I feel like I failed as a mother…my kids didn’t like anything that I got for them…everything they opened they complained about (even though it was on their list months ago)…I couldn’t get them the expensive things that they wanted on their list…they asked me if they could go live with their dad today and I feel so defeated…should I just let them go?
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My husband told me when he was 7, his parents went all out for Christmas. New bike, skateboard, games etc and he complained about the color of his bike…and they went to every store and returned every single thing they bought for him and made him go with. He remembers that to this day. He’s 27 now. He said that was one of the biggest life lessons he learned about being grateful, appreciative and humble.
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When my son was 14 he wanted to go live with his dad. I let him. I got tired of hearing about it since he was 10. A father can teach young men things a mother can not. He came back after the school year ended, because I told him once he went he had to finish out the school year. It was hard for me to let him go, but I listened to what he wanted. So through his high school years he lived with his dad 2 years and with me 2. He flip flopped back and forth. It worked for him and he grew up to be an amazing young man loved & supported by so much by both all his parents. He is now 26 and thriving, living his best life. Sometimes what U want for your child isn’t what’s best for them. Blessing to U as you navigate this part of raising kids. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.
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Yep let them see the other side if they like mine they were calling back that night and never been ungrateful since
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If they genuinely want to live with dad and he is ok with it then why not ? Tell them they are always welcome in your home and if they want to live with dad that’s ok.
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Your feeling defeated right now! Don’t let your kiddos make you feel like that trust me I know it’s hard it happens here on the regular. Just remember your not supposed to be their best friend your supposed to be their mom your doing a great job!
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Yep let them go stay with their dad…oneday they will realise how hard you tried. Kids today are so entitled and ungreatful. Feel for you 
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Absolutely not……take their gifts back and explain that you’re giving their gifts to children who will be extra happy to have the gifts they listed months ago, my grandchildren said to me one year, “you get what you get, don’t get upset”, I asked where they learned that they said their mom taught them that there are a lot of children who get nothing, so the children who get your childrens gifts will be really happy, as going to live with their father, explain to them if he wanted to live with them he would have been trying to get them from the beginning of the separation and to quit acting spoiled and you’re all going to be just fine living with each other, then explain that even though they have hurt your feelings, you love them very much n leave it at that, they might think about the way they’re acting and notice how hard you’re working to make a stable home for all of you 
, good luck,
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Don’t let them live with their dad, and take everything away from them and they will soon learn. And that isn’t being mean. It will teach them a lesson about being grateful os ehat they’ve got! Also if their old enough to understand then speka to them about it and tell them you was unable to buy expensive gifts and they there is many if children out there that didn’t get a thing!
Same thoughts in my head.
What I keep in consideration is stability.
I know that my kids father father could give them “better” but I know I can give my kids stability.
Materlistic things are replaceable.
I couldn’t give my kids anything for Christmas, but I explained to them that having a place to call home was far more important then gifts.
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My parents do 1 big gift and a few smaller ones. I’d return everything and tell them if they can’t be greatful for what they got then they don’t get anything. And no, I wouldn’t let them go just because they can’t be greatful for what they got.
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No,don’t give into them you bought what you could afford at the time they got a roof over their heads food on the table running water to shower with don’t let them belittle you they could be like some kids and do without but you tried your best and they need to respect that and be happy 
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let them go they will return
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Sometimes mine express that they wish they had gotten the more pricey items they were telling Santa they were interested in.
I handle that at my house by reminding them that the big man gets us what he knows we need, he is magic after all! What we need in our soul. Stories and adventures, a way to see all the parts of the world, a way to enjoy time with siblings and cousins, a way to express our creativity, etc. I usually get mine, aged 1-8, things like books, science kits, a toy they can play pretend with their siblings, a character blanket or pillow, tattoo markers, puzzles, marble runs, a game to play with family, etc.
We don’t write wishlists to Santa. We tell him what we’re interested in. My 5 yo son told Santa all about how he loves to cook and he got a chef apron, hat, and kids cooking utensils.
Stay strong, Momma! 
Living within your means does not make you a bad mother. It takes a lot of work to teach this generation gratitude for what they have and teaching the value of what things are actually worth.
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You haven’t failed.
They’re being ungrateful and entitled.
If you give in, and let them go live with their dad, how will he treat them? Will he encourage that behaviour by giving them everything they ask for?
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Children who have been given to much are ungrateful. Take them somewhere, make some good memories, those last a lifetime. Your not a failure. Maybe he spoils them .
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No. Not because of a disappointing Christmas.
Now if it’s everyday day thing and they legit have reasons than maybe. My older son asked his bio mom at 8 if he could live with us full time because she couldn’t take care of him and he was truly feeling neglected and alone. But not just because things aren’t going their way
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Every day I get that feeling as well. I have sole custody of my kids were there donor isn’t allowed in my kids lives, but as I watch them grow my daughter 25 now has realized differently how life is, my 17 year old thinks he deserves the moon, the stars, and the water.
First and foremost, you just described an amazing Mom in describing what enormous effort and Love you put forth for your children to have a meaningful Christmas holiday. Second I know how incredibly terrible it felt for me when I pulled all I could for fall festivities and my older child was disappointed and let me know as such when I had to say we could not participate in some of the activities due to cost, so I can empathize with your pain from this. Now as far as the letting them live with their father, this is highly situation based. If you have a safe communication with their father let him know what happened and ask if he can take them for a small stretch of time(let’s say two weeks) it will allow them to feel heard and seen even if it is in heightened feelings. This also allows you some time to feel hurt rest and recover in a non continuous fight to have them see you are doing everything in their interest. This also gives them perspective on how living with Dad may be linear in experience. You are doing amazing Mama and whatever your decision is, you have made the best decision because you will when you love your kids as much as you do.
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This is only the beginning harsh reality at some point you’ll be told they hate you etc want their dad more how you shouldn’t have left each other how much its all your fault kids have nasty mouths it’s hurts and sound very ungrateful depending on ages I was saying anything over age 13 let them go if they younger then no they being brats you’ve bought presents they wanted put love and thought into a nice Xmas day for them x
I mean why not🤷🏾♀️ and nothing to do with gifts at all but if you honestly think you are failing and you want time to rebuild you for them it’s nothing wrong with that and doesn’t have to be a bad thing - I applaud the energy to seek some opinions parenting can be a battle it’s no rules in it don’t beat your mental up about gifts if they don’t like em take the gifts bk from kids and let them go with you to give them to a homeless shelter cause them kids WISHING for things and weren’t as able as your bbys. I pray your load is lightened and it works out
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I understand you’re feeling defeated and I would too because my feelings would be very hurt. But, they want to go live with their Dad because they don’t like what they got for Christmas? Um, no. This is extremely bratty behavior. I agree with what others said. You all go together and take everything back to the store or get it altogether and donate to children that got absolutely nothing for Christmas. I’m sorry but your kids desperately need a lesson in humility. They sound very entitled. After donating everything they got I would find a program for them to get involved in where they help out the less fortunate and I don’t mean just one time. Or, take everything back, get the money back, and buy something for yourself. Tell them how hard you worked to make this happen and tell them as an adult no one looks out for you or gets you gifts or gives you so much as a pat on the back, so you’re treating yourself. As a mother I’d be more worried about the kind of character they were developing if they felt comfortable asking to live with their father all because they were disappointed with their Christmas presents. Give them a reality check and tell them if their Dad wanted them to live with him then he would have been trying for that from the beginning. Take time to feel your disappointment, dry your tears, and then teach them some very important lessons that they’ve clearly missed along the way. Hang in there Mama 
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Nope, that sounds like the easy way out. Those kids need a lesson in humility. Take everything back to the store since they liked none of it and make them donate the money to someone less fortunate. Also, look for a soup kitchen in your area and sign them up to help. Do not give in to them. Turn this into a teaching moment and show them just how good they really have it.
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They’re kids. Don’t allow them to make you feel as though you’re failing, you’re not. Feel whatever you’re feeling and allow it to pass. Take away their presents if they’re being that ungrateful for them. Have the dad visit and whatever, I would not let my kids stay with their dad but that’s your choice. You know that man better than we do. If it’s a safe place for them to be, it’s totally up to you. Next year, I’d make those kids “earn” their presents instead of just demanding and expecting them and being that ungrateful for your time and effort into getting those gifts.
Let them go to their dad
they will soon realise
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side
I can almost guarantee you
They will want to come back
You haven’t failed Moma
Your kids need to learn to be great full for what they got
Please don’t let them become a fully fledged members of the self entitled generation
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It sounds like they’re ungrateful. I’d take everything away and telll them when they deserve it they can have it back.
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Wow, terribly ungrateful kids, so sad. Never feel defeated though, you can’t allow them to see that in you as a parent.
There are many better reasons to be held hostage by instead of dissatisfied children, tell them your sorry about their christmas gift fantasies not materializing so next year we’ll not do gifts and instead volunteer at the childrens hospital or a homeless shelter
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Yeah let them go. Enjoy your freedom.
No, sounds like a good opportunity to parent and teach.
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Yup let them go, won’t be long and they will want to come back.
Pack there bags and drop them at his door.
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Find your spine and teach them a lesson, forcefully but not by yelling. Take their presents back & sign them up for a program to help the less fortunate, especially kids/families programs in underserved communities,
Some ideas: Homeless shelters, Meals on Wheels, helping with free ESOL classes (often at churches), food banks, preparing and delivering meals for the homeless, tour a prison, play games with folks at a lower end nursing home or juvenile detention facility (not sure if this is possible), help a coach with a soccer or other sports team in a non-affluent neighborhood, packing supplies to go to third world countries, helping refugees resettle, working with people who are disabled (Special Olympics, Disabled American Veterans, helping with adaptive classes at the local Rec Center), fixing up houses with Christmas in April, Habitat for Humanity, etc.
Your kids are complacent and entitled and need to be shocked out of their selfishness/pickiness. If you’re a member of a religious community with mission trips to poor countries, orphanages, or places devastated by fire, flood, or or extreme weather events, send them.
My kids going to New Orleans to help clean up after Katrina (even 3 years later) and to Our Little Roses orphanage in Honduras for abused, abandoned and neglected girls was eye opening for them. Usually there are fundraisers for kids who couldn’t otherwise afford to go on these trips. Bonus if your kids have to work to raise the money so they know the value of both.
Next Christmas help Toys for Tots shop for and wrap presents, or shop for and help deliver baskets of food to families experiencing hardship or poverty through a local program (sometimes police or fire stations or churches do this.
You’ll be building the hood citizens of tomorrow and giving your children the gifts of humility and gratefulness.
No, just because they were upset with their presents is ridiculous, I say take back everything you got them and they get nothing
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I completely understand how you feel. As a mom of 5, I’ve had my fair share of ridiicule from my own kids. It really hurts… but you do have to realize that kids are pretty selfish and you have not failed. I’d tell them if they really don’t like their gifts, you’d be happy to donate them. If they don’t jump on that, then you know they must like them it’s just a manipulation to get more or something larger and more expensive. See, what Dad says about this BS. Would he be logical or onboard with their crap?
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Why are you doing that? Your children should be thankful for what you got and the effort you put in. Take away what you got. You are the adult here. Even if I didn’t get expensive stuff, my children would still be thankful so I’d personally take everything and why would you just be like yes live with your dad because you’re being brats lol
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This is what happens when you spoil them
I’d be returning or donating everything they own except necessities. They can even sleep on the floor. Have them volunteer in homeless shelters, food pantries etc with you so they can see kids who have nothing.
NO! Don’t let them control you, grow up and be a parent.do you have legal custody, is visitation, set, is child support set, NO!!! How old are they…
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Where in the post does it say the Father bought them expensive gifts? What’s wrong with the kids wanting to live with their Father? Why is it always assumed that the Mother is the ONLY suitable parent the kids should live with? I hate that good Dad’s
always get the short end of the stick just because they didn’t carry the kid for 9 months.
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Absolutely not you need to teach them how to be grateful, have them volunteer at a shelter, feed the homeless or visit a children’s orphanage. Maybe then they turn their attitudes around
They sound ungrateful. Take them to a soup kitchen and serve those who got NOTHING for Christmas.
Gotta be more to it as your kids arent just going to leave whose supposed to be there #1 there Momma over Christmas gifts smh come on…
No they learn not to be so disrespectful
Because they did not like their gifts ? ….heck NO , all you have to do is to return or to give away the presents.
If my daughter do something like that she will not get any gifts me next year as a lesson
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Nope. And if it was me I’d take everything you did get them back. Duck them kids and their nasty attitudes. Don’t deserve a damn thing.
No, Just ungrateful little shits they get more then what we ever did.
My son was allowed to go to either parents whenever he wanted to! It wasn’t an issue, he loved us both the same…and just went wherever he wanted, and to whoever he wanted! Never stressed from making a decision and hoping he didnt upset the other one!!! My son is very well rounded!
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Nope! You are doing just fine mama. If it weren’t for you they wouldn’t have gotten anything to open. If they were mine I’d just gently remind them that they need to just be thankful they have a momma that tried her best and looked over there list and tried. They could of gotten fruits and nuts like many did years ago. Im sure there is other kids that asked for only 1 thing for Christmas this year A Momma. And one like you so many would do anything to have. And so your kiddos should just be grateful they have a loving momma that cared enough to put those wish list items under that tree. You may or may not hear it but They will thank you later. Hold your head up and know you tried give them that gentle reminder and let the rest sort its self out. You got this!! 
2 of my boys were a little like that complaining & not following the rules & they both said bout going to live with their father( this is dad that never gave them Christmas:santa:presents.) They couldn’t wait to come back home. I sent them separately both were not happy & wanted to come home. It may be hard to let them go, however they do need to follow boundaries and respect you:100:
Best thing that I ever did.
Went through this with my 16year old. He thought life would be better at dads, bc when he visits for summer he gets special treatment bc he’s only there for so long. He quickly realized that is not what he wanted. We agreed if he enrolled in school, he had to finish the year before I even considered him moving back home. It lasted one school year and he was back home.
Sometimes they think the grass is greener on the other side, if they are old enough to make that choice then I say sit them down and talk with them - give them a time frame, 6 months if they still want that after the 6 months give it a try.
I agree I would bag everything up and say I’ll give it to someone who would love it . Time for some tough love !!
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Sure, why not? Children should be able to live with either parent regardless of reason as long as they will be safe & cared for there. They may also need a reality check & a short lesson on how money & priorities work.
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Yes. Give them a taste of reality…
Yep let them go you did nothing wrong they will come back
nah let them stay with you and take all the gifts back.
I’d let them go if that’s what they want, they’ll come back eventually.
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Have them take the new gifts and give them to someone less fortunate and say maybe next time you will appreciate it a little more. There is obviously a reason they don’t already live with dad so take that into consideration. But maybe if you two can handle it better co parenting might help you and the kids out. But if it will just make the situation worse then remember you did the best you could and if they don’t appreciate it remember that and don’t try so hard on the gift giving. Gifts aren’t everything memories are!
No I’d take everything back and teach them a lesson.
You didn’t HAVE TO buy them anything BUT you did. So they should be grateful!
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Talk to their dad and explain why they want to live with him. Y’all can work together and show them the grass is not ever greener on the other side. The problem with most kids today they feel entitled. My 13yr old knows if he showed ungratefulness for anything he wouldn’t have anything.
What did Dad get them them Christmas? Or did he not buy them anything? Just because they live with you didn’t mean he couldn’t buy gifts for his Christmas. My mom and dad when we were growing up would split the list and of course buy what they could afford. Dad even came over to have Christmas with us even though they were divorced. Not saying he didn’t buy anything but if he has the money and knew you were struggling he could have helped. Not approving your kids behavior just remind them that Dad could have helped already but chose not to so what is going to be different if they lived with him.
If he’s a good father…sure why not
Yes. If they want to live with dad let them.
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A good father wouldn’t let his children go without.So if it’s just because they didn’t get what they wanted for Christmas no. If you provide what they need daily and a safe home then they need a reality check.
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I can tell you’re a great mom! I also mean this in the nicest way ever, you need to quit drowning in your feelings and be a parent to them, instead of trying to give in to their wild demands just cause they didn’t get the expensive stuff. You are their PARENT!!! They don’t get to dictate where they wanna live just cause they didn’t get what they wanted. There are literally people out there who got zero things cause their parents are legitimately broke. There are families out there whose utilities got cut off cause they can’t afford to pay them. You need to be a parent and teach them a lesson about being humble and grateful or your kids are gonna grow up feeling and acting entitled. They’re gonna grow up and be like “oh mom can’t do this or that for me ok ima just throw a tantrum and go live with dad” like that doesn’t work. This is why we’re having the issues we are with the generations coming. They act and feel so entitled, because of stuff like this. They just throw fits and parents give into them. You’re the mom, you’re the parent, tell them too bad so sad.
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Nope do not. You’ll never get them back or it’ll be a big battle in court to try and get them back
Kids today are being taught to get what they can from everyone. Kids need to learn to work for what they want and be thankful for what they get. I wouldn’t let them live with dad. Start teaching them morals and humility. Take them to church and get religion in their lives. You better get control before it’s too late
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Absolutely not. These are children who are thinking like children. Unless there is a valid reason why their father would better care for them, this would not be a good reason for that arrangement. I know that must have hurt your feelings, but it’s something that will pass. What I WOULD do, is work on their gratitude and what it means to appreciate the things they have/are given. There are children who have nothing and these kids received things that they asked for and probably were not in need of—maybe start by explaining that to them and encouraging them to donate some toys they are no longer interested in? Creating empathy for those with less may be a good start to them developing their own gratitude.
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No. Kids are kids. They are playing both sides of the fence. If you do let them go, set some boundaries. If you let them go, tell them they can’t come back home until back until end of school year. If you cave because they threaten you with this, they will use it for leverage to get you to do what they want and make you feel guilty.
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Take the stuff back. Tell them when they appreciate they can have it back. Don’t feel like failure. Regroup and teach them. My kid did that once we had discussions on how it hurts people’s feelings because they spent time and effort and hard earned money in gifts they didn’t have to gift… So she needs to be grateful for what she did get. We often talk about how there are kids out there that get nothing. I grew up with nothing. I didn’t have Christmas the way my kid has it. So she knows she is very lucky girl. I often feel like I fail my kid. But I can’t imagine not have her in my life 24/7. Pick yourself up. Shake it off. And teach those kids a lesson. Get them nothing for birthdays and see how they feel.
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when my son was old enough & he also asked if he can live with his da, I let hime, He came back home within a home & changed his mind, But my kids NEVER complained with whatever I got them for their birthday or Christmas, Money was tight & they knew it,
They sound like spoiled brats.
Are they wanting to go live with Dad only because they are unhappy with their Christmas gifts or have they asked prior to Christmas? When I divorced my kids father I chose to leave. My kids were 11 and 14. I gave them the choice of where they wanted to live.they, of course, chose their Dad because that was familiar. Within a few months my 14 year old asked to come live with me and my son followed about a year later. He didn’t like changing schools so he moved back to finish out elementary school but eventually came back. I don’t think children should be forced to live where they aren’t happy. But, if they are just mad because their gifts weren’t good enough, I agree with everyone saying take them back.
“Live with their day today”
Seems like you’re using the word live to be dramatic…
Yeah they should see their dad on a holiday……
Their ungrateful attitude is all about how they’re being raised…
They are playing you against each other. Take everything to the bare bones and let them be ungrateful for a min. Tell ex to do the same thing. This is one area you 2 need to stand united together. Gotta teach them now they can’t Olay you guys.
Don’t let them go to their dad. Because they may feel like you don’t care and don’t want them around. Talk to them. Try not to give them a bunch of presents in the future. Teach them to be grateful whatever they get. Kids need love and their parents present not Presents.
All good suggestions….please update us as to what you decide… you sound like a good Mama to me……
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Teach your kids how to appreciate things and nothing comes for free. Enabling their behavior will only raise spoiled brats. Hold your fort and stand your ground. If they don’t appreciate it, take it all back and give them nothing.
Depends! How old are the kids? Do they want to go bc they’re mad? There’s things to consider before saying yes or no!
So because you struggled to get them the expensive presents for Christmas they want to live with their father? They need to be shown how well they have it as some kids didn’t get anything this year and some kids don’t even have a family or a home, you should bring you kids up to be grateful for what they have, you haven’t failed at all
My kids said "that’s it?"at my family’s Christmas get together after opening a few gifts. I don’t break the bank for Xmas since these boys have a room overflowing of stuff. When we got home I put everything they got in a bag and told them if they didn’t like the stuff then I’ll keep it for myself. My 7 year old been watching me play Luigi’s mansion on his switch 
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nope because then you are giving in to what they want. and need to learn they have to deal with what have and can get from u in life otherwise never learn lifes lessons.
Every Christmas before I ask my kids what they want I remind them that there are lots of good kids in this world who don’t get anything so even if you get 1 present it’s a great Christmas, we always give back and bless others cause we are forever blessed, I remind them it’s Christmas in our house everyday we work hard for everything we provide for our children and sometimes needs to be reminded
I’m sorry they did that to you, they need a lesson in respect u worked hard to give them what u did, the grass isn’t always greener x
They sound like ungrateful brats that needs a dose of reality. Take everything back.
You’re doing the best you can, they just need some tough love,
Nope make em stay and take all your shit back too! Let em feel what it feels like to wake up to nothing at all!!!
If I gave my uncut version of my answer, I would probably be removed from the group. Because ain’t no way.
Wow! I can not believe the number of comments that promote punishment.
These children are hurting, not knowing how to handle that they are lashing out at their mother. I pray that the parents can work harmoniously to build a sense of security for these children.
Let them go ,let them see for themselves it may not be what they wanted even though they asked for it ,my mother didn’t let my brother go with our dad when he he cheated when he begged to go with him ,she even tricked him into changing his mind by offering something she never gave in return for staying with her and it’s the one thing my brother resents her for most til this day ,I think if she had let him go ,he would’ve realized mama is here home is after all first and foremost and would’ve came back home bc of how our dad is .
Because they didn’t like their Christmas gifts? 
They sound ungrateful
Okay I’m not a fan of all the comments saying take the Christmas presents back, for the simple fact it is going to make them feel they are in trouble for asking to live with dad and their punishment is losing all of their new stuff. I would say tell them it’s an open conversation you can have, and you want to hear their reasoning and opinion. If they have some legit reasons of wanting to move to dads, go for it, if not just tell them they need some time to sit on it, and you will revisit the conversation in a few days.
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No ! You can’t always get what you want! That’s not an excuse for them to go live with another parent ! Next time they don’t get nothing.
If he’s safe and is a good environment. Do it for a short amount of time. See how it goes.
I would never want to be separated from my children but I also know that some people growing hating one parent and wishing they had lived with the other. Or living in two places and knowing the more structured one was better, or your parenting style didn’t fit.
Hope I never land in that situation, I’d def cry.
Some children of divorce behave like this. With dad they are perhaps allowed more and perhaps they are not there as often. The saying “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” fits wonderfully here. (I don’t know if you use it like that in English )
let them go to daddy. When they are with him every day, they will notice that the rules remain the same and it wasn’t any worse with you
Nope. I’d be taking every dang thing back, tho.
They sound spoiled and ungrateful. Maybe you teach them that kids have less all over.
Well, as soon as life isn’t perfect with Dad, they’ll want to come back to you…a perpetual pissing contest and teaching the children to manipulate to get things they want is not good. Sounds like they need a good talking to. Is this the first instance or an ongoing thing?
Trash what they received with them watching, forget next years, send to dad day before Christmas. Or, raise a group of spoiled brats. Your choice. I only had to throw away one toy for mine to learn a valuable lesson and all 3 were younger than 5.
Send them they will want to come back 
No, kids need to learn to appreciate the things they get/have or they become spoiled and think that if tbey complain about everything, that they will get it and that’s not how the world works.
Sure let them try it I’m sure they will be back but leave everything that u got them at ur house