Nope !! You are right !!
MIL needs to mind her own business.
Let her and trust her to handle her self n to b respected or else she will do shit behind ur back n not b able to go to u for that motherly advice
ur mil should mind her own business
Tell mil to butt the f*ck out! These arenât her kids so she has NO say on how theyâre raised! PERIOD!
Another jealous mil.
Well she is your business
Stick to your guns!!! YOU are the PARENTS and YOU know what is BEST!!!
To me, her being boy crazy is even more reason to make her wait to date.
By imposing restrictions like this I feel you are stopping her from learning valuable lessons. Kids learn so much about themselves about risks about values and what they donât want through relationships. Whether they be romantic or friendships or colleagues. Would you not want your child to feel they are free to talk to you and discuss with you and be open. If you restrict too much they will only do it behind your back and you wonât have that honest connection with your child. Just my thoughts.
they arenât the parents so they can take their opinions and raise their ownâŚthat said if the oldest waited til 16 which I think is a good age then it should be no different for the youngestâŚif she donât like it she can wait til she 18 I mean either she accepts it and respects it or it can go another wayâŚyour doing a good job by the wayâŚ
Stick to your beliefs if your oldest could not date till she was 16 then that same rule should apply. Parenting should be a fair thing and if you let her date early your oldest is going to have issues . I would not care what others think. You raise your children equality . Her being boy crazy would make me want to enforce that rule. She is your child not mil and mil should be ashamed to have laid a guilt on you. Stay strong in your beliefs.
If you husband is on your side regarding the MIL then no need to argue with her ⌠she isnt the parent and trying to justify your parenting decision is actually giving her a say.
Your daughter doesnt need permission to date she already is. Lost control over that. If she wants to have sex she will find a way even if she is having sex in a bush ⌠they find a way. It is obvious she cannot make good decisions for herself so at this point focus on educating her. For starters educate her on not telling grandma secrets but she will just announce it to the whole family. You donât have to encourage her to date (allowing her to go out with him to movies etc) but you have to be realistic that she will be in relationships ⌠you want to be the one she is honest with not the person she hides things from.
Teens will experiment will everything that is why as parents we have to be able to help them through it. A teen will sneak and lie to âfit inâ if you have a open honest nonjudgmental relationship with your teen and guide them you will be fine in whatever choice you make in how to raise your child! You are the parent and have to decide what is best. As a parent myself I was very very particular in what my kids did as teens but also had the hard discussions with them and explained why I made my decisions what my experience was and how those choices would effect their future. But as a grandparent now I see things a little different and it takes all I have not to step in a tell my child how to parent but in my eyes my grandchildren are little angels and would never make a bad decision!! So its very hard we walk a fine line.
Your child your responsibility. Everyone else needs to mind their own business. If you feel she is not mature enough, then stick to your plan. Consider talking about going out with a group of friends. Consider having someone, close to the family like minded, talk to her. Kids donât want to listen to parents. They will listen to someone who is not mom or dad. I have been that figure and those kids have done well.
Keep the conversation going, use the situation as a learning tool. Grandma had no right violating a young girls trust. Talk about Trust, just Talk.
Hang in thereâŚyou are doing the right thing.
Nope I donât need no Bebes kids. They donât date till 17 n a half. No exceptions.
How is a mother in law going to tell you to stay out ur kids business are u serious? Thatâs how kids end up 16 & pregnant
I believe the the MiL has good intentions but she may not be showing it in the best way. If you donât let them do, theyâll sneak and do it anyway so itâs better to be more lax with dating and keep an open line of communication. My parents were super strict with me when I was a teenager and I ended up losing my virginity at 16. So just keep in mind the tighter you pull the leash, the more sheâll sneak to do whatever it is she isnât getting to do. Not saying encourage sex but education goes a long way with teenagers. Show them videos of real childbirth, sexual diseases etc. to mortify them but also to educate them so when theyâre in the heat of the moment they can recall those images and make good decisions. Also I would be putting her on birth control ASAP.
Be careful, donât want to give them a reason to go stray.
I started dating my boyfriend at 16 and weâre now 29. I understand being protective but you do realise if you donât let her grow up and do things, she will start to hide stuff from you. Just a thought. Good luck with it all xx
No your smart cause the way she sounds sheâll end up pregnant sorry
You absolutely do right. Especially in this day and age. If he was good enough for your daughter he would have waited til she was 16 to be able to go out and do her own thing. Instead he cheated on her x
Stick to your guns mom. Not a thing wrong with protecting your kids
I started dating my now husband at 15. Iâm 25 now we have a 2 year old and a 6 month old. My Mom let me go to his house with his parents there and he was able to come to my house and when I turned 16 and started driving we just dated and did whatever we felt like doing. I just had a curfew of midnight. I turned out fine. Some of my friends who had stricter parents got into a lot of trouble that I didnât get into growing up.
Your doing it right!!! Children donât need to date at 15, they need to learn social skills at that age before being in that type of relationship so that they can handle adult situations better.
I would set boundries with MIL and you make the rules. 16 is fair in my opinion. Youâre doing everything right. If thatâs what you and your husband agreed on, thatâs what you agreed on! ⌠I donât have teenagers yet, but my parents let me date at 15âŚand they ALWAYS went with me. To the movies, the fairâŚetc. they let us have a lil space, but those were their rules, and looking back, I know they did it because they love me.
I think 15-16 is good with rules.
If she could talk to her mother about these things, she wouldnât have to talk to your mother-in-law. I met my husband when he was 14 and I was 16. We married at 20 and 18 and are still together going on 14 years married with three beautiful children. Set your boundaries, get to know the boy, but the more you try to keep her from boys, the more she will gravitate toward any boy that will have her.
We let the our kids at 14 to date with supervised adults. We usually was us. But at 16 they were let out if supervision. They had curfews and my hubby always told them if they broke his trust it was hard to get back. They are all married with kids now. We had ups and downs but we got theu it
I feel like you watching your kids & being on top of them, is what parents are SUPPOSED to do. Keep doing what you and hubby think is best!
Youâre doing it right! I wish my mom was over protective of me at that age, I canât even tell you how many days I woke up in a field or someone elseâs house as a teen wondering how I got there, it all starts at home! Iâm going to be very strict about my kids dating too all dates will be chaperoned until I feel theyâre both mature enough to be alone. My husband says Iâm being ridiculous about it but I know what happens when you leave teens by themselves
That is your child. Please do not let other people dictate how you parent. That isnât fair to the oldest who has already done it. That is your rule and you should stick to it. You are keeping them out of as much trouble as you can, for as long as you can. I agree with you and I pray you stand your ground. She only has to wait a short time⌠a year if she just turned 15. Youâre not keeping her from things, your teaching her to be responsible. That 1 year between 15 and 16 makes a huge difference in judgement. She will respect you for that later on when sheâs grown with kids.
Itâs not her child. Itâs yours.
But, as a girl who went to church⌠teens are rebellious and will do what they want. Sit down with her. Lay out boundaries. Have âthe talkâ get her on birth control and let her know she can come to youâŚotherwise, trust me when I say sheâll start doing whatever she wants behind your back.
My parents didnât let us go on âdatesâ until we where 16, but we where able to have a boyfriend who we saw at school, where able to go out in groups with or where able to invite over to hang out with family when we where 15. Just no 1 on 1 dates until 16.
My almost 15 year old has a bf but they donât go anywhere unsupervised he comes here they hang out and watch tv or play games in the living room
Your MIL needs to mind her own business. There are consequences for not doing so, I. e. No invitations over to the house
I personally think 16 is a good time to start dating.
My daughter liked a boy at 12âŚthey wanted to go on a âdateâ so I told her that I would take them both to a movie and sit behind them. She chose how far behind (2 rows to be exact. She was nervous and wanted me to be closeâŚaww). It turned out fine. She hasnât âdatedâ anyone since then and she is 15 now. Sometimes you just have to let them explore in a controlled environment so they gain proper experience. She tells me pretty much everything without prompting and knows Iâll have her back always. Come to an agreement with your daughter that allows her some freedom but still within the no outside dating rules you have. Weekly dinners at your house or family outings with a boyfriend in tow. Bring them in as part of the family. Respect is earned on all sides that way. Good luck!
My kids were 16. We had an arrangement before dating including if the person was not a Christian they could got to go to any church activities and to our home. Worked out well. Other parents were our worst enemies. They would tell us they agreed with us, but did not have the guts to enforce the same rules. Do not depend on the schools for any balanced help. They went to a Christian university where there were lots of possible dates⌠Hang in there. Short relationships do not prepare them for marriage and abuse of any kind were never ok.
When I was that age I had my first boyfriend for a year or two and I hid it from my parents. Because my mother put me down over everything.
I had posted a picture of us kissing online and she called me a whore, that sorta thing.
My dad on the other hand was protective but it was always rules and not talking things through.
I had several people that I call my mom now because she just wasnât someone I could talk to ever , even to this day.
It took me getting my second boyfriend that my dad and I could talk more freely about. He saw me go through that heart break the first time blaming myself. He saw how happy I was with my second boyfriend, friend from soccer. He tried to balance his rules with my happiness. Not budging but more explaining the importance of keeping me safe and emphasize always to call him. He even reached out for family friends and asked advice.
Always keeping my boyfriends friends first and other things later. It really helped to keep that view. I got lucky because of the respect of him being my friend first I still have dinner with his family and am still close with almost of my exâs in a friend aspect.
Please donât be like my Nieces mother who banded dating all together extremely strict and negative. Which only made my niece hide and sneak out. Once she was âallowed to dateâ she felt justified in falling in love every other week.
Friends first. If youâre not happy with them as a friend for a while then itâs just not meant to be and say no thank you.
Best of luck.
I went out with friends at 15. I didnât have a relationship or start dating until college at 18.
Honestly kids will date or talk to someone if they really want to whether you allow it or notđ¤ˇââď¸ itâs just a matter of whether they will go behind your back or talk to you about itâŚyou may as well educate them on the real of relationships and be there as a support system.
Your child your rules. Stand up for yourself and your children! You know your kids better than anyone! Do what you are comfortable with! Tell your mil to mind her business!
I didnât date until I was 18 and I turned out just fine.
Honestly from that point of view I wish I waited a longer time to date. Iâd say if sheâs immature, wait until 16 or at least until you think sheâs good enough on her feet with it. It could ruin things in her life. Do what you think is best as a mom. Donât let other parents pressure you.
My kids were not allowed to date until they were 16. My youngest is 17 now the boy she is dating has liked her since she was 13 we told him she wasnât allowed to date until 16 and he said she was worth the wait. They have a core group of 6 that are always together;my daughter and her 2 best girlfriends(also like daughters), her now boyfriend and 2 other boys and the group have been together since 2nd grade. They always hang out here and the boys all know if my daughter is driving the group somewhere boys sit in back her girls always come first.
My girls have been allowed to âdateâ since 9th grade, however, dating is a family affair until they are old enough to drive. The boys they like can come hang with us and do our family stuff and they can go hang with the boy AND his family. Once they can drive they can get themselves out of a situation they donât want to be in without having to wait for a parent to pick them up. Then they can go on dates.
I agree with mom and dad, this world we live in today is really vad i donât trust anyone! Parents stay strong.
I made the mistake of always thinking things need to be âevenâ for my 4 kids. But then I realized they are not the same and itâs ok to allow one come to do things are a certain age while another isnât allowed until later. Itâs all about the maturity and ability to handle things at any given time.
I wasnât allowed to date or talk to boys until 16. But before I was 16 I had little ârelationshipsâ ( if you even call it that) in school. My mom most likely knew but didnât say anything. I didnât have any intercourse or sexual things going on tho. When I hit 16 I definitely had a bf and told my parents and it was all okay. My parents werenât strict that much but younger then 16 dating wasnât a big deal. Now a days things are different if my daughter wants to date Iâm not going to say no. I want her to tell me and be comfortable about it Iâm not judging her or anything. But I would definitely tell ur MIL that wasnât nice and your daughter shouldnât tel her anything anymore because that was straight up embarrassing. If I was your daughter I would have told her off so bad. Tell MIL back off because obviously she donât know how to handle things and just talk to her granddaughter. Announce it to everyone wow. I would have told her off
I was allowed day dates at 15.
You donât need to justify your parental decisions to anyone!! Itâs your child. And I emphasise the child part!! In the eyes of the law she is still a child! If my only fault as a parent is being overprotective Iâll happily take it lol
I got with my first boyfriend when I was 14⌠I stayed with him 3 years. (First love). But then again its kinda different times now.
Wow! What kind of mother in law would encourage dating younger than 16. Anyway, stick to your rules. I think youâre doing the right thing.
So you donât let her date. Sheâll do it behind your back
Stick to your guns. It is your decision. Your daughter will survive and thak you for it later.
Your house your decision
No I would stick with my rule and let her do it the way she is doing it now so at least you can keep an eye on them.
Both of my oldest children where 18 when they decided to start dating. I always expressed how much work it was to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and how hard it was to be a mom at 16. Both of my adult children waited until the finished high school. My daughter is 24 no children and enjoying her solitude and my son is 22 in a relationship with his first girlfriend and they have a baby. I have a son who will be 18 next month and he isnât interested. Says girls are to expensive and rather hang with his brothers. My 16 year old son feels the same way. I guess Iâve always been very open about how hard it was being married at 15 and a mom at 16. Dating has never been a big subject but if it had been in my home I would say 17/18 would be ideal for my children.
Your the parent. Your way is probably best. If sheâs boy crazy now better safe then sorry. Try to keep control as long as you can.
HonestlyâŚits not an age factorâŚits a maturity factor
You are the parents. Sounds like MIL needs to butt out. And 16 is ok as long as both parties are mature enough to date.
As far as the MIL goes, if it were me I would make it a point to call her out and put her in her place once and for all. She isnt the mother and she has no business trying to undermine you.
If youâre dead set on your rule, then stick to it. Itâs not like itâs a ridiculous rule. If you want to compromise, maybe offer to chaperone some dates for her? That way she gets what she wants and you know shes safe
16 â otherwise supervised dates and group dates⌠MIL isnât the parent, YOU are. And even at that, no dating if you say no, even if itâs 17. IMO you arenât dating til you have a job and a driver licenseâ And youâll only date people your age til you are âof ageâ.
Too young. You want your children to be able to make the right decisions about dating and not make one mistake after another. They are still children and they donât think clearly at that age. 17 or older is a better age for dating, depending on their maturity of course. Back in your MILâs day they would have got married and had a baby at that age, but times have changed.
I got to âdateâ when I wanted to and felt I was ready to and honestly it worked out alot better that way because I didnât sneak around and hide things from my grandparents. Honestly kids are going to do it either way they just wonât be honest or talk to you about it if your strict with them. So Iâd loosen the chain a little bit and she might actually start talking to you about it and asking you questions. It really helps to let teens make their own decisions (within reason) and they wonât hide as much from you. Just my take on it.
My rule. You have to know how to drive , be 16 and we have to meet them before going out. Itâs few and far between they bring home
I started to date at the age of 15 and I knew I was ready as long as my grades were good my parents didnât care I would let her and if youâre worried about them getting pregnant then get her on some birth control. And have a serious conversation with both of them .
They have already dated
My girls 18 and 19 when they started dating when they going to school they said they was not ready to date in school they said they hear and seen so much how some boys treated some girls.now they grow one 44 and baby girl 41 my girls allways tell me and their father they glad they waited to date .let her know she has all the time to wate.my boys did not wate .their dad give them good talking to.son 42 marriage beautiful wife 11years .
My parents didnt let me date until I was 16. It was a blessing in disguise honestly. I have 4 kids now. 2 boys and 2 girls. None of them will date until they can operate a vehicle on their own. I decided when I was dating that no child of mine would ever feel like they couldnt leave a date if it was necessary. They can always callme to come get them but if its an emergency they can get themselves out of the situation. Maturity is also a huge importance. If they cant handle themselves with parents around what will they do when left alone?
I think the more you stop her the more she will what to do it you will only push her away talk to her about been safe and make sure she can come and talk to you about anything and wonât be in trouble shes 15 so not far off 16 you have to trust her and let her make her own mistakes just try and guide her. Goodluck x
You are raising your children in a different world than the one you mil raised her kids. Do what you feel best for your children.
We had rules for our daughter which were relaxed only when we felt she was ready. Today, she tells me that she was glad we did as she is on a good path where many of her friends have slipped. Use your intuition.
I guess you are doing better than me. I was the pregnant teenager at 16. My teenage girls were told no boys until they are finished with school. My youngest is 16.
I feel that my girls need to be able to take care of themselves and have their own life before a boy gets involved. Itâs not guaranteed that they will always have a man in their life but it is guaranteed that they will always need to be able to take care of themselves.
Overprotective??? I call it love and caring!!
You know your daughter best. Is she responsible enough? At that age kids are experimenting with sex, drugs, and alcohol. Is she mature enough to handle being around it? This is a hard decision and each child is different. If u have a rule that they canât date till 16, follow it. How will your oldest look at it if her younger sister can date at 15 and she couldnât until 16.
My middle daughter was boy crazy when she was 16. The only way I let her date was to have met him and be able to talk to his parents. I also needed to know where they were going and who they were going with. Too many girls going missing and I want to make sure sheâd come home safe.
I didnât have bf until I was 17. And even then I felt I wasnât ready. Bc all they wanted was something I wasnât ready to give. My daughter is 5 and she wonât have bf until she is 17 bc by that time she knows what she wants and will understand women are strong and donât need to have a man to survive
Keep them in a bubble untilâŚAnd itâs really not a bubble. Itâs protection until they are mature enough to make good choices. Be sure they know how to protect themselves in difficult situations. Before they leave your house with a boy, you need to know him well and be sure he knows your expectations. Your mil needs to stay out of YOUR business. When your girls are out of high school and showing they can be independent and have not brought home a baby for you to raise, your mil will understand!
I had no curfew at 14 actually. I would have loved for my parents to set boundaries and care.
You do whatâs best for you and yours. No one else really matters.
Your child! Your rules! MIL must butt out. But you as parents must keep lines of communication open always, so that she feels free to talk to you about anything. And whatever she says, donât freak out (even if youâre freaking out inwardly, donât let her see or be aware of it)! Otherwise sheâll never open up to you again!
Your job is to be her parent and protect her. If she couldnât see what this boy was doing was wrong then letting her spend more time with him was not the answer. Your her parent not her friend. Stick to your guns. Lead by example and DO NOT GIVE IN TO PEER PRESSURE FROM OTHERS. Your doing great!!
She is your child. What you think is best is the way it should be. It dont matter what any one else says. I dont care if its MIL or God himself. As parents we do the best we can and what we feel is right and it dont matter what anyone else says or thinks.
Youâre obviously already aware but your daughters opinion or rules on when sheâs allowed to date wonât be followed. Sheâs going to talk to who she wants regardless. IMO the best thing you and your husband can do is be supportive so she wonât continue to leave yâall out of the loop. Sheâs not going to stop dating, but she may never tell you anything anymore.
honestly you need to let her go. holding a child back from doing things they want to will only make them lie and sneak and rebel.
I think MIL NEEDS to stay out of your business. If I want to give my adult kids advice. Talk to them one on one. And remember itâs advice. If you canât respect them they wonât respect you. If you canât do that then shut up and mind your own business
We have immersed our kids into sports , a summer and a winter sport⌠both my girls 17 and 13 play hockey 4/5 days a week they think hockey and school, not boys⌠we also have a rule no sleepovers(only a select few familys we know the parents)
Now they dont ask. My oldest has went ice skating and to mall with groups of friends a few bday partys (yes i called parents/and she said im embarrasing, lol)
I have told kids they can have anyone to our house their just not running the roads.
These are your children, do what you feel is right,everyones journey is different. Good Luck!
A mother should never stay out of her childâs business. When their children become adults, then yes, they can give them freedom. But a 15 year old is a child, and mum has every right to be in n all over her business.
However, dont loose your daughter in the process. If shes doing it behind your back, she may as well be doing it in front of you ( otherwise your kinda teaching her that even tho you know what shes doing behind your back, your ok with her lies)
Thirdly and MOST importantly. If she got âdumpedâ because she wasnât allowed out with him, the girl needs to really understand her self worth!!!
I couldnât date til I finished High School. It worked out in my best interests. Iâm now a mom of 3. They will not be dating early either.
Just educate them an let them know youâre there for them no matter what âŚAlways had a good relationship with my kids when they were teenagersâŚdont dictate youâll be sorry
Stand your ground!!! Itâs your child not hers. My daughter wasnât allowed to date until 16, nothing wrong with setting boundaries.
16 sounds like a good age. However with our son and his middle school crush we compromised, they were allowed to go to church or family events or even a movie or out to dinner together as long as either her parents or my husband and myself were present
She is your daughter and you raise her the way you feel is best. I agree she should wait until she is 16 if you think she is responsible enough to date then. You know your daughter best so you may want to set some ground rules for dating.
I have all boys but I ended up doing a day of only school and school practice for every minute he was late. 5 min means 5 days. He ended up getting 6weeks donât know who was more glad when it was over. The boys learned if they wasnât gonna make it home in time they better be calling me
The fact that she is boy crazy is EVERY reason why she can wait u til 16. On top of the fact that YOU are the parent, not her or your MIL. And ya know, if she would listen to you and not the MIL there would have been no boy to cheat on her and no boy to dump her and cause embarrassment through MIL announcing the break up. I am 25 and my parents agreed to dating at 16 in their divorce decree (we were 5 and 7 when they divorced,) we were held to that. Have you had talks with your child about WHY you have these rules?
Your making it so your daughter has to hide things from you and resent you. Iâd cut her some slack and let heat date
My daughter got her first serious boyfriend at 14⌠sheâs now 15 and her boyfriend is part of our family.
My daughter and I have a very close open relationship, she literally tells me everything!! She know what I expect of her and she knows there will be consequences if she breaks my trust!!!
I wasnât allowed to âdateâ until I had my drivers license and car so that if something happen I could leave and not be stuck somewhere in a situation with somebody else. That will be my rule for my daughter as well. For now they can come to your house or his house but make it clear with other parents that you have rules for your daughter no matter where she is and if they canât respect that then when they want to see each other itâs at your home.
Ecplsin to your daughter the whole purpose of dating is to find a spouse, at 16, she dont need one
first off, tell MIL to suck it. Itâs YOUR kid not hers. Itâs YOUR decision on how you raise your kid. Not hers. Itâs YOUR right to do what you feel is best for YOUR kid. Not hers. I would sit down with your daughter and talk to her. Ask about the boy that broke up with her. Donât dismiss because she shouldnât be dating anyways. Hear her thoughts and talk to her. I would rather my kid came to me when they had a boyfriend (even if not ok) and tell me then hide it from me. Consider a compromise with her. She can date as long as you meet them and itâs a double date or they only go places you take them as a chaperone or something. Allows her to date and allows you to be involved! It shows her you are willing to try and hopefully will get her to stop hiding behind your back. And honestly, tell MIL to mind her own damn business. Period.