I ignore most of these women . 99.9% have bad advice or are the definition of a toxic dump of “ I am better then you” nonsense. People who have never experienced that loss of a child can’t relate . And there for there’s a. lack of rational understanding. I wonder who raised these women . Kids keep the child till mom is settled .
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Wtf?? Children and grandchildren are ment to grow up and many have to move away to do that. To spread their wings and live their own dreams. I can’t imigion growing away a marriage because a kid moves away.
Please get some real therapy regardless of the situation.
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Children are not your emotional support pet.
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Watching your grandchildren cuz mom is working it something like that isn’t raising them. And if mom has custudy she belongs with her mom. It sounds like you helped your daughter not raise her children
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You have to let her go,is no easy but you can survive,I know how you feel about her because I had the same situation with my second granddaughter she raise in my house 
they move out the town,she recived therapy and me too we have to learn how live far away each other,she is now 19th years old,she come to visit me every summer,we still in touch,telephone,facebook,etc has been so hard but not impossible,Blessings 
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Um what? Say that again…but slowly 
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I can’t believe people calling this lady a nut. She clearly said she raised the little girl. If I had to ever choose between my husband and my own child (I raised regardless if it’s mine). I’d choose my child. She’s 14 not a grown ass adult. This has to be awful for her. For her daughter to have her raise her child her entire life then suddenly say I’m taking her and leaving. That’s fucken beyond traumatic. On the other hand my advice would be to let the child make the choice unfortunately with other siblings involved especially. It wouldn’t be fair to make her lose them. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think it’s awful if ur daughter to put you in this spot after basically mothering her child her whole life. Prayers to you 
Let her go! I’m sure she will come back to you guys 
or explain to her she doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to. She’s old enough to decide for herself.
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My daughter and grandson lived next door for years, and now they live four hours away. It’s rough, but they have their own lives to live.
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This is the most selfish thing I’ve read. Parents do what’s best for their families. We live 2.5 hours from our parents and are moving further to be with more family.
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You would be willing to leave your husband of 30 years to follow your grand daughter… I feel sorry for your husband
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You could fly out & visit them. Granddaughter could also come to you, maybe for summer break or over school break. There are options aside from leaving your home & marriage & lots of ways to stay in touch daily. Talking to a professional could also help you cope 
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I know it hurts but you have to let them do their thing. Social media is a wonderful thing for long distance relationships of any kind…
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“Should you let her” she is not your child and you have to stay in your place. It’s not up to you when and where you daughter lives she is an adult. This controlling behavior is why I have cut my entire family completely off for years now.
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“Should you LET your GRANDDAUGHTER move away?” Thats not your decision and if your daughter who is her mother decided they want to move then they can. If you are that mentally dependent on a 14 year old you need to talk to someone that is not healthy
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You are not the mother. You have no say. You are not her parent. Get help.
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Well, lets start off with, you wouldn’t be “letting” anyone do anything, that is a toxic way of thinking. Your daughter is an adult and has every single right to move with her children wherever she desires. Next, why would you have to end your marriage to follow your daughter if she moves? If your husband is that much of an issue, you need to leave him regardless. The fact that you’re using the guilt of “if she leaves, I’ll be sick and depressed” just screams toxic and you need to really sit down and reevaluate how you word things or how you feel, because you do not own your child nor your grandchildren. You do not get a say in what decisions they make as a family.
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Life changes can be hard, what’s best for this child is the question to answer.
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I mean this as nicely as possible but you sound codependent AF. This is not normal or healthy. Please see a therapist.
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So it sounds like the 14 year old lives with you I’m not sure it’s kinda hard to understand. You can’t stop them from moving if the 14 year old lives with you you should give her the option of moving with her mother and siblings if she doesn’t want to go and her mother is cool with it let her stay with you you can always visit.
Grow up and let other people live their own lives!!!
It is NOT your decision to make all I hear from you are your own selfish reasons why you dont want them to go but have you ever thought about what might be good for them?? Find a hobby or an interest of your own instead of restricting other people for your own needs
It may be hard but your family will always be your family no matter where they are
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Are you saying you will leave a 30 year marriage if your adult daughter moves HER family away?
I think your hubby deserves better tbh… wtf
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You need professional help and I don’t see that as an insult. You don’t seem balanced.
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Wow. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you have custody of the child? Or does her mother? Let the damn mother move with her child shes not your fucking responsibility nor your fucking kid. Jesus christ.
Not your child. That’s your grandchild. That means that you are not in control. You have no power to let anyone do anything.
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I really hope you aren’t telling your 14 year old grandchild that if she leaves you will get very sick and depressed. That is a lot of pressure and very manipulative. Your total happiness cannot depend solely on her. Visit her, call her. But please do make her feel like it will harm you to be away from her. That just screams long term emotional damage and she may end up resenting you for doing that to her.
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Wow she has the same issues as someone else I know . The consensus seems for her to “get help “
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What?.. It not up to you if she goes… Love does hurt but we deal with the best we can n move on… They have roads n airplanes that go that way every day
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Gosh everyone is being so cruel. I feel like we don’t have the whole story.
Leave your stupid husband and go to Vegas
Dam everyone is hating on grandma shes going to miss her child she raised for 14 years its completely normal shes not being manipulative shes speaking from her heart its hard to loose anyone we love imagine someone who you are so emotionally connected to I dont agree with her leaving her husband but you can take lots of vacations together to visit
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It sounds to me like your daughter is moving to get her kids away from you. You obviously favour the 14 year old and are INSANELY enmeshed with her and judging from the “sick and depressed” you probably gaslight her to feel guilty about moving away with her mother. She is NOT your child. You need to seek major therapy
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Why are the admins of this page allowing such rude comments??? I thought this was a supportive page
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ADMIN u need to step up & sort out some of these rude people!!!
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This is very worrisome. You do sound like you’re emotionally manipulating the situation. You will be absolutely fine just like every other parent or grandparent in the world when their child leaves. Bananas
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Yall forget that theres really woman out here who dump their kids off on gma & go out to bars to drink
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Girl bye. So much wrong in all that you said. See a therapist for real!
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U can figure ways to make their move easier and get help to cope with . U LETTING her move is not your problem. U can’t decide that. There are Soo many ways to have her there everyday .take advantage of social media ,FaceTime, technology etc. I wouldn’teave my marriage. Your husband is losing family too. U can go visit often. Try to figure out how to make this work for u ,your children , grandchildren and marriage. Seek outside help if needed.
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You said you raised your grandchild and it’s understandable that you will miss her and don’t want her to go but our kids have to go sooner or later and you have to let them live, who knows?? Right now moving depends on your daughter because she is the mom, don’t tell her you will get sick if she leaves, that is manipulative and fcked up… just call her everyday if you want and tell her she is always welcome if she comes back for any reason. Be there and be supportive , I’m sure it’s not easy for them to move to another state away from you.
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Yall not even questioning what her mother did that she had to raise her kid? She is all over the place but who isn’t when going through such an emotional time. I think you should stay home and ask to have her all summer. You’ll be ok. I promise just breathe
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This sounds like a very toxic situation for both the grandma and especially the granddaughter. At some point this little girl is going to want to move on with her own life, be it move to Vegas with her mother or move out to go to college. It sounds as though grandma is going to pull this “sick and depressed” stunt whatever and whenever this girl decides it’s time. That isn’t fair on the girl. If grandma’s marriage is so awful she needs to leave but she also has to allow the girl to live her life. At 14 she is able to decide whether being with her mother is in her best interest and going be grandma’s manipulation I’d say it is
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Sadly she isn’t your child so you don’t really get a say.
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I have raised my grandaughter since she was 14 months old just the same and cannot imaginebei g away from her not even for second. Its just like your own and breaks your heart. I totally get it. And you know exactly how you will feel . You need to do what ever is best for her no matter the outcome. And then desl with what rver the outcome in the best of wsys you sre sble. No one can tell you what is best except for yourself .i wish you the best of luck and am here to chat if u need to.
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She’s 14 and whilst she’s in with her family sadly grandparents don’t get a say in this situation it doesn’t matter if you have been there for those years let your granddaughter enjoy a new life I’m sure that there will be phone calls ect
Guys it sounds like the granddaughter lives with the grandmother and there is obviously a reason for that
Grandma’s attachment and separation anxiety are perfectly reasonable assuming she raised this child
She didn’t say anything about forcing the child to stay but is looking for ways to cope with the possibility of the move
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I’m sorry I know it’s painful. You don’t really get to “let her” or not. You’re not her parent. You don’t have custody. You have the right to make choices for her. Maybe mom is choosing to move because she needs to live on her terms? I’d be sad, depressed too. But we don’t get to make decisions on for our children or grandchildren.
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Unfortunately she’s not your daughter …you cannot be as selfish to make her stay .The fact you state you’ll leave your marriage be sick and depressed is worrysome …what will happen at 24 when she’s married ??? Will you want to live in their spare room or you’ll be sick and depressed?? You need to get some hobbies this is her life you’ve had yours…
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Sounds like you have some real issues you need to work out here.
Do not put your issues onto your granddaughter. If she wants to go with her mum and siblings so be it. That’s not for you to decide or guilt trip her in anyway with your being “depressed and sick” that’s your issue not the child’s. You need to deal with that like an adult. Nor is it her issue about your marriage not even sure what thats got to do with your granddaughter.
With iPhones and iPads now surely regular FaceTime calls and visits in school holidays is more than sufficient to maintain a relationship just like many other families do.
Do not be selfish and guilt trip your grandchild into feeling like she has to say and leave her family to care for you.
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She is your granddaughter not daughter it’s up to her mum where she lives also I think you need therapy you can’t expect people to put there life on hold because of you
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I think you should look into therapy, hun. Seems like you might have co dependency issues. Unless you were already planning on leaving your hubby
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Kids aren’t anti depressants. Stop using her as your emotional support person. She’s a kid, not your kid either.
Get therapy and give her space as I’m sure she needs it
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Not your child…you cannot make her stay…sorry but I think it would be best if she does move there as you sound very obsessed with her and it’s not healthy
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I totally understand how heartbreaking it is to think of her moving so far away, but you have no control over this decision so you must put own feelings aside and deal with whatever happens
If she does move, it is NOT the end! You are strong and you won’t drop dead. Look for other things that bring you happiness. Give your marraige some of that attention. Your husband could be a great source of comfort and strength if you put as much into your relationship as you did into your relationship with your granddaughter, you might find the woman you used to be! Love the granddaughter but let her go.
Work on YOU & your dreams and desires & get your depression under control. If you dont, you will not be fullfilling your purpose in life. Nothing will bring you happiness. When one door closes, climb out a window. Your life is not over! I wish a wonderful future for all of you and your family!! 
,
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I understand it is difficult for you however Kids shouldn’t have to take on the responsibility of being emotional support for an adult. Isn’t really your choice if she leaves or not, she isn’t your daughter.seem a bit obsessed and manipulative by saying you will become very sick? You don’t know that?
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Just think in 4 to 5 years your granddaughter will be off to college so she might move to another state then. Instead of being sad and have that mindset think about them having a new beginning and a happy beginning. Try to have happy thoughts. Maybe plan a trip once they get settled
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Awwwww its hard being a nan. Must be so difficult to let her go, you have to trust the relationship you have with her. If it’s meant to be and necessary, she’ll come home on her own. Much love, I’d hate it if my mokos moved away too.
I was in a similar situation as the mom. My daughter was 15 when my husband and I decided to move from NH to SC and my parents were so mad they went to court and told lies in the initial paperwork and managed to take my daughter from me. It was the most horrible experience i have ever gone through and because of it I have zero relationship with my parents or siblings
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Um I mean … you should be supporting your daughter … if she wants to move that’s completely in her right … and not for nothing what teen wants to move and start new w a new school and a new group of friends. Of course at 14 she doesnt. But you are kind of being selfish now going into how this will mess w ur marriage… seems like u need to call a therapist and get a tele appointment … bc ur reaction seems a bit much.
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Talk to your daughter and tell her how you feel. Maybe she’ll let her stay and she can visit the rest of the family in summers and holidays?You can also go visit. Maybe if you look on the bright side it will give you more time with your husband. Talk to a therapist. I wish you luck. If she lives with you maybe seek a lawyer for advice on the next step.
Stay with hubby. This child will soon venture out on her own. Separation now want hurt any differently than later. You made a vow to your husband. Until death do you part not granddaughter. I know it’s hard but it’s the right decision.
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Sounds like some self inflicted illness. She should be raised by her mother and have special visits with her grandparents. You are over thinking instead of allowing change.
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The idea is that we raise them and set them out into the world . While you may have " raised " her that’s still your daughter’s child.
I mean if you want to ruin you and your daughters relationship… by all means say something !
Saying you’ll be sick and depressed and leave your husband ?!? if your grand daughter leaves is a red flag to many other issues within yourself. Plz stop using the child has an emotional support. These are not your grand daughters burdens to carry .
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I don’t think it’s healthy they stay, they should move. That kind of thought process is toxic.
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I think it’s healthy they move, and soon she will move on her own so embrace the change.
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You aren’t the mom, if her mom says she has to move, You have to let them go.
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She isnt your child and you cant stop her.
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If she wants to go let her go? She’s not your emotional support, and honestly if you feel depressed and sick if she leaves then maybe you should look into therapy. It will help. Plus if your marriage is crappy then leave 
you already want to if your granddaughter moves with her mother. Hope all goes good.
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Does anybody even read?! She practically raised the kid and y’all are nasty rude and saying that she shouldn’t wanna stay with her and her feeling depressed about this makes her toxic?! Theres more toxicity in these bloody comments… y’all are gross! You don’t even know the situation.
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Anyone else think this sounds like it was written by a child?
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If your marriage falls apart, it was nothing to do with your daughter and granddaughter. That is solely on you and your spouse. You don’t get to throw all of your emotional burdens on your poor granddaughter. I think they need to get away, this kind of thinking and behavior is so toxic. definitely seek counseling.
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It’s obvious that you love your grandchildren and are very involved in their life. I do, however, think that there might be more to this story and that maybe some distance might be ok.
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Time to be independent. You can visit . Saying you will move where they are and leave your husband sounds kinda crazy and you may need therapy. Let them go and grow and change and live life dont hinder that and use them as a crutch and play the guilt game of saying you are gonna get sick etc. Get help.
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You love her like your own— I feel that. But she is getting older and eventually she will move away— even if not right now with her mother. You should prepare yourself for that. I completely understand you’re emotional and feeling like your only choice is to choose between your husband and the child you raised. It’s a tough spot. But it isn’t your only choice. You should see this as an opportunity for you to get involved in something else to occupy your mind. My grandmother started volunteering at children’s church and local schools and libraries to still be around kids (she said it made her feel young) and schedule regular visits with your granddaughter
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I was raised in that kind of toxic environment except it was my mother. I was unhappy all the time and couldnt get out from under her thumb. The granddaughter needs to move where mother goes. To say you practically raised her when they didnt live to dar from you doesnt mean she is yours to have a say over. While she doesnt want to go, what teen wants to uproot and leave all she has known behind, itll help her grow as a person.
The fact that youve already predicted youll be sick or your marriage will ne ruined is toxic and you should seek help. Dont destroy your granddaughters or your husbands life for your selfishness. Let her go amd look forward to visits.
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Unless you have parental rights or guardianship of her, it’s not your choice, unfortunately.
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You need to let her have her life. Would you want her feeling tied to a person her entire life like you feel? Let her grow & experience without your input.
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Can your husband move with you? I know how you feel. I live with my grandson now and will for life.
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I sympathise with you but in a word that’s life.Youll just have to send her off with a smile no matter how.hard it is.We bring our children up to be strong and independent Some take a lot longer than others to arrive at that moment , but it sounds like your daughter is at that point in her life.It is cruel to get over emotional and say you will get I’ll etc if your granddaughter goes unfortunately the apron strings have to be cut.You need to have a life of your own.Emotional blackmail is the most selfish thing of all.Say goodbye with encouragement not tears so all concerned feel bad this is probably a.real exciting time for your daughter.You can go and visit I do with my youngest Son and his family he’s in Germany and I’m in the UK. I go once a year for 3 months now I’m retired.part of the experience is looking for the cheapest flights etc.and there also Zoom and what’s ap etc to talk on a daily basis.if not they will go anyway and you will know longer be welcome.You want them to look forward to seeing you not hate you.
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Well unless you have some sort of actual court awarded rights/guardianship it’s not “if you let her” anyway. & if Mom is capable of providing for the child then the child should be with mom regardless
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Im so sorry your going thru this. If she does move get the kindle that is made for Grandparents and you can at least now a days face time with her. You can set up a time everyday that you both can see each other over the video in live time and talk. Its not like having her there I know but it is a way to see her everyday. My heart goes out to you as i have been thru this when my son was on the military and moved his family across the country. It broke my heart. And the internet wasnt big yet. Video chat is better than nothing. You are in my prayers and hope it all works out for you both. ⚘
- You have to let her grow her own wings.
2)it sounds like you’re pretty unhappy and depressed in your marriage as it is, I would seek counseling or leave if you’re not happy.
3)You’ve successfully raised your babies (&babies babies) now it’s time for you to move on and spend some time for yourself. Find yourself and a life YOU want to live. Don’t just follow your children around their whole life.
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Husband forsaking all others
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You’re just the grandmother. You really have no say so where your granddaughter moves too.
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Okay, there is so muchhhh to unpack here. First off, she is your granddaughter, not your daughter. And as long as your daughter is taking care of her children you should be happy with her having her own life. And second off, I feel so terribly bad for your husband. You are willing to throw away what ever life you have with him to move just to be close to your daughter who wants her own life. I have to wonder if you even loved him or was it a marriage of convenience. These are all very toxic things you are doing and saying and I would highly suggest to speak with someone about them.
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I think this is confusing at best.
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Go
If your husband loves you he will follow
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If you don’t have custody of her its not your decision. It’s her mom’s. As much as my mom would miss my son if we moved it wouldnt be her decision.
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Not ur child. U really don’t have to “let” her ,it’s her moms decision.
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You sound more obssesed with this child then anything else a very unhealthy sick obsession
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Might just be me, but this doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship. Grandma, you don’t need your life and your health to be dependent on another person. Most everyone leaves the nest at some point and needs their own lives and that’s how it is supposed to be. Find somewhere else to focus your energy and love your family from whatever distance they choose.
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People are so quick to judge and be rude on here. Good lord
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There is absolutely nothing healthy about this situation whatsoever. I have a feeling mom is moving away for a reason.
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I think you need to go to counseling if you are having separation anxiety so bad u want to end your marriage. That’s not a healthy response. Kids grow up, situations change, you have to flow & accept the changes as they come… Not rearrange you entire life!!
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Your relationship with your granddaughter sounds very unhealthy. Might I suggest that if you love her and care for her as you say then you will respect whatever decision your granddaughter makes. Whether it be what you want or not. Perhaps turn your attention to your husband and that relationship. She will always be your granddaughter even if she moved to the other side of the world. Maybe a little counselling would help? Forcing your emotional state on to her will not and is not a healthy way of maintaining a relationship.
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The usual response on this page… DIVORCE!
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Mind your own damb business
Can’t stop her unless you have custody of her
Your her grandma lol back off.
It is very hard when a child moves away, even harder when grandchildren are involved. You have to let them go and know you raised them to be on their own. You can always visit.
My oldest son moved 6 hours away for work, taking my three grandbabies. It was rough for a bit not seeing them all every day but I visit and they visit me.