Should I stop the FaceTimes between my daughter and her bio dad? Myself and my daughter live 4 hours away from her bio-dad although I have offered many times to meet at a halfway spot for him he typically refuses his weekends because he has “plans”. Typically though about every other night he does ask to FaceTime her, tonight on cue he did. She was reluctant because she had tried to call the night before and he didn’t answer but I told her he had just messaged me and I was sure he would answer so she obliged. Now usually she will go in her room to talk to him, but Wednesdays my fiancé plays music with his friends and it’s our ‘girls only night’ so she took the call in the living room with me, and unfortunately I heard the following. He called her stupid, annoying, a dummy twice, yelled at her because she had a sucker while talking to him and to quote “when I take time out of my day to talk to you, you need to show respect and focus all attention on me”. I bit my tongue through all of this even when she asked if she could just talk to him tomorrow because ahe wanted to finish her snack (sucker) and he tried to guilt her saying yea I guess since I’m your father and you want nothing to do with me she being the carefree SIX year old she is said ok but I love you daddy bye. As a mom I feel stuck and helpless, I don’t want her to not speak to her dad but I don’t want her thinking it’s ok to be called stupid and a dummy, let alone be yelled at for something as silly as having a sucker or feel guilty for not doing anything wrong. Advice please
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I stop contact with my daughter and her dad?
He’s being abusive… Keep a record and find a way to end it
I would not tolerate that! That’s absolutely terrible to anyone, let alone a 6 year old. I also have a 6 year old and if my ex treated him like that I would cut ties immediately. They are so heavily influenced by that type of negativity at that age. It’s not worth it
What a jerk!! Block him asap!
You should record these calls and when you have three or so, show them to the folx at CPS.
Wow what a prick!!! Hes toxic. Just slowly stop keeping in touch
Nope don’t answer the phone that is just mean and when he ask tell him that name calling is not ok
How u bit your tongue astonishes me. He sounds like a toxic piece. I’d have to chat w him and allow him one time to change his bullsh*t. That’s absolutely not ok.
Fuck that. I’d have hung up the call immediately.
I would let them talk a few more times and record the conversation with another phone. Then cut the facetimes out and go back to court if need be. But you will need proof of the way he talks to her.
That emotional abuse will ear at her selfworth until she ends up in her own abusive relationship because her dad treated her like dirt. He needs a parent class or supervision of visits and conversations until he can show your daughter the respect he wants from her.
I would have ended the call as soon as he called her a name, or stupid or anything else. Period.
I would not put up with that at all
That would be the last phone call
Thats emotional neglect/abuse cut ties
Tell him about himself. That’s abuse…
I would bite your tongue but I would also definitely record these. And if she doesn’t feel like talking that night I would just let him know. He’s not a stable person in her life so of course she’s going to lose interest as she grows older 
Have a talk with him, that kind of talk isn’t acceptable
Abuse…it needs to stop. You should record it for future reference.
So thats called abuse. She is only six. I would suggest to find a way to cut him out of you alls lives.
I’d tell him until he learns how to talk to a child there will be no communication and wen there is make sure your in the room and wen he starts talking like that take the phone and explain to your daughter that her dad should not be calling her mean names
Me personally I would’ve snatched that phone so quick and read his ass the way he needs … for future you be right there during these calls and the minute he handle her crazy you hang up … first you explain to him where he got y’all f’d up and set your boundaries… you also have a talk with her and explain how no one is to disrespect her no matter who it is and when she see you stand up for her if he missteps she’ll understand exactly why you hung up on that ass… and if he missteps twice he had officially lost his privileges until he get some damn sense… sorry for the rant
That’s a form of abuse. Your poor child 
it’s exactly how my ex spoke to our son… He’s only 6months old
Legit when he started calling her names you should have stepped in
That’s vile 
yeah, I’d stop it x
You need to record a call like that and take that to court end of story if you allow a man to treat your daughter that way she will grow up thinking it’s okay
I think this is a conversation u need to have with her father. U giys should be talking these things out and coparenting together.
My advice - you f*cked up! I don’t care if that man is responsible for creating her life with me, NOBODY is gonna talk to my child like that. NOBODY! I would have said “okay baby, give mommy the phone so I can talk to daddy for a minute” walked out of the room and told him about himself! She is six. She doesn’t understand yet, but she will. He obviously doesn’t care to see her/talk to her or he would make the drive for pick ups/ drop offs and he would answer the phone, or at the very least, call her back when he sees that he has a missed call. I’d tell him that he doesn’t need to “take any more time out of his day” to talk to the child that he created but doesn’t see and that he can kick rocks!
end the calls. Tell him why. make sure she knows it’s not ok to be spoken to that way by anyone.
The way he talked to her is emotional abuse and that is not ok… I would stop the calls and wouldn’t encourage meeting him half way for visits then she is at his mercy to take abuse the whole weekend.
Let him know that name calling will not be tolerated before she grows up and thinks its ok to be talked too this way by men cuz her dad does it to her… tell him it’s unacceptable
My ex was a narcissist who did that as well to our daughter. She tried to deal with it because he was her dad but when she was in her 20s she decided she wouldn’t put up with it anymore and cut off all contact when he wouldn’t even acknowledge that he was wrong, in his opinion it was all her fault 
I would go the fuck off on him. You need to teach her that is unacceptable. She needs to know what dad is saying is not ok, because she will internalize that. Ultimately though I’d ask her opinion on not talking to him, because you don’t want to hurt her more. At least that way even if you take contact away she will at least have been able to voice her opinion, because for her this is a pretty powerless situation.
You can take him to court and put it in the court order that he isn’t allowed to name call though. That might be worth looking into first, at least then you can say you gave him a fighting chance. He doesn’t sound like the type you can reason with so I don’t even think you should bother trying. Tell him stop or we go to court.
I don’t want to judge because I wasn’t there but I would have hung up after the first insult and explained to him that your daughter will not be spoken to like that. When we had mandatory Skype calls it was in the order if he was being abusive we could hang up. He was 99% of the time.
Mad respect for you for not getting in between, I couldn’t have done it. Don’t ever let him speak to her like that, he poisoning her mind and it can play big part on her self esteem as well as how she sees herself. I would suggest to keep everything by writing so you have evidence of anything that he said and you said in case he decides to take you to court. But please do get involved don’t brush it off, and have a talk with your daughter . If you do stop the “FaceTime “ speak to her about it first. When I had to stop my daughters visits to her father , I set down and told her “ I feel like right now is not a really good time for you to keep going to his house because of X, Y and Z, I think we should take a break BUT if you feel differently and want to go there I will support you , this is your decision “
Well he done lost his phone privileges… until he can talk like a sane responsible adult he would not be talking to my child that way.
Wot? I would have stepped in & cut that call off. Then called him back to explain that he is NOT to talk to her like that ever again. Stand up for your daughter because she’s too small to understand & push back on emotional abuse.
You better check his punk ass….that’s your job. You don’t sit quietly and allow ANYONE to speak down on your baby. She’s a baby….she is so impressionable….bite your tongue? Wtf? Seriously? Omfg
- I wouldnt take away the visits yet, but i would sit in on every single one of them.
- Talk to them
- Record them
OH HELL NO!!! Next time, she needs to stay in the living room, and he starts talking like that, take the phone and say something. That is abuse, and you have every right to restrict communication. Take it to court if you must, but start documenting these instances…
Take it to court and have her talk to a therapist to verify this is detrimental to her per court terms. Also record the calls.
Um no ma’am, my child would be cut off all contact with that asshole that’s verbal & emotional abuse! I would cut him off completely. Period. No child should suffer abuse from any parent but especially from a basically absent parent.
I would write him a message so it’s documented. Telling him the above is uncalled for and if this abuse continues the phone calls will end. I would fill out the court forms and contact your attorney if you have one. You need to stop it its your job to protect her
You should only allow her to talk to him on the phone while you’re present in the room, record how the conversations go. That is abuse and if it continues you need to have proof of it. I’m so sorry she’s going through that. 
Yes, stop the FaceTiming if he’s going to speak to her like that. He is being emotionally abusive and manipulative. If he can’t speak to her with respect then he doesn’t deserve to speak to her at all.
He is trash take him to court again… like wtf…
Record the next call
Supervised calls and you end them as soon as he tries to start up again. It should have been ended when you first noticed.
Tell him you won’t tolerate that language directed towards your daughter
Nope as soon as he started the verbal
Abuse that would be the end of the phone call and it would be documented.
Nope that’s abuse and I’d be done with it myself.
OMG I would have said hunny go in your room I need to talk to your dad. Me and his face timing ass would have had a Hell of a conversation and it wouldn’t be good. Do not allow him to talk to her that way. He should be making the call about her not himself. What a piece of shit. He doesn’t deserve one minute with her and she shouldn’t have to hear it.
Jesus don’t let him abuse her like that any longer. If you have a formal visitation ruling look at changing the terms. Thank goddess he doesn’t take her for visits. What a horrible person. Hugs to you both. Protect her
Oh hell no! Why are you even asking advice? This is your 6 yr old daughter! You gonna let him talk to her, really? Something wrong with you.? She has 2 screwed up parents!!!
If he talks to her like that, he doesn’t deserve ANY facetime!
Emotional abuse is abuse and I know it’s hard to get the courts to see it. Definable document it. But your daughter is some therapy to help process this abuse and so she can gain skills to give her confidence and stick up for herself. Until then you need to put your foot down and tell them that behavior will not be tolerated. Record them from now on and I would now be the one to be in the room during their visits supervising and step in if he becomes abusive. Can you imagine what he’s like in person! OMG it scares me the kind of mental abuse and possible physical abuse he could do. I wouldn’t take away the visits or calls until he has a clear understanding and warning at what he’s doing wrong. Hopefully he can see his wrongs and really correct them. But he may need some supervised visits and parenting classes that he most likely won’t do until you report him.
Tell him FaceTime will be changed to zoom so they can be recorded.
You are her mother, it’s your responsibility to protect her from anyone, including her own father. *uck that. He doesn’t deserve her
Definitely stop the calls. Or at least keep them supervised and make sure he knows that it is not ok for him to speak to her that way. If it continues, the calls will stop. Keep a log and proof that he has been giving up his time and you can take it to court to get it taken away since he isn’t using it. If he said that knowing you were in the room, I can’t even imagine what is being said behind closed doors. That little girl deserves better from her father. Prayers for you!
Cut contact with him immediately. That is verbal abuse. I will say it twice. That is VERABL ABUSE. If you decide to give him another chance then you need to be present and record any interactions between them in case you need it for court or anything like that. If he doesn’t stop just cut contact. Have you actually asked your daughter if she really wants to talk to her dad or is she just doing what she thinks will make him happy because she is trying to get some kind of positive reaction from him? Don’t let anybody talk to you or especially your daughter like that. I have a real issue with the fact that you sat there for however long that call took while he degraded your daughter and verbally abused her and you did nothing. Do something now
Did you ask her if he usually talks to her like that? She seemed unfazed by it, which makes me think it’s not the first or only time. After the first insult, I would have snatched that thing up and had a talk with him about what I’d heard. He does NOT get to speak to his child that way, period. You need to have a come to Jesus about how you heard him speaking to her and that it is unacceptable. I would also never let him talk to her without your presence for a very long time, if ever again, tbh. And I would record every conversation from there on out too.
Record the calls. Use them to your advantage and cut him tf off. When she’s older, and asks questions you can explain why. He’s abusive, and that’s never okay. If she is supposed to accept that from her daddy, what do you think she will accept from other men when she’s older?? No ma’am, were raising queen’s around here, that don’t take shit from ANYONE.
She isn’t even my child and this makes me angry!! 
So don’t talk badly of him. Have her tell you when she wants to facetime. Flat out tell him she will call him when she hs time
You’re better than me apparently because I would probably have snapped as soon as I heard him calling her stupid. That’s not right at all & the way you tell it it’s not even like he said it in a playful way at all. I think you should get in contact with him & tell him you heard the whole conversation & that he should know better than to talk/ disrespect his daughter the way he did. She will end up with Daddy issues if this continues. She will most likely end up with a piece of S**t like him looking for love an approval from a man in all the wrong places thinking if my dad calls me names & treat’s me like this than I must deserve it & that this crap is normal smh & the remark he made about how he took time out of his day to only FaceTime her…smh Wow just wow. I really feel for the 2 of you. It’s just a messed up situation & I’m afraid there’s not much you’ll be able to do to change it.
You FaceTime that no good dad and inform him your daughter o longer going to be ALLOWED to face time with him. PERIOD.
Keep everything documented and cut all contact with him and take him back to court and show that he is mentally and verbally abusive toward her
Much like a lot of the other have already said I would supervise the conversations and there second he starts that crap I would end it, explain to him that you won’t allow your child to be spoken to in such a toxic and damaging way, keep your cool and be very aware of your daughter as the audience but you are exactly right for wanting to end the FaceTime calls. That’s abuse and any judge would be completely against that kind of behavior
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One word 
RECORD!!! You nor your daughter need that type of negative energy in your lives and the courts will agree it’s not like he’s actually physically involved in your daughters life and FaceTime is not physically present!
Record the convo next time. Send it to him and warn him if it continues you will not force her to talk to him again
Why is this even a question !!! … that is emotional abuse and to be honest I don’t know why you as her mother and her protector sat and ‘ bit your tongue ‘ and allowed for him to emotionally abuse her over the phone . Calling a 6 year old stupid …and annoying putting her down etc … and you allowed that call to continue ??? I’m actually shocked … she’s a child … she will grow up to feel like she’s stupid and annoying because that’s what’s being drummed into her head !! … god knows what else is being said to her when your not there .
For this to even be a question … I worry for your daughter I really do .
I wouldn’t put an end to them, but if she doesn’t want to talk to him, I wouldn’t make her. Going forward, you should be present for their conversations. If he starts with his antics, end the call. I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t like being spoken to that way, so why does he think it’s ok to speak to a child like that? He sounds narcissistic. Calls her names, belittles her, then tries to guilt trip her? Classic narcissism. It’s probably for the best that he doesn’t take her for visits. He probably tells people that you won’t let her go and that he facetimes her because he misses her so much. Again, probably trying to set himself up to be the victim in all of it.
I wouldn’t have bitten my tongue. He would have been cussed out, you don’t talk to your child like that.
You should have stopped biting your to tongue the moment that creature called his 6 year old child a derogatory name, yes you should stop his feeble attempt at contact
A narcissistic parent will do more damage than an absent parent.
That’s very abusive and what you do is let her call when she asked if he don’t answer she will call less let her know when he speaks too her that way she has the right too hang up and if he talks too her like that he glad he not showing up too take her I did the same with mine and their relationship was in her hands that’s her Dad she has the right too see and know the truth He will have too answer for it one day not you and you do need too be present when the calls are made
I would tell him if you got to call and talk to a six year old like that DO NOT FACE TIME HER CALL HER . For her to show him respect he has got to talk to her like a Dad .
I guess it’s a good thing he doesn’t get her for visitations. I would record a few conversations. Keep them incase he pushes for visits when you tell him not to call her anymore.
I’d say keep up with the he FaceTime yet serve as a supervisor and let him know privately you overheard the last conversation where he was rudely demeaning her therefore if he is to continue having FaceTime visits with her then it’ll be through recorded and supervised with you sitting in the same room where you can hear everything. I would NOT let him have visitation with him now at his home after that. It’ll only scar her worse. If anything, I’d record every single FaceTime they have and have yourself prepared to take those recordings to court if he gives you any more grief. Sometimes even though we may not want them to not have visits with their non custodial parent, sometimes…it’s for the best…that they do. Otherwise you’re gonna have one girl messed up emotionally. This world is already tough enough as it is. My ex was into drugs and I moved out of town to spare my children of his dealings. I do not regret it for a second. They still had “Daddy issues” even though we stayed in the same state where he could come see them any time he wanted, yet chose not too. No matter what, we lose. It’s not fair either because the kids always pay the biggest price
He’s toxic af. I’d be recording everything and using it as means for no contact.
I’ll tell you this, I wouldn’t have bitten my tongue if I heard anyone saying those things to my kid
There’s always 2 sides to a story
Oh nah you need to get away from this mindset iI want her to have a relationship with her father A man who doesn’t even visit, A man who lies, A man who probably doesn’t give any financial help, A man who abuses her with his mouth, A man who doesn’t keep his word thats the kind of man you want your daughter to have a relationship with? Any man can be a father takes a real man to be a dad and sorry to say that he is not …
Don’t ever bite your tongue when your child is being treated like that and yes monitor every call and tell him do not ever do that again ….record if necessary
Verbal abuse, especially at that age is abuse that will live with that child forever.
Supervise all calls and the second he says something disgusting like that, hang up. He sounds like a narcissist douchebag. Document everything.
That’s abuse
And needs to stop Now
Talk to him about it and make sure your around when he calls because there’s no reason why he should talk down on her like that
I’d stop it. Never let someone speak to your child like that. Until he can do better, he doesn’t deserve to talk to her
Warn first and if he persists then discontinue. This is abuse and wii affect her down the road
Unless these phone calls are court ordered I would stop them immediately! That is verbal abuse! NO reason to talk to a 6 yr old that way!
If it’s court ordered. Document everything. Do not initiate anything and let him do or don’t do visitation. The kid will learn the truth. Don’t push the situation. And don’t say “daddy loves you” if daddy loved her he would find the time. Document everything. No shows. No contacts etc.
Don’t ask us ask the courts.
She’s 6?!? I thought she was a teenager, not that it makes a difference. I grew up being told I was fat, and living in a dream world and so many other things not appropriate to put into this post. I’m 55 and still struggling with self worth and self esteem. The man is toxic and will crush your daughters soul. I know from experience. If I hadn’t met the most amazing guy at 15 I wouldn’t be here now. I was in self destruct mode when I met him. To this day my amazing best friend/husband is fixing the damage done by negativity in my youth. Don’t push the relationship and certainly don’t leave her alone with him. He needs to fix what he’s going through that’s making him so hateful before he is in her life more often
Uhm. You’re better than me because I would have owned his ass then and there.
I don’t think you should cut off contact…
I believe as long as children are not adults…parents should have to live closer to their kids…she is six and needs to feel loved by both parents…spending time with each one is essential
That is what we call verbal abuse. You don’t have to ‘bite your tongue’ if someone is verbally abusive to you or your child. I would have stepped in the moment he called her stupid or dumb or whatever…I don’t care WHO YOU ARE. Bio dad, grandma, uncle, second cousin twice removed, you will show basic respect to my child or you will not be speaking, NOT AT ALL. It’s non negotiable. So I would tell him that from now on all calls are to be supervised(and recorded if you have to tell him. If you live in a one party consent state, only one person has to know you are being recorded and that person can be you.) And the call will be IMMEDIATELY terminated if he can’t speak to our child with respect. And choose to use name calling or degrading language. If he refuses to those terms, cool. That makes your life easier. You offered a call (on your terms) and he refused. So he gets no call. If he wants to square off with you, fine. Tell him he can have you served, until then…BYEEEEE
Something is wrong with him. He needs to learn how to his child or any other child. She’s a human being, but you need to talk to him and tell him , you heard how he talked to her. If he don’t have quality time to spend with her or parenting love or skills to talk to her with some sense, then he wouldn’t be talking to her.
Prayers that all gets better for you both.
Youre a better person than me. Id have driven that 4 hours and be hammering on his door telling him to stop abusing his child or id be reporting him to the police. How dare he
If she wants to face time him again make sure its supervised. Record the conversation and the first sign of verbal abuse…take over the call and tell him he’s being inappropriate and you will be taking this to court for full custody with only supervised calls allowed in future.
Shes only 6yo for goodness sake. Atm it may not seems to be affecting her but ill guarantee she’ll remember and it will affect her future with men
I HAVE NEVER CALLED MY 4 YEAR OLD STUPID, DUMMY, OR ANY OTHER DEROGATORY NAME. All contact needs to be supervised IMMEDIATELY from this second on. He should NOT have unsupervised visits with her at all and I would hope to God that the legal system is involved and you are recording all of these calls. Document Everything!