My boyfriend of 2 years has stayed at my place since 3 months after we started dating. No big deal to me. I have 2 adult children and a young grandchild. We have a connection I can’t explain and get along great. We like the same things in respect to shows and pretty much life. He said that’s what he really loves about me and has said that since day 1. We have talked about our past relationships and getting cheated on etc and how much we both got hurt by it. We moved a year ago and he said he was moving his stuff in when we moved. Didn’t happen. He has asked me to marry him but wants it to be a secret. Recently he brought over his laptop for me to use and warned me there is probably stuff on it from before we were together and asked if I could wipe it clean. Upon doing so I find messages to girls setting up meetings with them from 4 months after we were together. I asked him about it and he said well i never met up with them so it shouldn’t matter. His family has never met my children or grandchild but buy presents for my grandchild for birthdays and Christmas. I feel that if this relationship is to go further his family needs to meet my children and grandchild and he moves his things in. I’m just so confused and am second guessing myself and the whole relationship now. I have never trusted anyone as much as I did trust him cause now I’m not sure.
Marriage to be a secret? Sounds like he may already be married or in another relationship
Ask yourself are you happy with the situation? You know what’s Shady and what’s not.
Ya, sounds like he’s either married still, or he’s seeing women on the side. For sure.
Definitely something shady going on. Trust your gut. Good luck
Run girl run as fast as you can
the fact you’ve raised the question even if it was in your mind should tell you the answer unfortunately. Wishing you luck x
Run… find some whos proud to show you and your children and grandchildren off.
If it feels fishy best bet it is.
If your second guessing, time for him to go…
If he thinks it’s okay to chat with other women in a flirty, romantic or sexual manner “as long as he doesn’t meet up with them”, I don’t think this is the man for you.
You can sit him down and set clear boundaries, but he has already planted that seed of doubt by doing what he did.
Alongside the fact he wants marriage to be a secret, I don’t think he’s worth fighting for.
Do a background check. When in doubt don’t.
Sounds like phil w. in the portland area. yikes
If you didn’t find anything now and he’s open and honest after 2 year leave the past where it at trust and heal your self because if you do want to marry him. You have to marry 7 versions of him. Women need to learn to leave the past in the past because if I’m not the same person I was a year ago he sure isn’t the same as 2 years ago
Trust your intuition. They are almost never wrong
I know this is an anonymous post, but if this mans name is Phil please reach out to me.
Red flags everywhere. If a man loves you or cares about you how he says, he’s gonna wanna tell the world about it. The fact that he hasn’t just screams red flags for me.
Somethings going on that you don’t know about.
You could make a scarf from those red flags. Gooo.
if this is near portland or please reach out to me.
So where is his stuff if he’s been living with you and you guys moved? Was he living with you and keeping his own place? Honestly wanting to keep the marriage a secret and not moving his stuff in makes it seem like he’s already married or something 
Seems like he enjoys the best of both worlds
He’s gotta a secret life you don’t know about that he’s hiding from you
He’s already married!
Don’t take this the wrong way, I don’t mean it to be rude… but if you’re old enough to have children and grandchildren, you’re to old for games. He needs to be aware of that. Sit down together, as adults, and express all of this to him. Marriage isn’t a big deal for some, but a commitment should be. If you’re living together, you should be sharing everything. There shouldn’t be secret children/grandchildren, there shouldn’t be a secret engagement. If you two are together and happy, let the world know. There is a difference in being a private person and being shady.
If he was trying to hide something…he wouldn’t have given you his laptop.
Never stay with a man that wants to keep marriage a secret. He has other women in his life. A man needs to be proud of his spouse not keep it a secret. Run and find someone that is not keeping you secretly.
Well the red flag of Concern is the keeping things secret. Who gets married and keeps it secret? He’s not be honest about something. I mean you didn’t care at first and now it’s at a point where you want to know what’s up. So tell him. Let him know what’s going on and what you want. Either he is going to do what you ask or he’s not. Stop waiting for him. You are in the relationship too.
RUN NOW !
He’s hiding something
The fact he wants a secret marriage I would be digging even deeper into this man.
I would not trust him.he is hiding something
Oh heck no. You deserve someone who will scream it from the rooftops that you’re engaged. Setting up meetings with women, not moving his stuff in….youre a place holder. He’s just killing time with you. Go. Find someone who is proud to be with you.
That’s still cheating talking to someone else, and very weird keeping an engagement secret. Sounds like he has a line up of other options. I’m sorry love, leave him. It’ll be better
I feel like he’s just using you to have a place to stay and someone to take care of him.
Red flag been with him a year haven’t meant the family? And how do u know he didn’t meet up with them you don’t still cheating? He should of had respect in the first. Don’t marry him run. He’s all red flags you shouldn’t have to be a secret.
Are you sure he wasn’t the one that was cheating during his last relationship? And I’m wondering how many red flags you need to see before you end things. You are worth so much more than this relationship, don’t settle for less than what you deserve, know your worth, pick yourself up and move on with your life, don’t get stuck
he has a second life! no doubt he probably brought them gifts himself and said they was from the family
You’re a secret for a reason
I think your right to be concerned. You do not want to lose everything you have spent your life getting together by making hasty decisions. There should be nothing hidden. Be sensible
And don’t let him have access to your cash.
Communication is key.
Ask him.
You have not met his family or he yours wants married in secret hasn’t moved his stuff in planned to meet others 4 months after getting with you but doesn’t do it save him the trouble effort and expenses and get rid
Don’t trust him ,your gut feeling is always correct ,I knew someone for 5 years always dining and chatting ,he was always there but when I found he was married and had kids but I never told him and worst he assisted me with all my issues my hubby but he was the main person I shouldn’t trust
Doubts are there for a reason. Trust yourself
I’d be pissed Im supposed tobe quiet aboyt something thats supposed to be a very joyful time in your life. That you arent allowed to share about your love and happiness when you get married, wtf.
Run woman Run as fast as you can.
Keeping a marriage a secret 
. You sure hes not already married ?
Messages to other women , broken promises, secret marriage and no family get together are all red flags. Say goodbye and change the locks
Breathe girl you are overthinking it……if he had something to hide would he have you it to wipe clean…Just move slowly don’t rush anything
May I ask if there is an age difference
He sounds like a user to me he’s trying to hide to many things if he really loved you he would show it in a better way than the bullshit he has
Follow your gut instinct
Sounds like my ex. We lived together but he would dip out n leave me with his dog and place. He had 3 side chicks. 2 knew of me the one he moved in with now didnt. She has no clue he unblocks me to talk still and has always stalked my tik tok. Even proposed to her 3 weeks b4 he broke up with me then left me n my kids when the landlord sold the house to find our own way cuz he already had someone to let him move in.
Sounds like a sneaky sleaze. He wanted to get caught. Otherwise he would have had someone else wipe out the computer. It’s not hard to do.
You are the secret woman in his life " get rid off him " pack his 
out the door 
I just went thru the same issue with great connection…things started getting serious but it was about the two of us…not 3 of us (I have 8yr old from previous) an been thru all forms of abuse an trusted him. I didn’t want everybody knowing about us til I was sure we would be in it for the long haul because we live in very small nosey lying manipulative town. Thingds didn’t work. But looking back I see why it was for the best
Wow hun in my opinion ya need to slow down I see redheads all over, first you guys don’t sound like your ready to move in together not trying to be mean but, you haven’t ment his famy ,second why is his family sending your grand children a gift but not your children ,3 he’s probably living about not meeting the other girls four have you asked him why he wants a secret wedding .what you should do one day when he’s not around call his family and tell them that he wants to marry you and see what they say .did he even get you a ring yet
Your probably the other woman especially if his things are not there but he “lives” with you. And wants a “secret” engagement/marriage. Have you met his family?
Nah pack his belongings n throw it outside he’s trash and should be treated like accordingly
To keep a marriage a secret is because he’s hiding you.
Honesty and trust must be in any relationship your mistake was letting him move in . No matter what age you and he must have respect .men like the chase they don’t like to have it so easily served on a platter.
Nope nope. He’s gone.
That’s a b.s excuse. " I didn’t meet them " still intentions
How many more red flags do you need?
Uh… he’s hiding you from his other life!
Nope, no way I would be with anyone who wanted to keep it secret.
Nope. Anytime I’ve seen somebody be secretive about a relationship it’s bc they’re hiding it from somebody else and vice versa. Like the quote says “if they can’t show you off in public they don’t deserve you behind closed doors.” Doesn’t matter he “never met up with them” he still was setting up times to do it 
He asked you to marry him. And for you to keep it a secret. Because why? No, no, no,
He sounds married. Girl you shouldn’t have time for this BS. You have 2 grown children & a grand baby…boy BYE 
I can make a scarf with the red flags. Run!
It seems almost like he wanted to be caught telling u there were things on his computer that you might not like. Maybe he is looking for an out but doesn’t know how to tell you. Sit down and have a conversation about where you see this relationship going and ask why all the secrets. There seems to be some shadiness going on but we don’t know the extent. But if he can’t explain it then it might be time to pump the breaks.
That happened to my husband before he met me. His former girlfriend threw him out four times. Once an hour before he was to go on stage. He’s a musician. Then I came along first as a friend and told him he could do better. That he deserved better. And then we fell in love. No more secrets. In June we will be married eleven years. We have a wonderful relationship. Better things are on the horizon for you. You just need the courage to drop dead weight.
All red flags. Is he legally married to someone else?
No if it were me in your shoes he’d be gone
He bought those presents and you’re being awfully naive for someone your age…
No. I only made it through “should I trust my boyfriend.” If you have to ask on fb that’s your gut trying to smack you upside the head.
He’s a narcissist. Run. He’s got all the pattens. The moving in with you so quickly was the first red flag. Start studying covert narcissist.
Y’all, we are really out here settling for dookie .
Sister, Time to move on. I smell a rotten fish.
Lot’s of red flags.
Get married but keep it secret. SMH
Him trying to meet up with others whether he actually did or not does matter and him telling you it doesn’t is him trying to see what you’ll let him get away with.
Dump that mf
Run and don’t look back
You’re pulling a wagon of red flags with nothing more than we get along. You’re exposing an unhealthy human to your children. Have some self respect. You and your family deserve better.
A secret engagement? Hunny sorry to tell you, you’re not his main chick.
Lol, the minute you asked is the minute you answered your own question.
There’s so many red flags here. You should never have to keep your engagement a secret. Texting other girls is still cheating, whether they met up or not. When you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t be entertaining other people. The sad part is, is that he’s stringing you along for his own selfish needs. If he was serious about your relationship, he would have already met your kids and grandchild, as well as you meeting his family. Loving someone is not a good enough reason to stay if their making you second guess your entire relationship. You have to set boundaries. Always love yourself more than him, and walk away when you feel like it’s necessary. Don’t disrespect yourself by staying with someone who seems to wanna hide your relationship. He either needs to step up and do what he needs to do to make you feel safe and secure with him, or let you go so you can move on and find someone that is willing to give you everything you deserve.
A secret if you get married and you have never met his family? How do you know he didn’t buy the gifts and say it was from them? Do they even know about you and he live different life? Something doesn’t add up…sorry
Google, background check, high school records, names of family members, where does he go when he’s not with you. whatever you can find out about this guy do so. See what checks out, what doesn’t. Does he have money? Does he pay for anything? Call his bluff, ask him if y’all got engaged when & where would you get married. Ask him why he doesn’t want a big or medium wedding and why keep it a secret?
It is a bit alarming that he is so keen on secrecy! Keep your eyes open and see where this all goes!
He’s already married.
Well, if he wants your marriage to be a secret, that would be your first sign to boot his ass to the curb!
RUN FAST really I mean secret marriage hes cheating point blank
Fuck him out smash d laptop on his head n make sure its no secret i never heard d likes ur in love with him n u have d kids n gchild hes a user n if u meant that much2 him so would ur kids n gc 
Ohhhhhh no no no girl
Sorry to say but it sounds like you are a side chick and he doesn’t want his family to know you exist.
sounds like he’s already in a relationship or he wants the comfort of having you as his backup when he’s not with his other females and yes it does matter even if he didn’t meet them. He was planning to and talking to other women. Move on
Sounds like he’s being secretive. Do a background check
Follow your gut, because thus whole thing is f"ed up. Where you with him every mi use of every day, cause if not he met up.
He has a wife and you’re the side piece
he is either keeping it a secret because he is in a relationship, keeping a secret because he is cheating or keeping it secret because he’s using you as a safety net while he looks for something else.
I would RUN though.
Get rid of him he is cheating
Actions speak louder than words
I am seeing a lot of RED FLAGS in what you have described about this man and your relationship with him, but mostly, his relationship with you!
Things do not smell right about him. He has
lied to you, and then wants to marry you, but keep it a secret. NO, but, Heck NO! Don’t give him a choice! Kick him out right now!
Change your door locks,
and check all your finances to make sure you are safe!
Hes cheating on somebody and having an affair with you. He’s buying your grandchild the presents saying its from his family.