I need some advice from ladies who have been in my situation. I’m a female in my early 20s who comes from a VERY toxic household and right now I’m currently raising/clothing/feeding my 3 teenage brothers (2 aren’t old enough to get a job) which is costing me at least half of every paycheck. My mother had a lot of mental health issues when we were small that caused her not to be around a lot. She has gotten better, but she is still at her boyfriends every night. Anyways I started dating this guy around 4 months ago and he has seen the abuse and disrespect they all give me on a daily basis. He notices how I’m constantly stressed over things I shouldn’t be. He has suggested we get an apartment together, or I move in with him and his current roommates because he wants me out of the situation I’m in and I don’t have an option to live with anyone else. I explained I can’t afford to move out because of the housing market and apartments costing an arm and a leg, but he said he’ll help me out as much as he can. We have gotten along very well, he hasn’t showed any signs of abuse/being controlling, so my question is, would I be dumb to move in with him after 4 months given the circumstances?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I move in with my boyfriend after 4 months?
I did that once… he smokes meth a couple states over and I raise our 9 year old son alone 
In my observation and experience it is NEVER a good idea to move in with a boyfriend to run from your current toxicity no matter how long you have been together. He will show you and you will see all the benefits but most times (not all) it backfires and ends up being just as toxic or worse. Please look into housing, public assistance etc. I would also suggest therapy to help in guiding you. Good luck
You are an adult now… if want to move out and in with ur BF DO IT!! Do what’s best for you and your mental health. BTW I moved in with mine after a few months… we are going on 9 years together 
I moved in with my boyfriend for similar reasons when we were together for 3 weeks, we just celebrated 6 years this January. You have to do what’s best for you, sometimes it can be the best gift you give yourself.
No. I totally understand that your situation at home is not ideal, but give it a bit more time.
You can do it if you want. You gotta do you. It could be great, it could be awful.
Don’t run from one toxic situation just to get into another. You don’t know this guy. 4 months is NOT long enough to know someone. Yeah he may seem helpful now, but how do you know he won’t hold it over your head?
I moved in with my husband after only knowing him a month 
time means nothing and if it feels right, do it.
No please don’t do it. I only say that because you don’t know how things could change with him. You made be trading one toxic situation for another.
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I got kicked out of my parents only knowing my bf for 3months
Now we’ve been together for 6years
Do what you feel is best if you want to move in with your bf to have sanity so be it. My bf and I were not together long at all before we moved in together and we have been together over 8 years. Do what’s best for you! Good luck
Um you think you’re stressed out right now things are not always what they seem. Get to know him better before making a move like that.
If it feels right do it. Me and my fiancé moved in together after a month or so and this July we’ve been together 8 years 
It depends on how he makes you feel. Time doesn’t always matter. Just be cautious and make sure you ask the right questions.
I moved in with mine After a very short time of dating. now almost 14 yrs of marriage and 16 yrs together each relationship is unique and you do you!!
Honestly, it would be better for you and the teens if you all head to a shelter. They have resources and could better assist. And could prevent you from being stuck in another possibly toxic situation. (Because moving in with BF would give him a lot of ways to control or manipulate you if he chose to do so)
Girl I literally met my spouse at a party and never separated, not even once, since the literal night we MET. And now here we are, 9 years in and three kids in 
Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.
He will help you as much as he can??! What will you do when a month pops up that he can’t help you? Think this out a bit longer, see red flags all over it. Been there!
No dont do it. If you do that then your gonna feel tied down and married when your not. You will end up doing the washing, cooking and cleaning after a man your not even married to plus pay bills. And trust me he will get very comfortable like that and again hes not your husband. Dont do it girl.
My first reaction is NO…but if he’s truly your match…then go for it but have an escape plan if you need it… don’t get stuck twice!!!
I moved in with my boyfriend 6 months into our relationship and now here we are 3 years later currently pregnant with baby #2 and getting married in September 
It just depends on how he makes you feel honestly and if you believe you’re ready for that next step
I moved in with my fiance like a month after meeting him and we are still going strong 4 1/2 years later.
Me and my boyfriend moved in after around 4 months. But we also knew each other for a little before dating. But if it feels right I would do it. I’m happy as hell I got out of my families home and into my own w my bf.
Have you noticed:
The condition of his place? Is it clean?
How he reacts to stress?
I understand you want to escape, but really LOOK at his situation before you LEAP.
Good luck
It would be a lot for y’all to move in with friends of his too. I think it would put a strain on the relationship.
Don’t do t I know it’s tough right now but its gonna be worth it in the long run. Please don’t do it. You’re very young I would wait at least a year because one that door shut we don’t know who he really is. That’s from experience.
I know it’s not your responsibility to take care of your siblings but if you leave, will they get okay? You gotta do what’s best for you.
Absolutely not. Maintain your autonomy always. If you’re not married, you’re single. And 4 months isn’t enough time for the mask to come off. You may realize you’ve gone from the frying pan to the fire. And if you have to ask, you already know it’s a bad idea
I moved in with my now husband within 6 months of meeting in person. BUT I had over a year in therapy due to an abusive living situation and I was able to make a more logical and clear thinking decision about it. Please be very sure and very careful that you’re not jumping from one toxic mess into another.
I’m sorry you’re in a rough situation but take your time with this decision because it sometimes takes longer than 4 months for a person to show they’re true colors. Good luck to you and praying that things get better.
Trust your gut.
Your brain can be fooled, your heart can be tricked, your gut will usually be right.
Your other brother that is old enough needs to chip in and you need to file for guardianship of the other 2 to receive child tax credit to help with costs of providing for the children. I wouldn’t leave my siblings for a man I met 4 months ago to live with other strange men and play mother there
You are now an adult so do what is best for you and what makes you happy. Maybe do a soft move in, like stay on the weekends and gradually work ur way to full time. Or just go for it and if it doesn’t work out I’m sure you could go back home. Don’t let ur situation hold you back from being happy and starting your life. Take chances as you ever know.
I think if you’re in a toxic situation already, moving in with someone you haven’t been with long could make that much worse. It’s important to establish independence, and to heal from the situation you’re in before setting up house with someone you’re not absolutely sure you’re gonna be compatible living with.
What will happen to your siblings if you leave? Will they end up going to the state as wards if she is not there to take care of them , sounds like mom isn’t there every night to take care of them! I realize you want out and boyfriend sees the abuse there, but over all think how it will turn out if you leave? I know it’s hard but stick with family!
I moved in with my husband but at that time boyfriend we was only talking and dated for about 10 days then I moved in we started to talk and then that same day we ended up in a relationship so if you feel good about it then do it but it has to be something you are okay with and want to do
I did and we are happier than ever and together for 10 years and 2 kids later❤️ all I can say is trust your gut. If you’re questioning it you’re not ready. Take your time and learn more about him before you make such a big commitment.
Can you get either a studio or just a room at a place. Small basic place. See where it goes with yr bf. You will undergo a ton of changes in the next decade. Slow but steady.
My husband and I met in 2014 and 2 weeks later I ended up shattering my ankle and we have lived together ever since.
Don’t move in . You don’t really know him. There are assistance programs to help you
Honestly hun, it’s much to soon. But no matter what it’s your decision. My husband moved in within the first few months, but my situation was also a lot different… I was a single mother and an ex was stalking/harassing me. I mean this dude would walk across my roof late at night early in the morning, flatten my tires, threatened to kill me and my kids.
It’s your call, but from personal experience I wouldn’t do it and I would find a different way out of your current situation.
Your hearts job is to pump blood your brains function is to ignore any flags your gut needs trusting as it never lies! DO WHAT U WANT you are young and while they are your brothers they are NOT your children and at some point u will need to be happy for you
My now husband moved in with me after 3 months of dating. We’ve been together now 8 years and we’re married with a son. No issues ever arose for us. If it feels right then I’d do it.
I think leaving is a good idea, but moving in with your new boyfriend COULD cause a strain on your relationship. Only because you’re not coming in alone, but with your siblings. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t mind and I’m sure he really doesn’t, its a lot of responsibility for him too. This might also make all of his roommates uncomfortable( more people in their house). I think sitting down with everyone together and talking about expectations/responsibilities first and also giving them a time frame would make everyone feel comfortable. Good luck
It works for some people and doesn’t for others. My situation I got pregnant within 3 months of dating and now we have 2 boys and 18 years later. You do what you need to do girl. My only question is your siblings will they be okay too.
Indeed to soon. You setting yourself up for more disappointment my dear. Maintain your independence.
I moved in with my now husband in 4 months it was rocky at first but now we have a little boy and a beautiful marriage. Best husband and father ever. If your boyfriend is trying to get you out of the situation he sees you in sounds like he’s a pretty good guy.
Personally, as tempting as it is, no. 4 months isn’t enough time to know him well enough. I know he wants to help but even if you leave, what happens to your brothers?
Your best bet is to go to Social Services and get help.
Tell your mother you aren’t paying for her children anymore unless she steps up and does her job. If she fails, report her.
Nobody is saying you can’t have a bf, but, if you leave, can you afford that and your brothers? If you don’t work to correct their home life you’ll be doing it all from somewhere else.
If the boys are old enough, make a chore list. Everybody lives there, everybody chips in. Period.
Look for ways to save money if you’re buying clothes and food. As for as bills, tell your mother you’ll pay a portion but you won’t pay it all. Either she steps up or DSS will get involved.
My boyfriend basically moved in with me from day one. He stayed with me everynight but it was still a few months before we officially said he lived there or whatever. And here we r almost 11 years together with 3 children. But idk if I would want to leave my siblings like that. I’d be too worried about them and how they r being taken care of. Weigh everything out 1st
I did that exact thing and I trusted my gutt that the guy I loved loved me back. I’ve been married for 33 years best decision I made
I was in the same position when my now hubby of 11 years asked me the same thing. We talked every day for 2 months before meeting in person, dated 4 months and I had to move. He told me he didn’t want to lose me so we decided to make the choice of living together. He was, and still is, my best friend. We have 4 kids together. Everyone says “too soon” but it honestly depends on the relationship you have. We got married at 10 months of being together, and like I said we have now been married for 11 years.
Wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you decide on
I moved in my my boyfriend after 3 months. We are now married with two children almost 8 years later.
I only moved that fast because I knew in my gut it was the right thing to do. You have to go with your gut!
I’d normally say do what’s best for you but your a huge part of your siblings life n they’ve come to depend know you n your basically their 2nd mom id ask bf if you could bring siblings with n file for custody if them so you can get state help start keeping records of what your mom does n doesn’t do hugs
I moved in with my boyfriend 5 years ago, I was in a toxic household as well. He’s also my first ever healthy relationship, we have a 2 year old son and still doing well. It really depends on you two
No. You’ll be jumping from one fire to another. Ready to move out, then do so alone. Don’t continue to be responsible for another person.
Don’t move in with him bcuz of your current situation. Move in with him bcuz you love him and see a future with him. And get some counseling for yourself. I’ve done it and it helps tremendously. Good luck.
It is situational. If you were my friend/daughter, I would say really think about it because people don’t really start showing their true colors until 4+ months into a relationship. You don’t want to jump front one bad situation into another. Sometimes “help” can be sign if controlling behavior.
That being said…I married my husband 6 months from our first date. We were engaged after 2 months, moved in together after 4 months and were married at 6 months. We will celebrate 22 YEARS together next month (4/29) and have 5 kids….4 together (18, 16, 11, 9.5) and
my step daughter was 7 when we got married…
Try to make an intellectual decision about all of this not just an emotional reaction that you may or may not regret.
Good luck!
You have to do what’s best for YOU. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! Just don’t move in with him only to escape your current situation. If you do it, do it because you make one another happy and it’s what you both want to do. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s to soon either. I met and married my husband within 2 months and it’s the happiest and healthiest relationship that I’ve ever been in!
With that said, if you’re unsure about moving in with him, you could petition the court for guardianship of your younger siblings. If granted, you would qualify for all kinds of community assistance… food stamps, medical, rental assistance, utility assistance etc. There are even agencies that will help you find a home and get set up in that home with security deposit and rent as well as with furniture.
Be careful honestly … just cause he hasn’t shown signs yet doesn’t mean anything. My ex was like that until he moved into my home and it was a nightmare. I suggest doing a background check on him etc.
I may not have been in a toxic environment previously but I moved in with my boyfriend after a month and a half with my 3 boys. Trust your gut. Good luck
I moved in with my now husband after only dating for 3 months. Best decision I had ever made. We are coming up on our 3 year anniversary being married and been together 5 years now. When we moved in I felt like it was way too fast but looking back at it, I do not regret it at all. He is my better half.
Your Mom needs to reimburse you of the expenses pertaining to your siblings, If she has a job. If she’s on state assistance, then the funds for the children are supposed to be used for their clothes, food and living expenses. Tell her to hand over the money every month, or your moving out. They’ll be no more free child care from you.
I did at 18. We ended up marrying and having two beautiful children. Together 10 years but still completely worth it. He definitely rescued me from my family and taught me alot
No 18 months 2 years at the very least IMO
Honestly I wouldn’t, I get the situation your in is bad, but try maybe 211 for some housing options I just don’t think In four months you have seen his true colors .
Not dumb but definitely taking a risk. 4 months is still honeymoon stage. You both mean well but I highly recommend you concentrate on bettering and taking care of your own self. After growing up so dysfunctional there’s no better feeling than doing you and becoming the successful person you always dreamed about. Best of luck to you and stay focused, you can do this!
Don’t move in,Pray because God Can do more than your boyfriend 
y’all are in our Prayers
Everyone seems to be talking about how lucky they were because they moved in with their boyfriend early on in the relationship. They also talked about how they have children and he’s a great father. I hope you are not fantasizing about your own children because you are way too young and if money is a problem now it will definitely be a problem then. Do not move in with him.
don’t do it. i know the responsibility of caring for your brothers is a lot but who is gonna be there for them if you aren’t? if you move into your own place you’re going to have way more expenses every paycheck. and what if it doesn’t work out with this guy? you need to be in a situation you can handle 100% on your own, and not rely on someone else for anything. good luck
I would wait until you are really comfortable and ready. Like previously stated if you are questioning it then you probably aren’t ready. When you are ready you will just know. I moved across the country will my husband (then boyfriend) after we had been dating for 4 months. I was not living in a situation like you are, but I knew he was the one and I felt comfortable. 3 years later and we were married with two girls (I already had a son). We have now been together coming up on 10 years and been married for 6 1/2 years.
You’re going to move from one house of taking care of your siblings to another taking care of grown men. Just FYI.
I am really sorry that you are in a bad situation but you could be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire…this would put you under the control of a man…I say stick it out and see how the relationship progresses
My good friend did this as well, she’s is now married to him and has been for 7 years.
No. Unless you’ve been engaging in friendship or known him well for years, moving in at 4 months is really soon. You’d barely know him and realistically, most relationships don’t last long (things are super new/ fun) so you could easily end up in a situation you don’t want to be in. At least with a year + of being together, you usually have an idea of how each other is and have made it quite some time.
Of you feel like u want to and like to, go For it, we Did after 3 month and lived together ever since (10years now) u do What feels Good For you not What feel or look Good to others Good luck
If he is offering and not pushing you into, do it. I had to move in with my now husbands with in a monthish of meeting, and yes it has been a roller-coaster of a ride; but we made it work.
It’s not dumb but it’s definitely risky.
4 months is way too soon to move in with someone, even if things suck where you currently are. If your mother is abusive, you need report it and get that sorted out first. I know she’s your mom, but abuse is abuse and you and your brothers don’t deserve that. You can’t make rush decisions like moving in with someone after only knowing them for about four months because you may end up regretting it. Four months is nowhere near enough time to get to know someone enough to move in.
Yes. You need to stay and help until youngest brother gets a job. The other brothers if working should be helping provide for their needs with a part of their money. I grew up with a bipolar mother and if she wasnt in mental institution she was preoccupied with self not us kids.
I think your Mom needs some mental help. You should not be raising your siblings while she parties. As a last resort get CPS involved because it doesn’t sound like they are going to be in a good place later on. Someone needs to intervene. 
I moved in with my husband at around 4mo. That first year was HARD and it bled into the second year. My husband and I have been together for 15yrs now, BUT, I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s a lot to take on. And, you’ll still be dealing with your family (brothers) and that’s just extra stress. Don’t do it.
No, this is a very fragile situation. I mean, I’m for you getting a break because you sure deserve one but I’m not sure you will find it there. While you all get along now, you haven’t had to deal with the day to day issues of living together and running a household. Add in other people living there, their problems and personalities and I’m not sure you are going to get the help and peace you deserve. Is there the option on just you two getting a one bedroom? Because that sounds better than living with others. Also, it sounds like he is barely making it too, you don’t need the financial stress of two households.
Also, sometimes (and I’m not saying he will) when people see you being abused, they always promise they would never do it to you but end up doing it anyway and in you are wanting to get away and you will be weighing one bad situation with the next when neither are good.
So, be very careful here and don’t rush, it’s only been 4 months. And what about your siblings? They are not your responsibility but you don’t seem like the type to just leave them. Good luck.
Don’t do it.
Work on being able to support yourself. In case it goes south you can’t get out and be on your own. Last thing you want is to leave a bad situation for a really bad situation.
I understand why you help with your brothers, but you aren’t obligated to help raise them nor take care of them.
Id say no, it seems he doesnt want you to stop helping your family, i know its not your responsibility, but what happens to your brothers if you leave? Your boyfriend should not be trying to move you away from your family and then act like he cant pay for an apartment either??
I think you should wait awhile. Most people change when you move in together for sum reason
omg Nooooo hunee dont do it in Jesus name 
Tbh you can be with someone for a couple of years and when you move in together they can become ar*eholes I know people who have only been together a couple of months and got engaged and were married within 6 months and they are still going strong years later, so as much as people will give you advice (normally don’t do it cos you don’t know him when in fact you may not even really know him after years unless he wants you to) the only one who can make the decision is you, listen to what your gut is telling you as its not often wrong (heart and head often are). You ma move in with him and it’s the best thing ever or you may wait a year then move in and find it’s the biggest mistake of your life sadly noone really knows what will happen till we do it. Good luck x
I knew my husband for 6 months, we were engaged at 6 months and now married for 10 years. He helped me and I helped him. We are a team! Do you see it working out for the better or do you have bad vibes about this man? If you do move in with him, you guys get your own apartment. Do not live with his roommates! Also, it wouldn’t hurt to check your local court records website to see if this man has been in any legal troubles like not paying bills, to drugs and even domestic violence. Some people are legit good people and there are still good men out there! Just be smart about it!
Hey so my opinion may not matter but I was in same boat but different I ended up dating my one night Stander had baby with him got married now I can’t seem to get rid of him lmao (*joke) married 2018 our first kid born 2018 second baby born 2020 3rd baby still incubating…about ready to pop… honestly girl i would take ur chances let your bf be a stepping stone
My boyfriend and I moved in together when we had been dating for 7 months. 7.5 years later and we are happily married with a 3 year old. They are my best friends. I would say trust your gut feeling. That is what I did and it was the best decision I ever made.
Moved in with my current partner at about 3 months. We are still together almost 2yrs later with no issues.
So, in this scenario will your brothers end up in the custody of child welfare services for neglect since your mother sleeps outside the home? While I realize that it’s not lawfully your “problem” and that you should be free to enjoy the fruits of your labor (the money you earn) as well as your life, I’m not sure this would be a wise solution. If you need to leave, in my opinion, you would be far better off looking for a roommate without romantic ties, otherwise, you may be in the same boat down the road if this relationship doesn’t work out. Good luck!
You are not obligated to raise your siblings no matter how much you
Love them. But I’m sure everyone understands if you stay but this could be a great opportunity for you.
What does help when he can mean?
Can he afford to pay bills himself ?
I would normally say no but I’m saying hell yes in this situation. You’re in your early 20s and don’t need to be raising your siblings and wasting what’s supposed to be a fun time in your life. Go stay with the boyfriend, have fun, save up money Incase it doesn’t work out. Who cares if you’ve only been together 4 months. There are people commenting on this right now telling you no way don’t do it that waited years to live w their man and are probably getting cheated on.
My partner and I moved in with each other after maybe a month of dating as he ended up having family move in, we now have been together for going on 5 years with an almost 4 year old. If you feel like you can trust this guy I’d say go for it 
but is it really fair to leave your brothers to also deal with your mother’s mental health when 2 aren’t even old enough to get a job? Why has the one that is old enough to get a job not gotten a job and been helping care for the other two?