Should my son be forced to call his bio dad "dad"?

I have a 10 year old son and for his whole life I have been the main and one raising him. That changed when I met my husband 7 years ago and we have been the only constant parents in his life. Now His bio father has only been in his life very minimally for the last 3 years (sees him MAYBE 5 times a year) he wasn't very involved in his life when we ended up moving a few hours away. Soon after we moved, I had lots of car troubles but I did what I could, knowing my car wasn't in any shape to make round trips when his bio father has TWO new cars. So, when my car finally stopped working a year ago, yes, making visits work were on him. When visits happen its only for a few hours before he dips out, because my son isn't paying enough attention to him. But he always brings ALL his other kids and gf with him. He's never just had a visit with my son without the whole group tagging along. Well, recently he got pissed because he agreed to the first plans since April and all I said was that one of the options he wanted to do with my son, wasn't available where we live (We don't have much here) he blocked me for a week, then yesterday I got a message, saying I'm the problem, that I'll be taken to court because I don't make anything easy for him, when all I do is try to make visits work, they are always at my house or i walk to meet them at parks in town. But my favorite part was, he wants my son to stop calling my husband (the ONLY stable man in his life) Dad immediately and start calling him, a guy he barely knows, Dad. He has all these demands but he's only been a part of my sons life for 3 years and not a very active 3 years. Any out he can take, he takes it and blames me or my husband. Should my son be forced to call him dad? My son knows the difference. He knows my husband is his stepfather but he has said already, that he wants to call him Dad. What would anyone else do? And I in the wrong for my son not calling his bio father Dad? Or anything else I wrote? This guys stresses me out so bad. He wants it his way or no way and I feel like I can't win. I just need some advice. Thank you very much.
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It should be entirely up to your child who he calls what. I wouldn’t force my child to call me mom if they didn’t want to, so he shouldn’t be forced to call him dad regardless of who he’s choosing to call dad.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should my son be forced to call his bio dad "dad"?

Really depends on what they’re comfortable with, both my kids called both their stepdad and bio father “dad” now they call their dad/stepdad by their name. I’ve always left it up to them.

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Whatever he is comfortable with.

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Hell no. I wouldn’t even refer to him as that.

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It should be your son’s choice.

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Sad that your sons bio dad acts like such a child.id tell your son he can call step dad Dad.

Your baby is old enough to decide. Kids see who the shitty parents are as they get older. He shouldn’t have to do anything he’s uncomfortable with.

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Let him take you to court. He’ll lose! He’s unstable and toxic!

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I would not make him

Totally up to your son x

My daughter has called my husband dad. Hes raised her since she was 2 months old. Her bio dad is around but she calls him by his name. Her bio dad hasnt always been around, and she sees him when she wants. Shes almost 17 now. I would just have your son call him by his name. But it should be something you and your son should talk about.

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My dad was never around never celebrated any birthdays or holidays my mom struggled with 9 kids. Now we are older I see my dad occasionally I do call him dad because that’s what he is I guess? I can forgive but never forget.

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I don’t think forcing a child to do anything is the way to go about it. Your son is old enough to have a conversation about what he thinks in my opinion. If he feels comfortable calling bio “dad” then let him. If not, then maybe there is a term that he feels more comfortable with, “pops” maybe or maybe he can think of a nickname but it goes back to children having a bit of control over certain aspects of their interactions with people that establishes a healthy sense of self and that’s important. I think it’s worth you having a conversation with your son and supporting him in his decision.

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Never make kids do anything they aren’t comfortable with. Talk with your son about what he wants and support him with whatever it is.

It’s up to the kid who he wants to call dad don’t force them to do anything

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Just let the kids decide. If he wants to go to court that’s on him, sounds like he won’t make the effort though.

I have always left this completely up to the child. My daughter calls my husband “dad” and she calls her dad “dad”. But the same thing goes for his girlfriend. If my daughter wants to call her mom, and as long as both my fighter and this girlfriend are comfortable with it, I don’t see a problem

Thats not unusual. Kids do it all the time. He can call them both Dad.

No
He should not be forced to do that.

It’s not up to either of you. It’s up to your son.

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my stepson’s started calling me Mom all on their own and their mother by her first name–I would suggest asking him to come up with a different name for his father–Pop or something like that,

Its the childs choice if your son wants to you or him shouldn’t force it

It should be up to your son!

I would tell him to grow up it’s nobody’s decision what that boy calls parents it’s his choice not dads not moms. My child calls her step dad , dad her choice , if he wants to act like that he doesn’t really need to be around because a on and off parent is worse than a absent

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Let your son do what he wants to , explain to him he may have to tell a judge why he does

I say the child should choose what they want to call people I mean really it’s just words

Let your son choose. Simple as that

At 10 years old that should be up to the child…

LET YOUR SON DO WHAT HE WANTS dont put up w his tirants jus except call when he want to visit

You and your son owes him nothing! None of these threats will be upheld in court. Let him take you there. If your son feels a father like connection with your husband and wants to call him dad of his free will let him.
My step kids are grown I divorced their dad I’m still “Ma”
I still have a great relationship with my ex and all the kids.
These things are not forced. They’re earned.

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Fuk that guy. Take his worthless ass to court. And no, you’re sweet son doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to.

I don’t call my biological father dad my daddy passed away 2/18/2019 and NO ONE will ever take his place and yes the bio is still alive and he knows he will NEVER take my dad’s place

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Your son is ten, he isn’t a toddler or anything, he knows the definitions, Dad is an earned name.
I totally agree and respect your decision.

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If he doesn’t want to call him dad he doesn’t have to. Don’t try to force it.

As far as everything else, in standard visitation it falls on the noncustodial parent to figure out how to see him and arrange visits.

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Your child should get to choose. If he’s feeling conflicted on wether or not he should call him dad it’s because “dad” hasn’t earned the title in his eyes. He doesn’t meet his standard of what a dad’s supposed to be so its not gonna feel right for him to start calling him dad when he feels like he’s never been one.

Your son is old enough to know who’s been there and who has not your son is old enough to see the struggles that you go through getting him to get to see his bio dad take this from somebody who’s been there with my children and their bio dad I had to step they had a stepfather who they called Dad they knew their bio dad but knew that that is not a dad and honey when they get older they will know if your kid feels comfortable and calling your husband dad then let him do it don’t make him not do it because your husband seems to be the only one there for him constantly 100% good day bad day inconvenience anything and ask for the bio dad bio Dad should have thought about that before now and should have been there before him at the Lemoore than last 3 years and if your son don’t want to see his bio Dad no more because he always brings the girl friend girlfriends kids his other kids and he never gets one on one time how are they ever going to get to know each other now that being said my kids are now 19 20 and 21 and they have a great relationship with their bio dad but they are now old enough to be like okay this is how it is so I wouldn’t force him and if there’s a court order I wouldn’t force him to see him either if he doesn’t want to your son knows the difference I would not try to force it because then your son may resent you it sounds like the bio dad wants to feel his head up with crap and Bash you and the husband for stepping in where he should have been and belonged in the first place

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Its your son’s choice what he calls who and no judge is going to force your child to call someone something that he doesn’t want to. In fact. Him taking you to court will most likely just end in him being ordered to pay you child support!!! Your ex is just trying to control and scare you. Don’t let him.

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Would be nice to hear the other side of the story also my baby momma talked shit like this on me and the whole time I was 't “welcome” around the house and wasn’t “allowed” to take my son anywhere were it was just the two of us , so before all of you go bashing the biological father try getting ahold of him and hearing his side of the story as well , sorry but not sorry , people talk out there asses about the other parent all the time

Seriously let loser dad take you to court because honestly the judge is going to make loser dad eat his own words. As old as your son is he will probably talk to him.

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Listen to your son, xx

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Totally up to your son

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Hello, so coming from someone who lived this situation as a child, I say it’s the child’s decision on what they call them. I have my dad and I have my father. Both of whom I call DAD. My father wasn’t a constant in my life growing up but I later found out that that was because of my mother. She made it difficult for my father to see me. My dad (step-dad) raised me since I was a baby. I called him by his given name until, one day on my own, I started calling him dad. I knew the difference. But to me, he was my dad. He did all the fatherly things with me as I was growing up. Now grown, I have an excellent relationship with my father and I now know all of the things that lead to my father’s stray. The way I see it, if the child wants to call step-dad dad. He has that right. That’s how he views that man. He’s been there when his father hasn’t. That man has EARNED that title!!

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Nope…id leave it up to your son. I wouldnt force him and wouldnt allow the sperms doner to force him either. The boy has decided who his Dad is already

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That’s on your kid. He’s old enough to know. Let him take you to court. He will end up paying child support. AND be responsible for picking child up on his visitation days.

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Your son isn’t wrong. Bio dad sounds like a sperm donor to me

That’s up to your son! My step dad is my dad. He actually adopted me when I was 16! Love that man to death and he’s the one I always call when I need help! Bio father is alive but not really part of my life.

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Maybe he can call bio dad “father” or “papa” to differentiate if bio dad is so bent out of shape. In my opinion, the role of dad has been filled by the man who is filling his male.parental role.

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Leave it up to the child. He will call them what he feels is fitting.

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Document everything…days/times…everything and take it to court when you go

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Talk to your son about what he wants to call who what

Let your son choose what title he gives each person. No judge is going to order a child to call someone something specific. As long as you’re not forcing him one way or the other, just let the kid choose. I don’t think you are, I’m just saying, it’s ridiculous when parents push an issue on a child that they don’t want. And it seems your child has chosen what to call each person in his life

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Dad doesn’t have to mean biological father. I think dad means whoever is doing the job most. My 4 year old called my 1 year olds dad “dad” even tho he wasn’t his biological dad. Unfortunately he’s very inconsistent with any types of visit of communication these days so he just calls him by name now and or daughter doesn’t even recognize him anymore.

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Always told my kids and step kids it’s their decision, it’s not about how the adults feel but how they feel that matters.

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Let your son make that decision. I’d warn your son though, that if it takes you to court you’ll probably lose

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Listen to your child if he doesn’t want to call
His BIO father dad he doesn’t have too !! No one can make him
Call
Him
Dad period …

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If there is not an existing court order…he can kick rocks…save your evidence and wait for him to take u to court.

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Your husband can be Dad, the bio dad can be Daddy John. Son shouldn’t be talking about Dad to Daddy John. Not his business.

Don’t force your baby to do anything he’s uncomfortable with.

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Screw the ex hopefully he goes away , to keep peace try and give him the few days a year he wants because it could turn out worse if he gets petty as for his step dad, thats his dad, so he can call him what ever he wants, sorry hope ur ex falls off a bridge lol

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My son is 13. My husband has been in our lives since he was 2. Called him dad since 3. Bio dad came back in our lives when he was 8 and in the 7 visits he’s had since then he refers to himself as “dad” when hes around. It made my son very uncomfortable as he felt like he couldn’t talk about his stepdad or his life or call him by name. He’s been the dad since he could talk. We have 4 other children together too. My son has since cut contact with his bio dad because of it. It was his choice. And at ur sons age I think he’s old enough to make that choice himself too. Good luck

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I don’t call mine dad. He didn’t raise me. I call him by name.

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Your dad is your dad no matter what …

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I don’t believe he should have to! He’s old enough to make his choice in my opinion. My 11 year old calls his bio dad “Bobby”… his dad walked out if his life when he was 8. He decided he no longer wants to call him dad and I told him that was just fine.

My older 3 kids call their bio by his name and my husband by dad. My ex dipped out a few months after our divorce was final and has never been consistent with contact with them. My younger son doesnt even know him as a dad just some random dude he looks like. Let ur son call him whatever he wants.

I say up to the son! My mom was in prison my whole life. She got PISSED when I called her mom (my grandma) mom instead of her. I still called her mom out of fear of not wanting her to lash out. I hated saying it everytime. When I got older I decided for myself that I didn’t care anymore and started calling her by first name. She hated it but I didn’t care and she eventually “accepted” it. Like you said your son knows the difference. I think it should be about him being able to choose whatever he is more comfortable saying. He may resent his bio dad one day for being forced to call him something he doesn’t want to.
I hope it works out for you guys❤

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My son is 21 now and still calls my husband since he was 5 months old dad and bio dad by his name. Bio dad was around but in background his grandparents sister and uncle and more to do with him ( seeing visits trips buying him stuff he wanted/needed etc) told him straight up “ just because he shares dna with him does not make you a father being there for him physically, emotionally, mentally and financially does.” His own grandparents told him and some of his aunts the same thing. When he steps up and shows not only is but my son he WANTS to be apart of his life constantly then my son will call him dad. I told him you don’t like how I’m raising him myself take me to court because I can prove everything I have done to include him in my sons life but he can’t prove he is willing to do his part robe a father.

Your son shouldn’t have to be force to call anyone dad, and tell his bio dad to kick rocks until he takes u to court! Keep all your conversations for evidence, and id specifically communicate through text messages so u have everything as proof! Your husband has earned the trust and love from your son so if ur son wants to call him dad then let him! Never force a relationship on your son because he’s old enough to make up his mind about how he feels about someone even if it’s his bio dad!

From experience when the child is ready he will

It’s your child’s choice!

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Ignore him. Get a lawyer.
The kid is 10. No one can forve him to call his step- dad Dad or his bio dad dad. That’s his choice and he’s made it. Bio dad just has guilt. Of course you’ll be the scapegoat though. Aren’t the deadbeats always blaming the present parent?
It’s pathetic. Dont play his mind games. Just go the legal route

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Hell,to the no. He doesn’t deserve to be called dad. He’s also gaslighting you. He sounds like a controlling narcissist. If your son wants to call him dad,then it’s ok. But never force a child.

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He could be old enough now to choose in court where he wants to live depending on your state. Talk to a lawyer…bit no he doesn’t have to call that stranger DAD. nope.

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Nope. Don’t force him to do or say anything he doesn’t want to do.

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Your son gets to decide what he calls step dad and bio dad. The kid gets to decide.

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He’s a turd. Let him take you to court over something so trivial as your son calling your husband Dad. The judge will likely be pissed for him wasting the courts time and rip him a new asshole over the fact that the title of Dad is earned and clearly he isn’t worthy of that title. Don’t even sweat it. He will come out of there looking like an ass. Just document everything! Only communicate with him via text or email so you have it as evidence and let the fool hang himself.

It’s up to your son what he decides to call him it can’t just be forced

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“My son knows the difference. He knows my husband is his stepfather but he has said already, that he wants to call him Dad” there is your answer mama. Eff his bio dad imo.

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Both my kids call their bio dads by their first names. If they aren’t apart of their lives then they really don’t deserve the title :woman_shrugging:t3:

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There’s a difference between what is right and what can be court ordered. It can be court ordered that children not call anyone but the bio parents mom/dad. And having the child call a stepparent “dad” could be construed as parental alienation in some places. Talk to a lawyer.

I wouldn’t force Anything but if he’s been calling SD dad for years then he should keep the dad title and maybe he can call bd pop or father if he’s comfortable doing so

There is a difference between a “father”, the person who gave you life, and a “dad”, the person who loves and raises you. Your son knows the difference!!!

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So much wrong here, but to answer the question- you and dad don’t get to tell the kid what to call whom anymore. It’s up to the child. If he’s comfortable all you can do is get used to it. He a real live living person with thoughts and feelings.

I wouldn’t force him to call him “dad” if he’s uncomfortable with it.

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Screenshot every message and everytime you’ve tried to set visits and anytime he refused or didn’t reply. Court won’t like he didn’t bother

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Is their any way that you and your ex would consider family counseling ? It would better all around if the 2 families could get along for the sake of all the children. Sounds like a case of wanting to be ‘right’ .

I’m going through the same thing! My child’s sperm donor wasn’t in his life for 12 years, hes now 14, he was raised by his step dad since he was a year old. He calls him dad! Now his sperm donor is in the picture and gets mad because he doesn’t call him dad, he calls him by his name! The kid is 14!!! He can call him whatever he wants! His step dad is his dad no matter what! He says himself his sperm donor doesn’t deserve to be called dad!

If he takes you to court which I doubt he will…He can ask for that to be put in the orders…that he calls noone else dad…my ex husband did

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It’s up to your kid!

No, no, no!!! A father is a male that offers sperm to create a child. A DAD is the male that steps up to take care of a child, nurture that child, and guide that child as they grow. Sperm donors are just that… donors. A father may not be a Dad and a Dad may not be the father. So absolutely friggen not. His Dad is exactly that… his Dad. His Father is only the sperm donor and doesn’t deserve the title “Dad.”

I don’t even have to read the rest No one should ever be FORCED to do anything they aren’t comfortable doing!!!

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He is old enough to make that decision don’t force him. If dad doesn’t want to meet let him take you to court you would like you have your shit together quit bending for a man who doesn’t care

I would flat out tell him he hasn’t earned that title and it’s between him and his son to build that bond and MAYBE his son will call him that

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My oldest daughter is 13. Me and her dad got a divorce when she was one. I now have her and an 11 year old daughter with my now husband. My ex has gotten remarried also. So 13 yo has 2 moms and 2 dads. People say it is up to the kid but I dont think I would be ok with her calling her bio dad by his first name. Maybe father or pops of there needs to be a difference between the 2?

It’s up to your son. Doesn’t matter what you or his bio dad wants, if your son wants to call him dad then he should be able to without feeling guilt and if he doesn’t want to call him dad then he still should be able to without feeling guilt.

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This sounds just like my situation my son is 9 and calls his step dad daddy his bio dad he calls by name ( David). My son was 1 when his sperm donor stepped out , never involved comes around when it convenient for him. His bio dad gets mad but oh well he done it to his self!!! My son even says he is half Mexican and says his last name is his step dad’s last name (legally it’s not).
I thank God daily for my bf for stepping up and being the man he didn’t have to be

Your ex sou do like a douche bag. You’re not wrong. As long as its your sons choice he can call both men whatever he wishes and as long as the step dad is ok with being called dad theres nothing wrong with that. Hes been his dad for 7 years, since his earliest memories thats been his dad so tell that dude to kick rocks. I got with my hubby when my daughter 2 years old and her dad dropped out of her life when she was 1 and a half. Hes been her only father for 6 years and she has absolutely no memory of who her bio dad is. She’s met him a handful of times since he got out of jail but by that point she already had a real dad and I would never EVER tell my daughter to stop calling her dad her dad just because her deadbeat sperm donor doesn’t like it. Let him take you to court. Odds are he won’t follow through anyway. But if he does that can only mean another person to love your son. I hope he steps up but he can’t be making demands like that after 10 years of being a literal ghost in his child’s life. Make sure you get everything out in court too. That you’re not to be solely responsible for transportation. That he has to stick to plans. That he has to take on at the very least half the responsibilities for things he wants to do with your son. He spunds Luke the type to go get visitation and then expect you to do all the travel when it should all be on him but I can tell you would do your best to get him to visits. Then he will try to hold you in violation when you have no car to bring him 10 hour round trips to his visits and 10 hours to pick him up. So make sure you ask the court to make transportation be his responsibility.

Your son is old enough to decide what he wants to call bio dad. If he doesn’t want to call him dad then he doesn’t want to call him dad. Plain and simple.

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Have a talk to your son and let him decide. Its not your job to appease your ex or his demands. Its your job to do whats best for your kiddo. If he wants to visit with him then he should make the effort to come see him. If he doesn’t then its on him not you. Its not your responsibility to make sure he has a relationship with your kid. I’m glad to hear that your son has an awesome Dad. Keep encouraging that relationship. My son has an awesome Dad too and knows he’s not missing out. Yay! To great step parents!