My children’s biological father hasn’t been a part of their lives in a few years, I have already started the process of abandonment charges so my spouse can adopt them (something they are both on board with). Should I continue to let members of his family be involved in their lives after the adoption is finalized? There is very little effort to apart of their lives (maybe 1-2 phone calls a year), or should I just remove all contact.
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I wouldn’t. I am adopted and I am very happy I had contact with my biological family. Never met my parents.
how old are the kids?
Personally I would just cut all contact. They only call a couple times a year, that’s not really enough effort to have any impact in your kids lives. If they were allot more involved I’d say maybe try to keep them but I wouldn’t with that. I’d go forward with the adoption and cut anything to do with your ex out entirely
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How old are the kids?
If they are old enough to accept your spouse adopting them, they should be allowed to make that decision as well.
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Cut contact. If your spouse is adopting and you’re cutting legal ties with the father, that should include his family too. Especially if they make little to no effort
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Based on the level of contact, I’d cut it. After me and my ex split I didn’t hear from his family for two years. When I got a random text to wish her happy birthday from so and so aunt I was like “um she doesn’t know who you are, no” it’s been four years. She still doesn’t know who she is. I was right.
Depending on the age of the kids! And maybe his family were told different stories I would ask them the reason why they don’t contact the kids.
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Cut all ties with the ex husbands family.
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It doesn’t sound like they are really involved to begin with so why bother !?
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How often do you contact them? Goes both ways!
I feel like it’s WRONG and you are punishing them for the exs actions!
Just my opinion
If they only have Contact twice a year just stop all contact. It will just be more confusing for the kids. They deserve people in their lives all the times. Not just holidays or special occasions
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If it’s a couple of phone calls a year what’s the harm. So long as it’s not abusive. Kids can decide what they want from it when they are of age.
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I would let his family stay in touch but leave them get in touch and not contact them, the kids will see for themselves and you get to show you didn’t stop contact, were open to them having a relationship and you come out of it looking reasonable and their father won’t b able to tell kids u cut contact as you moved on, kids are more clued on than they are given credit for
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Remove all contact, that’s just not enough effort to even bother.
If their other side of the family are not toxic to them, why remove them. The more love the better. It’s not the family’s fault the Dad’s crap. They deserve to love the children too.
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Don’t remove the contact. Family is scarce to so many people. Your children deserve to have contact with their family as long as it’s good for them , then why not! If they good people.
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I would allow it as long as they are being respectful and loving towards your children. Your Children deserve to have contact with their roots and where they came from.
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Let them contact you
I hope for your children’s sake said father us supporting them Financially regardless if he is in there lives Now good luck
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I am not that close to my dads side of the family, but my mom never cut the connections. She didn’t want to be known as the one that stood between me and them. They were not toxic in any way shape or form. I may not have a lot of memories of them in my childhood, but I do try to stay in connection because it is and will always be my choice to do so.
It depends how they are bounded with your ex family. My kids dad never looked for them to but they still have contact with their grandmother and grandfather (from my ex his side). I chose that option because they always did so much for the childeren. How their dad acts is not the grandmothers fault.
If new husband adopts them then legally the biological grandparents are not the grandparents anymore! That being said if kids are old enough to have a say so then I don’t see what harm 2 calls a year would do. Personally I’d be devestated if I lost contact with a grandchild!
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NEVER take children from their biological family members. If there is no contact, let it come from the adults.
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If the family has been involved, and they have helped you out. And the children love them that would be horrible just to cut them out. Because somebody else wants to adopt them.
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They are your child’s family too
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My Ex divorced the Children and Me. His Family however were ALWAYS very involved. I made a choice to make sure my children remained involved until they were in their preteen years. Once they become old enough to get to their Friends, malls etc. I told them to do same with Grandmother and Aunts. They did and my Ex Family the now grown Children and myself still have a wonderful relationship. Which includes my Husband and our Daughter. It’s possible just put forward the effort.
Unless there is a reason for the family to not have contact with the kids, let them. Regardless of how Biodad treats them, his family is still there family. It doesn’t make their other dad or his family less important. More then merrier I say.
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Please let them stay in touch if they are good loving people.
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I have the same situation my son frequents “ facilities” often. I have a wonderful relationship with my granddaughter 11 she has a wonderful stepfather who has been in her life since she’s 2 1/2. We all get along very well. And Mima and Pop have a wonderful relationship with her and her brother. It’s all good !!
My oldest son is not biologically mine and his mother isn’t in the picture much. We have an amazing relationship with her parents and family though. There is plenty of room in your child’s heart for his biological family and his adopted father’s family. If the bio father’s family loves your children and your children love them then why would you cut them out like that…
The more people there is who love your children is a big blessing…You lose nothing and your child has their blood running through their veins you need to keep the lines of communication open for medical reasons…for example history of physical or mental illnesses
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I had this happen to me As a child. Let the family that wants to be in their life be there. Don’t push them away because of the father. I was also adopted by my Mama’s husband, later in life your children will want to know family, blood or not. Plus medical history is a plus for them when they are older also.
As a child who had a minor relationship with my mother. My father always let me make the decisions on my own. My mother is now not in my life even though she tries now that I’m an adult. Where was the effort as a child? My father never controlled my contact with relatives. A few people I am close to the rest I have nothing to do with. Dont cut them out
No hun let it go just d way it going dont push them they cant say u stop them from cin d kids
If they visited and we’re in contact on a regular basis I’d urge you to keep allowing it, however two phone calls a year, to me, does not seem like much of an effort at all.
Nope. My sons biological fathers family makes no effort so I don’t even bother
If it’s only a couple of phone calls a year it’s not going to make much difference is it? Nothing is going to change …
If there is no toxicity let them stay, more support of family members may be needed when children grow up and want to know about their roots, and wonder why they disappeared
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I am so grateful that my mama never spoke a bad word about my father or family . If they wanted to see me, they could . Because I was a kid, I really was not aware, but as an adult we have reconnected. They are my family and there are many similarities… We tell stories, we laugh, they caught me up on what I missed and we are now in touch. When we first reconnected… It was like wow! Ur like me! I love them all
Once your children are adopted by your now husband - they are no longer their biological fathers children. And hence, his family are no longer their family. And since their efforts to keep family ties with them are so minimal-cut them off completely. It is sad when the biological father and or his family do not make the effort. And i think you have a good man now so your kids will have a father present and willing. Any man can become a father. It takes good man to BE a father.
My husband adopted my daughter, her dad gave up his parental rights even though he still wanted to be a part of her life, he knew this was better for me and her. He’s away and his mom contacts her every now and then but I don’t take that away from her. She’s almost 12 and sees and knows everything and I want her to make the decision about that side of the family from what she knows, not because she felt like I took it from her with no choice. This has worked for us. She loves her dad but knows who her biological father is too. I would pray about it, let go and let God guide you. Good luck
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Yes you absolutely should allow contact, unless they are unsafe or unhealthy for your children. It’s not your child’s fault, nor the extended families fault your ex isn’t involved. Family is important to your child, regardless of the situation with your ex
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Unless you’re like my ex and refuse to allow him to see them (mine has kept our kids from me for two years), then if he’s made the conscious choice to not have contact, you have the right to petition for said adoption. But don’t hold it against his family. If they treat the kids well and love them, they have every right to be a part of their lives, even if their father would rather not.
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I would allow contact. My fathers family wasn’t allowed contact and I wish they would. My uncles all contacted me once I turned 18 I hang seen them for almost 13 years. It’s still odd but we speak as often as we can but my dads sisters don’t talk to me I feel like they some who blame me for my moms decisions.
Yes,Ex In laws should be able to see your Kids…on your Terms though and stay Respectful to your Kids & You too.
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dont make an effort thats not there. dont block them but dont harp too much if they arent involved-thats something they have to live with not you
I wouldn’t block anything. That way the limited contact isn’t “your fault.” When kids become teens, they will try to use things like that against you. My oldest daughter tried that, and I could honestly say that I never stopped her dad from talking to her.
In my opinion. If they have nothing to do with them now why have them in there lives. I would cut all contacts with them. It’s best for you and the kids.
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My mother kept me away from my father, but let his family around me. I am grateful for that. My family loves me and I love them. Don’t push people out of a childs life that love them as long as it’s a healthy relationship.
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You’re issue is with the dad. Not his family. I opened the door for my son’s fathers family. The choose not to use it. My cousin is married to my son’s donors sister. She doesn’t even try and I respect that. My husband wants to adopt as well.
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If they are barely in their lives now then maybe you should just cut off all contact they obviously don’t care to make any effort to see them as much is they should why confuse your kids like that unless the kids Are old enough to make their own decision whether they want to keep contact with them or not then that’s another story
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This is hard & depends on the ages as well. I don’t think it would hurt, but than again they’re ( the family) not trying that hard to actually be in your children’s lives & that could hurt them in the long run if they expect the family to be apart of their lives & they make broken promises or just don’t make an effort to see them in the 1st place can be hard on a kid. It was for me, my dad was not in my life , my stepdad was, I remember every once in awhile my father gave me broken promises “ like I’m coming to take you to Kings Island” and never showed up or his mom , my bio grandma I’d see when my dad decided to actually pick me up he’d take me to my grandmas & I wouldn’t see them for a long time. Or my two cool uncles who I seen when they lived close , but once they moved I never seen them & that hurt. Idk these ppl to make an opinion on it completely but this is my experience. So it’s up to you or if they’re old enough…ask them. You know what’s best in the end.
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My child has broke all contact their choice n I support them…my child is unsafe with the bio fam n has been proven too many times n the chances are up .the bond is broken beyond repair…n my child is recovered…so contact will no more. You do what is right for your children no matter what anyone else says
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I would let the kids decide depending on their age. My son stopped having contact with his dad and his dad’s family at 14 (his choice and for good reason). Sit down and talk to your kids. See how they feel about it. Let them know that regardless of what they decide, they can later change their minds. If they are toxic people then just remove them from their lives. Good luck with your decision. I hope everything works out for you and your family.
I wouldn’t cut off contact. His entire family should not pay the price for his choices. And honestly the kids deserve to know everyone that wants to know them. They may not feel they have a right to make much effort give the lack of effort the father himself makes so they stay back out of respect for you. I wouldn’t cut them out…that isn’t fair to the kids or to them.
Yes. It’s simple. They may not be your family anymore but despite the actions of the father they will always be part of the kids family and we do whts right by the kids no matter what as long as they are good for and to the kids
My daughter who is now 10 lost her brother who was 5 at the time from cancer almost 3 years ago. She hasn’t had any or next to no contact with her dad in over a year. But his family makes as much time as they can which makes her happy. Suppose everyone’s situation is different. And you have to do what is right for your family. I don’t keep her father away he just stays away. If she wants to see him it’s her choice. Same with his family. She goes through a lot so she needs as much support and love that she can get 
In the end it should be a choice you and your babas make. And if they change their minds we as parents need to respect it.
My ex husband hasn’t been around for years. My current husband has raised my daughters since they were really young (they are now teenagers). With that said, I am so incredibly thankful for the relationship I have with my ex in-laws. My girls have been with them every other weekend for the past 10 years despite their fathers absence. I have 2 sons with my current husband and my ex in-laws spoil my boys rotten. Their sons (my ex’s) mistakes is not their fault. I would never take my kiddos from them.
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Remove all contact from HIM. His family didn’t do anything. If they want to see their grandkids or nieces/nephews then I say let them unless they show signs of harm to them. They’re part of the kids’ blood, too.
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I would remove all contact. Especially if it’s that little. You know what’s best for YOUR kids. Dont let any of these women tell you what to do. Follow your gut.
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If there’s no threat of abuse or neglect, why would you prohibit family from loving, caring, supporting, encouraging, et c your children?
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As someone who lost contact with their niece because their relative made decisions you don’t agree with, I would never do that. I’ve seen first hand how devastating it was to our entire family, I could never do that to someone else.
Cut contact. If kids still get excited to hear from them then when they don’t call they get upset & it’s a year later and they are doing it again, cut it. No point in making your kids suffer. If they were constantly trying to see them then it would be different. Once or twice a year doesn’t justify mentally draining the kids.
Don’t exclude his family. Even though they make little effort, the choice you make now will directly affect how they will view you in the future. Even if they never reach out again, make that for them to decide not you!!
I would say… Let it die down on it’s own. If they want to stay in contact, let them. Eventually they’ll either stick around because of the love, or they’ll disappear slowly but surely. You don’t want your kids to think you forced them out… They should see the people for who they really are.
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Let your children do that in their own time. You do not want that on your conscience. If they make the choice themselves they won’t have regrets and you wont either.
Let them make the choice. If you make it, the kids will hold it against you later in life. I promise! I let my girls make their own decision and now they have no contact. I knew it would end up that way.
It’s never a bad thing for their family to love them… If there are no issues with the family, let them have the contact they are comfortable with.
I dont really understand… if there really is that little of contact, 1-2 times a year, then I don’t see why this would be a big deal in the first place. Secondly, is there a reason why they only reach out a few times a year? If they love and care about your child no matter what has happened with your child’s father, why wouldn’t you allow them to be a part of your child’s life? Why blame others for something someone else did? Being a parent is hard, but you have to remember that you need to make the right decision for your child, even if its not the best choice for you. I would allow them as long as they are not toxic. If they are, cut them off. It’s really that simple.
Yes because it’s not the kids fault their dad is a douche bag and it’s not his family’s fault,kids will make you pay for not letting them see their family for years and you don’t want that on you.
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I think I would keep contact cause it isn’t their fault. Unless the relationships become toxic that is, in that case I’d cut ties.
I would leave it open but don’t put any effort for having contact…that’s on them!
let the kids decide…also if it is only 1 or 2 times a year that will probably fade away too.
not easy but still grandparents but tell them if they want to stay in contact see kids more
I say talk to your kids ask them how they feel, don’t be spiteful because you can’t stand your ex (for good reasons). Your kids deserve the honest truth and whatever they decide from there is what you go with and respect.
My exes family hasn’t tried to be part of my daughter’s life since she was 1 or 2. Hell, they used to drive right by our house every Wednesday and Sunday for church and never once stopped by to see her. My experience has been that even if the option is there, they’ll eventually just fall off on their own.
If its only a couple of phone calls a year and they don’t attempt to be part of their lives breaking off contact shouldn’t be a problem for them or the kids. They seem to care very little for the children as well which is sad.
Depends on the circumstances!
I agree with April Bartlett!
Yes it’s not there fault
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If it’s only that then let it be.
Remove all contact the less hey know the less stress u and kids will be
I would leave the door open for them so long as they keep the relationship positive.
They are still family.
Yes. Unless they are abusive or otherwise dangerous to your kids mental or physical well being that’s the kids decision to make, not yours.
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That is a hard,question. One thing they are still their sons children. If they love them and treat them good I Can’t see with they Shouldn’t be part of their lives. Don’t punish them because if their son.
I would let them be part of their lives. Even if it is just a little time and it is not endangering them why not. There is nothing wrong with it. Having more people in your life that loves you is a positive thing.
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In regards to his family, I’d leave it as is. It should be the choice of your children when they are old enough (sorry don’t know ages) to make a decision themselves.
I just wouldn’t deny my children of their family.
Trust me, I’ve wanted too lol 
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Don’t force the contact yourself, but let them talk if or when they do try. Your kids will know who is around and wanting to be apart of their life.
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My sons bio father has never been a big part of his life, he went to jail a few times and we hadn’t been together since I was 5 months pregnant, they have met a few times that’s it, none of his family want anything to do with my son… my husband and I started dating when I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and that’s been my sons dad, it’s been 5 years and none of my ex’s fam has reached out or wanted anything to do with my son. Follow your heart, those few times they contact could just be to make them selves feel better about the situation…
I’m dealing with the exact same situation! It’s been 3 years my children are 13 and 14. Their dad hasn’t contacted them the past 2 years and we’ve been separated for 3 now. I just got remarried in August of 2019. My children haven’t heard from their grandparents for the past two years either! And what pisses me off the most is my ex mother in-law called me in December of 2019 for the first time since our separation to ask if I would like to be apart of the gift exchange we always did. I was like WTF??? I told her No! Why call me for something so stupid ?! When no one reaches out for three years?? I had to laugh / vomit at the same time! I could have slapped the shit out of her if she were asking in person! Lucky for her it was a phone call. But what really pissed me off ?!!! That’s all she asked! Not once did she ask about the kids or try and speak to them! So as to your question you do what’s best for you and your children! Let him and all his family members lose out on the best! If ur kids are on board with being adopted go for it!
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As someone that is going through the same thing , I have so that later my kids won’t feel like I kept them from having contact . But it is totally on my terms no exceptions period
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Just leave it as is … if it becomes a problem then stop it but honestly if they don’t hurt don’t make waves where they aren’t needed … flow babe when you can flow … just let it ride …
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I wouldn’t cut them off. Your children might resent you for it later in life.
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I think you should do what’s best for them. I don’t think there’s such thing as too much Love …
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I’d remove contact. It’s so in and out. You as the parent need to make the tough decisions no matter how hard it is.
Unless they’re toxic, it’s is their right, it’s your kids’ rights, it’s not up to you.
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Legal standpoint - no. You must disconnect any and all communication with them if you wish for the adoption to be approved by a court.