Should I let my 5-year-old live with her dad?

A very difficult decision. There is no wrong or right answer. Search your heart. Ask yourself is she just angry that her daddy isn’t in the house anymore? Is she just hitting out at you? Is it (as a five year old would do) just comparing fun prospects where she doesn’t have to “make her bed”? Etc.
Is your ex a good dad? Maybe week on week off is a good compromise. Our next door neighbours split with two daughters aged 6 & 4, they do week on week off and it seems to work for them. The kids get to settle in to the different households well after the initial first day.
I feel for you very much, you must feel broken. Sending you a big warm hug💗

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Will the new wife be able to love her like you do? What about her hair can dad do if the way she likes. Yes things are nice but she’ll miss you and want to come back… does dad want her full time? How does dad feel about your parenting? Is he helping financially with her needs?
I’d say to really consider not letting her live with them or go to more 50/50, if possible, money can’t buy love, it can’t buy her your values and morals, it can’t give her advice after a rough day of school.

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You do what’s best for the child.

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It may be a good idea so you have time to get more on your feet. You know she’s being well taken care of so that’s half the battle :heart: I wouldn’t take it as a slap in the face or anything and don’t be too hard on yourself. I would be heartbroken too but what is a year in the life of 80 years? you got this. I’d sit with the other two and get a plan

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I wouldn’t but I would if it’s possible and maybe even help u out , do 50/ 50 , week on/ off or even 2 weeks on and off, this way if u need it u could pick up more time at work or just relax it save u in long run less food , if he playing c.s in 50/50 I don’t feel like c.s should been a thing. This might be a good compromise but kids should get pick where they live and court don’t take their options in until 12 to 14 in most state this doesn’t mean they get say where they r going live this just mean judge still pick who he think better parent that might not be who child picked :woman_shrugging: I would get this all in text messages this way if go court u didn’t give ur child up u just let dad have equal time w her

No she needs to learn that despite the struggles you love her enough to fight for her

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Why not talk to him about one week on one week off ? Kids like adults alwyas think the grass is greener… but she may realize she misses her mama ! Everyday wont be rainbows and sunshine there and she will see that.

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What does dad and new wife say, honestly as a mom I would be devastated, but will also consider if my child would be better with my ex, not just financially speaking and if she’ll be ok in every aspect I’d let her be with her dad, doesn’t mean I’ll disconnect from her :woman_shrugging:t2:

Maybe offer 50/50 time with you as residential. A little girl needs her mom. Unless you are struggling with your mental health severely or addiction or something like that. Keep in mind if he gets residential you’re going to have to pay him support. I don’t know if it would be easy to get it back either if you wanted to have her for more time. Maybe offer her a little bit extra days here and there. And ask her what things that you guys could do that is within your means that would make her time with you special. Maybe a bubble machine in the yard and run around catching bubbles together. Maybe catch fireflies in a jar at night. They have body paint you guys could wear bathing suits and paint each other with body paint in the yard and then run through the sprinkler and get it off. There are so many fun things that kids will value more than stuff. I was very fortunate to have two loving grandmothers growing up. Two full sets of grandparents actually. My one grandmother was always and, is still spending more money on us buying us things taking us places even. But she had a more Stern and structured way about her. Where’s my other grandmother couldn’t afford to take as many places or bias as much but she told a stories and did art with us and played imagination. And given the choice we would want to spend time with the one who actually played with us. Even if your emotionally and a difficult place or exhausted try to set aside special time every day to do this even if you have to make a conscious effort of it. Do something really silly really fun that would be something she wouldn’t do over at her dad’s and something that’s a little bit crazy and fun and ridiculous

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The answer is no she is too young to make that decision children do not know what’s best for them that’s why they have parents

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Put your feelings aside and think about her in the future, what is going to give her the strongest start.

I admire you for considering this option. Although I do not think a 5yr old should make the decision is speaks volumes that you listened to her request and understand valid reasons behind it. Maybe living with her dad will give you an opportunity to catch up and eventually have her back with you full time. Whatever you decide, get in writing and still allow your child overnights with you. 50/50 custody may be best, I just hope the dad doesn’t shut you out or make you look bad in anyway. At the end of the day, trust your decisions. She doesn’t need to necessarily live full time with her dad, maybe just offer them more time. I know first hand how hard being a single mom is. Looking out for the child’s best interest is #1!

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If it’s a safe place for her to live, then yes let her go. Let her live there with a set schedule of when she will comes stay at your house. Like the weekends. And let her know that she can come back to your house whenever she wants to.

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There are so many factors to consider. She is 5, not mature enough to decide where she wants to live. I’m sure she misses her Dad and enjoys all he can give her, but she needs BOTH parents! I wouldn’t allow more than 50/50. When you have her you provide everything and when dad has her he provides everything. No child support needed. Split schooling, medical, and dental. Are the rules in both households consistent? If you can provide the essentials for her then you’re doing your job as a mother!

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For all the “absolutely not” comments.

Why?

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Unless you’re a danger to her or yourself-

Go 50/50. Start slow. Offer a few extra days and slowly integrate. She’s young, she needs her mom just as much as she needs her dad.

Do not short yourself on your abilities to provide. We all fall on hard times, especially when the need to start over arises. You’re “stuck” now but it won’t always be like this. Something amazing will come into play, you just have to work for it. Things will ALWAYS find a way if it’s ment to be.

Being a single parent is HARD. Realistically, who has the time or ability to ALWAYS to do the fun, extra, stuff. It makes the times you DO special activities even more memorable.

Really weigh the pros and cons. Talk to her dad about it. How’s you’re relationship with his wife? Co parenting is a hell of a pain. Once you can manage and navigate past the issues, it can be one of the most special relationships in your life.

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Sweetie all parents struggle iam still with my girls father and he makes about 130,000 a year and guess what doll we struggle paycheck to paycheck the price to live has tripled the past 2 years and it’s only going to get worse and I believe in teaching our kids that life isn’t easy and you will have struggles and you will have triumphant times it’s about how you handle thise times nothing comes easy period and my girls are very loved and spoiled when it’s available but they also understand that we can’t always have what we want at the time we may have to save to get that for a couple weeks but just letting her go with her dad because he has a pool and shopping and all the materialistic things she wants isn’t teaching her anything but entitlement now I would maybe try to talk to dad and work it out to where she is getting equal time with you both but I am going to have to say a ha4d no at this point as long as you can feed her and provide the necessities is all that matters all that materialistic crap is just that crap

No, the grass is always greener on the other side. 5 is far to young to know what she needs. Plus if anything, she needs her mother. Spend quality time with her, plan outings every other week. She will appreciate and remember that time.

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I couldn’t. Get yourself tog and be the best you can be. You don’t have to take her shopping all the time. Take her on adventures…parks…hiking…beach. You’re already mourning your relationship…how would you feel ultimately sending her w dad?

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She wants to go because of all the stuff they have. It’s material.
She is 5 if you have custody visitation or split custody is the way it should stay.

At five years old, she probably just wants to be at her dad‘s house because it’s more fun (pool)She has no idea the struggles that you’re going through so it’s not possible she’s comprehending that Dad provides more or can provide more. If she’s being fed etc. and you’re able to take care of her I don’t see why she should have to go live with her dad. Maybe let her just go over there more.

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I’d say if there’s no health/safety reason for her to go, there is no need. If it’s already shared custody & she already spends good quality time, then it’s a WANT not NEED reason she’s trying to go. Which I get, I went through it myself as a child of divorce. My mum could afford all the fun things like a bigger house, computer & internet, hot tub & big yard, a boat, nice cars, etc. so I’d tell my dad I wanna live with her, and did for a few years. But it was :100: outta a selfish want to have all the finer things. My father could provide the basics & loved my sisters and I, but I wanted name brand clothes & the extras :crazy_face: My father was a more functional, healthy, emotionally supportive parent than my mum tho in the grand scheme of things, & I ended moving back with him for the entirety of High School until I graduated & moved out :two_hearts:

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I completely understand how you feel. I’ve had thoughts like that and jealousy over others? What they give their kids? But my kids stayed with me? No matter! Poor? Living with roommates? I’ve shared a room with my kids more than once? You’re her mother! Do not let her go? She can have her fun times with Dad and all of that? But she comes home to you!

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She’s only 5. Maybe let her go n visit them more often??

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Quality time does not cost much at all. Start focusing on doing things with her like little hikes, park plays maybe go to every park in your area in the one day and make sure you play on every piece of play equipment with her then at the end of the day talk about what your favourite part at each park was, pack snacks and a picnic lunch to have along the way, go swimming at your local pool, Colour in with her, do arts and crafts, let her choose a hair style on you tube for you to try on her, watch a movie and set the lounge up with a fort for you both to watch it in, paint each other’s nails, have a mini spa day with pedicures and manicures. Let her help cook dinner or bake together.
All of these things will help your bond grow stronger and more importantly show your daughter that although you struggle she is number one in your life and it will also help you get over the loss of your relationship. We all struggle at times :revolving_hearts:

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No I wouldn’t. Sounds like dad is making her entitled. She isn’t wanting to live with her dad. She’s wanting all the extras &, entitlement his money provides her. Apply for a review of his income. Shoe pictures of extravagant gifts he’s given her, pictures of his home, posts showing he can afford more etc. Get enough from him so you’re not struggling to provide the neccesities. Assure her that you love her & that giving her more doesn’t equal love. That will serve her well in the future when boyfriends come into the picture.

You always do what’s best for HER. Talk with her dad and step mom and make this a joint venture. Your daughter will love you more than you will ever know

Maybe split the time 50/50?

No. They’re buying her love.

Kids always want to go where there is more fun and less rules. No matter who it is. In the end Fun won’t make up for you not being there. Spend more one on one time together going to the park playing tag, reading, exploring new places, Picnic at the parks ect.

No, no Nothing like a mother.

No , explain she can visit often but her home is with you .

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Why on earth woukd you even be considering this, she us your child, you carried her inside your womb, you are her muma why woukd u want to give her away, try sorting ur shit out before you abandon her poor little mite xx