I was in a similar situation as the mom. My daughter was 15 when my husband and I decided to move from NH to SC and my parents were so mad they went to court and told lies in the initial paperwork and managed to take my daughter from me. It was the most horrible experience i have ever gone through and because of it I have zero relationship with my parents or siblings
2 Likes
Um I mean … you should be supporting your daughter … if she wants to move that’s completely in her right … and not for nothing what teen wants to move and start new w a new school and a new group of friends. Of course at 14 she doesnt. But you are kind of being selfish now going into how this will mess w ur marriage… seems like u need to call a therapist and get a tele appointment … bc ur reaction seems a bit much.
3 Likes
Talk to your daughter and tell her how you feel. Maybe she’ll let her stay and she can visit the rest of the family in summers and holidays?You can also go visit. Maybe if you look on the bright side it will give you more time with your husband. Talk to a therapist. I wish you luck. If she lives with you maybe seek a lawyer for advice on the next step.
Stay with hubby. This child will soon venture out on her own. Separation now want hurt any differently than later. You made a vow to your husband. Until death do you part not granddaughter. I know it’s hard but it’s the right decision.
4 Likes
Sounds like some self inflicted illness. She should be raised by her mother and have special visits with her grandparents. You are over thinking instead of allowing change.
5 Likes
The idea is that we raise them and set them out into the world . While you may have " raised " her that’s still your daughter’s child.
I mean if you want to ruin you and your daughters relationship… by all means say something !
Saying you’ll be sick and depressed and leave your husband ?!? if your grand daughter leaves is a red flag to many other issues within yourself. Plz stop using the child has an emotional support. These are not your grand daughters burdens to carry .
12 Likes
I don’t think it’s healthy they stay, they should move. That kind of thought process is toxic.
4 Likes
I think it’s healthy they move, and soon she will move on her own so embrace the change.
1 Like
You aren’t the mom, if her mom says she has to move, You have to let them go.
4 Likes
She isnt your child and you cant stop her.
4 Likes
If she wants to go let her go? She’s not your emotional support, and honestly if you feel depressed and sick if she leaves then maybe you should look into therapy. It will help. Plus if your marriage is crappy then leave 
you already want to if your granddaughter moves with her mother. Hope all goes good.
4 Likes
Does anybody even read?! She practically raised the kid and y’all are nasty rude and saying that she shouldn’t wanna stay with her and her feeling depressed about this makes her toxic?! Theres more toxicity in these bloody comments… y’all are gross! You don’t even know the situation.
19 Likes
Anyone else think this sounds like it was written by a child?
3 Likes
If your marriage falls apart, it was nothing to do with your daughter and granddaughter. That is solely on you and your spouse. You don’t get to throw all of your emotional burdens on your poor granddaughter. I think they need to get away, this kind of thinking and behavior is so toxic. 
definitely seek counseling.
10 Likes
It’s obvious that you love your grandchildren and are very involved in their life. I do, however, think that there might be more to this story and that maybe some distance might be ok.
5 Likes
Time to be independent. You can visit . Saying you will move where they are and leave your husband sounds kinda crazy and you may need therapy. Let them go and grow and change and live life dont hinder that and use them as a crutch and play the guilt game of saying you are gonna get sick etc. Get help.
5 Likes
You love her like your own— I feel that. But she is getting older and eventually she will move away— even if not right now with her mother. You should prepare yourself for that. I completely understand you’re emotional and feeling like your only choice is to choose between your husband and the child you raised. It’s a tough spot. But it isn’t your only choice. You should see this as an opportunity for you to get involved in something else to occupy your mind. My grandmother started volunteering at children’s church and local schools and libraries to still be around kids (she said it made her feel young) and schedule regular visits with your granddaughter
4 Likes
I was raised in that kind of toxic environment except it was my mother. I was unhappy all the time and couldnt get out from under her thumb. The granddaughter needs to move where mother goes. To say you practically raised her when they didnt live to dar from you doesnt mean she is yours to have a say over. While she doesnt want to go, what teen wants to uproot and leave all she has known behind, itll help her grow as a person.
The fact that youve already predicted youll be sick or your marriage will ne ruined is toxic and you should seek help. Dont destroy your granddaughters or your husbands life for your selfishness. Let her go amd look forward to visits.
6 Likes
Unless you have parental rights or guardianship of her, it’s not your choice, unfortunately.
2 Likes
You need to let her have her life. Would you want her feeling tied to a person her entire life like you feel? Let her grow & experience without your input.
2 Likes
Can your husband move with you? I know how you feel. I live with my grandson now and will for life.
2 Likes
I sympathise with you but in a word that’s life.Youll just have to send her off with a smile no matter how.hard it is.We bring our children up to be strong and independent Some take a lot longer than others to arrive at that moment , but it sounds like your daughter is at that point in her life.It is cruel to get over emotional and say you will get I’ll etc if your granddaughter goes unfortunately the apron strings have to be cut.You need to have a life of your own.Emotional blackmail is the most selfish thing of all.Say goodbye with encouragement not tears so all concerned feel bad this is probably a.real exciting time for your daughter.You can go and visit I do with my youngest Son and his family he’s in Germany and I’m in the UK. I go once a year for 3 months now I’m retired.part of the experience is looking for the cheapest flights etc.and there also Zoom and what’s ap etc to talk on a daily basis.if not they will go anyway and you will know longer be welcome.You want them to look forward to seeing you not hate you.
1 Like
Well unless you have some sort of actual court awarded rights/guardianship it’s not “if you let her” anyway. & if Mom is capable of providing for the child then the child should be with mom regardless
1 Like
Im so sorry your going thru this. If she does move get the kindle that is made for Grandparents and you can at least now a days face time with her. You can set up a time everyday that you both can see each other over the video in live time and talk. Its not like having her there I know but it is a way to see her everyday. My heart goes out to you as i have been thru this when my son was on the military and moved his family across the country. It broke my heart. And the internet wasnt big yet. Video chat is better than nothing. You are in my prayers and hope it all works out for you both. 
⚘
- You have to let her grow her own wings.
2)it sounds like you’re pretty unhappy and depressed in your marriage as it is, I would seek counseling or leave if you’re not happy.
3)You’ve successfully raised your babies (&babies babies) now it’s time for you to move on and spend some time for yourself. Find yourself and a life YOU want to live. Don’t just follow your children around their whole life.
5 Likes
Husband forsaking all others
1 Like
You’re just the grandmother. You really have no say so where your granddaughter moves too.
9 Likes
Okay, there is so muchhhh to unpack here. First off, she is your granddaughter, not your daughter. And as long as your daughter is taking care of her children you should be happy with her having her own life. And second off, I feel so terribly bad for your husband. You are willing to throw away what ever life you have with him to move just to be close to your daughter who wants her own life. I have to wonder if you even loved him or was it a marriage of convenience. These are all very toxic things you are doing and saying and I would highly suggest to speak with someone about them.
9 Likes
I think this is confusing at best.
3 Likes
Go
If your husband loves you he will follow
4 Likes
If you don’t have custody of her its not your decision. It’s her mom’s. As much as my mom would miss my son if we moved it wouldnt be her decision.
1 Like
Not ur child. U really don’t have to “let” her ,it’s her moms decision.
3 Likes
You sound more obssesed with this child then anything else a very unhealthy sick obsession
11 Likes
Might just be me, but this doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship. Grandma, you don’t need your life and your health to be dependent on another person. Most everyone leaves the nest at some point and needs their own lives and that’s how it is supposed to be. Find somewhere else to focus your energy and love your family from whatever distance they choose.
4 Likes
People are so quick to judge and be rude on here. Good lord
4 Likes
There is absolutely nothing healthy about this situation whatsoever. I have a feeling mom is moving away for a reason.
5 Likes
I think you need to go to counseling if you are having separation anxiety so bad u want to end your marriage. That’s not a healthy response. Kids grow up, situations change, you have to flow & accept the changes as they come… Not rearrange you entire life!!
2 Likes
Your relationship with your granddaughter sounds very unhealthy. Might I suggest that if you love her and care for her as you say then you will respect whatever decision your granddaughter makes. Whether it be what you want or not. Perhaps turn your attention to your husband and that relationship. She will always be your granddaughter even if she moved to the other side of the world. Maybe a little counselling would help? Forcing your emotional state on to her will not and is not a healthy way of maintaining a relationship.
1 Like
The usual response on this page… DIVORCE!
1 Like
Mind your own damb business
Can’t stop her unless you have custody of her
Your her grandma lol back off.
It is very hard when a child moves away, even harder when grandchildren are involved. You have to let them go and know you raised them to be on their own. You can always visit.
My oldest son moved 6 hours away for work, taking my three grandbabies. It was rough for a bit not seeing them all every day but I visit and they visit me.