Not trying to be harsh but it honestly sounds like you need to be single for a little while 
I had the same from my ex husband. Together 10 years, daughter and son, stay at home mom with the âpicture perfect lifeâ. It was all bullshit. When I left my husband and met a man a few months later that was everything my husband wasnât, I was thrilled. He was perfect it seemed. I saw all the good things my ex wasnât and didnât realize the obvious red flags. The relationship failed and I felt worse than when I left my ex husband. I then spent a year single and learned to LOVE MYSELF and be happy without the attention and affirmation from a man. I knew my worth and dated around until I found someone that was genuinely good for me and my children. Good luck mama
Just a few months?
Please be careful with this new relationship, it may end up like the last one by the time youâve hit the 12 month mark.
I say this in good spirit not bad. We all deserve the love we are looking for.
As a child of divorce, do what makes you happy. Staying together for the kids is utter bullshit. The kids definitely know whatâs up and that their parents are not happy. You do not want your kids growing up thinking that they donât get to be happy in a relationship. It sounds like you finally found someone who speaks your love language and that matters. Your ex sounds like gift giving and quality time are not his love languages and that is what you need. Nothing wrong with that. My love language is not gift giving either, so in the decade my husband has been with me, heâs given me flowers twice. Once when he came home from a deployment and once for a birthday but the birthday one I told him that it was a nice thought but I would rather have had him do something else like clean the house or some other act of service (one of my love languages) instead of flowers. So while I get your point of the first half of your story, just because he didnât buy gifts for you, doesnât mean he was a bad person.
What made you originally fall in love with your husband? You fell in love with him once it could happen again. They say time apart makes the heart grow fonder and this couldâve been an eye opener for your husband that he needs to do more. Also have you thought about learning to play video games with your husband. Maybe if you show interest in his interest he will show interest in yours. The new relationship youâre in sounds great but eventually that honeymoon phase wears off in relationships and itâs a lot different when you start living together and have bills and other real life issues going on. Also you said that your husband is a great father. Did you move out of your family home and take the kids or did he move away? Itâs unfair to your husband as a father if you just up and moved his children to a whole new state because parenting time will never be equal and that hurts him and the kids. Would the new man be willing to relocate to the same state as the husband? Itâs great the new man treats your kids as his own but at the end of the day heâs not their father and you donât want to cause the children to hold any kind of resentment towards you and the new guy for moving far away from their father. Iâm a stepmom and I make sure the kids know Iâm a bonus mom and donât try to overstep my place because they have a mother. Custody battles can turn nasty real quick. This is all just stuff to consider before pulling the trigger on anything and making a hasty decision.
When I met my first husband I was 18 and he was 22, we got married, hat 2 children bought a house did the whole family thingâŚhe was a terrible husband, verbally and physically abusive but I stayed because I thought it was what was best for my kids. We were married for 13 years, when I finally decided enough was enough my boys were 12 and 8âŚthey both told me they had wished and prayed for me to leave for years.
Your happiness should not depend on a man. Yes your kids need both of their parents to have a good relationship together, co parenting, whether that is separate or together but You need to know your worth on your own and feel good about yourself . I think you need to take some time and do some soul searching.
Staying married to your childrenâs father does NOT = happy children. You owe it to yourself and your children to be the best version of you. The kids will be just fine. And it sounds like you and your boyfriend will be a wonderful example of what love/happiness should be.
Do it because at the end of the day you are doing more for your kids by showing them and happy, healthy, and loving relationship then by going back to their dad and them seeing you unhappy and seeing you cry.
If you are not happy, the kids feel it. They need the best version of their momma! If you stay, think about what they are being shown an adult relationship should look likeâŚ.
Do what makes you happy! The kids will learn to accept & love your decision. Itâs best to have the kids see you happy even if that means separating from your husband.
I put my partners and kids before myself for 20yrs. Made me bitter and mean. Changing this habit is hard but necessary. Put yourself first, we are responsible for our own happiness. You will live the consequences of your actions one way or another so make sure theyâre yours.
In all reality, you need to be happy to raise happy kids. Let your kids see the example of a great relationship, instead of a miserable one.
Kids seeing you in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage isnât necessary whatâs best for them either itâs important for children to see people who love appreciate and respect each other parents staying together for the kids isnât really healthy or beneficial for anyone people assume a broken home is a home where the parents arenât together but a home can have both parents and still be broken be safe and take your time before starting a life with someone new but your happiness will also make you a better mom to your children
Itâs so much better for children to be raised with two happy parents living separately, than 2 parents who are miserable together. Trust me you may not think they know, but your kids see and understand more than you think.
When you are happy your children will feel it too. Of course it will be an adjustment but it will be worth it. I hope everything works out for you.
If your husband is a great father, he can continue to be a great father.
If heâs a lousy husband, he probably will continue to be that too.
You deserve happiness, and your children will be happy if they see their mother happy.
BUT, you need to be happy by yourself, with yourself, before you find happiness with another man.
Tis early days. Most people can be what you want them to be, for a period of time, ie honeymoon period, and then it comes as a great shock, to discover that they have morphed into their natural selfâŚall the best 
My parents stayed together for me and I wish they hadnât. They finally called it quits when I was 10. As a mother myself I understand where youâre coming from but you are still a person outside of being a mother and you deserve happiness. Your children deserve to grow up in a healthy and happy home. Seeing how this man treats you will help them to grow up and treat their spouse well. Think of what they would see if you stayed with the ex.
You should be able to show your kids that happiness and mental health matters. Being in an unloved relationship that would make you unhappy, would be bound to rub off on your kids (like they will notice that somethings wrong). A happy parent is a happy childhood. So honestly, youâd be doing whatâs best for your kids. Itâs not selfish to what to love your life. Itâs not like youâre kicking your children out of it.
Do you even think theyâre that happy? Do you think that they wonât be happy to have a happy mother and a male role model that actually wants to be apart of their life? Sounds like youâd be Choosing everyoneâs happiness.
This certainly isnât putting your happiness before your kids. Itâs never better for the kids for two people to stay together because you feel obliged to! Teach them to know their worth and not accept less. Maybe slow down things a little with this new relationship, but leaving a relationship because you deserve better isnât selfish, itâs strong.
As long as your children are loved by everyone, I donât see why you shouldnât put your happiness first! You deserve it mamas, time doesnât mean anything when itâs the right person
Put yourself first!!! Your children donât need their parents together they need to see their parents happy and if this new guy does that for you and makes you love yourself thatâs who you should be with because theyâre gonna see how a real man treats a woman and thatâs how you know theyâll be raised right
It was hard but I had to learn to do what is right by me too. My kids watch me and I had to show them what was acceptable, before they followed in my footsteps. To look after their future, I had to look after me and not accept what wasnât good enough.
i think your happiness is most important. you dont want to raise them to think this is okay and put up with it just for the sake of a ânormalâ home life. if you communicated your feelings and he didnt care enough to change then I dont think even if he has changed already that he wont go back to his old ways. a child/ children needs a happy parent not a perfect one. i wish you the best mama! good luck!
Sometimes its better if youâre kids see you happy than grow up thinking a certain way of behavior is acceptable & then they carry that on into future relationships or marriages. Just a thought.
If you are not happy your kids will see thatâŚthey need to see how a loving relationship works so they can have one when they grow up
Yes he can still be a good father to your kids without being your husband Like really did you not think this through before you posted it are you just looking for attention
You owe your children till their 18. You can be happy but that shouldnât be before your own children! Him yes but not the kids!
If your happy your kids will be ok this is not a good example for your kids watching you accept your husbands neglect
Donât teach your kids itâs okay to be in an unhappy relation. Your happiness is a better teaching tool to your kids.
My mother stayed with my father âfor the kidsââŚWORST MISTAKE EVERâŚIf you want a happy family YOU MUST be happy.
If you are happy your kids will be happier. Itâs a tough decision but follow your heart. Itâs the best thing for all of you
Happiness comes first if you arenât happy it creates a toxic environment and you donât want that for your kids. Kids can grow up perfectly normal and happy with divorced parents
I just finally left the same situation and all I can say is leave⌠best decision I made. My kids and I are way happier and the ex and I are co parenting just fine. My daughter actually said sheâs happier now! No more tension the kids can tellâŚhow can you make them happy if you are miserable.
Children feel, see , sense and all if anything itâs better for you to do what you feel is right for all of you at this younger age⌠kids will see and feel their happy mother not their tired, drowned, settled mother, theyll appriciate the life that is given to them when you are happiest and understand it all later and theres nothing wrong with thatâŚyou tried⌠if you want to again thatâs your choice but coming from a divorced family but at a young age love my step dad so much its unreal⌠it was one more person that loved me and supported me and my mother with putting smiles on our faces everyday along with my own dad doing his part and fathering at his best also because being together doesnt make them happy its what you both do and how you both are for them not with them together⌠theyll read the loveless acts or energies later if its not there⌠I know itâs hard but I dont believe in do it for the kids it can actually damage them and you yourself even more⌠just be happy your smart enough to know what you deserve and want because that lesson right there alone is what those babies will learn is best for them later in their lives too âŚwhat makes you happy is whatâs best ⌠kids just want love âŚit can come from their dad while he is busy being their dad because that job never stops and never will stop with or with out you in his life âŚ
You canât make your kids happy if you are not happy. You have moved on so donât go back now.
Kids in a house with no love, is not benefiting the children in any way. Prayers
Honey You can read all these opinions and your gonna get sooooo many. Everyone has an opinion thatâs filtered thru their own experiences. The truth is. There is no right answer. There is no one right path. You sound like a great person and a great mother. So I know your struggling with this. Iâm gonna tell u the truth from someone whoâs done both and everything in between. Itâs all hard. Staying will be hard and blending a family no matter what ends up hard. Maybe different kinds of hard. Eventually u may decide to just be with you and raise your kids and say to hell with the men for now. But whatever u do donât let anyone make u feel guilty for your choices. You can only do ur best with knowledge u have at the time. Take everything one day at a time. 
You have to do what is best for you and your kids and being happy is what your kids need, I was in a 11 year marriage and left him bc it was almost the same as your situation but mine allllllllllways cheated on me, so we got divorced, this wonderful man (my now husband) treated me like I was everything and still does to this day, my kids love him, one wants his last name and one wants to keep her dads, my ex now has a 1 year old with his girlfriend just after 5 years of being divorced! You have to do whatâs best for yâallâs situation, heâll grow up and move on too and the kids will still have both of you and bonus parents
If you are happy that makes you a better momâŚif the ex wants to be in their lives then he will!!! They will be fine if you are finally happy and they see it everyday. If you go back to him JUST because of your childrenâŚyou and your children will suffer!!! I have ALWAYS been told that you have to care of yourself toođ
Donât look back girl! Sounds like youâve found what youâve been looking for
If this man includes your children and knows they come with you as part of the deal. Then choose him! Your kids will appreciate that, your kids will want you to be loved, they NEED to see you love yourself and have a man who appreciates you. This isnât you choosing your happiness over your children, this is you choosing happiness for your children and you! Your husband had years and if just didnât work, thatâs okay if happens, your kids have both parents still,and always will! But you being cared for will help them in the long run as well, youâre not forgetting them infect youâve found a man who wants them along with you. 
How you just described your husband that is exaclty how my husband is beside the cheating. Ive been with mine for 7 years going on 8 and everything i want i havent gotten i have to start a fight or i have to figure out how to come up on money to get it my self. Im a stay at home mom while he works and when i adk for money he dont give it to me he just says you dont need that but when he wants something he goes and buys it for him self even if he dont need it⌠I want to leave him but im not in a ready position to be able to take care of my kids if i do⌠If i wad in your position i would stay with the guy that makes you happy and gives you want you deserve⌠Best of luck to youâŚ
As a side note,my husband of 17 years never gives me any presents 
for any occasion ( not my birthday, nor Christmas, nothing) I have bitched and moaned about it for years. He knows it bothers me, however,there are so many other things about him I appreciate, that I choose to overlook it.I tell you this not as a way to guilt you, but rather to let you know you ate not alone in that.
Your kids will be better off with happy parents, not obligated ones.
He cannot be a good father if he isnât good to his childrenâs mother.
Your happiness comes first, if your not happy and in a good place how are you supposed to be a good mom. So if this guys is tons times better and gives you all the things youâve been needing pick him and just do co parenting
In my opinion once a cheater always a cheater. Just me, I would never be able to trust him again. Cheating means disrespect, he doesnât respect you. That means everything to me.
I suppose that depends on what life lesson you want your kids to learn. Do you want them to learn to make the hard choices and follow their dreams? Or do you want them to learn that commitment and responsibility are the fabric to a healthy lifestyle?
Youâre not putting yourself first. Trust me, your kids know youâre unhappy. Take it slow and get to really know this new man. My husband was miserable growing up with bickering, cheating and an alcoholic parent. He has told me many times, he wished his parents divorced when he was five years old. He was unhappy at FIVE years old. Itâs heartbreaking!! Youâre putting your childrenâs needs first as well. Prayers for your family.
Oh my gosh! Trust me. Your kids are better off in a happy home than in a forced one. I was married for ten years in a similar situation. My then husband didnât try, would leave with his friends and come home drunk at 7AM the next day, took me for granted, broke furniture when he was angry, etc. One Valentines Day I was alone while he âwent out with friendsâ. Then I saw a friend commented on a post. It was a post from his coworker showing off the flowers my husband gave her for Valentines Day. He gave me nothing. I started asking questions to people he knew and everyone knew he had been cheating, but nobody had told me. I confronted him and all hell broke loose. I never thought I could be happy and wanted. I never thought someone would love me deeply and unconditionally and love my kids as well. Fast forward five years later and I am happily married with my current husband, the love of my life, the best stepdad ever, my best friend, and the best partner I could ask for. My kids get to see a great example of what a healthy relationship is like. They get a chance to see true love and commitment. They get a chance to sit a table and have fun and meaningful conversations instead of arguments and misery. They see a happy mom. They see flowers on my table almost every week! They see a man that looks after and loves their mother and they adore him. Leaving that other marriage was the best decision. If itâs broken, try to tix it. If it doesnât work out, stop forcing it and move on. Happy living is worth the initial struggle.
Talk to him about it explain how it makes you feel my babe always buys me flowers food perfume ect⌠Got to still date also going on 13 years
Canât make others happy if youâre not. Think of what you would tell your son or daughter if they were in the same position.
You need to stay single for a while. Children come first period. You bringing up his past is not okay. You being insecure is on you. You should not have married him, if you were not going to stay no matter what.
Put yourself first! You go backâŚ. He will not change!
Happiness is first and foremost important. They see you happy with your partner, they will understand what a healthy relationship is.
A great father will not accept his kids living in another state. And the judge wonât either. A great father will be awarded custody of the children.
Get a job and latter he might change his mine after seeing how others appreciate you worth a shot
Follow your heart your kids will have a healthier upbringing with a happy mom and learn not to make decisions to please others
Itâs better for your kids to see you happy and healthy relationship so they know
No. Chase your happiness. Your kids will grow to understand and love there surrounding through your happiness.
When mama is happy, kids are happy! Choose whatever or whoever makes u happy!
You firstâŚyou have outgrown himâŚgive yourself a chance
Donât go back his a proper narcisst. Been there. Take new man as his showing you he loves you through his actions.
Do whats best for your kids and self
Get to your happy place!
You should not be miserable for ur kids sake
Your children will respect you more for doing whatâs best for you. He does not sound like a good partner and thatâs what you deserve. As long as your kids feel loved while you find your happiness.
just remember sometimes the grass isnât always greener on the other side. Itâs a thought, But if you donât love your husband, then stay where you are But remember just because this other guy is doing everything you ever wanted, doesnât mean when you guys get together it will stay that way. It could, but then again, sometimes it isnât always that way.
Your children will love you far more seeing you happy with a man that is not their biological father compared to watching you be miserable and depressed with their biological father. If you ever get the chance to something that makes you happy and makes your heart smile, then do that.
Momma deserves to be happy!! When youâre unhappy, your kids will see it and sense it and it will cause problems and resentment. And they are young enough that if you choose this new man, they will grow up loving him too, especially if he makes the effort with them too and not just you. Iâm sorry but your husband had his chance and too many men do this then realize when itâs too late and only then do they want to fix it. If it meant that much then they should have fixed it a long time ago.
Youâll make them happy without the ex in the picture. Unfortunately it happens all the time but they will not be happy if their parents arenât. Theyâll be happy when they get to visit him. Be careful with the new relationship, donât jump in with two feet just yet. When someone knows your desperate or knows your weaknesses they can really take advantage and the new guys seems to know gifts will get what he wants. Not saying thatâs what youâre all about, just sayin. Much luck to you and your children. Make you happy and theyâll be happy. 
Donât take him back. My husband and I have been together for 17 years. We seperated at the 10 yr mark for the same exact reasons. We got back together after a year, and at first it was good and everything was going great. But now I canât stand the sound of him breathing. LoL I wish everyday I wouldnât have taken him back.
Putting your happiness first ensures a happy child. Kids can tell when their parents arent happy
If mumma bear is happy, baby bears will be happy
I donât even remotely see this as choosing your happiness over your kids. Thatâs toxic. Your happiness IS your kids happiness. Imagine how good of a mama youâd be miserable and sad in a crappy relationship forever. You said heâs a great father. Thatâs wonderful. He can do that. Youâre kids donât need you together, they need you fulfilled and happy
Your husband only wants you back because another man is doing what he should have itâs jealousy I had the exact same with my ex husband heâs now going around sleeping with all my ex best friends your children need to see you happy and being treated right he isnât doing nice romantic things for you because he doesnât want to my ex husband cheated on me n I took him back he only got me flowers cause I said thatâs what people do when there sorry he also only came back to me after the afair (I didnt no about) cause she dumped him you need to tell him straight and live your best life with your new man xx
Out of all these comments thereâs only one saying op should pander to her husbandâs needs n interests n show him love n he might treat her better absolutely laughable itâs not 1960 odd
Once a cheat always a cheat.as man im saying donât go back,move forward .youâre happy ,stay happy,he only wants to come back so he can take that happiness away from you.you deserve to be happy.
If YOU arenât happy, the kids wonât be happy.
They NEED you to be happy!
Please donât go back!!!
Happy mom happy kids
Do what makes you happy
I donât think you are doing anything wrong. You deserve to be happy. Your ex just wants you back because he sees you are happy without him. Donât go back to him. He is toxic
If youâre unhappy then your kids are going to be unhappy so donât go back to him thatâs not going to help your children at all your children need to see you loved and cherished not depressed and wore down from being treated like that
Your kids need two happy parents separated much more than two unhappy parents together. They are young so the divorce wonât be as hard on them now as it would be when they are older and it inevitably happens. Trust me, I divorced my ex husband when my kids were little and have since found the love of my life and we have worked to achieve everything we both want. Your kids need a happy momma!
Itâs better for your kids to grow up in 2 separate happy homes than 1 unhappy one. Teach your kids what it means to feel loved.
Just because you separate, doesnât mean your kids canât have both parents involved in their life. Hopefully you and your ex can become great coparents. Sometimes things just donât work out and thatâs ok. They may end up even happier seeing both their parents happy, separated.
You need to be happy and healthy first and your kids will follow you! I understand you 100%. Go be happy. Life is too short not to be. Your kids will be just fine.
Girl sign those divorce papers now. You sound just like me when I finally left my ex husband a little over 3 years agoâŚit was the best thing Iâve ever done. My ex husband is a great father but sucks at being a husband and a friend. Trust me youâre not putting your kids happiness before yours, them seeing you happy is more important because they then know what love is supposed to look like.
You have no reason to feel selfish. We all need somebody who pays attention and makes you feel special and wanted. It sounds like you have given him several chances to change but nine times out of 10 people do not change. Just be happy
Whewwww. BEEN THERE. The exact situation. Good luck
Children do better in a happy home, not a broken one. Take care of you or itâll all come crashing down!
I went thru a similar situation. After our second child turned 4months oldâŚI decided to file for divorce. 2.5 years later it still stings a little bc he hasnât moved onâŚitâs sadâŚmy oldest (7) still has a hard time with it sometimes. But I have never been happier. I found the most selfless, hardworking and attentive man I have ever met. He pays attention to the smallest details. Makes sure I feel loved daily!! After being together 10 years and he is still this way and shows no interest in changing or doesnât care about you and your feelings. Leave. You can do it on your own! Trust me thatâs why I stayed so long bc I never thought I could make it with two kids by myself. It is so do able !!
I did the same thing. I stayed with my daughters father for my daughter but it ended up so toxic that my daughter didnât deserve to see all that. I made the choice to split when she was 3 years old and sheâs ok with it. Sheâs a happy little girl. You gotta just bite the bullet and end things before they get bad. Youâre kids deserve a happy mom!
Your ex appears to have narcissistic traits and your new guy is an empath. You definitely have made the best choice to be happy. As one person said the happier the mom the happier the kids. Your ex is not your emotion problem anymore its his. Be happy and never feel bad.
Make yourself happy! Your kids will be happier with a happy mom!
Go be happy, but he deserves half the custody.
If your happy and the children are happy. Then keep doing what makes u happy. Dont go back if it makes you unhappy children sense what we feel. So do whatâs best for u. At this moment
Remember people tend forget that kids more times then not model after their parents, if you have boys they will think itâs okay to treat their so the way your being treated if you have girls they will most likely end up in relationships that are similar to their mothers. Plus kids are way smarter then we want them to be and can pick up on the negative energy your relationship is giving off so it will affect them in the long run, they thrive better in a happy home with happy parents. It might take an adjustment period for all of you but in the end happiness is the best choice and as long as dad is in their lives still it should be fine as well.