It’s a hard one to know what’s best to do but off topic a bit i just want to say thank you for being so nice and letting his sister be part of yours and your Daughter’s life. I have a Niece who will be 9 this year i have ever only met twice (last time when she was 3 
) as my Brother and her Mother didn’t get along. Because of that she has never let my Parents or myself be in her life the sad thing is too she is the only Niece/Nephew i will ever have so got ripped off of the Aunty duty and my 3 kids have missed out on a cousin. It’s nice to hear not all Mums are awful like her and good luck do whats best for you and your Daughter 
He was abusive to you, he hasn’t contributed financially, AND wasn’t willing to work with you and a mediator. Sounds like a narcissist. I’d think twice before letting him back in the picture.
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I would say give him a chance but take it very slowly so as to protect your daughter. For example if he thinks he’s ready to be a part of her life he needs to PROVE he can be consistent and is serious this time. Have scheduled FaceTime sessions on a routine basis and if he can show up for those it would show something on his end as well as let your daughter slowly get to know him vs just dropping her off with a complete stranger. And if he does well with that for a while then progress to supervised visits. But if he can’t even be there for phone time then you know he’s not really serious about being in his kids life. I agree with others the daughter needs to form her own feelings about her dad and overtime will be able to decide if she wants to see him or not as she gets older
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I’m in the same boat as far as I’m not with my daughters father now, she is 13 and he shows up at his own convience. My opinion is its better that they have some time than no time at all. Don’t stand in the way of it and if he screws up, have it be on him when she’s at an appropiate age to kind of “see” what type of person he is. I made excuses for a long time for my daughters dad and she remembers that and honestly was a little upset with me on it. She says she wished I was more open and honest about it and thanked me for not stopping him from seeing her. My line of thinking is he knows where I live and how to get a hold of me, he can see her whenever he wants… within reason as long as she isn’t sick or has an appointment. I also leave it up to her on whether or not she wants to go. If he calls her and says that he wants to see her and she says she doesn’t than I 'll get a hold of him myself and tell him that she doesn’t feel up to going
I gave my ex the option before the baby came. You’re either a full time father or you’re not. You walk out or decide not to be there, you’re not coming back. My kids life isn’t a revolving door to go in and out of. Even if he tried to take you to court now, he’d probably use or get minimal supervised visits because he basically abandoned her. Honestly, you could probably file for his rights to be taken away. Seeing that family beyond him is still involved it shows that you’ve never taken her away, denied access, etc since his sister still sees her. At this point though, I wouldn’t let her just to protect her. I’d rather be the bad guy in 10 years and say I wouldn’t let him come back then watch years of him going in and out of her life and holding her as she cries and asks why he didn’t show up again, why he doesn’t love her, etc.
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Is paternity on your daughter established? Is there a court order? If there is a court order, go to mediation and agree on a step up plan to reintroduce your little girl to her bio dad, usually starting with supervised visits and working up towards at least every other weekend and one evening a week (depending on your state). He fails to meet a step along the way, he falls back to step one. If there’s no court order, let him take you to court to get the same ordered by a judge.
But seriously, let your daughter know him. She deserves it and 5 year olds are more resilient than adults believe.
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I had a friend met his son when his son was 10 and it began as a quick visit as a “family friend”, and then he came over for dinner and left after a bit and then little by little came around more and stuck around a little longer until they became buddies and once the right time came up his son was ready to know who he really was. It was pretty smooth thanks to all involved and it took about a year. It turned out really sad because after my friend suffered a horrible break up and divorce he couldn’t jump back up from it and decided to end his life. It was kind of a good thing his son got to meet his father. Now, although this is a true story, I, in no way know your family dynamics nor your ex. It is a very personal decision and I hope you come up with a great idea. Hugs 
No, follow your hearth , both of you are having a good life why you want to complicated it ? You are concerned for her safety, you know he will bring drama , and who know what else !Maybe when she is older and can manage what’s true and whats not maybe then… I wouldn’t do it.
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I know it’s hard but ask her what she wants to do… Whatever she decides don’t make her feel bad about her either wanting or not wanting to know him… My daughter is 12 and her dad has only seen her when she was 1 years old and now recently decided he wanted to start messaging 1 for 2 months I let her know and she decided her dad was the man who has been there for her not her biological dad. But giving her the opportunity to talk to him is what is best for her.
When i left my ex who while extremely abusive to me he was not abusive to his daughters wanted to visit them i left that decision to them as they were in thier teens. They choose not to see him because they knew what he did to me. I never talked bad about him in any way shape or form. They talk to him on occasion but choose not to see him even now as adults. We all choose to remember the better times. But you have to make that decision on your own. Make him go through the courts if hes serious.
I would ask him to come up with a step up plan of how he is going to reintegrate into her life. Lay down clear ground rules regarding reentry into daughters life (step dad will not be talked badly about, consistancy, and respect for daughters life and schedule), and tell him that if he can create a schedule ( example, seeing kiddo once a week for 4 hours for 2 months, and then working up to the full day for 2 months, and then an overnight…ect ect) then you will believe him that he’s actually interested. If he puts in that amount of work, maybe try, if he blows it off, then you know he isnt serious about your daughter.
I say don’t do it please. If he hasn’t had enough love for her over the last three years he doesn’t suddenly have it now. Let her contact him when she is grown if she wants but not now. Plus you don’t know his whole situation now. I made the wrong choice. The kids regret it now. Your daughter is to previous don’t take a chance. I am begging you. It could really hurt your daughter in ways you haven’t thought of. Go on with the happy family life she has now.
Very similar situation for my kids…but we are ahead a few years. He came back after being mia for 3 years. Saw them 3 times and then didnt see or hear from him for another three years. About 6 months ago he started texting me , adking to see kids…my kids just dont want to. I truely think if he stayed consistent after reappearing or eaited to appear when he was ready things would be diffrent. But the kids kinda forgkt about him like you said, but the second time leaving. They were older and they remember
She is only 5 and their relationship can still grow. He does have the right to be involved. But YOU are home base and she knows that. Let him get involved.
U said he was abusive and that means the chances of him doing it to ur daughter is high. I would keep that in mind and also if u don’t feel comfortable then don’t put ur child that’s means so much to you in that predicament. Good luck to you mama
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When my kids were young , 3 yrs and 5 months , my x , their father, moved from Pa to Fla . He moved back when they were 7 and 3 , they hadnt seen him in 3 yrs. The baby didnt even know him and my daughter had trust issues w him . We did supervised visits in my home once a week for 3 hours w me present for 3 months then the court let him take a day when i was at work. He stuck w it and seemed to have a change of heart. It has been 12 years he now takes my son for 2 or 3 days at a time and my daughter moved in w him when she turned 19. Sure he still causes drama but u never know what will happen . I think should try going to court and seeing what happens
I would think of it as a distant relative. He has decided not to show up for 5 YEARS. He isn’t a father. He abused you who knows if he will do the same to your child. She doesn’t miss him he didn’t miss her. I wouldn’t jump at him seeing her. I would explain what’s going on in her life. School is stressful and she has a lot going on. If he understands and says we can take it slow sure if not and he freaks out block him.
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Absolutely … should not even be a question … A child has 2 parents & does not “belong” to either, but both! You at some point picked him & vice versa - make it work!
I had a rough childhood similar to this due to the fact that my mom and dad couldn’t get along. my advice is to let her meet him and make her own judgements and she will see what kind of person he really is. Take baby steps and work towards visitation.
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As many times as it take…
When daughter get older she can decide for herself if first 12 or 13 times don’t stick
If he really wants to see her. Have him take you to mediation or court. If he chooses not to do that then don’t put more effort in than he does.
I would say see if his sister is ok with being there to supervise the first few visits. To make your daughter comfortable. If he was neglectful or abusive I’d also make custody arraignments through the courts. Unfortunately, I’ve seen too many abusers punish the victims through the children.
Coming from someone who was the child in this position, if he is no risk to his daughter then please let them build a relationship! I can’t tell you how many issues this causes for us growing up. My dad was vile to my mum but was lovely to me. It wasn’t until I got older I realised I did all the chasing to see him and I wasn’t a priority 
I know parents make mistakes so let him try and fix this for the child’s sake 
No parent should stop the other parent seeing their own child unless they are a danger to them.
Did u file for custody of her? If not, he has just as many rights as you do
I’d tell him to set up supervised visitation if he wants to see her. That way you have someone there in case he trys anything and he can’t sit and bad mouth you. Thats if you decide to let him see her
That’s a her situation I’m not sure what I would do but I kind of understand what you’re going through my daughter’s father seen her when she was six and then tried to deny she was even has but it came out she was like I knew it would she is almost 28 now and now he’s just wanting to see her now but his whole family has seen her growing up Grandma his mom which was Grandma took her usually once a month plus my other kids on top of it
Was he abusive to your daughter? If so then no. Others maybe have him prove to you that he will be consistent, like text or call you once a week for a month, before making any sort of physical meeting.
I was debating my opinion, until I got to the abusive part. Usually I’m pretty big on yes. But please no. Hes abusive. No
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No mother should stand in the way unless he steps out of line with the child let him see her small steps
Its tax season lady dont forget that. My mil did the same thing to my fil. Took her son back, my husband, filed tax and benefits then he was out on the streets.
Go to family court to establish visitation so he might start with supervise visit.
Let that girl see her father
Let her see him. He is HER father NOT yours and HER decision and HIS not yours. She will only grow up to seek him out anyway and GUESS who she will BLAME for not having him in her life?? YOU!
I don’t know what it is with these parents who think they can decide IF a child can see their other parent. Do they think they are GOD or something? Unless the appearing formerly absent parent is DANGEROUS a child should be able to see their parent unless THEY SAY they don’t want to.
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Editing to add- IF he has never put his (and your) daughter in harms way and was never abusive to her*
Never be the one standing in the way if her having a relationship with her dad. If he fails to show up and be there then that is on him, if you stand in the way because of “what if’s,” then the blame is on you as well.
My mom NEVER stopped me from seeing my father, even though he was not regularly there. I am very thankful and grateful for that. She allowed me to form my own opinion and feelings on my dad.
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I was in this same situation, my daughter is now 11, she has seen her dad maybe 4 times in her whole life, I have never stopped her bio dad being involved I’ve always made sure he knew where we lived, phone numbers etc, it was down to him to make the contact after he walked away when I was pregnant , he chose to a few times but nothing lasted, I’ve always being very honest with my daughter and never once said a bad word about her bio dad to her, he got in contact with her a few months before Xmas last year, promises her the world, then totally vanishes off the face of the earth again, she now makes up her own mind weather she wants contact or not, you’d be surprised at how resilient and underatanding children are to these situations, do what you think is best for your child, it was best for me to always leave the door open because I refuse to let my daughter resent me for not allowing contact which is why she’s always made her own mind up. X
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In my personal opinion, I would, if in your predicament, take it slow, give him a chance, supervised, and also possibly alert her physician so if she seems “changed” in personality or seems to withdraw it can be addressed quickly and safely for both of you. Best wishes and always follow your gut. 
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If he was abusive to you he will most likely end up abusing her. You explain to her and ask her how she feels. If she says no thanks tell him flat out she said no we will try again soon. I do not think he has the right to come on in whenever feels like it after going off for three years not giving a shit about her. Your daughter deserves better than that. If she says she wants to meet him do not hand her over. Make it supervised. Get him to sign some sort of agreement. Tell him to start supporting her financially as well as that’s the responsibility of a parent. I personally would of flat out said no until an order was put in place so he couldn’t take off with her etc. trust your instincts though. If you don’t feel it’s right then you make that call. Your doing the right thing by thinking it over and trying to do what’s best.
Let him see his child.
You should let him see her
Nope… im all for fathers rights. But he made his choice. He should have shown up to mediation the 2 times he was called for it. He wants right now. Make him go threw the courts.
After 2 years of no contact it’s reckless abandonment in Texas. It’s your choice though
Sounds like a narcassist and take it from me, a narcassist will do anything to create conflict in your life. Ignore any attempt he makes at communication.
Tell him take u to court period the end that man seems like he will mess with her mind
If you feel he is potentially a threat to your daughters physical and mental safety and wellbeing then keep that door closed, if you feel you want contact between your daughter and her father to start up tell him to send her a letter that you will read with her, cards on birthdays and Christmas etc. Ask his sister if she doesn’t mind being the mail person for this, if he can consistently send written communication then maybe move to supervised phone calls. Id also tell him he needs to start providing for his daughter financially either with clothing and footwear, paying for her extra curricular activities or food or even in a monetary amount. Id also make sure he is aware your daughter believes your partner is her dad so she will need to be eased into the news that he isn’t and and initially any letters or cards should be signed with his name, not dad. Try going through mediation again to iron out the details and tell him this is his final chance, if he chooses not to turn up then he has blown it and it’ll be up to your daughter to seek him out when she comes of legal age and hes to stay away until then and be grateful someone else was man enough to raise his daughter right
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So sorry for all of this, especially for how it affects your and your daughter’s life. I do think that at age 5, however, and although young, she’s able to understand (some/not too sensitive) information that you may wish to share with her. It always turns out to be a positive thing to keep negative things that concerns you & him. Often it’s also best to let her at least know her Dad—As she grows older, she’ll never be able to say that you didn’t allow her to see her bio Dad—that’s probably a regret that you’d rather not have. Also as she matures, she’ll know that her Mom was fair, and will make her own decisions and judgment of her Dad’s character based on her own experience. If he messes up, she’ll see the situation and whatever he did or didn’t do as it is/was. Glad his sister is in the picture; that’s a good sign that she’s ‘in your corner’. Hope it all works out 
I’ll tell you 2 relevant stories. I stopped seeing my dad when I was 5 and it was confusing sometimes especially because I had other siblings that DID still see their own dads. I was never really sad about it though just upset when my siblings got 2 Christmas lol. Later I met him again when I was 15 and we got along great. I think he was more responsible in his old age lol and just more ready.
I think it’s good he wasn’t constantly in and out of my life because idk if I would have liked him as much if he kept letting me down, as opposed to just the one major let down; does that make sense? Idk!
Then I had 3 kids with my first husband and he disappeared for 2 years and every once and a while he would ask me to let the kids visit him out of state😂 and I say no every time because they don’t know him. He doesn’t call they have no real relationship. If he wants more time with them he’s going to have to prove stability by visiting and at least calling weekly. It’s not because I’m selfish with my kids either like please take them give me a break😅 but I want my kids to be comfortable and safe.
Also if I could offer friendly advice go ahead and get real custody papers drawn so he can never take her if the opportunity arises. And child support even if you don’t need it or want it just go ahead and save it up for your daughters college fund or something. Just because he pays child support doesn’t give him custody like you can have full custody and him still have to pay. Anyways I know a lot of people choose not to do that.
BONUS STORY: I used to watch my younger brother and sister (who have different dad than me) stare out the window waiting for their dad to not show up. It was the saddest thing I literally cried for them because they were so disappointed. You are not wrong for protecting your daughter from that.
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Unless he is a direct threat to your daughters physical and mental safety. I think you’re right when you say she has the right to know where she comes from.
I’d start out small. Letters, holiday celebration cards etc. Then move up to phone calls on a fortnightly basis. Then video calls on a weekly basis. If he can do all of that consistently, for at least 6 months - a year then maybe he could meet you and your daughter at the park say for example. Set out a timescale and iron it out through mediation (Hopefully this Covid-19 situation will be under control by then) He needs to show you that he’s not going to abandon your daughter again. If he has a problem with that, then that’s his problem.
My older twos dad left for 5 years and now he has a good relationship with them. Even though hes 16 hours away. If hes a good person then i dont see anything wrong with it. But be firm on him being in her life 100% not just when its convenient for him
Personally I would say to him that mediation is the way you would like to do it. He can’t be a dad when it suits him and he needs to make an effort.
I your position I would speak with his sister. Maybe he has changed for the better and is ready to be a good father. However it is more likely he he hasn’t. If his sister is as good of a person as she seems it may help you make the right choice for your daughter and yourself. Good luck this has to be stressful.
Ask her what she wants to do
Babys safety first, truth and love 