The most complicated situation I have EVER been in. I need some different perspective opinions. Okay. So my ex-husband and I got married at a very young age. We were together for a while, had a baby, then he left us. -Some time went by, I ended up taking him back. -In this time frame, we had a couple more kids & our marriage just wasn’t the same after he left me, so I left. Found me a guy that I was head over heels in love with. He was good to my kids. He was good to me. A good amount of time went by, my ex-husband would constantly call me, telling me how depressed the kids were and how broken they were. (The kids also came to my house, where they seemed to be perfectly fine) My ex would tell me that things would be so much better for them if I just came back and lived with him, where we could all be together again, but if I refused, then they were moving to another town where they could have a different life. Being my paranoid self, I immediately put my life that I built for myself (and my kids, I swear they were happy when they came to my house) I dropped all that. —I was up on my feet, happier than I had ever been. I was with a guy whom I loved dearly, I completely shattered his heart by letting myself be manipulated & I packed up my whole life and moved back in with my ex so that I could make sure that my kids were happy. Which they ARE. They always have been. My ex made it sound much worse than it actually was. I feel like the kids were actually getting the swing of things, life with separated parents. When I moved back down here, they’re excited that Mom’s back home, but deep down I can’t be myself here. I mean, I LOVE being with my kids full time. But I also can’t stand the fact that I broke down a good thing that I had going, and I also broke the heart of a really good guy that made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. What do I do? Do I find my own place again and regain my happiness? Or do I stay here & be with a person that I don’t have a future with? I feel like life is too short not to be happy. And if my kids see that I’m happy, they’ll follow suit. But I also down want to tear their world apart by moving out again. (By moving out, I mean within the same town, it’s not like I would be an hour away. I can go get them when I want to, and my ex came to come get them when he wants to) Could they ever recover from this if I did move again? But if I stay, I don’t want them to grow up & realize that mom made herself miserable by sticking around for us kids. (My mom did that & sure. It was selfless, but at the same time, she deserved happiness too. She wasted all them years and put herself on the back burner) I’m at war with my head & my heart.
Never stay in a relationship for the kids, you deserve happiness too.
I mean you tried to leave before but went back. So the question is if you leave this time are you gonna keep going back? Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not doing any good for your kids.
Take your exhusband to court so he cannot move away with your kids and stay away from the narcissistic man.
You should have never went back 
I’m a firm believer in not staying in a relationship for the kid(s)…go find your happiness
If your not happy, your kids won’t be either…
I’d take my kids with me!
No… idec what what the reason is never stay in the relationship “for the kids” the arguements, the no love will teach the boys goe to treat a woman and the girls what love looks like
Tbh, I wouldn’t even need to read the rest of it. The answer is always no. Never stay for the kids. They will be able to tell eventually and will see how unhappy you are. They deserve better than that. Better to have two separated but happy parents than miserable ones together.
Leave the man, take your babies and go start a new chapter.
Never stay for the kids, when you’re unhappy they can see that too. They deserve happy parents and they deserve to be happy too.
You can’t stay in a relationship for the kids they will see how unhappy and miserable u are and think that’s how relationships r supposed to be stop letting him manipulate u go to court get a court order that way he can’t move away and take the kids and go find your happiness everyone deserves to be loved and be happy
You already know the answer to this.
I would of never went back to begin with. I know it’s hard when you have kids but he manipulated you. Move out and move on and take the kiddos.
Can the kids not stay with you?
Never stay for the kids. In the end he will turn the kids against you and when they are old enough they will leave you because, if he can trick you. He is tricking them to see you as the bad guy and if you are unhappy it shows. Once they move off he doesn’t need you anymore you will be alone anyway. Take the kids and show them what a Healthy Happy life should look like or they will marry a find the same relationship you have
Don’t. Ever. Stay. For. The. Sake. Of. The. Kids. If. It’s. Not. A. Healthy. Relationship. 
Never. Ever. Your kids will be the ones who suffer from it. Better to be a single mum with happy healthy kids than in a dead relationship with your self and your kids suffering
Would you tell your daughter to stay to make someone else happy? They at the very least deserve a happy mother.
He is manipulating you and is narcissistic. You and your kids deserve better and to be happy.
He’s a psychopath and u fk up. Take your kids with and don’t look back.
You’ve made so many points here but the one that stood out, and I don’t think you even noticed it, was that you’re already trying to do damage control for your ex/husband. I can truly tell you don’t want to hurt anyone in this scenario, but you can’t give up everything before you even leave. Do you want to live near your ex? Do you want him to be able to come over anytime he wants? You need healthy boundaries that he has explicitly ignored in the past. I feel bad that you left your past relationship but that should show you that this husband is willing to go to great lengths and he’s quite selfish. It sounds like you need out but please don’t feel guilty about it. I’ve been there and I wish I had been more selfish at the time. Don’t trap yourself ahead of time. I wish you well. You seem like a great person.
Sounds like your ex has Narcissistic personality disorder… Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others’ feelings, an inability to handle any criticism and a sense of entitlement.
My favorite line in this whole read!! “He was good to me most of time”WTH
Girl. You do your children no good stressed out, miserable, and waiting for a way out. That is no way to live. You may think you do a great job of hiding it and putting on your Barbie face like everything is perfect, but they see it. YOU’RE not fooling anyone, except yourself. Your future is up to you! They will understand, if you are honest and open with them about why you made a decision. But that decision has to be yours… You have to decide for yourself. Ain’t nobody gonna make you happy except you. Not your ex. Not the man you left to go back to your ex. Not your children. It begins and ends with you. YOU decide what to allow and how you are treated. If you have to post this, you know the answer already, you’re just looking for verification and validation. Get on with your life, girl. Your children will be happy if YOU are happy.
Eta: ps. Next time you leave, take your kids, and file for primary custody and divorce. He can’t move if it’s in the court papers. He’s just using your kids as leverage against you.
Go. You will never be happy, and you said so yourself. You deserve to be happy too. Happy mom = happy kids. Kids can feel that tension. Growing up when my parents lived in the same house, I hated it. So much tension.
Never stay for the kids sake, that is more damaging for them x
I personally think you shouldn’t have moved back In with him in the first place.
I’d say leave again. Who wants to be unhappy. Your kids will understand eventually.
I didn’t even read your post. Just the question at the top. No. You should not stay in a relationship for the kids, under no circumstances.
You know the answer. If momma’s not happy, nobody is happy. Get going girl and get back to your life. Your kids will be there.
Girl do you! Your kids are going to realize mom isn’t happy…
You should leave. You’re ignoring your woman’s intuition, and it is calling on you hard. I say move out and get your own place and be your own woman with her kids. He can can see you in court about the parenting plan.
Don’t repeat the pattern. You knew your mom wasn’t happy and your kids know you’re not happy.
Go and make yourself happy!
I vote for going with your heart ( if he will have you back ) . Your husband cannot just move the kids away from you legally. It IS important for kids to see mom being genuinely happy, as long as kids are included in plan going forwatd.
Did you ask the kids if they were unhappy? Sounds like your ex was lying to get you back to do all the work around the house including child care.
I don’t understand why you went back to the ex in the first place.
When my son complained about our getting divorced, my daughter answered him, “Are you kidding? Why would you want to live with all that yelling?”
You need to think of your life as well. Don’t stay if your not happy. Your kids will understand. Take them with you when you leave. You’re ex is just trying to control your life.
I’m not sure you know what you want?
Until you find out, STOP screwing with the kids emotions, whether they show it or not, you’re the problem here !
You should have never moved back in with him you should have kept the guy who was there stay away from him he’s bad for you the kids be all right do something for yourself and be happy cuz if you put your life on hold now one day you will wake up and your life will be over and you spent the whole time being miserable live now be happy the kids will always love you you’re their mother but don’t let this guy turn around and guilt you into staying or coming back to him he’s no good for you
Trust that your kids know if you are unhappy and are not happy themselves. If he manipulates you this way, he will do it to them too. Kids aren’t going to live at home forever. They will grow older and get their own lives, you need to live yours.
This is not a healthy environment for you or for your children.
How much time has passed since you left the other man. I say if you can and he forgives RUN back to him…
Do what’s gonna make YOU happy. Not what makes him happy.
My only answer is… I FEEL SORRY FOR THE CHILDREN.
I’m sorry kids are not a reason to stay no one will be happy if momma isn’t happy! My daughters dad was an abusive narcissistic alcoholic. I tried leaving so many times. I was so happy when he finally made the decision to leave. My oldest which wasn’t his witnessed way more happen to his mom then he should have. And there was no way I was allowing my daughter to go through the same thing. 2 yrs he’s been gone and I still can’t kick him trying to control my life but my kids are so much more happy and momma is working on getting her self there. You make the decision that works for you 
i lived a crazy life constantly moving in and out of different men’s houses and back in with them. all i have to say is i’ll probably never forgive her for how miserable she made my teen years and i’m so thankful i ran away from her when i did
Yeah this is going to confuse the kids but I think you should leave. Make it clear you and not coming back and don’t let him manipulate you. Go to court and get your custody through them.
My mom put herself on the back burner and I ended wishing she had left because he made our lives miserable too. Leave, you all will be much happier.
I’m confused when you say the kids came to my house… do you not have custody of your children? Or do they live with your ex? Do you not see them the same amount of time or more then he does and if yes aren’t you capable of gauging your kids feelings? When you say you left, do you mean you left him and your children? Cause If that’s the case then again I feel maybe it’s not that you and their father are separated that’s making them depressed but the fact that their mother left THEM
Stay for the kids or your their mom take them with you
Why don’t you take the kids with you? Why would you leave them there? There are lots of resources out there to help single mothers! You don’t need to stay but you can’t play with your kids feelings like that!
I would never leave my kids I’d take them w me! i wouldn’t keep them from ther daddy. but I think maybe u should clear the air like my ex has full custody or 50 50 something or I just packed a bag n dipped fuck them kids
I truly believe you have made up your mind… just do it.
You shouldn’t have moved back in! No don’t stay for the kids! Don’t leave them with dad. Take them too. Life is to short to be unhappy!
An ex is an ex for a reason. You were foolish to leave the nice guy. I
'D move out, and be by yourself until you are happy that way. Only then should you ever think about a man.
And why didn’t you have your children full time then… And he couldn’t just pick up and leave with your kids if you share full custody…
No! Do NOT use your children like that! It is far better to come from a broken home rather than live in one!
If you have a chance for a better relationship go for it. Your ex was playing mind games with you. The kids will be fine. They are not the first kids split between two houses. They will grow up and have familes of their own. If you are happy it will refleck on to them. I just hope your new man can forgive you for leaving him. 
What do you want to teach them? You can’t pour from an empty cup and kids are smart they know what’s going on and when things aren’t right. You deserve to be fulfilled and happy.
No …if the parents are unhappy the children will be too … I stayed for years in a bad relationship for the sake of the children… I left 4 years ago the children are much happier as am I and so is my ex … the kids now have 2 happy homes instead of always being surrounded by stress
Staying in a loveless marriage can end up hurting your kids more than helping they arent stupid they pick up on alot more than we give them credit for. It might be difficult at first but seeing their mom happy instead of miserable will make them happy too. You deserve to be happy you only live once.
Coming from a household with toxic parents (not saying that your relationship with your ex is toxic) who stayed together for the wrong reasons. Don’t stay just for the kids. As they get older they will see everything that’s going on and see that something isn’t right. I’m not saying it will take a toll on them but with my parents it took a toll on me pretty badly. But staying for just the kids isn’t a relationship. I would’ve much rather had my parents divorced than live with them together.
Silly question but why did the kids stay with dad the first time? Seems a lot more to this story then were being told. You shouldn’t stay for the kids sake. But why shouldn’t you have shared custody or permanent custody yourself?
Kids learn by example. Staying in an unhealthy and unhappy situation will only be detrimental for them in the long run. Show them strength and independence by doing whatever it is to make yourself the best for them.
Oh sweet love , please please put your happiness first, kids grow up , they learn things and behaviors. You wouldn’t want this life for your children do not do it yourself. They will be okay because they still have you. Do what is the right and best thing for you. Being miserable is never the answer especially with this type of situation. Good luck 
I wouldn’t have left your happy relationship. Your kids will grow up and have their own lives. Seeing you unhappy will make them unhappy.
You need to be happy and currently you are not! Live your life and find your happiness! Your ex-husband manipulated you to move back and that was not right. Your kids can see you are not happy even if you pretend. Your kids will grow up and eventually leave and live their lives. My suggestion is to live on your own, create your happiness and enjoy life. Your kids love you and would want you to be happy!
You should not show your kids that being unhappy for your them is ok. They will think that’s how relationships are and I’m guessing you don’t want to show them that. You can be happy and still be their Mom. Show them it’s ok to have 2 loving homes, not one unhappy one.
You answered your own question. Find your happiness, live in it and let it radiate onto your children. I rather see my parents happy apart if they’re not happy together
Always be there for your kids relationships will always be changing coming and going but your kids will always be yours. Put the focus on them. Perhaps they dont feel comfortable telling you how they feel. You dont have to get back with your ex if you dont want to but you do need to get back to your kids. They might feel you want to live a life without them. Hope this helps best of luck and blessings 
Get a court ordered parenting plan that stipulates he cannot move more than 25 miles away. Then get out and find your happiness.
Please believe me for kids
They know different
If they were happy with dad ok but dad saw u to happy
Don’t regret you left. A wonderful person.
Think it out seriously
Or u will find yourself ALONE.
Love your kids learn them respect.
Specially if u found some that has given care your kids will be gone. ( and you alone )
Sounds like the kids father is listening to his own needs not yours. Sounds like you were really happy with the new guy. And your kids were not unhappy with that relationship either. Would a mediator help you to get these real feelings explained to the kids father.
You should not stay where your not happy that said You should also not leave you kids where you do not have 50/05 custody of them. Prat time parenting is is never okay you choose to leave your ex but in doing so left them so you did not have 50/50 custody. How is that putting their needs first. I am not trying to be mean but your kids did not ask to be here and because of that parent owe it to their kids to be in their live as much as possible and going to court and having that court order is important. Your playing with your kids lives as much as your ex is using them to get to you. You both need to grow up and be adults and not the children your acting like. If your were really serious about the other guy you would have never talked to your ex about anything but the kids to do so is called and emotional affair which mean you were not over your ex anyway so most likely should not have been with the other man.
The best thing I ever heard was the saying about flight attendants. Put your oxygen mask on first or you are no good to anyone else!
I knew my best move was leaving my ex. So, I’ve been raising my son by myself. I want my son to grow up seeing we can be happy with the right people. My situation is a little different because my sons bio has never tried to see him. But, I told him it was up to him to put the effort in and in the end he chose to be an alcoholic. Which is why I knew my son and I would be better off away from him. Do what you feel is right in your heart. I want my son to have a dad so badly, but I also haven’t dated in six years, since I left my ex when I was pregnant. Because my son deserves a happy life. He is where I concentrate my time right now. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision, whichever way you choose to go. 
There is no easy, right or wrong answer to your question. My best advice to you is ask yourself this… can you truly be happy with yourself if you don’t put your happiness first? I don’t think this is a selfish question either because how can you really take care of your kids if you don’t take care of yourself too?
Definitely leave, you should never stay on a relationship just for the kids, loads of parents split up the days and the kids will be fine in time and they’ll probably end up respecting you for your decision when they’re older, you need to think of yourself, show your kids the right choice to make, don’t teach them to put their happiness last, show then that they should be the most important person in their own live and they should out themselves first by doing it yourself, out yourself first for a change, don’t be miserable, choose to be happy x
Go back to the man that you loved and was happy with. Ask for forgiveness and your kids will be fine. Don’t let your ex tell you what needs to happen
Never stay in a relationship because of the kids. It’s the worst thing you can do. Trust me.
I think the best decision is to end it with the kids father and move out again, apologize to the really nice man you were with and hopefully you two can work it out. With regards to the kids there’s no problem with them living with their father full time and visiting you, if he does decide to move out of town then just have a court agreement that he can’t move too far with the kids so there’s not too much traveling for them on transfer days. I don’t think the father was trying to be malicious or manipulative I just think he missed the whole family scene which is really sad, he clearly does love you but if you don’t love him then it simply won’t work and it’s not a good environment for the kids to live with.
Kids would rather BE from a broken home than LIVE in a broken home…
You’ve made your choice several times. You keep going for him. Stop being a yoyo and love the one you’re with.
Why did you leave your kids? Why didnt you take them with you? Never stay in a relationship your unhappy in but kids come first. So get rid of the ex, and live your life with your kids.
Sometimes you have to do what you feel in your heart is right. Staying with someone your not happy with will make the kids suffer. I was in a mental and emotional abusive relationship for almost 10 years. I tried to make it work for my 2 youngest kids but couldn’t take it anymore and I took my kids and left. My oldest has to be in therapy now and my 2 youngest sees mom happy and they are happy. And let me tell you it was hard but the right decision for me. Even though I have to be the bad guy and explain to my 2 youngest why their dad won’t be coming to get them for his visit I do my best to make it up to them. My kids are happy cus mom is happy. You need to do what you feel is right for you.
Kids come first always. I strongly believe that. Nothing will ever change my mind. I am happy in my relationship. We are very happy.
Your kids will understand, dont stay where your not happy and if your gonna move out take your kids with you.
The relationship will never work if you aren’t in it for you.
I’m sorry you lost me at you left your kids.
Why did you leave your kids?
Why did you not have your kids to begin with? It sounds like he was living with your ex…anyway, never stay “for the kids”, you are doing more harm than good
You already know the answer to this… Best of luck!!!
You said it. Life is too short to be unhappy. Also, your kids will feel your unhappiness everyday as they grow older. Don’t stay for them, it won’t be healthy.
One day the kids will move out and you will be with someone you don’t love…
Get real already ex is manipulating you
Wow tough question if your doubting yourself that much do what one mom said share custody be with them 50% of the time. Then start fresh. You can’t expect to break someone’s heart and then trust you again so don’t go back to either the father of your children or that other guy you were seeing, get a fresh start and show your kids what happens is including them in it 
No!!! Dont ever stay just for the kids. The kids need to see their mother happy and being treated the way you should be treated. With real love!
Gurl you played yourself. You didn’t do it just for the children. You did it because you still ,loved your children father.
I’m surprised your kids aren’t psycho by now after treating them like yo yo’s. Stay-go, Stay-go, Stay-go. What a mixed up mess. He left, you left. Idc what either of you do at this point, however your kids need counseling to sort through all of this. They may SEEM fine but really? How could that be possible with 2 purely selfish parents?