult. What she did in her teen years shouldn't matter anymore. Move past that."
"I would never choose a man over my daughter. Talk to her about it."
"It’s hard but maybe you and your husband need to find a way to support her through her troubles instead of brushing her off , and all three of you can work as a team."
"If she is going through a divorce she has every right to start seeing someone else. You can say he is not allowed in your house but telling her not to date is really none of your business. As long as she is following the household rules and cleaning up after herself I don't see how her love life affects you guys. What she did as a teenager should not be held over her head years later."
"If she’s separated from her husband then it’s up to her what she does. Divorce can take time. So long as she’s not bringing this man to your house it’s not really up to you who she sees in her spare time she’s an adult. She’s your daughter at the end of the day she’s blood to you. Sounds like your husband is the one with the issue with her not the other way around."
"Shes an adult, her dating life is her own choice and frankly none of your business. The farthest you can go is telling her she cant bring anyone into your home."
"She is grown yes but your still her mom. I believe in never turning your back on your children. You can express your disappointment in her decisions but you should also try helping her through this time in her life as well. Any decent husband should support you with that."
"My daughter and her little ones came and went a few times. She wasn't sure of feelings or whatever. We helped with the grandkids as she sorted through her adult stuff. We need to be there in different ways now that they are adults. If i don't agree well shes an adult she needs to figure it out. But turn our backs is something we never do."
"If she’s in a rough place then the last thing you should do is kick her out especially with the Covid stuff. She clearly needs you or she wouldn’t have come back HOME! Let the past go. And lastly maybe her coming home was a result of an issue in her marriage. Divorce can be expensive and nasty. Maybe she doesn’t know what she wants and is figuring it out. Let her make her own choices and maybe mistakes. Let her decide that. Your children should come first no matter their age. As for your husband it’s the role that is taken when someone has children."
"Your children should always come first no matter how old they are. They are your flesh and blood."
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