Yes, I have a question okay, I have a 14-year-old granddaughter that I practically raised. My daughter lives in the same town as me, and we’ve never been separated. She always lives close by me, but now she decided they might want to move to Las Vegas and I’m so hurt cuz I don’t want her to go with my other grandkids cuz I’ll miss them so much, and for my 14-year-old granddaughter she’s going to miss her brothers and sisters, but she doesn’t want to leave me either, so I’m asking what should I do to let her go and if she decides to go with her mother I guess I’ll just have to leave my more than 30 issue year marriage of my husband cuz I won’t be able to live without her I’ll get very depressed and very sick I think so what should I do if she goes to school with her and in my marriage or stays with my husband and be sick all the time and depressed
Therapy might help your seperation anxiety from your granddaughter.
Unless you have legal custody, you can’t stop your daughter from taking her.
You need a therapist Bc you’re way too entangled with your grand daughter. If you want to leave you’re marriage fo it for you don’t put that on a child.
It sounds like you could use talking with someone about your emotions and how to manage the circumstances
Don’t put all that on a child and get some metal help
With all due respect,You are never your granddaughter’s responsibility… don’t give her a heavy heart for something that she deserves. As a grandma, you should be supportive and if it’s for her well-being or maybe she’ll get a better education there or just simply grow as a person, let her. Let her live her life and let her mom be her mom too…
Therapy. You don’t have a say if she goes or not
This is not a healthy relationship at all. Whatsoever. Please get some professional help to work through your codependency issues. That is not your child. You are not her mother. Wether she wants to go or not, she goes if mom wants her to go, provided mom isn’t abusive. Honestly, no kid her age would WANT such a big drastic change, it’s very doubtful that it’s actually about you. You need to find a different purpose for your life and have a healthy relationship with your family. This behavior is not okay. What do you mean “let”? I wish tf my mother would 
U need therapy you don’t have any say in if she goes or not
Please look into enmeshment and codependency. It can have life long effects in children involved.
Are you for REAL? If you don’t have custody you cannot stop them. Following them and leaving your husband is not healthy. Let your daughter raise her kids and be away from you. She needs the space.
Why would you want your granddaughter to stay and live in a home that has made you miserable and depressed. Let your granddaughter go with her mom, and you should focus on yourself. You need to be mentally healthy.
Why are you so attached to your granddaughter and not the other kids?
You are lucky to have had your grandaughter, and daughter, close by for all these years. Children grow up, and leave the nest to make their own way in the world. Be proud that you have raised your grandaughter to make her own decisions. Think about your future, going forward. Leave your husband? That sounds extreme. Have you been asked to relocate with your daughter? Do you have a way to support yourself in Las Vegas? I think a counselor may be helpful, during the stress of separation from your loved ones. Many people have found innovative ways of keeping in touch, ie:Zoom, during this year of Covid. You can always visit remotely, or now, in person. I’m sure the fam would have holiday gatherings planned also. Let your daughter know how you are feeling, and talk it through. Nothing is forever.
Uh seek help. And I say that with sincerity. You becoming physically ill because of your granddaughter moving away, is not right at all. Nor is leaving your 30 year marriage to follow her either. Sorry but that thought process alone is sick.
Get some professional help. You need some serious counseling. Maybe they’re leaving bc you’ve been too much into their business. I’m glad you have a relationship with them but you can’t and should not put any of this on your granddaughter or daughter! And you’re going to end your marriage for this too? Smh please get some professional help. And get on some antidepressant meds.
She practically raised her. Thats gotta be tough. I feel for her. Find ways to stay connected…FaceTime, zoom etc…if you really wanna leave your husband then leave don’t use the child as an excuse. Have you talked about this with your daughter or husband?
I’m not understanding why the fate of your marriage depends on a 14 year old child. You did your job, and you love her, but you’re not her mother and she has to leave the nest at some point anyways… Seek some counseling and release your grip a little. And do NOT put undue guilt on your granddaughter over if grandma and grandpa stay married.
You need to get some mental help
The girls mom needs to get some therepy for the girl. The grandma has messed her up already. Sorry I have seen it in my own family and it’s not good.
Sounds like you need a mental health evaluation. It’s not natural to be so obsessed with your grandchild that you are willing to leave your husband and already know you’re going to sink into some deep bottomless depression. Love them deeply and unconditionally yes but you are way over the top. I sure hope she doesn’t hear you talk like this, that would be a terrible burden and guilt trip for her to have to deal with. What are you going to do when she grows up, gets married and has kids that she will love more than you. I’m thinking she needs to get away from you and the sooner the better…poor kid.
You don’t have custody you can’t stop her!!! She’s 14 she’s trying to be more independent and see the world, no disrespect but you can’t stop her and don’t hold her back from growing up and seeing life outside of your home in your town
We were going to move to Alaska with my daughter but decided not too because it’d be taking our daughter from her only surviving grandparent and she adores my mother in law. I could never take her from her. They love and adore each other too much.
I say seek counseling dear. She needs to go with her mom and siblings for sure. U are her grandma she could come spend a month or so in summer but Please DO NOT make her feel bad
You do not leave your marriage just cause your granddaughter is moving away. She deserves a life with her mother too not just you. Unless you got guardianship over her there’s nothing u can do. It’s not healthy for u to move and follow them honestly
Unless you have full custody of your granddaughter, then you have absolutely no say if she “can” move with her mother. You’re the grandparent, so you need to stay in your lane and get a therapist. If I was your daughter I would move as far away from you as I possibly could.
She is not your daughter so you can’t “let” her thats up to her mom. I think if you are going to leave your husband for your granddaughter or you will be depressed and sick then you need help. Get into therapy please cuz it sounds like you have an unhealthy obsession with your grand daughter.
No offense but children aren’t emotional support animals. I highly suggest therapy for your emotional needs and learning how to correctly cope with them.
What do you mean, “practically raised?” Like you were just around all the time and helped her mom out or you had guardianship? I do feel bad but to be honest you have some mental health issues you need to work out. It is absolutely not your place to decide where she goes and by saying you will leave your husband to follow her and by saying you will be very ill if you don’t follow her is honestly very toxic. To me that sounds like you may be trying to control her and your daughter with guilt. Which is extremely toxic. Please seek help. I mean that sincerely.
Tell me about it . I stay with my daughter before going into this place. And I was there even when my first grandbaby was born . I took care of her. I stayed at the hospital until her and my daughter came home . Because my daughter asked me to. And at two weeks old she got a UTI and was admitted to the hospital and we both stayed the whole time neither one of us left her side. But I miss her kissing me good night. And making sure that if she had a bad dream she could come get in bed with me. And every night. She’d be in her room maybe 5 minutes and she’d come in rubbing her eyes saying grandma I had a bad dream. And of course l let her in my bed. Then when we’d be cuddling here come brother. And he’d get into the bed on the other side of me. And that was like hea
You need help. I mean I get not wanting your granddaughter leaving but how do you think others moms and dads feel when their kiddos go off and live far away? They (or most) don’t just pack up their lives and follow. They stay and they allow for their kids to grow. Your granddaughter will be okay and so will you, but you’re probably going to need some therapy.
you are a grandmother, if you don’t have custody you have zero say on where your children move with your grandkids.
Get your own life. Build up your relationship with your husband and don’t hold them back from trying to move forward.
Not saying it won’t be hard but it’s their life let them go and be happy for them. I’m sure you could spend time together on holidays ect.
It sounds as though you are guilting them to stay.
I think your reaction is quite selfish. If you are not coping seek professional help.
What will you do when time comes for her to start dating and spending time with friends.
If the mother is stable enough to raise her children then she should. You did your part to help and it’s your turn to take care of you. You can always visit as much as you want. I wouldn’t destroy your marriage to move with them.
You are placing a lot of the responsibility for your happiness on a child. That’s not healthy at all, nor is it fair to the child involved. I mean this in the kindest way, but please seek a therapist. Your happiness is your own responsibility, no one else’s.
Yeah, that’s not normal rationalizing. Leave your husband of 30 years to follow your child? Children are meant to leave. Your husband is who you vowed your life to. I agree with everyone who said to seek therapy immediately.
What did I just read?
Wow you guys are so cold. Her daughter obviously used her and now that she is stable and can do it on her own will leave her old mother. The grandma practically raised her granddaughter and for her it’s literally like somebody is suddenly taking her child away from her. I understand that the grandma needs to understand but I really do not think you guys should judge her this harshly
You raised your kids. Now it’s yours kids turn to raise theirs. Your granddaughter is not your responsibility and please don’t end your marriage over it. Your husband is your husband through thick and thin. It’s time in your life now for you and him.
Wow. That poor grand daughter. You need help honey. Professional help
Anyone else having issues reading this?
I think I’m confused. No where in the post does it say grandma literally raised the child. So to offer a valid opinion I feel like I need more info.
Personally I wouldn’t want to move away from my parents. They love my kiddos more than anything in this universe and I’m
Blessed to still have
My grandparents too.
You sound like a complete dependent, nut job.
I ignore most of these women . 99.9% have bad advice or are the definition of a toxic dump of “ I am better then you” nonsense. People who have never experienced that loss of a child can’t relate . And there for there’s a. lack of rational understanding. I wonder who raised these women . Kids keep the child till mom is settled .
Wtf?? Children and grandchildren are ment to grow up and many have to move away to do that. To spread their wings and live their own dreams. I can’t imigion growing away a marriage because a kid moves away.
Please get some real therapy regardless of the situation.
Children are not your emotional support pet.
Watching your grandchildren cuz mom is working it something like that isn’t raising them. And if mom has custudy she belongs with her mom. It sounds like you helped your daughter not raise her children
You have to let her go,is no easy but you can survive,I know how you feel about her because I had the same situation with my second granddaughter she raise in my house 
they move out the town,she recived therapy and me too we have to learn how live far away each other,she is now 19th years old,she come to visit me every summer,we still in touch,telephone,facebook,etc has been so hard but not impossible,Blessings 
Um what? Say that again…but slowly 
I can’t believe people calling this lady a nut. She clearly said she raised the little girl. If I had to ever choose between my husband and my own child (I raised regardless if it’s mine). I’d choose my child. She’s 14 not a grown ass adult. This has to be awful for her. For her daughter to have her raise her child her entire life then suddenly say I’m taking her and leaving. That’s fucken beyond traumatic. On the other hand my advice would be to let the child make the choice unfortunately with other siblings involved especially. It wouldn’t be fair to make her lose them. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think it’s awful if ur daughter to put you in this spot after basically mothering her child her whole life. Prayers to you 
Let her go! I’m sure she will come back to you guys 
or explain to her she doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to. She’s old enough to decide for herself.
My daughter and grandson lived next door for years, and now they live four hours away. It’s rough, but they have their own lives to live.
This is the most selfish thing I’ve read. Parents do what’s best for their families. We live 2.5 hours from our parents and are moving further to be with more family.
You would be willing to leave your husband of 30 years to follow your grand daughter… I feel sorry for your husband
You could fly out & visit them. Granddaughter could also come to you, maybe for summer break or over school break. There are options aside from leaving your home & marriage & lots of ways to stay in touch daily. Talking to a professional could also help you cope 
I know it hurts but you have to let them do their thing. Social media is a wonderful thing for long distance relationships of any kind…
“Should you let her” she is not your child and you have to stay in your place. It’s not up to you when and where you daughter lives she is an adult. This controlling behavior is why I have cut my entire family completely off for years now.
“Should you LET your GRANDDAUGHTER move away?” Thats not your decision and if your daughter who is her mother decided they want to move then they can. If you are that mentally dependent on a 14 year old you need to talk to someone that is not healthy
You are not the mother. You have no say. You are not her parent. Get help.
Well, lets start off with, you wouldn’t be “letting” anyone do anything, that is a toxic way of thinking. Your daughter is an adult and has every single right to move with her children wherever she desires. Next, why would you have to end your marriage to follow your daughter if she moves? If your husband is that much of an issue, you need to leave him regardless. The fact that you’re using the guilt of “if she leaves, I’ll be sick and depressed” just screams toxic and you need to really sit down and reevaluate how you word things or how you feel, because you do not own your child nor your grandchildren. You do not get a say in what decisions they make as a family.
Life changes can be hard, what’s best for this child is the question to answer.
I mean this as nicely as possible but you sound codependent AF. This is not normal or healthy. Please see a therapist.
So it sounds like the 14 year old lives with you I’m not sure it’s kinda hard to understand. You can’t stop them from moving if the 14 year old lives with you you should give her the option of moving with her mother and siblings if she doesn’t want to go and her mother is cool with it let her stay with you you can always visit.
Grow up and let other people live their own lives!!!
It is NOT your decision to make all I hear from you are your own selfish reasons why you dont want them to go but have you ever thought about what might be good for them?? Find a hobby or an interest of your own instead of restricting other people for your own needs
It may be hard but your family will always be your family no matter where they are
Are you saying you will leave a 30 year marriage if your adult daughter moves HER family away?
I think your hubby deserves better tbh… wtf
You need professional help and I don’t see that as an insult. You don’t seem balanced.
Wow. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you have custody of the child? Or does her mother? Let the damn mother move with her child shes not your fucking responsibility nor your fucking kid. Jesus christ.
Not your child. That’s your grandchild. That means that you are not in control. You have no power to let anyone do anything.
I really hope you aren’t telling your 14 year old grandchild that if she leaves you will get very sick and depressed. That is a lot of pressure and very manipulative. Your total happiness cannot depend solely on her. Visit her, call her. But please do make her feel like it will harm you to be away from her. That just screams long term emotional damage and she may end up resenting you for doing that to her.
Wow she has the same issues as someone else I know . The consensus seems for her to “get help “
What?.. It not up to you if she goes… Love does hurt but we deal with the best we can n move on… They have roads n airplanes that go that way every day
Gosh everyone is being so cruel. I feel like we don’t have the whole story.
Leave your stupid husband and go to Vegas
Dam everyone is hating on grandma shes going to miss her child she raised for 14 years its completely normal shes not being manipulative shes speaking from her heart its hard to loose anyone we love imagine someone who you are so emotionally connected to I dont agree with her leaving her husband but you can take lots of vacations together to visit
It sounds to me like your daughter is moving to get her kids away from you. You obviously favour the 14 year old and are INSANELY enmeshed with her and judging from the “sick and depressed” you probably gaslight her to feel guilty about moving away with her mother. She is NOT your child. You need to seek major therapy
Why are the admins of this page allowing such rude comments??? I thought this was a supportive page
ADMIN u need to step up & sort out some of these rude people!!!
This is very worrisome. You do sound like you’re emotionally manipulating the situation. You will be absolutely fine just like every other parent or grandparent in the world when their child leaves. Bananas
Yall forget that theres really woman out here who dump their kids off on gma & go out to bars to drink
Girl bye. So much wrong in all that you said. See a therapist for real!
U can figure ways to make their move easier and get help to cope with . U LETTING her move is not your problem. U can’t decide that. There are Soo many ways to have her there everyday .take advantage of social media ,FaceTime, technology etc. I wouldn’teave my marriage. Your husband is losing family too. U can go visit often. Try to figure out how to make this work for u ,your children , grandchildren and marriage. Seek outside help if needed.
You said you raised your grandchild and it’s understandable that you will miss her and don’t want her to go but our kids have to go sooner or later and you have to let them live, who knows?? Right now moving depends on your daughter because she is the mom, don’t tell her you will get sick if she leaves, that is manipulative and fcked up… just call her everyday if you want and tell her she is always welcome if she comes back for any reason. Be there and be supportive , I’m sure it’s not easy for them to move to another state away from you.
Yall not even questioning what her mother did that she had to raise her kid? She is all over the place but who isn’t when going through such an emotional time. I think you should stay home and ask to have her all summer. You’ll be ok. I promise just breathe
This sounds like a very toxic situation for both the grandma and especially the granddaughter. At some point this little girl is going to want to move on with her own life, be it move to Vegas with her mother or move out to go to college. It sounds as though grandma is going to pull this “sick and depressed” stunt whatever and whenever this girl decides it’s time. That isn’t fair on the girl. If grandma’s marriage is so awful she needs to leave but she also has to allow the girl to live her life. At 14 she is able to decide whether being with her mother is in her best interest and going be grandma’s manipulation I’d say it is
Sadly she isn’t your child so you don’t really get a say.
I have raised my grandaughter since she was 14 months old just the same and cannot imaginebei g away from her not even for second. Its just like your own and breaks your heart. I totally get it. And you know exactly how you will feel . You need to do what ever is best for her no matter the outcome. And then desl with what rver the outcome in the best of wsys you sre sble. No one can tell you what is best except for yourself .i wish you the best of luck and am here to chat if u need to.
She’s 14 and whilst she’s in with her family sadly grandparents don’t get a say in this situation it doesn’t matter if you have been there for those years let your granddaughter enjoy a new life I’m sure that there will be phone calls ect
Guys it sounds like the granddaughter lives with the grandmother and there is obviously a reason for that
Grandma’s attachment and separation anxiety are perfectly reasonable assuming she raised this child
She didn’t say anything about forcing the child to stay but is looking for ways to cope with the possibility of the move
I’m sorry I know it’s painful. You don’t really get to “let her” or not. You’re not her parent. You don’t have custody. You have the right to make choices for her. Maybe mom is choosing to move because she needs to live on her terms? I’d be sad, depressed too. But we don’t get to make decisions on for our children or grandchildren.
Unfortunately she’s not your daughter …you cannot be as selfish to make her stay .The fact you state you’ll leave your marriage be sick and depressed is worrysome …what will happen at 24 when she’s married ??? Will you want to live in their spare room or you’ll be sick and depressed?? You need to get some hobbies this is her life you’ve had yours…
Sounds like you have some real issues you need to work out here.
Do not put your issues onto your granddaughter. If she wants to go with her mum and siblings so be it. That’s not for you to decide or guilt trip her in anyway with your being “depressed and sick” that’s your issue not the child’s. You need to deal with that like an adult. Nor is it her issue about your marriage not even sure what thats got to do with your granddaughter.
With iPhones and iPads now surely regular FaceTime calls and visits in school holidays is more than sufficient to maintain a relationship just like many other families do.
Do not be selfish and guilt trip your grandchild into feeling like she has to say and leave her family to care for you.
She is your granddaughter not daughter it’s up to her mum where she lives also I think you need therapy you can’t expect people to put there life on hold because of you
I think you should look into therapy, hun. Seems like you might have co dependency issues. Unless you were already planning on leaving your hubby
Kids aren’t anti depressants. Stop using her as your emotional support person. She’s a kid, not your kid either.
Get therapy and give her space as I’m sure she needs it
Not your child…you cannot make her stay…sorry but I think it would be best if she does move there as you sound very obsessed with her and it’s not healthy
I totally understand how heartbreaking it is to think of her moving so far away, but you have no control over this decision so you must put own feelings aside and deal with whatever happens
If she does move, it is NOT the end! You are strong and you won’t drop dead. Look for other things that bring you happiness. Give your marraige some of that attention. Your husband could be a great source of comfort and strength if you put as much into your relationship as you did into your relationship with your granddaughter, you might find the woman you used to be! Love the granddaughter but let her go.
Work on YOU & your dreams and desires & get your depression under control. If you dont, you will not be fullfilling your purpose in life. Nothing will bring you happiness. When one door closes, climb out a window. Your life is not over! I wish a wonderful future for all of you and your family!! 
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I understand it is difficult for you however Kids shouldn’t have to take on the responsibility of being emotional support for an adult. Isn’t really your choice if she leaves or not, she isn’t your daughter.seem a bit obsessed and manipulative by saying you will become very sick? You don’t know that?
Just think in 4 to 5 years your granddaughter will be off to college so she might move to another state then. Instead of being sad and have that mindset think about them having a new beginning and a happy beginning. Try to have happy thoughts. Maybe plan a trip once they get settled
Awwwww its hard being a nan. Must be so difficult to let her go, you have to trust the relationship you have with her. If it’s meant to be and necessary, she’ll come home on her own. Much love, I’d hate it if my mokos moved away too.