Do not tell him. He is a narcissist and will make your life hell. Stick with the abortion story with him. Have your baby and be happy without him in your life. If they ask if you know who the father is say no it was a one night stand. No name of child birth certificate for father. Just let it lie. Your better off without him then you will ever be with him knowing he has a child with you.
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Don’t tell him, he doesn’t seem stable enough to be a good dad. And question your friend why she set you up with him!
I wouldn’t tell him I until the child was 18. Also, I agree that I wouldn’t tell anyone who the father is. Do what you have to to protect your child.
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Idk what to really say but I’ll send some good vibes for you and the baby
Girl you better off with him not knowing about the baby that you decide to keep if he is as bad as you say run with that little one and don’t let him know
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My question to you is if your a mental health therapist why are you letting his son with him when he is unstable and a violent behavior ? Have CPS involved for the kids sake and safety. ? Why would you contact that person so he can be in your child’s life and ruin him. Your child would be mentally tormented by him. Think about your child not his father. The guy already stated he doesn’t want the child so he can’t really say you alienated him from his child
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Wow! You are a mental health worker - you know what to do!
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Absolutely do not put him on the birth certificate. Do not contact him now, then or after. He said goodbye. Block him in all areas and anyone he could use to creep on you. Be done with him. If you were on the outside reading this… surely you would tell the girl to run. Please don’t put you or your child in this situation. He wants rid of the baby because “it’s for the best.” Well that’s your answer. Just like that he’s out of the child’s life. Don’t go back and don’t include him. You’ve got this mama. At this point you gotta look out for your baby! 
Absolutely do not tell him.
Stay as far away from that monster as you can. That is not a man.
Sounds very similar to my situation with my husband 
. Other than mine is a white male. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know its rough. As I approach my due date I keep asking myself if I am going to tell my husband (and father of this baby). All I can say is when the time comes you will know what’s best for you. Definitely set boundaries with yourself and him. It helps. Keep all conversations between yall documented just in case. Stay strong mama 
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First I’d thro@t pun€h my sister for setting me up with a crazy person. Then I would let him believe that you went through with the abortion, neither you nor your children need that kind of crazy following you around.
Yikes.
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Don’t tell him then sounds justified
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Nope I would not tell him at all!
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I think you made a great choice keeping your baby, regardless of him being a narcissist or not… Everything happens for a reason. I am all for fathers/mothers having their children unless there’s a good reason. This man seems super toxic and I don’t think the child will benifit from him being in his/her life at all… I don’t think you should say anything at all to him. If he wanted to be a father he wouldn’t have told u to get an abortion. Protect your baby from his unstability.
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If all of this is true. Don’t tell him and don’t put him on the birth certificate
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If you are a mental health worker…then why would you even adk this question??? Why would you want him to know anything about the child at all…he’ll if nothing else I would lie and tell him it wasn’t his…normally I would say the dad should be in the child’s life. But I would tell him that they had your due date wrong and it’s actually a guy you was seeing before him…I’m not about lying either. …but if it comes to the safety of a child… ya gotta do what ya gotta do…but why did your sister hook you up with such a toxic sick individual???
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First off SORRY YOUR GOING THRU THIS, but didn’t your sister or her boyfriend notice anything about his behavior ?
2nd don’t tell him. You both are better off.
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Nope. I would move away and never contact him again.
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I wouldn’t say a thing snd move
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He already wished you luck and said his goodbye. Good riddance mother f’er… I’d never speak to him again.
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So…I wouldn’t tell him right away. BUT. Not putting him on the birth certificate does not mean he has no legal rights to the child. If he finds out you still had the baby, he can get a court ordered paternity test to prove he’s the father and then you won’t have a choice but to deal with him, unless he goes in front of the judge and signs off on his parental rights. I absolutely get why you wouldn’t want your child around him. I just want you to be careful, honestly. And if he really is friends with your sister, he’s going to find out.
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I wouldn’t tell him. Ever.
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Don’t. Prayers for you n baby
I would absolutely NOT tell him I had a baby… ever! I would let him think I had an abortion. If he ever sees you with a new baby… just lie and tell him it’s by someone else. That may sounds bad for me to say but I would not put my child in that position! Good luck and may God protect you both 
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Why does it matter that she’s a mental health worker? They need advice too there life gets hard stop judging her because of what she does for a living she’s also human .
Keep your baby safe. Keep yourself safe. It benefits no one for him to know. Don’t engage with him anymore.
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My granddaughter did not tell her baby daddy she had him. He’s a yr old an has never even ask about the baby. Best thing for my family was not to get in touch. He wanted her to an abortion as well and she went through the whole process up until she was at the clinic time to for the procedure and she did just what you did she ran out. And now we are blessed with the most precious little one-year-old little boy and couldn’t be happier. Best wishes to you and your family I pray everything works out for you but just do what’s in your heart you’re the mommy and you’re the one who always be there for your baby.
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Don’t say a word to him
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I wouldn’t have the baby. If you have an autistic child how are you going to care for your other children?
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I’d call it a sperm donor and cut it off for good. Keep your baby far away. I think you know the right answer but your scared your baby will resent you. Don’t. If he is doing this now what more is he gonna say or do.
Never ever tell him. Love your baby and leave his toxic ass behind
Run away as fast as you can.
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Have you considered entering into another field besides being a Mental Health Therapist? You are professionally trained in this area and are falling into all the traps of unhealthy relationships. Please take some time for self-reflection and seek another professional’s advise. Therapist need other therapist help from time to time. If you go back to your core basics in your field, you know exactly what needs to be done to protect this child. Also, please give your OBGYN the fathers background so they can monitor your baby for potential health risks that may come.
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If you are not going to put the father’s name on the certificate do not bother letting him know. If you do he can take you to court to have his name put on the certificate an get his rights. Good for you not having an abortion. Good luck with the new born.
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Don’t tell him, change your number, block him on all social media and don’t put him in the birth certificate!
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Normally I think a dad has a right to know but if he’s told you to have an abortion then let him believe you did… he obviously didn’t want the baby so why bother him… 
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I would legally obtain sole custody of that child. That way he can never try to take it from you. Later on down the road he may have a better foothold as far as a job and stable home. You don’t want him to come and make your life hell when you least expect it. Strip him of his parental rights from the get go and then you’ll never have to worry for you or your baby.
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I wouldn’t tell him, hopefully he doesn’t live in the same town/city as you. Don’t tell him and don’t put his name on anything.
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I would tell him you had the procedure done and then cut it off from there. Meanwhile do what your lawyer says. Get sole parental rights.
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Maybe next time do the background check BEFORE having sexual intercourse with someone:woman_facepalming:t3:
Other than that, good luck! Sounds like you’re gonna have a long road ahead with or without him in your life.
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Do not tell him anything ever! Your baby and you will be much better off without him! And if you have to, I know it’s difficult! But get the hell out of where you are, move! Otherwise he could be a consistent problem for you and you don’t need his s***! Sounds like you’ve dealt with enough!! Run and never look back and never call him or think that he will be your friend!
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If everything you say is true, I would definitely not tell him. Let him think you had an abortion and live your life… just try not to let him find out. I wouldn’t post about it on social media where it could get back to him.
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I would not tell him anything!! He sounds dangerous. Stay far away from him and raise your baby!
No don’t tell and move so he won’t know where you are. Don’t list him as father on birth certificate
I hate when parents hold their children from the other parent BUT there are times when it is needed to keep the child safe. I say have your baby and forget him. From the sounds of it he will be nothing but negativity in your child’s life. Maybe even tell him you got the abortion and cut ties. I feel.so bad for the son he already has. Best of luck, momma. Do what you need to do.to keep your children and yourself safe.
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I’m so sorry. For everything he has put you through. You don’t need to deal with this guy. Stay away from him. Far, far away. NEVER tell him about the baby. He doesn’t deserve to know. Or to be any part of your beautiful babies life. I wish you the very best, and most of all,… a very healthy and happy bouncy baby.
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Listen to your lawyer.
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I think you already have your answer. Don’t tell him! You and baby will be better off alone. Praying for you, mama!!!
Either get an abortion, or tell him you had an abortion. If you keep the baby, tell the hospital you don’t know who the dad is.
Honestly, get the abortion. If he finds out you had the baby he can potentially get a dna test and could potentially find a way to take the baby back to Africa before anything is set in court.
Don’t tell him, continue on with your life make no contact with him. Don’t put him on the birth certificate and give the baby your last name.
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Even though a child should have the chance to know his father, there are times when it is necessary not to. This is a perfect example. He doesn’t want the child obviously. The child will be much better off with you. I just hope that he doesn’t keep tabs on you and find out you are still pregnant. You may need to get a PFA right away if he starts coming around. You have no idea what he is capable of. I was in an abusive marriage with someone who claimed to love me, but if that was love, I didn’t need it. Do what is best for you and all your children. I will be praying for you.
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I’m surprised that’s even a question after everything you just said about him. Tell him if you want to complicate your life even more. Once you tell him, he will make your life (and the baby’s) a living hell! DO NOT TELL HIM!! Live a better life (without him) with your baby 
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I would let him think I had the abortion & try to stay as far away from him & anyone he knows that would get back to him. That baby will be better off without out knowing him at least until he/she is an adult.
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He would find out anyway from your sister boyfriend. Why would he set u up with his crazy friend. He doesn’t like you to do you that wickedness. I wasn’t telling him but his proximity to your family means he is gonna find out. Good luck
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Move on and don’t tell him
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I think that you should ask your attorney and do as he says, he has proof or evidence we don’t. Also, your attorney is paid to advocate for YOU and that baby. It is extremely important you listen to HIM/HER. It is also their “profession” they deal with then situations all the time
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Don’t tell him and I think I would move out of town!!!
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You’re a mental health therapist and you noticed all these things and you still banged him?
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No don’t tell him and live your life how you want. Cut all ties and communication.
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Dang and you’re a therapist?!! What you doing with this guy?
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You sound as if you could make your children a happy place without a useless man who is basically brain drained
I’d listen to my lawyer.
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I personally wouldn’t tell
Him, was given this advice when I had my own daughter , stupidly didn’t listen and went through 9 years of hell !! Do both of you a favour and don’t tell him !!
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Move and keep it to yourself.
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i agree with Jamie! don’t tell him and move on! when he finds out hell probably be at your door! when you have your baby, id get a restraining order to try and keep him away! if he shows up poundding on your door i wouldn’t waste my time talking to him, just call the cops! before he might break down the door! don’t wait for that to happen!
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Wow long story short .I would tell him I mean it’s his child .you can tell him and also get a lawyer for visitation with child in a safe area. Sad part you moved to fast with no protection so now child has to suffer because of two adults selfishness and insensitivity. You said you are a therapist did you leave a part out like maybe he was one of your clients and you knew what the outcome may be plus harmful… but you went ahead anyway… something not right you knew/know the signs but you ignored them and a child suffers
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I just wouldn’t talk to him let him think you had an abortion and just going on living your life
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I wouldn’t tell him and I wouldn’t put him in the birth certificate.
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This whole thing screams you knew better and did it anyways… 
story of my life…
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So all those things are going wrong and you decide to have sex again and again and again and then have a baby? This can’t even be real
Move on, keep it to yourself. He’s sounds SO toxic for yourself, your current kids and new baby.
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Why do you even have to ask??
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Keep on walking and don’t look back, you can do this without that crazy person to ruin your and your childrens lives. He doesn’t deserve to know.
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Having someone like you was not just a great motivation but also put in the best to get the work so honestly deserve nothing but appreciate thanks for the work Veronika
@Redirecting...
I remember you posted about him a few days ago, honestly I would try to keep him as far away as possible. The child and it’s safety come first always. Period. Keep everything documented, build a case. You will need it.
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Oh my… no for goodness sake, don’t ever talk to him again. Let him think you had an abortion. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. If you ever run into him after the baby is born, tell him it isn’t his baby. I know it’s a lie and I hate lying, but you never want him to ever get his hands on your baby.
I wouldn’t want to tell him at all, but he will probably find out.
Are you going to be able to avoid him completely if he’s the best friend of your sisters boyfriend?
Are they going to be able to lie with ease, because they are going to have to.
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I would not tell him. You may need to move so he doesn’t run into you. Don’t let this baby take on this negative baggage 
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it not who plant the seeed it who feed and takes care to full growth that is the real parents. so No I would never tell him and not take a chance of losing my child to a sick person that would be abusive to it and may kill it in time. or sexually abuse it whether it a boy or girl or seell it for drugs. so What he does not know will not hurt him. ASk God to guide you and tell you what to do and show you how to handle it and leave it in his hands.
Keep to yourself and cut ties
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Why would you? I want to know how well your sister know this guy before introducing him to you. Obviously not well at all. He is going to be a nightmare to deal with if you do tell him. Jmo
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If that’s your sisters boyfriends best friend, it’s very likely it’ll get back to him.
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Please remember that not putting him on the birth certificate has very little meaning. You can not tell him and not put him on there but when it comes down to it, if he finds out and wants visitation he IS entitled to it as the dad.
Keeping the baby means there will ALWAYS be a risk of him finding out and coming back to be in your and the baby’s life.
He’ll eventually find out and you don’t have the right to completely cut him out if he tries to come around, he’ll get visitation in court and they’ll add him to the birth certificate.
It’s unfortunate but make sure you’re thinking about everything that could happen and be 100% sure that keeping the baby is the best thing
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I have a daughter. The dad doesn’t know about her. I chose not to tell him because of situations he shown before I found out about being pregnant with her that he is mentally unstable. Even to the point of him trying to commit suicide. After finding out I was pregnant he was busted for drugs a few months later and I found out about domestic violence with his ex wife. So to this day he has no knowledge of her and she is now 2. I feel it’s best for her and safer with him not knowing. I will be honest with her when she asks about him but you have to do what you feel is better and safer for your child.
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If you aren’t doing anything illegal by not putting him on the birth certificate then I say don’t and move on as if he didn’t exist. This may cause you grief when/if your child asks about the dad. But you have lots of time to figure that out.
It honestly sounds like it would be the safest bet for you and your unborn child as well as your others.
Best of luck 
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I’d file a police report
Don’t let him near you or your children. Head off trouble before it happens
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Wow! What a mess. The moral of this story is???
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The only thing you have to worry about is your sister and her bf. They are best friends, if one finds out most likely the other will too.
You should get a protective order against him for the threats he made to you. That way when the baby is born he legally cant come to the hospital or to your house later on. I would also get cameras for your home so if he does show up after the order, you will have evidence of him violating the order. This will all work out in your favor if he decides to try for custody.
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I wouldn’t tell him, but keep your lawyer updated. They may be able to put you in a protection program. Good luck! May this issue be behind you and you’re able to successfully flourish with your kids and new baby. 
No, don’t tell him. There’s no reason to ever even speak to him. Just move on with life and keep your bubba safe
I wouldn’t tell him at all. Yet along anything about the pregnancy or anything. U got this mama.
Why is this even a question? You’re not putting him on the bc, he’s not going to pay, he’s not allowed to visit. So why tell him? Thats just dumb especially when you know he’s dangerous. Him not having legal rights won’t stop him from TAKING his kid.
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You told him you were getting an abortion. Live just like that. Don’t tell him. Block him on everything. I’d even block the sister and her boyfriend. Lay low for a while.
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Yikes 
I would try to completely put him out of your mind and not tell him anything about your baby
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I would not tell him, he’s obviously not interested and doesn’t need to know… best of luck to you
I would not tell him. I would also make sure he had no way of finding out I had a child. I would let him co to use to believe that you had the abortion.
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND DO NOT GIVE BABY HIS LAST NAME. I WOULD NOT TELL HIM WHEN THE BABY IS BORN EITHER. I would be to worried for u and ur childrens saftey . Good luck momma
I know so many men who said they were going for full custody, they either A. Simply don’t or B. Don’t get it. It’s an abusers tactic.
However, I have seen most of those men become very good fathers. I don’t think it’s right to have his child and not give him the opportunity to know them. Just because you didn’t like him as a partner doesn’t give you the right to withhold his child.
Once the baby is born get a custody agreement and child support worked out legally so you and the child is protected. He is raising a child alone, you dated and slept with him after seeing the type of father he is and now want to sneak off and lie about having an abortion?! and not tell him about his own flesh and blood?
Sorry but no, grow up.
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If he’s your sister’s boyfriends best friend, he’ll end up finding out you had the baby eventually…
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I’d be real mad at my sister honestly
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