My daughter will be 11. Her father left without notice at 7mths old. She has never known him. I had to do some sleuthing to serve him court papers so I could have custody. I ended up having him sub-served. He left us while we were at a dentist appointment for my oldest and moved back in with his parents. He never showed up for court. Therefore I earned full custody. In the beginning, I made contact and tried to open the lines of communication with my daughter’s fraternal grandmother. I welcomed her to call us and see her grand-daughter. She never once made an attempt. I even shop at the grocery store she works at. (Guilty, I avoid her checkout) Been through several times with my daughter. Never once has she spoke kindly to me, nor has she asked about my daughter. My daughter is at the age now, where she has been questioning seeing her grandmother. She has been living with a step-father for the last eight years. Should I open the door to communication with her fraternal grandmother again? What if my husband disapproves? I believe I know what is best…keep her close, protect from heartbreaking situations… but… would I be right to keep her away? …or… should I make another attempt for my daughter because she wants to meet her fraternal grandmother.??? 
She’s at the age where she should be the one deciding so if she wants to meet her try to make it happen! She can make the final call whether she wants to have a relationship with her or not after a meeting happens, IF it happens
I would move on! Clearly they have no interest…
I would tell her to keep her expectations small regarding grandmom and try again to reach out. Just to show your daughter you at least tried
It is ultimately her choice, I feel. She is older now. BUT be real with her and explain that you don’t mind her seeing that side of the family but that you don’t want to see her hurt if they choose not to be there, etc. Leave it up to her but give her the knowledge in advance.
They obviously want nothing to do with you guys, consider it a blessing
I’d tell her the truth. And let her reach out on her own when she’s old enough to handle the heartbreak.
If the woman has seen your child in person and hasn’t acknowledged her, do not bring that person into your child’s life.
He checked out years ago, why not just move on with your now husband, who sounds like he’s been a great step dad the last 8 years? The father and grandmother clearly want nothing to do with either of you and I agree with your husband. She’s only 11, let her decide on her own once she has all the facts at 18.
If your daughter is asking and wants that I would reach out. And let her know her granddaughter has been asking about her and maybe you can all.meet for.lunch? If she denies than just move on
No. A child shouldn’t have to make the effort to an adult. You’ve kept the door open as you should. Shitty the grandma can’t reach out. Her loss
Talk to him first. I would not contact her grandmother, she does not speak to her or u
You reached out, she know’s about her granddaughter and she doesnt make any effort to call or be in her life in any way. People dont change, from experience, I would let the past be and move on. If you daughter wants to contact her once she’s older that would be OK but be prepared for the emotional toll when the gma doesnt want anything to do with her.
Definitely let her have a relationship with the Grandmother, as long as it’s a healthy relationship. If you do not let her, she might feel resentment, and blame you.
If she isn’t nice to you and never asks about her own granddaughter why is this even being questioned? She obviously doesn’t care…when your daughter is older if she chooses to reach out let her but until then I’d leave it alone…
Honestly the grandmother would know how to contact you, yet she hasn’t.
So I wouldn’t worry
if that woman doesnt even care about her granddaughter n hasnt made a move to see her or even ask her … plz do not bring ur child to her life. She will be hurt knowing the truth
No if she isn’t making an effort you shouldn’t either
Ur daughter won’t miss what she never had
I’d make a SILENT attempt, then go from there.
Move on! She has seen your daughter in person and still hasnt made an attempt. She doesn’t want your daughter! Leave it be.
I would talk to your husband first if your worried about his opinion.
That’s at a stage where she is able to express her feelings herself. Let your daughter decide if she is mature enough to handle it. Some are more mature than we give credit.
Keep her away. Don’t force people into your children’s lives who don’t care to be in it. She has had plenty of opportunities to reconnect with the two of you & hasn’t. Your daughter has came this far without her, she is better off with those who care/ love her!
Tell her the truth ask her again if she wants to see them if so then you should call the grandmother and tell her what your daughter want then it’s her choice and if she doesn’t want to know her then your daughter will at least know for her self but make sure she knows with out a shadow of a dought that she isn’t the reason they are acting this way in my opinion I think it’s because they are ashamed of what her father did
It’s best to let her decide.
If her grandmother wanted a relationship with her she would have spoken to you or your child before now considering u have been going into the shop she works in .she could have even just said something as simple as hello but she hasn’t so from where I’m standing she isn’t interested which is a shame , if your going to contact her I would tell your daughter that your doing it until you know for certain what the outcome is going to be , it’s hard looking at the disappointment in there wee faces when they find out that someone isn’t interested so I would contact her yourself and find out if she wants contact and if she does then say to your daughter but I would t say anything until u find out x
No the old bat seems rude and not interested why shove a kid down her throat and hurt the child more? Maybe your daughter can write her grandmother a letter? They can communicate that way for now if grandma even returns her letter to this point she hasn’t cared
We have a friend going thru the same thing. It is so sad how people treat family
Be honest with your daughter and tell her you left the line open but she never made the attempt. Is she asking to meet her or just asking questions about her? As for your husband I would talk to him before anything. He has been in her life and is helping raise her. That’s her father even if he isnt by blood. He deserves some say.
She isn’t a Grandmother she doesn’t deserve your kids LOVE
I tried to get my kids father to have contact and he didn’t. I let them try a d he didn’t. They are now in their early 50s and middle 40s a d still no contact.
You tried. If they wanted contact, they’d reach out. I would keep her away.
Doesn’t sound like a lovable grandmother
I wouldn’t. If she is a butt or doesn’t want anything to do with her it will just break her heart.
She hasn’t shown interest. I feel it’s best to keep her away from future heartbreak. If she wasn’t interested then, she won’t be now. Sorry
I would just let it be… there’s no point in setting anyone up for heartache.
Your ex and his mother have made it clear they want no part of your daughter’s life. Don’t force the issue.
My daughter keeps my Grandkids from visiting anyone except her boyfriends family. I would love to spend time with my Grands. Such a shame for the children
I hope you didn’t let her bio father off the hook for child support all these years? File now & mk him pay you for these 11 years… your daughter has a right to being supported by her father… whether he sees her or not… even if you don’t want or need the money put it in a savings account for your daughter., why should he be allowed to abandon his daughter & squander his money on bs…and I wouldn’t have anything to do with that selfish worthless old woman… you can’t call her a grandmother because she’s never been one… what a great example she’s been to her worthless son…apples don’t fall far from trees… sounds like he did you all a huge favor by leaving…
U cant force sum1 to be in ur child’s life. The lady already showed u she wasnt interested in a relationship. U will do more damage then good by opening that can of worms.
Leave it alone and let her do it on her own when she gets older. I went through it with my children and when they got to be teenagers my daughter came fact to face with her grandmother and father. My daughter gave them her cell number and they communicated for several weeks until her father and grandmother made a promise they couldn’t keep which in turn helped her realize what kind of people they are. My children and my husband have the best relationship to this day.
Does stepdad not have his mom still? Maybe try to strengthen that relationship instead of bio fathers incubator
Don’t bother making contact she doesn’t want to it’s her loss. 
And your daughter doesn’t need that negativity in her life and she shouldn’t stress about it either
Why would you want to tey to force your vulnerable child on people who obviously want nothing to do with her? All that’s gonna happen is she’ll get hurt. Why dont you let her make that decision when is is older. Like 18. Because you don’t want to be responsible for the pain it’ll cause her. Wtf is wrong with you people
I say from experience. Keep that door closed. And lock it.
First off you mentioned your husband would be angry. Talk to him about it. Have a personal talk with him and maybe the two of you talk to her about it. Secondly, she obviously believes whatever lies her son told her for her to not want anything to do with your child. Your husband now has been caring for her for 8 years. Let his family and your family do the loving on her. She doesn’t need that heartache. You did your duty once by giving the grandmother a chance and she ignored it and never contacted you. When your daughter is of age let her know that. Family isn’t always blood.
She’ll only do your child damage, stay away
Hells no. Why would you want those losers in your life. They could try and get custody too- if he didn’t lose his rights then he can prove he wants the child now and get partial. No way in hell would I ever do that with that history.
What’s the point honestly, clearly they’re not involved and have no intention, otherwise they’d reach out as well.
I would say if your daughter wants to see her call her grandmother tell her that her granddaughter wants to see her and if she is willing to meet up if she says yes I would do it I believe you will cause resentment if you dont with your daughter I would not allow her to go by herself with the grandmother until she proved to you how involved she will remain and in your daughters life and how safe she will be with her I know it’s hard but it’s not about you or even the grandmother but it’s about your daughters feelings and if you reject them because you want to try and keep her feelings from getting hurt you are going to do more damage let the grandmother be the one to mess it up not you and your daughter would see that you tried at least I hope everything works out for all of you I know it’s hard I have delt with similar situations
If you tried and she showed no interest I would let it be. Protect your daughter from further heartbreak
The grandmother knows where you are … she sees you … she’s not interested … not put your child through the disappointment … simply tell her they all love her very much. I suggest a grievance counselor.
Good luck
Let child decide much later
Tell your daughter that you have tried with her and it didnt work don’t lie to your daughter about anything tell her she chose not to be part of their lives and when your daughter gets older she can make that decision to contact her grandmother or not. My dad’s parents weren’t apart of my life and they lived 4 blocks away and I didnt have no want or need to ever be around them they weren’t good to my dad so why would I want to spend time with them. Just be honest about everything and see what she wants to do after that
If grandma wanted to be in her life she would
Ball is in Grandma’s court. You tried tell your daughter that. Grandma’s loss.
Don’t push. When she is ready she will let you know
Why would you? The grandma obviously isnt interested.
What about you give her the information and allow her to do what she will without you getting involved, but stay ever so close., never let her out of your site.
Prayimg for a great story ending, god bless.
Nope, not now. Life as a teenager is hard enough without rejection from family who is supposed to love you. If she wants to, let her go searching at 18, with warning a head of time. And be there for her afterwards.
Yes if she is asking take her to the shop where she works go through her check out and introduce your daughter to her, first prewarn your daughter and have a talk about possible outcomes so she is prepared, either good/bad but please don’t just do it explain and talk extensively until you believe she is ready, let’s hope the grand mother has a heart:heart:
Stay away she obvs not interested in the child
Stay well away. Don’t put your daughter in the situation that can lead to heart break
Nope. Grandma is a grown woman. If she wanted contact she could have done so numerous times over the past 11 years. It’s not your job to try and force people into your daughter’s life. Me personally, I feel like God did you a favor by removing them from your life so early. As for stepdad… He is her dad. 8 years is a lot of time to invest and be committed to a child. He stepped up. So begore you decode to do anything, treat him with the respect and equal father and parent deserves and have that open and goneat conversation. To sum it all up… I don’t think your daughter is missing out because these people left her life. She is old enough to learn this life lesson: tell her it’s not her fault they left. There was something wrong with them
You’ve tried already. She has shown you were she stands. Tell the kid the truth.
I would not bother. My kids don’t see there dad, and there dads family completely stopped contact with my children. They know where they are, I dont need to try and get ahold of them my kids know who loves them
You already opened the lines of communication explain to your daughter in therapy. I would also advise she get into group counseling
Your daughter will come of age and deal with them on her own, and she will! Til then just be honest, don’t bad mouth, and give extra love and the very best life she can possibly have. They want nothing to do with her, it’s obvious. I’m a grandmother, nothing I mean nothing would keep me from one of my grandchildren, I don’t care if it pissed anybody off. So it’s hard to tell what her messed up issue is. She’s yours, just love her momma, if you have family around make sure they fill the void.
Note: paternal = related to father, fraternal = related to brother or sister, maternal = related to mother. You are referencing her paternal grandmother.
I would find friends and other family members on your and husband’s side to fill the void. Clearly this grandma on name only has no love for you or your daughter. Please continue to avoid her. Maybe a counseling session or two to help make sense of why her sperm donor & his family are such douche bags and that it has zero to do with her.
Ask your daughter what SHE wants. Explain to her that you are hesitant about allowing it because of her past behavior. Your daughter is old enough to decide what kind of a person she is or isn’t. Just because she was awful to you doesn’t mean it will be the same with your daughter. If you don’t allow it your daughter will have to wonder the rest of her life.
I can’t believe any grandmother reguardless of the situation would turn there back on her grandchildren. Grandchildren are the best thing in our lives.
As an adopted child , keep the door open. Let her reach out , warm her what could happen , and be supportive no matter the outcome.
Follow the peace of God. Get quiet before Him to hear His voice regarding this. Dont move in the situation until He leads you with His Word and His peace.
Be honest and open. It’s her decision in the end. But don’t force something that’s not there, or force someone to be there. If she dosen’t want a relationship with her or you, then it is what it is. That’s her/ their problem💁
I think you mean paternal grandmother. I kept getting distracted when you said fraternal. I have the same situation and they have never made any contact or wanted to see my daughter. They want to be my friend on FB to ‘see’ her but don’t want anything to do with her. It makes me sick! Don’t waste your time she will just end up in heartbreak.
Let it go. She obviously doesn’t want any part. Obviously the apple didn’t fall far from that tree
Why would you attempt to contact. She knows she has a grand daughter and has mad no effort. Go to the local retirement home with your daughter and let her adopt a grandma there. Guaranteed theres a lonley lady who would love to play games and read with your daughter.
I’d be very open and honest with your daughter.
Tell her that your grandmother may not want contact, it might be too painful for her. Never sugar coat anything. If she asks a question give her an honest answer.
That honesty is what she will trust.
Sounds like she is better off wothout her grandmother. Sometimes kids want things that is not good for them to have. We as parents have to make sure we protect our children from toxic family/people at all costs. We are their only advocates.
You have tried and she doesn’t seem interested so in my opinion I wouldn’t put my daughter through the pain of someone not wanting to get to know her. If she’s old enough tell her the truth. 
If you open those lines you will be picking up a lot more broken pieces than you care to know. If people want to be there they will. If not they wont and you cut your losses. You are hurting your daughter by continuing to make contact or shop where she works. Shop elsewhere and let it go. I used to try so hard to get my husbands mom to be involved with my kids and every time it led to heartbreak and me picking up the pieces of my sons broken heart. So I cut her off completely forever. Forcing people to be in kids lives is how kids go missing or end up hurt or dead. Let it go. Itll hurt less for your daughter if you let it go. My sons spermdonor has never been in the picture and theres no way for him to be since his rights got stripped by the courts. You need to protect your kid no matter what.
contact the grandmother and let her know her granddaughter is asking about her and you wanted to know if she would like to meet, if she does not respond or refuses then talk to your daughter honestly about the situation, if she has love and support from you her stepfather and other family members she will be able to process the info and move on , your daughter has a right to know her family and needs you to support her, you don’t want her blaming you for keeping them apart.
I’d contact them first. See where they are at with wanting a relationship with her. Whether they say yes or no prepare for the appropriate conversation with your daughter. I’ll be praying for all of you.
Speaking from my own experience, let it go. She knows of her, you left the lines open, she’s chose not to use them. She has a loving step father from the sounds of it so she has his family, nothing more is needed. When ‘grandma’ comes to her senses she will try to see her otherwise, let it go.
Nope. If she was interested she would have tried to communicate with you or your child over the years. I do give you credit for even being open to it.
Seems like you have your answer, you have gone through the grocery lines with your daughter, the grandmother knows who you are, correct? My son went through a deep depression because of this same situation… Leave it alone for your daughter sake.
I would talk to your husband and then, no offense, please, but depending on your daughters maturity level, I would sit her down and explain the situation to her. Explain that you have tried in the past but that there was no effort on grandma’s part BUT if your daughter still wants to try - allow her to. If Grandma hurts her, then she will see for herself that it wasn’t you and she will have a clear understanding of the situation. She will always have mom and step-dad to love and comfort her. Good luck either way! 
You open the phone call and your shopping where she works I say your part is done let them make an effort to talk to your daughter. Sadly they may never pick up the phone nor stop you and ask about her and it is all on them now.
If your daughter is asking, you need to contact the woman and let her know. Otherwise, your daughter will put the family she doesn’t know on a pedestal and think, “If only they were here things would be perfect, but mom won’t let me see them.” She will seek them out on her own. If you take initiative and control, you can cushion the blow to her that they want nothing to do with her. You and your husband will be there to remind her that, no matter what those people think, do, or say, you love and want her.
From a grandmother’s view leave it alone she knows she is a grandmother if she doesn’t make attempt to see HER GRANDCHILD why hurt the child with someone who doesn’t care
Sadly sounds like that side of the family has no interest in being involved, they’ve had 11 years, protect your daughter from more hurt
I’m sorry I feel I don’t want no one to bring drama to my life if we are happy where we are. Your husband has no right to disapprove it was before his time and if you let him stop you your wrong. I wouldn’t at all sit down with your daughter and let her know the truth and why you feel you want to wait until she’s older. Praying it works out
Husband doesn’t have say about her having a relationship with her fathers parents. She has the right to know. But prepare her for heart break
I would be honest about her grandmother’s behavior, I would also make sure she understands that she will probably reject her and that is is the grandmother’s fault and not your daughter’s.
Unfortunately u never actually closed the door if u shop where she works she knows how to find u. If u try to push threw that door then your daughter could get hurt.
Instead be open and honest with her point her out in the store explain thats why y’all shop there is she could easily contact u if she wants to. Explain to her that just becouse someone is blood dont mean they are family. Family are the ones that want to be there.
Close to same situation
She is now friends with her sister and grandmother on fb
It was a long road but she’s happy
So that makes me happy
It’s paternal… not fraternal!
There may be reasons she doesn’t feel comfortable I’d say make 1 more attempt to the grandmother and if she does the same thing then don’t try any more . I feel bad for your daughter to have to go through this . Hasn’t her father ever tried to see his daughter and introduce her to her grandmother ?