My daughter is a teen. I know shes going to have sex. I dont believe she has “yet” but I have her on birth control and gave them both condoms. I told them how to use them (showed them with a banana) and said STAY SAFE… She will tell me when shes ready but until they do the deed or shes comfy then I know as a mom, shes safe… My kids come to me for everything… Dont make her feel like she can’t talk to you or she will simply avoid you. Put her on B.C and buy her condoms. Tell her to be safe and keep it between you and her.
The way I read this you’re talking about your husband and not bio dad. Me personally I would sit and talk to your daughter about talking to your husband. Maybe all together. I know when I shared something private with my mom and she told my dad it took years for me to trust her and to go to her again.
Honestly I wouldn’t tell him. It’s honestly not his business. I would feel very happy that she even came to you, because I didn’t tell my mom I was having sex. Please don’t ruin this by overreacting. Definitely get her on birth control, buy condoms, and have a conversation about consent.
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It’s not your news to share. If you have physical and legal custody of her, he does not have a right to know
He needs to know. He has the same right you do to your underage daughter
If you want to tell him so you have support thry this, I understand and I would. BUT if he will go crazy and talk to her about it then I would not. She does not need that.
It’s not your news, it’s hers. She trusted you enough to come clean about losing her virginity. If you go and tell someone else, that will betray her trust. Try to remember what it was like for you at that age. Many of us had our first times as a teen. Most never even tell their parents.
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I would not tell either one!
Don’t even bother with the sperm donor. But her dad? Yeah I think he deserves to know. Maybe tell him but make sure he knows not to go to her about it, ya know? All kids are gonna say they regret it and all that. I mean hell, I was 17 & pregnant so I understand. It’s just what we think is gonna make the situation better🤷🏼♀️
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Hell no! My father still thinks I’m a virgin and I’m married with 3 kids lmfao but really that should be kept between you and her. If he finds out you’ll ruin his baby girl for him and your trust with her
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Let your daughter make the decision. If she’s old enough to decide whether or not she can have sex. She’s old enough to decide whether or not to tell her boo dad something or not.
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Well… Depends on your relationship with your daughter. She trust you to tell you. She may feel like you betrayed her and she may not tell you anything again…Than again, your husband seems like your rock, and you sound like you want to unburden this to him…Maybe, have a mother and daughter talk and ask her if it is okay to discuss this with your husband. He may have a different perspective. He may be both you and your daughter’s solace.
Dads dont need to know everything if she was pregnant then yes but she said she isnt (Always good to make sure because you can never know) put her on birth controll my mom did that before i even had sex and i had sex at 18 so i I woukd do that to cover your bases as extra protection and the best advice i can give is it will probably happen again teens always find a way so just keep that in the back of your mind just remind her that protection is a must and have her do research on how much babys cost im so serious i took a child development class one yr in high school and they teach all of that and thats how i kinda opened my eyes some to the reality of having a baby if i ever got pregnant so yea i hope this helps and i I hope everything works out for both of you
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I would deal with it as her mom and do all that you said, and get her on some birth control!
She is becoming a woman, if she feels he needs to know, let her talk to him. If you are going to tell him at least ask her if she would be okay with it.
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Do not tell her dad ! She will never trust you again and like you said her dad’s not really in the picture to offen if your daughter wants to tell him that’s her business
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I feel like he should know. If she does come back pregnant, it’s going to be a double shock if he doesn’t even know she’s sexually active. I think this needs to be a private conversation…and ifk how old your daughter is but you definitely need to educate and make sure she knows of all the oppsies that could happen even if she does use protection…
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My husband gets uncomfortable if I mention taking our teen daughters to buy female products of any kind. As a parent you know at some point your child will have sex. I would not tell him but I would have a conversation to educate her and discuss prevention for the future. It does not sound like she is going to be promiscuous at the moment but she needs to know all options. Telling him may break the little trust you have.
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What?? No, absolutely NOT, leave him out of the conversation. She’s becoming a young woman & doesn’t need the whole family up in this; JUST her Mum.
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If hes taking on the role of her dad he has the right to know. It may be uncomfortable for everyone but thats his daughter too.
He is her daddy and he needs to know
She doesn’t need the whole family in her business I think some things should be just mom and daughter sex is one of them it’s to personal in my opinion he doesn’t need to know about it
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Ask your daughter how she feels about him knowing … whatever she says go with it now she has opened up to you the last thing you want is for the trust to be broken and her to stop being open and telling you these things because you will tell dad let her confide in you thats enough
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You’re lucky she told you that means trust don’t ruin it if she’s pregnant then yes fair enough otherwise no.
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I didn’t tell my mum when I first had sex until she found out many years later.
Its none of his business.
And beyond your responsibility to keep her safe (i.e. stocked with condoms and aware she never has to do it if she doesn’t want to) its none of yours either.
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If bio dad isnt in her life… why tell him something personal about her and potentially ruin your relationship your daughter
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Don’t paint yourself onto her. She had sex and used protection and you want her to do a test and see a Dr? If she’s over the age of consent why are you acting so surprised and upset? Why should she be pregnant?
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Well I woukd wait for a reason to believe she is pregnant before having her tested. Then get her on birth control and talk to her about being safe (and not just to prevent pregnancy). I don’t see a reason to involve father in the situation unless she is comfortable doing so.
Unless her health and well-being is in direct danger (you feel she was raped, being molested, groomed, abused, or taken advantage of) then there’s no reason for you to tell her stepfather about her sexual activity especially if she trusted you enough to open up about it. Talk with her about birth control (all forms not just the ones you agree with) as well as taking her to her a check up for any possible diseases. Wait until at least 14 days after sexual activity for any type of pregnancy test though waiting until period date is ideal
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I think it’s a very personal female only situation and sounds as if your decisions about it all are sound.
It would only embarrass her and cause conflict between the two of you, if shared with anyone actually.
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I think you need his support, and your daughter does not have to know you discussed it with him. Perhaps his awareness might put him in a position where he would be able to get her to confide in him as well.
Nope I wouldn’t let her tell him in HER time she chose to tell you in confidence DON’T break the trust between you
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Im on the fence with this… On one hand i see you wanting to share with him… On the other its very personal and you dont want to break that trust… Personally i think id keep it between us unless something happens where he NEEDS to know… If you do tell him you better make sure he doesnt let her know or youre going to break that trust she had in you.
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You don’t keep things from your husband, especially if he’s basically her father in all the ways that matter. He has right to know what’s going on with his child and secrets between spouses only lead to problems.
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If you tell him, she will never trust you again, ever!
I don’t think it’s something a father should know.
I wouldn’t say that she had sex, but I would let him know that you are putting her on birth control. Most kids are stupid and will follow their heart and not their brain. And while you don’t approve or allow them to have sex it’s much better to make sure they understand safe sex and is on birth control herself just in case. Also make sure she understands what can cause birth control to fail.
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I don’t think dad’s want to know the details. They want to always have that image of their little girls being perfect. Don’t ruin it.
Honestly it’s her choice and tbh when I lost mine the last person I wanted to know was my dad u should look at it more like a mother daughter thing than leaving the father out because it is a big g moment that can define ur relationship
Get her on birth control stat.that doesnt mean you are giving her permission to have sex.it means you want her to be safe
If her bio dad isnt involved in her daily life why involve him in something so personal…that’s honestly not his business…you need to educate her be supportive and be there in a positive way and not a negative…degrading judgmental way…so she doesnt feel like she cant trust you…help her and educate her and protect her as far as birth control…safe sex and proper hygiene afterwards and that stuff but dont come at her in a hateful judgmental and degrading way…I know.its prob hard hearing your baby girl( even if she isnt technically a baby) doing such adults activities but this is where you step back and safly prepare and come at this in an adult way…adult to adult…but as far as her biological dad…no it’s not his business…if he isnt in her daily life and business then no he has no business in her personal life esp with such a sensitive…and knew…and delicate topic…I think you involving step dad…the man that’s been there as a father yea that I understand and believe he should also be involved in poss educating her on sex of behalf of a mans point but that’s about it…and that’s only if you talk with her and she is ok with him knowing and hearing his advice if not I think it’s best for you to back off…respect what she wants and help and educate her to have a healthy…safe sex life even if she thinks it’s not something she will do again it’s best for her to know things and be prepared for the poss in the future and it’s your job to help her be safe…and also healthy and prevent anything if poss…dont shame her…be a person she can trust and turn to…sex is her choice…its your job to educate…
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Well did you say he is not actually in the picture I would think it should be a private matter between mother and daughter! Think how she must feel
Secret will kill any relationship
Thank God for 2 sons!
As a female who went through this…I dont think the father even has a right to know unless she wants to tell him or she ends up pregnant.
This is a private thing and should be kept that way. There is literally no reason for the father to know.
I had sex at a young age and if my mother told my father I would be livid.
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I would tell him. He is your husband and you are parenting together and sometimes a discussion from a male perspective might help your daughter.
I think if you don’t tell him, it will be a wedge between you when he finds out , which he will.
Yes, he should know. Parenting is a partnership. And when a stepparent had a commitment to a child that they don’t have an obligation to and it’s going well(as we know it often doesn’t) why would one keep secrets about the children and cause potential conflict if/when he found out otherwise? It’s absolutely a dads job to know what is going on with his kids.
I would tell him… Because if he finds out later it might cause problems between y’all and it will also make him feel as if he wasn’t her father. My husband is not my children’s bio father but he is the only father the have and he doesn’t treat them any different and I discuss everything about our children with him.
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Honestly honey, your daughter may not fully understand the concept of what she has chosen to do. But if the man that you’ve married loves her as his daughter, I imagine he would want to be part in taking care of her. Making sure she is okay, and being a part of whatever the future holds for her, pregnant or not. And for you mama, explaining that you’ve gone through the situation of having to grow up so young so fast, you will know how to guide her and help her every step of the way as she goes through these uncertain times.
I would tell him. Hes her father
If the situation were reversed, would you want to know?
Also think- if her choice to have sex resulted in a baby- he would have to help her same as you- so this would effect him if she is pregnant.
I would have your daughter tell him. Aside from the the fact she might get pregnant, having sexual relations is medically relevant. If your husband is responsible for her at all- he needs to know
Keep it between you and your daughter. Do not risk breaking a confidence with her or she will end up getting pregnant [in secret] Show her your love and support and do not judge…but tell her how precious she is to you.
There are certain things that are none of his business. This is one of those things. Why do you feel like he needs to know? Putting her on protection is the first step. I’m not sure of her age but I can tell you that it may change their relationship if he knew.
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I went through something like this and the best thing my mom did for me was take me to planned parenthood and get me birth control. I didn’t continue to have sex but her trust and keeping it between us and not telling my dad was the best thing. And my dad honestly wouldn’t have wanted to know unless it was something absolutely horrible and he needed to.
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Keep it to yourself and put her on the pill. Both of my daughters got pregnant in high school. One was 15 for god’s sake. Needless to say, once that baby came, she wasn’t interested and my husband and I had to raise him. She couldn’t finish school so has no high school diploma. My other daughter was 17 and a senior. At that point, we had moved counties and the school had a program for pregnant students. They actually sent a tutor and she had all her testing at home. She was lucky.
Getting upset about the same situation that you were years ago. Is hypocritical? I say have a talk with her and tell her how you feel. She lied to you because she probably was scared to tell you? Or she just wasn’t comfortable on telling you. We all made mistakes but now you tell her that since she is doing grown up things that she needs to be protected and give her options about the pills or other things.
I would tell him in confidence. Even of he may not want to know…
My 2 middles just had their sports physicals they are 16(girl) and 17(boy). I put my daughter on birth control mainly for regulating her period and lessening the pain from her cramps. Part of putting her on b.c. is a pregnancy test and her n my son got tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia. Which is now part of their teenage health screening because so many kids have unprotected sex an arent honest with their parents and less likely to notice any symptoms.
Be open and honest with her. Explain WHY you were angered. Remember it’s her body. Not yours to dictate how it’s used. She’s an individual. And educate her on ALL that has to do with sex. Clinics. Protection. Procedures. Babies. Vaginal health and self care. Teach her about the male body. Hormones and even love. If she can’t open up to you because she feels you’re judgmental and closed off & small minded, she’ll go elsewhere. Help you. Not punish her for using her body.
be lucky she came to you , you have no right to judge . Yes take her for birth control you have no control over who does what you can only educate yourself on it to educate her.
My question is why wouldn’t you tell him, her step dad, your husband? Your not telling us something. Is he abusive?
How would you feel if your man kept a secret from you regarding your child?
gusto ko sana mag comment pero puro english lahat… mag babasa nlan ako ng comment.
Why don’t you start with allowing your daughter to make her own choices instead of being a control freak??! YOUR mistakes - which, by the way, you indicated were HER - are NOT hers! Check your selfish attitude at the door and parent in a healthy way instead if thrusting your trauma onto this young woman!
Kicking off at her she’s just going to keep things from you and no I don’t think you need to tell her dad at all imo I think it’s something he doesn’t really need to no
Commission is lying.
I personally wouldn’t because then he will (if he hasn’t) start to look at the teenage girl as a sexual being and I don’t care how wonderful the man is, he is still a man who is not her biological father. Not a single mother in the world was prepared to admit that her husband (the step dad, the natural dad) was lusting over her child. All of them could never believe their husbands would sexually abuse their daughters and yet it has happened all over the world.
“She denied it at first but then admitted it” who told you? How did you find out? Your experiences are not your daughters experiences just because you got pregnant at a young age doesn’t make sex evil until you are a certain age. You don’t need to buy an at home pregnancy test because they will make her take one at the doctors if she’s going on birth control but don’t make her feel bad about this it’s a totally normal thing and if you treat it like it’s not she will have a negative connotation towards sex for a very long time. And as far as your actual question DONT TELL HER FATHER trust me he doesn’t want to know about his teenage daughters sex life and it’s none of his business it’s not really even yours.
100% agree with this advice. Just like some things stay between a man and wife or friends, this stays between mother and daughter 
How’d you feel if father and son kept secrets? If she’s so afraid to talk about it with him then she’s obviously not ready. As for none of the parents business that’s where you’re mistaken. As long as she’s a minor living in their house and they are providing for her then it is their business.
The man she calls dad should know and I’m sorry if no one agrees. You have no idea what will happen between her and the dude she lost her virginity to, he may turn into a psycho and you guys would be better off if someone stronger knew what led up to his crazy. Not to mention he is your partner first and for most and if you want secrets between you guys then I guess go for it. It shouldn’t leave the realm of the household but you had to pry it out of her, she didn’t tell you freely, hello she may have never told you until it was too late. I get you want that mother/daughter dynamic but not at the cost of mistrust in the marriage.
If you both are raising her together then you should definitely share it with him. Not including him can cause a divide in your marriage.
Various men?? As in the man who’s raised her as his own🤷🏻♀️