Should I Tell My Husband About This Sensitive Situation with My Daughter?

I would, but I would also make sure he doesn’t say anything to her.
She might have told you thinking she can trust you. You want her to be comfortable coming to you with important things.
I have boys, so it’s a hard question for me to answer because if my guys were girls I don’t know how if I’d tell him

3 Likes

I didn’t get her age. I must have missed it. I always have always educated my children on sex. Never made them feel it was wrong or dirty. I think you’re overreacting. Just calm down and remember she isn’t spoiled forever. You should ask her if it’s ok to discuss her sexual encounter with him. Would you feel comfortable having to tell your dad.

If they’re not close I don’t see the point in telling him. You did the right thing by having the talk. As scary and harsh as this sounds, we just have to raise our babies and hope they make the right choices. Sex is going to happen, as long as she is safe then that’s all that matters

1 Like

If she confided in you, I would keep it between you and her. Obviously she felt comfortable enough to talk to you about the situation. I wouldn’t rock that ship because she may not talk to you anymore. Teenagers are weird. Remember that we were all there at one point.

11 Likes

He doesnt need to know something like that.
Youre mom. Youre handling it.
If she decides to tell them thats fine, but you shouldn’t go talkin about business your teen daughter ACTUALLY confided in you with!

Like thats big mama.
You keep that girls trust!

1 Like

Was she safe? That’s all that matters honestly. Sex is a natural thing. As long as she makes sure her partner uses condoms and they’re open about intentions then shes fine.
Dont shame them, dont be angry. Teach her safe sex practices and let her do her thing.

1 Like

realistically no neither one of those men need to know, you’re her mother take her to the Dr and educate her, don’t make her ashamed of natural feelings. News flash teenagers have sex help educate her and keep this to the two of you

3 Likes

You should tell him and he should then keep quite about it and let you handle it. In a few months he should begin piping in his male perspective as though he is ignorant. It takes a village but you need her to trust you.

5 Likes

That is private information that belongs to your daughter, be glad she told you, and leave the choice to tell her father up to her, it’s her business not yours.

20 Likes

This isn’t his business. And frankly, your daughter told you the truth. You going and making her take a pregnancy test is just going to make her never tell you anything ever again. Same with telling her stepfather.

5 Likes

Talk to her and ask her if this is something she wants to share with her dad. He may be understanding or he may not. But it’s got to be her choice.

2 Likes

That should be up to your daughter. And it’s her sex life. I’m glad you are getting her to a doctor.

7 Likes

i would not tell him, that will make it harder for her to come to you in the future…if she wanted him to know she would tell him

2 Likes

I confided in my mom when i lost my V-card… she turned around and told my dad. My dad yelled at me, called me horrible names, and grounded me. I didnt confide in my mom after that. I couldnt trust her enough to share my issues or concerns. I still loved her with all my heart. I wish she was still alive today so i could talk to her now…

Yall she is talking about her husband she is married to now . I would tell him if he is being a father to her since her real father is not in the picture because it could cause problems in your marriage because he is going want to know why you are keeping him out of things like this if he is help raising her

15 Likes

That’s your daughters business not his nor anyone else’s. Make sure she’s protected and leave it at that. She was obviously already embarrassed to talk to you about it so why add more fuel to it. Make sure you’re making her feel like you’re a safe place to talk too not someone she has to lie and hide it from. It sucked dealing with that as a teenager and what girl wants their dad knowing that kind of business???

4 Likes

It’s your daughters choice to tell him. It’s her personal buisness. If she was pregnant and required financial supports from him for the baby then yes you can tell him. Otherwise it’s her privacy being invaded . Same way if you had sex would you want someone you told to tell others without your consent

Probably an unpopular opinion but I don’t think it’s any of his business. More often than not, teens are going to have sex. Making sure she is protected is the best thing you can do, without shaming her. Deff get her on birth control.

42 Likes

I’m divorced as well and my daughters father same thing barely even calls. But my current hubby has been there since she was 2 and she is now 13. He’s been the one at games, thru the 1st BF. Thru her first break up, to father daughters dances he pays for all her needs and loves her just as he loves our son and his daughter as well. There are things thats transpired this year with her but I didn’t share them with the bio father bc 1. He is never there for anything so why tell him the bad and 2. She knows she made a mistake and she shouldn’t have to keep reliving it especially when she already feels so guilty so I made the decision with my husband that we keep it between us. She hasn’t had sex yet but we have had the talk and we talk alot about teenage stuff that needs to be addressed bc i want her to know she can always come to me with anything and we will get thru it together. My advice don’t tell the bio father if he is that absentee

1 Like

I know its hard, but let her choose to say something- no different than her coming to you. I did the same thing, I was young and dumb and I lied about it until I finally couldn’t and went to my mom. I asked her not to say anything to my dad until I was ready because I knew how he would react and at the time I couldn’t handle that.
My dad found out about a year later after my yearly appointment for my BC (I was on it for my irregular period/flow - not because of sex)
My doctor had put some condoms in my paper bag with my refills, because you know you gotta tell them… My dad found it… luckily I had been past the point of scared and old enough to explain and he didn’t totally freak out.
Everyone’s experience is different, but she is old enough to chose who and when she wants to discuss something like this. You have to trust in her that she is being smart and making the right choices like you’ve tried to teach her to do…
Good luck, I hope this helps!

1 Like

Upset with her yes but she come to you it’s a natural thing we all go throught why not trust her she didn’t have to tell you she trusted you why in hell would you want to tell you’re husband or her biological father even. If she wanted them to know she would off went to them suck it up be a understanding motherrespect your daughter

1 Like

Guys she’s asking if her husband should know since he’s been in the picture as her “dad”, she didn’t ask about the sperm donor biological father. However I agree, I wouldn’t tell at least at first, should be up to your daughter as well.

1 Like

My husband is a step dad to my daughter. We never keep anything from each other about the kids. When I do tell him something personal he makes sure to never bring it up or ask her about it unless she mentions something to him about it. I tell him everything so he knows what’s going on with the kids but he won’t even bring it up to make them uncomfortable.

1 Like

Well, getting angry was YOUR first mistake! We can’t be getting angry when our children decide to make that decision on their own. That’s why she lied to begin with. You’ve made her afraid of you! Now when something bad does happen she’s never going to trust her mom enough to tell her (mistake #2) her telling you she regrets it is her own lie and you should make her feel it’s not a regrettable decision but it’s an adult decision that she should be making with a clear mind so that she can one day enjoy sex because (news flash) it’s supposed to be enjoyed. Don’t give your children the misconception that sex is something to be ashamed of! You need to educate her more if you feel she doesn’t know enough. But if she’s using protection you’ve done pretty well with education. Your husband doesn’t need to know at all. That’s none of his business. The only time a father/step father needs to know his daughter had sex is the day she tells him she’s pregnant :woman_shrugging:t2: AND a home pregnancy test??? Are you kidding? Bring her to the doctor for birth control and let them do that. Don’t continue to embarrass and shame her at home

28 Likes

I wouldn’t. It’s not his business or concern. Especially if he isn’t even in the picture.

2 Likes

So I only have boys so with that being said they will more than likely go to their dad about having sex and when they start to have sex I think I would like to know about it regardless if it’s my business or not but that’s my opinion

1 Like

She told you keep it to yourself she will tell her dad when she is ready shes probably embarrassed and didnt even really want to say anything but she tusts you to help her not make her feel more embarrassed about it
dont tell her dad unless she says its okay

No you shouldn’t tell him, what for really? She told you as her mom and says she regrets it. I don’t think it’s something for you to go and tell her step dad. If I were in her shoes I’d be really uncomfortable after that…

2 Likes

I wouldn’t say anything to him, they have sex, and it might not even be her first time, tell her the risks, the importance of safe sex, i wouldn’t run out and get a test, relax mom, just be there for her,it happens

I think your daughter has the right to choose who she tells about it… it’s not something yours to be talking about; it’s hers. Let her decide if she wants and has the confidence to tell your husband. Or she might just tell you to tell him :woman_shrugging:t4:

She put her trust in you when she decided to tell you it’s not your story to tell it’s hers on her terms it was her decision to the side when and where to do it it’s got to be her decision to decide who she tells you did it

My mom told my dad after I told her and my dad went over to his house and sat in his driveway waiting on him to come home. Luckily he left before the guy got back. It was very traumatic though.

I don’t think he needs to actually know unless sometime is wrong. My mom kept it from my dad because I asked. And I didn’t want my dad to know.

I would let your daughter make the choice on who to tell.

2 Likes

Don’t get mad about it! However do always educate your kids about health and being safe!

1 Like

It’s no ones business but hers and yes, she decided to share it with you BUT it’s none of her dads, or any other family members business to know about it.

She trusted you with the information and if you want her to continue to trust you with stuff like this, earn it.

None of anyone’s business but hers… You informed her and are getting her to a doctor so good! Case closed :).

To answer your question how would you feel if it was the other way around? Where the other parent knew and you didn’t and he chose not to tell you? If you’d be okay with it then don’t tell him. If you wouldn’t then I think you should.

What happens in your house stays in your house.

If he ain’t in the picture why put him in the picture. He’s obviously out for a reason.
If she’s pregnant yeah. He needs to know but not her sexual life. That’s sacred. And I know I told my mama everything. Because she keeps it to herself.
I think you are doing the very right thing.
It’s private.
I always think about what I would want done. If you were in your daughters exact shoes what would you want?

I believe she does regret it. I think what’s done is done. Don’t make it bigger than it already is ya know?

Teenager is such broad name for kids 13 to 17. I didn’t she your daughters age posted nor the age of the other party involved. With this in mind, its hard to give advice on this subject due to the possible maturity level of a 17 year old verses a 13 year old. Either way I’m happy she feels safe enough to share this with her Mom. Let your daughter make the choice when she tells her Father. Mom, this sucks. I am sorry this happened. Don’t beat yourself up over this… I hope this situation will turn into a Daughter who can feel comfortable talking with her Mother about everything.

I mean if they don’t keep contact I wouldn’t see why to blast it, but if it were to come up, I would definitely say yes it happened but it was handled

1 Like

Ur daughter really trusted u with this. I won’t tell anyone and give her advice in a way she would understand that ur just worried for her and birth control is very important. She is a teen and I’m glad she shared this with u. One day if anything big happened and she wanted to share with u, she would be only able to if u keep this between u two.

If your daughter wants him to know she will tell him. Now if he asks you point blank is she having sex don’t lie about it! you could answer or tell him that is something he needs to discuss with your daughter. I just don’t think it is your information to share just randomly just for the sake of telling him.

1 Like

No, she confided in you! That is very private! XO Hang in there and teach, teach, teach… then is up to her to make choices. There is always morning after pill also! Deep breath, she is going to make her own choices and mistakes.

It’s not your decision weather or not to tell him it’s hers she spoke to you in confidence :smiley:

Don’t punish her for telling you the truth. She won’t ever come to you again.
Get her on birth control just Incase she continues to be sexually active. Better safe then sorry.

1 Like

I think it would be ok to keep it from him for a few weeks until she figures out how to tell him, but I try not to keep anything from my partner long term.

Why would you put her personal life on blast? If he not around he doesn’t need to know.

Omg don’t tell him… regardless of it being her “father” why does he HAVE to know what’s going on or what she did with her body.

Nope if he’s not really in the picture I wouldn’t worry about it

I never tell a married person anything if I dont want their spouse to know.

Put her on birth control and just tell your husband you don’t want any surprises

Guy you are not married to and isn’t in picture = who cares
Guy in the picture= I’d want to know and would be disappointed if my wife did not tell me.

Let your daughter tell your husband or if she would prefer you talk to him but it needs to be up to her on who she wants to know about it

Keep it between you and your daughter unless you are prepared for her to never tell you anything again and get her put on birth control.

It’s up to your daughter if she wants him to know she will tell him if you say anything you run the risk of her shutting down completely and not telling you anything else

If it was me I would tell my husband simply because we are a team. Anything that can potentially affect our kids needs to be discuss.

You’re making it to where your daughter won’t come to you about anything. Why would anyone else need to know? Why are you trying to go out to way to humiliate and embarrass your daughter?

She is trusting you with personal information. Telling him will do nothing but embarrass her and she will never tell you anything ever again.

Get her birth control and no it’s not his business enless she feels the need to tell him

You should never betray a confidence or she will never tell you anything else if she wants you to tell anyone she will let you know

No…if he isn’t around and in the picture then absolutely not…Why??? He is not around!!!

Some stuff that a daughter or a son share with either parent is and should be kept between the 2 of you.

No… you want to have your daughter’s trust? There will be many things that ONLY the two of you will know.

Keeping secrets from each other can come back and bite you on the Ass one Day

Don’t take her to get a pregnancy test before she even misses a period? I can see why she lied at first. It’s no ones business including yours sorry to say if she comes to you asks for birth control that’s one thing but forcing her to go get tested because she had sex once… doesn’t make ANY sense. There are public health clinics she can go to that are anonymous which I what I did when my mom freaked out for me asking for birth control before I was even sexually active. Definitely re assess how you reacted to this situation.

If she’s not pregnant and doesn’t have any stds i wouldn’t tell him. She trusted you enough to tell you and if you tell him she won’t tell you anything anymore.

Dont break her trust mom,my mom found out about me too didnt tell my dad and just got me on to a contraceptive, I know it sounds like yourl be promoting pre marital sex but rather safe then sorry

5 Likes

Did you tell your dad when you started your period cos I bloody didn’t. Pun intended :rofl:

Absolutely do not violate her trust

3 Likes

Teenager being how old exactly?

How would u feel if ur ex knew n wasnt planning on tellung u???

The biological dad, no. Your husband now, yes.

3 Likes

None of his business.

2 Likes

He doesn’t need to know at all it’s her business at the end of the day

if he is barely in the picture,then your answer is NO! you don’t need to tell him shit. that’s my opinion

1 Like

Some things are best to keep between mum and daughters.

1 Like

Its none of his business and I would talk to her about contraception she can get at the dr as condoms aren’t 100% and ask her if she would like to take a pregnancy test because if u force everything on her and treat her like she’s done something wrong then she’s going to be embarrassed and ashamed of something that is compleatly natural and making it so that she won’t feel she can come to you if anything goes wrong or if anyone forces themselves on her. U need to remember that u were doing it at a young age so u really have no argument against it u just need to keep her safe and let her know ur not angry just worried as she’s going to see you as being angry with her if u force the dr or pregnancy test

Both parent’s should be involved in this situation. You all have to decide how to move forward. And she needs the support of both her parents to do the right thing in the future.

3 Likes

No, she trusted you to know. Teens have sex all you can do is educate them

1 Like

I would tell him after all he’s been raising her as his own

I think it should just stay between you your daughter.

I wouldn’t tell him about it. It’s not his business.

If he cared he would be around so I’d say no

As shocking as it is, I would be focusing more on her relationship with the guy than the fact she had sex. Like how was it? Special? Pressured? Did it make the relationship better? Worse? Was it more of a one night stand or are there major feelings involved? How is she coping with the emotions of her experience and the aftermath? Is she ready to face the consequences of her decision and the possibility she could be a teen mom? If not, is she familiar with various methods of birth control?
I would schedule an exam with an ob, to make sure she’s healthy & discuss the options of birth control with pros/cons/side effects of each one, and just generally be super supportive. Let her know if she ever is late to let me know and ill buy her a test & be there to support her 100% no matter what it said.
Would i tell my husband? Yeah I would. Because he’s her dad and deserves to know she’s given her heart, soul & body to this relationship so this dude is super special to her. But I would also ask him to keep it 100% secret until she has the courage & confidence to tell him herself.
:woman_shrugging:

I wouldn’t tell him.

That’s your daughter’s choice to tell him or not

I was raised by my grandparents. When I got my first period at 10 years old, my granny told EVERYONE. I was MORTIFIED. So when I was raped at 12 years old by my friends 16 year old brother, I didn’t tell them. In fact, I was afraid to tell them ANYTHING about anything personal going on throughout my teenage years. My point is, its not YOUR place to tell her business. She will never trust u with her business again…

21 Likes

This is between you and her. Not the bio dad. Not immediate family members. Dont put her business out there like that. Has she given you a reason not to trust her when she says she used protection? If the answer is no, then trust her. If it turns out she lied, then that becomes your ground as far as trust goes. I think making sure she is informed, on birth control, seeing a doctor is a very smart and very wise move.

If she pregnant that’s her stupid behavior

I’d share it if I knew he’d keep it to himself

Are you kidding me? You’re her mother, she confided in you with that and I’m sure it took a lot for her to tell you. You don’t need to share that information with your husband.
Educate her, make sure she is protected, and tell her that if anything happens she can always come to you. Telling your husband could break that trust and could never be repaired.

9 Likes

Your daughter is not a little girl anymore, and you don’t have to tell her father anything about her personal life.

Honestly she did not even have to tell you, and if you go and start telling other people personal information about her she will likely stop telling you things.
I think taking your daughter to the doctor and getting her help on how to have safe sex is the smartest and best decision you can make. Sex is not a bad thing . Unsafe uninformed sex can be though.

86 Likes

I am so glad my daughter chose to tell me when she had sex. I’m not gonna lie but it hurt, alot! But we had a good loooong talk, never mentioned it to my ex or to anyone else. Thank God protection was used :pray: Had her checked by my gyn doc, started her on the pill & we came closer. If your husband had been the only father in her life, I would talk to her about telling him. If she don’t want to, then it’s not in your place to tell him. Don’t break the trust

2 Likes

Being someone who got yelled at for having sex at 16 I honestly wish I never told my mom. My mom freaked out, and we took me in to get on birth control. Once my dad knew about it he was upset but he didn’t yell at me for it cause he didn’t feel comfortable talking about it with me. If her dads not in the picture don’t tell him. It’s not his place to know if she wants to tell him that’s her choosing. At 16 legally she can make most medical decisions for herself including getting on birth control. The fact that she was scared to tell you and did was probably very hard for her in the first place. You reacted in a way that I wouldn’t with my child. If I had a daughter and she came to me and told
Me she had sex I would calmly sit down with her and talk about it and discuss birth control options and start getting other tests done as well.

2 Likes

this is exactly why i never go to my mom for anything and how i ended up getting pregnant at 14. it’s not your place to tell anyone about your daughter’s personal life ESPECIALLY her sex life and if you got pregnant at a young age you certainly shouldn’t be upset or angry with her for having sex because you did the same thing. that’s just being hypocritical and could make things worse. she trusted you enough to tell her something extremely personal, ahead of time before she has a pregnancy scare or an STD, and the way it sounds like you responded to it is going to push her away and teach her to never be open and honest with you about something like that again.

Keep it between y’all. He doesn’t need to know. At the end of the day that’s your daughter.

Tell him. He needs to know this.

Put her on birth control

Thats confidential for sure