Do you think the kid’s feelings and opinions should be taken into consideration when it comes to divorce? Scenario: I told my husband I want a divorce, and he is begging for one last chance. It’s been ten years, and I’m unhappy, and not only that but so are my kids. My three older kids are from my previous marriage, and we have a 3 & 9yo together. I’m just curious if y’all would take the kid’s feelings into consideration when deciding to try again or just get divorced.
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You need to do what will make you happy. If you are unhappy the kids will see it and feel it. I stayed in a relationship much longer than I should’ve because I thought I should keep trying for my sons sake. Little did I know that he was unhappy too. It hurt my heart! I would have split so much sooner had I known! But it was just like my childhood. My parents were unhappy, we could tell, but they thought they should try to stay together for us. When the happiest day for us was when they split! They were so miserable together that we felt it! Do what you need to do to be happy, it will make you a better parent!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should kids feeling be taken into consideration when getting divorced? - Mamas Uncut
When my parents got divorced they talked to me and my sister and asked what we thought about it.
No
They might need some counseling or something but an unhappy mom makes unhappy kids
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Honestly if my mom wasnt happy i wouldnt be either
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Yes please talk with all your kids about it! We didn’t really get a choice back then with our parents but now that we’re all older & understand things more we wish we did!
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You don’t stay together for the kids happiness. Sorry.
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Kids adjust and it’s actually better to be in a split up household then it is to be in a toxic household trust me. I grew up in a toxic household till my parents finally divorced when I was 15 but I started self harming and attempted suicide since age 12 cause of the toxic environment. Yes the children will need time to adjust to the new living rearrangements which is y it’s usually recommended having some sort of therapy in place for the children plus yourself. If you’re unhappy you can’t be the best parent to your children cause they can feel the difference in your mood once your husband gets home and I bet it feels like a knife can cut the air tbh. You need to do whatever is best for yourself cause like I said kids can adapt to situations like this a lot better than adults can
Of course you take their feelings into consideration. But you shouldn’t stay there if you’re not happy. And neither should your children
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Talk to them yes but they should not have a say in the divorce
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If your happy your kids will be happy. Period.
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To an extent… do not stay in a relationship for the kids, they will resent one if not both of you… if you’re not happy discuss that it’s ok to get divorced and reiterate however many times you need to that it’s not their fault and you both love them very much
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No. Not that their feelings don’t matter. Of course they do. But what should be considered is if the marriage is a healthy on with problems that could be saved with work and perhaps therapy etc or is this an unhealthy relationship that is causing irreparable damage to your children…?! This decision is yours and yours alone to make.
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I know you’re wanting opinions from other momma’s who have been through what you’re going through but just an outsiders opinion…me and my sons father were never married and thankfully so because it was a toxic relationship on both parts…but going through it all we both realized it was better for him to see and have two happy parents versus him having us together and being miserable.
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Absolutely, however that doesn’t mean stay in an unhappy marriage to protect their feelings…it means to address it with the children, make them aware of the separation and offer some supports for them to manage their emotions/feelings surrounding the divorce.
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Talk to your children. And if you decide divorce is the option then at least try to get along with your partnership work things out fairly for all
Of course. But, you have to do what’s best for the well being of all of you! I wouldn’t badmouth him or anything. Try to make the divorce the least stressful for them as possible.
You and your husband should have a serious talk about the way they are going to take thing’s. Keep the kid’s informed of what is going on, just be truthful. Not to say you have to tell them every little thing of course. But, some people completely disregard their children’s feeling’s and emotions through divorce and not always because they mean to.
It’s a hard thing to have to deal with for everyone. If you feel in your heart that thing’s are over then that’s what it needs to be. If it’s fixable, then I say don’t give up. It all really depends on what made you come to this point, I suppose.
I hope it all works out for you and the kiddo’s 
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Take all feelings in such a matter.
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It should be but it’s usually not
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No. If you’re not as happy as you can be, the kids won’t be as happy as they can be either.
My mom stayed with my dad for my sake and that definitely weighs on me.
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I told my friend who asked me the same thing recently…What are you teaching your kids by staying in an unhealthy relationship? Your kids will grow up and mirrow your and your husband behaviors. If you wouldn’t want your son or daughter to be in a relationship of marriage exactly like you are in then you need to leave. And show them that their mama can handle it all as a single mom and then be happy in a new relationship later on in life.
She did leave and her and her kids are so much happier and she’s rocking it. 
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Kids will befine they got there life live yours
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I don’t care what anyone says. Always consider the child. My daughter is 37 and hates me for leaving her dad and marring someone else.
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A single mummy is better than seeing an unhappy marriage or partnership, they will grow up and think that is a normal partnership/marriage.
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I’m glad my parents divorced, having to listen to their toxic shit was horrid. They are both much happier, nicer people away from each other
Nobody said you have to go straight to divorce. Seperate and it takes time to get a divorce. Get counseling for everyone involved. Maybe you and the hubbies can agree to meet for coffee or dinner and get to know each other again. Take your time !! But you do not have to go straight to divorce if you are not certain and it sounds like you are not !!
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I’ve really been struggling with this one. My 6yo son says at least once a week that he wishes his dad and I could go back to liking each other and my heart breaks for him. On the other hand, he gets to see his mama happy, he gets to see what a healthy relationship looks like now and he gets a bonus parent who loves him and is introducing him to some of the most fun things he’s ever done. He wouldn’t get that if I had stayed with his dad.
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Yes I wouldn’t consider how the kids feel. That’s a big move for the whole family.
It’s unhealthy for everyone, adults and kids, to stay in an unhappy marriage. That teaches kids to settle for less than in their relationships.
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You should definitely consider the kids feelings. But I believe you should have an open conversation with them about it. Your feelings might get hurt by what they have to say but you won’t be able to get upset with them for sharing. If you’re not happy your kids see that. And what are we teaching our kids by staying in a place that isn’t happy or healthy?
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Absolutely! Kids are people too. They don’t deserve misery. That’s what they get in an unhappy home! My Mom should have left my Dad but she didn’t and we grew up miserable and resentful!
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If you are unhappy in your marriage , your kids will feel the weight of it . Leave, sis. Two happy homes is better than one toxic household.
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Take the kids into consideration as u are divorcing otherwise marriage counselling…
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Divorce can be a good thing it is how you and your husband work together after that matters most. If you can put aside your differences to work together for the kids happiness and well being by never speaking negatively about the other patent, by showing the kids you both care about them and their feelings. My parents spent many holiday dinners together despite not wanting to be near each other because they knew it meant a lot to us kids. They put aside all bitterness for our birthdays, they worked together to meet our needs. If you can manage that your kids will love your efforts and appreciate it.
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Talk to your kids and ask them what you should do and then do what is best for you and your children
Hang In There. Dont mess up 4 lifes
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Umm as long as your partner has been a good parent you should share custody. Your feeling and theirs shouldn’t matter when it comes to what’s best for the kids. They need both of their parents.
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I would wait till their out of the home on their own! I have always hear from adults whose parents divorced when they were young that it was the worst time of their lives. Divorce affects the kids as well. They are never in one home . They have to pack and go to dad’s then back to mom’s to sleep in different homes, several days a week or whatever the legal agreement is. Remember to take all their belongings. Then the emotional trauma of their family not being together as a family any longer. I could go on and on. Divorce is definitely very hard on the children.
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Only divorce if you feel absolutely certain you have tried everything and still want out. Of course kids feelings matter but yours and there happiness is very important!
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You have no idea the damage divorce does on kids . Matters not their age ! People say kids are resilient —- they are not when it comes to divorce ! Unless you are in an abusive marriage or adulterous relationship has occurred , I beg you to reconsider . I wish you could ask this question to my 3 grown Kids . They would tell you the permanent damage it has caused them all of these years . Try marriage counseling Instead and church . Please ! I urge you to please take heed to my wisdom. I know of what I speak !
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Listen to the kids.
They are part of the family!!!
Counseling for sure.
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No. There’s somethings that have to remain a choice between adults.
Your kids may not want you to leave but then they’ll see you suffer.
Or they want you to leave and you could be truly happy in your relationship.
Divorce is for adults and while it’s hard on kids, they’ll live.
In the long run it hurts them more staying in a situation where you or your partner aren’t happy, they feed off that …it can be more damaging for them staying there for them! Sometimes a separation helps the adults involved plus the children …can even make you closer friends with your ex xx personal experience here xx
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its okay to pursue your own happiness, if one partner or the other wants out its better to let them go before it gets messy and even more painful
Mine never were!! In fact I was called into court to testify against my own father!! Nice huh?? He would hit and abuse my Mother, but I should never have been put in the middle of their fight!! Not something you ever forget nor do you ever set your child against her parents.
I kept trying and trying with my ex and unfortunately it was just to toxic on us all.
Yes it was so hard in the first few months for my youngest but my eldest who was 12 was so relieved as she witnessed so much anger and fighting etc.
Do what your gut tells you. But remember the reason why you are getting a divorce.
it’s not better for anyone to stay it never is, it just breeds contempt, anger, and misery, leave while you still have the ability to co parent , seriously it’s not worth it
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Dear heavenly Father show this family how important it is for us to give our problems to You in this world so full of unhappy children that are being torn apart from parents not understanding what we need in life. We all need You
I absolutely think kids opinions matter.
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I didn’t understand why my parents split when I was 6. At the time it was very confusing. I was told they didn’t love each other but they both love me. I’m grateful that wasn’t told the details. Some things children don’t need to know. Protecting them from all kinds whilst still being true to yourself and your heart is very important I think.
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Nope. If mum aint happy no ones happy. They will thank you for it in the end. Sometimes you have to put your own feelings first instead of everyone else’s, which is what majority of mothers do and they end up in a cycle of continuous unhappiness because they think they should stay for the sake of the kids. Don’t do it. Stay true to your heart
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Obviously something wrong if your kids are wanting out
Never stay together for the children, ever! X
Your kid’s will be way more happy when you’re happy. I’m the kid whose parents stayed together because of them and it wasn’t better.
No. Most children have absolutely no concept of marriage. My daughter assumed marriage meant having a baby until we told her otherwise. All it is to them is two people who love each other and live together really, when marriage is so so so much more.
They also haven’t been in the situation themselves to understand. Of course they won’t want you to break up.
Think of it this way- you’ve just hired a 12 year old to be the store manager at your business with no experience. Crazy right? They probably can’t even spell business let alone manage one.
Now put that back to your relationship.
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ABSOLUTELY.
If your husband is cheating or abusive then get a divorce.
If not then get counseling, learn to love each other again. Don’t just give up because you’re no longer happy. marriage is never easy all the time.
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Yes! Their feelings should absolutely be considered.
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Sometimes and depending on how you feel. Kids need to see a happy mom more than anything. If you want to try again try but don’t do it because you think it will be better for the children. Sometimes the beat opinion is leaving
Yes. Unless its an abusive situation they y gott go. N take them with ya.
You want out. That’s enough.
No. They have not been through or feeling what you are feeling. You should not. Just sit with them and make them understand your decision and no way change your decision once taken. Secondly, they are viewing your decision with a perspective of parents being separated while the decision should be made on the grounds of 2 people continuing their lives as life partners. You can decide better for yourself!
YOU DAM SKIPPY!!! It’s not their fault their pos parent’s decided to get selfish midway through life because they can’t hold to their vows.
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If it isn’t a healthy relationship then part ways. However just from experience, the divorce will prompt the kids to ask questions and that’s natural. But I can’t stress this enough before you divorce please get together on how you will coparent. That may be the only thing you have left in common but it’s the best thing. Let the kids have that security in knowing you are a United front for them and don’t talk ugly about each other. Something I read not long ago. “Kids first, Ego last”. Wishing your family success and peace through this painful process.
Just remember your kids are not your counselor, they don’t need to know all the details of your divorce and just let them love their parents and they didn’t choose their parents .
And do not put a child in as your go between for visitation or problems .
Kids just get pulled along in adults life , they have to grow up to fast already .
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I wish my parents had gotten a divorce instead of forcing their relationship for years. Our household was tense, uncomfortable and now that I’m an adult I realize my mother deserved so much better than my dad. She wasted some of the best years of her life unhappy “for the kids”. They divorced once we were adults and I so wish for everyone’s sake they had done it when we were kids and they were unhappy. Would’ve saved us all an immense amount of trauma
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Kids aren’t a sole reason too stay together
Yes they’re feelings matter too.
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My sisters and i grew up in a toxic household, my dad worked hard, we wanted for nothing we had holidays a car and a colour tv when most ppl didnt BUT we were desperately unhappy most of the time, he was a terrible husband, he used to hit my mum, we would here him and her crying, i used to come downstairs and beg him to leave her be. He used to grab hold of me and push me back out the door, he was a total bully, days when they were talking and laughing were few and far between, please dont stay together for the kids if your unhappy they will be too xx
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should kids feeling be taken into consideration when getting divorced? - Mamas Uncut
I think you’ve been taking the kids feelings into consideration for 10 years lovely, it’s time to take your own into consideration!
I dont want to tell you to break up a family home, but you are a role model! teach those kids to reach for the stars not just settle for what you’ve got! Xx
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Yes, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that means you should stay. Think long term, the impact of the example set by this relationship to your children. Do you want to teach them that it’s better to put yourself through an unhappy relationship to save face? Or do you want them to know that it’s okay to walk away when something has run its course? You have an opportunity to model so much for them in this moment. By choosing happiness, you teach them it’s okay to choose happiness. It will be difficult at first, but in the long run it’s the best example you can set
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I can honestly say my parents getting a divorce was the best thing they ever did, now they’re both happy with new partners and I got to see what healthy relationships look like growing up
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I’d still go for the divorce. But consider the kids feelings when it came to custody
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2 happy homes are better than 1 unhappy home.
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The marriage is about you and your husband, not the children. If the love is gone then no, it’s about you not them. Sometimes it’s easier to be a family when mommy and daddy aren’t together anymore. I get along much better with my daughters dad now that we’ve been separated for a while. We’re better at parenting together, we don’t fight nearly as much. It’s so much healthier for us all now
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As a kid from divorce I would rather 2 happy single parents that than unhappy married ones. My parents gave it a go to after their first separation for the kids. But sitting in bed and hearing them argue in the at night was horrible. I was 10/11 when they first separated and 12 when they got back together, they finally separated when I was 16 and it was the best thing for the family. I have issues because of it.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should kids feeling be taken into consideration when getting divorced? - Mamas Uncut
Depends. If staying married hurts your kids, then you gotta factor them in… but if a parent is just unhappy, but the other parent/spouse isn’t hurting you in any way, or causing any disruption, you just don’t want to be married anymore, and the kids are happy and healthy, then at some point you have to decide whether you’re acting selfishly or not. All situations and people are different. There is no one right answer
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It’s is completely possible for the kids to be happy and to feel whole after divorce. They may not understand this or be able to foresee this, but as an adult, you do.
If you allow their opinions to guide your decisions regarding a divorce you feel justified in pursuing, you may be inadvertently stealing the happiness you all deserve, but that right now, only you have the maturity to see as possible.
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As an adult, I look back on my parents divorce as the best thing that happened to our family. I also now can appreciate my parents for who they are as people and that they needed to separate so they could both be the best possible versions of themselves. It might be tough for them at first but they will understand in time. Do what makes you the best version of yourself , you deserve it and so do your children 
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The kids should not even more that it’s up for debate IMO I already knew that I was causing my kids pain but adults need to make the adult decisions. In the long run, it might hurt them now but it sounds like they’ll be better off in the long run. Good luck.
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Personally I think the kids feelings should be to the degree of finding out how to make the process easier on them but you have to be happy to keep them happy to they see you upset and feel the tension if it’s best then it’s best do whatever you need to but explain everything in a age appropriate way for the kids and help them through too it’s very hard on them as well as you.
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Nope…this is an adult situation and kids don’t belong in the middle of adult situations…this is between you and your husband and the kids have nothing to do with it…kids need to be kept out of grown folks business.
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It’s a lot of emotions for kids to go through their parents splitting, but no. If it’s healthier for you guys to split than stay together, just do it. Because in the end, it’ll cause your kid(s) to see arguments and u happiness rather than split and May end up being better.
But I do think they should voice their feelings if it makes them upset and explain it in a way that they’ll understand on what’s happening.
If the kids are miserable then absolutely. But if they’re perfectly happy and you’re still miserable which is unlikely because kids pick up on things like that then it’s still right to do what makes you happy as well. Divorce is hard but the kids absolutely need to see both parents happy.
If your kids are unhappy and you are unhappy. I think the decision is made and that is factoring in the kids feelings already. You can’t let them control or make the decisions as far as the divorce goes or if you wanted to try again… but if he’s begging for a second chance, what is going to change? Why are you unhappy? Why are the kids unhappy? Is there something in the marriage that needs to change for you to be happy and for the kids to be on board to getting happy? These are the questions you need to think about. If you cannot come up with a goal for the relationship that could make you happy, it might be time to throw in the towel.
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Kids feelings in my opinion only matter so much. More so to help them get through it but not to help you decide another chance. Of course my kids feelings matter but not in the sense of an adult decision such as finances and other adult decisions. Kids sense trauma or pain and will react on their age group of emotions. Keep them the focus and do what you need to!
Yes their feelings should be heard about it, but if your unhappy it’s better to just tell them in a way they would understand, if that makes sense. Don’t let your kids grow up watching you being unhappy in a relationship, and it’s not healthy to stay together with someone just for the kids. Good luck momma
You should factor their feelings into the equation AFTER making your decision. Yes their feelings matter, but staying with your husband for kids is not healthy for anyone.
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Absolutely, this decision will affect them more than you and your husband and will cause so much heartache for them. Please consider them wholeheartedly. Please maybe consider counseling for you and your husband especially if if he is willing to work on your marriage.
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I think it really depends on why your unhappy. If its not something that can be fixed, no because everyone will just stay unhappy. If there is no love there then there is no point
Leave the kids out because you will never be truly happy if you are doing it for the kids , you have to want this as well plus the kids will sense the environment
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Absolutely , especially when sometimes we as adults are just being brats sometimes and it huge for them for life , I wasn’t being a brat , mine was ugly, and did it but I didn’t know how much help my som needed cause I hadn’t been through it and I was in the middle of it too , then it’s too late now .
I’m sorry but I don’t think you should stay with someone for the kids only because it will get worse when the kids grow up and then you get a separate I honestly think you should talk to them but I think it’s up to you and what you think is best for you
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The kids are being hurt because of the tension. But yes, talk to the children, see how they feel. If they are not happy because of the situation, it’s time to change it.
I have a totally different take than most people do I used to teach a divorce care for kids class at my church for about 6 years and it’s pretty selfish of people to just get a divorce because they’re not happy kids play a huge role in society is very detrimental to everyone when you get a divorce good luck and God bless I don’t know if that helped but that’s my take on it I just think it’s way too easy for people to get out of marriage even though they took their vows that’s the whole purpose of marriage is working it out till you cannot work it out and people are just so quick to throw in the towel
Divorce is between you two, ultimately. Of course take your kiddos feelings into consideration and make all options available to them whether it be councelling or whatnot. Make yourself available as well to answer any questions they may have or just listen to their thoughts/feelings; be there for them. But at the end of the day, you two have to make the final call, nobody else.
No. Kids shouldn’t be dragged into adult affairs. Yes, they will inadvertently be affected by the decisions of adults and as parents we have to be their support system in adjusting to a different way of life. Kids are resilient.
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They should be heard, and answered as best you can. Their lives are about to take a drastic turn, they deserve to be heard. However, staying in a marriage for the sake of the kids will do more damage to them in the long run.
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they should absolutely feel like their voices are heard. They should be being welcomed to have their feelings expressed and respected. But no, you are under no obligation to stay married just because that’s what your kids want. What example are you setting your children?
To stay where you are unhappy because other people want you to?
Or to go ahead and do what you know is right for you? even if it’s scary. Even if nobody else believes in you. Even if people try to talk you out of it. But you do know that this is the right choice for you?
what do you want your children to do? Set that example.
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