Her parentsssssssssss not only deserve to know, they need to know in order to parent her.
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Donāt tell. It should be between yāall.
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I think you will hurt your husband and damage your relationship with him if you dont tell him and he finds out. Biological dad, i am not concerned with as he isnt active in her life. If your husband is part of her family, household, and loves her he will want to know.
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I tell my husband everything. Because I expect the same from him.
Would you be okay if she talked to him and not told you?
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Ask her if sheās comfortable with you telling him sheās still entitled to privacy
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Whatās āteenageā though? 13 or 14,15 you need to tell him 
that could be the beginning of problems for both of you if sheās that young. 16 or 17ā¦ I think thatās a fairly common age things start to happen you need to take her to the Gyno get tested etc.
No
Itās confidential info between mother and daughter
You could lose her trust x
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I think he should know. Thatās alot to keep secret. Could damage your guysā relationships later.
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Why would you act like that?
You should be supporting her, not being angry at her and going off. No wonder she was scared to be honest. You shouldāve calmly spoken to her. Made a more active positive approach. Book the doctors to get some contraception have the talk.
She probably doesnāt regret it at all, and probably feels thats the way she needs to feel now and thatās not ok.
I too was a young mum. Had my son at 15 and his nearly 14 now. I was your daughter. Too scared to tell my mum I had sex, then her reaction made me regret everything. Looking back at it. I was forced into being disappointed in my actions because of her reaction.
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Your way over reacting and in the end this is going to hurt your relationship with your daughter. Sheās going to feel like she canāt come to you for help or guidance in different situations because you will be angry and overreact again. As long as your daughter understands safe sex and consent then itās not even your business at that point much less her step fathers. I would help her get birth control if she feels she may want to protect herself but it sounds as if she feels bad about it and your making it worse on her.
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If sheās going to do adult things, she should be adult enough to tell the most important people in her lifeā¦ If sheās pregnant, it wont be a secret for long.
Telling mommy u started your period or how you like a boy at school are petty little things that are fine to keep āsecretā so she feels comfortable talking to you in the future but some things are more important than hurting her little feelings because daddy finds out. If mom can keep that a secret, what else is she willing to keep secret??? Thats not okā¦ I know someone that kept all secrets for the daughter from dadā¦ All she did was allow her to go and make more mistakes because she knew mommy would āsaveā her or ācoverā for herā¦
Well, you can have all the sex talks you want but sheās going to do what she wants regardless. I would be happy that she told you at all because she couldāve lied and just not have told you. 
Also no, itās not something you need to tell your husband I mean you can if you want but itās not something that everyone and their brother needs to know, she trusted you enough to tell you and you should respect that. If you overreact she may not tell you things anymore. You can be disappointed but you canāt be mad at her. And if she cared enough to tel you she had sex then I am sure she didnāt lie about using protection, I wouldnāt make her take a pregnancy test I think itās unnecessary unless she was late for her period. I do think taking her to a OBGYN is great though, if sheās sexually active then she should get on birth control. Iām sure itās tough to hear but again you canāt control her because she will only go behind your back. Good luck!
Have a family meeting and allow her to come out and tell dad on her own but if she doesntā¦ Lay it out for him! Everything is about hurting peoples feelings these daysā¦ Smh. This is why the world is the way it is. Do not be afraid to hurt her feelings!!! She WILL THANK YOU later!
Thatās her person business if she wants her father to know she will tell him. Set her up a doctor appointment and get birth control. Every parent knows what teens do, responsible parents make sure their kids are being smart an using protection. You tell her dad an your closing a door of trust your gonna want opened.
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Thatās her personal business, she didnāt even have to tell you. Donāt put her business out there.
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Iām confused as to why you would need to tell your husband or her father tbh. She had sex, your both dealing with it together, it shouldnāt have to be public knowledge. If sheās pregnant, then obviously there will have to be a conversation with the relevant people, but if she isnāt pregnant then I donāt think itās anyone elseās business. If your daughter wants to tell her father (which I doubt), then it should be up to her to tell him
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He doesnāt need to know unless she says itās ok. Discuss with her. If she doesnāt want him to know, he doesnāt need to, unless sheās pregnant or has an STD. My advice, get tested for pregnancy. Get tested for STDs (seriously, do this). Take her to her PCP so they can talk to her about sex/what to look out for. Talk to her about CONSENSUAL sex. She needs to know that she can take back consent at any time, and so can her partner, so if anything goes further after someone says to stop (or seems like they donāt even want it to happen), itās rape. Make sure she has condoms available if you even suspect she will do it again (which Iām sure she will if she still has a partner). Also, the PCP needs to discuss birth control options. Discuss it with her and make sure yāall look up the side effects so that she understands what she is taking if she takes BC.
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Thatās a tough one, Iām kinda on the fence about itā¦ Did she confide in you? Or did you find out then confront her about it?
-If she confided in you I would definitely talk to her first about telling dadā¦
-If she hid it and lied about it. Dad needs to know that sheās sneaking around and lying.
But then again, either way, you and Dad need to be on the same page about your children. Personally, I donāt like to hold information from my husband especially about our childrenā¦
(āDad=dad that stepped up, sperm donor doesnāt deserve title of āDadā IF he isnāt involved at all, IMO)
You should be happy she told u inside of keeping it a secret and possibly ending up pregnant! Shes a teenager as a parent no one wants to think about there little babies growing up and having sex. We want to see them as babies forever since in our eyes they always will be no matter how old they are,but the allotment truth is shes gonna do it if you want to accept it or not. I wouldnāt offer up her personal sex life to your husband since hes not her bio dad without talking to her first id encourage her to tell him the truth on her own as to not break her trust but eventually if she doesnt its not like hes not gonna figure it out so at some point you should probably tell him but it would be better in my opinion if she told him if she truly thinks of him as her father just my opinion though. As for the pregnancy test wait and see if she even misses a period first before freaking her out but id make a appointment to get her std testing and birth control asap. Make it clear that its not you giving her permission as you wish sheād refrain from having sexual relations but that you rather her be protected just in case because at the end of the day it is her body and her choice you can try and prevent her from having chances as much as possible but if she truly wants to do it she will find a way to.
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No not unless sheās pregnant or there was alarming concerns in that area there is zero reason too. She trusted you donāt lose that momma 
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If the step father is good enough to be a father to her in every other way then he should also know this information. Should he discuss it with her no. Should you call her bio dad who isnāt in her life no.
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Iām gonna have to say no donāt tell him. My daughters confided a lot in me over the course of teen years & still do. I never told their father anything unless it was ok with them first.
The only things I told him about was things such as sneaking out etc so he could help in a punishment.
Honestly no fathers want to think about their daughters having sex let alone hear about it.
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Personally I think you should only tell him if you are too. And rather than being mad, be supportive. Sex as a teenager happens. Make sure she knows she can come to you
Its nobody elseās business
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Personally went through this. Her ādadā nor step dad need to know unless she wants them to know. Itās her business and she was able to tell you the truth and thatās what you need to be thankful for. There are so many young girls that donāt want to open up to their parents/mom for this very reason. So then they hide more and more. Donāt have to tell everyone, keep that secret so itās a bond with her. So she knows she can trust you. She told you for a reason, donāt lose her trust. She made a mistake, something weāve all done. I was a teen Mom too. I stressed it to my daughter and my boys. But at some point theyāre gonna try it. Just be there for her & get her on protection and encourage her to be smart and sheāll do that. You got to trust and believe her. Like i tell my daughter, if you tell the truth the first time the more I trust you. If you got to lie and hide something Iām going to be more upset when I find out. Iām not saying she should or can have sex, but if you have that relationship that she can tell you everythingā¦sheāll feel more opted to not do it.
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Itās absolutely his businessā¦ if he has been willing to step up and be a father to her then he has every right to know what goes on with āhis daughterā itās absolutely absurd to keep something like this from him. Iād be furious if my husband knew something about our children and kept it from me. Doesnāt mean he has to confront her or anything as of course you donāt want to embarrass her or make her not want to trust you.
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My man would be mortified if I shared that kind of knowledge about our daughter.
If you tell dad itās going to break her trust with you I would let her tell him if she wants to, of course this does depend on her age.
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Heās not in her life, so itās not his business
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No he doesnt need to know that. I would put her on birth control pills.
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put her on bc I put mine in shot!
I donāt think so. But me personally, if it was a rule she kept breaking, I would bring it up to my husband (or her father) on how to enforce the rule more strictly. But since you said her father isnāt involved in her life, I would leave him out of the situation.
Some things need to stay between Daughter and Mother.
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You definitely over reacted, if it was consensual and she used contraception then why buy a pregnancy test?
She didint need to tell you?
She wanted to tell you, now youāre just making her feel uncomfortable and probably made her feel disgusted with her own body.
The father doesnāt need to know, unless she is infact pregnant.
Just be happy she told you,
Just take her to the doctor to be put a contraception pill.
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Im assuming youāre talking about telling your HUSBAND. Not her bio dad? I think if youāre parenting with someone daily, there shouldnāt be secrets regarding the children youāre raising together. If he treats her like his daughter, and her bio dad isnāt in her life, then as far as Iām concerned, he is her dad. I think dads are in the BEST position to offer advice from a different perspective. I would never rob my husband of that chance. If my husband kept something like this from me, Iād be pissed. Secrets donāt do anything to build a family. It doesnt matter what relationship the secret keeper is to the secret hider. If it has the possibility of affecting your family in any shape or form, it needs to be discussed and addressed as such.
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Yes he should know what if something happens he needs all info shared if she is on birth control extra this is his rt no he should not talk to her she will be mortified
If this man has stepped up in ur childs life as a father by all means he should be made aware of the situation. It aināt about breaking ur daughters trust itās about good parenting and she needs to sit down with the both of you and have a talk so that she can see and u understand from both sides the advice and concern yall want to share with her and it also gives her the opportunity to ask questions that as a woman you may not have the answers to bcuz u r not a man
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That is up to your daughter. She trusted in you and honestly I donāt think he needs to know about that part of her life. If she wants to tell him thatās up to her.
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My dad wasnāt in my life. My mom got the randIām text every once in a while. Never remembered how old I was etc. when I was 26, I was pregnant. My mom told him and I didnāt hear a single word. He tried a couple times to be involved just to be a better dad but this time I was 28 and couldnāt really fit in the time frame he said he was available to have lunch once in a while. I havenāt heard from him in a while and he even called me by the wrong last name last time he text me. Donāt even try to involve him. Itāll make things worse for her. I promise. Iām better off with the man who stepped up to take care of me and adopt me 2 years ago. That man that took me in as an adult deserves to know me and his grandson, not the man whoās not involved.
This is an age where trust can be broken, if I confide in you about having intercourse, that belongs to just us. Her place to tell. Good for you mamaā¤ļø
Not the fathers business, unless heās a major part of her life. Then my answer may change.
No! If she wants to tell him that Is her choice, but if you tell him without her permission you will ruin any chance of her being open with you in the future!
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Birth control time. Xx
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I understand the concern, but sheās probably not gonna stop having sex, unfortunately. Just get her on birth control. You want her to be safe if sheās going to do it so make sure she understands to use condoms as well. As far as mentioning to ādadāā¦ i would just keep it between you two.
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If she wants to keep that a secret thatās up to her.
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From your description of your husband he sounds like the father you would have chosen for herā¦he needs to know so that you and your daughter have his support and perhaps another perspective. We as Moms can be a little tough at first - my Dad was my soft spot to land. Give them both that gift. God bless. 
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Only right father knows, but do right by her and work as a team, a FAMILY
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That needs to stay between Mother & daughter!
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Personally my husband and I take things as a team, I feel like it really depends on what type of relationship the two of you have and what kind of relationship him & her have. If all three of you are close Iād tell him and you all talk. If not then leave it at you and your daughter.
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If this man is like a father to her and does everything for her, why wouldnāt you tell him? Heās good enough to be a dad figure but not good enough to tell him this? I would be hurt if the roles were reversed. Just because he knows, doesnāt mean you have to tell her he knows. This situation is something you should talk through with him. He might have good advice to offer. Yes having trust with your children is important. But so is having a marriage with communication, especially about something with your kids. Hypothetically, she ends up pregnant, and he asked if you knew, are you going to lie to him then? If he finds out you kept it from him, he might be upset. Her choices could possibly effect his life too and keeping it from him is a bad idea.
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Noā¦its up to her who knows that very personal informationā¦not you
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You need to talk to her about it. Ask her if sheās ready to tell him about it. If you break her trust and tell him yourself then she will never ever tell you anything again and then youāll have even bigger issues. Ik itās shocking but I donāt think you should be disappointed in her or angry with her. She came to you and told you which is more than most teenagers would do. Ik when I started having sex the LAST person I was about to tell was my mom bc Ik sheād overreact and sheād tell my grandma and in turn the entire county would find out about it 
If you got a gray with her I think you should sit down with her and explain that youāre not necessarily mad and youāre sorry if you upset her in any way. Thereās no way to stop her from having sex so the best thing you can do is make sure sheās on birth control or has a supply of condoms. People always think that by doing that then youāre encouraging her to have sex but thatās not the case. Youāre just making sure she stays safe bc you know thereās no way for you to stop her.
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Just voice your concerns with him about you being worried about her teenage years and your daughters choices and maybe about birth control. Other than that leave the secret itself between mama and daughter.
Thatās up to you and you alone. Personally, I would talk to my husband about it just because he is my best friend and we talk to each other about everything. So itās how you feel about it.
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If she wouldāve told him wouldnt u want him to tell u?
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If sheās over 14 its noones business
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Itās none of his business! That would be a complete breach of trust for you to tell him and you can be sure she will never be honest with you again because she will have absolutely no trust in you. 
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If he was in her life absolutely, if not, nah . Keep ur daughters trust. Whats he gonna do anyway?
Honestly, heād probably rather not know and it would just make her never want to tell you anything else. Iāve raised a house full of girls and Iām speaking from experience in this situation.
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As someone who is a young mom and also went through this when I was younger. Yes you should tell your partner stuff but for this, she felt like she could come to you. If you tell him and he reacts to it then she wont trust you to come to you again about it. Just tell her when shes ready she should tell him too. Leave the choice up to her as its her body and emotions. If she ends up not feeling comfortable enough to talk to him about it. So be it. She came to you. Donāt abuse that trust. If she felt comfortable enough to tell you weither she lied about it at first or not, take that as a win.
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I donāt think itās any of his business. If she wants to, sheāll tell him which i doubt. As for her you should get her nexplanon. Just to make sure she does not end up pregnant young.
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I wouldnāt say he has a RIGHT to knowā¦ but I do think telling him would be the responsible thing to do. Yāall have agreed to raise her TOGETHER. The fact that she is now sexually active is something both parents need to AT THE VERY LEAST be aware of. A sexually active teenager needs to be monitored just a little bit closer in certain situations. I would talk to your daughter and explain to her the predicament you feel like youāre in and ask her what information she minds being shared. He doesnāt need to know all the details but I think he should be kept in the loop. But I wouldnāt do so behind your daughters backā¦ also, if situations like this are met with compassion and understanding instead of anger and disappointment, they tend to make relationships stronger vs creating resentment and mistrust
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Please stop telling her you donāt want āthat lifeā for her. You are making her feel like a mistake.
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Not to be morbid, but what if something was to happen to you. Then she has to find a way to tell him that this has been going on for so long behind his back without you there while emotions are raw. (So she can continue birth control). I pray nothing like that ever happens, just throwing out a scenario.
Yes I second this. My mom told me after she found out she wouldnāt tell my dad. And then she did. And then they both freaked out and made my life hell and wouldnāt let me see my boyfriend who was also one of my best friends since I was in 7th grade. This happened my senior year of high school! I had been dating him 3 years. It was traumatic being told she wouldnāt tell him and then she broke my trust and did and they both went psycho. Please do the complete opposite of that.
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Just look how you felt. Id hold it in for now and not mention it to him until you feel a better time comes up or you have time to process these feelings. Remember, sheās a growing girl and will be sexually active. Your job is not to make her feel ashamed but to equip her with knowledge and protection.
Also, making her take an unnecessary pregnancy test will just make things awkward. Just let her know to come to you and to let you know when her period hits. Trust her. Itās difficult when they grow up, but you must swallow the harder emotions.
Let this sit for now. Itās not hiding it from him, exactly, but just pausing it. She may also feel embarrassed if he finds out. Take it step by step.
How can so many of you say itās not his business? 
Would it be the same if she told him and not her mother? What happens if she is pregnant? How you going to tell your husband that you just didnāt want him to know??? Plus you are teaching her itās ok not to be honest and open with both parentās! Iād be pissed if the shoe were on the other foot! Js
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Donāt tell him bc if she trusted u enough to tell u amd if she feels bad about it im sure it was very hard to tell u just being her mom and not wanting to disappoint u much less even though itās her step dad if they have a good father daughter relationship then she may not be ready to tell him and donāt wanna disappoint him either
I think he has a right to know
If you go and tell her father before sheās comfortable with him knowing whatās going on she may not trust you to come and talk to u about anything again.
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Personally, I would tell him, on a limited note, but thats just me, I canāt keep things from my other half - in saying that, I wholeheartedly understand why youāre torn
Somethings should be kept between mother and daughter. Itās uncomfortable as a daughter to know another man knows what you did at that age. Give yourself time to deal with your emotions about it, think about your daughter still trusting to confide in you again.
She felt like she could come to you, donāt ruin it by over reacting, just cover the basics, make sure she was safe, and go on.
He doesnāt need to be apart of the conversation in my opinion. Most men are grossed out about the conversation anyway 
I wouldnāt tell your husband unless she turns up pregnant. You have talked with her about sex.
So are you planning on hiding a pregnancy from him as well if she is pregnant.
I wouldnāt keep it from him sinse he is her dod, a dad is someone who is there all the time, and itās ok to have more than one father, or mother,
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Yeah thatās not cool - my mother did this. I remember my Dad finding out about my boyfriend & I. We used protection. He went crazy and it put me into some deep teen depression. I was treated so differently. I wish my mother had kept that between us. I never really trusted her again. Iāll be 35, and we donāt really have a relationship.
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If dad isnāt really around then Iād wait til after you find out for sure if she is. If she is, then talk to her about telling him. If she isnāt, no need to tell him tbh.
No. You told her you would keep it private. Schedule a Dr.'s appointment. He can see if she is pregnant, then find the best, easiest birth control for her. Do not take a āIāll never do it againā, from her. Life is life.
I honestly wouldnāt tell him, how is her sex life his business if heās not in the picture?
Itās so sad that she regrets her first time. Talk to her about it properly, donāt get angry. Put her on some kind of birth control and keep things open and honest so that she knows she can always come to you
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Depends how old is she?.
No dont tell your daughter will not trust you if you do. He is barely in her life and does not deserve to hear something so private. Put her on the shot or something that she canāt āforgetā to take. So you know she will not get pregnant.
Wait till you know if shes not pregnant if not dont tell him
Yeah tell him if heās been supportive before he will be supportive all the way. You are all family you are in this together. Have him talk to the guys father.
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Not your secret to share. Even if sheās a teenager thatās her business and if she wanted to tell her dad she wouldāve. Really fucked up to tell your husband that.
I would ask your daughter how she feels about letting him know because it is her business. If she is pregnant you have to tell him but if she isnāt then yall need to go and talk about birth control with her dr. Its all about communication. Ask her about her feelings towards the whole situation.
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No tell him. Because to him she is his daughter biological or not.
I personally would tell him. He is her father, even a step. He will be asked to help take care of her if she gets pregnant. Besides keeping things from him will only hurt your relationship with him. She will have sex again even if you donāt think she will. Donāt wait until you have to tell your husband that he is to be a Grandpa and you knew it could happen.
I personally would tell him! Even though heās ājust step dadā he is still her father and has a right to know.
However I know not all people will feel the same as i do.
I say keep that between you and your daughter. If she wants to tell him that is her business. P p7
There are just some things a mother doesnāt share with others when their children confide in them. This is one of those things. If she wants others to know then she will tell him herself. Otherwise she just may start keeping things from the both of you
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How do you bring that up? Oh and our daughter had sex 
no. Honestly she trusted you with that information. And as a girlā¦ who had sex as a teenager. If I had trusted my mom with that and then she told my dad, or vice verse, I would be horrified and never tried her/him again
Only if your daughter wants to tell him herself. Like, get real.
I wouldnāt. Thatās a little tmi to me.
I know you arenāt asking this but a little adviceā¦ getting upset and going off isnāt going to make your daughter feel safe talking to you. Being upset and explaining why is one thing but leave it at that otherwise when she needs you the most she will be afraid to talk to you. Keep those communication lines open and be her safe place.
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If she chooses to tell him, then fine. But itās not your news to tell, unless, of course, sheās pregnant. My daughter had an open relationship with both of us, but he was her bio dad. But especially because your husband isnāt her bio dad I think youāre overstepping by telling him. Not only may she not want him to know, have you considered that it may not be info he would want to know either? Men donāt want to know all the stuff us women want to know.
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My dad thought I was a virgin until I was like 20ā¦and my mom was like āuh no that ship sailed a long time agoāā¦if your daughter confided in you I wouldnāt break that trust because next time she might not be so quick to do soā¦I say what he doesnāt know wonāt hurt him and sheāll tell him when she is ready
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I think of my daughter as my little best friend who I have been tasked with protecting. If my best friend told me something in confidence, I would tell no one. As long as I could still protect and care for her Iād let her tell her fathers when sheās ready.
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I wouldnāt tell anyone. Not a soul. If she decides to confide in someone else then more power to her, but it is her choice to make. My mom handled finding out that I had sex very well. Me and my boyfriend at the time sat down with our parents and they talked to us about it and then I chose to go on birth control because having a kid at a young age was not something I wanted. My mom wouldāve never forced me. Take this opportunity and carefully navigate it because it will lay the foundation for her telling you any personal information after this.
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