How about pray and ask God for guidance instead of everyone one else.
None of us can tell you what to do , because every situation isn’t the same. In the end it’s your decision. And nothing is right if you don’t have God in your life. Put God first and the rest will fall in place . People aren’t in your relationship ,so we don’t see what goes on behind close doors. When you put your life out there for all to see you get all kinds of feed back, that is what they would do and you need to do for you.
Again put God in it.
3 Likes
Welcome to the world of control freaks. He’s controlling you by means of the kids. What you allow will continue. You need to find happiness in yourself before bringing love into it. If you’re not happy, move out on your own and build a life that you’re proud of that your kids are happy in. Once you’ve done that, everything else will come. Don’t let anyone manipulate you into believing their happiness is more important than yours.
43 Likes
My advice is pray-God will give you an answer. I am not smart enough!-- But I would never leave my kids! No man is that important!
43 Likes
Life sucks put on your big girl panties and be a wife to the one you promised to do that with when you said vows a vow is a heartfelt promise you must have had strong feeling or you wouldn’t have married him
54 Likes
Your children learn about relationships from those around them… mainly you and your significant other.
So whatever you do… make sure the relationship you stay in, is the type you want for your children.
And dont think your children dont see the things you might be hiding from them.
If your happy and he treats you and the children right and you’re in love then that’s the person you should probably be with.
If you’re faking things the kids will pick up on that.
So whatever you do. Make it real and make sure it’s the example you want to give your children…
Good luck.
24 Likes
Did you ever think of sitting down and talking and explaining to your kids. But if your not happy then explain to them it just isn’t working. They love you both and will grow better understanding life as staying where it is won’t. Why are the kids not living with you.?
4 Likes
Explain to your kids that you and your spouse both love them and will always love them but sometimes relationships between grown ups needs to change so both people can become their best selves.
52 Likes
You should have taken your kids with you … you say your life was better than ever , I can’t relate to that because my daughter is my life I would be miserable without her in it every day xx
4 Likes
You have a responsibility to your children but you abandoned them? Your life and happiness is important but your children’s lives are more important.
40 Likes
Why leave without your kids? There is a reason YOU left why leave the kids behind. Of you NEW man is so great he’ll take them in.
27 Likes
First off take your kids and get full custody! Second off, you need to be writing all the crap down so when you go to court you have the info. That man is mentally abusive!
70 Likes
You have put yourself into a very precarious situation; therefore it will be, “what do you want to do”? Some can give their life up for the children, and some feels being happy themselves is more important. However, having the children on a see-saw is worse than being apart. And you are the only one that knows what makes you happy. If I had the relationship you have described, I would have never left; if your x could convince you, you must have something for him. My Mother, her relationship was important, me my kids were more important; therefore I sacrificed a relationship, all women cannot do that. Sorry, you must decide. Praying 
for you.
2 Likes
You deserve happiness. Kids bounce back. Since you’ve gone back a few times he knows how to work you. Talk with the man you love tell him the entire story if he’s willing to take you back go. The kids will actually be fine. It’s harder to go back and if you aren’t happy that will affect them. My parents divorced I was 13 I was mad at them both. Eventually my Mom smiled again. It’s hard on kids the older they are. I’m saying go without hesitation. If the love of your life won’t take you back don’t stay in a loveless marriage.
4 Likes
Should have never moved back, you’ve put yourself (and your children) back at square 1. Life ‘is’ too short. They’ll be fine.
52 Likes
Unhappy parents make for unhappy kids. They see and know more than we realize. You should leave, plain and simple. To me it’s sounds like you were completely manipulated into coming back into a relationship that you didn’t want to be in and for someone to use your kids a threat against you is so so wrong and very narcissistic. Co parenting is hard at first. It took me and my ex husband a year to get along with co parenting but we do now.
1 Like
You have but one life. It seems your ex doesn’t want you to be happy. Do whatever is best for you. Try to get full custody of the children. I will be praying for you. 
1 Like
So many being rude and judgmental . Go with the one that makes you happy 
your ex will be fine hes using his sadness to keep you there … not a stable relationship praying for you
6 Likes
Trust me, if you’re miserable then they’ll feel it and that’s not good for anyone. You need to cut ties with your ex and only talk to him regarding the kids. If he’s saying they’re unhappy then go to your kids and have a serious sit down and find out the truth, don’t go off his word.
1 Like
You answered your own question. You never should have gone back. And why arent your kids with you? Maybe a different custody arrangement would help.
7 Likes
Maybe you should go talk with a counselor, and work some things out in your own time before you make a decision. Every thing you said made sense and was valid, working with a counselor will help you be sure what you want to do.
Prayers
Ok, you absolutely cannot stay in a relationship for the kids. I am speaking from experience here. The tension, the unhappiness, your kids will see it and absorb it. That in itself is not healthy for them. I don’t agree with leaving because of another man, but if you are truly unhappy with your ex and see no future what’s the point? I suggest a custody arrangement, parenting plan so things don’t get messy. Move out, you will coparent, and share your kids. Self care is needed, you cannot be a good mother if you are miserable inside. Don’t allow your ex to manipulate you, don’t allow him to use your kids as ammunition. That is psychological abuse, so unhealthy. I lived this life too long and I’ve been out on my own, kids in tow for almost 3 years now. Best decision of my life.
4 Likes
1at is there some kind of custody agreement in order ? And when you left did you take the kids or leave them with him and just see them when you wanted too. A lot goes into play when it comes to that it’s not their fault you can’t make it work with their dad. He sounds like a narcissist for real. That’s just going off what I read. And since I don’t know who has more custody it’s hard to say. Is surly of never left my kids personally but again I don’t know the whole story. I wouldn’t stay where I’m not happy. BUT I’d damn well make sure I’d see/have my kids equal time.
2 Likes
And why did you leave your kids with a man who seems dysfunctional…
17 Likes
It sounds like you knew this was the wrong thing to do before you even did it. Sadly, making you feel guilty worked exactly how he wanted it to. Children are better off with two parents who are happiest when they are separated rather than two parents together and miserable!!
9 Likes
Why did you not have your kids . No you should never stay with someone because of kids. But I makes sure I had them mostly with him getting weekends. I could never start a life with out them living with me most of the time.
6 Likes
I agree whatever your choice make it and stick with it. No more back and forth. And I say do what makes you happy life is too short
5 Likes
Are you sure the broken hearted man will even take you back? You need to get your head on straight & why would you even think of leaving your children behind?
4 Likes
God doesn’t expect us to live in hell on earth. Why would you even try? Live the life that makes you and the kids happy. Do not include your ex.
5 Likes
No never, kids live what they learn and never let them think it’s ok to settle for less then you’d want or expect for them, ask yourself, is this what I want them to expect from a relationship when they find it? Is this what I want them to think what love is? If it’s no then the answer is no. You can fight for love but do not be defeated by what you think you suppose to accept.
8 Likes
Whatever you decide to do, you need to do it. Quit the back and forth. That’s causing more damage…
4 Likes
If you stay, your kids will learn that it’s okay to be in an unhealthy relationship with someone who treats you like crap and manipulates you. This is coming from a 20 year old. That’s just what I’ve learned. You learn a lot from your parents and how they go through life. Be your kids role model. They will be fine eventually.
3 Likes
Your kids are t happy. They pretend to be. They know everything.
And when they get older they tell you that they weren’t happy.
Why not take your kids to your new home? I couldn’t leave my kids.
5 Likes
Get your own place, no matter how small. Then get your life together and at that time ask your children where they want to be. This situation is no good for anyone.
2 Likes
No. I did. It is a no win. The kids need to see you happy. They do not get it. I stayed for their sake. Praying for your Well being
1 Like
If it’s not a loving and caring relationship to set the example for your children of a healthy relationship then absolutely not.
1 Like
Leave dear one, you deserve it! Think about what advice you would give if one of your children was in the same situation.
Best of luck!
1 Like
I think you just wrote my story I did leave again and found a great man for me in happy and my kids 1 and 6 are happy daddy is happy and mommy is happy still working on thing but so far this time its going great
1 Like
You need to leave and be happy!! The kids will be ok. Your happiness matters to. I stayed for way to long in a relationship like that. The girls were upset but they knew it was for the best and they are fine. Better to be from a broken home then live in a miserable one.
You let him manipulate you. This may not be a very popular comment but I have never understood the “staying together for the kids sake” thing. You are setting an example for your kids on what a relationship should look like. They need to see what a loving, happy relationship looks like. You lead by example. I don’t know the ages of your children but make no mistake, they see and feel more than you probably realize. They know you love them no matter what. And in all honesty they probably know you’re not happy with their father, at least if they are old enough. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to be happy.
Go to court. Get 50/50 custody of the kids. And move on for your mental health. Stop letting your baby daddy tell you what to do. You can’t be a good mom if your not happy.
You should shared or full custody of the kids that would solve a lot of problems that being said you w @1pm old be able to life your life happy without him controlling you. Your kids will unders6 if you are truthful to them dont sugar coat anything. No one is perfect and even adults make misteaks.
If i was you I would leave with the kids and make a new home for u and the kids that makes u happy big mistake being around someone u don’t live anymore I did and my kids rebelled against me in later life
Explain to your kids the circumstances they should and will understand if not now later
Make sure you get joint custody and that neither of you can move out of state unless mutually agreed upon. If he can take your kids away, you will regret leaving. If you can coparent and have your own places to live, that would be ideal. Hopefully the good man you mentioned will still be available. Good luck!
Never stay in a bad relationship for your kids they will be fine actually better with not being in a bad relationship. It sounds like it is your ex that wants you back
I am going to tell you that I am from a family whose mother put what she thought was her own happiness first ahead of her child. Married a terrible man and stayed with him even though she knew how bad he made my life. She never did one thing to fix any of “her mistake”.
I have 4 children and I would Never put anything or anyone ahead of their happiness because I have been the child in the situation where my mother believed I would be okay if she put herself and her happiness first.
1 Like
It is best for kids to be with 2 parents who live apart & are happy rather than living with both parents who are not.
It seems your ex is controlling you by using the kids. If you allow this manipulative behavior by him it will continue.
Yes! Find your own place, you should never have moved back.
1 Like
How old are the kids? Why didnt you take them with you when you left? Your kids come first. Then the men in your life. If you dont want to be with their father then take your kids and get your own place. Dont let anybody use guilt on you. Tell your kids that you love them more than any man and that they are the most important thing in your life. STOP playing games your hurting those kids. Your children go to bed at night not knowing if you will be there when they wake up in the morning. They have no security. They dont know if daddy will decide to leave too. You need to grow up. Sounds to me like you love yourself more than the children you brought into this world. They will always be YOUR kids no matter how many men you you go after.
1 Like
NEVER!!! I did that and things were never the same!! If you have joint custody he can’t take the kids to another country unless you give the ok. If you got joint custody but primary residence is with you then he gets them when you guys decide on the times!! You should have never went back but stayed with the decent caring guy you left. Where were you living and where was your ex living
I have mixed feelings about this…I did stay and my kids always came first…but I had all boys and once they got married I had to learn my feelings count 2nd if that…like somebody said ask God for guidance…God Bless You And In Jesus Name I Will Pray For You…xoxo:pray:
Honor your vows.
When your kids are grown…you can do what u want…if your husband isn’t abusive…give your kids a solid space…
Then…be free
When you are unhappy and stay your teaching your kids it is normal to be in an unhealthy relationship. I did that for years. Lucky for me he left me for someone way younger and I am free but I stayed far to long and did more damage to my kids than good.
You’ve got to do what’s best for your kids. Living with a manipulater isn’t good. Also seeing their mother unhappy isn’t good either. I’m speaking from a child’s protective. Because I was that child.
This is tough…but this is my advice…your kids are going to be ok…you need to do what makes you happy because eventually they will leave and where does that put you in that house with the ex? The best of luck!
I was in a relationship that I had to protect my kids, an my ex boyfriend kids that lived with us. I took the abuse from my ex so his daughter won’t get it. I made myself unhappy to protect my step daughter kinda from her dad’s abuse until she was old enough to speech up at school about it. One I left 4 years old with my two kids then sh*t really got worse for her until she told someone an they finally listen an now I have full custody of her. I am in my own place raising my two bio girls an my adopted daughter they are doing so well in school an enjoying being teenagers an a kid ( 16,14an 7) doing things that kids do an going places with their friends an just being kids. I love my life now an my girls are the happiest they ever been. So just do what makes u happy an ur kids will be too.
Dobyou guys have a custody agreement because it sounds like y’all need one.
Youve answered your own question and are looking to strangers to validate your choice…
1 Like
Take from someone who went through 13 years of parents staying for the kids, DO NOT PUT YOUR CHILDREN THROUGH THAT!
You think you’re helping them by giving them both parents but trust me the fighting and broke trust will hurt them more than anything.
1 Like
Your children come first, always, and should never be abandoned so that you can stay with a man; but Don’t be manipulated into staying in a bad marriage. In the words of Dr Phil, children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.
1 Like
I think you need counseling, if you were able to share time with your kids that is important , they need both mom and dad.You were manipulated into leaving someone that made you happy and if your ex was keeping your kids from you that is further manipulation.You are happy to be with your kids and always will be but YOU are not happy and the kids will know this and maybe blame themselves
You are always responsible for your own life. Your children, is safe and happy will be fine, grow, succeed, meet a life partner or be happy alone, and what of your life. BE HAPPY!!! This is not a “dress rehearsal”!
DO NOT STAY WITH A PERSON TO MAKE YOUR KIDS HAPPY. Kids pick up on everything. They know you’re not happy. Would you tell them to stay in a situation where they are not happy? No you would NOT. Live your life for yourself and then your kids will be happy.
You were manipulated by your ex. Kids adapt. And if your new bf is awesome, then your kids will think so too.
1 Like
Something is not right with you. As a mom, my kids will live where I live. And what man would want a relationship with a person who literally left their kids so that they could be happy?
I feel bad for your kids… those are the true victims in the situation you and your husband created.
Never stay together just for your children!!! They know that you’re unhappy and that makes them unhappy!
How old are your kids?
Walking away is an excuse 2 make you feel better the blame game they should be mad when u have kids your wants your needs are out the window. You had a good time getting them here as my mother would say u made your bed not stay in it move what about there friends
1 Like
I stayed in an abusive relationship “ for my kids” my oldest son recently asked me why I stayed he said it would have been better growing up if I had left kids are resilient do what you need to do to make you happy you’re kids will follow suit
1 Like
It is always better to do what God says. Happiness is a byproduct of doing right. I recommend that you and your spouse seek a good Christian marriage counselor who can help you recover joy and satisfaction in your marriage and family.
The yo yo effect is more damaging than being separated. Yes, your kids are important. But you can’t be the best mother to them if you are completely unhappy. Sounds like your ex is a narcissist and knows how to manipulate you. Put your big girl panties on and decide if you are staying in an unhappy relationship or not. Remember, you are showing your kids how to have a relationship…decide what you want to teach them on how to treat a partner or how to be treated by one. But STOP the together apart BS
I’m confused… why is it that they have to live with him? If it’s a 50/50 custody thing just move out and find your own place. Be happy so the kids can see you happy.
My mom is just now wanting out of that hell she made for herself I’m about to be 30 her crying on the phone because my dad is in the hospital and shes alone and all those thoughts running through her mind
All you are doing is teaching your kids that it’s okay to do the same thing to someone else or to be treated that way. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for. Also, children are never happy when they see or hear their parents argue. Even if they aren’t there they always know because they know when you are unhappy. And it is never okay to be unhappy (with life in general) or depend on someone else for your happiness.
sounds to me he wants him cake and eat it too i guess u think your i
ki d s are better off with a father that comes and goes and he will its not just about the kids if they r fine with u than maybe u should talk to the ask what they do at dads do they fun there lightly talk
Do not stay in a relationship for the children. Been there…I loved my parents but they should not have stayed together for us kids. That’s worse
If you are not happy then your children won’t be. As mothers we have to make choices - is it better for the children to live in a chaotic acrimonious relationship or go with a stable parent? Going back to a bad place for you doesn’t help those kids. If they have a stable strong relationship with dad - 
. Personally I would never have left my children for my ex to raise because he didn’t love them- not true- he loved them but not enough to sacrifice his happiness for theirs.
Absolutely leave now My!
My ex-husband who is now passed played mind games like this with our son, I went back and stayed 5 more years and eventually left but going back was the absolute worst decision that I ever made. Your happiness is more Important.
Your kids will survive and you will be happy. My mom did what you did except stayed in the home. We were all miserable till I was about 14or15 yrs old. When Dad moved out we all begin to breath. I appreciated the food in my belly and roof over my head he helped with, but he was NEVER a daddy to any of us 3 kids and a step son. He just existed in the house . No kind of a fun father. Go get your sweet man back.
1 Like
Hunny I’m so sorry I’m going through the same thing and it’s hard. But if your unhappy and been through it , I believe it will stay that way. We can do this on our own, it will be hard but it’s possible. Kids can grow up with seperated parents. Better to be happy cause like u said they’ll feel it too. Hugs and wish you the best
1st of all you need to follow your heart and be happy once you are happy everything else will fall into place.
So with that being said you need to move out and get your own place. You have already proved you could do that so do that again.
I would reach out to the guy who made you happy. Let him know that you tried to make it work but your heart was with him so it didn’t work.
If the good guy truly loved you he would understand and you two would work things out. Then you would be happy and the kids would be happy knowing both parents are happy.
Tell your x you can no longer be with him and you don’t want any drama. If it pertains to the kids you will talk to him. If not he is on his own.
Now the ball is in your court!
Do what is right for you!
The kids will grow up and leave but you have a life to live too and you deserve to be happy!
Why are your kids with your ex? When you left didn’t you get full custody? This is such a sad
Situation, you should get some counseling with a family counselor who can help you make the right decision where you and your kids will be happy…
Hang in there. In all honesty, Id say leave but not before ensuring your kids know exactly why you’re doing so. You’d be surprised at how understanding children can be nowadays. Communication is key. Dont let your ex manipulate and use the kids against you. Thats such a toxic trait. I wish you all the best and pray God be with you as you make your decision x ofa atu 
I purposly did not read any of the other comments but I know that kids are pretty smart and I think you threw away a great thing. You ex should stay an ex. You and he obviously lost whatever it was you initially had and youfound a great guy that loved you and you loved him. There are many divorced parents that work things out with the kids but staying with someone you no longer have feelings for is a mistake (in my opinion) At this point 10 people will give you pro and con responses so go see professional that can help you see what you cannot see now.
1 Like
This makes me sooo angry!! I was put in the same position with a physically and verbally abusive husband. Even after I married another. man, the phone calls and threats and pleading continued. I finally let my son decide who he wanted to live with. He chose my ex-husband and a week later, my ex called and begged me to take him back. Didn’t happen and my son learned that his father was a user and a liar. Tell the guy that the children can go live with him and , then , sit back and wait for the results ( it has happened with several of my friends, with the begging to take them back. ) Your children will find out soon enough who really cares and loves them. Stop feeling guilty!!! A sociopath always makes it your fault!! Hopefully, you never make the mistake of dumping a person who really cares for you and get on with your life.
1 Like
What would you tell your children if they were to ask you this same question? Next have you or your partner though about any kind of counseling? If all avenues have been exhausted, then it’s time to start thinking of alternatives such as separation/divorce. Children will heal and as they get older they will understand as to why you left the situation
I think she is demonstrating instability and that should be addressed way before she entertains a man. Maybe be alone without a man so you can make yourself happy instead of placing your power in someone else’s hands. You are a mother and should put your kids first so if you want to show them happiness it starts with you not a man.
The grass isn’t always greener on the otherside i don’t mean that in a bad way,my 3 kids were young 14,13 and 9 when me and my x husband split he was a hard worker but always put his mother and siblings before my kids mine you they weren’t good to my kids i met a man I was deeply in love with we were together for 2 yrs(my kids were with me)but he became a drunk and the relationship fell apart,i then met and married a man at this point god knows why we were together 8 years he didn’t work and the burden fell on me although he helped at home i found he was cheating and we split after awhile i started dating a coworker we’ve been together now almost 11 years in my opinion 1 year to many and barely does anything for me without complaining and I’ve grown very unhappy ive lost a lot over the years and have had many health issues including lung cancer surgery almost 2 years ago i have come to terms that i don’t care if I’m alone anymore i because a first time grandma 2 years ago and my grandson is my world
1 Like
Don’t think you are not hurting your kid’s, You Are!!! They have no stability. They are miserable not you. It’s all about you. Grow UP!!!
How selfish!! Does nothing but your own happiness mean anything to you? Your children just appear to be pawns in this story. Right now the health and happiness of your kids need to be first priority. Get yourself a place with room for the kids. See an attorney and get support for them. When you figure out how to be a mother and quit shuffling your kids back and forth, then you can bring a man into your life who can be a father figure to them.
That’s what’s wrong with the world today people don’t know how to keep promises or vows or secrets you wonder why your marriage is don’t work and your loss is so screwed up it’s because you put all your business out here on these platforms for everybody to pick apart that ain’t normal people no matter what they tell you now some things are not meant to be shared
Follow your heart you should be happy in life it’s harder for kids growing up seeing their mom unhappy all the time. They don’t like that life anymore than you. Kids can adjust very easy,just let them know that you love them but that your not happy where you’re at. I am sure he will tell them stories but be honest with them. Just follow your heart before the other guy gives up on you.
Dad isn’t happy and misery loves company. Leopards don’t change their spots. Get out and hope the other guy will have you back. How old are the kids. If old enough, talk to them.
2 Likes
I stayed “for my kids” for 25 years! When I left with my two minor children (other 2 were in college) and returned to our home town Dad was supposed to relocate back also according to our divorce. Instead every time i met him so he could have visitation he played mind games with them, cried and bad mouthed me. After 6 months he bought them back with expensive electronics and for a year REFUSED to bring them for visitation. Hardest year of my life as my kids were my world and up until divorce he had nothing to do with them. Don’t wait until your kids are old enough to be manipulated! In my case my ex was the definition of narcissist! I left when a good friend finally said “It’s better for kids to come from a broken home than live in one”. My kids, now all adults never learned how they should be treated
1 Like
Leave and take your children with you. DO NOT EVER LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN BEHIND. They are your priority. No competition with any man. They come first. Honestly I can’t believe you don’t know that.
2 Likes
Oil and water aren’t compatible and it’s wrong of him to use the kids against you to try to keep you with him.
Broken parents raise Broken kids think of that. If you don’t love someone why fake it move on. Build yourself as single women.
Children are being used as pawns in this and it’s sad. My ex husband has been doing the same thing. Ths only exception is I sat my children ages 15, 10, and 8 down and explained to them that mommy cares for daddy but doesnt have the love for their dad. Just last weekend he told me our 8 year old wants him and ik to get back together, but I’m happier without him. I’ve not dated, even though we have been separated for 3 1/2 years and divorced for 1 year. I like my independence from his narcissistic behavior, even though he still tries I feel more powerful away than I did by being with him. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. Also lots of counciling has helped
You are amazing for putting your children first. So many people don’t and it only hurts the kids in the long run.
Don’t walk, run. You’re doing your kids a disservice by staying in a loveless marriage where you are miserable. We have to show our kids how to love and them watching what you and your husband have going on isn’t going to do that.
Besides the children, which are a very important factor in this situation, YOU also have to think about YOU. You talk about how your mom did the same thing and you watched her put herself on the back burner all those years. Well, here you are doing the same thing. You’re doing what you were shown and you definitely don’t want to lead your kids to be believe that this is how relationships are suppose to work. You deserve to be happy too. Just remember, you cat pour from an empty glass. Best of luck to you
If I left my kids would leave with me,I would be er just leave my kids.unless hevgot custody in the divorce but they would have left with me when I left then it be up to the court I do know at a certain age they can choose who they want to live with.thatvyou have no control over.if its joint custody they both have them at diff times.but if they under age I would never walk out an leave my kids.it would be over my dead body
If he is your EX and still is… Then you are not legally binded to Him and he manipulated you to self destruct your own happiness because he was miserable. That IS NOT LOVE… Get something solid in writing for your children. I would not let him control me emotionally and not to use my children. Let friend of court know what has happen. You dont need to be living with another man; until your sure and with a ring of promise , if not married. Children should not be bouncing from relationship to relationship with you. They should not meet anyone new; until your sure. That harm’s them emotionally. To many toss away in the name of “love”. What is that teaching your children? What is your worth; of who you are ? Get to spend time with you and know what and who you want before subjecting children into adult situations. Protect their little minds and hearts.
Why can’t you take the kids with you get custody of them and then move out. I would do anything for my kids except I wouldn’t stay in a horrible relationship because I wouldn’t want them to think thats OK. And this guy doesn’t really think of you he just wants u there cuz he can’t do 7t alone. U saw your mom do this break the cycle