Should I worry about this girl my SO works with?

So I and my SO have been together for 15 years we have two kids together and have gone through a lot of crap together… He was working with this woman for the last few years, and I had noticed he would always talk about her, how she always goes out of her way to do little things for him, and at his Christmas parties when she would walk in his eyes. Would pop … I just had this gut feeling… so long story short, I decided to text him as her ( please don’t judge me, I had to know), and I said, oh, I always felt a connection with you, and he said I did too seeing you in the mornings was the highlight of my day. I then invited him over ( as her), and he came up with an excuse but made plans for the next day to meet up at her house for dinner and drinks. My heart broke, I knew I felt like there was something there between them, and he always said I was just crazy and jealous for nothing… Well, when he came home, I confronted him about it, and he said, “ I knew it was you. I was just playing along and swore up and down for hours that he only wants to be with me and only loves me etc. etc. etc… I’m at a loss on what to do it how to feel. To put a little perspective on our relationship, this man doesn’t go out with his friends, doesn’t drink or party, works his ass off 10-12 + hours a day, comes right home after work, doesn’t go to clubs, doesn’t have Facebook Instagram no social media at all, and doesn’t have a password on his phone and never hides it… this is why I am so confused… am I overreacting? Blowing this out of proportion? Please, mamas give me your advice; I need it

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You busted him. He talked to her and knew it wasn’t her so it had to be you…and that is the best he could come up with. But you did kind of entrap him. He might not have ever said or acted on anything had he not been set up…so not even a true test… you failed.

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So. You made a problem that wasn’t a problem because you were insecure. And are now mad about it.

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Just break up already. Y’all are both extremely immature

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If u feel the need to do that, then the relationship is failing.

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YOU need counseling. He should be pissed!

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Time for you both to go your separate ways

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You already have your answer…

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Yeah if you have to do all of that, then you need to leave. If he was that good of a man then you wouldn’t have these insecurities.

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Maybe he knew it was you cuz he was with her…

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sounds like YOU created a problem…grow tf up…

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Get therapy for you and let him move on. Bc creating a problem in your mind, then convincing yourself its true, and creating potential drama bc of it Is definitely abnormal.

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He didnt know it was you. He is lying. If he knew it were you then why would he put you through that and say those hurtful things. He would say Im in a relationship or something.

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If he knew it was you, then he either would have 100% been a good boy to prove how wonderful he was… or made an outlandish joke of it, like “I’ll come over, but you have to dress like a sexy clown” or something. Him saying that he knew it was you, but still proved himself to be a cheater makes no sense.

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You already have your answer.

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He knew and was ready to cheat. Deal with it or move on

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Yeah right! That excuse was just a way to cover his ass. He thought that was her. And let me tell you I thought the same thing about my ex. I swore there was no way he was cheating because he never went out if he did he kept in communication with me and when he was online he didn’t hide anything. He even told me if he was talking to a female and would let me see the convos and there was nothing out of the ordinary that I saw. Well I learned that was a ruse to throw me off so I wouldn’t think anything. Turns out he was trying to hook up with other females and was even bad mouthing me and even telling these women we weren’t together.

Even if he would have known it was you (doubt that) the fact that he was willing to do that to you is awful

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Without trust you have nothing.

I’m curious how you texted him as her…? Did you like create a fake account and use her picture? Or did you have her phone? I’m confused by that a little bit.
Either way, seek counseling. You both need it.

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This relationship sounds over. He would have cheated if given the chance, I don’t believe that he knew it was you, he is lying because he got caught. And the fact that you would go to those lengths and do what you did sounds like you really don’t trust him at all, so why are you even still with him? You catch him doing this and then go on and on in your post talking about what a great man he is, why? He clearly isn’t and you have issues too, what you did was very high school, you both need to grow up and go your separate ways.

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The way he talks about her and his face when he sees her should tell you compared to how he reacts over you should tell you. I didn’t leave the man who felt that way with another women, he left me and then they got married soon after. It’s hard starting over but you should have someone who feels that way about you, we all should.

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Please leave him. He’s a compulsive liar.

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My husband cheated on me with a co worker so don’t blow it under the rug

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Hes gaslighting and manipulating you i dont think you need to grow up sounds like you listened to your intuition

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Nope, he did not know it was you and is acting inappropriately.

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He’s lying :100: of course he’s going to say he knew it was you because he’s got nothing else. If he knew it was you he would have said something during the message rather than when he got caught. I wouldn’t trust him one bit, he clearly has zero respect for your feelings or he never would have made you feel like you were crazy in the first place.

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I’m still stuck on how you were able to text him as her?! Did you steal her phone? Is there now an app for this?

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My parents are going thro that now. We just decided she is his work wife and his go to outside of the home. As long as they just stay work partners and not real partners

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I mean if you felt the need to go to that extent, you already know your answer. :woman_shrugging:

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Man some of these comments are just brutal. What happened to no shaming, judging etc? This page is just filled with a bunch of mom bullies. It’s really sad.
That being said, you have insecurities for a reason and only you truly know what they are. We don’t know the other crap you guys went through.
As much as a good man he may be, he is missing something in his life as it seems you are too.
Try counseling if you want to salvage the relationship. It’s gonna take time. I hope either way you find peace in whatever you choose!

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He didnt know it was you!

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Yea he’s definitely lying.

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We all are vulnerable to compulsive liars. Does he ever lie senselessly? Life without trust is not worth much.

Your not overeating at all,
Seems very shady and I would be asking for a break at the very least.

Ans believe me, once the trust is gone there’s nothing left.

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Trust your gut. My gut feelings have never been wrong

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He’s definitely lying and is taking interest in that girl at work. You would be crazy to stick around with him.

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My advice go with your gut feeling.

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Sorry about you- let him go… my ex of 8 years cheated on me with a girl he worked with while my dad was passing and I took care of him and worked and cared for our children. Took me a few months to figure it out- when I did- he was out the door- don’t wait, tell him being honest won’t hurt as bad and if it’s time to move on then move on. No need for heartache when there’s children involved- do what’s best for them

YOU gas lighted and deceived HIM. you let your fear drive you to engage in behaviors that are not healthy in a relationship. You might have had a conversation with him about your worries, about your fear, about your jealousy. Instead you tried to trick and fool him. You can’t change his behavior. You can only explain to him how his behavior makes you feel and hopefully out of love and consideration for you HE will change. You DO have complete control over your own behavior. Consider why you would deceive him instead of communicating. Do you not trust him to value your feelings?

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My ex cheated on me while we were together with his ex. One of the first telltale signs was he talked about her… a lot.

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Always , follow your gut. Right under your nose,

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He’s lying! Always trust your gut feeling.

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Sounds like you should be worried about your husband…not the female

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Nwver underestimate these sons of adam

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He did not know it was you. He was caught and tried to come up with something. I think you knoe your answer

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Honestly it’s hard to know. He could have known it was you and played along to see how far it would go. Truthfully too if it’s as you say it is then he knew something like that wouldn’t come from her because they already had something going on. However he could have done as he said just to see how far you’d let it go because maybe she already said something and he told her how it was and didn’t want to tell you because he knew the response from you and he took care of it. If it were me and I had to go to extent it’s over because I wouldn’t know what to believe. And if you don’t have trust you don’t have anything. If you love him and believe you both need to go to therapy to work out your issues.

It’s likely he went to work and spoke to her about what time and address and stuff and found out it wasnt her texting and came home to you. If his eyes are lighting up around her with you around that tells you all you need to know.
Run away

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He may have lied about knowing it was you because you embarrassed him. It sounds like he has no friends, and has developed a nice rapport with someone from work. Maybe he didn’t pick for it that to be with a woman, but there it was. You crossed a line and you were unfair. I think you should see a therapist, and start working through your issues, then you can invite him to a few sessions and work together. Though, now… you may have already opened a door you can’t close. Only time and open/honest communication with him will tell.

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Girl you gaslighted him. It’s a hard one but trust your gut!

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Wow, some of you woman need to get off your high horses, knocking someone down and calling her abusive when she’s clearly at a bad point,

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He works and comes home. To you. You go behind his back and try to trick him. You went out of your way to text him from a number that wasn’t yours. You tried to set him up. You created this whole thing out of your head. You need to seek therapy and he needs someone better.

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He ls only saying that because he got caught… dont do sneaky stuff to find a reaction and not do anything about it.

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“…gone through a lot of crap together” already tells me that even if he is cheating you’re not going to leave him.

I’m confused about how you texted him pretending to be her. Unless you were texting him from HER phone number, then of course he knew it was you.

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I once had this issue with my husband and a woman he worked with, about 7 years ago. She was known around the shop as his “girlfriend”. They clearly spent alot of time talking, and then it turned into talking outside of work. The reason I found out was because he went to drill for the weekend, and left his Facebook signed in on my laptop, and the messages popped up.
I read all the way through them, and some how had it in me to wait until he came home two days later to confront him about it. He was honest and said he did feel an attraction to her, but talking to her like he was, was inappropriate. I then messaged her to get some answers. She was apologetic and mostly blamed it on her “being overly flirty” with everyone. Oh, she was also married.
Anyway, the conversations stopped for a while, then I found out they had started picking up again, and told him I was about ready to separate… mind you, this all happened after a year long deployment and our relationship was rocky, at best, and we were young.
I talked to them both again, and told them to knock it off. I believe I threatened to send the messages to her husband too.
From what I know, they avoided each other at work unless absolutely necessary after that, and she eventually left the shop to go to nursing school.
Turns out though, she was having an affair, and would have the guy pick her up at work and almost flaunted it there, everyone knew, I guess?
So, in the end, trust your gut and stand up for yourself girl.

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Will a snake bite? Sometimes you need a picture of the BULLSHIT. Trust your judgement all pictures don’t show the full story. Look closer sis​:woman_cook::woman_cook::woman_cook:

I think you opened a door for them.

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All these, ‘if he really knew, and said that, then he is a horrible man’ responses make me eye roll. What she did to him first merits some karma back. You don’t get to wave fingers like you’re on some higher moral ground when there was cheating the system and lying to begin with. If I was him I would have done the exact same thing.

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Always trust your gut

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This is a strange situation. At first I’d think it was all in your head but the messaging him is interesting. I’m assuming he already has her number though so it would seem rather odd to be getting a message from an unknown number. He could also have checked with her to see if she changed her number before messaging back. I honestly think you crossed a line here, going behind his back and trying to trick him. And maybe he was giving you a taste of your own medicine by playing along.

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I don’t understand how you can text as another person. Wouldn’t he know?

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Well, you ever heard the saying, dont create something out of nothing. You created this new mess, now the question is, will he forgive you? I feel like if my partner ever did something like this, I would leave cause if there’s no trust, there’s no relationship.

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Don’t let people make you feel bad for testing your husband. You had a feeling based on the way he acts towards her around you. If it’s obvious when you are around, I can only imagine the way he acts when you are not around. If he knew it was you, he totally would have said no thanks, I’m married. The sad truth is that a lot of people will cheat if they think they can get away with it.

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I don’t understand how you text someone as someone else ?

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He was planning to meet her. That tells you all you need to know right there. He didn’t think it was you.

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Why didn’t you just ask him? Tell him what’s in your heart and ask him. What you did, was sneaky. That’s just not fair

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I mean if he had been talking to her then he’d know her number. The fact he played along tells me he did think it could be her but also that they must not have texted in the past

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Sounds like you are feeling a little insecurity. Talk to your hubby about it, tell him how you are feeling and why. And make sure to listen to what he is saying, as a woman i understand and realize we can let our overthinking emotions get the best of us. But your hubby sounds like he doesnt have time to fool around and is a hardworking man just trying to provide for his family. Wishing you the best of luck momma

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Your gut feeling is never wrong

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Maybe he knew it was you because he and her have already talked about it before and maybe she rejected him. Could you talk with her maybe? You want to think the worst and the best at the same time

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He went to meet her :woman_facepalming:t2: and said they had a connection. I’d be mad.

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Girl he knew it was you cause he’s already got her number

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If there’s one thing I’ve learnt over the years when it comes to relationships and even friendships - trust your gut. People lie, people try to blind you from the truth for their benefit, your gut does not lie. Or mine never has. I once woke up in the middle of the night with a hard gut feeling that I could not shake, so of course I tried calling my boyfriend at the time and he would not answer, though he immediately messaged back. He said all the pretty things we want to hear and put my heart at ease, making me think I was crazy for assuming anything. I found out months later that he was literally having sex with someone else when I started calling that night and my calls interrupted them so they stopped. My point being, I should’ve trusted my gut and saved myself a lot of heartache. A cheater will do everything in their power to hide the truth from you and make you think you’ve lost your marbles & are acting irrational for no reason. EVERY SINGLE time I felt some type of way over my ex husband’s “chick friends,” he made me out to be a jealous, control freak. Guess what! When the truth came to light (as it always does), turns out, he cheated with every single one of those girls. I wasn’t “jealous” for no reason - my gut was trying to tell me something.

Had he known it was really YOU behind the messages, I honestly think he would’ve said something along the lines of “I know this isn’t girls name because she’s never came onto me like this before” to make you stop questioning it or even just simply said “you know I’m a married man.” I used to trick my ex husband with stuff like this all the time so I totally get where you’re coming from. Half these commenters are saying “why didn’t you just talk to him… why didn’t you ask him” I’ve been cheated on a million times and lemme tell ya, the whole “just ask em” shit doesn’t work. THEY LIE! When I’d catch my ex cheating by snooping through his messages, he’d always get tore up that I was “nosey” We never actually fought about his infidelities, he always flipped the script and made the fight about my snooping… becauseeee “you’d never knew if you didn’t go through my shit” I once ‘cat-fished’ him with a fake profile on MySpace and he even blew off our plans that we had together to go meet this “girl” at a hotel - I had the intent on being on the other end of the hotel room but it didn’t play out the way I wanted it to, but still yet, “she” received messages from him saying stuff like “I’m at the hotel, hey it’s me knocking on the door, are you still wanting to hang out” blah blah and finally he gave up and came home where he had some kind of BS excuse as to where he had been, then when I confronted him and let him know that I was that “girl” he had been talking to - he pulled the same “I knew it was you, so I played along to teach you a lesson” card. You may believe your guy but I knew better than to believe mine. I stayed with a lying, cheating monster for 10 years because I ‘loved’ him and couldn’t imagine my life without him in it - and that will forever be my biggest regret. I wasted so much time on someone who disrespected and degraded me from day one leaving myself with no self worth. I didn’t value myself and I surely didn’t love myself. It’s been over 4 years since my divorce and I still find myself fighting the “not good enough” feeling. Don’t be like me. Trust your gut. He obviously knows how you feel about him having a friendship with said girl, and while I’m totally against couples controlling one another and their friendships, I still feel as though if he really respected you then he’d maintain a distance from her because you’re clearly not okay with them being friends.

if he thought it was you, he wouldn’t have played into it… he’s full of shit. & even if that was the honest truth, he’s a dick for doing that bc clearly thats showing you have concerns so he should of shut it down right there to make you believe he would & give you the reassurance you’re looking for. that’s a dick move to you with your feelings even more. but he guaranteed is lying… he thought it was her & now he doesn’t wanna be caught. i wouldn’t have told him so easily & waited to see what he said to me first about it or if he went & lied telling me he had to work late or something while you knew he was actually making these plans.

U just hooked them up ll

Definitely shouldn’t have said anything and let it ride out but yes he was definitely going to meet her been their same thing no Facebook no instagram ect same exact situation guess what he was cheating with her for a while and I never new :sob: just trust your instincts he is definitely lying tell him to get a new job or work complete different shift then her if he argues tell him good bye

If he was cheating on you he wouldn’t tell you about her at all … what you did was tell him you don’t trust him and try and trap him… wouldn’t be surprised if you just ruined your relationship

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Yes you’re slightly overreacting but understandable if you don’t have good self esteem which it doesn’t like. If there’s no trust there’s nothing.

Communicate your feelings to him. Talk about why you suspect their is something. Ask him if she likes him but, he shut her down or ask if he likes her. Talk about it with him.

Toxic as fuck. I wouldn’t be surprised if you just destroyed your relationship.

I’m confused how you texted him pretending to be her??

If you trust him and he’s really given you no reason, you probably should have just talked with him.

Playing games just creates a giant mess.

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Ok I’m lost… how did she text him pretending to be her?

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You sneaked and lied and accused him how is he supposed to trust you if you don’t lose the insecurities you will lose the relationship and it will be on you

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Well you kinda created your own can of worms. However if they are determined to cheat things can be deleted and erased and rebooted.
Privacy settings on google keep your history clean. Ive had to delete apps because I was trying to load other things or take videos and then Reloaded the app later. Hugs. Instinct tells you everything you need to know. It’s been a long enough relationship that you know.

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Lol yeah he works this and that blah blah blah my moms husband did not have socia media no friend no nothing just work and home … but all this years for three years straight was messing with a woman at he’s work and that’s we’re they did their thing they wore together for the longest time until my mom found out … just because he works and doest have nothing else besides works doesn’t mean he ain’t cheating he could be

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I think if he wasn’t cheating he may start now. The girl just opened up and said she felt a connection with him and he went to her house and had dinner and drinks. I may be to old fashioned but my hubby would have his ass handed to him if he went to a single ladies house alone for dinner and drinks. However, how did he know it was you unless the other woman told him so mabye they already were and she told him because why would he say that if they were already sleeping together.

Sorry, I am old school, can’t comfort you or him, you should never be kiving

Regardless of whether he did or didn’t do anything. You both need some counselling. Sounds like a good relationship on the road to bad. Why would you ever try to trick your SO into something like this. SMH…something really wrong here …on both ends

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He’s interested in her for sure

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But where was he when he was supposed to be going to her house?

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As someone who has been in your shoes, all I can say is trust your gut instinct…my then husband swore up and down he wasn’t cheating, I also texted him pretending to be the other woman and he fell for it! You’re gut feelings never lie

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Honesty, I would be weirded out by this.

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I would not have confronted him and see if he made an excuse to go out the next night. Usually your ‘gut’ is right but your heart gets in the way. Then you find yourself questioning yourself. Stay vigilant is all I can suggest.

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You definitely should have waited to confront if he actually went to “her house” that way you’ll have everything you need … Anyone could use the excuse that he knew it was you … But at the same time … I’ve dealt with my own shit when it comes to my SO with female coworkers so I totally get your mind set … My trust issues are sooo messed up I don’t even trust myself half the time

Obviously she did it for a reason, some people are so negative, obviously u should have just let him cheat on you lol

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I do not think he has time to run around on you

Always trust your gut. It’s never wrong.

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You went looking for trouble…you found it. At least be woman enough to admit it, apologize and work on your trust issues. I think the person who needs to check themselves out is in the mirror. Sorry…I am old school like that.

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I wish the women in this comment section would be more supportive and encouraging to a fellow wife and mother who is reaching out for help. I can see why you did what you did, even if it wasn’t the right move.
My advice is for you guys to go to marriage counselor. My husband and I saw a marriage counselor about 4 years ago and it helped our marriage so much! We also had an issue with a female coworker who was crossing boundaries and my couldn’t understand why the things this women did were upsetting to me. The counselor helped us work through that issue, amongst many others, and to this day we still talk about how grateful we are to our counselor. Ive been in your shoes and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, I wish you all the best and all the happiness in the world!

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No your not over reacting but u either need to trust him or get more proof of what u think hes doing with all u say he does it dont sound like hes got a lot of time for a girl friend