I did this same thing. I finally hit a breaking point with his manipulation and bullshit. YOU deserve to be happy. Will it be hard on the kids short term? Sure, but be honest with them. You need to get out and the sooner the better.
Look this post was too long to read. But no one should stay in a relationship for their kids. Kids need to see strength. They need to see independence. Now, if you are just going through a rough time, work on it. But if the ONLY thing keeping you there are the kids, leave. They need to see what happiness looks like. Not an unhealthy marriage.
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No. I donât need to read past the first sentence. My parents separated when I was young. Much more healthy
Living with someone who abuses you emotionally isnât gonna end well. The abuse will grow. Please leave and if possible take the kids with you
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I lived with a man for 27 years father of my children i wish i would left years ago he finally passed away and i was free my children are grown went through many changes because i chose to stay with there father not to break up my family it was selfish of me to stay we were all un happy what to do if you believe in the higher power he wants you to be happy and ask your children how they feel it might help prayers
Children should learn what a healthy relationship is from parents⌠staying with someone you are unhappy with and not in love with doesnât teach them HEALTHY relationships. With proper talks and therapy - if needed- the children will adjust.
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Unpopular opinion, but I think you should try to make it work with your ex.
It sounds like he has some issues, to be sure, but he is the father of your children. As someone who was raised with separated parents, I can tell you it still hurts. Yeah, my mom and dad were unhappy, but at the end of the day it still feels like they treated their happiness as way more important than ours. Between me and my 3 sisters there were 2 suicide attempts, years of therapy, and still medications.
Happiness is a choice; you choose to be happy where you are and to love the person you are with. That doesnât mean you fall back into the same old! If there were things that bothered you about the relationship, talk to your ex. Make it clear that you want to try and make things work, but that there must be changes made for you to stay. Go to counseling if need be, go on dates, etc. What made the other relationship so appealing? Figure out what makes you happy, and try to fix the relationship you have.
I know life is too short to be unhappy, but think of what example you want your kids to follow. When they get unsatisfied in a relationship, do they give up and throw it away? Or do they stick it out and choose to love someone theyâve made a commitment to? Because no matter how perfect new guy may seem, in a few years I guarantee you youâll realize heâs a human being with flaws just like your ex. Donât throw your family away because things have gotten tough! Anything worth having is worth working for. Food for thought.
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I say go with the guy that made you happy. If your kids were happy before they will be happy again. Your ex was just lonely and manipulating you. Just tell him youâre not happy and move out.
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Talk to your kids and your husbandâŚtell them about how unhappy you are. Your right lifeâs short and I wouldnât want to spend it with someone you donât love anymore. Your a mother yes, but your also a women who has her own thoughts and wants and you can still be a good mommy and be single or with someone else⌠youâve already proved that.
Why would you stay? Just because you have kids by him doesnât mean you should just put up with anything.
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No. I would explain why I needed to leave in a way they would understand. As long as youâre in their life, your kids will be fine. You need to be happy and they need to see you happy.
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Not only is it more important to have two separate happy homes than one unhappy home together, just imagine, one day when the children are grown adults and flee the nest to make their own way in life this is the person youâre going to live out your twilight years with, just imagine how bad those years will be if youâre with the wrong one!
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No.I agree with first comment,i would take my kids and move away from so toxic and manipulative person.He dont change,he only cares about his own happiness,not yours.You can be happy with kids in somewhere else,because when they see that mommy is happy,so are they.I lived with toxic person and moving away frim him was best thing in my life.
Itâs not easy but you have to be true to your light, you have felt that flicker and will again. Build the life you want yourself. Kids always want a happy mum so go make that happen 
Feel free to ignore me but⌠I was in a almost reverse relationship where I was with a guy who I thought I loved but he eventually ruined my life financially and I only stayed because I loved his daughter with every ounce of my being.
One day I realised that I deserved better and left the relationship. I sent a message to his daughters mother to explain how I felt and how sorry I was that I would let his daughter down and she agreed that it wasnât me who let her down, it was my (now) ex that had let her down because I was good for him but he had taken advantage of that. I see that now, but at the time I was blinded by keeping her happy and that was all I cared about.
Iâve since realised that the children within a relationship are not a reason to sacrifice your own happiness. You know your children but you also know you! Children are very resilient little creatures and they will learn to understand. There will be anger, there will be sadness there will be pain for you and them both but⌠I promise you it gets better.
Go get your guy, explain your situation, If he understands and accepts you with all your baggage (all good baggage may I add) then you have found the one. and if heâs not ready to commit to you and your children in your current situation, then he doesnât deserve you.
Look after you hun! You need to look after yourself before you can look after anyone else. Xx
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You need to leave. Im curious as to why the kids are with him and not you. I get it if it was because you didnât have a job or a home that could accommodate the kids. The kids need their mom, but they need her to be strong, happy and independent. Kids are resilient they need to be told that no matter what that both you and their father love them. You are better for yourself and for your kids when you are not with him. You have to do what is best for you and for them. Your ex will always try to use the kids to manipulate you. He is the one with the issues.
Nopppe. I wouldnât stay or want to be around someone so toxic/manipulative
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What example are you setting for your children? Youâre showing them itâs okay to settle for less than they deserve, settle for less than what makes them happy. Whatâs stopping you taking the children and giving your ex access? If he doesnât like it he can fight you through the system. Take your kids and go live your life.
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No.
Didnât even read.
The answer is no.
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Take your kids with and let him to see them xx
If you even need to ask then I think you already know the answer. 
No offense, but the answer is obvious and the question is foolish. This one seems like a setup, not a real situationâŚ
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Get your ass out of there and take your kids with ya 
Dont leave ur kids. Where u go the kids go!! Put them first!
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No you should never stay in a relationship for your children, someone times a healthier environment for the children is for the parents to separate. my parents split up when I was 3 I had a brilliant childhood both parent loved us we could see our dad when ever we wanted & he would do literally anything for us. plus we had 2 lots of Christmas & birthday present
Donât post your problems on social media for the whole world to see.
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If I am reading this correctly she left her children, moved in with a nice man whom she then also left. She keeps going back to the waste of space she had children with. My head hurts reading this. Can I suggest she grows up before making adult decisions. Her first responsibility is, and always should be to her children.
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Iâm gonna just make sure this short and sweet and say by no means donât stay in a relationship you arenât happy in !! Your kids may seem happier and etc but they learn from things at home, they are going to think being in an unhappy relationship is normal / acceptable which it should never be .
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When I decided to split with my husband after 25 years I worried too.Then my son said Iâd rather come from a broken marriage than live in one.We decided he was right.We remained best friends tho.Celebrated special occasions together so they didânt have to decide where to go.Now 2 out of 3 of my sons are married.They learned from our mistakes and are happily married.We all deserve to be happy.We only get one life.Believe me kids grow up and have new lives.Iâll always be a part of their lives but I have to have my own life now.
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Kids are resilient! I left my ex when my kids were 9, 11, 13⌠I moved out and eventually my kidâs all followed! 29 years laterâŚthey all are very adjusted fine young parents and adults!
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No. Your children learn about relationships from parents. They learn how to treat people and how they should be treated. Absolutely not.
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I wouldnât have moved back. I would have taken the children to live with me. Since you already moved back, stay put. The children will be grown in no time; time past by quickly. Do not traumatize them again.
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How old are the kids? Sounds like your ex is prime custody , are you sure you donât just want to be free. , iâm sure itâs easier to go out and have a good time with the new guy and feel in love , when thereâs no responsibilities at home this goes both ways !!!
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By going back to a toxic relationship, you are showing them itâs ok to allow themselves to be manipulated into situations. Kids rather be from a broken home then grow up in one.
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No donât stay in made that mistake and my kids have memories of how unhappy I was it altered my moods for the bad⌠your kids canât be truly happy unless your happy
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Kids arenât happy if mama isnât happy!! FORGET THE EX!! If he felt so entitled to leave you and come back whenever he felt like IF he felt like it, you can do it too! If Mr. Right is willing to start fresh again, GO FOR IT!!
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Let all the kids be over thirteenâŚ
Then talk with themâŚand decideâŚ
Pls pls donât leave them nowâŚ
First duty is to themâŚhappiness will find you againâŚbuild hobbies and social life⌠Even nowâŚwith kids âŚ
It can be done âŚpls kids first
You deserve happiness too and your ex straight up manipulated you. Get a lawyer if you can, definitely seek out a psychologist or counseling if you arenât already to help you navigate through this. Cannot stress enough how helpful counseling is in a situation like you have described.
Good luck, stay safe x
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I left my husband when my kids were young . People used to say to me âŚohh what abt the kids ⌠think of them ⌠you should stay . The whole time âŚI was thinking abt my kids ⌠I left with my kids because I did think of them . I would NEVER want them to think that they go through life without choices ⌠there is always choices. I would never want my kids to think they need to stay in an unhappy ⌠unloving ⌠fake relationship. They are now young ⌠strong independent women ⌠they are totally understanding why I had to leave. ⌠and they came me with me anyway. They understood that their mum had to be happy to. We have a very close relationship.
I think if you sit down with your children and explain ⌠be honest ⌠let it come from the heart and tell them the true reason of why you went back and why you canât stay ⌠and keep the line of communication open ⌠continue the relationship ⌠it will all work out
Just talk to the children, tell them how you feel, and that you only moved back because you didnât want them to be unhappy. Tell them you donât love, or want to be with their dad anymore. They will understand, and probably already sense that youâre not happy. They too, will want you to be happy, and as long as they can see you when they want to, then they will be ok with the situation too. Too many women, historically, have made undue sacrifices for the sake of their children, and have found out later in life that their children wouldnât have wanted to have been the reason their mum didnât pursue her own happiness
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No relationship is worth that! NEVER stay for the kids! You are teaching them bad habits!
As long as the kids mentally are not effected and will be happy, go where your loved, and if the kids want to go too take them with you! Life is shorter than you think. Kids are adaptable if theyâre happy and loved. Your responsible for your kids.
Why wouldnât u take your kids with u when u left and not go back
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If you live with aman u dont love u will starts haveing all kinds of health problems. You be happy first then your kids will understand and be happy.
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If heâs not abusive and trying to be good
A beautiful life is a sacrificial one.
Being with him will create stability and confidence for those kids
Happiness is overrated and ill defined
Happiness is a decision
The more u give the happier u become
Copy the life of Jesus Christ, he loved and gave . When u lay down your life, (mot as a door mat)like he did. You reap his rewards
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So he left you first and you allowed him back into your life because you still loved him or thought it was the right thing to do? If the feelings are gone and donât want to try, please leave. Donât sacrifice the rest of your life over guilt. Idk the age of the kids but if theyâre not mature enough to make a decision, you make it for them. Whatever you do, PLEASE donât stay where youâre unhappy. Life is short. Best of luck 
Kids are smarter and more resilient than we give them credit for. Itâs worse to teach them to fake it than to do what you need to do to be truly happy⌠whatever that means for you.
This one of those things where you made your bed now you lie in itâŚI would sacrifice for my childrenâŚkids do learn but does anyone take note to what happens to them while they are learning that process
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Sounds like youâve already made up your mind and you want it validated.
My thoughts are with your kids who by now, with all the comings and goings, must have a very skewered view of life and family.
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Happy children need a Happy mom. I myself stayed in a toxic environment so my children had both biological parents and ended up destroying my family because of my own depression. We ended up with a DCFS case and my youngest daughter was removed from our home. Things happen that shouldnât and I was so depressed I didnât even know what went on around me. All 4 of us are in mental health therapy for the past year, My childrenâs Dad and I will be living separately going forward and my Daughter will remain in the care of a member of our extended family until she graduates high school next year. . . . Put yourself and your psychiatric health first so you can be the best parent your kids could ask for.
No, it wonât help them, only make them more vulnerable as they get older.
Take kids with u ex canât stop u coz u left as he did same 1st donât stay with anyone ur not happy with u will end up miserable sorry for being blunt
Move out & live by yourself & get your head & mind right for yourself & then share custody of your kids. You donât need to be with any man right now.
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Better to come from a broken home than to grow up in one
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Move on girl forget him also make sure enough file custody agreements or he can take them anywhere and they cops wonât do anything
You ALWAYS take your kids and never go back. Thatâs the way itâs done.
Who has Residential custodial care of the kids?
Can they live with you elsewhere full time or half Time?
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No. I made that mistake for 11 yrs.
Apologise to the Guy you shattered please!
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Go to a good psychotherapist and sort yourself out!
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Not happy so have a couple more kidsâŚ
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Take care of yourself move on
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The light bulb moment will eventually hit you. Wish you the best.
Seems to me you have always done exactly what you wanted anyway⌠so please yourself
No one can tell you whether you should leave or stay but if you listen to yourself it appears you are trying to please everybody but you. You moved back with your ex because âHe said the kids werenât happyâ But then said when they are with you they seem happy. Have you sat down and had a talk with the kids? Did you sit down and talked with the man you left? Not your ex, the one you were happy with.
Do you really listen? Thereâs a lot going on in this dialogue that you seem to be having with yourself. I donât know how old you or but all I can tell you is to sit down and think about you had/have life with your ex. Is that the life you want to continue with! You donât want to Live with regrets! Itâs not good accompaniment!
Youâre still emotionally attached!
Emotionally detach from the ex and then you will be able to focus and see things the way they really are. If you are willing to look at another persons behavior toward you as a reflection of their state of the relationship toward themselves rather then a statement about your value aS a person then you will over a period of time cease to react at all!
Detachment isnât selfish itâs caring for yourself and letting others care for themselves. Your children shouldnât have to be the pawn for the relationship. You may mot see it now but you will clearly see it in them as they get older. Stop confusing those kids with the back and forth. Itâs affecting them!
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If you remain in a relationship that makes you miserable, you are teaching your children they must remain in miserable, even dangerous, relationships.
If you extract yourself from a bad relationship, you give yourself the opportunity to grow. You show your children how to grow. You may even give yourself an opportunity to find a healthy relationship. If that happens, you show your children what a healthy relationship is, and perhaps what to do to keep it that way.
Your choice. What will your children learn?
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Leave him âŚgo to court get court ordered visitation and put into writing he canât move away with themâŚ
If you keep going back your kids will learn that⌠that itâs not ok to be 100% yourself and 100% happyâŚ
Donât sacrifice your whole self over A LIE your ex told youâŚ
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Stating married for the kids dont make things better for your kids, you or him. I can say I didnt enjoy the drama in my house with my parents. Would have been better if they divorced.
Do what you want, kids will adapt. But make a decision n stick with it.
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You got sucker punched. Donât ever forget it
Ahhh boy âŚyou are complicated, and messed up, big time ! In your own words, Your kids were perfectly fineâŚyou swore that, when they visited you, at your house. You on the other hand, were happy with your new love. And most of all, the kids were adjusted in the swing of things⌠Life with separated parents. Yet you allowed yourself to be tricked, and blackmailed by their father, that things would be âbetterâ for them, ⌠had you came back, and then blackmailed you; if you refused, theyâd move to another town. You should know moving wouldnât have made them better. I would let him. And made sure I had legal right to visitation ANYTIME I wanted. Youâve multiplied your own problem, and now your ripped & torn ! Gather your children, get their full attention, detail everything to them in the the simplest way, get their views, and let THEM help you to decide. Good luck âŚXoxo
I suggest you remove any men from your life and concentrate on bringing up your children
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Donât take your ex back.
Forget about our cancel culture that seeks to fulfill only ones desire
Heâs got her on a leash!
U got urself in this by taking back ur ex more then once. N to have children again with him . Wat a fool
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Never stay in a relationship just for the kids⌠they can handle so much more than we think⌠your ex sounds like a butt
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No. And go to therapy to heal so you never find yourself in an agonizing situation like this again. Its the best
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You messed up. In your own words, the kids were fine. You were very happy. It sounds like the only person not dealing with the situation was the father. Thatâs his problem. You donât say why you canât have the kids live with you. But regardless, I donât see any reason not to be in the situation that everyone ( almost) was happy
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What makes you think this second guy will feel the same about you again after you dumped him to be the wife and mother you thought you should be âŚwhat if you leave and are aloneâŚyou made all those babiesâŚyou should raise them,teach them,love them be there every day for them,have fun with them, and just be with the man you loved enough to make 3 babies withâŚsure a new lover is great but you are a adult woman and you created 3 human beings you need to take care ofâŚwhen they grow up and move away you might never hear from them againâŚif you dont really dont care and are a lousy mother anyway then go and be selfish and irresponsibleâŚ
Youâre going about this all wrong. It has absolutely 0 to do with your childrens happiness. That is a big mistake. You cannot put their happiness above your own in situations like this.
Secondly, you are teaching them that the type of relationship you have with your ex is normal, when its far from it.
Your children need to see first hand how a good relationship SHOULD be.
That alone, is the one thing that will impact their lives the most. Remember, its not about what affects them daily, but what will affect them for the rest of their lives.
The back and forth thing is really going to confuse them but staying in an unhealthy relationship will teach them that, thats normal and they will repeat your mistakes. Save them from that life, show them how a good relationship is supposed to be.
I say go be happy because you cannot hide your feelings from your children they can read how you feel they will be just fine.
If you are desperately unhappy, you should leave, but please take your time introducing a new partner into their lives. Let them get used to the new normal of separate homes and see you become strong and independent! That would be such a great example for them!
You can coparent talk to the kids but move on with ypur life or you will b old and unhappy and your life will
b over b happy. Your x husband is selfish.
The personal crap people post on social MEDIA is beyond me? Talk about dirty laundry for public to serâŚnext these people volunteer for JERRY SPRINGER TYPE TV SHOWS FOR THE ATTENTION
Do not stay married(or whatever) for the children, every adult whose parents split up when they were young can tell you exactly when their parentâs relationship went bad.
Never stay in a relationship for kids it hurts them in the long run plan and simple
Sounds like you bounce around too much.
This is toxic in here⌠Iâm out⌠be happy
no your better off outta of it
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Cathy Mabe Ross just wanted you to read this it does get better and kids are resilient cant be with someone just for kidsâŚ
You are confused. Could you move into a place of your own, so you can think clearly? The greatest gift we can give our children is for them to see our own happiness.
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You donât have to have strangers permission to keep making the same mistakes over and over again .
Your showing your children what a relationship/marriage should be. Show them love not fights/disrespect/ and toxic people
No! It may not be easy, but it will be worth it to remove yourself and children from toxic and negative relationship
Leave be happy but take your kids with you!!! Debbie
Ask yourself what you would want one of your kids to do.
Then be that example.
I would want my kids to be happy and loved right.
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Kick the manipulating ex asswipe to the curb
How old are the kids sit down and explain things
Get rid of the manipulative asshole and take the kids with you. Theyâll understand. You deserve better than to waste yourself with a jerk.