What kids see going on at home is what they could possibly learn to tolerate or normalize in the future. Do all that you can to keep them from spending too much time there while this is happening
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This is such a shitty thing to go through… I don’t really have any advice, besides to keep your loving heart open, in the event that the girlfriend need to get out… she might feel like she has no way out, and no where to go… just let her know you support her, and love her! And I would bring it up to the Dad, cuz your children are the reason you are aware of this, which means they very well could go talking about it at like school or somewhere like that… then sometimes doors get opened we didn’t want opened… so I definitely would NOT keep this to yourself… best of luck, and so so much love to you, and the kids and the girlfriend… with the awful situation you guys are now involved in!!!
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Don’t let your kids go over to their dads anymore. What they are seeing is abuse. He is teaching them both abuse is ok! Go to court and get full custody. Get your son into therapy too. Reach out to the girlfriend as well.
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Sorry but if that is going on the children do not need to go visit w him. He needs supervised visitation and counseling. he is abusing her and them. You need to talk to your attorney and get a temporary emergency order. Also, his gf is a grown woman and you honestly don’t need to get wrapped up in the drama w her and your ex. Get the kids out of there and into counseling as well.
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I would def talk to the woman And let HER KNOW that YOUR CHILDREN came to YOU out of concern of THEIR father’s relationship with HER …express to her the concern the affect it has on YOUR KIDS …yet again …only with another woman…
Maybe YOUR experience with the X …will open her eyes as to what YOU went through and realize why you left in the first place …
I wouldn’t have the kids go to their dad with it …as he may retaliate towards them …
In the long run …
You’ll be doing EVERYONE a favor …
Except him …
He needs to get some therapy and realize treating women like shit in UNACCEPTABLE
The hardest piece of professional advice I had to swallow was “you cant protect your babies from all the horrible people in the world. All you can do is show them how to deal with it.” That means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. You’ve showed them what you would do… now help them determine how they need to handle it.
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Talk 2 her. Being that ur kids are involved
I would try to reach out to the dhs/cps and see about getting a temporary full custody order drawn up immediately. That is domestic violence and I can see you getting full custody easily. You have to protect your babies and that’s how you do it. You don’t need to talk to her unless she comes to you. Trauma bonded is a thing and she might not see the abuse for what it is.
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Yes
Yes yes
Absolutely
Save her or at least try !
Also get your kids out of that abusive environment AGAIN . Or they will think that is ok for men to do .
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I’m not close with my ex’s new girlfriend but I’ve been afraid of the exact same thing. From what she did tell me, he hasn’t changed AT ALL from how he was with me and I know once they live together, my kids are going to witness the same verbal/mental abuse I experienced with him. The major reason why I left, to protect them from that.
I have NO idea what to tell you other than always letting your kids know that that is NOT okay behavior and to show them how strong and brave and smart you were to make sure that didn’t continue in your household.
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Girls only a matter of time until your children get a big enough attitude until he pops them in the mouth
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If you coparent well with her then you can talk to her and share your concerns. Even if they break up she can still be a part of your kids lives.
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Well Counseling won’t document much just because they won’t be able to talk about anything your baby says with in the room with anyone else!! Also that is flat out abuse and child neglect
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ummmm, if the children are saying that to you, you need to be the bigger woman, and either get full custody or stop allowing them to go over there with him doing that.
you need to tell her - that why you left him - and that the children will no longer be coming over until hes in counseling and anger management courses.
just like an addict/alcoholic has to go and jump through hoops, so should he.
dont fail your children.
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Not a great dad if he’s doing this in front of his children. He’ll never change, talk to the gf.
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Had I listened to my EX stepsons mom I wouldn’t have wasted 18 yrs with my abusive EX husband. Im thankful for my son but I have full custody because I didn’t want my son around that controlling abusive person! He’s NOT being a good dad! He’s showing your son that’s how you treat a woman and he’s showing your daughter that’s what woman deserve. Get them away from him. If you don’t have a court order that says they have to go then don’t let them go. File for emergency custody if needed. Request anger management and parenting classes. Request therapy before he can get visitation again. Protect your children!
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If hes a bad partner and abusing the mother of his child…he IS NOT A GREAT DAD. Quit telling yourselves that ladies…
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I DK what to tell you,If she’s like most verbally abused women she’s going to get mad at you and take up for her boyfriend
Be a good friend tell her to get out. Protect your kids but dont cut the ex out if she loves and involved she can still be even if she not with your ex. Abusive is a learned behavior make him do couseling to learn a new way to express anger
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Shoulda told the courts he abusive. Ya know… YOU can self document what your children tell you in a notebook that MUST include dates, times (if possible) & what happened… Believe it or not they’ll go a long way in court. Another good idea is document what his new gf is telling you (through text if possible) so you have proof that coincides with what your children are telling you…
OR your children will either ACT the same way he does or ACCEPT that kind of treatment when they’re older. That is a FACT darlin. Good luck.
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Go to court file for emergency custody and protection orders I agree the kids need counseling however you can not use what they say in court because it’s confidential even though they are minors also contact children’s services
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This is such a double edge sword. You get too involved and he may make her cut you off and hurt her worse. I’ve been there done that… You have to be extremely careful if you talk to her. there is no excuse for HIS crappy behavior, it sounds to me like he needs some kind of mental help. And it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get the kids in therapy for awhile to help with the trauma of him being that way.
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She sounds like she loves you an your children. So I would say talk to her. If she loves them she won’t be offended. She’ll wanna protect them too. Bring it up. If she doesn’t wanna speak about it respect that and just be there for her
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Be careful, a counselor is a mandated reporter and if CFS gets involved they may take the kids out of his care and place them permanently with him. I would reach out if I was you. I left my exhusband for the same reason and I’ll be damned if my kids have to go through this again. And I wouldn’t want another woman to endure the horrible things he did to me. Just be very careful!
Tell her to get out! Nobody deserves to be treated like that! Try and get visitation suspended because even if he hasn’t physically abused his kids its still mental abuse to see the way he treats his girlfriend! Definitely talk to the girlfriend though, even let her know she can still see/communicate with your children if shes not with him(if your open to that) I’m just saying one big factors in why i stuck it out in the situation I was in for so long is because of his daughter, but her mother is amazing with letting me and my family still see/tall to her!!!
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Talk to her But, Talk to your lawyer as well to change custody. That the only way to protect them. Tell your ex you can’t let them in that again. The kids need counseling because of him and he needs anger management. Your son also needs counseling or he will be the same when he grows up. They are being taught by dad this is how you deal with problems. Sorry you are going thru this …again. God bless y’all.
You need to stop the visits. You are letting them see that it’s ok for men to treat women like shit. Your daughter is going to grow up thinking that, that is the way she should be treated and your son is going to grow up thinking that is the way to treat women. They need to be removed from that situation now ! As for the new girl friend well she is going to have to stand up for her self. Your responsibility is to your children. Ask your daughters therapist. Kids learn what they live.
He can be a good dad but if he’s doing this in front of them he’s not physiologically. Ask yourself if this is how you want your daughter/son to see as healthy in a relationship. Think about how what they’re exposed to is what they’ll think is normal. He needs time to work on himself and until he can be a good relationship role model he shouldn’t have 50/50 and I know it’s hard but the balls in his court to shape up.
Tell her. Report abusers!!! And as far as you saying he’s a good dad you have to remember that she’s growing up watching and learning how a man treats a woman and he’s not setting a good example. You might upset his girlfriend but you might also save her life, her mind. Tell her. Everyone has a right to know if they are dating and abuser they might not want to hear it and they might be in denial at first but you might be the key in unlocking that door that allows her to feel like she can leave.
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They will grow up thinking it’s normal. They will be so messed up. Keep them at home.
I’m not even going to finish reading this pass - he was abusive to you and now to another woman .
I thinks it hilarious when woman say that their children’s father is a horrible abusive husband , but a wonderful father ? NO HES NOT.
If he has abusive tendencies- he’s not a safe place for your children !!’ EVER!
Even if it seems like the kids are not affected because the abuse is not directed towards them - He’s commuting a crime in front of them! It’s abuse!
Go to court and protect them!
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You need to protect your kids. They don’t need to see or hear their daddy being abusive to his girlfriend. They may grow up thinking thats the way a woman is to be treated.
And I think you should tell the girlfriend why you left him. I just hope she does not get pregnant by him. And feels she has to stay in an abusive relationship.
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Ugh protect the children, they learn what they live 
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Protect your kids from that type of environment. It will cause them a lot of trauma. Talk to her and tell her you care about her and want to help.
Talk to her. Let her know what you went threw. But support her whatever she chooses. And when they do leave. Keep her in your kids life, sounds like a great friend to have with your kids
Your son needs counseling also. Otherwise he could see it as being ok, and repeat the pattern (not saying that you wouldn’t try to teach him not to, but we are a product of our parents) but I’d talk to a lawyer first, change the visitation agreement, and then if asked why, explain that.
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The harsh reality is she will not leave until she is ready. You can give her advice and maybe shorter visits so she is not as exposed
I would just let her know you’re here for her, let her know you got her back and want to help if she ever decides she needs it. Don’t necessarily bring it up directly, just let her know ya know.
Bravo for putting the kids in counseling! so many parents dont do this in abuse cases and its so wrong. they need it! I would simply offer an ear whenever she feels like talking. dont go into detail, just simply know you’re there if she ever needs to talk.
Its basically a discussion to be had. It’s affecting the children so much they are coming to you about it. It’s a true concern and it very much is pertanant to the children.
I WOULD HAVE NEVER CONSENTED TO 50/50 ANYTHING!! He would only get supervised visitation only!! SINCE HE’S SUCH A GOOD DAD, I would let him know what the children tell me & let him know WE’LL HAVE TO GO BACK TO COURT, IF THIS KEEPS UP!! Counseling for the children of couse, BUT STOP SENDING THEM BACK INTO THE LIONS DEN!! GOOD LUCK
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Take him back to court, get full custody unless he completes some type of therapy to make him suitable to have the kids around.
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I would also check to make sure your son wouldn’t benefit from counseling as well, too often as a society we forget that boys also can be scarred. He’s seen things that he may also need to talk about freely to avoid a trauma response later on in life. As far as talking to the dad’s girlfriend I think I would wait until after getting a different custody agreement.
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Men who are abusive towards women are NOT good dads… ever! Lmao! You just didn’t want to be a mom full time.
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Remove the kids, go back to court, and you could talk to the gf if you want, it may also make things worse
He wouldnt like his daughter to b with a man like him. He would probably want to kick the guys a** . So its not ok for him to b like that to anyone. He needs counseling.
Custody should probably be reconsidered. But as far as the girlfriend goes i would say something simple to let her know that you know and care. Something like “hey the kids are coming home upset that you’re having a hard time. I just want to let you know the kids and i all care about you. Please let me know if you need anything.” But i wouldn’t say too much and push her away. She may be embarrassed
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I would suggest staying out of it but therapy is the right avenue. If there is something super concerning they are mandated reporters. It’s the route I had to take to get a 2 year OP for my daughter!
I know you say he is a good father but if he is doing this in front of the kids he is actually abusing them and teaches them it’s okay to be abused, and yes please reach out to the new gf because she may think she deserves it when nobody deserves to be abused
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Get a parenting plan in place with a judge. Address his abuse and require that he get counseling or have supervised visits with his kids. They are being harmed by his abusive behavior.
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What would you have wanted when you were in the situation she is? Would you have wanted someone to help/listen to you? Wish you could keep the kids away from the abuse…
You need to help the girlfriend. Get her out of that house.
A wise woman once told me… there’s no such thing as a good father if he’s not a good husband
Take this off Facebook and consult a lawyer… that’s what you do…
Take children out of the environment ASAP. File for full custody. That behavior is learned. You don’t want your children thinking that is the way a woman should be treated. Your daughter finding that kind of relationship because it’s the way it should be and your son treating woman like that. It’s abusive to the girlfriend and emotional abuse to your kids. Absolutely talk to the girlfriend. She may be your ally in court. KIDS FIRST! Good luck, momma.
- apply for legal aide so that he can’t
- take him for full custody ASAP
- absolutely have a talk with her. If she gets mad or doesn’t want to hear it than that is her choice to make and she will be sorry for it later.
Been on the receiving end, kids shouldn’t be exposed to this. Offer the girlfriend assistance and get into family court to keep the kids from visits as it is abusive to them even though it is not being g done to them.
Man that’s a tough one! U def need to keep open and honest communication with your daughters and explain in detail without bashing the idiot, how wrong WRONG it is to treat ANYONE so badly esp your spouse! Be sure to pray for her along with the girls. U probably won’t be able to limit visitation and I’m not sure that would be the right thing anyway but u CAN teach them