QUESTION:
"I just recently found out my teenage daughter had sex. She denied it at first but ended up telling me the truth. I got so angry, disappointed, worried ugh so many emotions all at once. She said it was a mistake and she regrets it.
I had had the sex talk with her before because I got pregnant with her at a very young age and don’t want that future for her. She did tell me they used protection, but at this point, IDK whether to believe it or not. Having said that, I now have to make an appointment to take her to see a doctor, and I have to go buy a home pregnancy test just to be sure she isn’t pregnant.
The thing is that her biological father isn’t even in the picture. They text one in a blue moon. I am married to an amazing man that does everything for her as a biological father would and see her as his daughter. I don’t want to keep this from him, but at the same time, I feel like it’s too much for me to share with him. What should I do?"
RELATED QUESTION: Can a 12-Year-Old For Sure Know Their Sexual Orientation?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“I don’t think it’s a fathers business… she trusted you enough and that’s where it should lie. If you’re educating her and she’s comfortable being honest with you, then she’ll tell him if she wants to. Most dads don’t want to know that and most little girls don’t want their daddy’s knowing that. It’s not your sex life it’s hers.”
“No, and honestly you should know this was coming one day. Your reaction is the reason she was reluctant to tell you. Be supportive of her and keep it between you.”
“Get her on birth control. Sex is normal, she has done it young. Can’t take it back but YOU can educate her on how to have safe sex and avoid pregnancies.”
“First of all, that is something private. I understand she’s a teenager but there’s no reason to tell her father or stepfather. As long as you know that she’s sexually active and are taking the proper precautions (which seems like you are) there’s no reason for him to know. It’s really none of his business and you’ll probably make her feel even more uncomfortable and embarrassed.”
“First, let’s stop reacting so negatively to something that’s so normal. If she regrets it, you should be making sure emotionally and mentally she is okay. If she hasn’t missed a period there’s no need to force her to take a test. Sure take her to the doctor and maybe put her on birth control if she wants but it’s her body. Let her make the decision. If she’s comfortable telling the stepdad then sure but if she’s not, that should be respected. It’s a personal thing to talk about.”
“I hate when parents decide they’re going to lose all trust in their kid for having sex. If she acknowledged it as being a mistake, why are you punishing her by treating her like she betrayed you? At the end of the day, sex is a personal choice. Get over it. And let her tell who she wants, when she wants.”
“I think who she wants to tell should be her own choice. If she wants either father figure to know she will let them know. Otherwise, it’s not their business to know. You’re doing the right thing about making an appointment and what not. Make sure to talk to her doctor about her birth control options.”
“Dads can live without knowing their teen’s sex life… Keep it between you and daughter.”
“If you tell him without her permission you are running the risk of her not trusting you anymore and then she won’t tell you anything… Some stuff is a mother-daughter conversation and this is one of them.”
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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:
he’s not even really in the picture. Why would you share something so personal with him? You will make her not trust you more!
