20 year+ military wife here.
He cheated on deployment, straight up.
He had 8 months of “freedom” with no at home responsibility and no longer wants it.
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Honestly deployment is hard on both sides. He’s probably dealing with some stuff in his head and it takes time for them to adjust being back in the family setting and stuff. My husband was in the military and after deployments it’s an adjustment period even if they weren’t in an active combat setting. And it’s also a big adjustment when they get out of the military. Sending hugs and prayers your way!
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servicemen have a hard time adjusting He may be suffering from PSDT He may benefit from threrapy Call the local VA for info!
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He is trying to tell you something. You need to take the hint. Do not let the child grow up without a father.
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Have you considered he might be struggling with PTSD? Depending on where he was deployed to- & what he was doing- you maybe can’t imagine the hell some (a lot) of them live through. It isn’t easy on them. & just because they’re out of that environment physically doesn’t mean they are mentally. Just a thought.
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Tell him to go to counseling for himself and both of you for the marriage, if that fails… Probably leave so you can find your own happiness.
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It’s sooooo hard after deployment… he probably saw and did things that would be hard for you to comprehend. It always is so weird and hard when they return. And adjusting back into normal life is difficult.
Counseling would be good for you both. I wouldn’t throw in the towel unless it was the last resort.
Ultimately none of us strangers on Facebook can tell you what to do. You need to do whatever is best for you and your family.
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He has either cheated while deployed or he has been talking to someone else and wants to pursue a future with that person. Save yourself.
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Wake up he cheated on you and is deflecting his guilt onto you
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He’s either hiding something and cheating or something happened over there. Get some help and counseling revolving around possible PTSD and try to work it out first.
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His mental health is probably at an all time low……… get him therapy, particularly somebody who specializes in PTSD/veterans…… please before its too late. I’ve seen it fester in friends of mine who were deployed and it didn’t end well… he’s showing signs of withdrawal from family and not even looking at you… get him help. ASAP.
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Absolutely you throw in the towel girl…usually the first person to accuse their partner of cheating is doing it their self…its not worth the misery if you stay girl…run with your baby…good luck…
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The relationship was done before he left and leaving made him realize you aren’t the one. Let someone else deal with his shit
Was he over seas? if so he may be finding it hard being back home. It sounds crazy but they get use to being away and feel lost once they return. They don’t always realize they are struggling. But out side of that, start snooping and see what else could possibly be going on.
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I get people saying PTSD but the fact that he didn’t write or anything to you the time he was gone is odd.I get that he be busy but to go for 8 months and no contact at all not even to check on his child seems more like his heart was with someone else…
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My husband was army infantry, when he deployed and came back it was a whole new honeymoon. he communicated from iraq and Afghanistan many many times. I am sorry, but your husband doesn’t want this marriage ( in my opinion)
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Are you involved in a Bible believing church?
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Sorry to me sounds like he cheated and he’s just looking for someone to put the blame on walk away especially if he’s going to accuse you for no reason at all
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They have such a hard time getting back to reality. Don’t throw in the towel. As long as he doesn’t get very mean or violent he’s dealing. Just be his support system, not just material wise. Ik it’s rough on you but imagine what he just lived in for that time, you wouldn’t be you either. He needs therapy if he isn’t already in it to deal.
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Leave. If he’s already accused you of bullshit he’s never going to stop. Things only get worse from there.
Of course you don’t throw in the towel. This is part of the “for better or for worse” times. He just came back home from deployment. Any number of things could be weighing on him. He needs you. Seek out support for military spouses.
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You guys need some serious counseling. They’re never to busy on deployment to send an email or FaceTime. If anything they’re extremely bored. I’m worried he fell into online dating apps to fill his time and started to believe things would be better single. Get to the bottom of your marital issues.
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you did your best dear. you said it started before he left so i would say end it now. start a new life, you are better than to have to live a miserable life with some one who doesn’t want to do his part. your baby is young enough he will probably be the better for it if his parents dont make a war out of the split. there are other good men out there . dont stay in an unwanted relationship.
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Hmmm… he may be accusing you because he was the one being unfaithful. Just sayin’ by him saying “we will work it out” and then leaves and stays with friends? Like is he actually staying with friends? He’s giving you a false narrative sorry girl. I think there’s something else going on!! Goodluck
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I would back away let him have his mom and friends
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Service personnel if they have been on deployment
Often have trouble re-adjusting to home life especially if they have been away for quite a while
And it’s quite possible
If he was on deployment to another country
He may have seen a lot of horrible stuff
And therefore he may have ptsd and doesn’t think he can talk to anyone apart from his unit
I would speak to his commanding officer in reguards to some counciloring
Your not alone when it comes to this
Many defense force spouses feel this
Is there a base family liaison officer that can work with you
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More than likely he had, or is, having an affair. Even if he’s not, or hasn’t, this isn’t ok. He can’t once call or email while deployed? No. Doesn’t tell you he’s coming home and is “numb”. No. Even if he has ptsd, by the sounds of it, it’s going to get worse. You’re not there to save him. You’re there to be his partner, but you can’t be a partner to someone who’s not participating.
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Someone might have gotten in his head. It’s very common for jaded military members to put it in others heads that they’re being cheated on, because they were hurt therefore it must happen to others. Y’all need to communicate and see where the trust and bond went. It’s somewhere y’all just gotta be willing to find it together. It’s you 2 vs the problem, not you 2 vs each other.
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You should leave ,you child is not use to him being there if he loves you he will show it if not you are better off,something is definitely wrong, find out what it is
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Jump and run as fast as you can from Mr manby pamby.
He made a family along with you. If he is willing to walk away from that, you should run and take care of yourself and your child. I’ve seen it before, we’ll see it again.
Give him the ultimatum. He will either make a decision that involves the three of you, or he will decide that he now has to make two families.(Whatever he starts later in his life, Plus, the child he helped make, and the responsibilities that come with that .
You should concentrate on that, too. 
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People who have been deployed need time to readjust to civilian life. His friends can relate to how he is feeling right now a lil better than you… I would give him a lil space and all the support you can.
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His friends are probably telling him you cheated
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Happens s lot not all friends are loyal
Cheater… he cheated when he was gone… Guilty one
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When you say deployed was it to a war zone or a duty area? My Husband was deployed to Iraq after we were married. I had our child when he was over there. When he came home I did not know who I married. My advice is to go to a military counselor. Civilians don’t understand Combat trauma. It took a while for communication between him and I but I gave my attention to my baby first then my husband. Some will not talk about what happened in war. It does forever change them. Yes, women in a war zone (not all) want the sex to help take their minds off where they are. No. It is not right but it happens bc they both are going through the trauma. Just remember he has gone through terrible things. It’s up to you to be strong and fight… or if he does not want help then you need to make a choice to stay or go. Hope this helps. Reach out if you need to talk. It’s been 17 years and things are still tough but they get better.
l get paid over $ 198 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 15842 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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Couples counseling with a therapist who works with military couples.
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If he won’t get help, I would say stop wasting your time. 
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He could very well be suffering from PTSD or depression. Counseling separately about together as a couple could be super helpful for you both.
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Seems he doesn’t want the relationship,stay long enough to plan an exit and then leave. If you both want to work on things do that through marriage counseling. It will only work if you both want it. Prayers.
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Could have PTSD. I’d definitely look into couples therapy. I can’t believe people would just say run or accuse him if cheating for literally no reason. It’s not easy being in the military. Give the guy a chance and give your family a chance.
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what branch of service was he in? You can usually get help for your self and family members does he report back for meetings somewhere? do you have a hospital (for veterans) near you this is common as being in the service things happen that we the public can not understand could be he has PSD and is burned out. Do some checking before you leave him if you love him. It is not that he wants to leave he does not know how to handle things now that he is back in the country, you have 2 very different lives so different and all depends on the person if he can jump from being in service to being just a citizen. Asking a lot Do Not give ultimatums to Him at this time
Obviously he’s already checked out, go start a new life with your child.
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Even though the adjustment to civilian life is hard, sounds like someone is putting thoughts into his head. I think it’s really important to communicate with him regardless of his adjusting. If he refuses to talk to you about this then sadly it’s probably time to move out and move on. You can’t stay in an unhealthy marriage just because you have a child. Think about how harmful that would be. Yes, I do come from a military family but it’s been so long though. A lot has changed.
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A lot of military folks have affairs when they’re deployed. Just saying. He’s probably projecting
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I can tell lots of these women have never been a military spouse.
Most of the time when my husband would come back from long trainings or deployments I could sense that he had a hard time adjusting, and most do.
It’s a completely different vibe during trainings/deployments and being around other members of the military. In no way am I trying to excuse his behavior, but it could be that he just needs time to adjust.
Another thing, which I hate to say is that maybe he has a guilty conscience and did something he shouldn’t have while he was away and that’s why he’s now accusing you.
I’d be giving space, letting him know you’re open to talk whenever and that you’re here for him, but if he has something he needs to tell you that he needs to do it sooner rather than later for the sake of co parenting your child.
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I recommend couple counselling first and see how things go.
I would give yourself a time line. Like see a change in 1-2 months or if he doesn’t go to couples counselling then leave. Just give yourself a dead line.
Staying with his friends? Are you sure it’s his FRIENDS???
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If he’s accusing you it’s because he is seeing someone. I wouldn’t waste anymore of your time or effort.
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Most likely….He is the one seeing someone else ….shut down and say nothing u less asked …true colors will fall me out
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There are services on base you are able to use, one of which is marriage counseling. Being a veteran myself, there are a number of things that could be at play here. He is saying you guys will work it out, he clearly just doesn’t know how. It feels worth it to actually try instead of throwing in the towel.
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Pack his bag. Change locks
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I would just confront him on the matter and tell him if he doesnt start talking or care to fix the marriage your not going to hold on to false hope. It’s hard on you both not just him.
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Saying we will work it out but not putting in the effort is a red flag. Being gone for 8 months and coming back blaming you for messing around ( when you didnt) that’s a red flag… when people cheat they usually accuse the other of cheating. There’s two red flags how many do you need?
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When I came home from war I was very much like this. He needs time to readjust be patient. He is dealing with a lot.
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Try a counsellor/mediator together. Have the difficult conversations and get ready for the truth. With the truth,you can fix it xxx good luck.
Also be careful because I’ve had a friend who’s husband was military and tried to strangle her when she tried to leave. I promised myself I’d never date a military man or police officer because of the horror stories I’ve heard and no not all were bad but it was enough to deter me.
Maybe when he was deployed for eight months they were other people that he missed besides you,
Absolutely time to walk away, spent a lot of time around this and seriously only ever met one guy who was faithful threw deployment 
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I would leave while your child is small…see if you really know who he’s with…give it a few month and if he’s still distant them go. Easier while your baby is small…it’s not easy…but your teyi g and it takes two to make it work…
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I feel like maybe he cheated , that’s why he’s accusing you 
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Guilty dog usually barks first…js 
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Omg get out now, this will only get worse
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Yes. Absolutely. The day he left and stayed with “friends”.
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Sounds like he may be cheating and has another girl on the side.
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Sounds like he may have met someone else while he was deployed. I’m sorry to say that. I do hope it turns around & works out for you. Do what you think is best for you & your child.
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You did nothing wrong hun. Try to work it out if you love him. Best of luck to you. My nephew was just deployed other day.
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Go to God in prayer.
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Tell him you need to work on things as a couple or it’s over. Then you’ll know if he truly cares.
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You cannot have a successful marriage without communication. It doesn’t seem like he’s interested in fixing anything. But then again my spouse isn’t in the army so I wouldn’t know how that is. There could be things that are bothering him maybe that happened while he was away.
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Yes please do. These men get use to acting like teenagers you don’t have time for that.
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You did nothing wrong he could just need time adjust. He may be depressed from anything he saw, it could be numerous things but he either needs to see someone about it or talk to you about what’s happening because it will eat him alive
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Sounds like he’s projecting his guilty conscience.
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He’s cheating and gas lighting you sorry move on
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Kinda sounds like he’s not interested in “working it out”. He may have been having these feelings before he left too. He may not have feelings for you anymore. I’d give him the option of leaving or really trying to work on it and see what he picks.
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In my opinion, you both need to sit down and figure out what’s going on. If he’s committed to the relationship, this is what needs to happen.
Just looking at what happened to my brother. When he came home he wasnt the same guy. Him and his wife has a really hard time for years. They been told 13yrs and my brother been depeloid three times…its like pulling teeth to get him to talk about his feeling.
I have no idea what he saw over there but it changed him. I would give it little time and see if he will talk to you.
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Sounds like he already left the marriage, for whatever reason.
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No! Fight for your marriage! People give up TOO EASY these days!
Maybe the war time is getting to him??
He was the one seeing other people while he was gone. He can’t even reply to AN email
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If people haven’t been with someone that’s been deployed they shouldn’t comment
People are not the same when they come home and sometimes it takes a while to adjust and sometimes I don’t think they ever do
I’d give it some time
Don’t give up on him or your marriage just yet
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Pack him out the door 
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Not yet you both need counseling
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Yup somethings up walk wway
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Is there a possibility that it doesn’t have anything to do with you at all? Maybe it has to do with his deployment. Also I’m from a military family, most men when they get off deployed, they just want to go home, so the trip to the beach might of just caught him a little off guard. Is there a possibility someone is telling him things about you?
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It sounds like everything was rushed. And staying in a relationship because of a kid isn’t going to work. Ever. Have you talked with your individual therapist?
If he was deployed I’m sure that’s playing a big part. They go through a lot when deployed.
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People may of told him that you had been seeing others which require a good heart to heart with him but as a person who was a wife to a soldier and was with them when they came home. It’s extreme hard on them and they need time to readjust. As sweet and romantic as your gesture was of the beach hotel it may of been to much to soon and can really freak out a newly home soldier. I was given warning before he came home giving me heads up on what it will be like and the pace to talk with him. I am surprised the military didn’t give you the same heads up. I can not express how rough it is for many soldiers coming home. It is a huge adjustment to change their mindset from war situation to civilian life. Try to be patient for now and just let him know that you are here for him.
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Kinda sounds like he already checked out😢
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My brother came home from being deployed a completely different person. It takes time to readjust to civilian life. People expect the soldiers to come home and be who they were before they left. It doesn’t work that way. The majority of relationships don’t make it. Check with the military base commander about counseling and the options they offer for readjustment to civilian life for the soldier and you. They have options out there. What your husband is going through is normal
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He didn’t see any war when if he just got back. He was probably deployed to the UAE or Kuwait. Nothing has happened for him to “see”. Your husband was having an affair. My husband is a Master Sergeant and says they behave like that when they have been screwing other people overseas. He can’t stand to look you in the eye.
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It’s time to walk away
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Sounds like my ex husband. Some have a very difficult time coming back to home life. He may feel like life went on without him. Try to keep in touch with the umbudsman when he is deployed, so you keep informed. Meet other military wives with young children. Both go for counseling-the military offers it.
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What did he do during his deployment? This could be ptsd
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Yeah I’m sorry something is up I do agree they come back different but mine contacted me all the time so something is definitely fishy why he didn’t contact you I mean h9w long was his tour
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Keep trying. My husband and I went threw a very ruff patch. He even Cheated on me. I was so hurt I had been sick and as he put it. He still had needs. well we worked it out . We will be married 39 yrs in Sept.
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Sounds like something is weird
I would try to give it time and maybe seek counseling for him and both of you or maybe a group for him. I will say there are a lot of men deployed whose women are unfaithful and the higher ups are constantly telling them not to think of their girls or wives because they’re probably cheating. He could’ve seen his friends go through break ups and infidelity and could be projecting that as well. I would try to give it some time to see if things gets better.
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You don’t know what he may have went through when he was deployed and he likely needs some time to deal with what he had to endure, there’s no way it was easy on him. Have some patience for your husband he clearly experienced things that have affected him!
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