Staying with your significant others for kids is a bad mistake. My parents did that. They got a divorce when I turned 18. Big mistake many unhappy years for the adults. (Lots of fighting, vacant with out other parent, cheating ect) my kids were sad but young 5 and 3 i wanna say… but they understood mom deserves to be happy also (I mean he cheated on me with my best friend and got her pregnant there was no staying after that)
My parents wanted a divorce and waited 5 years to do so until my father couldn’t handle it anymore and chose to leave my mom. As a child, I didn’t understand it at first. But seeing it as an adult, my dad did what was best for us kids and he removed us from a toxic household. They both moved on and so much happier with their new spouses.
Of course they should. A divorce will affect them. It’s a massive change for everyone. But that doesn’t mean that it’s a wrong move. Many times the peace everyone gets from a separation is the best thing
Not married, but I’ve been going through the same thing with my children’s dad. We were together 7 years but it’s been all around toxic. The kids deserve to see us happy rather than miserable and arguing all of time. It’s only harming them in the long run. They need a happy mama and I finally realized that now with some help from close friends and family 
it’ll get better, it just takes time and reassurance to the kids… especially if you’ve been dealing with a narcissist like I have 
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Nope. They can’t have full happiness unless the people raising them are happy.
You’re only going to cause your kids more pain in the long run staying in a loveless marriage. I’m a product of this and believe me, staying is only going to cause more problems for your children onto their adulthood and relationships down the road. Just go.
You are taking their feelings into consideration if they are miserable. I was with a man 16 years and we have a daughter together and she’s happier now than she’s ever been. We never married thank you lord, but he had to go
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Kids don’t get to Determine if parents get the separate or not if it’s not working it best to end it
Now when it comes to life after that yes they should have a say and what not in things like who they live with full time and stuff like that
This is the first time I am speaking of what I went through, to anyone. When I was 15, my dad & I were in the car on the way to my uncle’s work. Out of no where he asked me what I would think if he told my mom he wanted a divorce. Now I will say at that time in my life, I had always wished my parents separated not because they fought at all, in fact they rarely even argued, but because I was brought up in a way where what I felt was freedom, was being able to go out & party or be out at friends houses for days with no questioning, ect. I always felt if my parents split up how much better my life would be because I would go with my dad & he wouldnt care about as many rules like my mom did & it sounded great. Looking back now (I’m almost 28) I know how wrong I looked at things & how majority of my friends had grown up in broken homes or careless parents which is why it seemed like my friends had so much more freedom then me. That my home was a good one with both parents still together & I was really being brought up in a rightful way. At the time I hated being the friend that couldnt always do what most of mine were able to do but I should have been grateful. I should have appreciated it while I had it. So after my dad asked me the question, I thought it was another joke of his, never in a million years did I think my parents would ever even think about splitting. Plus they just had my 2 baby brothers 18 months apart that were one age 3 and 1. He told me he wasn’t joking & really wanted my opinion. I said yah ok sure but if it’s really not a joke, then ya I say do it. I’ll go with you of course! But seriously do you really want one? He told me yah he did. I asked when he was going to tell my mom & he told me not until after the holidays comming up so the beginning of the new year as my 16th bday & Halloween was right around the corner. Plus my moms bday is December 2nd. Even not knowing if he was serious or not, I still had to keep that secret to myself for a long time. The time came but a little sooner then he planned it was before Christmas he came out with it & not in a good way eaither. (That day ended up being very traumatic for me to experience) I had no idea my mom would have handled it the way she did & it was absolutely heartbreaking. I’m not going to go into detail about it because it makes me sick to this day thinking about it but long story short, not only did my dad walk out that day, but the mom I have always known her to be, did too. A serious of traumatic events following that decision happened & I never did end up going with my dad, in fact, we have barely spoken much sense & it killed the strong relationship we had. I ended up on my own actually at 16 but stayed close to my mom because she became a wreck & went into a very dark place for along time. I know you shouldn’t live with regrets but I sure have a hard time with myself to this day for telling him what I did when he asked me that question. I strongly suggest be careful because your children could live with terrible guilt if anything happens that wasn’t expected to just because you based your choice off of their opinions during young years of their lifes. Hope this helps.
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Staying with someone for the kids teaches them that’s what marriage is about and it’s not. They will think it’s ok to settle in their own relationships.
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Most definitly not. They are kids, so let them be kids! Don’t put any adult decisions or responsibility on them. It’s your marriage, not theirs! I’m studying effective parenting and child development and putting your children in the middle off your adult situations causes emotional childhood trauma. For example, if you left and stayed just as miserable, your children will blame themselves no matter how much you let them know it’s not their fault. As humans we don’t always make the right choices, and that’s okay, that’s how we learn and grow. But don’t put your troubles on your kids shoulders. When it comes to marriage kids have a super hard time dealing with the change and emotions of a divorce as it is, don’t make them feel like they have to pick and choose and most off all don’t make them be your support system and counsellor unless you want them sitting in my office as adults looking for someone to fix their emotional baggage
Id definitely take their feelings into consideration but it sounds like they want what you want tbh
My ex kept telling our kids we were getting divorced so they would cry and I would stay. I don’t think kids should be involved in adult issues they can’t control. They shouldn’t know anything is wrong until you’ve exhausted every option and are definitely getting divorced. I should have left the first time he told them but I stayed seven more years. I’ve been happily married to my soulmate for 9 months now (together almost 3 years) and my ex is engaged with a baby on the way. My kids are so much happier now.
Divorce and Co-parent. Do not show your kids what an unhappy relationship looks like, otherwise they’ll burn through relationships and need therapy for being broken into thinking they were the only reason you chose to stay in an unhappy marriage.
Absolutely. Your children come first no matter what!
Yes most definitely. You should always listen to your kids about their feelings. But also you have to know that if you are not happy your kids will see that also an more then likely they won’t be happy so you have to listen to your kids take their feelings in consideration but most importantly do what’s going to be best for you and make you happy.
Ask the children how they feel. Some children will tell you to get a divorce. Go to counseling as a family to find the root causes of the problems.
Slash to many forget kids are human
Kids are always a part of any marriage, so I would say yes.
Yes there feelings matter always tall to then
Yes they are the most important people in this scenario
Kids have no business in adult matters.
Staying together for a kid will lead to animosity. You have already left, you’re just still… there.
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Not in the actual decision making no, you are unhappy and staying because the kids are upset is only going to make things worse in the long run, that said 100% the kids feeling should be completely heard by both of you and you both should sit with them and make sure they both know they will still be loved the same even if they will now have 2 homes and mummy & daddy do not live together anymore, there are actually books that you can get for young children that have parted families - I hate the word ‘broken’ because families usually always get better after parents part! Xx
I mean, my lil sis and I wanted our parents to get divorced again, because they were worse people and parents when together than separate, and they never listened to us anyways. Please don’t stay with someone because of your kids tho, it causes so many problems down the line, for everyone involved.
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Yes and no. My dad and my stepmom broke up after 21/22 years. We were all older and could see their relationship decline. I know they stayed together for us for a long time and I really think that was a bad idea. I think they should have broke up like 10 years before they did.
Your kids feelings should matter but just remember it’s much much better for your kids to see a happy healthy relationship or happy healthy single parent over a toxic relationship or marriage.
Do not stay for the kids. Its just as hard on older and adult kids coming from a divorced home. Both my parents are happy and divorced when i was a teen . It should have been sooner imo . The kids should be taken into consideration but ultimately its your relationship and co parenting doesnt have to mean relationship. Happy parents happy kids. They are young they would adjust.
Kids shouldn’t be the deciding factor on whether or not you divorce your husband.
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Kids want their parents together. I would discuss counseling with husband and work on the marriage until you’re sure you want a divorce and you’ve exhausted all your options. When and if the divorce happens include your children on what’s happening and the steps you’re making to co parent and do what’s best for them.
Depends y are u wanting a divorce
Honestly in the long run you must be happy. You can’t live in an unhappy marriage and expect the kids to not be affected by you faking being happy with him. If you truelly think you want to give him another chance then do but use caution and give a time frame plus tell him you’d like counceling. If not then it’s best to get over with now. The kids will adapt and be fine with time. Heck even family therapy may help them adjust!
I think the good of all of the kids should come first before anything else.
You said yourself the kids aren’t happy so why would they object? 
Yes, definately. Sounds like they are old enough to have opinions and know what they are feeling
I take my kids feelings into consideration with all my relationships, if they feel a type of way I let them voice it and if its not fixable I will leave that relationship no matter how long we been together
I went thru something similar. My advice… kids are happy when mom is happy. Make yourself happy and the rest will fall in place. It won’t be easy, but your happiness is worth it.
When he says “try again” exactly what does he mean? Clearly whatever has been taking place hasn’t worked so what plans do you guys have to do things differently? I would strongly advice counseling together and independently but only if you both truly want to put in the work to make improvements.
Never stay just for kids go be happy the kids dont need to watch u be miserable it sets a bad relationship standard for them to follow
The kids are better off without all the fighting and trauma you can cause by staying together. Honestly talking to your kids is a great idea. Don’t make yourself miserable for the kids though/: Don’t forget therapy for your kids, yourself , and both you and your partner is alway an option. Good luck.
I stopped at the first sentence , because I dont think anything following can possibly negate the decision… yes… absofuckinglutely do the kids have a say in the matter… it is literally ALL about the kids… so yes… consider them… like wtf?
Go to family therapy… Maybe a therapist could help the kids, yourself & your husband come to terms
Never stay bc of kids
Your kids need a happy mom. Id get divorced.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should kids feeling be taken into consideration when getting divorced?
It depends how bad the marriage is. Taking their feelings into consideration doesnt mean to both force a bad marriage “for the kids sake”. It means treating them like humans. Maybe sit down and communicate what is going on together. Assure them all that you will BOTH co parent as adults and not alienate one from the other. (This is a BIG no no in the courts eyes) Maybe make it a slow transition for them to get used to over a period of a few weeks/months?
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Children pay the price in an unhappy toxic household but they also can pay a price after divorce if there is still allot of animosity and fighting in front of them. If u decide to divorce, please parent the children together and do not argue in front of them. Get them counseling if u find they are having problems. I wish I had done things differently when I divorced. My daughter paid the price.
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How do you not consider children’s feelings? I don’t think children allow their feelings to go unheard. It would be impossible not to consider the consequences a divorce would have on the entire family. It is the parents responsability to ensure that the children stay safe and feel loved throughout the divorce. Its not easy to accomplish.
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That doesn’t make a happy marriage but if you can work together until they turn 18 before leaving they will statistically have better outcomes and mental health. Divorce is traumatic to children and pretty much everyone involved however staying in toxic or unhealthy relationships is as well. Children always want their parents together except in extreme cases of abuse and neglect.
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You’re not in a marriage for anyone else but you and your partner. The only reason the kids should be brought in is to make sure they don’t feel its their fault for the split.
Kids will always want their parents together but a toxic bad relationship is no place for a kid to be raised so i have to say if safety is a concern from any type of abuse no kid should be in that situation anyway that is my final answer
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No, because you need to be able to take care of yourself to take care of your kids. They will see you are unhappy and with be unhappy.
If you and your kids are unhappy leave him. Your kids might resent you if you stay and they expressed to you that they are unhappy.
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Definately, they have a hard time and go through all sorts of emotions. They see & hear between their Mum & Dad, than you ever will know. Listen to their fears & emotions. They are extremely valid to them, and need their parents support & validation, and are dearly loved. Please don’t use them to score points against one another, or encourage them to take sides.
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You shouldn’t stay in a marriage for kids but talking to them about it should be fine
Never been Married but I would definitely Consider the Children’s Feelings.
Ask them how would they feel about it and we will compromise as A Family.
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I would only make. It my own choice not the kids because they don’t really know why or no what’s really going on in the marriage mine cheated so for that yes I forgave but no trust still not sure if I want to walk away 22 years. We don’t got nothing in common. All we do is argue no kids now but I think only parent should make that decision
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I might be the oddball out here. But I’m wouldn’t want to teach my children to stay in a relationship or marriage where they are clearly unhappy if they have tried their best to make it work. That’s toxic and I would never wish that on my children.
Sometimes it’s better for the kids to see you apart and happy vs staying together unhappy
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If the children are not happy it’s time to leave
When you get married it’s death do you part
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I don’t think you gave us enough information. Has your husband done something to make you unhappy? How long have you been unhappy? Maybe you should move out and “date” your husband to see if it works out?
It sounds like you just don’t know how to settle down with a man
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If all you and. The kids are unhappy, You have your answer!
I feel like kids feelings need to come into account when choosing who they want to live with. As far as if they should have a say in the divorce in general no. If you are unhappy they are going to pick up on that. My biggest suggestion is get them into a counselor because they need to be able to talk about how they feel.
No. And I say that humbly. The reason why I say no is because when two parents are together and they no longer want to be together or one parent doesn’t want to try anymore it does more harm than good. Children want you to be together because you’re both their parents they’re always going to want that and they are too young to make such a defined decision on two adults. If you’re getting a divorce it’s best to go ahead and go through with it. But it is important that both parents are able to show them love and that they are able to be with the parent that they want to be with at that particular time even if it’s going back and forth for a little while.
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If the parents aren’t happy together then the kids will suffer eventually from that ! Even if one parent isn’t happy it still will affect the kids in some way . Had I ask my kids if they wanted me to leave their father when they were , 5,3 and 2 ( and I was pregnant with another ) I’d still be getting beat on . Even if they were older I still don’t think it is their business whether the mother and father get a divorce or not as they don’t always know what goes on between the two of you ! I thankfully was able to keep my kids from seeing their father hit me therefore they didn’t know of the abuse but seen the arguments only ( which wasn’t good either ) . Most kids would want their parents together but it really shouldn’t be their decision .
If they’re unhappy as well, it’s all the more reason for you to get divorced. Your husband is selfish for only wanting you to stay for himself.
Yes take the kids feelings into account for sure, I think as adults we tend to not and brush it off it’s important divorce is handle the right way meaning you hear them out and you don’t put the kids in the middle and make sure you co parent if you decide to move on - the last thing you want is a messy divorce because it will for sure affect everyone!
Only if their is abuse to either you or kids.
Yes and No . Before my Divorce I noticed my kids fighting alot they where just as unhappy as I was. Why because all they saw was fighting. I wanted to be happy I wanted them to be happy and after I left I was Happy. And there attitude change also. And I had Happy kids. My boys where little 5-9 they are 22 and 17 now and I got to say they are strong Happy well round man now.
Nope u failed the first time why would u care the second time it’s all about u
They don’t get to decide something as big as that. Of course it’s going to change their lives. If it’s overall better for you and your family, that’s your decision. They’re too young to understand that and too young to have a say on what should make you happy.
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If there’s infidelity or abuse then no. If your genuinely miserable then no. If you’ve just kinda lost your spark or have kinda just disengaged then you owe it to the kids to try to recapture that spark
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If it is also affecting the children then you need to do what you have to do. Kids sense these things. My children were small when their dad and I divorced and they told me I am happier now than I was when me and their daddy was together. Being little they love having two rooms etc. Going to dad’s is like going to a friend’s house to them sort of speak. My kids were fighting a lot. They always stayed in their rooms. After the divorce they don’t fight as much and are in the living room with me more.
Kids are a major part of divorce and one of the biggest life changing events they can go through. Yes they should be considered and their feelings matter! The only exceptions would be if abuse, neglect, or infidelity are involved.
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No. Kids have no idea what you feel, or have endured, or anything so they don’t truly get it. Only the married adults can say if they should divorce or not. A parent shouldn’t stay in an unhappy marriage because the kids don’t want their parents to divorce.
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In some circumstances yes. If the child is being harmed physically, verbally, emotionally by the step parent. Ultimately though I will be spending the rest of my life with my spouse. My children will grow up and find spouses of their own. Some kids are just not happy with any partner the parent chooses because it is not there other biological parent. So my stance is it’s a case by case basis.
I was 15 when my parents got divorced, my brothers were 13 & 6. At the time we were heartbroken and wanted them to stay together, but we were children and didn’t understand the situation at all. As adults, we all acknowledge that their divorce was the best thing that could have happened, and we wish out would have happened sooner.
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Wow, yes you should always consider your children when making life altering choices… But if ultimately you KNOW it won’t work and they probably do too in their own way. It’s never a good idea to force it, especially if kiddos are unhappy.
I would have worded your question a little better though.
Yes my brother is going though a nasty divorce and he is trying to be a single dad raising 2 kids and she is being nasty about it and can’t even give him straight answers and his kids are acting out cause of it they are 6 and 4 I have offered to try and have them seen by my kids therapist cause she is amazing working with kids and helping them thou difficult confusing times for kids
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Your kids come first
My parents gave my brother and I no choice. Obviously being a kid we wanted them to stay together. We were 9 & 11. But being an adult now I see it was so much better for both of my parents and I’m happy they got divorced.
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You should take their feelings into consideration but you should also not put yourself in an unhappy relationship for your children, because they are not the foundation of the relationship you and the partner are. In the long run if you are only trying to work things out for just for the sake of your children’s feelings you will never be happy and that will affect your children.
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Of course! But also consider the kids’ feelings if you stay. I used to wish my parents would divorce because of the fighting and daily tension in our house.
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Absolutely take your children’s feelings into consideration. You’re talking about a life changing event for all of you! But, you shouldn’t stay in an unhappy situation for them because they will wind up miserable too.
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It’s your choice to stay together or not. It’s how you two choose to coparent and doing what’s best for the kids …that’s when taking their feelings into consideration should matter.
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My dad didn’t consider me at all when he filed for divorce. But my mom however, i was her #1 priority. Of course she kept me out of all the legal adult stuff, my dad did not. So, i feel to some degree they definitely should.
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Of course. You will be twice divorced and having their family split up affects them deeply.
Move on if you’re not happy!
I think it’s right to take their feelings into consideration but ultimately the adults make the decision and staying together solely for the kids will build resentment.
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Is this really serious? Divorcing their father, breaking up the home. Should the kids feelings be considered? Ummmmmmm… yes?
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Why is it y’all r not happy all the time life isn’t all peaches n cream run away when life gets a little hard suck it up buttercup
Absolutely take their feelings seriously! So seriously that a therapist gets involved. I think if you give it another chance you and your husband need that support and if you split up your kids will. No one can tell you what to do, but having that support could heal your whole family regardless of the outcome.
Sometimes ending it IS what everyone needs
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You should absolutely take their feelings into consideration. This decision will change everyone’s lives. With that said though, it’s going to affect everyone, but you ultimately have to think of everyone’s well being. Staying married for the kids is no reason to stay married. You and your husband can co-parent and those kids can have mom and dad without mom and dad being together. Whatever you decide to do, you need to constantly remind those kids that it’s not their fault and that this decision has nothing to do with them or anything they have done. As for “another chance”, for me, that would depend on how many chances have been given and the reason for wanting the divorce. If he has cheated or is in any way abusive, he doesn’t deserve another chance. If it’s just that the struggles of life have changed things, then I’d say yes, give the man another chance. Have an adult conversation and lay everything out. If y’all can work on it and get back to a happy place, then it’s worth it. Marriage is a lot of work, but it’s also something worth fighting for, depending on the circumstances. Good luck!
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I’m going to be honest here. This is kind of a loaded question.
There’s a lot going on here and not a lot of valuable information.
You’re unhappy. Ok.
Why are you unhappy?
Is he mean? Is he cheating? Is he inattentive? Are you just bored? Have you created a situation where all he can do is shut down on you? Do you both suck at communicating with each other?
That’s a HUGE factor. “Being unhappy” can come from so many places, but those places matter because many of those places can be resolved and many people would be better off attempting to resolve thier issues rather than calling it quits.
As far as the kids go.
Yes. Kids feelings matter, but (and this is a huge thing) we as adults tend to create our kids feelings in situations like this without realizing it.
You’re unhappy.
You’re blaming your husband.
You may not (or maybe you do) bash him in front of your kids…but your body language and the way you talk to him doesn’t go unnoticed by the kids.
If you have created these feelings inside of your children then they are simply parroting you, so Ultimately…no, I would not listen to them in that case.
Now. If these feelings were formed by them because he’s dismissive of them or scares them or something like that then absolutely take those feelings into consideration and do what you gotta do for them and you.
Only you can make your decision…we can’t make it for you. But I would start with some self reflection on everything.
You have plenty of options.
If you guys have not actively worked together to fix your marriage perhaps that’s the first place to start.
Give a time frame and conditions that can be gauged.
For example if your not communicating well in a year then it’s done.
I would be sympathetic of your children’s feelings but I would not base my decision to get a divorce based on what your children want.
Children deserve to grow up in a happy environment. If you are unhappy in your marriage, they will pick up on it and it will effect them.
It’s better to be in a healthy, happy situation with separated parents than be in an unhappy situation with two parents.
If you are mature and can successfully coparent, then your kids will be fine. Maybe one day they’ll even get bonus parents and have one or two more people to love them.
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Maybe not their feelings but I would them into consideration. “Do I want my child growing up thinking this is ok? Is this how I want my daughter to think love is? Do I want my sons thinking this is the way to treat a woman/daughters to think it’s ok to be treated this way?”
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My mom considered me, mostly me since I was the oldest and could understand I was 13 ,my siblings in the divorce
My dad was Awful to be around so I was glad they got a divorce My mom tried giving my dad a 2nd chance but he screwed up so my mom divorced him and we moved
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Yeah I would just for them. If they feel like you do then. That’s ok or want u to try then do so. But in the end you have the final say. To choose to work it out or try and make it work. Good luck