You need to look out for your childs well being and yourself first off. Children see and hear everything. Not every relationship is going to be perfect. They have ups and downs but you either work hard for what you want or walk away. Know your worth. Men don’t always show their emotions or even talk about them. They deal with their own stuff differently. Look for what best for you and your child in the end.
Sounds to me like you’re both playing teenager games. Sit down with him and finalize your plans of either working on it or to go your separate ways. Maybe his actions right now is just another way to bring you to your knees so he can control you even more. Or maybe he’s sick of you playing the little boy who called wolf game all the time with the coming and going which is not only childish but will eventually lead you to being ignored and not taken seriously after a while. Don’t get caught up in the poor-me’s and demand a peaceful one on one conversation to discuss a solid plan to give up or carry on. You can’t make someone love you so move on if that’s what it takes. Life is too short to waste even a moment on nonsense.
Sorry but this sounds extremely toxic and extremely immature. It’s definitely not a good environment for a child. I’d say it’s time to step away and not even consider getting back together or into new relationships until you both mature a little bit.
I stopped reading half way. Just leave. Narrsacist fo not care and they do not change.
I don’t understand people who go back and forth with each other, especially when children are involved. You are screwing your kid up with this nonsense. Either work it out or move on. Stop with the back and forth it’s not healthy for any of you but especially the innocent child
You should listen to or read this book. It will explain why you are addicted to the same negative patterns over and over again and how to get out of them.
If you want to continue to put up with this craziness, then stay. If you want something better for yourself and your child, go. If you choose to go, get a good attorney. Don’t let him get away with any more crap.
That’s toxic move on
When I read this I seriously thought that I was reading a 17-year-old problem. This sounds so immature and ridiculous. Get your shit and run !!! ￼
I’m not even answering this one!
Grow up and get a backbone!
Yep. Get out on your own. Don’t need controlling
12 year olds have no business being in a relationship
Run, don’t walk away and take your son with you, this is a toxic situation and you need to stop exposing your son to it. You both deserve better.
I stopped reading when you said “he came back from work,took the rings and it was over”…to me it seems like he met someone
Show him your “moved on”…By simply moving on.Why do you want to stay with someone who doesn’t care about you anymore?Because you’ve been with him since HS isn’t an excuse.Don’t you think you deserve happiness?? Doesn’t your kids happiness Matter? Stop wasting your time & get moving.
Jezuz i didnt even finish but what sh!tsh0w
He took off his ring!! That should tell you it is over…
My head hurts trying to read this nonsense.
I’m not joking
It won’t get better.
I went through the exact same things with my daughters father. One time we both drove home from his sisters but in separate cars, I had my daughter with me. I took longer to get home because I accidentally missed the exit on the parkway. He insisted I stopped to meet someone. It took me maybe 10 minutes longer to get home and he says I stopped to meet up with someone and fuck with my 2 year old in the backseat lol
I have been there many many times. Don’t stay for your son’s sake. It’s worse for your son. If he sees that, than he will learn to think that it’s ok to treat someone like that. Love isn’t the only thing to keep a marriage alive. Trust, honesty, and communication
He seems to be set on not wanting to be married to you anymore. You can do better
Leave and don’t let him change your mind. He wants you to stay until the lease is up so he doesn’t have to pay the whole thing. Screw this guy and him treating you like this!
This is stipid. Put on your big girl panties and lise him. Don’t wait for the lease to be ended. Just get your shit together now and leave. Get an attorney right away
NB: in my nicest way possible
First off; you both are doing tit for tat and being very immature on both ends. (So you’re at a loss with that one)
You married each other knowing full well this was happening before hand and hoped marriage was going to fix something, but if anything probs just got worse n now more intense.
Fact is if you wanted something to work so bad you would move mountains to try to understand each other; you will allow each other time to speak / communicate and not let ego be the winner in ANY situation.
You need to always communicate openly and honestly and if it hurts the others feelings; then by all means they are allowed to express this and you need to understand and find common ground together, before continuing to move forward.
When there is a problem you both need to learn to talk quietly and in private or don’t bother.
If running away when life gets hard is your go-to option; cos you don’t have patience to hear each other out and want to understand each other; then stop looking back for whatever excuse you may see fits:+1: keep running and stop revisiting sites you couldn’t be bothered with on your first run
But know that when you leave your husband; what ever you think he may had been lacking that you were wanting, you will never find unless you give it to yourself!!!
Also choices YOU make is exactly what YOU wanted and YOU can Not blame anyone else for actions you choose to use to react with when ever you do, at any given time
Get out and away from him he’s obviously only using you at this point !!! Get out and move on for your self physically and emotionally second stop telling him where you are going you don’t need to tell him anything unless it’s about your son go do stuff find a baby sitter go to a wine paint something get away from that !!! Find yourself while you work on finding a new place second and most important!! DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM AT ALL seriously it makes you feel horrible and he’s literally using in the most vile and worst ways possible that will kill you inside and out !! Protecting yourself and your babies is what’s important now he obviously has no care in the world for you unless it suits his needs !! Run !! All of this mental abuse and back and worth is wearing you and him down leaving your son in the path of fire !! If not for yourself do it for him
I know it hurts and some words he is saying can let you believe their is hope. But believe him the first time. If he took his ring off, and said he doesn’t want to be married, beleive him. Go stay with family or friends and find a way on your own two feet. Heal and do better for you and your babe. Stay strong, you CAN do this
You deserve so much better than this. If this is how you want to live the rest of your life than stay- because he’s never going to change. His behaviour is abusive. If this is not how you want to live the rest of your life- leave now. It won’t get any easier. But please be careful
He has moved on and has someone else. Simple and obvious. Leave and start your new life. THAT IS TOXIC IN EVERY WAY. Especially for the child. Very childish. Yall are Not in high school anymore, and people grow apart… Especially after constant fighting and lies… If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your child… If not, your kid will thi k that is how relationships work, and will also never be happy… hugs, stay strong, AND RUN.
It’s time to go for both of your sakes take your Son and take time to heal then move on wish you all the luck
If he’s controlling now…good chance it’s never going to change…in fact it could get worse. Start making a plan until the lease is up. Be prepared.
Personally, I’d suggest therapy. No man wants a wife who runs away when it’s hard. You can’t do that. Neither of you want to compromise and you’re son is learning by watching you. Is dysfunction what you want him to learn?
I wouldn’t stay but that’s up to you. It’s confusing bc nobody has made the decision to actually cut ties. See a lawyer and get it moving. Stop spinning your wheels holding on to a toxic relationship. Sometimes ppl care but always bring out the worst in each other. Unless you both do the work, it never changes. It’s not wmotionally or mentally healthy for any of you.
Grieve for the loss and move forward.
This is an extremely toxic situation that will not only not get better, but will escalate. It will hurt your son more in the end. I’ve been there. The best thing you can do is leave with your son. Then figure out who you are and who you want to be. Learn to live on your own. To the point you love doing so. I’ve been living with my guy for a long time now. I love living with him, but at this point after all of my healing and being on my own…I still have moments to where I’m like…aren’t the guys doing a guy’s only offroad ride this weekend? Hint hint…my son is with his dad…I hear a tub and some relaxing music and me time calling my name…i wanna sleep where im taking up the whole king size bed…lmao. I can’t imagine living without my guy here because it’s been nothing but awesome, but I do like my alone time too here and there. That is where you need to be at. You need to learn to live yourself to the point that you will not accept any less than your worth. I would say try therapy. It does help in so many ways. It is an impartial person who will not judge you letting you get everything out that you need to get out and then take a look at it in many different ways. Good luck. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it really isn’t a freight train. Honest.
He has someone else.
You fell in a trap of continuing behavior. You would have needed counseling to break it. Make sure you don’t fall into the same pattern with any new relationship. I’m so sorry. It feels like the whole world is upside down and your heart will break. Grieve then start putting your new life together. Good luck
Think of the example you are setting for your child
Some things are not good here. Needs further checking out for your safety
Honestly, I’ve been married for 8 years, not long, been together 10 years since 15. And the first few years are ROUGH. I want to say things didn’t look up until 5 years +
We did counseling at the 10 year mark and it made a HUGE difference and it honestly gave us the push we needed. If there’s still a spark, I say try counseling
Im getting a headache just reading this…sounds like this has run its course …time to move on…or be forever stuck in an arguement…I couldnt handle this…
You both need to grow up. If a fight starts over such trivial thing maybe both need some mental help. Next time you pack, stay going.
Do not get drawn into arguing. Doesn’t like your response. Let him not like it. No arguing. You said what you said. It was a perfectly acceptable response. If he wants a parrot, let him get one that will repeat back to him what he said.
You need to think about your son
He has already let go! It’s your turn to let go, unless you can try counselling but he already has one foot out the door
IMO only you are both too immature to be in a relationship and the only one who’s going to suffer is that beautiful little boy. My heart goes out to him
The marriage is over, but do not uproot your family from his home. He wants out, he goes. Your son needs stability.
See a counselor,couples need to trust each other. If that fails get a lawyer, no need for the kids to live in a dysfunctional house. You all deserve to be happy and loved
You need to make a decision; is this how you want to spend the rest of your life or would you like a peaceful life, even if it is spent alone. I myself would see it as life is too short to live that way. And you say you have a son; is this how you want to train your son to treat the woman he supposedly loves?
Just pack up and go… he is using you because he knows he can. This marriage is so wrong for you in every single way
He is cheating! U should move on it will be hard but You will get over it You dont want your son to think that’s the way to treat women, and u want to have peace of mind u said this happens often the arguing and stuff and it hasnt gotten better, and he wants u to stay till the lease is up, Why? He can’t pay the rent by himself? Can u? If u can or can get help get ur son and move out! I’m sure u can have a better roommate then the one u got now, that’s what he is a roommate with an attitude problem remember put your self first u wouldnt want it to get Ridiculously out of control and somebody ending up seriously hurt Your peace of mind and happiness first because u being miserable is Not good for u or your son Hope Situation gets better God Bless u and your son And I hope I’m wrong about the cheating but from personal experience and watching others go thru it That’s what it sounds like to me
Just gather your stuff and your son and move on…don’t argue…its time to move on
He’s a man child. He likes to emotionally abuse you. It doesn’t get better so stop wasting your time and leave. He will try and sweet talk you back, don’t be led back into the drama.
It won’t change, that’s all I’m gonna say.
Tell him to leave. He doesn’t want to be married to you.
Sounds like my ex and I did the best thing ever- walked out that door and never looked back. If there is no trust on his part no use staying.
You leave. Don’t come back. That’s not a marriage that is toxic
Wt happened…2dam long!
Kick his butt to the curb!!
Narcissist. They don’t change so it up to you to cut and run
You two= toxic. You shouldn’t be together at all. Pack and leave, get your poop in a group and when that happens you’ll met the right person. Good luck!!
He’s a narcissist.
Counseling for you
A very controlling relationship Don’t wait for him to change. It won’t happen. Take care of you and your son
Been married to a man child for 47 years and it will never get any better. My advice is to either suck it up or get out of the marriage. I stayed for many reasons but I do wish I had left when I was young. I’m pushing 70 and do not want to live on my own at this stage of my life. You are young so take care of your needs
You are in a abusive relationship, need to move on . Just go and get some counseling to help you cope.This relationship is over.Good luck.
It seems he’s using you and picking fights on purpose because he knows he’s already done and wants you to leave, so his guilty ass won’t feel bad about kicking you out. There’s a lot of emotional abuse and projection going on. He’s probably being entertained by someone else as well.
You can tell him to leave, which will do nothing but escalate things. Or, you can be proactive and do what’s best for you and your son… Leave.
Leave a note saying your goodbye if you wish to, but leave. At this point your son is the priority and your now telling him silently that this is an example of what a man should be… That’s the last thing you want to teach your son.
Plan the departure. Get a new phone and don’t let him know about it or even use it until the day you leave. Don’t share it with mutual friends. On the day you decided you’re ready, pack everything you think you’ll need and leave the rest behind for garbage, because if you go back for it, there will be a fight or the temptation to return to the cycle. Grab your things, grab your son, go to a friend of yours, not his, or your parents. Leave the phone he has access to there and go.
I only read through a quarter of your message and seen controlling 3 times. Leave and stay gone.
He got mad that you didn’t say good morning but you said hey babe? Um you need to run now. That’s not ok behavior and it’s only going to get worse.
You left him once
You can do it again
Only this time stay gone
He’s very controlling and you need to leave him.
I would leave or tell him to leave
You’re in a domestic abusive relationship. Break the cycle. Get help from a DV agency and a safe exit plan. The crazy making behaviors and controlling behaviors you’re describing will NOT disappear. It will not get better. It’s not your job to stick around and sacrifice yourself whilst he MAY or MAY NOT come to a realization that he needs massive treatment and therapy for his issues. Doesn’t appear he is doing any self-reflection and changing behaviors permanently.
U already complained a lot about him, it sounds like u need to leave and get a fresh start so your child doesn’t grow up in a toxic environment! U don’t want ur son thinking the way u both are acting is okay because u know it’s not!
Run. Get out. Sounds like he’s just not healthy. I would also highly recommend therapy for yourself… it helps so much. Take your power back.
You need anger management classes and counseling for management of picking your fights!
by the sounds of it - by saying to him always that u can’t handle him and u both fight over the smallest of things - don’t either one of you’s think about what your son maybe thinking ?By the sounds of it u don’t - what i feel u should do is go and get some help for you burst of anger -like going to a group called anger managment i really think u need it ! And for the both of you i really think that u both should go and see an marriage councilor
This makes me sad , imaging what you’re going through especially the intimate night you shared , just for nothing to change …
Pack your bags , pack sons things and go , run , as far and for as long as your heart can handle xx he sounds adamant that his feelings have diminished and the flame no longer burns … Let him have the life he wants , as hard as it is , your mental health means more to your son than a heart broken , emotionally distraught mama xx
Learn to love again , starting with yourself and son , and maybe by then you’ll be ready to either fix things with a clear conscience or seperate and divorce … either way , the hurt you once felt will only be a memory in itself xx
Goodluck mama xx
Girl take your son and move on and try to show your son it’s going to be alright. Yal are not just confused you’re confusing your child he doesn’t deserve that. No more sex. Be done. And do it quietly.
He could be seeing someone but I think it’s time to leave
The key word you said multiple times is “CONTROLLING”…you CANNOT let your son grow up thinking that it’s ok to be controlling and to be disrespectful to women, especially to his Mother as he’s growing up. You & your son deserve better. Keep in mind that “Actions speak louder than words.” Leave as soon as you can and don’t look back.
Go and don’t look back!!
I would pack your stuff and your son’s stuff up while he is away at work, this is obviously not a good environment for you and your son and in my opinion things will get worse and your son doesn’t need to see that, feel all the tension and arguments between you guys. Yes it will be difficult and hard at first but will be very well worth it, also from now on keep all the text messages and write down everything that is said and or done in a notebook for court. Wish you and your son all the best and if possible keep this group updated please.
Run and dont look back. I left mine after 4 years married. The cheating, mental abuse, blame shifting will never end. Go out and find yourself a young one as a rebound. You feel better. Then wait some time and look for good man to spend the rest of your life with.
He’s a douche & 100% He’s cheating, time to walk away
Get therapy to change your bad habits. Then get marriage counseling to help you both sort things out. It’ll give you an outside perspective about what’s happening, what needs to happen for things to work, and help you both make a plan to either stay together or separate.
In the meantime, talk to a divorce lawyer and get printouts of all assets.
I’d ask him point blank if he’s.found someone else. As painful as it might be, at least you’d have an answer.
I did not read all BUT you both sound young and immature. If you both can give it time, maybe you will grow up!
Look up the power and control wheel and then make your exit plan.
What was his childhood like? Was he emotionally abused/abandoned/overly controlled as a kid? That can cause a person to become insecure and controlling and he’s now trying to receive from you what he didn’t receive as a child as well as control every aspect of his life without realizing that’s what he’s doing.
Its emotional abuse on his part and unless he realizes that’s what he’s doing and gets the help he needs, it won’t stop.
You should be glad to see the back of him he às know respect for you or your son keep him away . He is known roll model for your son and your son will follow in is foot steps and think it’s right to behave that way ànd treat his wife añd family the same he’s doing what he likes when he likes and still continues to control you get rid of him he wants his cake and eat it because he can move on with your son he won’t change but you can good luck never look back
This is my first marriage…run. Right down to knowing him in school/before dating.
Way better the second time!
He does not deserve you ….leave
LET HIM GO. This is a blessing. Because he is making the decision, he won’t put you through as much hell. Been there. Done that. You are only wanting to hold on because your relationship is familiar to you. You are clearly not happy. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
The first thing you do is get a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. Then pack up and get you and your boy out. Do not let him call and upset you, because he will.
This man has no respect for you and with no respect, your marriage will get worse. You’ve already lost a lot of your own self respect and you need to find it again.
Get help to go through this, because this divorce will affect you more than him, AT FIRST. When he sees that you have moved on, his controlling nature will come back out and he’ll be manipulative. Do not let him play games with you.
Try to keep a strong support system around you, whether it be friends, family or a therapist. There is no shame seeking help through this.
Good luck young lady.
You need to Leave asap. This man is sick and I fear he can be dangerous. As a retired psychiatric worker for 35 years I know what I’m talking about. He has no love or respect for you. Please have enough love for yourself and your child to make the break and get out. There is life after a horrible marriage and it will be so much sweeter than what you are enduring now. Get help to leave if you need to, but just get away from him while you still can. Now!
Need to find your own place he is messing with your head, your son needs a stable upbringing, not this silly carry on of adult children and mood swings… come on, let’s think about your son. You can do better for your self if he isn’t trusting with you he is guilty of something I know , I know we hear this a lot but it happens on a regular basis sadly. So be grown up now pack your bags and your sons and go. And Do Not come back please… leave this relationship forever… all the best.
It’s over. Be done with it and move forward
You two to get to counseling. It’s sounds like a lot of crap has built up over the years that you never resolved and you don’t have any kind of effective communication or fighting style so it keeps going wand in circles. Try that and also be prepared that maybe he really is done. Maybe you should try a separation but I think you both need marriage counseling and see what can be done if anything. Good luck.
I have a family member like this, they meet when they were 20 and now they are in there late 50’s and still are doing this crap. Get out or this will be you to.
My ex did the same with going as far as taking his ring off and leaving it off. It did turn out that he was cheating. He actually told me the ring isn’t for me anymore but for his next wife. He was right. That’s a huge red flag even if he’d not cheating. You don’t take your ring off over a fight. It does get better after divorce/split up.
He’s literally telling you he doesn’t want to be married to you and showing it in every way possible. Don’t stay for his convenience go file for divorce FIRST as well as custody of your kid and leave. Go to your parents if you can and don’t go back.