If this man includes your children and knows they come with you as part of the deal. Then choose him! Your kids will appreciate that, your kids will want you to be loved, they NEED to see you love yourself and have a man who appreciates you. This isn’t up choosing your happiness over your children, this is you choosing happiness for your children and you! Your husband had years and if just didn’t work, that’s okay if happens, your kids have both parents still,and always will! But you being cared for will help them in the long run as well, you’re not forgetting them infect you’ve found a man who wants them along with you.
Happy moms raise happy children. Your happiness is so important as the foundation for how you raise your children. You’re not being selfish because you’re going to create a happier environment to raise your kids in. Your ex husband would probably just take you for granted all over again if you took him back.
You are putting your kids first. Kids would prefer to see 2 parents happy, whether that’s together or seperate. My mum and dad tried to stay together for the sake of us and all I remember is arguments, my mum cheating and my dad basically going slightly insane by cutting her clothes, getting drunk alot etc. His reason was “I tried to make it work for the you lot” but it just ended bitterly. Please do what makes you happy good luck x
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I put my happiness before my kids?
If your unhappy children can feel that better to be happy in 2 homes rather than miserable in 1 but that’s my opinion
Better to be happy. Divorce and move on.
happy mother happy children
If you are unhappy your children can feel that to 2 homes are better than one an the kids will adjust quiet easy you deserve to be happy an felt loved not just a option you do what best for you
You can’t be a great mom if you’re unhappy
Oxygen mask principle
Your happiness affects your childrens happiness
Youre not being selfish.
Your children would want you to be happy xxxx
Tell him that you have moved on and want the next decade to be a lot happier than the last. Don’t feel guilty to say that and don’t let him get too much information just yet. You and your children deserve to be happy !
Two happy parents separated is better than two miserable parents together. Kids pick up and tension and they will act out. Do what makes you happy!
Go for what’s right , your children will pick up on your unhappiness. Better to have 2 loving homes than 1 miserable one for them x
NO. Let him be just a father. We no longer sacrifice our lives for our children. Joint physical and financial custody is best.
My advice: staying together/getting back together for the sake of the kids can make things worse in the long run. It’s better for the kids to see 2 happy parents (together or not) than to experience the tension and animosity.
Having happy parents is better than growing up with ur parents together
Your happiness MUST come first for you to raise happy children.
Do what makes you happy. Don’t want to teach your children that they should stay with someone because you have children together even if you aren’t happy. Would never want my kid to end up in a loveless relationship because that’s what his parents did…
Girl, I did it for 12 years. I wanted my children to have the unbroken family. I was miserable. At a very young age, my youngest son would comment all of the time “mommy, you look sad”. Best advice I can give, you are doing it for you AND your children.
You don’t stay together for the kids! I did and my kids are messed up, my son doesn’t have a clue as to how a man should act or take care of his own family, he has ptsd from the verbal abuse we suffered . So no it isn’t good, I stayed for 35 years now I’m 58 and have started my life over because I won’t be treated bad ever again
Being raised by parents that don’t really love each other is not a healthy environment for kids to grow up, in my opinion. Anyone I know that grew up like this resents marriage and the idea of long term anything/ kids because they never learned the “right” way to do things
You being away from him and getting a divorce isn’t only going to be better for the kids but for your health
Their father can still play an active role in their life and not be your partner . Life is too short , be happy
So you think it’s a good idea to raise them in an unhappy home? The children need a happy loving home, not one just cause you feel bad for the dad, you are happy and loving yourself finally and why give that up? The children will live, love and learn more in a stable loving environment.
If you are happy they will be too
Kids deserve a happy mom and dad.
Staying with your partner for the sake of children is bad for the children.
Your happiness includes your kids!! Trust me if you’re not happy you’re not doing your kids any favors!!! If this man is including your kids as part of the package then he’s a keeper. You already know what your life was like. It’s that what you want to go back to?? Move ahead.
They deserve a happy mom. As long as you don’t put the new guy before them than you’re fine. Be happy, get a divorce and coparent the best you can with your soon to be ex
Well if mama aint happy the kids feel that so ur happiness is important. And it hurt them when u split so if ur not happy there your babies willnt be. But I bet they r happy now too without dad. They can see him. So ur not doing nothin wrong live ur life so u can live for your kids.
I am a child of parents that shut have gotten a divorce. Please do it for the children. Parents that are happy are better parents
If you arent happy. They wont be either. They need to see a healthy relationship As part of their normal
You will have to have hard conversations but in my experience it was the best thing I ever did and I dont regret it one bit.
Do not go back for the sake of the kids. I did. I left my ex husband in 2016 because of issues I had begged to be addressed for years, only to be told it was me and I was wrong for feeling the way I felt. So I left, came back when he made promises to fix things, knowing I no longer loved him or wanted to be with him, but thinking my son who was 6 at the time deserved a United family and that was what was best. So for another 18 months I struggled, none of the promises he made were ever addressed, his issues were swept under the rug and expected that we not discuss them, and I broke the following year… when my child told me I never smiled except when I was with him, and started repeating the things his dad would say when I was at work about me not wanting to be a part of their family anymore. I wish I had never stayed as long as I did, because my son still remembers how tense and cold our home was. His dad is a good dad, and I try my best every day, and apart we are much more functional and happy than we were together. So YES, it’s much better to have two happy parents who are divorced from each other than it is to have two miserable parents who are married just for the sake of the kids. We do more damage staying together when we shouldn’t.
Good luck and congratulations on your new relationship. Be careful proceeding with it until your paperwork is filed. Just because you forgave your husband his affair doesn’t mean he will forgive you this new relationship. If your state is an at fault state for marriage, it could negatively impact you… I hope you filed articles of separation with the court already.
Keeping yourself miserable is not the answer. In order for your kids to be happy, you have to be happy as well.
Marriage is not always easy. I got married through the Church. I made a promise for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health til death do you part. Vows made in front of God. I was married 36 years. It wasn’t always easy. At times it was very hard. But I kept my vows. Marriage is not something that is only you and the husband. It is three. You, the husband and God. You become one. It is everyone’s choice what you believe but I kept my vows. God took him home 4 1/2 years ago.
Would you want your children to stay with someone they weren’t happy with? Probably not, do you want them to strive for happiness? Yes, you would. We all love our children but this is your relationship and your choice you need to do what’s right for you. The kids will be fine divorce is not the end of the world xx
He would just have to learn how to co-parent I would not go back because of the kids. You have to be happy for them to be happy.
Just be very careful because someday you might regret it if you see him and a new woman playing happy families with your children it will be too late. The very fact that your writing here tells me that your heart is still unsure so be very careful about this as it is you and your families future and as much as this new man is nice every new relationship is nice at the beginning but unfortunately he can’t be to those children the same way their real daddy is. When I got with my husband he already had a 3 Yr old daughter and I’ve seen the hurt and damage it does as she grew up between 2 homes it had a really negative emotional effect on her I’m just been honest. It does effect the kids. Sometimes it takes a wake up call to wake people up. Ye are together a long time so my advise is pray and ask God for help with your marriage and guide you, go to councilling together perhaps and try sort out yer differences whatever the outcome this will help ye with rearing yer beautiful children. And you might rediscover something. Men find it very hard to show their feelings but they do care all the same. Wishing you all the best and I pray it all works out for you. God bless xxxx
Your happiness is very important to make your kids happy! See who you wanna see, don’t pay any attention to his begging. If he wants to be in the kids lives, let him but that doesn’t mean you need to go back to him
Leave him stay with the mew men
The kids deserve a happy mom, but I also believe you should seek marriage counseling and try to save a marriage before a divorce .If that fails then yes move on.
I’ve been there, done that! Unwanted advice, love yourself and get YOU and your kids emotionally where you need to be. Don’t jump from the frying pan into the skillet. I wouldn’t openly date until I was divorced (also speaking from my own mistakes). You do you, work on a co parenting plan. The more co parents can work together, show a United front the better. It might not happen overnight while emotions are still raw, but strive for that goal. Be happy, life is short, and don’t blink because these precious years when kids are little go by sooo quickly! Good Luck!
Kids deserve happy healthy parents. Because happy healthy parents raise, happy healthy children. That being said… you going back with there father while he makes you miserable IS NOT THE WAY TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN. … especially now. You’ve tasted freedom, love, and everything nice haven’t you? … if you go back to the situation you were before with your children’s father you will be spiraling into depression most likely, and that does not raise happy healthy children does it? … so you being “selfish” right now, is you being selfless. And understanding that it’s for the greater good in the end.
Reading your story sounds like my marriage of 18 years… but I never met anyone nor care to. I’ll tell you the way he treats you like your nothing is not good for your children trust me I stayed way to long and wasted my life and my children. Don’t feel bad because your teaching your children that a woman should be treated with respect and treated right. Your children seeing you happy is a good thing. As long as your children are happy and treated good enjoy
When it comes to an unhappy and unhealthy marriage the best thing is to seperate if only one party is putting in the effort it’s best for the kids too. Just make a custody plan with your ex husband and get on with life. Things will fall into place if they’re meant to
Your kids ALWAYS come first.
Kids grow up more miserable being around unhappy parents and you’ll be teaching them to settle for unhappiness. Divorce your husband and keep seeing this new guy. As long as you continue to put your kids before this new man they’ll be happy and then they’ll have the opportunity to have a happy mom and 2 dads. Being a mom doesn’t automatically mean you have to stop living your life and can’t ever think about whats good for yourself. Leave that bum
Remember that the kids will watch your relationship and learn from that. I’m not saying one is right or wrong. But honestly, I grew up with parents that lived together as roommates. They were never intimate as far as I know for a long time. I always thought when I graduated that my parents would divorce. But they are so financially stuck they can’t. Yes they love each other, but the passion is gone. I feel for both of them.
When the fought, I couldn’t help but think it was because of me or things me and my siblings did.
Do what your heart tells you. Your kids should know what a loving marriage is.
You can’t take away from him that he’s a good father, but you need a partner. Hope this helps. Best of Luck to you
You deserve happiness.
Im in this same relationship. So i feel ya. Just havent had the courage to leave yet because of me being currently pregnant with his 2nd child
If you’re happy with your new man they will be too. Don’t go back, they can sense when you’re happy/sad
Having a miserable parent will just make a child miserable as well.
That was an unhealthy relationship. You deserve love too . As long as your kids are happy and well taken care of , do you ! Don’t go back to that miserable life .
Take the new path. “Staying together for the children” is not the answer… they can see you’re suffering. They may not associate it with their Dad at 1st but nevertheless it’s there. Your happiness will make them happier in the long run. It’s not like their father will be cut out completely, he will always be their father and no one will replace him as that. Trust me I’ve been there. I’m no professional or anything, but I’ve been there, and my son was much happier when I was.
I’m going to be the odd man out…
Have you tried counseling? Sometimes some people need a non interested party to rock their world and say “You will lose this person unless you show them consistent attention and help with the home and family YOU claim to want to have and build.”. You said he’s a great provider and dad. But…
He may end up being a shitty co-parent. Which will be hard on you and your kids.
And I’m going to say that the new guy shouldn’t even be a consideration yet when it comes to a big decision about your family. It’s only been six months with him. My ex didn’t show his true colors until we got married after being together a little over 3 years and living together for a year and a half. The new guy may not be around in another 6 months.
You said your hubby cheated on you in the past. You said you chose to forgive him and move past it. If he learned from that massive screw up and hasn’t done it again, then that shouldn’t be a part of your decision now. You already made your decision on that.
You ABSOLUTELY deserve to have a happy and healthy life, relationship and home.
Your kids ABSOLUTELY deserve to grow up in a happy and healthy home.
And I’m also going to say, if you want a date night, then set it up girl! That’s not just on him. Being an equal partner (which you said you want) means being an equal lover.
We didn’t cause the sexual revolution or free the tiddies for nothing!
Good luck. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Don’t go back. Don’t look at it as putting your happiness before your children, because you aren’t. You are finally putting your happiness before a man that didn’t care. It is better for your children to see you happy and with a partner that shows you and makes you feel loved, rather than watching you be miserable with their father. Witnessing that, will help mold how they are in relationships when they get older.
I’m all for trying to make it work but I would have been out the day I found out he cheated. So in your scenario I would move on and find happiness. Kids are so resilient and they’ll adjust to whatever you decide. But don’t stay in a unhealthy/unhappy marriage for kids, that’s never a good choice.
By putting yourself first, you are putting them first. Kids need a happy mom not a miserable one. Two happy homes is better than one miserable one.
Putting your happiness above your children in this situation, is actually putting your childrens happiness right up there with yours. The happier you are the happier and better supported your children will be
If you aren’t happy your kids aren’t happy. Separation and divorce is hard and will be an adjustment for them but ultimately, like many other have said, they will be happier and more well adjusted growing up with a healthy model of a relationship. Most kids who have grown to adults whose parents stayed together for the kids say they wish their parents would have divorced and been happier. I’m going through the same thing and although 3/4 of my kids are older (18,17,13 and I’ve got a 4 year old) they all have said that they are glad me and their dad have separated because they can see we are better NOT together. We can be better parents and people in general.
Choose your own happiness… but also don’t take the kids from their dad. Become great coparents… But don’t pretend to love him… definitely leave and make yourself happy. You can be with the new guy and have a healthy co-parenting situation as well. Best of luck
Don’t go back to your ex based on your kids. It will ruin your life and there’s because theyl see how unhappy you are. Stay in your current relationship and be happy. Choose happiness !! Your kids wil thank u for it in the long run.
Know this new man at least three years before you get married. Your infatuation with him could be due to a rebound effect where you are not seeing his faults, or maybe he senses what you need as a method of grooming you and your kids for abuse.
Be careful. It’s often best to be single after a breakup to grow, analyze what went wrong, your role in it, and what you can do to prevent the problems in the future. I’m concerned this new guy is moving too fast and you’ve integrated him into your kids lives awfully early, which will devastate them if you break up in the future.
One of the best ways to get to know someone is to talk about money, what it represents to each of you and how you spend it. Do not give him access to your bank accounts or even show them to him. Do s he gamble? Drink a lot? Have an expensive hobby? Major child support payments? A string of failed relationships? Any retirement accounts? Plans for retirement? Talk long-term dreams and how you plan to reach them. Paying for college for kids? A second vacation home? Travel? Age to retire? What happens when health declines (and it will—look at your family history to see what might be most likely). Any cushion in case of job loss or catastrophe?
Have you Googled him? Met his ex and kids if he had them? Met his friends and family? We tend to only see a person’s good points and fulfiller of what we were missing at the beginning of a relationship and ignore the other details.
In any case, make sure you know you are enough on your own and that you can support your family by yourself so you are never forced to stay with someone because of being financially dependent.
Also look into how exposing your kids to the new guy might affect your divorce and custody. Please be as safe, wise, and informed as possible.
Make the change and don’t look back…… you deserve to be happy …. Your teaching your children a valuable lesson…… don’t let others take advantage of you …… your strong …. You can do this .
Happy wife happy life
Keep pushing forward and don’t look back. Your kids deserve a happy momma and happy home. They will feed off of you and your emotions. Work on loving yourself. Give yourself grace and make the decisions that are best for you and the kids. It won’t be easy, but it will all work out and be okay. ((hugs)) from Orlando, FL.
You don’t need to be together for both parents to have an active role in your children’s lives. Just learn to healthy co parent and your children will be hapy
You don’t have to be in an unfulfilling relationship for your kids. You need happiness .
Your children don’t deserve to see their mother depressed and mistreated. Theres no shame. This isn’t for your children. Being happy for them is for your children. Seeing you strong, independent and happy is for your children.
Happy Mom, happy Children
Take care of yourself and your kids. No one else matters NO ONE
It’s better than being in a toxic relationship for Mom and Children . Been there
Looks like you got do you for a min. If your healthy your kids will be healthy!
My husband never give me flowere .candy r any type gift we live together 29 yr werd married the 29 yrs he pass 28 yrs ago of cancer but left me widow benefit military cojld not ask for anything more i m set af 75
Yup. If you are miserable in your situation then your kids will be too.
Your kids cannot be happy growing up in an unhappy home. If you are constantly depressed & insecure, and your husbands lacks any acknowledgement of you as someone special I’m sure the kids notice and if not yet, they for sure will! Kids should be shown by actions what it’s like to love and be loved, especially as they get older they will be looking upon y’alls relationship for guidance. You don’t want them settling for less or treating someone else insignificant thinking that’s how its suppose to be bc that’s what they’ve seen in your marriage. I firmly believe that kids can be more happy with divorces parents than in a home with unhappily married parents.
Been there! RUN n leave the “past” behind u! Ur children will be n do fine!
Think of it this way: your kids need a good role model to look up to and by this man treating you right, it will teach them how to treat their partner one day!
I find it is the daily things my sweetie does that shows me Im loved. He has never got me flowers and I dont mind. Flowers die, I would rather get small daily things.
They deserve a happy mom!
Don’t go back to your husband he cheated on you, he never looked at you as his wife, video games and his friends are mor important. Stay with your current boyfriend . Go get a divorce. Be happy, but make sure your husband gets to see the kids.
Theres none out there that will love your kids, and take care of you, fix what’s broken…
All I will say is Im much happier and so is my son now. I was married for 18 yrs. Separated when I was pregnant due to stress on my pregnancy. NEVER thought I’d be a single mom but I’m happy. Been divorced 3 yrs and met a great guy a yr ago who is amazing to me and my son. He’s the best “dad” I could ask for, my ex doesn’t have any contact. He treats me so wonderful!
I stayed for the kids big mistake
Youre kids will be happy if you are. No reason they can’t see their father if he makes the effort to stay in their lives.
My parents divorced when I was 19 and I truly wished they would have before I was 8.
Do not do it just for the kids. You need to be happy, kids will adjust and be happy.
You deserve to be happy as well. And you want to set an example of how love should be.
You both can still be good parents and not be together! Your kids deserve to see their mom happy .
Happy mom equals happy kids.
Your kids deserve a happy mom. They should see you being loved and respected by your partner, and your husband doesn’t sound like he treats you well. I just couldn’t live that way.
Never stay in a toxic/ unhappy relationship for the kids, kids know!
Once you take the trash out, Do not bring it back in the house…
You know the answer. Be with the man who will love you.
Its only been a few months like c’mon when meeting someone for the 1sr time Of course they are guna be on their best behavior and shower you with gifts and romance Farout haven’t you learnt from the last one Lmao
Divorce that man and get your happily ever after girl!!
Why would you go back. Duh
As far as human beings are concerned, it is very simple for us. There are only two things that we need to worry about. One is “Love” the other “fear”. One of these two emotions is the ultimate cause of everything that has ever happened to you, for you or near you.
Every positive thing that has ever taken place in your life is the result of some sort of Love; every negative, some sort of fear. It seems like the more simple the idea, the more abstract it appears. I think that we really are too smart for our own good sometimes. After more than thirty years of searching for the meaning of Love, someone finally gave a definition that made sense. They said Love is when you have no ill will towards a person. Simple enough statement right? I ask that you stop here for a moment to really grasp what was just said. It might be the most important lesson you ever learn. The most striking thing for me is that it’s how I feel about you, not how you feel about me. I thought that in order to feel Loved, I needed to find someone that would Love me or give their Love to me. Notice that every time I use the word Love it’s capitalized, this is not a typo. I was taught that God is Love. Love is an aspect of God & therefore He is the source or “cause” of Love. What a tremendous relief! I spent more than thirty years trying to wrestle Love away from other human beings & failed miserably. For the past few years, with this new found understanding of Love, I have a fantastic relationship. No fighting & arguing, lying & cheating; no abuse or neglect; nobody is taking advantage of anybody; no one is being taken for granted. And why? Is it because I found the perfect girl? Or is it because I have a better understanding of Love? Here is the answer: No one is perfect! I don’t demand that she Love me, in fact I don’t need or expect her to. Why? Because God is Love! I get Love from God & as long as I give that Love freely to others, never, ever expecting anything in return (that’s what “give freely” means), then God keeps giving me more. God is the source of Love, not my girlfriend. She is the opportunity that God gave me to demonstrate (or manifest - covered later) His Love. If you don’t believe in God yet, that’s ok, just stop trying to pry Love away from other people. Try to just simply let it exist inside of you & then live by the principle of giving rather than getting.
Welcome to the sunshine . Enjoy!