Coming from someone who has been involved with the family court system for over 5 years, with my own custody battle and working for the court, id make him file for visits. Your daughter is getting to an age where shes going to remember who he is and could potentially be let down by his history of not following through.
If he truly wants to be a part of her life, he’ll file and y’all can agree to something in mediation.
Having something in writing also protects you in the event he decides to not bring her back. Not saying he’d ever do that, but it happens more than you think abd you’ll have the order to fall back on in a legal aspect.
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Make him file. If it matters to him that much then he will do it. If not, then he probably doesn’t plan to stick around. I went through this, please please don’t just open her heart to someone who will more than likely rip it out when he leaves.
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I agree with these other ladies, go through the courts, start out with supervised visits through a company and ask for child support. If he’s willing to go through all that, you know he’s serious. If not, you’ve spared your daughter a lot of heartache 
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Keep records of any time he contacts you. This can be as simple as writing it in a calendar, or keeping text messages. If he decides to try to take you to court, good records are a must.
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If the man is abusive to you then no, i would not bring him into my child’s life. He had a chance to be there and in my experience, “men” like him only show up typically when a new woman theyre seeing is involved and they don’t wanna look like a dead beat. If she wants to seek him out when she is older then I would provide that info, but I would not put my child in harms way. I would also consider seeking a protective order against him for yourself as well as your daughter
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I met my biological father when I was 15. It bothered me for years that he didn’t want me. My mom had very good reasons to cut ties and she tried to get together to see the kids several times and he never showed up. He never paid child support. He never loved us. But he was part of who I am and I needed to see for myself before I could let it go. My step dad became my father and still is. I have minimal contact with biodad and I’m honestly okay with that now. I used to resent my mom a little bit about not seeing him but I don’t anymore. I have kids now. I get it.i would like to hope I’d have been strong enough to make the same decision in her situation. So I guess I’m saying maybe allow supervised visits and test the waters. She does have a right to know and she will wonder about this part of her forever.
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There is no “right” or “wrong” answer because no situation is exactly the same… having said that…trust your gut. Your main job as a parent is to keep your child safe, mentally and physically. If you decide to try reintroducing them, do it while she’s too young to really remember if he screws it all up again. Every once in a while people will surprise you and change, so maybe he really wants to try. Although he was a bad boyfriend, maybe he’ll be a good Dad. If not, at least you won’t have doubts later and you can explain to her that you tried (when she’s older). She will ask. Be honest and just do your best, take your time… baby steps. Good luck!
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I could bring him to court, get his name off the birth certificate if he doesnt contribute. It takes two to concieve a child and if he is going to be in and out, it isnt healthy for your family or your child.
Sounds like a Narc. I am going through the same situation 3 years absent from her life then boom pops up with another kid and new gf wanting to be a dad. We went through court so my daughter and I are protected. They have had reintroduction visits but my daughter doesn’t seem to care much for him
I would go through the system so things are documented and prepare yourself. Personally I don’t like hearing stories that children think the new guy is the father and biological dad is more “convenient” when not in the picture. She has the right to know her father and you make sure it is safe and constant schedule! That’s why I encourage it being done through the courts.
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I coming from an absent father situation as a child with a father whom I witnessed him being physically abusive to my mom, I would say if there is no law telling you have to let her be involved with him don’t start it. In fact if you can take measures to stop it. Im now 57 had contact with my father as an adult and he always had excuses as to why he did what he did. As the adult in our relationship I left it up to him to make a relationship with me his only daughter. He failed, always treated his step daughters as his and when he became seriously ill over 2 years ago once again I wasn’t included. When he passed I didn’t go to support any of them. In over 45 yrs was only able to meet one of 6 steps. Just my opinion but lead with your gut for your baby.
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My daughters dad tried to be in and out of her life. He chose to lie to her or had many excuses when she was little. I ended up just going to court and getting full custody and now working on full rights. He still lies to people saying I keep her away from him. Even though when the judge ordered him to call her 3xs a week and video chat 2xs a week. He only called her one time.
She is 7 now. And i have asked her if she wanted to see her dad or even talk to him. She said no she doesnt know him. So i kept it as that.
No… Failure to show in the past will repeat itself. And hurt your daughter. Until he can keep a constant contact for a long time I wouldn’t allow it. You then need to establish strict rules if he can maintain contact and stability in his own life reconsider a year from now.
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This is sad I had daughter who never got to meet her father because he simply didn’t care walk out didn’t look back my daughter passed away five months ago she never got to meet him she really didn’t want to so he miss out on a wonderful daughter plus granddaughter n grandson who looks just like him n especially his great great granddaughter his lost
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Went thru this w my ex. We talked regularly w him checking on our son for a bit without any interaction w him personally. Once he did that consistently, we progressed to him coming over to our house and hanging out for a couple hrs w adults that our son was comfortable w. Then we did weekly things that way at our home and gave them more and more space as time went on. Because there were safety concerns/drug issues in the past we kept it that way. He can take me to court if he wants more but until then we keep supervised visits. Grandparents on Dad’s side are great and have always been involved so they take him often and dad can see him there as well bc we trust they will put child safety first.
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Contact whatever family court system you have. Get visitation spelled out as to what he can do. Even if he was abusive to you, as long as he didn’t abuse the child the court will still side with visitation. Chances are with mediation involved, he will "forget ". As for confusion, keep it very simple. Details are not needed with a 5 year old. Tell her some kids have 2 daddys. Let it go at that.
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Let her see him again and if he chooses to walk out again there’s a chance he will hurt her but, at least she knows what kind of person he is instead of her resenting you for not letting her see him.
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As a child who did not meet his biological father until age 20 I can share my thoughts atleast. My mother made me wait until I was over 18 so that I may meet him adult to adult or man to man. As a child I did not understand this and it was tough but looking back im glad I was forced to wait. I was mature enough to understand my emotions and handle them. Every situation is obviously different but I hope this helped.
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If you say no you also run the risk of your daughter finding out later and being upset with you for stopping it. My daughter is 13. I was in the same situation with her dad. I never denied a visit when he asked. Always left the door open. Hed come and go sometimes, it wasnt easy but I always told my daughter the truth. I always told her this Sometimes people are like this and its up to you to decide whether you want to accept them or not. Shes always known that her dad and i dont get along. But we both love her in our own ways. Like I said shes 13 and is a well rounded child who still sees her dad now on her own terms. He reaches out and its up to her.
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My oldest is 2 and i told his dad from the beginning either ur part of his life or your not, because im not putting my kid through having a sometimes dad. Havent heard from him since and if he were to get ahold of me to want to get to know him i would tell him to take me to court over it or wait till my son is old enough to make that decision. My husband is the only dad my oldest has known and im the same way on not wanting to confuse my child on that. All you can do is do what you feel is right when it comes to your child.
I met my Bio dad at the ripe age of 21 and it was not spoken about by mum and I found out i had 5 younger siblings 4 sisters and a brother
I love them all to bits and would do anything for them but my only change would be knowing them growing up i wish we were closer and shared a bigger bond i feel like a outsider at times but i know they accept me and my family into the clan
Let him see her and if he keeps letting her down thats when you take action and get the courts involved if he wishes to proceed he has to play by the rules your rules if not he won’t see her she will make up her mind later in life but dont let her miss an opportunity to
See her dad as she may take it out on you later too
Good luck and
Hope he comes to the party 
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Is he on the birth certificate? If not and there is no current court order, I’d leave it alone. Just be cautious. He can always file to establish paternity, put himself on child support, and get a court order/visitation schedule for him to see her. You wouldn’t have a choice in the matter at all. And he may use his messages of reaching out to you as evidence. We just went through this but on the other foot. My husband was finally allowed to see his son after 3 years (because his ex filed for child support after keeping their son away from him and letting her boyfriend raise their child). Paternity was established and he now has visitation. The confusion for my bonus son in the beginning was incredible! He knew one man as dad for his whole life and suddenly, a new man (his real dad) was thrusted into his life. If he goes through the courts, it would get messy FAST. Especially for your daughter 
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I wouldn’t do it to be honest because it is going to mess with her head especially if he disappears again. If he wants to see her he should pursue it legally. You can’t just abandon your child for that long and come back like it never happened.
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He walked out for 3 years without contact. He can stay out till she is 16 years old and can decide for herself what she wants.
You can’t just decide when you want to be a parent.
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Girl I went through the same thing with my kids. My son is 16 and his dad decided now he wanted to come into his life. I left it up to my son but he was old enough to understand. I always felt that if he came into his life he would be very confused, and that he would be upset, and his grades would go down. My advice don’t do it girl till she’s older maybe tell her about her dad and later she can make her own choice.
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Honestly, I feel as though it was the responsibility of both of you when your daughter was born. What he wants to do is up to him. Your daughter is safe and well taken care of and apart of her own life her own family. I would leave it up to bio dad if he wants to come and visit but I wouldn’t make special arrangements kind of thing. For my son, he doesn’t know his bio dad at all and after many years the bio dad decided he wanted to release his rights to our son and my husband is adopting him but that was decided by him that being with us full time is in his best interest (our son) and we are leaving it open that the bio dad at any time can come back into his life. We have not spoken poorly in his behalf we just went about our life and extended our family over the years and my ex went about his life and everyone is happy and fine without payments, courts or bs. We decided together that this is what we both wanted and we have been able to both completely move on as well as our son with no issues.
If he really wants to see her let him do it through the courts and tell him that. I bet you a buck he wont bother any futher.
End of the day regardless of the choice you make it could be resented either way depending what does or doesnt happen noone can tell you the future all you can do is what you think is right for today.
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I am exactly the same boat honestly… he was into drugs and abusive towards me and my daughter and I left on her first birthday… she is 6 and he just got in contact for the first time in 3 years and she no longer knows he exists… he swears he is sober and whatnot but honestly he scares the heck out of me… I am so sorry you are facing this honestly there is no easy answer
Every child deserves the right to know parents and every child deserves to make that choice on their own
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I’d make it absolutely clear to him that there is no option of being in and out of her life. If he can’t be consistent, I say don’t even put her through it. If you can trust that he will, then absolutely.
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If he wants to see her he needs to put in effort not just say hey im ready to be a dad now if hes serious he will put in every effort he can
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It’s a tricky situation when your ex is flaky. My ex and I split when our daughter was 2. He was pretty absent until she was 4 or so. Then if he did get her he left her with his sister. Fast forward a few years, he gets married and starts leaving her with his wife and stepdaughter. (He is self-employed and works practically non-stop). Her relationship with all of them is rocky. When she is there, they tease her non-stop and make fun of me and her stepdad. Her stepmom was spreading rumors about her to his family. My daughter is 13 now and refuses to go over there. Her self-esteem is so damaged that I have her in therapy. She endured years of emotional turmoil. My best advice is just to be careful. Do what is best for your daughter. You know your ex best. And I agree with others…if you do let him back in, go through the courts.
My bio father was never around either and he was always drunk. I never had a step father either so my grandpa was my dad. I was 6 or 7 when I met my dad. I’m glad my mother did. He is a worthless sperm donor. I got to make my decision on him thanks to my mother. In your situation it seems like she’s happy and content. I’d wait til she’s older cause he up and goes mia again. It might be upsetting. She has a daddy right now (your current) I’d give it a couple years so she has a better understanding.
I’d do it a few times somewhere in a public place! See how your daughter reacts with him first. Be careful for her safety!!!
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Its gonna hurt your daughter more if she gets to know him and then he disappears again. If you think he’s actually gonna stay in her life then go for it but if you think he’s just gonna meet her a few times and then disappear again then don’t do it! This is what my sons father did to him and it made him feel like he wasn’t good enough for his fathers attention. Especially since his father has other children that he does see and take care of. He’s 11 now and he sees my fiance as his dad and I will never let his real father do that shit to him again!!
I would let him know to make the decision to go through court if he’d like to see her and you’d like to keep things legal. Whether he does it or not, I’d then start telling and explaining to my child the situation. That way, it’s not a total shock. If he does file, I would push for supervised visits with you first (IF POSSIBLE) so the child would/could become comfortable. The court should absolutely understand that she’d be uncomfortable with an almost stranger. If not, have her express that to the court herself… She is old enough. Definitely a difficult situation, but no matter what, every child deserves to know their biological parents. And as she gets older, she may see him for who he really is and want nothing to do with him. 
Much, much luck! 
Only advice I can give you is to go with your gut. When I left my sons father (he was 18 months) he filed for custody. I moved across the country. After a long drawn out process, the only thing court ordered was phone calls every night. He’s 5 now. For the last 2 years it’s been nothing but on and off calls that usually last no more than 5 minutes. If my son tries to call his dad, he doesn’t pick up. It’s been a roller coaster to say the least with my sons emotions and behavior.
Everyone’s situation is different. You do what you feel is best for your child, and don’t let anyone tell you you’re in the wrong for doing what’s best.
Yeah, no
Not good for her. You can protect her from his disappointments and maintain your family. Until he can afford to take you to court, and help out. Zero.
I was in an abusive relationship and my ex went to jail when my daughter was 18 months… he left me alone when he was released… I wanted to legally change her name when she was starting school and he contested and wanted visitation! Of course I was against it but in the eyes of the courts he did not abuse her and won… he was a decent Dad… my daughter is now 34 and has developed a relationship with his entire family, she has cousins, aunts and uncles, a half sister and step sister which she spends time with (they even include me!)… I’m happy she has more people in her life to love and care for her
Let him stay where he is at FOR THE SAFETY OF YOUR DAUGHTER. Safety always comes first. Don’t allow his mental games of guilt trip to effect you. He had his opportunity and “forgot”. He’s grown thats not your job to remind him. And mostly, DO NO ALLOW HIM TO KEEP COMING IN AND OUT OF HER LIFE ON HIS TERMS. This can cause her to have attention seeking behaviors at school, home etc. She will seek attention from him and he won’t be there. I experienced this first hand. If the behaviors occur at school its gonna be even worst. They gonna try and label her, run all kinds of test and even medication. Not understanding she just misses her dad and nothing is wrong with her. I wish you the best of luck in your situation & I will be praying for you.
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I would personally give him a chance. I wouldn’t introduce him as dad right away, start small with FaceTime calls, phone calls, something like that and set rules for him to be consistent. If he can show you that he can be consistent and a good roll model then you can move on from there. I think if your child is older and starts asking bigger questions you don’t want her to feel like you were the reason they didn’t.
My daughters bio dad was mia for 4.5 years — recently started seeing her & she has gotten to meet her brothers. She’s happy. Still doing supervised visits but he seems to have grown from the guy I once dealt with. Her happiness & safety is my top priority. She is 7. My husband is who she claims as her dad. She refers to her bio dad by his name & will until she decides otherwise. She absolutely loves her brothers, especially her little one. Both of his boys have stayed the night at our house on numerous occasions.
Hard no!! My daughter’s father tried this exact same thing. He just wanted to be nosy about me. Tell him to file in courts for visitation. If he was abusive to you, eventually he will be abusive to her. Don’t let him back in.
Normally I would be for a child seeing their father but in this case I don’t think it would benefit anyone because if he flakes again she’s gonna be so confused. When she’s a bit older maybe think about it again but let her be a loved lil princess in the environment she has right now
If he is genuine he will start to pay for the upkeep of his child. Yes she has a new dad and this would not be about the money at all for you, but an indication that yes i want a relationship with my daughter no matter what it takes. You will soon discern wether or not he is for reals and if not, well your job is to do the best by your daughter. My children were never told they couldnt see their dad but when he hurt them emotionally i had to put a stop to it and then allowed them once they were older to decide if they wanted to see him.
TBH I would go through the courts and see if he’s serious enough but personally through experience I wouldn’t give my ex the time of day. I was an extremely abusive relationship with my ex to the point they had to call the cops on him while I was labor. I went through so much trauma bc of it and I’m not about to bring my child into that. My bf has been with us since she was 4 months old and now she’s 4 calling him daddy.
Just because it’s a choice that she may end up resenting you for, doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice. What’s more important, saving face with everyone involved or following your gut and doing what is healthiest for your daughter regardless of her future opinion. It sounds like you already know what you feel is best. Don’t doubt yourself. This is SUCH a hard situation. There are pros and cons to both sides. You need to decide which pros are your priority and go from there. You got this 
You should answer him and explain that because there has been no contact on his part (however long he hasn’t seen or asked about her) that you feel it’s best to set something up through the courts and as soon as he wants to do that you can all set up a plan that works for everyone. Keep your texts between you as evidence and go and file for custody or get in place what ever you have to get in place just in case he actually tries. I’d also suggest getting a lawyer just to make sure your child’s best interest is taken into consideration. Also if you have any proof of his abusive behaviors from when you were together that might help the court make a better parenting plan.
Go though courts, she at least needs to know who he is. Even if she don’t want nothing to do with him , it can save on problems later on down the line. She could get angry and think you dident let her see him and know him even though thats not the truth. She will know who has been there and who has not. Its really hard on you i know and you don’t want her hurt either. My boys know who their dad is and has met him but they don’t want him arould.
Your story sounds similar to mine, i choose my child and his emotional well being, a child won’t understand rejection or him coming and going like a visitor, you will have to deal with those repurcussions, his feelings are insignificant, somebody has to be the parent and you stepped up abd created a stable life for your child. Due to his absence and previous abuse, he can apply for supervised visits if he desires
Reply back to him and tell him to set visitation up at the child support office. If he actually does that, then maybe he has grown up enough to be in tour daughters life.
Definitely go through a lawyer or at least a court mediator to arrange supervised visits tied to support.
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I think you should tell him that as for now you will not allow him to see her as she is young and impressionable and that you dont trust him. And That she has a man she calls dad, if in the future when your daughter is older and he is still interested in seeing her then he should contact you then, that does not mean contact you every week/month/year until you give in. It means wait a minimum of 5yrs to contact you again
Sorry but if i were in your shoes… i would not allow her to see him unless/or until he goes the legal avenue to gain visitation. If he cant or will not do that, then he is not serious about being in her life and needs to stay where he has been for the last 3 years. Its not worth the confusion, turmoil and pain it will cause her for him to pop in now that he suddenly feels like it… especially if he is just going to up and disappear for another 3 (or more) years again, when he no longer feels obligated to be in her life.
No… if she is that important to him, then he can remember to go to court. I would reply, wouldn’t acknowledge and future messages need not to be opened. Until you’re served with papers to go back to mediation/court. I wouldn’t give him any thought. Sounds like your daughter wouldn’t want to anyways. And when you go to court, bring up his only reaching out once every 3 years and if you do allow him to visit her, demand it be supervised by a professional at his expense. That way it is all documented by them. So when he “forgets” again, its documented by a professional.
Best of luck to you. And mad points for not the step dad but the dad that stepped up
Only you can decide for yourself for sure but I’m speaking from experience when I say that if abuse was ever involved do not chance it now… In my own situation my two youngest children do not have anyone but me on their birth certificate and it was an extremely hard decision and continues to be something hard each day for me but I do not regret it.
My ex signed his rights away when my daughter was 2. She is now 9 and has a loving step father. I let my ex visit her when she was 5 and he left without a word and it killed her. Now if he ask I tell him when she is old enough she can look for you. So if there isn’t a court order or visitation set I’d leave it alone.
If he wants to see her and be in her life bad enough he will take you to court. I wouldn’t be making that decision. Let him figure it out.
I would say yes as long as it’s supervised visits at first with you there or his sister. Then he can file for visitation through the courts if he wants it to continue.
I would file with the state and I would request that he shouldn’t just be able to take her she doesn’t know him. Maybe have outings with you around until she gets to know him and is comfortable around him.
If he’s serious he can go through the court. You’ve done your due diligence as a mother and a parent. Please make him go through the proper channels. Here in Columbus, Ohio we just had a father shoot and kill his two beautiful daughters because he wanted to hurt the mother. His connection is with you, he doesn’t have one with her. He wants your time and attention. If not, he would go through the proper channels. I’ve been through this same scenario with my two children for 4 years. I am also married and they also see him (my husband) as their father. They’re happy and stable. I’ve filed for full custody after this last let down and go to court in February. Please please listen to your motherly instincts mom, you know what’s best. You aren’t bitter or spiteful, you’ve clearly moved on so if you decide to not answer that is well within reasonable and your right.
Do it in public, set a specific time and place and from there the ball is in his court…if he decides to disapper again and then turn to blame you…you can easily say you did what you said you were going to do and that’s on him for not following through
Make him show how committed he is by going through the process of filing for visitation. If he sticks to that process. At least you know he is committed to trying.
I would talk to her. Let her know she has a father. And also let her know that you never kept her away from him no matter what. Let it be her choice if she wants to meet him.
I won’t go through my whole situation with my 12 year old daughter but he chose not to show up, he has made his choice and not saying that your ex should necessarily never see your daughter again, but go through the courts. Because it has been so long, he should only get supervised visits as he us now a stranger. My daughter has never seen her dad or met him, he was abusive towards me and I left after 8 years because I got pregnant… I personally paid for his supervised visits and he never showed up. My daughter now asks about her father and because he has made tons of bad decisions he is in prison but I told her when she turns 18, I will help her find him. I don’t speak foul of him, I say he made poor Choices and is in prison. I don’t tell her what for because even at 12 she doesn’t need to know. But that is her Choice when she is an adult, so I will support her.
But DO EVERYTHING through the courts, please. And, put it on him to file. I wish you the best, you are mommy and you do know what is best for your daughter. I wish you the best love
That would be a hard thing to answer. He just probably wants to make trouble. Maybe you two should talk before he sees her. It could really mess up her thinking. A child could get so hurt and not except it. Does he pay child support. Ever give her anything ? Shown and live for her at all? Answer those questions and you will have your answer.
I would definitely nab him for support. If feasible, you can always go to court to voice your concerns, but I wouldn’t confuse her with the details.
I don’t know much about this topic, but can a social worker get involved for a supervised visit or something? I definitely wouldn’t let her go alone.
Sounds like you have a good thing going right now… why interrupt that just because he wants to play daddy now?!
Agree with above let him set up visitations legally…doubt he would go that far…it will be better in the long run for your daughter and you…
Ask his sister. Perhaps he can meet and see how it goes not telling her he is the bio dad. Call him Uncle for now. He needs to prove he can earn the title as father. U might also need a lawyer to legally ha due this.
I would not allow let him go through the courts if you have full custody for visitation rights
I did this I let my ex come back in after 6 years of being Mia just for him to walk back in like he’s always been there for them filled my kids heads up with bullshit and now my kids hate me and will hardly talk to me. I’m not saying this to tell you not to do it I’m telling you your daughter is old enough to understand and if decided to do the same to her he could. I never thought in a million years that my boys would turn on as much I have be up front and honest with them when it came to their father I just thought they would have seen how badly I struggled being a single mom and still provide everything they wanted without him idk just be careful and pay attention because I didn’t and I’ve lost my boys.
Do not answer him. If he wants to make an effort he can put himself on child support and file for visitation.
Ask a professional child advocate.
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My opinion, let him see her, let her form her own opinions on her father.
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You could make sure they are supervised visits to ensure her safety. He might press the lssue otherwise. Plus one day when older she might see him in secret and think your the enemy. Get legal advice
Feel free to inbox me i went through this last year 
Nope because that healing on the child is a forever threat to them in their rest of the life… not a good feeling to be broken because of a BIOLOGICAL PARENT JYST NOT FAIR. To Heal a child is hard and most don’t over come it .
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See a good (no excellent) lawyer.
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Def not if he’s done it once he will do it again let her make her own mind up when she’s older xxxx
He made his choice. Don’t reply, block him. Don’t make that little girl go through that disappointment at such a young age. When she gets older would be the right time around 12-13. Not now. He laid his bed & now he has to deal with it.
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Cant get his name off once declared. Know what advice you are giving
No !! Wait until she is older and can decide for herself !
Don’t answer if he really wants contact he can take you to court she dosen’t even know him
If you keep her away you will regret it in the future!!!
Should sit down and talk to her let her make the decision
I would check you legal rights on this.
Sounds like he is up to no good
Tell him if he wants to see his kid go talk to child support first straight up. 
Yeah your daughter does have a right to know who her dad is
You need to go after him for support not for your self but for your daughter because she deserves it. Fuck all that talk your talking literally going through the same thing right now. Put your big girl pants on and do it. Because if he really wants to see her he will do it.
No. If he hasn’t been a constant since day 1 then he doesn’t need to play the dad card now. Men like him only try to pull this bs when their is a new female in the picture. He can go through the court if he wants to see her. Bet he won’t bother you anymore.
Tell him the courts will handle it
I know this is not the same situation but I was in the foster care system until I was adopted in the fourth grade. My first foster family cut off all contact with my father without telling me. No calls, no letters, nothing. It caused a lot of trauma wondering why he no longer wanted to talk to me and if he loved me. It wasn’t until years later that I realized he had been trying to and that they wouldn’t let him. After I left that family I finally got to talk to him and see him again. We were very close until he passed away when I was 12. I am really grateful that we were able to build a relationship because now he is gone. My foster family thought that what they were doing was that best for me and that it would protect me but instead it ended up causing a lot of hurt and a lot of trauma. I lost out on time that I capsule have spent with him because of someone else’s choice. It’s a tough place to be in though and I hope you find the solution that works best for you and your daughter.
I would say no. She can get to know him, if she wants to, when she is older. If he disappeared for three years abd has zero history of helping in any way, that is abandonment and hopefully no court will disrupt a child’s healthy life to spare the feelings of an adult who chose to leave.
Id be prepared to get a good lawyer, though. I was in a similar situation. Unfortunately for him, he was told he could not contact myself or my daughter again, and he had to pay $32k in back child support (since he had never paid before) and also had to pay child support until she graduated college. All I asked the court for was supervised visitations for him. 
Does dad have right to her? This can play a big part because if he really wants to see her he can just go to court. So I would say that if he has rights to go talk to a lawyer about going to custody court. If that is the way you go i would get full custody with him being allowed supervised visits until he can prove no harm or brainwashing will come of his visits. Then with the courts help slowly work on letting them do stuff a little more unsupervised if things go good in the first step. I have been threw custody court before and know that they will set up a plan that goes out a couple of years or so that you can go threw and revise with court hearing if needed. You can also get a mediator to help set up the custody plan if needed. Also if you do let dad into her life again in anyway make sure he understands that your new spouse is her dad as far as she knows and that she no longer had any memory of him. That things are going to take time and make sure he understands the rules and boundaries. As from what i read rules and boundaries will be needed. I wish you the best of luck
You have tried to set it up for him to see her…and that’s on paper thru the courts (visitation) and HE failed to do so, so that’s not looking good for him
I would wait until she’s older. She had a happy stable healthy dad in her life and that’s what she needs at this time. She’s now at the age where she would understand what it means when you have to explain to her that he abandoned her…so he is the one who missed that window (birth-3 yrs) where he could have taken responsibility at any time and it wouldn’t have such a profound effect on her emotional and mental health.
Wait until she’s older now. Like teenage years where she can fully grasp reasons why he is a piece of shit and make her own decisions on wether or not to have him in her life.
I don’t think he should have to go through courts if he hasn’t ever done anything to harm the child and can be trusted as a dad, he might not have the money to go through court it can cost thousands, your daughter needs to know who her real dad is, I have never fully closed the door on that if u can find out the life style he leads and the person he is now then I’d definitely think about re introducing them, you and your partner can be there to protect her along the way, some people are good dad’s but bad boyfriends, she’s old enough now to understand who her real dad is, and he shouldn’t have to pay to see his child, if he doesn’t pay u maintenance your daughter will realise as she gets older that you have done everything for her
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Go through the system if hes serious.
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No. If you want to meet with him and talk to him that’s one thing, but make sure he is going to stick around and be a positive person in her life before you ever even entertain the idea of re inserting him IN Her life. My daughters father is also not involved and he will never just waltz back in like nothing happened. He will work for any time he thinks he is owed! Our first jobs as parents is to protect our children and make sure that they know what is an appropriate way to treat other and to be treated. Unfortunately that sometimes means keeping them from certain people.
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