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QUESTION:
My fiance and I are having our second baby together - we didn’t do a baby shower the first time because of covid. This time around, all things considered, that the amount of cases have lowered, people have been vaccinated, restrictions aren’t so bad, etc… our families suggested we do one. So we put alot of thought into it, decided it was something we would do. We rented a hall, got a caterer, had a cake and all kinds of sweets made, put together games and prizes… all this work, and only a handful of people showed. The majority of his family doesn’t live very close to us, but they did RSVP that they were coming, especially since it was mostly their idea. My family didn’t show either…
I’m just completely devastated that I allowed them all to talk me into this, when I could’ve used that money towards buying things I actually need for my child instead of wasting so much on a shower that nobody attended.
Would I be wrong to express my feelings to them?
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“I would tell them. It was your baby shower, your first one at that because of covid. Like how are they gonna give you the idea to do it then not even show up…”
“I stopped talking to people that did that to me. Planned a big shower with a ton of food and stuff, and had maybe 8 people show up. It’s really not worth the stress in the end, because you’ll realize a lot of them won’t stick around anymore when you have your little one. Edit: it wasn’t like they told me last min they couldn’t be there, they told me they would come then decided to just not show up.”
“I had that happen with my son’s high school graduation open house. Nobody and l mean nobody on my side of the family came. Had every excuse in the books. So now when l’m invited l just send a card with money. If they can’t come for my son’s l can’t go to any of their things.”
“This is why we never plan big events anymore. We spent hundreds of dollars planning and making preparations for my son’s birthday party a few years ago only for two people to show. People are shit.”
“I think if they RSVP’d and you spent money for them on like food and drink and stuff, then yeah. I would absolutely talk to them. You spent money assuming they were showing and now you’re just out that money”
“I would find out why before being mad. Some may have a very legit reason. No sense in getting mad. Lesson learned”
“Event planners count on RSVPs for planning purposes. When you respond in the affirmative you should attend unless an emergency comes up. Yes…life happens. And when it does, you should at least let the person responsible know you will not be able to attend. And even if you are unable to attend, proper etiquette dictates that you still see that a gift gets to the recipient.”
“I had this happen with my daughters first bday. A lot of people rsvp and didn’t show. I rented the building at my local park and all. It was very expensive. But I was very great full to the ones who did show. But me my husband decided not to throw anymore big bday parties until she hits school age. Now we just do a small family celebration. Best decision we ever made.”
“This is completely annoying and ignorant that people still do this or don’t bother to rsvp at all. It’s in poor taste and manners. Unfortunately you could say something & it still wouldn’t do any good. I doubt any of them would offer to pay some of the expenses back. This is a life lesson you learn from & don’t make the same mistake twice. In fact, you could kill them with kindness which might make them feel guilty, set up a registry on target, Amazon or Walmart & send them a “you missed the shower but here’s our registry info” card and see what happens. Sorry this happened to you. If you live close by or are close to some that didn’t show, you could say something.”
“Life happens. It sucks not having the ones who said they were coming not come. But maybe they just couldnt. If you want to never talk to them again I wonder who the babies are in your household. It was a shower. Life is better with the people you love in it. The alternative is really NEVER being able to talk to them again. No one is perfect call them up and ask them why they couldnt and accept it that they were doing their life that day. Cherish your family and friends don’t let anything come between you and them especially you.”
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