So a few month back my sister set me up with her boyfriends best friend. From the very beginning he love bombed me. He was really sweet and nice. I wasn’t attractive to his physical appearance (face) but I decided to give it a shot because going for looks never worked out for me. So him and I talked for awhile and he fell in love with me so fast! I told him that he needed to slow down. He did and I ended up growing an attraction to him because of his personality. We finally went on a date and I instantly knew he didn’t have any social skills. Something was just off. Sometime goes by and I start noticing more and more that he is a very high functioning adult with mild autism (I’m a mental health therapist). He has a son and would tell me that his son notices that he’s happy and in love with someone and how he’s so happy for him. After a while I meet his son and INSTANTLY knew that his son was autistic, his son has a speech impediment and barely talks. That threw me off because he told how much his son talks. I asked him and he told me that he’s emotionally disturbed because his biological mother left him. He said his son acts different when he’s around other people. I STILL gave him the benefit of the doubt. After some time, I started to notice that he’s always at home and he’s not working at this big corporate job that he said he has. I ask him about it and he said that he was “just let go”. More and more lies came out and I start noticing how toxic he is. I told him I needed some time away. I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks later. I told him that I was pregnant and I’m 100% sure he’s the father because I wasn’t with anyone else and the timeline matches. I recorded each time we had sex in an app and when I looked back the last time was during my ovulation window (the condom broke and I took a plan B, obviously didn’t work). I was unsure about keeping the baby because I have kids, I’m divorced, I work 10-13 hour days, it’s just a lot. He promised he would be here and he begged me to not have an abortion. I still scheduled the procedure, when I got to the clinic and I was laying on the table, I couldn’t do it. I literally got up and ran out. Fast forward to now, I’m almost 11 weeks and yesterday he told me he doesn’t want to be with me because we’ve been arguing (about him and all of his lies). I found out a lot of bad things about him. I did a background check on him because the things that he told me about himself weren’t adding up to the life that he was living. He’s had a few lawsuits against him, he’s been to jail for domestic violence and child endangerment. I found out he’s behind on his rent, he has no job, and he’s on welfare for him and his son. He portrayed himself to be something completely different. He is also very mean to his son, he sleeps all day, he’s threatened to come to my home and cause me harm when I didn’t want to do something he wanted, and he is just very irresponsible. He gaslights me constantly. I now understand why he was single for so long before meeting me and now I know why his relationships never worked out. I almost want to contact his sons mom and ask her what happened because I know he’s lying about her and why she left. He likes to intimidate and bully others because he’s 6’8 and Nigerian and tells me all the time “I’m African, I don’t take sh** from anymore especially women. I’m royalty in my country”. Probably another lie. So anyway, yesterday he told me that I’m better off getting an abortion because I told him that when I have the baby I don’t trust him to be alone with our child. He’s shown to me how violent he gets, and he’s just unfit to care for a child. He told me that if I don’t have an abortion, he’s going to apply for full custody and take the baby away as soon as he/she is born (he’s silly). I have proof of how unstable he is. I contacted my lawyer and explained to him everything and sent in my proof to him. I already knew what he was going to say. There would be no way a judge would ever grant him full custody. He thinks just because he has full custody of his son he could gain custody of mine. He had no choice but to get full custody because the mom left (I wonder why) and if he didn’t take his son he was going into foster care. She had nothing and turned to drugs supposedly. So I told him that I was going to have an abortion because I don’t want to deal with him. He told me “good that’s the best thing to do, I wish you the best in life. Goodbye”. But I’m not going to have an abortion, I can’t. I’ve already seen my baby in a ultrasound, I’m already showing and I feel little flutters. My lawyer told me to not put him on the birth certificate. I didn’t want to anyway and I was never going to give my child his last name. He threatened me before that he would take my baby back to Nigeria where he is from so by not putting him on the birth certificate gives him zero legal rights to the baby. So after all of this and if you’re still reading, my question is this. Would you tell him that you had the baby or would you not say anything at all? Would you eventually tell him after some time has passed by? I don’t need him for anything. I don’t want/need his child support (it’s not like he could pay anyway). That’s the only draw back of not putting him on the birth certificate. I make more than enough to provide. Besides that he is a toxic narcissist and I don’t want that for my baby, myself, or my other kids.
I would report him to child’s services because I’d be worried something could happen to his son and no, I would not tell him. He has already stated he didn’t want anything to do with the kid and wanted you to terminate. So he does not need to know. It’s safer for you and the baby that way. Good luck, mama
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I tell my childs father when I give birth?
No, you will be creating problems for yourself and your son. According to how you describe him in the post, your son and you deserve better. Yes, you can tell your son once he is older who he his dad is, but I don’t think is a good idea to tell the dad now. I mean for what? What do you think he is going to do? Has he approached you during your entire pregnancy at all to ask how the baby was?
At first I was like yes absolutely! The more I read it. Absolutely not. You need to cut ties with him immediately. Get a restraining order and some protection for yourself and your little on the way. And block him from everything. He sounds very toxic and abusive.
No be done. Itll be much easier trust me
My personal opinion: NO, he was only the sperm donor
Good God no I would never in a million years let him know
Don’t tell him anything, because once you do … It’ll open a big can of worms.
Nope. Block him on EVERYTHING possible. Never say a word
Run as fast as you can and do not look back
No no no! Do not tell him anything and have no further contact with him!
I hope you know your sister hooked u up with this guy to get him out of her and her mans relationship. Please move and dont not saying anything.
No never tell him!!!
Keep him off the birth certificate and do not tell him. Just cut all ties with him, seriously.
My lord how are you still debating this?? He is insane and can harm your child. Do not tell him! You’d be an idiot if you did.
Don’t tell him. I’d start as far away as possible. He sounds dangerous
He doesn’t want the baby, he should have no right to know. Cut all ties and stop any form of communication.
Cut all ties with him and please call CPS for his abused kid
NO !!! Don’t tell him anything, ignore texts if he should write and write him off. No innocent child should have any interaction with someone obviously dangerous to the welfare of this child. If ever you pass him and asked tell him someone else is the father
Don’t say anything at all to him. However keep in mind regardless if he’s on the birth certificate or not he could ask for paternity test and try for custody or visitation if anyone else tells him which would be terrible.
THIS IS YOUR BABY. I would not tell him at all. He is unstable… clearly…. It’s best for you to just not have any contact with him. If he isn’t going on the birth certificate and you don’t need him in any way. Then don’t keep him in the loop? That’s just starting more and keeping him around.
Don’t put him on the birth certificate, don’t tell him.
I not only wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate but I also wouldn’t say anything. When your child is older and can understand defend themselves then you can tell them the truth. And that you chose to keep him/ her safe I wish you the best
Girl tell him ur moving to Canada or something.
No, cut ties now and run fast.
don’t tell him. let him go. better off for you and your families future.
Nah, save it for ancestry dot com after its much too late to meet anyone.
Keep him off the BC but won’t ur sisters man tell him if that’s his bff?
Girl… I would move so he can’t find you! Run don’t walk and never look back.
Don’t tell him and definitely keep him off the birth certificate.
Do not tell him a thing. He doesn’t sound safe. Do not put him on birth certificate.
U r best doing it on ur own sounds like to me. U r a good mother.
If he is as bad as you make him sound, WHY would you even need to ask these questions?! Don’t tell him anything about your unborn child!
Move and move quickly. Cut all ties with him. Don’t say a word. You know your answer already , take your own advice and run.
No if he is that bad just cut ties with him.
Don’t tell him. No good can come from it.
Honestly I would never tell someone to abort there baby, but I think in this position I myself would he seems kind of dangerous I would want him completely out of my life and never risk him getting any sort of custody of my child. People are probably going to have a go at this comment but if I was in your shoes I would abort and totally wipe that man out of my life
Don’t tell him and move away if you have to
I wouldn’t tell him a god damn thing. Seems like you have your shit together. Good for you. Have ur baby and live your life
I’d run girl. I wouldn’t say a word to him and I’d go in with my life. His poor son he has with him that breaks my heart. Save your baby from that life. And drop a call to get that other child some help too. I’ll be praying for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
Nope! Do not tell him at all take care of your children leave him out of the pictures seems like he will destroy your life! think about all your kids and your self that’s what important.
Run as fast as you can xx don’t tell him anything else xx
Cut the ties and move on
Don’t let him know anything about you or the baby
Cuz god forbid he goes crazy and try’s to go and hurt you and or the baby
nope nope nope nope
Loose that loser, but fast!
I would move, change my number, and honestly it is best not to have this child.
I would never even say anything, start fresh have no contact. He was someone who came into your life for a short time
Definitely do not tell him. Erase him from your mind. Dangerous
If you have to ask you already know the answer. Hope all works out for you.
Don’t tell him. He made it clear on his position. He would only use the child to manipulate you.
Do not tell him. No contact at all with him. You’re SO much better off!
No he sounds like a shitty person who thinks of himself as a big shot. And u would do better without him
The obvious answer is definitely no if you’re telling yourself already all the reasons why you’re keeping the baby from him and us in this group those reasons and all of them are not good reasons at all and him being dangerous in general I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate or tell him about his child at all
Nope. Just completely let him go. Do what you gotta do to keep your baby safe. I’ve gone through a similar situation. Me and all my babies are living a good happy life.
If you reread your post I think you’ll find you’ll find your answer. He’s shown you who he is, and that’s not what you want for your child. You owe him nothing. Regardless of what kind of person he is you owe no one anything. You owe your child the world and he’s not it. Him knowing anything at this point will only be leverage to keep the tie between you. Us as adults can go back between toxic situations all we want but the moment there’s a child involved you gotta stand up for the baby. For your mental and physical stability and safety leave it be. DNA doesn’t make it his business point blank.
Nope, I would never tell him. Cut all ties.
Nope don’t tell him .
Toward the end of your post i think you are still believing his lies. Did his current child’s mother really run off and into drugs? Did he steal his son from her?
I would personally move and not tell him at all
I wouldn’t ever tell him. Never. I would protect my child and get a no contact order.
I wouldn’t have told him I was pregnant! but now that u did, I hope he never finds out on social media or thru anybody else that u had his kid cuz then ur gunna need a restraining order!!
I would not tell him.
Do not talk to him. Start ur life over with ur new baby. . Good luck
Don’t ever tell him, Mama. 10 years from now, he will still be this way.
Hell no., Don’t contact him,don’t put him on anything! He wanted you to have an abortion & obviously is a threat… You and your family are better off not entertaining him at all!!! get a restraining order if he does find out & I’d thank your sister, boyfriends best friend? for fixing you up:/( sarcasm)
You know the answer already. Don’t tell him.
I would tell him you went through with the procedure…. And move and never look back… he is a PSYCHO
Don’t tell him. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Just move on with your life and be happy.
NOOOOO… did you read what you wrote? No.
Don’t tell him nothing he doesn’t deserve to know move on with your life hun
Don’t tell him, he sounds like a disgusting human and should not be around children.
Nope it sounds like he aint got sense enough to poor piss out of a boot.
Change your phone number , email and Facebook. If possible move house and definitely DO NOT tell him that you’re keeping the baby . Good luck , hope everything works out for you xxx
My sons father isn’t on the birth certificate and he took a dna test and he’s paying child support, so your lawyer lied to you about him not having any legal rights. If he finds out you didn’t have an abortion he may want a blood test
Treat him as the sperm donor that he is and don’t tell him. He doesn’t want the child anyway. Take your children and be happy and safe away from him. Good luck!
Sounds like he bullied the mum of his son to get him and he sounds unfit to be looking after that child, firstly please put a safeguarding and social.service check on his son, like for all you know she’s dead cause of him, I have been abused by an African man that threat to take the baby to Africa would happen, i e seen it happen when I was in the circle, its why I.made sure to never get pregnant by my ex, please get all evidence e of threats saved, txts, emails so you can use against him and make sure you disappear if you can, honestly I’d never tell him I had the child I’d sat I’d lost it, gave it up for adoption or had an abortion just to keep him.out of my life, I’d rather that I’d definitely not want money from.him that would keep.that toxic thing in my life ,hell no I’d keep quite
…… man, this poor baby.
Don’t tell him let him think you had an abortion your well rid of him xx
Why would someone laugh at this post immature
I have no possible idea why you’d tell him. You answered your own question. Why invite chaos and danger into your life and the life of your innocent child?
everyone so quick to take her side without hearing his. You said you’re a health care professional who recognized his autism, you ignored lies and red flags. You decided to have sex with him? After months you couldn’t break it off? Now you’re pregnant and don’t want to tell him when the baby is born? He won’t assume you are pregnant forever. Get a lawyer. He’ll get visitation. The time to decide he might be a shitty dad was before you slept with him and got pregnant. Too many women out here deciding to cut dad’s out of the picture, because they don’t find him worthy. Tough situation, but you were your own worst enemy in this scenario. He is a dad and he has rights and I hope he gets someone to help him see his child.
leave him , and try and get away from him as far a possible - like u said u’d already contacted your lawyer about him- what i would do next is keep in contact with your lawyer and tell him any other things that this man is doing towards u !i would honestly break ff all ties with the father and go on to lead your life the way u wish or had been doing before u met this guy!
You don’t have to tell him or put him on the birth certificate but that doesn’t mean he has absolutely no rights. If he finds out you had the baby he can petition for a DNA test and then petition for visitation rights, if he wants them. It’s up to you on what you decide to do but just know that he can still gain rights to his child. It sounds like he doesn’t want anything to do with the child but he could change his mind.
Since he has threatened to take the child out of the country I’d ask for supervised visitation, if he does end up petitioning the court for access to the child. Hopefully you have proof he said that because if so there’s no question they’d grant supervised visitation.
In this case baby is better off without a father like that in the life. Don’t tell him anything
Girl leave him. He’s an abuser on disguise
I think the obvious answer is no. Personally I would get an abortion or put the baby up for adoption. If he found out, it could be dangerous for your other kids.
Move far away and don’t tell him anything. Completely cut off contact with him.
Restraining order. Stay lawyered up. Distance as much as you can. Also curious what your sister & her boyfriend think of this set up they put together.
No don’t tell him. Just let him think you got rid of the baby. Just stay completely away from him.
Nope I would not tell him ever.
I wouldn’t tell him anything at all!! If he asks just say that baby not his!!!
Nope. Go make your social media super private now, avoid all contact with him. I’d talk to your sister about him so they know not to set him up with anyone else. I wouldn’t tell her bf that he’s the father though, that might make him feel like he should tell his “best friend” since you aren’t going to, tell her bf that it was from a one night stand or something. I’d also think hard about if you want to even tell your sister because she might feel like her bf would keep the secret and tell him anyway.
Do not tell him and leave his name off the b.c. He sounds like he needs serious mental health help and I worry about his son and that son’s mother.
I’d personally disappear before that baby is born. If he wants to go for dna you can’t really stop him, but you can make it really hard for him to find you.
No’mam, after all he has said, lies, and threats, I would never.
Normally I’m an advocate for dads knowing about their kids, even not so great dad’s. But if everything you say in your post is accurate, he sounds like a danger. Follow your gut mama, if you’re good on your own, keep it that way. However, simply not putting him on the birth certificate won’t fully protect you I believe. You’ll have to say you don’t know who the father is and if he ever finds out he can push back and demand a DNA test so…just be careful.
Tell him it’s someone else’s baby tou met shortly after him di not tell him don’t put name on birth certificate
Why would you even contemplate telling him?? You know there’s something not right between the son and whatever had happened with the mother. Why would you want to put yourself into that situation with your baby? He sounds cleverly unhinged. I would be upping sticks and moving away. He’s gonna bring you problems if he knows where to find you.
Don’t say a single word to him, ever. He is the type you need to just get away from and that would just open things back up for him to destroy yours and your child’s lives. Do not ever tell him