It sounds like dad may be overwhelmed as well. Maybe you can sit down with him & come up with a better schedule. Work around your son’s school & work schedules. Maybe ask what they’re doing for a certain holiday or weekend. If the answer is nothing offer to take him. You don’t sound ready to have him full time though.
You just gave the argument as to why its a bad idea for him to live with you full time. Not bashing you here. Just being realistic. If things like anxiety, etc can lead to suicide… You’re not ready. Give yourself time. Seems like youre on the right track trying to take care of yourself which is great. Maybe talk to the fam bout whats goin on at home. Maybe you can have him more during the week. Maybe you can visit him more. Maybe he needs friends. Idk. He’s important of course but so is your mental health. I hope everythin works out for ya!
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Start slow & work up to
More !!!
Continue to work on you -so you can be best for your son 
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Maybe start with more visits and over nights when you feel ready
Take each day as it comes for a start, maybe start by seeing him every day or every other day then gradually add another night, have u got any support network like any family you can maybe stay with on the odd night with him or if your on good terms with dad maybe you sleep over there a few nights a week so then you are with your son more but if your anxiety kicks in or anything your son is still safe with family members, i think you all need to work together and support each other and deffo take little steps
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Sounds like your not ready for full time yet. Keep working on your self and maybe add another day that he can stay with you to see how it goes but if Friday is already given you anxiety with him being around then it might be to much for you.
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unfortunately, if you are still having anxiety just being with your son on Saturdays, you are not ready, But that doesn’t mean you don’t’ love him, Be with him as much as you can be & enjoy those days & time with him
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Make sure you’re ready first. It does nothing for you or him if you take on too much too fast and relapse to start all over again.
I would just have a convo with dad and say when you are working on weekends, would it be okay to have our son? Tell him you are not ready for full time but that you’d like to work towards that, at some point. Not that you will, but it’s another option for your son. Keep progressing towards your mental health goal!
Maybe just add a few more nights a week where it’s more 50/50ish.
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I don’t think you should. It should start out with maybe 5050
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Leave him where he is until you’re healthy. You’ll know without question when the time comes. Being moved back and forth isn’t good for him. Spend as much time with him as you can. It sounds like he looks forward to seeing you and you are following through with consistency. Helping yourself first will help him most! He has only one mother. Take care of her!
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Have you spoken to his father and asked foe possibly more time with your son? Work up to maybe having him full time. This will help all involved.
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If you’re questioning yourself, you’re not ready yet mama. You have to be able to take care of yourself before he comes back full time. Maybe take baby steps, have him more often, ask dad that he spend a holiday with you if he’s not going be home. Speaks volumes that you can admit you’re still not your best self and want what’s best for your little guy. I have a family member who in no shape or form should have her child, she’s even admitted she shouldn’t, but she’s too selfish to do what’s best for her daughter.
Make sure you’re 100% for both your sake and your little guy’s sake! 
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If you’re afraid of relapsing then I would keep custody where it’s at for now. But have a sit down conversation with the father about getting your son on days where he may be alone, or see if you can have more visitation with him at his home. Start out slow and steady before jumping right into something that could affect your son deeply and yourself.
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Yeah id speak to his dad and try to see if he would consider 50/50.
My brothers 9yr old son is with me 50% of the time and with his dad the other 50. We do it as 2-3 nights each. So we both sometimes get weekends and school days.
leave the boy alone just keep it like it is
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I’d say the safest and most dependable place for his is with his dad but do more visits if you can.
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I have a 7 year old who loves to game, the games he prefers to play are one player, so it’s possible your son is quite happy gaming by himself. Also, given his age, I’m assuming your son isn’t literally left alone when his dad is at work and he is left with the other family members that live with him? I don’t see a problem with that given they are his family. If your wanting more time with him i’d talk to his dad about increasing your time to maybe Friday through to Sunday to give yourself and your son an extra day together. But I would make sure you are 100% ready before you make any suggestions to increase your time with him.
I would leave him with his father for now until you feel completely comfortable keep up your schedule with him you will get better
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Before you decide to get him back, you need to deal with the anxiety you feel when you are with him. Is he clingy when he is with you? Have you passed this by with any of the professionals you have talked to? It is beautiful that you care for him. But you must heal first. This is a decision only you can make.
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I am sending much love, luck and healing light.
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You have already questioned yourself about being ready to have him full-time and not really sounding like you are really interested in doing it. If you were truly ready, wanting and stable you wouldn’t be asking this🤷♀️
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Can you increase the amount of time you have him in your home? Maybe ease into full-time slowly. And congratulations on all the work you are doing for yourself and for your son. You should be very proud of what you have accomplished. 
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Maybe try talking to his dad and seeing if you could have him more often? Or ask if you can come over more? Maybe work up to split custody or even full custody eventually. From the way you said things it sounds like you really are doing a great job working on your mental health, routine and stability is super duper important for that. So add him into your routine more often but I wouldn’t swap from now to full time custody. It would be too big of an adjustment.
And you’re very insightful seeing how that would affect your son if you brought him back home with you, then Relapsed, and him have to move back.
Good luck mama! You’re doing great!
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Stop being a wuzz and rin from your problems tighten them panties and take care of that baby you brought to this world.
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He sounds very lonely. Maybe you could up the visits. Before you know it he’ll be grown. I haven’t seen my Son in 25 years, he left and never came back.
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You already answered yourself…by saying you have alot of anxiety when he is there…thats a red flag that you are not ready
.until you are 100% confident in yourself …dont chance another mistake…it might be the last time you’ll be allowed…I think you are on the right road. Keep up the good work…you are worth it…and you and your son deserve another chance Someday…
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You need to heal yourself . Let him be with his father. He is the better option right now. No offense. Get help, get right, work on you
You said he makes you anxious, that isn’t a good sign. You seem to still have a ways to go with working on yourself. Maybe instead of trying to get custody before you are healed enough, try to see if maybe kiddo could spend a weekend with your family (if fit) like your mom, cousins… playdates. That way he could have the day with you still but on another day or so of the weekend have him visit others.
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My opinion is get 50/50 custody. This gives you breaks! Even maybe 4 days with dad, and three days with you. Believe it or not that’s still considered 50/50. My ex and I shared three boys we had 50/50 shared custody. But I had the boys 4 days a week. Closer to 5 days a week really. Maybe he should just have more mommy time even if it’s only 2 days a week and not shared parenting. Mayve even just go to court and demand to have two days a week. And let dad keep full custody. Dear I’m just throwing ideas out there. Truth to be known you know what’s best. Search your heart and do what’s best for you. Best wishes.
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Nope I don’t think you’re ready
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I say don’t jump in to full time add more time and eventually work to full time
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You need to be 100% ready before you get your boy back again. It will be more damaging to him if he goes back to you and then ends up back at his dads because you can’t cope. He has obviously already been through a lot I would be really wary of mucking him around. He needs stability. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things to get there but you’re not quite ready. Keep working on yourself and maybe up the visits for now. It sounds like you have been through a lot and you are doing really well but don’t rush it, be kind to yourself. You didn’t do all of this work on yourself to end up back at square one because you went too fast. The best thing you can do for him is get yourself better 
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Nah, you can’t handle him living with the you full-time especially with your mental health issues. He’s better off with his father. Your energy will affect him … I think deep inside u have a guilty conscious about what happened and how much he loves you when you see him. But in reality you’re fighting to many demons and can’t handle him. His dad has custody for a reason. Next time, call on the holiday or make plans on holidays with him so he won’t be alone. You said it yourself! You answered your own question. You worry about your MENTALITY and your son deserves to be in a healthy environment.
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Speaking from personal experience mental health is a hard thing to deal with. Mad props to you for doing what you’re doing and still keeping that relationship with him. Continue to work on you and make yourself a stronger mom and keep that bond with your son. But make sure you’re ready to fight that battle if he has his has a stable home to live in even though his dad works a lot. My son lives with his father to and I think about him every day and I moved I stayed away. I had to move away to get stable for myself and my other two daughters. But now that I’ve worked on my depression and my sobriety and my credit score I’m ready to move back to be closer with him to fix that relationship.
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I’d say work in doing more visits first.
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Start with few days a week . Regardless he’s your son . Depression is hard , maybe try some more therapy and finding the reason having him makes you anxious.
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Increase the time you have him but respect yourself and your son by not pushing yourself too far. You can admit you can’t handle full time yet. And that is FANTASTIC that you can recognize it.
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That issue you have with Saturday…if you have that much anxiety after one night I don’t think you’re ready for that.
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Work on yourself before getting him back. You’re already doubting yourself. Just talk to your ex about your son always being alone go from there. But you need to be at your best before you care for him full time.
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You already admit you are not ready to be a full time parent again. Why pick fights, drag the three of you through court, and potentially ruin what you already do have, when the outcome will likely be he stays with dad anyways? Dad has appropriate supervision for him while he’s working. There’s no suspicion of being abused or neglected, he’s just given alot of independence. You can play online games with him, FT him, call etc. He may enjoy having that independence that you want to take away.
I think you need to spend more time with him and make sure your mental health is in the right place before making a big leap
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Wait until you’ve figured out what is triggering your anxiety when you have him. Once you know the trigger and work on it then maybe go for extra time. It’s not fair to him or yourself to end up being an anxious mess. I know it’s hard but you can figure this out and get that extra time!!
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Get your anxiety under control first. You don’t want to rush before you are ready and able to cope and you relaps and attempt again. Then ask for more time and work towards 50/50 don’t take him away from dad when he was there when you couldn’t be.
Sorry but he’s not a toy or even a pet
He’s a person.
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Not yet mamma. Keep up the great work!!
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Talk to his father about more time with him or if it’s a special day and his dad won’t be around that maybe you can spend it with him. You said yourself your not ready and THATS OK!
No,no,no!!! It seems like you get good access to him.If you take him out of a stable home which it seems to be and you relapse again that only hurts him. Try adding in a sat night if you can handle it. Add time little by little but at his age he doesn’t need to move households. You may also want to do counseling more than every few months. If your anxiety is that bad after 1 day then you should definitely talk to someone cause you don’t need to attempt adding more time til your head is right. And custody needs to be 50/50 going from dads fulltime to you having fulltime is not fair to kid. He is used to seeing you both and trying to take full custody is unrealistic at this point. Best thing you can do for your boy is get your head right and you and dad work out a fair custody arrangement. Dad seems to be a decent one if you are there thru the week and he welcomes that. Your baby needs you both but he also needs you stable and healthy. It’s ok to not have it together as long as you are trying. I have severe PTSD, general anxiety disorder, and bi polar and I see a counselor 4 times a month atleast, I’m also on meds for anxiety . I have to work at it constantly so I’m stable for my kids… you can too
Start slow by increasing time together maybe have him start staying an extra night a week and slowly increase this
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If he is alone during the day and you are close by then spend more time wirh him. Build up the time you and him are together but do not disrupt his living situation .
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Sounds like the father let’s you come over spend time whenever you want so start by going ans spending more time with him. Take him places like the park or the library I’m sure he would love that.
Wait till you are sure you can handle the situation. Then go for it. I have the same issues you did in the suicide thing. I am still in meds and doing wonderful. I am now a little stressed have my 85 year old mother living with me she has alzheimers. I have 3 dogs and house to take care of also. I am struggling a little with my anxiety level.
I’m proud of you for getting help and sticking to it . I would 100% wait until you are certain you can handle having him with you more often and for days at a time before trying to have him living with you . You could every couple months keep him for longer periods of time , like two days instead of one , and see how that goes . As long as that is okay between everyone . Increase your times together , but if it feels wrong or you go back in a dark place , go back to what you have originally . Parents work , and I know it sucks when your kids don’t have there parents there on special days , but it is apart of life . Sounds like he is doing really well as well . I’d talk with the father and see what can be done , and go from there .
First off, way to go mom!!! I’m so proud of you for getting help now to better yourself for you and your son!!! Second, hugs to you! I know this time is a struggle for you. I suggest talking to the dad and asking if you can have him when dad is gone or at work. Gradually work in more time with your son to help keep your anxiety under control. Continue to pay attention to your mental health and see how you can handle the extra stress also
Maybe start by taking him with you on every other weekend. It would be hard on him and you to just remove him from his home he’s been with his father this long. But do still enjoy your days with him during the week. He’s attached to you because it sounds like you’re the only one showing him attention. Go slow talk to his father and your son and your drs
I second everyone who has said you are a fantastic mother for doing everything you need to do to get yourself healthy for yourself and your child!! I think it would be really good to speak with your psychiatrist and tell them everything you told us. Tell them the anxiety you feel when he’s with you and ask for their help to learn to cope and be prepared for gradually adding more time in with your son. I don’t feel like it would be wise for you to rush into having your son multiple days per week, but maybe instead after talking with doctors, add in you keep him friday night through Sunday at lunchtime or Sunday afternoon. Get both of you acclimated to that and over time add in maybe a day during the week where he comes to your house one evening and does school with you then goes back to dads the next evening. Just remember that it’s less harmful for your son to be alone more than he should, than for him to see his mama go back to struggling the way she was AND for your own sake, that would be super super bad. But more than any of the advice on here, talk with your doctors. Maybe have your psychiatrist help you find a therapist/counselor as well to see every week or so (unless the psychiatrist would do that) to help you in this journey?
Sorry you had to go through a tough time. I would suggest leaving him with your husband. Doesn’t matter if they don’t spend tons of time with him. He isn’t alone. He feels their presence. My mom was always busy washing clothes and ironing and cooking but SHE WAS THERE. That’s all that mattered. My dad was always working in the garden BUT HE WAS THERE. Get better and see him as often as you can for now.
I hope you get all the way down to my comment. Spend more time but don’t go for full time. If you can be with him at dads more then do so. Take care of yourself. It seems you have a great head on your shoulders as you acknowledge your character flaws and know it could be unhealthy. That’s a great mom in itself. You obviously love your son. I will be praying for you