Hi, I’d like to post an anonymous question - my son’s father has been absent most of his life. He pays his support but only sees him once or twice a year. This is the longest he’s gone without seeing him (18 months.) he recently texted and said he wants to take our son on vacation, and he also wants to start seeing him regularly. I am hesitant. Our custody agreement says his visitation is at my Discretion… should I deny him the trip? They’re basically strangers (he’s only six). There’s more to the situation, but I don’t feel comfortable sending him for days with people he hasn’t seen in two years. What would you do in this situation?
I personally would not send my child on vacation with someone they didn’t know. Father or not, his dad needs to start small with him
Make peace with it and let them have a relationship… They have to start somewhere.
Noooooo way. This sounds like a criminal investigation waiting to happen.
If the dad is healthy and not on drugs or somehow a danger then I’d say let him spend time with his dad. You have a custody agreement so its not like he can just take him and not give him back right?
Nope, he needs to start seeing him first. Build a relationship and prove he’s going to apart of his life. Then reconsider once dad has done this
You answered your own question. You don’t feel comfortable. You’re the mother you know whats best.
I personally probably would not let him go because after 18 months letting him go away for a vacation would be a bit stressful for the child but you could start at a middle ground and after he’s had him consistently you could let him go for an extended visit?
I’d say no to vacation. If he really wants to turn things around he needs to start seeing his son regularly. Become apart of his life. Then maybe by next year you and your child would be more comfortable with it.
I’d be very wary. He may not come back. I’ve seen it happen.
This is rough to answer without all the info. How’s the father? How’s his life? Without knowing that all I can say is go with your gut feeling. And maybe ask your son how he feels about it?
Its his dad let him go
I would say NO. Parents who come and go out of their children’s life affect their children. Its not healthy!
Nope, wouldn’t let him go.
Id make him take me with if it was my kid.
I think if he was serious about taking his son on vacation then he should try to establish a relationship with him before he just goes off on a vacation with him we all know how stressful vacation can be if he really wants that relationship he would understand you can’t just pick and choose when you want to be a parent
I would not send him. They need to have a bond and trust before I would allow any of that. No contact in 18 months and he wants to take your child away from you, if that isn’t a red flag I don’t know what is
Let them meet for often? For sure! Start by taking a vacation? Hmm that just seems like too much too fast.
Let him go with his dad he’s making a attempt to be in his life. I know it hard when they aren’t in the life enough. If you hold him back from going it can damage the relationship even more. Go with if you are concerned about his well being
Nope… nope… if he did visit him before at couple times that would be different story but 18 months??? Nope
I wouldn’t let him go on the vacation I’d encourage visits with him regularly or even a good few visit before hand, he should understand that after that long you can’t come and ask for a vacation but definitely wouldn’t stop him from visiting and encouraging them first
Could you join them? I’d want to know his motives for this change in behavior. I agree with Aspen, he should develop more of a relationship first before you send your son with him. How long is the vacation? At 6 wouldn’t he be homesick & missing you? Have you asked your son what he would like? Who else will be on the trip & where are they going? I’d think twice about it what with so many unvaccinated people still out there also. You don’t need him bringing that back to you. Even if you are vaccinated, you can get sick.
I’d say no to vacation atm, until he proves hes there to stay, by having regular visits and getting to know his son properly x
I wouldn’t let him take him for vacation, but tell him if he wants to take him on a future vacation then he needs to start doing his visitation
No sounds too sketchy and too many red flags- if its a local vacation maybe offer to bring your son for a visit on the weekend and stay… 6 is too young to be put in a situation like that with strangers
Talk to your son follow your gut I probably wouldn’t let mine
Let him go. He’s six I’d make sure he called me everyday to check in and see how it was working out
I wouldn’t let him take him
I say let him go . He wants to make the effort to bond and build a relationship.
How about you talk to your son about it and see if he wants to go because if he wants to go you should let him go so he can spend some time with his dad. His dad is paying support and wants to start seeing him more so he should have some right. If he didn’t care he wouldn’t be asking to see him more.
Nope not going if it was me
Ya no I would start out slow make sure he’s consistent and explain to him that u can work up to a vacation depending on how consistent he is in his son’s life and the relationship that can get established but to go on a vacation without consistency in your son’s life that’s just a kidnapping waiting to happen not including taking your son out of his comfort zone with somebody he barely knows
Do you live far away from each other? Do you feel like he would be harmed or something?
Not on vacation just yet. He needs to build a relationship and trust first
There is no way i would let my child go with a man that he doesn’t know. Too many babies are being stolen or killed in today’s world. He’s been absent to long. Tell him to try again in a few years if he sticks around.
I would let him go. Better late than never
I’d deny it. Doesnt come around for 18 months and then wants to take him wherever he wants ? Helll no .
Once he proves he will see him regularly and your son is more comfortable around his father and anyone around him then a vacation should be okay but your right not feeling comfortable so imagine your son.
Id say no to the vacation at this point. Hed need to prove himself.
I could see letting him see him and what not but I sure as hell wouldn’t allow my kid to go anywhere overnight with a stranger
Definitely not. I wouldn’t even let my child’s father start keeping him for whole weekends right away… he started with 1 over night and after he got used to that then we upped it to all weekend. If I was you, I’d say he absolutely could take him on a vacation after he establishes a relationship & keeps up on his regular visitation days.
I wouldn’t let him take him on the trip. I would start with little visits here and there to make sure he’s serious about wanting to be around and take anything else from there.
I would have him meet everyone involved. And go by your sons actions on if he’s scared of them.
Have him put it in writing before you OK the trip. But suggest alternative safe times to protect your child!
I would ask who is going with him??
Trust your gut. I wouldn’t start with the vacation. If he actually wants to start seeing him regularly, work out a schedule and go from there. Then, if he’s consistent, and gets to know that side well enough, then let him go for the vacation. I definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable letting one of mine go on a vacation away from me with people they hardly know.
In my opinion NO he needs to show that his going to be more active before he is trusted with a vacation . It’s very sketchy like why now? I guess I watch to much tv shows but this could be one of those situations where he runs off with your son .
I’d let him go but only if he builds up the relationship to seeing him every other weekend for a couple of months first
My ex wanted the same thing but when I told him I wanted to know where she was and who she was going to be around, I shit you not he said “you don’t need to know where she is” she was six at the time as well. She didn’t go.
Not a prayer…No way!!
It’s kind of sketchy that he hasn’t seen his son in over a year and now all of a sudden he wants to just take him on vacation.
Go with your gut momma! After 18 months not seeing him and now he wants to take him on a vacation!! Custody agreement or not if he decides to run it could take you forever to get your baby back!! If the dad is serious about wanting to see him more that’s great! But a dad who can go 18 months without seeing his child needs to prove he really wants to be a dad all of the time not just when it’s convenient!! I personally would not let your son go!
I don’t think I would trust this situation
Would he bring him back??
I’d say no. Maybe once he starts seeing him regularly for a while a trip can be discussed but not before.
Red flag on the play. Get to know the child better and be consistent for visiting. Then maybe a trip in a year.
I would not let him go because not in life on regular basis.i have a older daughter who hasn’t seen her dad sense she was between 3and5 saw when wanted asked spending nights i was like no was supposed see 2 days a week and does not see now and almost 26
So what’s stopping him from seeing his kid regularly now? The dad needs to build a bond so your kid feels safe and loved And comfortable with his dad first before going by himself. Don’t send him.
I wouldn’t send my 6 year old with basically strangers. If he wants a relationship with the child then he needs to form one, then worry about vacations.
I wouldn’t allow it. The boy doesn’t know the dad or anyone else. And frankly you can’t even trust he’s going to bring him back.
He’s only 6 there’s plenty of time for them to build a stronger relationship. This vacation would be a start. If he’s not abusive or a drug addict let him go.
Of course, think of your child. If he’s safe and has no violent history let him go. If he was good enough to creat an child with than he should be good enough to help raise him. My ex has made some terrible choices but loves his kids and was absent for years. He wants to take our kids any where I’ll pack a lunch and give them spending money.
Crazy times, go with your gut!
I wouldn’t. If it’s far away. But offer him (maybe) a vacation that’s closer to home. In case anything happens or your child is not comfortable.
He’s 6 and hasnt seen him in 18 months so he was 4 the last time he saw him. He probably barely remembers him so I would say NO. After 18 months he wants to take him on an extended trip? Doesnt sound right to me. I would tell him he would have to start seeing him on a regular basis and try 1 overnight and go from there.
Yikes. Everything in me would think he was just trying to run off with him. He needs to understand that he has to build trust and a relationship with both of you. He needs to have a parental partnership relationship with you and he hasn’t done that. He hasn’t earned the right to take him. I’d say no. Start off by telling him you want him to see a therapist with your son to reintroduce. 18 months is along time.
Ask your son how he feels about it and maybe take that into account. And where he wants to go, and for how long and all that jazz. And if the vacation is far enough out, maybe see if he sees him more regularly before
I would not to be honest as he has been absent for 18 months. You have no details about this vacation or what his dad has been up to all this time from what you have said. I would never allow this and trust your gut my advice deny the trip until he can prove visits are going to be more regular.
Everyone is saying let him go as if it’s about the father. This is a child who has not seen this man for almost 2 years, so basically a stranger. I don’t know anyone that would let their child 6 or 16 go with someone that they don’t know, and/or hasn’t had a relationship with. This is ONLY about the child and if the father was about his child he’d have been seeing his son and building a bond/relationship. Until you as the mother and your child feel comfortable and you both feel safe about it, why even consider it? Mom’s always question whether we’re making the right decision(s) for our children, sometimes we are and sometimes we aren’t, but it sounds like you already know what the right decision is for your son right now.
Good luck momma!
I would tell him that he is basically a stranger to your son and he needs to establish a relationship with him before there are ANY overnight visitations.
To be honest, no. I wouldn’t let him go. Especially because the court states visitations are at YOUR discretion. That’s kind of a red flag that he’s not stable. And also the fact that he hasn’t seen your son since he’s 4, you’re son might not even remember him and itll traumatize your son going away with a stranger. I agree with everyone else saying that if his visits are frequent and consistent and after a few overnights then after a good amount of time he can take him on a vacation. Honestly the audacity of this guy is kinda irritating me. Does he not care about his child’s well-being or feelings? Did he not consider that after of 18 months of not being present his child might not feel comfortable or safe around him? He thinks he can choose when it’s convenient for him to be a father? Nope. Sorry.
Uh no. I would compromise with him and say next year if he’s been regularly seeing his son, but no long term trips with a relative stranger
I would not let him go away with him. He doesn’t even know your child.
its still his father, i would let him go. my childrens dad hasent seen them in about a year because hes been in jail, but if he asked to take then on vacation i would let him! idk maybe i just parent different?
If it were my 6 year old. And I’ve been in this situation with my now almost 12 year old…it would be a clear noooo. Build a relationship first. If he’s a stranger to your son…he is to you as well. This has sketchy written all over it. Don’t do it momma.
I want to know why he’s been absent and where they would be going. Depending on that info I’d think about it. Definitely agree to letting him see him more but the vacation I would be hesitant depending on if its out of state. Never let him know concerns just in case he tries to lie. You know what I would be worried he’s lieing and try and run off with him especially since he has a sudden interest in seeing him more. My instincts tell me no for thr Vaca but yes for more visitation. If he even holds his end to that. Compromise tell him of he agrees to more visitation he can go on a vacation with him in the future.
I would 1st have him start coming to see him near home as they can get to know each other again. My personal opinion would be my to let him go anywhere out of state at the moment. Sounds fishy to me after 18 months
Dont. Once he becomes a more steady parent than maybe but I would go with my gut and say no to the vacation.
I’d say hold off on the vacation until he spends time with him on a regular basis. They need to build a relationship before just sending him off with his father that hasn’t been in his life for a good while.
If he’s a stranger to your son then I would say no. He needs to be consistent and make your son comfortable before he gets privileges like vacation time.
Nope, don’t allow him to take him away,… he needs to spend time with him supervised until the boy gets to know him better and he stays in his life more than a short period of time.
No no and no to the vacation
Who’s all going? I just let my kids go with there absence father to Mexico but his mom brothers and friends all went as well and I trust him mom and brother more then him only reason they were allowed to go
Go with if possible!
Having gone through a similar situation, I’d say a Big [email protected] No!!
If he honestly wants to see him more and build a relationship with your son, he can start coming for supervised visits. Build to seeing him on his own and then for longer periods.
It’s all up to you Momma. You and your son need to be comfortable with this.
Heck no. They are bascially strangers after that amount of time. Parent or not if he wasn’t involved the kids wouldnt feel comfortable with them. Also a giant red flag that the first time he wants to see him again they want to take him on vacation. I’d be worried about getting your kid back after.
Dont risk it. If he wanted to be a parent he wouldn’t been gone nearly 2 years
If you don’t feel comfortable than absolutely not!!! Momma senses are real!
Absolutely not. Can you imagine how your son would feel going on vacation with someone he barely knows? I would start slow with visitations and go from there.
I would not let my child go… my oldest bio has never been in his life and everytime he told me he wanted to I told him take me back to court if he was serious because I won’t let them meet just for him not to come back around for another few years… he never did and eventually signed his rights over to get child support dropped
I personally would have frequent visitations, if you feel that it’s safe (idk the situation at hand), before letting him go on a long trip anywhere with him… that’s just me. That way they can reconnect and not be complete strangers first and so I could ask my child if they were comfortable doing so…
If he only sees your aunt Susan or cousin Jerry at Christmas and Easter, would you let one of them take him on vacation? If the answer is no, then it should be no for his father.
No way. You don’t know his intentions either for suddenly wanting to take him on vacation after 2 years. And 6 years old is to young to make the decision.
I would tell him once he starts seeing him regularly for a while like he says he wants to then he can schedule a vacation until then my answer would be no
I would not send him. Not till the father establishes steady visits and a relationship.
He needs regular visits then maybe a vacation would be a good idea.
Wow this be any different if he only saw the kid this amount of time because he lived out of state or out of the country.
Deny the trip but be open to him stepping up. Tell him he needs to prove he’s going to stay around and have a relationship with your son. Eventually he can work up to unsupervised visits and then overnights
I would make him spend a few weekends before vacation and then ask your son if hes comfortable with the situation
Sorry, but FUCK no. Absolutely not. Open up visitation, but do NOT send your child with him
The main question is does your son even feel comfortable they may have to get reacquainted before taking off on vacation. He’s too young. I wouldn’t keep him from him though. See what happens and if he sticks to what he says about being in his life more