Has anyone dealt with divorce with both kids of your own and kids your spouse had from a previous marriage? How did you go about distancing yourself from the equation when you separated or did you stay as involved in their lives as you had been?
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Well that would depend, there is no reason for distance between the kids. The divorce is between the adults, if the kids get along and you and he have good relationships with each others children it should not be a problem nor shoulld it be any different than any divorce.
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I have stayed in my step daughter’s life, i divorced her father not her…
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i am the child of a divorce of my dad and step mother and i still talk to her and all of her family 15 years later. they were married for 10 years before getting divorced so i grew up with the whole family.
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I see no reason for you to stay in their lives…yall getting divorced and they are not your kids give them their space…seem like you want to stay bcuz of their father…focus on u an urs an let him focus on him and his own…plus it will be very difficult u still in the pic bcuz of his kids when he do find someone else…if they were ur own then i can understamd but they are not.
Really depends on the individual situation, how long have y’all been together what kind of relationship do you have with the others children. Talk to your ex and have him talk to the kids what are their feelings? Do you want to maintain a relationship with them? I had a step parent from age 6-10 when they were no longer involved with my parent they still called and checked in and we always had lunch on my bday:) now I am 37 and we still talk a few times a year and it means a lot to me.
Depends on the situation of everyone involved. My Mom and Stepdad got a divorce last year and I’m 31… I’ve known the man since I was 9 years old. He is still very much a part of my life and I would be devastated if he wasn’t!
I would say it depends on how old the kids are and how involved you were in their lives. My step dad was amazing to me. He and my mom got together when I was in high school and were only married a few years, but he treated me like his own child. Heck, he even co-signed on my house so I could get it at 21 since I had no credit. We still meet up and have breakfast, I still call to chat about our life’s happenings, and just be there. He’s even told me multiple times I’m the best thing that’s came out of that marriage. My mom knows we still talk. I don’t think she’s a huge fan, but she knows that regardless of how it played out with them, he loves me.
Good with one not the other
My ex husband’s kids are my world still!! I couldn’t deprive them bc of who their father was! And now the kids are old enough to where they call and text me everyday on their own just to talk or see me.
It’s a shame that you need to ask !!! 
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When my cheating ex husband left to eventually marry ONE of his girlfriends. I tried to stay in my step children’s lives. I raised them for 15+ years. Their mom was totally AWOL for the first 10 years. The kids were under 9 months and under 3 years of age; when I married their father. They have Absolutely nothing to do with me or my family- who Always treated them like gold. They were 18, and 15 when he left. They are adults; and chose to not have a relationship. They post on Facebook how much they love their mom, and stepmom. It breaks my heart. But you learn to move on.
Everybody is different my son loves his step mom and when his dad left she was still apart of my sons life he would ask for her and she would speak to him everyday and ask about his day we would meet for parent teacher conference she will always be apart of my son’s life that’s his 2nd mom most people dont have that kind of relationship I’m happy that he has 2 moms
My ex’s soon to be ex wife wants to stay in my kids lives… there is nothing wrong with an extra person for them that wants to be there for them and love them… divorce is for the grown ups… kids shouldn’t suffer or feel abandoned when the adults can’t get along.
I don’t think it’s a cut and dry answer—their age, relationship with them matters. If they are young and you weren’t together long then I’d say no, but if you are the only mother figure they’ve known I think it would be something to think about.
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My mom remarried my stepfather and my mother passed away about 10 years ago and my stepfather still helps me he stuck around even after my mom passed away he was heaven sent he helps me out immensely
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I don’t have any step kids but I allowed my kids former step mom to be apart of their lives after she left their dad. We didn’t get along but I knew my kids loved her. After awhile she stopped seeing them and hasn’t in about 2 years now.
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It depends on how long you were with them, the age of the kids, and if THEY wanna stay close to you too.
Family is family. Stay close if you CAN.
My step daughter things I am an evil. We married when she was 3. She is now 16. Things were great until she was a teen. Now she wants nothing to do with me. But who knows when she gets older… Keep the door open
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Social stopped my kids seeing there dad as he’s abusive alcoholic but they loved his partner and she was good to them so I rang her asking if she still wanted to see them but he won’t let her
My bonus baby calls me mom she’s turning 5 soon I’ve known her since she was 16months. I couldn’t imagine not seeing her and shes one of the reasons her daddy still lives with me. I wouldn’t want to separate her from her brother (soon to be brothers) either
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I would say it depends on the situation. But regardless it should be a slow transition if decided that the step-parent is faded out.
Don’t ever just cut them out of your lives my stepdad and mom split and he has nothing to do with us kids now and that Hurts alot because he was a huge part of our lives and our kids lives for 10yrs before they split
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I’m in this situation and the kids love eachother, so we still go to Birthdays do sleepovers… which now we get along alot better but it’s good for the kids to stay close in my situation considering the confusion.
I had a close relationship with my ex step mom, when my dad and her divorced she completely cut us off. It was really hurtful. If you have a relationship with the kids i dont see anything wrong with staying in touch with them and making an effort to be there for them if they want to continue that relationship with you and vice versa. You don’t have to be there fully but don’t suggest completely removing yourself from the equation in one shot.
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In my experience my dad remarried when I was 5 my stepmom ended up having 2 kids from my dad they are no longer together but she is still very much in our lives because we are very much in my sister and brother life
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It does depend on the kids ages & years youve been around. Id hope my husband continues in my kids lives as their father deceased and my grandkids know no other grandfather.
YOU DON’T DIVORCE KIDS, YOU DIVORCE A SPOUSE!
I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to still continue being in their lives! Granted if they’re minors it’s up to their biological parents on how much you get to see them.
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I am a child of several divorces as I am now 36…Hi have an amazing relationship with my step grandparents and step aunt Even though they stopped technically being family when I was like 12 and I currently have two stepmoms one that is married to my dad and one that is no longer married to him but she is still my stepmom and she is considered my children’s grandmother I still consider everybody my family even though my parents didn’t stay with my step parents
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Thats a personal decision however if you have a good relationship with them then I say yes you should stay in their life
My parents split when I was pretty young, and my dad was the only to remarry. His second wife had one son, and my sister and I keep a friendly relationship with her, despite her and my dad divorce some time later. We are adults now, and I feel that if the relationship is allowed, and desired on both ends there shouldn’t be an issue! My stepmom was and still is a big inspiration to who I am as a woman and a mother! Besides my mom who I love dearly, she really helped guide me through my adolescence.
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I would leave it up to the kids
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Depends on the kind of relationship you had with them, one of my gfs split with her partner years ago when his girls from previous relo where quite young but she was there from baby/toddler age and couldnt within herself let them go so asked their mum if she could stay in their life, the mum and her are now great friends and the girls love her to pieces and are preteens now
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After my dad and stepmom divorced we barely talked to my stepmom but it was our choice, it didnt have anything to do with the actual divorce really. We were 15 and my sister was 19 when they divorced and we just chose to keep our distance.
I’d leave it up to the kids depending on their ages. I’m an adult and my dad just married a woman in 2018. I have nothing to do with her now so if they ever divorce it’ll still be my choice to never be around her. It also depends a lot on the type of relationship you’ve had with them. If you were loving and super involved, 10/10 they’ll still want you involved in their lives.
My three step son’s from my ex bf we all stop talking they were all over there 30s. My ex husband no contact after I leave. It’s all good tho
Once your mine, you stay mine, I couldn’t imagine my step daughters not around even if my husband and I divorced.
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I lived with my mom. And my parents were separated. My dad married someone who became my stepmom and then they divorced. They had 2 kids together. My stepmom basically forgot about me and didn’t try and keep me and my brothers in touch and I would try and come visit and they were always too busy. It really hurt me. Whenever I see pictures of my brothers, I cry a lot because of how much I missed seeing then grow up and how I’m not part of their lives at all. Please for the sake of those kids, keep them in contact with each other.
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It really depends on their ages and how close you are with them. It seems at first it is easy to keep the relationship going but after awhile life gets in the way and you end up not seeing them as often
To me it would depend on how long you were married to their parent and also if the kids still
Want you in their lives
My bonus child from my ex actually lives with me!
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It depends on your relationship with the kids. My ex husband is my daughters stepfather but he’s her dad.
I have no idea, never been on the situation, so my opinion is literally just that, but I would follow the kids lead.
But I do know kids that have continued to live with the step parent. Their step dad was great to them, and their dad lived in another state. Don’t get me started on mom… 
My stepmom and dad separated last year and divorced in June, I’ve NEVER gotten along with my stepmom until they separated! She had been there for my son since I was pregnant and I didn’t want to take that from him, and we literally live across the street from her so distancing would’ve been really hard with my 3 year old playing outside. We have a great relationship now and she even threw my gender reveal for my daughter last year despite going through a separation with my dad and she’s taking us on vacation in 3 weeks❤️
Ultimately that’s a family decision though. If the ex husband and all children want stepmom involved then I think it’s a great idea! But if not then you’ll have to let it go. When my mom divorced her second husband we cut all ties immediately. Blocked his number, his work number, and all social medias because none of us wanted anything to do with him at all.
A little bit different situation, but maybe this will help.
I was with my ex for 2 years when we gained custody of his niece and nephew. I was with him for another 3 years, during which time we got engaged and started planning a wedding. In fact, we were only 2 months away from said wedding when I called it off. I had known for a long time that our relationship was not on good ground, and wanted to give counseling a try before we walked down the aisle. A year later, things had only gotten worse, despite counseling, so I ended things and I moved out.
Since then, I have kept contact with the kiddos, and still try to pick them up so we can have the day together. We go out to eat, have gone to waterparks, amusement parks, Dave and Busters, and they have come to my parent’s house to swim. My biggest thing is that I never wanted them to feel like they had any part in the breakup. Kids should never feel responsibility for the problems of the adults in their lives. I wanted to make sure they still know I love them and want to be there for them regardless of my relationship with their uncle.
Hope that helps 
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My daughter has a better relationship with her ex step mom over her dad. Stay involved. The more people to love and raise children the better they aređź’™
I still see my step sons I will always be here if they want need me 
I mean depending of a few factors did you and their father have any children together? If you did you should stay in contact so the kids grow up knowing their siblings. If there is not mutual kids involved how close are you to them? How old are they? Is their own mother involved? There is so many factors to consider but i think let the kids decide if they would still like to remain in contact with you.
My ex still calls my kids he was a part of their lives and helped another with them. He calls and checks in with each of them. They are all older now. But hey it takes a village. The more people that love and care about them the better. Is my opinion.
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It really depends on how your relationship ends up with your ex or how your relationship with the other parent of them. I’m still very involved with my bonus kids. In fact I have them right this moment. My ex (their dad) actually tells his S/Os that complaining about me is off limits because I’m still very much in his kids’ lives. I’m friends with their mother as well. My bonus kids are 11, 10 & 8 & I’ve been in their lives for 7 years & they’re very close to my 8 & 11 year olds.
This post is a good reminder of how lucky I am to have had you all these years Stacie Zenger 
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If you have a good relationship with them then continue to be there for them. Divorce of parents, step or otherwise is a lot to deal with already, so just let them know you love them and are still there for them. Never just walk away from them.
Depending on the kids and their ages I’d say let them make that choice if you stay connected
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Talk to them! Tell them that you’re not divorcing them and still want to be in their lives. Explain to their dad that you’d like to remain in their lives. Thereafter it will require effort and persistence.
I would love to keep in contact with my step son but his bio mom isn’t about that life. My ex husband does keep in contact with my kids but we also have a kid together
I have no experience with this personally but I would think an invite to a birthday party or something like that wouldn’t be too much. 
My youngest son dad raised my oldest son and they are still very close he is the only role model of a father he ever had they still hang out do family activities together is very involved in my oldest son’s life and I wouldn’t have it any other way just because our marriage didn’t last doesn’t mean it needs to affect the kids he has been an excellent father to both of my children one is his child we all get along very well
My “ex step dad” is still big part of my life. And I’m so happy for that each and every day. I would say yes
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I feel blessed my exs 1- son reached out. I will always be here for him and his family. More to love I say.
Yes you should. It’s not their fought you and their father didn’t work out.
My parents are divorced (my step mom raised me) she is still my mom!!
My husbands steps dad is still in his life. He also considers our kids his grandchildren. It’s so beautiful to see. He doesn’t have to but he chooses too.
We don’t divorce our kids
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I am divorced and still take my step son (5) everytime I take my daughter. I will be in his life as long as he wants me to be.
I’m not sure how my step mom felt about this but when her and my dad divorced I called her and told her that if she wanted us in her life or not I would understand but to know she was welcome in my life and that of my children. She had children from a previous marriage as well but me and my brothers had her only grand babies and I would not have taken that from her or them. We don’t really talk a lot but we do keep in touch by text. Depending on the age of the step children though could make a difference. The younger they are I feel the more personal they would take it if you just disappear completely. As an adult i knew it wouldn’t have been about me especially cause the divorce was not very amicable. I’m glad she’s still in my life. She had been there through some really big moments.
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It’s their choice whether they want you in their lives or not. That is not your choice to make…
Staying involved like an auntie if it works out for all involved, but a child can never have too much love or support.
I tried everything I could to stay in my step ex kids life’s. All you can do is let the kids know that you will always have a roof for them. And they can always come to you.
I have been a step-child most of my life and would be devastated to loose contact with my step-parents in the event of divorce. If you really love them stay connected!
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I think it says a lot about someone’s character if they decide to no longer be in a child’s life regardless of step,real whatever. If you’re being stopped then I can understand but that child didn’t divorce you i think it is sad for the child if they loose someone they form a relationship with and thouhht of them as family it can be very tough on everyone when you separate family.
My birth dad wasn’t around. My mom remarried that man raised me and is the father of my brothers. Are relationship had some issues a little after the divorce but also him with my brothers. But till this day I am now 31yrs old and he is still my dad and even though my mom has remarried he doesn’t even consider me his step daughter im HIS child. I think that’s how it should be you divorce spouses not children
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I got divorced and we have step kids. His children are teenagers, I leave it up to them. I still give his daughter rides to and from work as needed. I have a child who was his step son and makes zero effort to see/talk to him so there’s that. It is probably different for everyone. Good luck!
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It depends on the age of the children. If they are younger, please defer to the wishes of the custodial parent but let the parent know you would like to be part of the children’s lives. If adults, reach out to let them know you would like to be in their lives and leave it up to them whether they want to continue the relationship.
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Absolutely you were there for so many years why wouldn’t you if you didn’t Id see that as you never accepted them anyways. I know if me and my husband ever divorced he would def still be in their lives because he is the only daddy my son ever knew and my daughter’s dad passed away so she really loves this man as a step dad because he stepped in to fill a roll she had missing for so long
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Every situation is different but when my ex divorced my first thought was we can’t lose Emily.
Emily is their step mom she has stayed in our lives for the past 7 years after the divorce as a co parent she is my biggest supporter and my kids love her . Everyone is different do what makes you and the kids comfortable
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I stayed involved with them.
I wasn’t walking away from my grandkids.
At the time my x and I got along .
Also I was in my step daughter life for 35 years…
If they don’t want to bother you can’t force it .
But with respect I think anything is possible.
I’m glad I didn’t cut ties .
Be cause we just remarried after a 3 year divorce.
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I can tell you that as a child who had someone I called my dad leave my mom and leave me while he still communicated with my siblings that he had with my mom, it was extremely hurtful. If you care about them at all and your ex will allow you to stay in their lives, please do it.
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My ex has a daughter from a previous marriage. He had sole custody of her. Therefore, I raised her full time from age 2 to age 17, along with the kids we had together. To this day, she is still my daughter even though her dad and I have been divorced for 6 years. I took her to school everyday her senior year and even paid for her cap and gown. I threw her a graduation party when neither of her biological parents did. Her kids are my grandkids and she still calls me mom. I agree it depends on the age of the kids and your situation. It is different for everyone.
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I got divorced and had a 3yr old stepson. I still talk to his mom and see him here and there no where near what it was but that is because of drama with his dad in which I have protection order against
My ex husband kept the kids from me after 12 years. I was the step mom and they’re under age so 
their mom and I never got along. I feel it’s up to the kids. If everyone is fine with it, go for it! Just don’t push. Kids are smart and they understand what’s going on. My daughters sister now tells her she misses me.
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Yes! Absolutely, if possible, yes. You were in theory a huge part of their lives, and you should absolutely keep up with them should the situation present itself.
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My uncle and his wife divorced but my uncle raised her daughter since age two and she was 19 when they divorced. He still takes her to and from work, teaching her how to drive and they spent fathers day together
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If you’re able to stay in their lives, by all means do so. Especially if there is a bond. I have stayed in the lives of an ex bf. We were together for 8 yrs. His daughters still call me mom. I still count them as my children. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
My thoughts are this. The kids are not at fault here and if they want to be a part of your life please stay close to them. Divorces are always harder on children even if they were only ur step children.
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I was married to a cop for about 2 years and he had 2 children from a previous marriage. When I threw him out, he took his kids and I never saw them again except for the girl, after she was grown…I don’t have a relationship with the boy. It was a hard time. Now I’ve been married for almost 20 years and am very happy. Sometimes you just pick the wrong one…
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I think it should just naturally work itself out…alot factors in to it…age and closeness to kiddos and so on. I know my kids would absolutely want a relationship with their stepdad and I’m pretty sure that he would as well if something ever happened to us. I mean they are 16 and 18 so…
Depends on the relationship everyone has. Do the kids think of you as a parent? Then by all means yes. If not, then no. Let the child lead.
Well, I think the relationship that you had with your ex should not come between the relationship you had with you stepchildren. I don’t how long you have been in the lives, but staying away from them because of the problems with your ex I don’t think it’s right.
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My step kids do not see or speak to either of their ex step parents. But there was a lack of bond. They’ve also expressed to me that if anything were to happen to their dad they want to live with me. (Mom isn’t extremely involved and makes poor decisions. They’re 14 &15 so pretty sure a judge would let them decide based on history of this woman)
I agree, it depends on relationship with the kids. When I divorced, I got custody of our child and his oldest that lived with us at the time. She still is with me… It can be a very touchy thing to deal with. I just got lucky. Hope you do too!!!
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I got a divorce after being married 16 years. My kids that I didn’t give birth to are adults so it made it easy to continue being their mom. It was their decision whether I stayed in their lives or not. I don’t think their dad was happy about it but it wasn’t his choice. I think if the kids are younger it would be more difficult but still worth it.
When my son met his ex she had a 8 month son they had a child together in the 5 years of their relationship .He has both of them of a weekend when we went in holiday to Portugal 2 years ago he took both boys .he now in another relationship 2 little ones together plus her son from previous relationship who know best friends with the one my son never leaves out .
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Hmm depends on how long you’ve been involved? My mother and ex step father became an acknowledgeable thing when I was in first grade. Then back and forth for a long time and eventually separated for good but that man is still my step dad and a father figure for the rest of my life now. Kevin Keefe
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My current bf basically raised his wife’s kids and they are still involved and included in everything we do. They’re adults now, so it’s up to them how much they actually want to participate, but we always include everyone.
On another, younger note, a co-worker of mine is still in her ex-bf’s daughter’s life and goes thru the daughter’s mother for pick ups and drop offs. So she has nothing to do with her ex but still very regularly spends time with his daughter.
So, it can be done.
It may not always be comfortable or easy, but it can be done
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I think maybe it should be left the children to decide, although I know that really depends on the age of the children and the willingness of the adults to facilitate continued relationships.
My dad’s second marriage started when I was around 12 and they divorced when I was 26. I’m an adult and chose to continue a relationship with my step mother because she’s been a part of my life for a really long time AANNNDDD (perhaps most importantly) when they divorced it was a very amicable divorce. They don’t hate each other, they still coparent their younger shared children well. There are no hard feelings to keep us apart.
If it’s not a peaceful/amicable seperation I can see how it may be difficult for the adults to feel comfortable allowing their children to continue relationships
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That this difficult to answer as everyone has their own story and dynamics. My dad was divorced twice before he married my mother and stayed involved with his first wife’s other children but not his second wife’s. It really depends on the relationship and how their biological parent feels about the situation. He remained friends with the 1st one tried to remain friends with the 2nd one but she wasn’t receptive to it. My mom actually became friends with my dads first wife and she babysat my sister and I (my mom’s kids) when we were little.
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They were 18 and 16 when my ex and I split. I raised from 2 &3 years old. Their mom didnt want them so he had custody before I came into the picture.
Loyalty is a thing. They kept his secret of his affair and even after I paid for cap and gown and senior pictures, the oldest swore under oath he had served me divorce papers (which he did not). I was crushed, heartbroken & devastated by their actions. I have not seen or spoken to them in years. Now they are 24 & 22. I always thought if they needed me I would be there. But that door slowly closed. So it depends on the situation. Good luck.
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Yes, when I divorced my step son was old enough a pre-teen to say he wanted me in his life and I spoke with his mother and worked it out
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My " ex step mom" is still my mom!! She was married to my dad for 7 years. they had one child together she previously had four they’re all my siblings just as much as my blood my kids are her grandkids. I loved my biological mother very much she passed away when I was 19 I would be lost in this world without my other mom
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Be a good role model, and show them family is family no matter what happens… stay apart of their lives for as long as you’re alive.
My step dad adopted my sister and I when I was 2 they were married for 10 years and then divorced …he remarried and stayed in my life another 1-2 years and then dropped out and I KNOW my life would have turned out so much differently…so if you love them and are good for them don’t abandon them please!! A child can never have too many people that love and guide them to growing up and becoming a good person 