Sounds like he’s come back with PTSS and needs help. There are places you can go for this that are funded by Medicare with him being a returned serviceman. What ever happened there changed him and he is struggling. It also sounds like he is trying to push you away thinking you will be better off without him. Get help for him. Do not give up.
4 Likes
I would try counseling before leaving
2 Likes
If he was deployed, he may need something more that you can’t offer like therapy or even meds. Also, most people need time to readjust when they come back stateside, as well as, if they are required to report to work on post or not. Sometimes the easiest thing for them to do downrange is to distance themselves from their family. Chill out, and tell him you will work on whatever he needs to work on, but don’t bombard him. He’s literally trying to figure out how to live back here, especially depending on what his MOS was and where he deployed to… maybe try seeing it from his point of view? He just spend 8 consequetive months at work, or worse depending on the situations he encountered over there. And if they lost people, he is spending time with his brothers because they “get it”.
3 Likes
When I was married to a military man we emailed eachother every day. He called once a week. There was massive communication. I’m just going to say this out of previous situations - if they’re accusing you of cheating they’re usually the one cheating.
16 Likes
He’s probably got a gf in the military or he’s writing countless women for excitement. I’ve been there done that. Never again. It’s sad too bc the military man I was with, we were so in love. We had so much fun together. Always dancing, always laughing. Sex was kinky we were never bored. But we’d fight and he’d sleep or flirt with all my friends. And whe. Deployed he had a wife he was divorcing, a gf, and me. I should of known then. I will say I wouldn’t trade those years for anything. They were the best years of my life until I met who I’m with now. He’s great and doesn’t cheat on me and is extremely passionate about what he wants. Sometimes it’s best to communicate with our partner. Tell him how you are feeling . Tell him your ready to walk away but will give him a chance to actually be in the relationship and be present with you. If not make it clear you won’t wait around.
y’all need to communicate…tell him that if things don’t get better than it’s going to end your marriage
3 Likes
Don’t waste anymore time on him. The fact that he accused YOU of stepping out on him says that he’s probably doing it himself and didn’t have the balls to tell you. Don’t torture yourself any longer. Put him behind you, and try to move on.
How long have you been together lol? Jw I’m a military wife as well
Maybe he is battling depression?
4 Likes
TBH, it sounds like he’s cheating. I mean I understand that people want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s in the military, well guess what, military men cheat too. 
In my experience when someone accuses you of cheating, they are the one that’s cheating. Trust your gut. If something feels wrong that’s your woman’s intuition trying to tell you something.
19 Likes
It’s so hard when they come back… something is up… he needs support… but no excuse to treat you bad… tough road… but it can get better… just hold him accountable for “getting things better” won’t happen if no changes happen… best wishes…
maybe go make an appt. by yourself and tell the doctor there what u have written here , and a few other things, like the other women had said maybe he is battling with depression and it’s killing him inside, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it! maybe there is something going on that u aren’t aware of ! once u have talked to the doctor and whatever is results r i would make one for the both of you’s ! this may work
1 Like
It isn’t a choice someone else gets to make. You know what you have to do. SIT him down and let him have it( what do you have to lose). If he’s not happy & not making you happy, it’s not good for any of you, Mostly your child.
3 Likes
Wow something is definitely wrong. Hang in there a while, state side is a major change for some. Maybe try marriage counseling. Try but in the end you have to decide.
1 Like
He’s got stuff going on in his head that he’s trying to deal with, regarding his deployment, and he’s trying to shield you from it … and at the same time he’s trying to adjust to the change from being deployed to being back home. On top of that, he has a wife and a 1 yr old baby who are depending on him … and he hasn’t been around the baby in 8 months.
Certain sounds and lights can trigger “flashbacks” for a military soldier who has seen combat situations. I’m taking it that you guys are fairly young, if you have a 1 year old baby. Being born and raised in the US, we experience a totally different lifestyle than others do in war torn countries. The adjustment when our new soldiers first go & see this first hand can be reeling. Then, being there for any length of time, they have to live 24/7 in “go” mode … always on the alert.
Then they come home.
Nothing will ever be the same again for them, because now they have first hand knowledge of some of the evil that goes on in the world around us. Nothing will ever be the same again, because all that he has experienced, he does not want to burden you with. He wants to put it behind him … forget. But he can’t. He is in a vacuum of emotions.
My suggestion is that he seek counseling, and that you seek counseling together, through the military. I also suggest that you give him some space, but let him know you’re there for him when and if he’s ready to talk. Also let him know it’s okay if he doesn’t want to talk with you, but let him know that you think he should talk with somebody.
Being a soldier is not just a job. It’s not something you go & do 8 hrs a day, and then go home and leave work at work. It’s a way of life. Soldiers are very dependent on family members to be their source of strength and support.
It takes a person with patience & understanding to be married to a soldier. During this time of his recent return from deployment, try to be patient & put his needs first. If you do this, he will eventually be able to put you & your baby first again. That’s what marriage is . One sometimes needs to be strong for the other … always putting the marriage first, instead of one or the other’s desires.
Good luck my friend. God bless you and your husband for the sacrifices you make for our country.
5 Likes
What they accuse you of they are doing.
4 Likes
As an OEF Marine Veteran, He needs time to decompress. He wasn’t on a vacation! I empathize with you but you need more realistic expectations, especially being that he just got back from a deployment. If you can’t handle being patient and supportive then you absolutely should move on.
5 Likes
Prayers for strength and comfort
Uh yea. When they start accusing u of cheating that’s a MAJOR red flag 
it almost always signals some sort of guilt within themselves that they are cheating or doing something along the lines of cheating.
8 Likes
Take it from a veterans wife in the old days no Communications for months and months , no face time no Wi-Fi nothing…… it takes work to get back the connection 
1 Like
He cheated, which is why he’s blaming you. The art of deflection.
10 Likes
Mabye see a marriage counselor see it that helps if nit then if u dot feel any love I would leave
1 Like
Military go through alot when deployed. Sounds like you need to be more understanding of what he went through. Ever heard the expression they don’t come back the same? Talk to him.
3 Likes
Well I say maybe do Counseling and see if you can get to the real bottom of what the problem is. Then I see where you say y’all marriage wasn’t great so I see it was problems before he left. So maybe while he’s been gone he’s found hisself and see that his future is no longer with you and plus never stay in a marriage for the kids because if you’re unhappy how can you pour happiness into your children. Sorry for the lost comment. Lol
He’s projecting. That’s likely he was cheating on you the whole time he was gone
10 Likes
I dont think you can go from life being deployed to family life in the blink of a eye. Most have PTSD as well as nightmares depression anxiety he is probably having a hard time readjusting maybe marriage counseling
2 Likes
Maybe just give him some time. No one knows what goes on in their heads over there with the things that they see and go through
Sounds like he is emotionally and physically exhausted- PTSD
PTSD or not, him being gone is hard on you too! Do not give him the “poor military” excuse. Yes it does mess people up, but your needs are just as important
9 Likes
He never once responded or didn’t respond as much as you wrote? Could be that he’s just trying to decompress. But…I’d keep my eyes open that he’s not talking to another woman too.
3 Likes
I would . I would leave to get my own thoughts into order . Who knows . It could very be well be him who’s seeing someone , specially if he’s so fast to accuse
9 Likes
He is done as you should be too. Have some dignity.
4 Likes
Fellow mil spouse of 6 years…
He cheated. The surest sign is when they accuse you of cheating especially during deployment. The fact that you spent so much time effort and money to send care packages that were not responded to with gratitude, the fact that he wasn’t excited to get away with his family after a long deployment, and the surprise homecoming that was dull are all red flags 
I’ve seen these same signs with other military couples many times and it’s always the same. Eventually you will find out he cheated while on deployment because it always gets out and you will be devastated. Another sure sign is that he is staying with “friends”. 100% whoever he cheated with is either also there or that is the friend. Get out now and get a good lawyer for child support.
Best of luck 
19 Likes
Y’all probably can get cheap therapy 
a lot of people in general specially men have a hard time facing their emotions and expressing them.
A year of deployment ended my first marriage. He was nowhere near the same. Turned to drugs and alcohol and got someone pregnant. With that being said, unless he has proven unable to be with completely… give him time. Be there. It’s a shock coming back. It’s hard on them. As long as there is no cheating or abuse I’d say let him get this out of his system. Right now his friends are his coping mechanism. Maybe not the best or maybe they are, but he will recognize what is best soon. I left my ex husband 14 years ago and he still to this day will tell my mom I was his first and his only love. And when I left he went downhill even worse. To this day I’ve always wondered if I could have helped him.
2 Likes
Maybe he is accusing you because he feels guilty that he cheated. That’s what happened my first marriage. If he won’t talk to you or go to therapy you have to do what’s best for you.
14 Likes
As a former military wife. Throw in the towel. Some men feel they have to get married before deployment, they don’t treat the marriage as a real marriage because it’s for convenience. I fell for that one and lasted longer than it should have and I was miserable.
5 Likes
I can’t forget how Dr Gabriel helped me restore my marriage after 4 months of separating from my husband because of a fight and he left and never came back to me, I did a lot to get him back but nothing worked until I saw a comment online when someone was testifying about how Dr Gabriel helped her get her husband back and that is how I contacted him through his WhatsApp and after writing my problem he assured me that he will help me get my husband back. in 12 hours after casting the love spell, and after he did the spell, my husband came back home and begged that he was so sorry he left me, today I am back with my husband and both of us are happy and living together again. I know that there are many people who want to get their love back or whatever problem you have, contact Dr. Gabriel because he is the perfect answer to your problem. contact him :l
Call him/WhatsApp: +234 8133 240147
The first time my dude tried to stay the night somewhere else is the last! That is incredibly disrespectful.
9 Likes
Maybe reach out to these folks, if you want, and it may be helpful…Military Reunion & Reintegration Support | Military OneSource
3 Likes
Sounds to me like there’s more to the story… Sometimes significant others accuse one of cheating…because they are guilty of it.
Maybe something happened over seas?
Like, he saw some terrible stuff…maybe he needs some counseling and also some couples counseling…
Before he left, you said things were ok-ish? Why were they only ok?
7 Likes
Smh r u kidding girl, don’t chase no man! I think u know the answer to ur question
3 Likes
My son is in the Air Force he has done deployment and has been stationed over seas, according to him they all cheat! My son is single and is not with anyone and and was single when he left 2 years ago. He has no reason to lie! He calls me and tell me how sad it is how they cheat then he sees them on FaceTime with their wife and kids. It makes him sad. Also my niece married a military man and he cheated on his deployment! Just leave! Your husband heart is not in it. He don’t want to be with you. He just don’t want to be the one to file.for the divorce!
14 Likes
Sounds like it was over long ago. Children are resilient. They can be loved by both parents separately.
4 Likes
He needs time to acclimate
2 Likes
you guys need a therapist
1 Like
Yeah hes done hunny. You did your best and at least you know you tried.
3 Likes
He definitely cheated, I’m sorry hun.
4 Likes
Everyone keeps talking about he needs time you need adjustment here’s the fine line when he was deployed he didn’t call you contact you nothing there’s something going on maybe he does need your readjustment or whatever but that’s another point the point is he didn’t communicate with you at all he was gone is a huge red flag get out now!
5 Likes
Sounds like something is wrong with him. He needs a counselor. Get help.
Sounds like he’s thrown the towel in for you! Maybe he’s the one who’s been seeing someone else? It’s very common for those who are having an affair to accuse their partner of it. Makes them feel justified about their own behaviour. Meet him head on. You’re not his pet or his slave. You’re entitled to a life. If he doesn’t want to be it it tell him to sling his hook. Be honest with yourself. He’s seldom home and when he is he’s making you miserable. You’re worth more!
6 Likes
He’s already showing you what he really wants. He just doesn’t want to be “the bad guy”
2 Likes
Move on find your king …you deserve be treated better
Considering I am prior military I will chime in on the fact it’s an adjustment. It’s hard on both parties involved, I hate to say it but sometimes I feel like spouses have such high expectations of what they think a deployment should be like from media/movies and that’s just not the case. It’s so sweet when the spouse tries, don’t get me wrong but that little ounce of free time a soldier gets away from their duties typically goes on just relaxing and most fail to keep the spark alive back home because they’re focused on what’s in front of them at the moment. I hope that makes sense. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive. I guess my opinion is not to give up, give this time to adjust and maybe seek some marriage counseling.
6 Likes
He sounds young and immature. Some men just aren’t ready to put the work in. They just want to play. And of course he’s had it rough, so he probably does want to play. Only you know when you’ve had enough.
1 Like
Time for a sit down serious talk. Marriage Counseling could help too. Also, if he leaves again, tell him not to come home. Not till he’s ready to be a real family. Also, he needs personal Counseling.
1 Like
Ask him, tell him you need to talk and tell him how you feel, ask him what he wants to do and ask him if he’s even interested in trying.
2 Likes
He has a side chick. The height of the war is over and even then they had time to call and reply to emails.
3 Likes
Make it easy pack your important stuff and be gone
4 Likes
Sounds pretty over to me…
3 Likes
You already know the answer.
I’ve deployed & understand it’s hard to write & all. You have to create 2 brains to shut off home life so you can work.
That said, you already have your answer. You can try therapy but unless he’s willing, why?
6 Likes
Marriage counseling and maybe he needs to talk to someone
1 Like
The life of a service wife. Either work or out or leave.
5 Likes
Crazy shit happens on deployment. They don’t always come back the same person they were when they left. A recon mission can go south and an innocent person dies, or a teammate. He might be pushing you away because he can’t cope, feels like he’s less of a man for feeling some type of way thanks to societal stigmas & is ashamed to tell you what he’s going through, or both.
Get marriage counseling and see if you can unveil what he needs.
Idk him but either he has some issues from his deployment and he is having trouble back in civilian life or he is cheating and blaming you because many do. Follow your gut.
16 Likes
I was married to a soldier don’t give up just yet he has to adjust back to the civil life it’s not easy because we don’t know what they have seen or been through overseas ok I get it it’s frustrating r we hen he thinks you have messed around but maybe he feels that way because he’s seen it happen to other soldiers over there believe it or not that happens a lot all I’m saying is don’t give up yet help him adjust try talking to him see if you can get him in counseling 
3 Likes
Usually when someone is cheating they accuse the other of cheating… might be time to walk away…
8 Likes
Sounds like he could’ve cheated and is projecting his own guilt onto you.
6 Likes
Sounds like he’s cheated and is blaming you for cheating because he feels guilty. Why else would he be staying gone and then to have his mom pick him up… your in my prayers.
3 Likes
See a therapist together. He may be dealing with ptsd. Try and then bye.
Is he depressed sounds like he may be suffering depression
Are you educated on PTSD?? I’ll venture to guess no. You signed up for the military life but yet you can’t live it? I hope he gets the help he needs. 
4 Likes
Never stay with someone just because you have a kid with them I learnt that the hard way if your not being treated right it’s not fair
The one accusing is normally the one doing the cheating I learnt the hard way and got a broken heart he sounds like he cheated and guilt eating him up eg he can’t look at u I be sitting him down and telling him straight and get his point and what he wants then you no and decide weather you are are leaving him or trying to make the marriage work longer good luck x
5 Likes
why should you both be unhappy?
l get paid over $177 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18271 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
M0re Info. https://amazingincome397.pages.dev/
Deployment can do a lot of things to a person… give him time to unwind to re adjust it could take a second
1 Like
The time is now. Get out.
4 Likes
I wouldn’t give up on someone that easy. Being in the military is hard and stressful. But I’m the end it’s your life and you gotta do what’s best for you and your family
1 Like
First wait and watch let him catch his breath. Back off and let him be and give him space. Watch to see what he does…maybe he’s cheating or maybe he’s depressed but stay out of his space and leave him alone. Maybe he’ll draw you closer.
1 Like
He had someone else before he left. That’s why u didn’t get any response from him. Get out now
12 Likes
Sounds like a guilty conscious
6 Likes
He’s unfaithful… he is blaming you most likely bc he’s in the wrong. The fact that he’s not with you now, out with friends and his mom picking him up…. I’d understand if he was wanting to surprise you with his coming home but the other parts is saying no there wasn’t a surprise at all in his mind. He’s just keeping you around bc you are the wife and well he’s wanting to see what else he can get. I’m sure he was communicating with others while he was deployed and maybe even had plans to see someone which is why he didn’t tell you he was coming home. Most spouses can’t wait to get home if they really love that person and if he respected you he would of communicated. I understand they are limited to resources and talk but there would of been something to keep in touch or a simple I love and miss you and especially our child. Period!
11 Likes
I think you should try couples counseling first.
1 Like
He was deployed, be patient and understanding. He probably has ptsd and needs help. Coming back to normal is hard after what he’s seen and done. Be patient.
3 Likes
Actions speak louder than words
3 Likes
If its outside the 90 day reintegration time I would ask him to seek help…deployments mess with there brains…accusing u of that and pushing u away may be easier then talking about how he feels…remember they are trained not to be emotional about thing so when they co.e home all messed up from deployments they lie because they are not suppose to be messed up by it there is still a ton of shame in asking for help in the military. Its hard for everyone!!! I was a army wife for almost 15 yrs…if u wanna chat message me I went through 4 deployments with him…he was active paratrooper/infantry.
14 Likes
If you love yourself and your kid it’s time to leave unfortunately 
I’m so sorry but sounds like he’s definitely cheating
3 Likes
I’d want to make sure he isn’t cheating, perhaps hire a PI? If he’s not stepping out, then counseling and time. Loving a veteran isn’t always easy.
3 Likes
Sounds like to Me there maybe someone else…sorry Mama move in and be happy That’s what is best for you and baby.
Hun I would give it a minute. I am not positive if hes been unfaithful or not but I had a significant other that had bipolar depression and thankfully after gaining his trust he would talk to me a little more and tell me what’s up.
Sometimes things were so quiet it was deafining, he would not want to talk and be in his phone (not texting just in it) for so long and not turn to look at me that I thought I had done something wrong. I sat there and always thought he was unhappy with me or that our relationship was failing and I would be so upset and cry and finally one day he opened up and talked to me about it because he didnt want to lose me.
He told me first of all not all of his feelings, actions and emotions have anything to do with me. He told me sometimes he just goes through some things and it’s not that he needs to be fixed or needs help he just needs to get through it. He encouraged me to (not go out and leave him alone) find some hobbies or work on things in the house that didnt involved him but he needed time in his head sometimes.
This actually really helped out relationship and got us a lot closer. I dont know the details of what you guys have going on but I can imagine being deployed wasn’t very easy on him. If it’s possible I would gently tell him how you’re feeling and ask him what he needs (and tell his ass this conversation isnt to attack you or start a fight so chill your ass out first and foremost lmao) and see how it goes. Sometimes marriages and relationships are hard but unless there was someone else I would give it a good try before just throwing in the towel
His conscience is telling on him-
- he can’t look you in the eye (shame/guilt)
- accuses you of seeing someone else (he likely did and is projecting his actions onto you)
- work what out exactly? Sounds like he’s being vague and brushing off accountability.
I’d point blank just ask if he had an affair overseas? Does he miss her, is that why he’s acting this way towards you??
6 Likes
For better or worse takes on a new meaning for those married to those in the armed forces. Be patient. Studies show that couple who stick with it during dark times find their relationships are extremely fulfilling after the storm has subsided
3 Likes
Leave now !! Don’t wait
1 Like
This is whats wrong with young peoples marriages these days!lm sure he scene things that know one wants to see l agree with Danielle go for councelling help him !
1 Like
Hes cheating fuck him 
Seems like he’s already thrown in the towel to me
1 Like
To me it sounds like he has found someone else
7 Likes
seems as thought he isn’t interested, go move on a be happyh xxx
Honestly I would say how I feel to him. Get everything out. That way he has a chance to make things better. I was married to a Marine for years. Deployments are hard, sometimes they get so into their head they can’t grasp the outside world. I really don’t think he’s cheating, just lost a little bit. Much love .