Should I stay or leave?

The guy I’m with now claims he loves me and my kids. But he’s on medication for anger and depression and he knows he’s not suppose to drink while he’s taking the medicine and I’ve asked him to stop and he won’t. He gets mad at my 3 year old who’s in the process of potty training if he has a accident on himself. He will sit there and call my 3 and almost 2 year old stupid and idiot and every time I defend my kids we get in a yelling match and 2 different times he’s put his hands on me! I told his mom who is our landlord and she’s even fussed and cussed him because she’s always asking and always worried about me and the kids. He told me my 3 year old needs therapy but I believe the problem is him and i want to do what’s best for my kids. He hasn’t kid them but he’s constantly yelling at them or calling them names. He’s the only sad figure these kids have ever had since their real dads not around. At times he’s playful and it’s like a push of a button he’s turned into a nightmare. Please no rude comments. I’m just scared of being a single mom again raising 3 babies but I know I need to do what’s right for the kids. He’s the real dad of the 3rd baby but he gets angry at the baby who’s only 4 months old when he cries. He has his good days but most days there’s arguing over something he said to the kids or how he acts towards the kids. I just need opinions if I leave am I doing the right thing?
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I would leave. You cant get mad at a baby for crying, that’s how they communicate. You cant yell at a child who’s potty training and has accidents, it’ll just cause issues with the child. & to call them names??? Oh hell no. Not okay. My dad never called me names, but he would treat me like I’m stupid if I didn’t do something right & it still effects me to this day. I can tell you all the mistakes I’ve made because of how much it embarrassed me, making me think people think I’m stupid. He needs to take his medication properly, I know there’s good days and people try to focus on the good but when you act that way with children it’s not okay… they’re little, they’re literally learning everything for the first time, they’ll have accidents and make mistakes & that’s okay but it’s not okay to belittle them for those mistakes. Plus the fact that he won’t give up drinking to take his meds properly, let alone for you and his family… that’s a red flag

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If you did what’s best for your kids you would have been gone already
Your kids come before anyone. Even a boyfriend.

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You want to do what’s best for your kids but you’re asking if you should leave or stay? I didn’t even have to finish reading. The moment you have to defend your children is your sign to bounce. no father figure is better than a bad one

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I hope you read this. I was those children with my step father who was an achololic. My mom met him when I was around your oldest age and they married when I was 6. I remember telling my grandma the night of their wedding that it was the best day because it was the first day he hadn’t yelled at me. I got called names, yelled at for everything, and it only got worse the older I got. It also eventually included physical abuse once I was old enough to start standing up for myself. Everytime it got physical we would leave, he would come to “talk” to my mom and the next day all seemed to be forgiven on their part and we would go back home with me being told I need to start keeping my mouth shut and to not egg him on. It was all my fault. They had 2 daughters together when I was 7 and 8 and I would hear all the time that if my mom didn’t like something then she could leave and take “her” daughter with her and go. I grew up hating myself, I was depressed and at times thought about ending my life because I didn’t think it would ever get any better and nobody was ever going to love me. When I started dating, I won’t say it’s totally his fault because I have the choice to make my own decisions, but I ended up for 7 years with a man just like him who treated me the exact same way. I’m with a man now who is the exact opposite and it took me so long to believe I deserved his love and kindness, sometimes I still have problems with that and I’m now 44 years old and I’ve been with my husband for 18 years. We have a 20 month old together and I would NEVER let anyone treat him the way that I was. I know you didn’t ask for my life story but I wanted you to know what the long term effects can be. They’re at the age where they’re going to remember everything. It could take them down so many bad paths. Because you’re asking this question, I know that’s not what you want for them. I beg you, please take yourself and those babies out of this situation. I know its scary but in the long run, all of you will be so much better off. My mom stayed, I watched how her life has been. The yelling and name calling wasn’t just aimed at me all those years and he never changed. He passed just this last February and she’s already done more in the last few months than she’s done for as long as I remember. I dont want that for you either. A good man is out there that will treat you and those babies the way you deserve to be. Hold out for him. I wish you all the best. If you ever need or want to talk my email is area51joni@gmail.com Take care of those babies, Mama, they’re watching and learning.

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Straight up, you should be more afraid of what he could do to you or your kids then just being a single parent. Your kids need to come first in this situation. You need to grow a pair and leave him before he does more damage to you and your kids than you’re willing to admit to yourself. If you think physically is the only damage he can do, just think about mentally. I have two kids and I have no problems calling the cops on my significant other if things get out of hand between us and I have. Why? Because as much as I love him and know he has problems, I will NOT put my kids in danger in any way shape or form. I have told my partner either get your sh** together or get out because my kids physical, mental and emotional well-being is more important than my relationship status. End of story. Your fear of being alone is stopping you from doing what’s right for you and your kids. Do the right thing.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I stay or leave?

Yeah u need to leave wtf

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GET OUT! You can do it! Not fair for u or the kids to be treated that way. Let him be alone.

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He sounds like a ticking time bomb. You need to leave, now, before he causes more damage or goes too far.

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Gtfo for your kids sake!

Leave. Every minute you stay you are risking your babies safety. I wish you the best

Get out before he hurts one of your babies

It’s not fair to you or your babies to be treated like that. Life is too short. Keep you and your kiddos safe!

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FUCK HIM. Anyone calls my baby stupid or an idiot can kick fucking rocks!!!

Leave you can do it your children and you deserve better it’ll only get worse

Leave now. Do not allow him to abuse your child anymore.calling your child a stupid idiot is abuse.thats as far as I needed to read.my heart breaks for your child .

Girl, leave him.
Kids are better off in a happy one parent he than in an unhappy two parent home.
And just because he hasn’t hit them does not mean that he not mentally and emotionally abusing them, and it sounds like he is.
Please, for mental/emotional/physical health and well being of yourself and your children, get out of that situation, ASAP.

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Maybe when they take your kids then you WILL get it HELLO LEAVE :wave::thinking:

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Get out! He is treating your kids bad! How can you stay

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Leave. You already know the answer. Protect you and your children ASAP

I didn’t even get past the first half of this post. LEAVE. Why would you put your babies in danger? You know the answer to your question.

Regardless if he is the father or not. Safety is number 1.
I know it’s hard feeling like you can’t do this on your own but trust me you will be way better off mentally and physically in the long run. Don’t make the kids suffer

I couldn’t even finish reading after you said he put hands on you. You seriously have to come on here and ask to stay or leave… he insulted your children he don’t give a shit about them! He’s a pos and so are you if you leave those babies there in that mess

I think she’s the dumb one to be even asking this question. WTF lady those are your kids and for you to even have to question it. Some ppl are dumber then a box of nail. Should I stay or leave??? Are you serious. Don’t be pissed I just have the balls to tell you that. I can’t believe some of the question ppl ask on Facebook. :peace_symbol::green_heart::woman_facepalming:t4:

Ya no way I’d let anyone call my kid names especially a toddler. You need to leave. His verbal abuse will turn physical to the kids especially if he’s already physically abusing you. Think of it this way too, do you want your children to grow up thinking that’s how you treat women?

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I’m sorry but I’d leave and I never say that. But I’d rather be a single mom esp if it’s best for my kids. If a man yells at my kids and calls them names for fun because he is mad I would’ve left that day.

Anyone treating your child like that is a huge red flag…go now!

He’s abusing your kids, you’re allowing the abuse by staying there. Leave! You shouldn’t have to explain to an adult that it’s wrong they should know!

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Leave now and never let him trick you into coming back! NEVER

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Leave, there’s red flags all over. To many horror stories about babies getting killed because the mom couldnt Leave or didn’t want too.

It’s better to be a single mother with all of your babies. Then to have something really bad happen where he snaps and kills them for going potty in their pants or shakes the baby to death to keep the baby quiet.

You see all the red flags, your kids are more important than staying with someone like that.

You and the kidswere can do better. Kids don’t need to be treated like that and neither do you.He laid his hands on you ,not right will get worse as time goes on and you just accept his treatment. No More chances.

Why is this even a question?! Get tf out now!

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You haven’t already left ?

Check on a Woman’s shelter or a church pastor for help immediately and make arrangements to leave. You can do it.

You know darn well what to do but you are making excuses. Get out NOW.

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For the safety of you and your children leave you will be just fine

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He’s self medicating and it will only get worse. Leave while you can, and before something happens.

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Uhhh, is this even a legit question??? If you need to ask this question then you need to get help yourself… Why would anyone want to stay when their children are being treated badly…:broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart:

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LEAVE like yesterday!!!

Leave your kids do not deserve that period !

Leave. No question about it. Your kids come first. It’s gonna get worse if you don’t.

Your three year old WILL need counseling if you stay

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Eventually he will hit the kids he may have already when your not there plz my niece’s baby daddy killed their 7 week old baby amd I am sure is because he didn’t have the patience for her…my niece was asleep he told her he would take care of her so she could sleep and broke 7 ribs and punctured her lung left her laying there for 3 hours before he decided to rush her to the hospital to tell them he swaddling her to hard.

do right by your children. and do yourself a favor and get out of there. he is setting the example of how to treat you. and it’s not a good one.

What bullshit is this, He does not love you despite his claims. He put his hands on you? He will put his hands on your kids as well. And continuing to drink while he is on medication and you asking him to stop… act now, get rid of that man.

Why are you on Facebook even asking this question? You should’ve already been gone

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Nope huh bye , kids are always #1 never choose over them

If you don’t leave then you are not putting what is best for your kids as your number one priority. Kids first. You can always find a way. There are lots of places to help. You need to enlist emotional support from family, church, friends.

Leaving is the best thing.

He calls your toddlers stupid…

Best thing you can do is to separate from him as hard as it will be. Lost my sister to someone like that.

I didn’t even read the entire complaint. LEAVE NOW.

Absolutely time to go. It’s not going to get better and it’s not safe for you or your children. The fact that his mom is concerned about you speaks volumes

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You are doing the right thing for your kids sake they aren’t to blame for your situation

Pause…. As soon as you said he gets mad at your 3 year old and calls him names… that right there should tell you he’s no good… get rid of that clown.

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Ugh, why the fuck are you even asking us? Defend your kids! Always have there backs and get them the hell out of this situation… eventually your kids will need therapy if you keep them around him!

Why would you even question staying? Your job as a Mom is to protect your children. Run Mama Run!

Run run fast and don’t look back

You already know the answer. Kids come first. Even if it makes things more difficult on you. You have to do what’s best.

You know those really sad news articles where the Mom’s boyfriend harms/k*lls her toddler for eating a piece of cake, or peeing their pants etc? Or the videos on the news where you see the mother crying because the baby’s father crushed the baby for crying? That’s gonna be your kids one day soon if you don’t leave. I know it’s hard to leave, but I literally have cPTSD from emotional abuse from my parents. What he’s doing is already damaging your children, and if you don’t leave soon, the damage may be permanent. Also, he’s already showing anger towards them. It’s a matter of time before he hurts them. Reach out to the domestic abuse hotline, a local church, family, anyone. I know leaving isn’t instantaneous, or easy, but you need to get out as soon as possible.

Run your children first he’s getting mad at an infant.
Imagine if he has a bad day and one of your children or you really see him off please take your kids and get to safe I’ll keep you in your children in my prayers RUN!!!

Leave, before he hurts you or one of the kids. This is something you shouldn’t even have to ask. What you raise your kids in will be what they think his normal. Get out and give your kids a fighting chance to a decent life

Please don’t put your kids through the trauma of this abuse any longer. They or you don’t deserve to live like this.

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I left my very abusive husband when I had 2 year old and a 1 year old.

You got to leave him other wise you will end up having them be abusive just like him. Is that what you want? Do you want them to be abused. If he’s this bad now he’ll get worse.

If your out in public someone sees something and reports it and you will get your kids taken away that can happen too. Then they’ll put in foster care because you didn’t take care of them in the first place.

Or the kids go to school and say something and the CPS worker shows up. Its just better that you take the kids out of the abusive situation now. Your there protector and the only one they have.

If he has depression that bad he’s capable of doing bad things in his state and you definitely need to get away from that. If you feel you can’t afford it you can go to the welfare office and let them know you have 3 kids and your living in a abusive situation and see ifthey can help you.

Run away as fast as you can otherwise you’re showing your kids this is acceptable behavior in a relationship. If you wouldn’t be okay with them having a partner like that then you shouldn’t accept it either.

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It’s not going to get better… It’s much easier to raise children when away from abuse.

You need to leave. It may just be yelling at the kids now but eventually it will turn and it could turn for the worse. My sister was in a similar situation but it escalated and the man she was with flipped one day and beat my 2 year old nephew to death. You are their mother and it is up to you to keep them safe. My sister didn’t protect her kids and now she’s paying the price. She also got arrested along with the man and she’s in prison for 3-15 years and because she didn’t protect them she will never see her other kids again and she has to register as a offender if and when she gets out. If he ends up hurting those kids and you don’t get out now then you could end up in the same situation. You NEED to get out and get out now. I don’t wish the pain my family has gone thru on anyone. I know it will be hard being a single parent but keeping you and your children safe should be your number 1 priority. You shouldn’t have to even ask the question you should already know the answer to.

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Good God, leave! Run! I’ll be damned if I let a man yell at my child and call him an idiot.

Look I don’t like to be that person, because I have no idea what your going through, but I stopped reading after the first few sentences, I will go back and read the rest and I’m sorry if this is going to be blunt, but wtf are you even doing with a man who treats and yells at your children like that?! Had anger issues and is on meds for them and is still drinking on them anyways?!?! There are RED FLAGS all over the first few sentences…you need to run far far away and never look back!

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So you’re letting this guy ruin your kids???!!!

It’s gross that you haven’t left yet

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For your kids mental health I’d say leave and never turn back he’s garbage

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Get rid of him!! He’s trouble!!!

Don’t make excuses for this POS! Leave him! Or kick him out and get a restraining order. No man should put his hands on you! Your children come first! The good days will soon get worse and worse and believe me when I say it’s not WORTH IT!

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If you stay, you are part of the problem also. Don’t do your kids like that it’s not worth it.

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Girl please. This shouldn’t even be a question. You’re letting a man who isn’t even their father, do all this. Children come first, I’d be out the first time

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Girl, run and don’t look back

And you ask you all ready know

Get out now before it’s you or your kids body they are trying to find….if you want to do what’s best for your kids you would have left already

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Leave & get child support and court-supervised visits only. He is already abusing you and your children and damaging all of you. If someone calls Child Protective Services you could have your children taken away for not protecting them from abuse. There are programs to help you as a single mom. Expand your “village” of people who can help you through neighbors, friends, people at your religious institution, people at your work if you work outside the home. And get on reliable birth control (maybe two methods) if you are going to be sexually active.

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You and especially your children deserve peace … Life is not to be lived in chaos you and your children will prosper, boss up baby girl :muscle:

Your kids are counting on you to stand up for them … your their world mama… you need to get out of that house … I know your scared of the unknown , but I promise you , you those kids and you don’t deserve that …: and you should put them first mama :heart:

Let me put this simply for you. YOUR OWN CHILDREN COME BEFORE ANY MAN. Especially one that treats them terribly. All the things you have said are what I read about before the death of a child by some random cruel boyfriend/girlfriend in a persons life. Don’t risk your children’s lives, be smarter than that. Abuse is abuse and it DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER.

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Run! If his mother is worried about you listen to her she knows her child… so save yours.

Leave. Your kids are watching and learning how to act and treat people from him or learning to tolerate being disrespected from you

So someone is verbally abusing your children, and you’re questioning whether you should leave or not???

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You shoulda know the answer to this question about half way through tying this out. No relationship is worth your self respect and that of your children.

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Leave…you need to leave bc this will escalate into more abusive measures

Girl, for the sake of your kids, you should of been out of there a loooong time ago. Poor babies. :slightly_frowning_face:

Be gone ASAP. You should have left yesterday!!! They depend on you and you should NEVER allow them to be mistreated. Since you are aware that he is verbally abusing them, you are condoning this behavior by staying. #justgetout

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Leave. Now. Your kids and yourself deserve so much better. It will only get worse the longer you allow it to continue. I’ve been there before it took me TOO LONG to leave. Please protect your kids and yourself. None of you deserve this.

Leave. Not only are you tolerating behavior that is inexcusable, you’re slowly teaching those poor babes that it’s okay to let people treat them thay way, and or to do that to other people.
Do you really want your babes growing up thinking that is love?

By the age of 5/6 most kids develop a strong self worth, and as you’ve described from what happens they’re not going to.

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Run. Run fast. The fact that you need to ask a bunch of strangers is bizarre. Also please be careful in the future about men around your kids!! I can’t stand telling women what to do reproductively but girl you should shut the baby factory down until you get some clarity.

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Yes, you need to leave now!! Pack up and leave NOW!!

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Yes leave… what he is doing to ur children is abuse… dont let their childhood be where they are abused and put down… get out of that relationship…

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Leave, your kids need to come first.

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It sounds like you aren’t capable of keeping your children safe because you’re more concerned with having a man around. Even at the cost of your children’s well being. You need to get out now. ASAP! Go to your family or friends and ask for help and a place to stay. Go to a women’s shelter. Whatever you have to do. Even if he never puts his hands on those kids he’s still emotionally/mentally abusing them. This shouldn’t even be a question, get out now!

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You’ve gotta ask yourself, would I rather be single and have happy kids and the satisfaction of knowing that I don’t need a man to validate me or do I wanna be in a relationship with a narcissist just so I don’t feel alone. Your kids may grow up to resent you for it, it may cause them PTSD, and he seems unpredictable so do you really wanna risk finding out if he will put his hands on your kids…or worse! I’ve been in this situation…only took me 3 months to get the hell out. My “push come to shove” is when he was leaving to get a shotgun so he could come back and kill us. He was perfect in every way until we moved in together. He quickly became Satan, as I refer to him.

Is this even a question?

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