Recently my sister-in-law will invite her other brother and his four and 6-year-olds to hang out with her and her 14&16-year-old. She does not extend the invite to my husband, myself, and our eight-month-old. Now I don’t really want to hang out with her, but I put my feelings aside so my daughter can have a relationship with her cousins. I want her to grow up feeling included. I know my daughter is young and isn’t running around yet, but it doesn’t seem fair to not include her at all. Should I say something or just let it go?? It really is starting to bother me bc my daughter has only seen her older cousins a handful of times in 8 months. Thanks in advance for your advise!
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Let it go she obviously feels the same as you and doesn’t want your company
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Yeah who knows what her problem is , I would Talk about it with your husband first, ask him to have a talk with her and if she keeps doing it, say something to her and then just keep it moving like it doesn’t even bother you, can’t force family to act like family.
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Talk to her. If she doesn’t want to hang out then let it go. If your husband isn’t worried about it then you don’t. You can tell when your not wanted somewhere
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Is this really about the 8 month old or do you feel like you and your husband are being left out? Is your husband concerned?
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Talk to ur husband and let him talk to his sister. If it still happens have a talk with her and see why its happening
I felt the same thing before, your sil is like mine. I used to feel hurt because i want us to be really close. Years later it turned out to be the best for me, my husband and our son not to be connected with them. They are so toxic. Now they are the ones begging us to have a relationship with them but cutting them off means more peace and blessings for me.
Meh screw it focus on your family you made!!! Don’t beg to be involved and I sure wouldn’t want to be somewhere I’m unwanted!!! Enjoy your baby they grow up way too fast!!!
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My children are 33 and 31 they met paternal grandmother twice in their lives. Can’t miss what you never had in first place. Let it go
Well, tbh maybe she doesn’t like you or it could be she feels awkward because she doesn’t know you like that. Why don’t you invite the cousins over, if you really want your daughter to be included then take initiative and be the host.
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I’d suggest to let it go. No point in forcing a relationship for you or your daughter. Spend that time instead with those who want to be with you and your daughter. Maybe invite them to do stuff with you and your daughter. If they continue to not accept your offer then you know you tried and then move on.
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At 8 months she could be looking at it as if she cant keep up with the older kids for playtime. If you want interaction…invite the kids to an event you plan.
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Invite them to your house.
Invite them to your place
I wouldnt bother esp since your daughter is so young. Theres not going to be any real relationship w cousins that much older.
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Well with Covid they probably haven’t felt comfortable having an actual baby at their house…I wouldn’t take it personally and doesn’t seem like you like her that much anyways🤷♀️
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Although I can understand how you feel, speak with her before you read something into it. Have the courage to nip any misunderstandings in the bud, your sister-in-law may have reasons unknown to you. Asking her directly will convey the message that you care and let her know that you want your families to be close. Family relationships are the most important relationships we will ever have and sometimes the most challenging. You are at least 50 percent responsible for the relationships you build, your husband can’t build them for you, it will be up to you. This is an opportunity for you to begin planting the seeds that will grow into a family legacy. I agree with Tomika Hall, you could plan an event and invite them to join you.
Invite them to your place for dinner or something casual a few times, she could simply just be giving you space as new borns can be a lot of work and she’s waiting for you to come up for air 
if she blows you off you know you’re not imagining it and move on.
Why don’t you take that step invite her first ,then you will see how she reacts to that, that’s when you can conclude
Even if you say something, it probably won’t change, but you should give it a try, at least so she knows and it’s her turn to change. But I guess, it won’t change, so after you let her know, give it some time to see and then just let it go, otherwise it will bother you forever, better have peace on your mind. Don’t worry about the people who don’t care about you!
Ummm how about you take the initiative and invite them to do something? Of course someone isn’t gonna take the initiative to invite a baby who can’t even walk or talk yet along to do activities. Also, from your attitude, it seems as though she’s already getting the vibe that you don’t wanna hang out with her so why in the hell should she invite negative energy around?
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Uh, no. You said so yourself you dont want to go over, then if you aren’t invited leave it alone. The baby is still small anyways.
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Let it go.
I wouldn’t want people in my kids life that have to be forced to be there
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Maybe it’s easier for her to handle older kids or maybe she didn’t say anything because your baby is still a baby. What does a 4 year old and a 8 month old have in common? I don’t expect my older nieces and nephews to hang out with my 9 month old when they come to visit my 10 year old 
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You could just say next time you guys hang out we would like to come too
Or ask her is there a reason you’re not inviting us
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So at the candy of sounding like a twat—You dont want to hang out with her…your kid is eight months old… Are you looking for a sitter? Cause thats how thats coming off. Your pissy about not being invited but dont like her and only want a relationship for yoyr 8MONTH old kid. I wouldnt invite you either- shes not doing your bs. Good for her, what are other kids gunna do with your baby… Cause shes got a house full of KIDS, why does your BABY need to be in the mix right now?
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It’s your husbands job to address issues with his family, whether they bother him or not. He married you so you’re his first priority. But if they don’t want want to include you, they won’t no matter what is said. 
How about you make the invite. You also said you don’t want to go. Maybe that shines threw abs they see that. So the invite stopped
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I’d let it go.if they wanted you I’d think they’d invite you and life’s too short to force things.be around people you are happy to be around.a cousin doesn’t have to be a blood relative. Make your own tribe.
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Honestly my son doesnt get much attention from anyone my girls do but I wouldnt foece it because people reach out when they care. Theu ask about how youe child ia doing and wants to see them not pushea them away makea excusea or blately pretenda they dont exist
why is it ok that you “really dont want to hang out with her” but it’s not ok that “she doesnt want to hang out with you”?
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Invite them over… Or to do stuff…
the 8 month old doesn’t know. hopefully they will invite when he’s older for now drop it
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My brother is this way. I just learned not to give a shit anymore
Let it go pick your battles not worth the trouble
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Probably because your baby is still really young. Those ages usually play rough and she probably doesn’t want accidents or have them stop playing for your baby to be honest. I mean it’s kinda understandable that she wouldnt want a young baby playing with older children right now.
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My husband and I moved close to his family and the same thing happened with his mom and his sister. They hung out at least once or twice a month and I was never invited unless it had something to do with my wedding. At first I was mad but now since we have pretty much not spoken to them in a long time i am glad I never got close. They aren’t really the people I care to involve my life in. This may be a similar situation… Even though you would like your daughter to be more involved when she gets older, now may not be the best time for your family to get close. Even though they may be family, it doesn’t mean it’s always great to hang out and get close.
Also, I also have a daughter who is 12 and she isn’t missing anything by not being in their lives…
Nope. My husband’s family is like this. I tried for 8 years and finally got tired of being the only one making an effort. I won’t force anyone to be in my children’s lives.
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This is going to sound harsh but let it go. Sounds like you are trying to make something out of nothing. You literally said you don’t want to hang out with her yet you are offended she doesn’t want to hang out with you? And yet you are trying to make your child the reason for being offended. She is 8months old and doesn’t care trust me. I see it as one of two reasons 1- kids are older so she doesn’t want kids playing rough around the baby or having to babysit the baby so you can hang out 2- she can tell you have no desire to hang out with her and so she doesn’t see the point to invite someone to her home that doesn’t want to be there. As some have told you don’t force a relationship in that same tone she doesn’t need to force one with you either.
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You can’t force people to be in her life. If they want to see her they will try to see here she deserves to feel loved and not like she’s been forced on someone.
If you don’t want to hang out with her anyway what do you care if they don’t invite your baby who can’t do anything it’s 8 months old. It seems a bit ridiculous.
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Considering that most of child’s life has been during a pandemic maybe she feels like you wouldn’t want to go… I mean you did say you didn’t want to hangout with her so maybe she senses that too. Have a grown up conversation with her.
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you’re way over thinking this.
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Have you invited them? Sometimes I get myself worked up about friends/family not calling, etc. But then I’m like well I’m not doing it either.
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Your child is in diapers, has no idea what’s going on or who is who, and you don’t wanna go lol what’s the issue ? You are basically upset because you were not invited to something that you didn’t wanna go to in the first place. . . As adults we can be like “hey you want to come over and spend time with us ?” …try it :]
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Close mouth doesn’t get fed. You want something be a adult and talk about it. Most family drama or even issues with friends happens cause people don’t talk about stuff.
I’m going to put aside the fact that you sound really irrationally upset about it given the fact that you clearly don’t like the woman and don’t want to hang out with her but want your kid to which makes very little sense to me. BUT let’s act like you didn’t say that and care about her and her kids being in your child’s life. I would start by not getting so offended over something so small. It could be a minor miscommunication or she just didn’t think your 8 month old would be safe or have fun with a bunch of rowdy kids. If you want to be involved, host it yourself. Set up a play date at your place or a park or something and invite them all to join. That way next time they plan one they will probably return the favor. Or reach out and explain that you would love for your child to start getting to know their cousins and to let you know the next time you get together. It doesn’t have to be a thing. Unless she genuinely gets a bad vibe from you or doesn’t like you, in which case 
you can’t control how other people respond to you all you can do is what you can do.
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4, 6, 14 and 16 are very different than an 8 month old.
How is your daughter going to bond with her cousins at this
Age anyway?
Unfortunately, just due to the 12-14 year age difference between her and the older kids, she may never have a close relationship with them.
I know your daughter is the world to you, but a lot of people are just not into babies…
Especially the cousins, given their ages.
Let it go.
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She’s never going to ask you to hang out take it from someone who’s been there. Move on and find someone else
She probably feels you don’t really like her.
I would invite them to a dinner ma
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let it go, begging to hang out is never a good look
Why don’t you invite them to hang out instead?
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The door goes both ways, but when your baby is so young since the other kids are older she’s not gonna be included much either so I think having a realistic expectation is fair.
Do you reach out to her to hang out or are you just waiting for her? Let it go lol
Let the anxiety go. Don’t let what she does ruin your bliss.
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Could it be because of covid? Maybe they don’t want to put your infant at risk. But if you’re wanting to keep a healthy relationship, suggest a play date at your home sometime.
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Just ask if y’all can have a play date. You never know you might actually enjoy it. And it can be a common hang out.
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Maybe she just doesn’t have the same kind of relationship with your husband that she has with her other brother, that has nothing to do with you or your kid 
. Not all my siblings have the same relationship with each other, everyone is different, and that’s the beauty of life.
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Don’t force yourself or your child where they aren’t wanted.
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Nope! My kids see my family 4 hours away more than my husband’s family within 30 minutes. Kids don’t miss people they don’t know! My kids love & are loved & adored by my parents, siblings & their kids- they look forward to seeing their cousins. Being loved at every visit is healthier than feeling tolerated at forced visits!
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You already said that you don’t want to hang out with her… she probably feels that. I don’t invite people who don’t want to hang out with me either. Even without knowing the history on either side, sounds like you need to work on that relationship if you want to be on hanging out terms. Don’t use the kids to perpetuate the argument.
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The SIL either knows you don’t want to hang out or there could be something btwn siblings you don’t know about. My husband wasn’t big on family time but I grew up with cousins so I called and set up my own damn family dates for my son. You want it, go get it. If not leave it be. Invite them over and go from there. Maybe they didn’t think you were up for it with an 8 month old
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My I have 2 SIL. One of them has seen my 15month old once and the other one has never even met our baby. But both of them are very active in his other childrens lives. They have nothing to do with our son bc they don’t like me. My husband has completely cut ties with them now.
I don’t worry about it bc kids don’t miss who they dk and honestly it’s them missing out not him.
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Maybe it will change when your child is older but honestly nope it’s their lost in the the end you jus enjoy the ones that want to be there an apart of your life. If they don’t make an effort then you don’t but if you feel you haven’t made one either invite them over to yours it’s a two way street really… 
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My hubby is the youngest in his family ( youngest of 6)… All I hear is how amazing my kids other cousins are. My kids are 21,20,18,12 and 7… My 12 year old daughter was standing next to her 26 year old cousin and they were fawning all over the 26 year old ‘how beautiful and gorgeous she is’ and my daughter slumped her shoulders. She already has low self esteem and is a beautiful girl (even though she doesn’t think so)… And my older boys hear how smart their male cousins are… My son is doing a second year apprenticeship, but he didn’t go to uni so that doesn’t count to them… They are lovely people, just very insensitive when it comes to my kids… My side of the family encourage my kids and my family are so proud of them… My family live 6 hours away and half the in-laws live 6 hours away and others live 40 minutes away…
She just said she doesn’t really want to hang out with her. People can pick up on those negative vibes. Maybe sis in law has a problem with someone who really doesn’t want to hang out with her and doesn’t want her around.
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I would count my blessings. You don’t want to go anyway. Your daughter is only 8 months old she’s not missing much right now you can always invite her and bring her to like the major family events like weddings and all that stuff but what’s an 8 month old going to do it a barbecue? Except to be an eight month old. And you don’t want to be there anyway. Does your husband? Maybe you should have a family meeting and figure out what the plan is first before you open your mouth and then you’re obligated to be at family events. But you didn’t want to go to anyway. See the weird logic there
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Wel I literally just alert for my form of cat , so what do I do d?? Swear clear or all off his classing already sneezing plus me and have been seen my doc zero covid
I don’t get what a 14 and 16 year old is supposed to want to do with a baby? The 4 and 6 year olds can at least play and interact. Some kids like babies and don’t mind playing with them. I, as a teenager, wanted nothing to do with them because a lot of adults take advantage and use the teenagers as free babysitting
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The kids are all older and that may be why you’re not invited yet. Maybe she doesn’t want to deal with a baby. It took a while for my sister to come around. That being said if you don’t want to hang out with her hand the baby over to dad and let him take her.
So you dont really want to hang out with her but you are upset that she doesnt invite you. Maybe dont worry about unless you’ve made an effort and she doesnt seem interested still.
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Don’t even bother saying anything… your husband should step up and say something. If your sister in law doesn’t invite you then just let it go… not worth getting yourself upset trying to figure out someone else’s thoughts
i dont think they do it on purpose. Your child is younger. May need naps etc. Their kids a little older. Why dont you call them to come to your house. See how everyone interacts there.
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Put the same effort she puts into knowing ur kid remember it goes both ways and maybe its for the best my kid is closer to my bffs kids and family not my actual family and I’m cool with it I actually prefer it less drama
Trust me when I say sometimes the best thing you can do for kids is let them have family they barely know
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Don’t let it get to you, you can’t change the other person. Extend invites to them at your place , if they come, great. if not , its their loss. I’ve dealt with this issue for over 20 years with my SIL. It is what it is.
Rather than confront the issue, change the family dialogue. Invite them all over for a picnic at your place. Offer to take the kids so your in-laws can have a night to themselves. Suggest sky zone or bowling.
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My husband’s dad and step mom are the same way with his two boys. The boys never bring them up. They don’t ask to go over there. If you don’t want to hang out with her I would wait and see how your child feels when they are older
I wouldn’t say anything. I have 5 kids. my own brother doesnt even really know them. and he has 2 kids. our kids really only see eachother if grandma has them all. I dont try to make people be in my life.
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Maybe she thinks your tired at the baby stage. You can let her know politely that you’d love to be included by inviting them to your house 1st. If she doesn’t invite you after that then it’s her problem!
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Good luck with that. I go through the same thing and it hurts but my thought is is “she” is making our relationship the way it is not me.
My brother n law is the same way. We don’t drink a lot or do some of the things they do. So I’m used to it already and my sister in laws don’t like me 
so they don’t invite me but they do invite my husband and daughter. Oh well. Maybe there is a reason they don’t include y’all
Let it go. Your daughter is still very young. What would she even be doing? And you dont even want to be over there.
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I wouldn’t say anything and that’s a 2 way street. Why don’t you invite her and the family to your house if you want everyone to “bond”
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Let it go. If you don’t want to hang out with her maybe she felt your negative vibes.
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She’s 9mos old. No you should not make an issue where there is none. Also let your husband or brother handle it.
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Try inviting them over if it bothers you and then they will maybe return the offer
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Yeah. Let it go. Even as family… you don’t have to like everyone. She obviously has a closer bond with the other brother and or his kids .
You don’t want to hang out with her, but you’re upset that you’re not included…
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I experienced the same issue. There isn’t anything you can do. If they include you they include you. It very much sucks but it doesn’t bother my kids none.
Say something. Always say how your feeling otherwise it will build up and come out in a negative way.
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My in laws don’t ever invite me/my family to anything… other than an occasional bay party or holiday meal. My mil and fil spend time with us regularly (did before covid anyways) but not my husband’s siblings. We aren’t anything alike so it doesn’t bother me, im actually not comfortable around them so im okay with not spending a ton of time with them. But I completely understand feeling a type of way after never getting invited
Honestly I wouldn’t even bother. I grew up with my aunts on my moms side never talking to me and hardly wanting to actually see me. They hardly even sent cards to me for any Xmas or birthday. They barely even talk to my mom. My dad’s side of the family hardly ever talks to me but they have done more for us than my moms side. When we are young we don’t understand, as I grow up we see and realize more things. I could care less if something happened to them. They don’t really make an effort. When I did I was ignored. Even when they paid for my ticket to California to see them. I live in New mexico, your child will understand once older and will make that decision. One of my sins disowned me about 5 years ago, no i didn’t care because she wasn’t in my life in any way.
Do you invite them over? It is not a competition.She can invite other family without including yours.
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I would just let it go, you really don’t want to hang out with her either way.
If you want your daughter to spend more time with her cousins why don’t YOU extend the invite. Call them all up or send a group Facebook message and plan a day together.
She might think that y’all don’t wanna hang out having a young baby…I personally hate hanging out when I have a young baby. Maybe she’s just trying to give you space or something? I’d at least ask her
Invite them all to your home if you feel the need. You don’t need to wait for others to fit you in. Get involved more. Do BBQs or dinners at yours instead. If they come, they come. If they don’t they don’t.