First, let’s stop reacting so negatively to something that’s so normal. If she regrets it, you should be making sure emotionally and mentally she is okay. If she hasn’t missed a period there’s no need to force her to take a test. Sure take her to the doctor and maybe put her on birth control if she wants but it’s her body. Let her make the decision. If she’s comfortable telling the stepdad then sure but if she’s not, that should be respected. It’s a personal thing to talk about.
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Have open direct conversation with her regarding safe sex. Boundaries she can put in place and what to do if she ever feels uncomfortable in a situation. Also let her know your expectations and boundaries within the house with boyfriends etc.
In the doctors visit ask her if she feels uncomfortable answering any questions with you present that you can step out but she is to be honest completely with the doctor and if she wants to be on birth control all options need to be looked at to find what she is comfortable with.
I would 100% tell your husband. In our house we are both involved equally and don’t keep things from another. I would tell him privately and let him know about doctors appointment etc
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She confided in you. That’s between you & her. If you tell someone else she doesn’t want to know, she won’t trust you. If you’re worried, get her on birth control
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If your daughter wants him to know, she should be the one to tell her story, not you.
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Unfortunately you cannot stop her from doing what she wants to do. As a mom who got pregnant young, you’re well aware of this fact. What a woman does with her body is never a mans business. And it is not your place to inform someone… especially someone barely involved. (And I would like to point out, I think it makes a big difference if she’s 13 or 17!)
Birth control and STI testing is the next step, and proving yourself trustworthy of intimate details of her life! If you get her on BC, they will do a pregnancy test in office.
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Depends if she under age
This is a hard one because you want your daughter to also trust you and be able to tell you in the future if anything happens aswell. I would keep it between you, so long as you can keep tabs on it (obviously not in a creepy sense) because you can’t stop the inevitable… maybe when going to doctor get her on birth control
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Ask her how she feels about him knowing. It’s her body , and what’s happening with it is ultimately her business and if she chooses to tell you about things like that, then be blessed because lots of girls don’t talk to their mother about those sort of things. Don’t tell him if she says no, that’ll betrays yalls trust and ruin and chance of her telling you things like that I’m the future. Keep it between the girls if he’s not in the picture.
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Oh my gosh give ur daughter the right to her own privacy. It’s a bonus that she was honest with you. But, that doesn’t mean it gives u the right to spill the secret she shared with u to someone else,family or not. It is still her business, she just trusted you and that’s already something to be grateful for. Just continue guiding her we’ve all been through this and i don’t think when it was your time you would’ve wanted your father to know that “yay i had sex!” . It’s just too much mum, im a mom too and if that happens to me i will respect my daughter’s privacy but still be there for her always.
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I think you should just keep it between the 2 of you. Take her to the gynecologist for birth control & explain the importance of also using condoms. She trusted you by telling you, don’t abuse her trust or she won’t come to you about other things.
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I would be leaving the decision up to your daughter to tell the father and stepfather. It’s not your place to be running to them. The best thing you can do now is get her on the pill or some sort of birth control and simply keep the line’s of communication open with her. Don’t betray her trust. It took a hell of a lot to tell you. I think you also need to ask her what she wants to do about the dad thing. Explain her opinions to her and give her time to decide. Dads react differently when finding out that there little girl is no longer a little girl. I’m not normally one for keeping secrets from my spouse but in this scenario I would.
But tell her that your going to be by her side. That’s going to be the biggest thing right now.
Ultimately shes going to make her own choice regardless if you agree with them or not.
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She is asking to tell her husband … you guys really need to read … It depends . I’d say have a talk with your daughter about it and ask her how she would feel about her step dad knowing . If she’s uncomfortable than I say just keep it between the two of you unless she ends up pregnant than that’s when the three of you should sit down together
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As someone whose mother told her father after she said please don’t. DO NOT DO THAT TO YOUR CHILD. That is fucked on so many levels. It doesn’t matter if it’s her biological father, or your husband. She told YOU. It isn’t really your business to tell. She had enough trust to tell you and hoping you wouldn’t tell anyone else.
Personally, I feel if she is comfortable enough for him to know, she will tell him.
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Keep it to your self. No reason for him to know unless she is pregnant and wants to keep. Put her on birth control.
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Your daughter should be the one to tell her father since he isn’t in the picture.
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Remember sex is not the problem feeling safe and educated is the answer and you have the power to provide her with both.
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Don’t tell him. Take the test and if she isn’t pregnant You don’t have to say anything at all and just put her on birth control
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Its not his business period point blank and anyone who says otherwise is a crock of cow dung …how many of them announced it to their fathers:woman_shrugging:t3:
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You can tell him because if you consider him her father, he should know if there is a possible life altering situation possible in the future. However, you also as her bio mom have the right to say, I’m tell you this as my spouse but I dont want you to bring this up again.
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You said it yourself he does everything for her as a biological father would and sees her as his dad so how is this too much to share with him? Maybe it’s too much what he does? Because in the end it’s not good enough. 
he’s helping raise her, yes he should know. She is underage. Everything involving her is both parents business so yeah you guys need to all talk about it.
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Be open with her and ask her if she plans on doing it again. Do not preach how much she just shouldn’t have sex. That’ll make her want to do it more. Push safe sex. Give her every little consequence so she’s completely educated. I don’t know the relationship between your daughter and your husband so it’s a little tough to give much of an opinion. If she doesn’t want him to know, I wouldn’t tell. She should have the choice on whether or not she wants birth control and whether or not anyone knows about certain life experiences.
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Thats between you and your daughter, no one else unless she tells them. If my mom told anyone my business after opening up to her that would probably be the last time
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None of his business
Also you can buy plan b over the counter if this was in the last 72 hours
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If she wants to tell the father figures in her life then that should be up to her. As a teenage girl once, I would not have wanted to discuss that with my father or any male raising me. And If it were me in her position, i would be pissed if my mom told my dad and would lead me to never tell her shit ever again.
If he’s in the house and yous are raising her together, he has a right to know. Keeping secrets at this point is enabling a Divide & Conquer situation down the line.
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Nope, Mom and Daughter business. Even if Dad was on the scene and was amazing, sometimes our kids need privacy, especially as teenagers. That’s how you get their trust. And they need to be able to trust us.
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Be thankful that she told you to begin with… Most don’t share that with a parent at all… Don’t be angry with her… Just be there for her… Being a teenager is hard enough & a daughter needs to know she can come to her mama for anything & that you are her soft & safe place to fall… If she wants her dad to know let that be her choice…
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It’s absolutely not his business.
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He is NOT in the picture so why are u even thinking of telling her business to basically a stranger? U want to discuss this with an adult? Do so with her stepfather who is there every day. They are going to have sex so just teach her about condoms AND put her on BC.
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Do NOT make her go to the doctor! It is humiliating and absolutely ridiculous. My mom made me go and I was forced to let the OB exam me and test me for STDs even though I told both of them I do NOT consent to it. Just talk to her and see if she plans on doing it again. If so, ask her about protection. The importance of Condoms and birth control.
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Take her to an ob to start with… put her on birth control… if she is going to do it she’s going do it… you can’t be upset with her yes understanding you want better for her but either way she will do it just make sure she’s protected get her on the pill and talk to her about condoms … as far as real dad goes no somethings are better left unsaid unless she tells him ( but ) if she sees him or stays on weekends make a reminder to her about taking the pill with her and making sure she takes it or you will have to let dad know so he can remind her
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Why wouldn’t you share something this big with him if you are raising a child together? Biological or not, he’s also parenting with you. He doesn’t have to tell her he knows, or have his own conversation about it. That’s just my opinion
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The fact that you’re over reacting and making this bigger than it needs to be, you are going to push her away so fast! You should be happy that she came to you to talk about it, don’t make her feel bad for being human, just tell her you’re going to be making a call with her doctor to start BC. Having sex is healthy and she shouldn’t ever feel embarrassed about it. As for ur husband you should ask ur daughter if she’s comfortable with him knowing after all this is her business it’s not yours to tell.
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If he’s not involved, there’s no point in reaching out. Period.
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She trusted you enough to be honest with you do not break her trust.
And it’s nothing to freak out about. Teenagers have sex, it’s gonna happen, thankfully she trusted you enough to come to you and talk to you. Freaking out and overreacting will not bring her back to you for help when she needs it. I’d also ask her if she was planning on doing it again anytime soon and if she wanted to be put on birth control. I will not force my children to take birth control. I would not tell her father or stepfather, that is her business to tell them.
Open communication, lots of education, and her choice on the rest!
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No need to tell her father. By the sounds of it he isn’t even interested.
I think she should tell him, if she wants him to know… you definitely don’t wanna break the trust. I know you’re disappointed in her having sex but its a normal thing and if she admitted it was a mistake she may already feel humiliated. I would just talk about if she learned any lessons from it. I mean maybe she felt pressured or she just wanted to “fit in”. Its hard being a teenager, i bet its really hard being a teen these days. Give her some credit for being honest though. I imagine it wasn’t easy…
He’s her father sounds like…blood or not… But that’s a decision u need to make yourself…but if he treats her like his own and she treats him like her dad then as far as rights…u two are married…he’s got just as much right as u or her biological dad to know what’s going on in her life and to be there for her
Og god please dont tell dad … she will tell him when shes ready
I get your worry but remember when you were a teenager- would you have wanted your mother to… freak out… the way you did? Yes I used freak out, bc to me thats what I think you did.
Set her up for success, if it is condoms she needs get her condoms. If it is birth control she needs get her birth control.
Do you tell everyone when you have sex? Because that is what you are making her do.
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I feel as though this is mom and daughter business…if you must discuss with someone, I’d discuss with stepdad when y’all are alone and keep it between y’all. There were many things I told my mom that I found out as an adult that my mom shared with my stepdad. It didn’t bother me nearly as much as it would’ve when I was a teen
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Do what you believe you should do. I wish it had her age in here. It is a extremely difficult. I feel like I would share with the step father, and just to let him be aware of what is going on. Not to shame her or anything or embarrass her. As this is definitely a human thing and something that we all do eventually. I think you handled it well. It sounds like you’re doing the best you can and wanting a better life for her knowing you had her so young. I also had my son at 18 so I know that I definitely want my kids to have kids when they’re older. Getting her on birth control now is a great choice you made. And just to be safe do the pregnancy test and STI screening. You’re doing a good job momma 
hang in there
This just happened with me a few months ago. I took my daughter straight to the OBGYN to get tested for STDs and pregnancy. Her biological father isn’t around, but my husband is her father figure and I told him. I wasn’t going to keep that a secret from him. I’d take her to the gynecologist to get tested and put on birth control.
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I’ve read this as you questioning whether or not to tell your husband. I think it depends on your daughters age. If she’s an older teen, support her, encourage her to tell him herself but she already said she regrets it so trust this is a learning curve for her. If she’s mid teens I’d tell him and deal with it together.
It’s no one’s business, the fact she shared with you is proof she trust you.
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Her being sexually active doesn’t have anything to do with the either dad or even you until she brings it you. Now that she has told you you go over everything to keep her as safe as possible, any rules, if she wants birth control. Unless it’s been at least 2 weeks since she had sex and she hasn’t had a period there’s not really a point to a pregnancy test. The doctor will most likely order one before prescribing Bc anyways.
First and foremost, take her to that dr appt. Hopefully the dr will also have a conversation with her about safe sex, and about waiting before having sex again. Dr will give her pregnancy and std tests if asked. Too many kids feel since they’re not a virgin, might as well keep doing it.
Secondly, Don’t be overly negative with your daughter. Let her know you’re there to support HER, not that shes having sex. Your goal is to keep the lines of conversation & trust open so she can come to you for questions, advice and help. Hopefully it’ll keep her from making poor decisions in the future.
Lastly, do not tell anyone at the moment. Wait for test results. Let things settle down. Then, if you feel it’s important for stepdad to know, ask your daughter about sharing the info. Explain to her why he should know but don’t bully her about it. Discuss whether it’s ok or not for him to talk to her about it. He should be told not to be overly negative with her. Respect her decision or you’ll break the trust and may cause her to rebel. Bio dad doesn’t need to be told anything.
Please ignore all the BS about people needing to know because she’s a minor. There are TONS of things she shouldn’t be doing as a minor that you’ll never be aware of if you break trust.
Hoping all goes well and this is the start of better conversations & future for your daughter!!
Honestly, I don’t know what I would do in that situation. But I feel like the right thing to do is to leave it as girl talk and not involve anyone else unless she makes that decision herself. Trust is so hard to come by and so easy to break and you want her to know she can come to you about anything without fear of you telling others. I would say to keep it between the two of you. I agree with the dr visit to make sure everything is taken care of if she agrees. Have a talk with her about birth control or ask if she would rather talk with a Dr about it. Just remember what it was like to be her age and make sure you let her know in words and action that she can fully trust you with anything, including keeping things between the two of you.
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I personally did not like my mom sharing such info to my dad about me including period etc etc and if she would have respected my wishes I wo UK ld have felt more comfortable to confide in her more. But since she didnt I didnt ask your daughter her view on this I think these situations dont need to be shared with everyone dad or not something’s can stay between the awe women.
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If I was her and found out you told someone I would lose all trust in you.
it’s not his business. it’s her business and she shared it with you. lots of girls won’t even do that. deal with what you gotta do and that’s it. don’t worry about him, because honestly what can he do now anyway?
Yes you should tell him because if something else happens you will be responsible for it on your own
I can’t believe you idiots or saying it’s not his business that’s his daughter really wow
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I’d say keep it to yourself, if she wants him to know she’ll say something.
I hate when parents decide they’re going to lose all trust in their kid for having sex. If she acknowledged it as being a mistake, why are you punishing her by treating her like she betrayed you? At the end of the day, sex is a personal choice. Get over it. And let her tell who she wants, when she wants.
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Get her on birth control. If she doesnt stay with him he doesn’t really need to know.
I feel like that’ll teach her that coming to you is the same as coming to both of you and might make her not do so in the future. Keep her secrets and you’ll keep her trust.
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So wait, how old is your teenage daughter.
Getting angry at her isn’t going to reverse time and stop her from having sex, so its pointless. Ultimately she is going to make her own mistakes in life, and by the sounds of it, it seems like she knows that already.
Getting angry with her about stuff like that will only make her not want to talk to you about things anymore. Believe an open an honest, NON JUDGEMENTAL relationship is safer for her.
Take her to a gyno, get a std test done and get her on birth control.
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Unless you have a pregnancy to deal with, which fingers crossed you do not. Keep this between the 2 of you. She trusted you enough to tell you the truth so take her to the doctor. Maybe suggest a tour of an unwed teen mothers home an let her see how hard it is with a baby. I wish you both so much luck!
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This is a tricky situation. It all depends on the age of this daughter. You are still responsible for her actions and her well being. You are a parent it is your business! If this child is in late teen years I wouldn’t make it a big deal that the father knows unless she wants that. Now if this is a 13 or 14 year old that’s a different story. Communication is key to a healthy relationship!
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I’m assuming it’s his daughter too, if so he has all the right in the world to no, I’m 70 and raised 3 of my own girls just saying
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It is no one’s but her information. I’m glad she shared only to get better protection but her sex life even as a teenager is her sex life 
Keep this between you and your daughter. Dad does not need to know!!!
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Yet you just put this info on facebook? Hope your hubby doesn’t see this???
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He deserves to know. And y’all can come up with some kinda plan together for her.
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If you are living and in a committed relationship with this man and he takes care of your daughter he absolutely has a right to know what is going on. Just because he isn’t her biological father doesnt mean he should be shunned from these life events especially if he takes care of her…as for the biological father…no…if hes not interested in being in her life provocatively than he doesnt get this kind of info
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U guys are a team!!! U need to tell ur husband everything esp abt the kids! Lay it all on the table abt how u feel then come to a solution together about the best way to go about it with yalls daughter!
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Why is he your husband and her father figure if you feel the need to hide things from him.
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Ask yourself this. If she told your husband would you want your husband to tell you
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No keep it between you 2! Don’t break her trust! You want her to come to you with everything no matter what! Dad does not need to know
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Let her tell him if she wants … that’s not your place at all.
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That’s for her to tell him. I would tell her that she should because if anything happens, like an std or baby, he will maybe need to lend funds to help out.
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If you want her to tell you things in the future, I wouldn’t tell him. Talk to her about it. Let her know you feel you need to talk to him about it and see how she reacts. If she agrees and is okay with it then tell him, if she doesn’t then don’t because she will be able to tell if he knows and that’s a pretty personal thing.
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So ur mad at her for doing something you, yourself did at that age? It’s something natural, that’s bound to happen. One can only hope we taught them to make smarter choices like using protection.
And u most definitely gotta include ur husband, because he as u said has been there raising her. That’s his baby too. Idk about telling the biological father since he really isn’t in the pic tho.
And I say this cuz I too got pregnant at a young age (16yrs old) my son is now 11. Next yr I’m having the talk and I can only hope I’ve thought him well as too be patient and wait for the right time / not pressure his chosen partner/ use protection etc…
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Yeah no. Don’t be that parent. I would never.
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Sometimes you don’t have to share EVERYTHING if she’s serious about it being a mistake but her the protection she needs snd tell her to USE it not condoning just protecting
Did anyone ever tell you that you don’t Automatically get pregnant just because you have sex. Don’t buy a pregnancy test, but condoms, and offer her birth control. Teenagers have sex, teach her about SAFE sex. It’s not condoning it, it’s making sure she’s protected. And no, don’t teach your daughter that any man has control over her sex life. Even if she is a teenager. That is her business and hers alone.
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I would keep it between you and your husband. If the biological father really isn’t in the picture then I think he doesn’t need to know. Your daughter may keep things from you in the future if she knows you are willing to share sensitive information with someone who isn’t a constant in her life. Give her a hug and tell her that it was a very mature thing for her to tell you the truth 
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Don’t. Your daughter will never trust you again.
Take her to planned parenthood so it’s confidential. If she wants to talk to you about it later, she can. Depending on how you know he’ll react when you tell you should determine if you tell him. The doctor shouldn’t be a punishment and planned parenthood will keep it that way. STD testing if needed, pregnancy testing if needed and counseling and education, without parental involvement.
Absolutely do NOT tell him she will never trust you again
My husband and I tell each other EVERYTHING. That doesn’t mean my kids know we know but we share everything. No secrets.
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First of all how old is she.
Secondly it is not your place to get mad. You can not shelter a kid their whole life.
Just remember that strict ass parents make sneaky kids.
You should want her to know she can come to you.
Does he view her as his own? Does he treat her like she is his own flesh and blood? Do you not want the trust in your relationship with him to be damaged? Things to think about, thats all im gonna say.
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None of his buisness
Why don’t you just ask her if she will be ok with you telling her dad. That way she is not to embarrassed to tell him herself. Or if she wants to then tell her you will be right by her side. And that you love her very much and make sure TO TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU APPRECIATE HER TELLING YOU !!! Let her know you were only upset because it brought you flash backs and you are not upset with her specifically but only the Situation. Also that now that she is a woman she can tell you (mom) everything!
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She trusted u n keep it that way
Its shocking to me how many are saying its none of his business. So this man can feed her, cloth her, pay her bills, love and nurture her but doesn’t have a right to know? Thats absurd. I would be livid if my husband didn’t tell me our son had sex and most of you would as well. Besides, just bc she tells her husband doesn’t mean he has to approach the daughter with it.
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Buy condoms, not a pregnancy test. She probably lied because she was scared to tell you and from how you are acting I can see why. I started having sex at a young age and never told my parents because of stuff like this.
You don’t HAVE to get her into the doctor, truthfully do not force anything or she will not tell you anything again.
Lastly, truthfully it’s none of his business until she wants to tell him.
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Idk i tell my husband everything that has to do with our kids. I personally would tell him, but make sure it’s not from a place of anger and only if you know you two are solid and he wont be telling anyone else her business. If he is really like her dad then yeah its a part of life and parents should be on the same page. Go get her on birth control asap.
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I think it’s HER place to decided whether or not to share with him. Have a talk with her.
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If she wants him to know she will tell him
If he’s not in the picture he doesn’t need to know
Just worried about you and your daughter and what you got to do about the situation
If it’s a means to help tackle the situation together I would. If hes a wonderful man he will be good support for you. It’s up to you how comfortable you really feel about it. Leave baby daddy out of it though.
Keep your mouth shut and take her for birth control
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Overkill. Set her up with a doctor, but don’t take her. Wait for her period, a pregnancy test won’t be accurate until then anyways so why traumatize her with your fears. And no need to tell anybody, she can talk to who she wants. It’s nobody else’s business!
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Nope. She consented and she didn’t even need to tell you. Keep her secrets or she will never trust you. This isnt life or death. She more than likely isn’t pregnant
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