I need some advice guys. Please, no being rude or bashing me. I’m currently eight months pregnant, and very sensitive at the moment. I’ll be honest with you all. My one-year-old son hasn’t met his father. Believe me; I’ve tried to get the father to meet with him. I even went out of my way to contact him and let him know he had a son even tho he disappeared before I even took a pregnancy test. Long story short… My son was conceived by a one night stand. I was going in and out of an abusive relationship, and unfortunately, I got wasted enough to sleep with my son’s father during one of our breakups. I went through my whole pregnancy with my son, not knowing who his father was. I even told my ex right before we got back together about the one night stand, and told him that if I got pregnant, I feared that he wouldn’t be the father. Cause of that, my ex abused me even worse during pregnancy. After a DNA test proved my son wasn’t my exes, I cut him out of our lives and reached out to the father. At first, he wanted to co-parent, send money(which I told him I didn’t need since I just wanted him to be apart of his son’s life), and kept making plans with me to meet his son (which he never followed through). Then his fiancè got on his account and told me to get a DNA test done and leave them alone. She blocked me on his account, cause apparently they got engaged three days before he and I had sex. I didn’t want to get on child support, but since I’m on government assistance, they pursued me into filing. My fiancè( whose father of my unborn child) reached out to my son’s father. I told him what was going on and requested info from him. He gave us a lot of info, including his ss number. I filed, and from what I understand is. He refused the DNA test and refused to turn in pay stubs. Not that child support wasn’t able to look up that info anyways. My fiancè doesn’t want me talking to my son’s dad. He wants to be the only one that messages him, but every time he cheats on his fiancè. He makes a whole new account! I’ve been fighting my urges of reaching out to his family. (We know nothing about his family) I feel like they should at less be able to see photos and videos of their grandchild grow up, even if their son choices not to grow up himself. My question is, am I wrong for wanting to reach out to his family and involve them? Should I just accept my son’s father doesn’t want to be apart of his life, and just wait till my son starts asking who his father is? I really need an outsider’s voice on this.
I wouldn’t do it. It’s his place to tell his family about all of this, not yours. I’d definitely continue pursuing child support, though.
I fell pregnant on a 1 night stand. Worst thing I ever did was contact his family. Look at the POS person they created! Never look back girl, cut all contact, but be honest when your child is old enough to no and ask questions xx
I wouldn’t reach out to his family if he isn’t around. That could open up a whole other bucket of worms that you don’t need to deal with right now being super pregnant.
Accept and move on. Sounds like you’re better off. When the day comes your child wants to know then you give the details. The family didn’t have sex with you- it isn’t their problem to deal with. You also don’t know the family dynamics so you would likely make it worse for yourself one way or another.
I think you should pick ONE family member of his to reach out to and leave it at that. If he’s communicating with your fiancé now I would also leave it at that. It’s at least communication with someone who is around his child every day. If you start messaging him you may lose contact altogether. I think you already know the father doesn’t want to be a part of your sons life so let the man that is be everything he needs in a dad.
Let them know. It’s not fair to them. It’s (probably) not their fault that their relation is a twat. They should be given the chance to know your son. As far as the father goes… Just leave him be. If he wants a relationship he can find you himself.
I would definitely tell them. They have a right to know as well i think.
This was so confusing lol. But no. You should not reach out. Don’t block them. Leave the door open. But I’m sure they know he’s got a kid with you. If they want to let him be a loser that’s fine but they need to reach out.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
No harm reaching out to them for sure. But you also risk rejection and or if they get involved then lose interest down the road it may hurt the kids. Tough spot mama 
I hope it works out.
Tell his family. Period. They deserve to know and so does that baby.
Nah I never did and thank god for that! Good riddance 
I would reach out. My sons family is more involved in his life then his biological dad is. They love him. They apologize for their son/brother all the time. But I’m not gonna let him being a deadbeat stop them from being in his life. And pursue the child support. He needs to man up and help.
That would be a risky move. What if they decide they want custody? BTW, the correct spelling is fiancé.
I’m saying no. Too much drama. You start adding more people into the mix, it just makes things worse. I’m all for keeping things simple! 
Good luck.
Do itx also stated you have requested a DNA test but he turned it down
But in saying this I haven’t done it cause I don’t wanna deal with the drama
I would just let it be. Including more people at this point is only going to add more drama into your lives. Focus on your son and soon to be new baby. Enjoy the time with them while u can. It’s his loss, u tried and did your part.
In all honesty u dont want nor need them in your son life. If your new partner is a good non abusive man then just let it be.
I wouldn’t. It might be best to see if your fiance will adopt your baby after you marry and never let your kiddo know that sperm donor is a horrible person.
I wouldn’t…if your current fiance wants to take responsibility for your son, I would let him and just focus on their relationship…Your son will never have the relationship with his bio dad that he deserves and trying to force it will only hurt your little one in the long run…Involving his family will also kost likely just cause more tension and unnecessary difficulties for everyone…If he doesn’t want to be involved, your child is better off not having anything to do with anyone close to him…even if his family accepts your child and builds a relationship with your child, I could easily see that doing more harm than good on your little one
It kinda sounds like your in a controlling relationship now
Sounds like he doesn’t want to be in his life so why not let your fiancé adopt your son and be done with it. If he questions why he doesn’t look like his siblings when he’s older and old enough to understand then I’d tell him.
Sounds like drama. Cut ties. If your fiancé is willing to officially adopt him once you’re married that’s what i would pursue. The bio dad doesn’t want to be there, that’s his loss. You can’t squeeze lemonade out of an orange. Move on. I’d personally get him removed from birth certificate (if he’s on it).
I would leave it completely alone at this point. He knows about him and if he wants to be in his life then leave that door open but honestly if you have a fiancé currently and you guys are about to have a baby together then it seems he already has a father figure in his life and doesn’t need a dead beat one too…just have a happy family with your fiancé and your babies and leave the past in the past.
Leave them alone bc you may not like them and you may not want them around your baby
If I were you I would pursue the child support but I wouldn’t reach out to his family. Hopefully your fiancé will be a great step-father to your son and when the time is right just be honest with your son about his real dad. It will hurt but at least he will have his step-dad as his male father figure/role-model. Then when your son is older he can decide if he wants to try to kindle a relationship with his biological dad. The hope here is that your current fiancé can step up and love your son and your baby that’s on the way and fill the void of being unwanted by his bio dad. And who knows, his bio dad might be super influenced by his fiancé right now but he can change his mind in a month or in a few years about his role in his sons life. Like others have said, telling his family can open a can of worms you don’t want or need. Good luck and congrats on your baby on the way! I know it’s a tough decision so just try to think about long and hard and not make any rash decisions in the heat of a emotional moment!
In my opinion a parent forced to see a child that they don’t want to see does more damage to the child than being completely absent.
No. You don’t know what kind of people they are and they may try to make trouble, request visiting rights, and interfere with your life. If you don’t want anything, count yourself lucky you don’t have to deal with them.
Reach out to one person only once a DNA test proves he is the father. Continue pursuing child support
I wouldn’t chase her bio dad you cant make him be a parent however i would reach out to his parents/siblings they deserve to make thier own choice if they wanna be apart of your sons life. Just bc he dont wanna parent dont mean the rest of the family will feel the same
Don’t force someone to be part of your son’s life. That’s not fair to him. Just accept it and move on.
Nope, no contact. Eventually he will come around and if not you’re better off!
Just cut ties leave that man alone
You have given him an option to meet his child and he has opted out. Althiugh hard to accept that is his decision. It appears that he has a woman in his life that doesnt want your son around. Why would you subject your child to that. It could be abusive or dangerous even. His family knows about the child and they havent reached out. Let it go
Honestly maybe the bio dad’s family would be excepting of him! Its always worth a shot so later down the road you don’t have the guilt of what if yk. Yeah the dad may be a pos but maybe grandma or auntie will be excited. Could even get DNA I do believe with his mother or something possibly if they wanted more reassurance to prove he is related . You’ll never know how they will respond if you dont give it a try. Good luck mama
I couldn’t keep up with all that, I’m going to be completely honest. It was a one night stand. Just let it go. Maybe because I’m a part of a blended family, but genetics doesn’t make a relationship… biological relatives don’t always make the best family. Leave it up to them if they want to pursue a relationship. Otherwise its just a headache for you and your son honestly couldn’t care less right now. He just knows who loves him now and that’s all he’s concerned with currently and all you should be concerning yourself with now.
U have no idea how lucky u r that that guy isn’t around. U know nothing about him other than he has refused any and all contact with you after he slept with u, got what he wanted and before ur preg test. I dont know any DECENT man who would just dip out like that, not one. Even if they didnt know it was theirs theyd still make an effort to find out and a " man" (and I’m using that term loosely in this case ) that doesn’t even give the time of day to a woman whom he had enough time to sleep with after you’ve told him u think he may be the father of a child I’s a fuckin loser and u shouldn’t go chasing after him. What’s the point?? Money? Causd if it’s about money u can get it without talking to him or is family. If its about having a man in his life, you’re getting married (and he doesnt sound much better to be honest with u, esp with all that controlling b.s .) Cut your losses
Pursue child support. Leave the family matters to him. He has made the choice to not be involved in your child’s life. Getting family involved opens a whole different can of worms and instead of fighting for him to see his kid, you will be fighting his family on the choices you make and how you parent.
Reach out to the family, the do have legal rights of access to the child despite the father. Wether they get involved is their choice. But you owe it to your child to atleast try. If they choose not to, then walk away and protect your child.
Reach out to the grandparents. They might not even know they have a grandchild but give them a little time to respond cause it will be a major shock to them
My daughter is 2 years old and has never met her bio dad. I reached out to his mother because I thought she should know she had a grand daughter. I found out she did know about my daughter but didn’t know how or what to say to me so she didn’t reach out. She was happy to know she was having a grand daughter. The family may or may not know about your son. Give them a chance. It’s up to you if they have a relationship with you guys or not. So just take your time and see how they react to it.
I would give them the option of being there just remember they raised this man, be ready for them to be toxic as well
You dont know any of them! No! Get child support, and leave it there. Also, sounds like there is an unhealthy level of control in your current relationship. Dont ignore red flags.
I would never try to make someone be a Father to my child if they didn’t want to be. If he is that terrible of a person to deny his own child there is no telling what this man might do to him, or what he might expose him to. If you seek out his family you are asking for trouble. They could push the Father into doing something he doesn’t want to do, which could be disastrous. Do you really want to share your child with people that you don’t even know? You are off the hook. I would be rejoicing! You can raise him with the manners and morals you want him to live by. I wouldn’t even dream of contacting them. I hope you get married to a wonderful man that accepts him as his own, and you are able to forget about the past. 
Tough one hun. My first reaction is to leave the father out of it, (if you don’t want cs). He’s made it clear through his inaction that he doesn’t want to be involved. If you know how to reach out to his family without going through him…I probably would contact them and leave the ball in their court. Good luck to you with new bubby
I would let it be and move on myself. I would never put my child through rejection. In fact I didn’t. I don’t think I would contact his family either. He knows and fiancé wants a DNA test . Just let it be don’t contact his family. That is me though, someone else may have a different view. But a one night stand doesn’t warrant pursuing.
As a mother I would want to know if I had a grandchild out there. But I also I hope I have raised my sons well enough to step up to their responsibility. Do you think his family will even care? I feel you should leave well enough alone. You & your fiance raise both of your babies. Maybe your fiance can adopt your son. The sperm donors absence will make that easier. Even if he tries to fight it a judge will ask him to explain why he hasn’t been in your son’s life. If his family is involved, even if he’s not it’ll make it more complicated. Your son doesn’t need him. He has his mommy & daddy.
Why bother pushing it? If he doesn’t wanna be involved I’d be happy to carry on without him. Especially when bub has a new and hopefully better father figure in his life.
Later down the track id see if he will formally adopt him so you 2 don’t have any issues from him down the track.
I’d contact them. Just because he wants no relationship doesn’t mean they don’t & he can’t make that choice for them! Your child deserves to know them.
Just do an ancestry test for your son. If his family is on it they will connect with him on their own.
Prepare yourself for trouble if you contact his family. No mother wants to believe that a son she raised and cherished would do what you have described. Some mothers never get past the defense of their little boy, even the ones that are 37 years old and have 30 abandoned kids. You may be treated rudely, and in some situations could be charged with harassment. Whatever you decide, he has already made his decision.
Leave it alone. Get your child support and cut off contact. It amazes me how y’all will beat a dead horse when the guy obviously wants no contact. You can’t force him to be a father. Let your fiancé step up to the plate and keep it going like he already has.
Ur lucky no to have the child dad involved so much easier being a single parent I loved it with my oldest
Yeah, I’d leave it alone at least for now.
Grow the fuck up. Look after u and ur baby… forget the rest
Leave it alone and move on. Why force something. You have no idea what these people are like. Just move along with your new family. Get ur child support, and leave him and the family alone.
I went through something similiar except I was in a serious relationship with this person for 3 yrs when I became pregnant. My daughter is almost 14 and has seen her bio dad one time when she was maybe 5. I tried and pushed it to no avail. I would leave it be. You could try his family but let me tell you, some people are meant to be parents, nor grandparents. You may find the apple didnt fall far from the tree. So you need to ask yourself…do you really want your son to have a dad like this? Do you want to have to deal with his gf? It’s not worth the drama and stress. Let child support deal with him. Mine now owes like $40,000 and has warrants but he doesnt care. My met my now fiance 5 yrs ago and we are family. My daughter calls him dad and his family treats her no different. Your son is 1, and your pregnant. Just be the best mom you can be and everythint will be fine. It may seem hopeless now but trust me, itll get better.
Some really great people have not so great children. As parents we do our best but then they get to make their own choices. You don’t judge people off of OTHER people. I can’t believe all the responses on here saying his family is probably just like him and so shouldn’t be given a chance.
What you do needs to be your choice. If you involve his family then you may need to cut them out if they are toxic, hateful, hurtful… they also may become like family, a great support system, and be wonderful to your son.
Is your current fiance controlling, or trying to help? That is one thing you need to give thought to, make sure your not in another abusive relationship.
I will also agree, leave this alone.
You know who the father is. When your son grows up & he wants to know who his biological father is, then give him the info.
Why are you letter your fiance dictate anything about this?
You do what YOU think is best.
Cheater. No sympathy… I completely get why your ex dipped. Shut your legs. I feel bad for the child. Love your child, let go of your ego and learn from your stupidity. And yes, I get to judge.
I would not contact him or his family any more. He was a one night stand and he knows about the child you have done your part. Actually more than your part don’t stir the pot. Have your child and marry your fiance and be happy. Some men are just sperm Donner’s they don’t want to be father’s so leave the past and concentrate on the future. God bless and good luck.
No dont…My 5 year old daughter has never met her pos father, dont force it. Leave it be.
Leave him alone, it’s obvious he wants nothing to do with his child. It’s not worth obsessing over.
Damn, tbh…u need to learn about birth control plus condoms…stop making babies damn it!!! If u dont need the money,why u on benefits? Go to court…get ur child support and take care of our kid… and btw, u just left a man… had a baby…met a man…get pregnant and engaged…sis ur life on red bull and monster cause u speeding!!!
Just explain to your kid that he has a father and a daddy not everyone can be both
You need that Dna test done first.
You cant make him be a father. You’ve tried and his actions are clearly telling you what he wants. And that’s nothing to do with his child. I can see letting the family know and letting them decide if they want to be part of the child’s life or not
I’d try once and once only. Only to immediate family and make sure you talk to your man about it first before making any decisions. But be very clear on if that’s really his first
Honestly sounds like your son would be better off with out him. And when he does come of age and starts asking questions, give him the answers. As far as the extended family that’s a coin toss. But I would reach out to his mother and have a mother to mother chat and then go from there.
I’m not sure how to answer this as I’m about to go through the same thing. I’m 7 weeks pregnant from a guy that I only knew for 4 months. My birth control failed. I told him I was pregnant and he told me to abort it. I told him no and I haven’t heard a word from him since. I just want to see the comments so I can go about it the right way when the time comes.
If they raised him i doubt they’d be any different than him. You and your son are better off. Accept your losses and move on and focus on providing a good life for your son.
Forcefully no relationships are successful. Its better you cut off every connect with him and focus on ur current situation. With ur unborn child, his father and your son. Make a healthy choice of life and stay happy. Stop forcing any relationship which may not last longer.
Your current boyfriend wants to be the one to sort out communication with the father of your other child. Let him deal with it. Stop forcing communication, it seems like you are not over your one night stand.
Give your current boyfriend the information and let him deal with the communication.
Step back and concentrate on your current relationship as it seems he is a good man
I’d leave it alone. It’s his choice to be involved or not, and whether his family are involved or not. Move on with your life and current family.
Does your second child’s father treat the older one as his own? If so and he wants to be adopt the baby contacting family could put pressure on the birth father to force him to keep in contact when he doesn’t want too. I think that would hurt the baby in the long run. While I think it’s always best to have more family to love a child, I wouldn’t want a an absent father interrupting my house.
Well, your fiancé seems controlling af. Him requesting to be the only one to speak to him, that’s a huge red flag, and not something I would let fly. As far as the family thing, you tried and he knows, he is choosing to not be a father. He’s telling you, but you’re refusing to listen. And forcing a relationship is not going to work out for either of them in the end. When your son gets old enough, you tell him the truth, it was a one night thing, you reached out but he was unable to be a father.
You can’t force someone to be a parent… I wouldn’t involve his family , it’s not their business !
You can’t force him into being a father. It’s honestly a little nutty to go out of your way to contact his family. He obviously learned the behavior from someone. Respect your fiance. You know, the one being a dad to your son and preborn child 🤦🤣 your son HAS a dad. If your fiance is supporting him then he IS dad. If he’s manning up and not treating him different than your child together then he IS dad. Good grief. You can have a judge court order a DNA test by the way.
My dad didn’t want anything to do with me at birth. He told my mom to get an abortion. When I was 8 I wanted to know my family. My mom reached out to his family so that I had somebody, some part of my background, my history from that side that I could reach out to and speak to. It was the best thing I had ever done. I gained grandparents, many aunts and uncles and a whole ton of cousins. They were so happy to know me even if my dad wasn’t. He eventually got so jealous of all the joy and affection we all had for each other he decided to become a part of my life as well. Your child deserves a family. Even if Dad doesn’t want to be involved. To this day my dad and I have a great relationship and he hasn’t even better relationship with his grandkids. And I gained a whole new family. People that have been with me from that day on. So I say yes! Reach out to his family and give them the opportunity to know that child.
The difference between Father & Dad is involvement. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartbreak and headaches by just having your fiancee sign acknowledgement of paternity papers for your son. The difference between father & dad is effort, which your son’s father seems to not want to put in.
As a side note it’s not your fiance’s place to speak on your behalf of Arrangements between you and your child’s father. To me that seems controlling and odd. I understand he may feel a little jealous or uneasy with the communication. But you guys have a child together. You need to communicate you need to speak. Speaking does not need to be done through him. You’re always going to have a child together and he may change his mind and decide to become involved in his child’s life. Your fiance is going to have to get used to the fact of the matter and allow you to speak for yourself.
I have a horrible relationship with my bio dad for reasons like this.
On the other hand though i had a great grandfather who i adored ( he passed when i was 8) i have my grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins that i never would have known had my mom not reached out to my aunt. She saw me and knew there was no denying i was my fathers. ( even though he said other wise). My mom never got child support but for 7 years of my life my dad was part of it and i got to know my brothers and sister. Now that om grown i have a lot of issues with the man.
If your motives are pure in the sense that you just want him to know the family then yes reach out to 1 family member. Dont try the bio father to be around, he doesnt want to. The grandparents might feel differently. Just let them know he is a person connected to them. 1 reach out and 1 only. Dont push. You cant make someone be what they dont want to be. Besides from what your saying he wouldn’t be a good role model.
Also your fiance needs to let you handle your business unless hes trying to fill in as dad for your oldest too. He seems a little controlling. .
I tried to help his family be in my kids family and they never followed through. I think it’s good to be approachable but don’t do all the work.
Forget them…get yourself fixed, apply for assistance and get a real job…find your balls…I did…I was engaged to one, my dad died I was in the military I slept with another, then got engaged to another that cheated on me(karma sucks)…bottom line I raised my son on my own with family and no government assistance worked two jobs for 15 years…we both turned out just fine…you have made dumbass choices…no one is perfect…learn and move on…no man is going to fix your shots how for free…do it yourself…your life is what you make it…so far you’ve been pretty crazy…get a fuckin grip sister…get focused…set goals and a mission and figure out a plan…it is Possible and there is assistance…seek and you shall find, be mindful of your inner thinking…find a way to focus on the good…even if it’s one thing out of nine…it is in your mindset…only you can change it…no one, no drug. No drink…YOU…so what is your choice?
i dont think i would say a word you cant make him do the right thing
You can not force someone to be a parent. Remember that.
Check into how to get him to take a DNA test, maybe a court order…seek legal advice on it. If you are on state assistance, he should be paying child support to help carry the burden. As far as his family, I’d leave that alone.
You’re just asking for problems ( on yourself) trying to include people who don’t want to have anything to do with you all. You’re not “wrong “ but leave it alone…You have a man who wants to marry you and take care of not only the new baby but your own baby already so leave it at that. You already told him he has a kid so he is fully aware, the rest is up to him to take responsibility.
He doesn’t want to be a father. Go after child support and forget about the rest. He doesn’t sound like someone you would want in your son’s life any way. His family may not be any better so why risk making this more complicated? I also hope your fiancé is not the one who was abusing you. If he is then take your son and get the hell out of there.
Get the DNA test done to be sure he is the father. He had shown you how he feels. He doesn’t want to be involved in your son’s life. Have him sign his rights away that way he can’t come crawling in and out of your son’s life. Talk to your fiance about adopting your son. That will be the dad he knows
He’s flaky, indecisive and weak, and he keeps cheating on his fiance?? I don’t understand women have the dire need to reach out on the kids father, even thou they prove to be shitty toxic and abusive. Love yourself enough to not to be rejected again and again. LOVE YOUR Kid harder to not tie them to inconsistent unwilling father. They are flaky and dysfunctional now, and worst they will come back haunt your kid when he/she an adult and ask for payback
Reading your post was like reading something I wrote. My son is 1 1/2 going through the same thing. His fathers family have never met him and I think it is very important to have family. Just because the dad doesn’t want to be in his life doesn’t mean the rest of his family don’t want to be. I would reach out let them know you are ok with them seeing him and leave it up to them to make the right decision. You will not feel guilty because you tried.
Girl you need to just stop. You can not force him to be a father. You were just a one night stand. You need to be more concerned about the controlling man you are with now. A man tried to tell me I couldn’t talk to my child’s father, he would be out my door faster than he could blink. Neither you or your children need that crap.
Okay I have kinda lived this although it was not a one night stand situation but had dated off and on since our freshman year of High School. He had always talked of getting married and having kids since we met. Ironically we had sex twice in our January of our Senior year and I knew I was pregnant the first time. By the time graduation come around he didn’t want any of his family to know and went to another state with another classmate. He wanted no acknowledgement of him being a dad or any legal rights. He checked in on us and seen her maybe once or twice a year. Fast forward to 10 years later and a legal issue arose in which the truth was going to come out so I contacted him and said you have a chance to tell them or someone in town will (small town). He went to tell them (his wife didn’t take it well and they divorced ) and they already knew but was respectful of his not wanting them to know (family issues) so never approached us. He has lived to regret his decision and after she was grown he has developed a relationship with her and her son. We also have a friendship relationship now and we have talked through every thing. If he could go back he would do things different but he can’t and the really sad part is she is the only child he ever had. I have three others and two bonus children. So I said that to say this. You can’t force someone to do the right thing. It’s not you’re place to tell his parents. Live you’re life and be happy and take care of yourself and you’re children and you’re baby’s father. Let him love and care for you all. Let DFS do what they do but let go of what you think it should be and see it for what it is and be glad you have someone who loves you and is supportive of you and your son. That’s what I had to do. Yes it is hard but it gets easier.
you do need to get a hold of him with the proper paperwork so he can sign away his parental rights so if something happenslater like you get remarried or something and your new husband wants to drop the sun it would be easier if father had signed away his parental rights
You cannot force someone to want you 9r have a relationship with u or ur son. He is selfish. Focus on the good that u do have now!!
Do some research on his family before opening pandora’s box. Remember grandparents can fight for visitation rights & your only concern should be the child. Would their union with your child be positive or negative. But if you do reachout don’t do it because you want your child to have his father in his life but rather because his parents might want a grandchild in their life.
You can’t reach out to the family until a DNA test is done. He might not even be the father. Also you fiance can be supportive but commucation is your responsibility not his. You need to handle the courts and get a DNA test. Then go from there involving a family when it might not even be their grandchild is just opening up more hurt. If he refuses to take the test then go to the courts and do everything you need to do on your end then leave it alone. Then raise your child and be the best parent you can be.
I’d reach out to the other family, just because the dad dont want to be doesnt mean the other family dont, and even if they dont at least u gave them the option so when ur son does get older and asks, u can tell him I tried and explain his dad didnt want to and family did or didnt , but it wont be on u it would be there choice , ur son wont say well how do u know what they feel or would do if they never knew about me or given the choice to know me. At least u did the right thing for him and tried, and gave the option. I would definitely get the DNA test done first, and be sure before reaching out. I would also have him sign away his rights either way if he doesnt want to be in ur sons life.
They will just believe their son not u, so I think I would just leave them alone. It will be their loss for sure.