2 separate happy households is better for them then one unhappy household.
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Dump the husband, sounds like you and your kids are happy, not just you! 
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Ask Godâs to show you the answer, the grass looks green on the other side but not
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Stay where u are, your kids will be fine.
I swear this was my exact life⊠he even had my 5 year old telling me she wanted me and her dad to live together⊠GO BE HAPPY. I had the same regret and felt horrible and cried for months bc I felt like I was taking my kids from him. My daughter is now 10 and she hasnât been to her dadâs for more than an hour in 2 yrs⊠my son was just 3 months old when I left and heâs now 6 and he loves going to his dadâs BECAUSE HE BUYS HIM TONS OF VIDEO GAMES⊠my daughter gave me hell for years about me leaving her dad and told me it was all my fault. When I was miserable and couldnât even be a great mom to my kids! I had post partum so bad that I wanted to give my newborn away to my sister⊠I called him crying while he was working night shift and told him I couldnât do it. Both kids were crying and so was i⊠I knew he couldnât come home but I couldnât do it. He did take off for the next 3 days so he was off wed thur fri sat and sunday⊠HE DISNT HELP ME ONE BIT he sat there and played his VIDEO GAMES while I struggled⊠that done it for me⊠I left the following week and didnât look back
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Leave him. Heâs a narcissist. Iâm not saying once a cheater always a cheater. But once somebody cheats on you once they will do it again.
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Happy mom = happy children. Believe it or not your happiness/unhappiness rubs off on your kids, especially that young, and will impact them more than you think
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If your happy your children will be happy. They will see and feel how unhappy you are if you stay with your husband. As long as they see both parents regularly and are not used as pawns theyâll be 100% happier too.
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You canât be the best mom to your babies if you arenât happy. Making your happiness a priority is putting your kids first. 
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BE HAPPY. I know it sounds trite, but your EX lost you. He didnât care about you or your feelings. That wonât change. So⊠be happy !!! Choose Happiness⊠or at least the chance
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Honestly your children deserve to see what a happy Relationship. Kids know more than you think! Be happy
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Damn video games will kill a marriage. I donât get how grown ass fathers can justify playing video games versus being a good husband and father
Kids need a happy mom
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Your kids will be happier seeing someone love their mom right and youâll be the best parent you can be because youâre happy. Dad doesnât have to cut himself out, as you shouldnât cut him out either but he doesnât need to be married to you to be a parent.
From personal experience, your kids would rather see you happy with someone else than unhappy with their father. I donât see this situation really as you putting your happiness above your childrenâs happiness. Itâs very important for your children to grown up seeing you happy. You can still be an amazing mother and he can still be an amazing father⊠that doesnât mean that you have to be together. It sounds like youâve addressed the issues with your husband and he just didnât care enough to work on those issues. If he didnât care over the last 10 years, he wonât care over the next 10 years. If you choose to reconcile with your husband, the life you have lived, will continue to be the life you live. It may be different for a few weeks or even a few months, but he is who he is. You should not feel any guilt for making your happiness a priority!!
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Trust me, your husband is a narcissist. If you keep him around all the time, not only will you suffer from it and be unhappy, your children will too. If your husband still wants to be involved, he will find a way. Thatâs not your decision. Make yourself happy now so your kids have a chance to see what real love looks like
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You need to be happy and healthy in order for your kids to be happy and healthy.
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You have your ex 10yrs. and he show appreciation for you so now youâve moved on and are happy you go girl. You are teaching your children to love and be loved in a good stable environment it sounds - if mommy is healthy and happy her children will be as well. You arenât taking your kids out of their dadâs life he did that all on his own but if he wants to have a relationship with his kids and they want it there is legal ways of going about that - visitation through court - but misery likes company just donât be his company let him go and go forward with your happiness. Good luck.
He cheated⊠You should have walked away at that point. Clearly, he prioritized spending his time and energy on another female and not his wife and kids at home.
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You need to go a marriage counseling, there are allot of churches, and professional people available, if he doesnât which to go with you then you need to yourself. If you are seeing someone else you pretty much have made a few choices, as far as your children the confusion of the trouble marriage, they very aware of unhappiness specially the 6 year old children are more aware than you thing, this may be a hard road to travel but there can be a better life after all is settled no matter which way you go. MOST IS IMPORTANT DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR SELF ESTEEM YOU ARE NOT DOING YOURSELF OR YOUR CHILDREN ANY GOOD. Been there!!
You being happy makes your kids happy. Theyâllj love having a guy thatâs making mumma happy and doing things with them. Itâll all work out
If you donât love him, and I understand, please donât make the mistake of going back with him. Your children will be fine, and will see what a loving relationship is
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So he couldnât make time for you but found time for another woman? Screw that! Being young is not an excuse, my husband and I have been married 11+years and married at 17, he has always made us a priority. Iâll be the first to say make a marriage work if possible because I believe in marriage and children having both parents, but not at the cost of losing yourself. Move on, be happy, your kids will be ok. Plenty of kids grow up just fine in split households, just be sure they have adequate time with their father. He has had 10 years to grow up and be the husband you need and he didnât do it, move on. 
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Happy mum = happy kids
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Yes u need to take care of you first ,then your children when it comes to mental health.xo
No, I only read the first line and no, your kids will grow up and leave. So do whatâs best for you because more likely it will be whatâs best for them.
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Yes, yes, yes! You are teaching your kids that it is okay to stay in a relationship they are unhappy in. You need to be happy in order for them to truly be happy.
If your daughter came to you with this same story what advice would you give? I would go with that.
You can have your kids and happiness with some one else. Life is to short to be mizerable!
Your kids deserve a happy mother not a shell of a person. Move on, Co-parent and it will be better for everyone involved.
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Just donât forget all relationships are great when they 1st start âŠ
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Donât go back to your husband
Keep doing you. Forget that ex!
Donât go back to what made you miserable. Your kids feed of that negativity. Happy mum happy kids xxx
Pray for God to lead you in the right direction!!!
Never ever stay with someone just because you have kids together. My parents did exactly that and it ruined my entire childhood and completely split our family apart. Itâs my mumâs single biggest regret of her life. Happy mum-happy children. If youâre not good to yourself, you wonât be any good to anyone else.
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Donât stay with someone for the sake of your kids. As a child of divorce I can honestly say that happy parents = happy kids.
Children need a happy mom. And a good example of what a healthy relationship looks like. Your ex can see his kids and still be a good father to them. You donât have to sacrifice your happiness for that. I know from personal experience that staying in an unhappy relationship for kids does more harm than good.
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Happy momma = happy kids! Itâs not better for the kids if itâs not a happy home. Seems like he doesnât do much to be a good father or husband. The new guy actually wants a family with you and makes you feel loved. You said you donât love your husband anymore, heâs neglected your needs for too long. Move on and be happy. Your kids will be probably thank you one day.
Do whats best for you and what makes you happy. Your babies need a happy momna. You shouldnât have to be unhappy with your ex because you have kids together. I think theyâll appreciate seeing you happy and you wonât regret putting yourself first. Its hard as a mom to choose yourself sometimes, but in this case, you need to do whats best for you because in the long run, you being happy will make your babies happy
The reason I left my daughters father was because all I kept thinking is âdo I want my daughter with a man like him?â If the answer is no then leave now and be happy, you wonât regret it!
Hereâs the bottom line with children. They need healthy happy parents. That does not mean their parents need to be together. Sometimes 2 happy homes is better than 1 miserable one. Even 1 happy home in a split parental relationship is better than having a child in a home where the parents are in an unhealthy relationship that makes them unhappy. How you model your thoughts around yourself in the first 6 years is how your child will most likely model their thoughts towards themselves the same way in the rest of their lifes
Finalize the divorce. Your kids need to know what love looks like, even if that does not include their father (in your relationship).
Try to coparent with him and keep him included in their lives.
Your babies deserve the best, and that includes a happy, loved mommy.
If mama ainât happy ainât nobody happy. Itâll hurt them worse to stay and you be miserable because kids can feel your emotions. I know firsthand.
You mentioned that your husband was a good Dad, but a good Dad has to model what a good man/husband/father is. The thing he continually demonstrates is that he is selfish. Why would you want to take your children back into that environment. Maybe he will appreciate them more in scheduled visitation.
What advice would you give your best friend or even your daughter if they came to you with this problem? As a child whose parents stayed together much longer then they should have, please donâtđ its affecting them a whole lot more than you think. They will thank you later on for this, promise
Your kids need to see you happy and in a good place mentally, spiritually and emotionally if leaving their father did that then donât look back, that is the only way you can be the best you for them. And you deserve to be happy, your kids will one day grow up and move out and do what they want with their life. You are not selfish for leaving a relationship where you do not feel loved and appreciated.
Happy separated parents are better than miserable parents who are staying together for the kids, signed me, a child of divorce. Trust me. A good Mom is a happy one.
They deserve a happy mom. Good role models and parenting relationship goals to follow.
I understand you. Iâm going through something similar. Unfortunately they never change. Our kids need us to be happy, kids can feel when we are unhappy and depressed. We need to do whatâs better for us.
You just described my life to a T. I was married one month shy of 18 years and my fiancĂ© has set my world on fire. My ex and I get along and split the kids evenly and thatâs truly the key. If they can see either if you whenever they want, theyâll hardly bat an eye at your new lives. Just stay civil with the ex.
Happy mom = happy kids
My ex husband. Was home but never really there .
Moving on and being happy is no reason to feel guilty
I was with my ex for 7 yrs.
I felt lonely and depressed, forgotten because like I said even when he was home , he wasnât really there .
Meeting my boyfriend and having him around my kids has been the best thing for all of us.
We bond as a family. That right there , i wouldnât give up for anything in the world . He loves and respects my kids even if theyâre not his biologically . Which is another one of the reasons why I love him so much .
Before you make your decision you need to take a break from men. If youâre happier alone than with your husband, then divorce is probably the best for your family. Relying on another person to make you happy only works for a time. * theyre all amazing at firstâŠremember?
It is better for your kiddos to see you happy and seperated than miserable and together.
Nope donât go back, he had his chances. Your kids happiness is important but so is showing them a good example of what a partnership should be, just be aware of âlove bombingâ from this new partner and remember if something is too good to be true it probably is, enjoy your good times with him but also be aware that the good times donât erase the bad and if U do notice any red flags then U can take a step back, donât rush into anything out of loneliness.
Before I got halfway through this post I was already thinking about telling you to find someone who appreciates you. Take that new man and run towards happiness
Your kids will be grown,married and and moved away and if you take hubby back youâll be left with HIM. Make yourself happy too.
I actually went through this exact thing but stayed for 20 years because of the kidsâŠmy kids are now 12, 14, and 17 and say we should have split years ago as weâre better parents now, happier, not toxic anymore and the kids are happier now as well. No fighting or toxic environment. Their dad is even a better parent now. They spend more time with him now than they did when we lived together. Also, my daughters now see what a good relationship looks like vs me settling for abuse and disrespect and my son sees how a woman should be treated. I felt exactly like you at first until my kids pointed out how much better things are. They see and know more than we think.
Unpopular opinion here but just because your love language is one way does not mean that your husbands is the same or has to be the same. Once you stop expecting someone to reciprocate the same actions that you give as your love language then you wonât be disappointed. Take a look at how he was brought up and raise, look at how his parents acted and showed love to eachother. Sometimes all it takes is learning what his love language is and then you can start to appreciate the little things that he does. My SO has never bought me flowers but he helps around the house, my SO doesnât plan date nights but he provides and supports our family, my SO is not a touchy/lovey person but he voices his feelings. Once I stopped expecting him to show me the same kind of love language that I gave him our relationship flourished.
Now when it comes to the cheating that can be a huge issue as to why you are holding resentments towards him(rightfully so) but if you and him do not try to work out those emotions and feelings together in a safe space where you can talk and communicate then you are never going to work.
Wether you and your husband are separated or not NO ONE should be involved with your kids until you have had a chance to fully decide if you are going to be with your husband or not. Itâs only going to confuse your little ones.
This man may be great right now but you are in the honeymoon stage, Iâm sure your husband was the cream of the crop when you first started dating and you said the same exact things back then. Hormones and butterflies will settle and this man may not turn out to be âthe love of your lifeâ once the dust settles and the honeymoon is over.
Honestly in my opinion people run from marriages and relationship way to quickly. You both made a promise to have and to hold. If you havenât exhausted every effort to make your relationship good again and to find happiness in your marriage then I would really sit down and focus on that rather then focusing on another man. After you have gone to therapy/talking everything out and handled all of the hard stuff that it takes to remain in a marriage then you decide wether to leave or not and pursue something with another man.
You have to be a positive role model for your children⊠what you show them is okay they will think is okay⊠also wanna add a few months isnât a long time be carefull men (not all) do change or know how to be fake to get what they want⊠best of luck
If I was you, I would leave him permanently and tell him you werenât happy and of he isnt happy and wants to start fighting with you, simply say Iâll see you in court if you want to play these games, and then immediately RUN away. Donât walk, RUN. Because he sounds like my ex and its just a toxic situation all together. And when you leave, take your babies with you Mama. You have to protect them and they your babies. Good luck to you and you got this. You are a lot stronger than you think you are. I encourage you to look into getting a lawyer if things get ugly after you leave him. Just my advice and something I did when I left my ex. I hope all things work out in the end for you and your babies. Good luck Maâam.
Well first Iâd say his love language is not gift giving, my fiancĂ© also is not a gift giver. As far as video games, join with him. I started playing games with my fiancĂ© and also even join their chats over Xbox live and have become good friends with his friend. My love language is gift giving and Iâve discussed that with my fiancĂ© multiple times that even just a candy bar he thinks Iâll like would give me a little boost of love. Men are odd, counseling is a option but also if you donât love him anymore and you are 100% sure of this, donât carry on with him. Itâs unfair to you and your children because moms need to be happy or else the children do suffer
If itâs not working donât you think the kids see it? Adults donât give kids enough creditâŠthey pick up on everything.
They need a happy mom. Do what makes you happy and they will see the best.
You have to be happy to be a good mom.
If that man had any respect for you he would not be with you since you are still married. He would wait until you are divorced. Dont be fooled by gifts, its still early. Put your kids first and coparent the best yall can. Set an example to your kids of how loving mature adults act, not hot pants Sally already jumping into a relationship when the first one isnt even over yet.
Staying in an unhappy relationship is worse worse trying to make it work for the kids and being miserable. Do what makes you happy. The kids will see you happy and it will in turn make then feel better.
Youâre still married so what youâre doing is actually illegal. If you donât love him then get a divorce. I will not comment on the guy that moved in on a married woman⊠or even how inappropriate 5hat is for your kids to see. This post just very much seems you want out and validation for it. Divorce him but stop stringing him along. Imagine he done this to youâŠ
You can not have happy children without a happy mother. What are you going to do? You going to go back to a man that treats you like you do not matter, or are you going to be happy and in love and even liking yourself again??? Your children can not be happy if their mother is miserable!!! This time you have to look out for you!!!
Staying for the kids is an excuse, I know I used it. You stay because itâs easier, comfortable, you really donât want to be alone. You may yearn for different until you think of paying bills on your own, being sick alone, etc but you find excusesâŠthe best one lying to yourself that you stay for the kids. Guess what? Kids donât want mom and dad together in a broken home. Staying hurts them. They learn to treat significant others the way youâre treated. They learn toxic relationship traits because your marriage is toxic. They will one day resent you for keeping them inthe toxicity. So, stop lying to yourself about why youâre still there
You have only been with this guy a few monthsâ:woozy_face:
Your ex was a terrible cheater. Keep moving on.
Mama you are not alone!
Been there! Done that! Left him! He didnât deserve me. My kids deserved to see me happy and need to know what kind of relationship to strive for. I am now with the most amazing man I canât even put it into words.
My happiness became my biggest priority- it had to be. Out kids adapt and see out happiness and understand it.
My kids were told their parents were separated because they deserved to see us happy to learn what happy looks like and to learn that 1- you donât need a partner to make you 2- what to strive for in a relationship.
My happy is #1 still is
Everyone else is #2
We need to learn to be independent in out happy and teach out kids the same. Yes we find partners and they make us feel happy as well but out happy does not rely solely on them it is bonus happy and they encourage us to be happy and we do the same.
A marriage is not 50/50 it is not 70/30 is 100%/100% both need to put in everything they can into it.
It means one day the your 100 might seem like less but if you put in ad much as you can today even with a migraine then you canât do more than that. We do the best we can with what wr have.
Worst advice âfake it 'til you make itâ which is what many of us spend years doing.
Happy mamma happy kids 
I have been in this exact situation! Definitely choose your happiness. It sounds toxic. Hes begging for you back but it will only be a matter of time, he will be his old self. You deserve to be treated like a queen. Your kids needs to see that
Youâve already moved on n say u donât love him anymore u seem to love yourself n your new life and new relationship. Keep on loving yourself n moving on. Your kids will soon grow up and you will be left with the person you choose! Do what makes u happy and your kids will be happy! Happy mom equals happy life equals happy kids!
Kids are more resilient than you think. Youâre kids deserve to see you happy. As long as they have both parents in there lives thatâs what matters. Donât stay in a relationship just for the kids. Youâre happiness is just as important!
I agree on the âyouâve already made your decision and just want to feel validatedâ. The thing with happiness is your the only one who can make you happy. Other people just contribute to it. If youâre happier apart, your kids will be happier than you staying in a relationship you donât want for your kids.
Take things slow with this new man if heâs what youâre looking for, but make sure you completely find yourself before trying to give yourself to someone else.
As someone whoâs parents stayed together cause they thought it was better for me as a kidâŠ. It wasnât, it gave me lessons in unhealthy ways of fighting with significant others, sacrificing my happiness is more important than making someone else unhappy even for a moment, and I had no clue how a happy relationship was supposed to work. My parents were nicer to me and less contradictory in their parenting when they were separated and so I was happier. Itâs taken a lot of mistakes and therapy to unlearn the bad habits they unknowingly taught me.
The children thrive when mother is in peace
You only live once⊠Do what makes you happy.
The grass is never greener on the other side⊠I thought ppl knew this by nowâŠ
Better to show them a happy mama but be careful of love bombing ok? This guy sounds maybe too good to be true?