Should my sons grandparents get him half of the time his dad is gone?

My sons dad is leaving for the national guard a few days after Christmas and will be gone till mid April. We have been doing 50/50 for the past few months. (I took care of our son full time prior to that since he couldn’t hold a job and his living situation was unstable) our son is one year and eight months now. Well, he is trying to request our son’s great grandparents (whom he lives with currently) get our son half the time while he’s gone. Now I’m not against them seeing him while his dad is gone, but for half the time, he’s gone? They’re not his legal guardian whatsoever, they’re older with a few medical problems, and his dad won’t even be there, period. I’d feel more comfortable with me solely taking care of our son until he gets back with his family seeing him at their own request. We don’t have any court order saying we have to do 50/50. It’s what we’ve chosen to try to do ourselves without the court being involved. Would I be cruel to turn down his request of having our sons great grandparents still taking our son every other week for a full week despite his dad being gone?


Nope, I wouldn’t agree to them having my son half of the time. They can ask to visit but not have him half the time


Since that is where he is when his dad had him, I personally would let them keep him one night ever other week and see him whenever it’s convenient for you both


Nope! Visits sure. But nope

I believe you’re being completely fair with this if you’re being honest in the fact that they’re allowed to see the child at their request as long as it’s reasonable

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That’s a crazy idea. Tell him that’s not how parenting works. Your not co parenting with them. Idk, this is a no brainer for me. Your baby is super young too, that’s wouldn’t be in his best interest at all.


No, that’s not the agreement, he’s supposed to be taking him, not his grandparents. I would have a conversation with him about this.

Yes I would. They will not be around forever. Let them make memories. They arent going to take off with them. It will give you a break and it will help with the cost. I’m still friends with my ex’s family. They only want to be a part of their life. We have a great relationship and the same with the family. I wouldnt prevent it. Be the bigger person.


I’d maybe do a weekend every month but not half the time.


No and no court will agree with it. I definitely think they should see him lots but no


Maybe you could do like two days a week, having a toddler full-time is a lot especially for great grandparents. See how those two days work out for them it might even be too much to handle. It’s not going to be the same as when dad’s there and they’re probably not expecting that

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I gusse it would depend on the relationship he has with his grandparents if they have been apart of his life while with his father then yes I would consider it…at the end of the day its what’s in the best interest of ur son not u or his dad and his grandparents have all legal rights to visit with their grandson…u can be supportive or u can not support it


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Has he talked to them about this arrangement? I would ask to talk to them alone, without him to figure out if it is even what they want. If they are okay with it, maybe start out with 1 night out of the week and every other weekend and see how it goes. If it goes well, bump it up to more. That way you’re still getting you time and he is still getting time with the GG’s. Being older and watching after a young one is hard though, especially if dad won’t be there to help which is why I recommended starting slow and easy. Give them your contact number and maybe 2 other trusted contact numbers just in case of an emergency!

I am great grandma, I cannot keep up with my great-grandson, I think visits sure but it’s too much to be responsible for little ones. Think how you and they would feel if something happens.
Let them visit, I love my grandchildren but I can’t take care of them long term or even a week at a time.


Nope! I would allow them at the minimum one weekend per month. But, you really should consider getting a judgement order regarding custody and parenting time.


No they don’t have custody… it’s with him. No way. Visits but not the whole time.

Visits sound great, but half the time, id feel is too much. especially if theyre older & dad is not there to help. That age can definitely be a handful.

Forgranted the he sill very small i get what your sad

Have you spoken to them about this? Do they even want that? I know lots of grandparents raise their grandkids when the actual parents can’t/won’t, but most of them would rather not be doing so. If your child has an actual parent who is willing to put in the work, common sense says to me that you should do all the parenting if the other parent is not available. The situation you want to respond with is the right choice, in my opinion.

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Visits are the way to go. Has anyone asked how they even feel about this situation?

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I’d allow it. My grandmother was my everything and when she passed a part of me did as well. But still until this day that was my best and most favorite bond. Grandparents aren’t around forever so I’d encourage the time spent now :heart: but in reality can they keep up with the little one still is the ultimate question.


ummmm no they should have visits maybe once a fortnight or even sleep over every second weekend but not 50 50 too much on them too much on little one

Umm, I personally would not be letting them have him half of the time! That’s ridiculous! They are not responsible for raising their grandchild. I’d let him see them often, but definitely not 50/50

Does the dad live with them? So is your son used to seeing them half of the time? If not, then no. If yes, then you should set aside a day or 2 here and there for the 3 to continue what they’re used to.

Not at all . Visits for a night each weekend sound great.
If health concerns are a factor, don’t feel bad! He is a baby Nd can not tell you what is going on .

Its up to you, if you dont want to then just say no it sounds like they are trying to help out if your used to having that free time to yourself, if you have work comitments or other things, its your choice at the end of the day.

They can see him maybe some weekends so you get a break. But no, not 50/50. Hes the father, not them.
They might even use it for resentment if you did it too.

Go to court get a custody agreement. Even if you both want it to stay the same. If you say no to his parents getting them there is nothing forcing you to. But at the same time if you don’t have an agreement nothing says he has to give you the child back… He is the parent it isn’t kidnapping. He could just not take your child back to you. An agreement lays out a safety net in case things go sour between you two. It’s safer. For now make an arrangement you can both get behind don’t be unbending but also don’t agree to anything you aren’t comfortable with. I will tell you this … most of my friends from the Army had to give up temporary rights to their children while away for training. To ensure that, God forbid, if their children where hurt or in danger someone at home could make decisions in the best interest of the child.

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Really depends on how old your son is.
Also have you asked your son? Does he have a bond with them and wants to see them?
You dont have to necessarily do 50 50 but he could still go over even a half of what he used to.

Maybe let your child stay 2 nights a week? I loved sleeping at my grandparents house when I was younger. So many memories and sadly, they won’t be around for ever xx

Let them have him when his dad normally has them for example every weekend. His child has the right to see them and dad has the same rights as you if no court orders

Maybe one weekend a month. And maybe he can go over for dinner during the week. I wouldn’t do half the time and it’s probably a lot for them.

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Nope, they aren’t in that 50% of time so it doesn’t count and isn’t necessary, as he isn’t there. So full time with you and a visit to them if necessary

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Is it your sons grandparents or great grandparents? If it’s great grandparents then no because they must be really old and might not be able to suit his needs constantly running after him ect.

If they have medical problems and are older then no way in hell would they have my almost 2yr old I dont think so

I would suggest maybe visits a few times a week but little ones are tiring and if its great grandparents that may be too much

Until its court ordered you do not have to let your son go. Your have full custody so what you say goes weather they like it or not.

When my brother moved out of state, my mom took my niece on his weekends. It turned out to be the best thing for her.

No way that boy needs to be with you your his mother they can visit him ,hes too young


If they’re good grandparents, I personally would let them. They must be used to seeing your child 50/50 anyway because the father lives with them. There’s nothing like grandparents and they won’t be around forever, especially if they’re great-grandparents. Let them enjoy their time with their grandchild. My daughter is only 2 and always wants to see her grandparents, no matter what side of the family they’re on. If they can’t handle it I’m sure they’ll let you know. You don’t have to let him go, but it would be a kind thing to do. Who knows, maybe they won’t be able to handle him 50/50 and he’ll end up back with you more anyway.


Ask him if you could start with every second weekend and build up untill you are more comfortable. Or something that works for you to be more comfortable with them.

I would keep my son with me and let the grandparents have him for a weekend whenever you want the too.


Don’t do it.
Visits and such, but no 50/50. I doubt they would want that much at an elderly age, either.


No. Depends on their health. If they’re healthy let him enjoy them. They want be here forever

I would consider maybe every other weekend or weekends. Grandparents are important in a childs life. Lord knows my own, and my daughters are amazing and they love her to death. Every other week is a bit much and I would not be comfortable with that. Id try and find a middle ground as I stated earlier. That way they can still be actively involved with a routine set time. They get to see him and be involved. You get a much needed break here and there. Thats just me though. Most grandparents have some type of medical issue. That should only be a factor if it would impact their ability to care for your child as he needs.


Nope, old and with medical problems is not happening for me. I’d gladly bring the baby over to visit every other weekend, or more if that’s possible but they are NOT the parents and do not need to get equal time. There’s nothing wrong with lots of visits though.


I believe during the dads time he can assign who gets the kid per his approval thingy. Id ask a lawyer.

Yes it sounds like you should keep child with you and only let them visit.

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No I completely agree. As they should be able to see their grandchild as well through that time. Family is important and never know when you’ll see them again


No… not cruel at all. Just try to make as many visits as possible for your son. Family is very important.

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Read your custody papers thoroughly. Many court orders have a "right of first refusal " basically, what this means is that if one parent cannot exercise their scheduled visitation with their child, then the other parent gets first say if they want the child, before any relatives or babysitters can watch the child. If that isn’t in your paperwork, no biggie… the great grandparents don’t have custody or visitation rights without a court order. I wouldn’t keep them from seeing the baby, but definitely manage the visitation. Also, write up your own agreement and have them sign it before allowing any unsupervised visitation.

They could see him whenever but he wouldn’t be with them solely while dad is gone, especially at such a young age. If they don’t like it then too bad. Being a grandparent myself, I don’t know that I would WANT that obligation. I only say this because I have been raising a grandson who is 17 and we’ve had him 9 yrs now. No we don’t regret it, but a child needs to be with his parents.


It’s not cruel. I don’t let my daughter go with the great grandparents on the dad’s side, or even the grandparents for that matter, unless he is present. But there is also certain circumstances and issues that I believe make it unsafe for my daughter to go anywhere with that side of the family unless her dad is present. You do what you believe is right, because even with a court order for 50/50, it wouldn’t apply because the other part of the agreement isn’t there. It’s a special situation.


Your child can never have too much love so absolutely let them be as big a part of your sons life as they want to be (as long as it’s a healthy relationship), but he’s so young I can’t see letting them have him 50% of the time. I’m sure the Dad’s worried his child will forget him and the grandparents also want the relationship as a connection to your child’s Dad. It sounds like he’s turning his life around joining the National Guard. If your sons Dad is able to Skype or FaceTime I would allow him to do so with his son. I can see letting your child spend the night or the weekend, just not 50% of the time. Best of luck.


The grandparents have the right to see him. When there is a separation between parents and one of the parents goes to active duty he is required to appoint someone to be his advocate for his child. He can give the custody to you or one of his family members. We just went through this with our grandson when his father was deployed and he wanted to give his custody to a half sister that the grandson did not even know. The judge said he had to go.

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I don’t think it’s a good idea. Your little one is too young to deal with this emotionally. He may develop fear and anxiety in such a new situation without his dad there. Frequent visits are fine and if you feel ok an overnight here and there.


I think you need time with your son while his Dad is gone they can babysit when you need them! God bless you and your son!

That’s pretty old to handle such a young child so I don’t think you are being unreasonable…btw…I’m 77 so I know about old and stamina!


Your child’s great-grandparents? No, you’re not selfish. At that age, they don’t have the energy to keep up with a toddler for a whole week… every other week. Too much can happen on their watch. I think having the baby spend the night once every other week sounds reasonable. Drop him off around 6 pm on a Friday and you pick him up at 6 pm the following day.


Yea I say, no! Visits are great but why put that on the child. Keep stability in a time when daddy is gone. That’s a lot he is putting on everyone.


Talk with the great grandparents yourself and see if this is what they want . leave the door open for them to call you to collect your son if he becomes too much for them.
How lucky you are to have an ex with family that live your child.
If dad was home and had his 50% time, you would never know how much time the baby spends with the great grandparent and that is ok.
Don’t be afraid, it won’t be long before he is more active and rambunctious and they won’t be able to spend as much time with him for their own health and sanity. Give them this time together.


No that is not cruel!!! It is your chose…Do what is best for your child…It is his well being you should be concerned with…Give them time with him as I am sure he loves them …


Sounds like you need to talk to the elders of the family as to what they are comfortable with, not what the father is requesting. Maybe they would like to see him for a few hours every few days, possibly times when the father can video chat with his son, but honestly, it needs to be up to the elders and how they can handle not the father.


I would think that a toddler would be a lot for them to have for any length of time. It might be nice for you to let him visit with you for an hour or so here and there. I think they are afraid he will forget them. Offer visits. I will bet they will accept.

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I dont see why not apart from the medical issues BUT if they can handle it then sure. IF the dad was not gone then he would have them for that time right ? So if he wants his parents to have him then they should. What if you decided to let him spend a few days or a week at your parents house , should the dad be able to say no to that?

I would talk to the grandparents. They might not want to take care of a child that age for a week at a time


It’s a safety issue. In case of a fire or other emergency, they wouldn’t be able to get her out safely. By all means take your daughter there to visit. But live with you.

He is way to young to be with elderly great grand parents for a week at a time. Kids that age are robust and always jerking around in your arms and it’s hard for the parent to keep the child from falling, so u know it will be hard for the grand parents. Out of a sense of caution for the well being of the child, I would let them visit at their request, but that’s it.


Great grandparents, no. Unless they are the ones that have him when dad is supposed to. Even then if you are not comfortable with it, still no. I have one of my grandson’s every summer and alot during school. I have my other 2 grand son’s every now and then. I am 54 so not so old I can’t take care of them but by the time the 2 Littles go home I am wore out. I can not imagine my M-I-L keeping any of them more then a few hours.


Only do what you’re comfortable with. They have no legal rights to him. And with no court order he can’t demand anything anyways. And even if there was one… if he’s gone and he’s not taking him so you don’t have to do any of that.


Not cruel at all. It would be in the best interest of your son and the grandparents for you to have him all the time with them having time with him also but not as much as he’s asking. He needs to understand their age and health issues are putting your son at great risk of bad things happening. Good luck whatever happens.

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I let my kid’s go with their grandparents (when they were little) while their dad wasn’t there so they could still have a relationship with them thought i was doing the right thing turns out she turned my kids against me told them so many lies about me. Now that they are grown we still don’t have much of a relationship :cry:

I’d say no to the 50/50 visitation. If your child isn’t around them much and doesn’t know them very well it can be traumatizing to the child, especially if Mom isn’t there with him. You could always make a visitation schedule with them where they could join you and the baby at the park, McDonald’s, or any other neutral site for a visit. The choice is totally up to you. He is YOUR child and YOU are raising him so it is YOUR choice to make a decision that you feel comfortable with. Don’t let him bully or coerce you into something you’re not comfortable with. Your son is still young and to be separated from what & who he is comfortable and used to can be traumatizing to him. I think, as long as it is a good & civil interaction, then you can keep them and the Dad updated with pics and messages about the baby. When Dad does get leave time or returns home, then you could slowly re-integrate him back into the daily schedule.

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I take care of my granddaughter 3 or 4 days and nights a week. It’s damn hard and would not want to do a week at a time. I’m 66 and basically live alone. So health wise not bad but things happen quick. Stick to your guns and say NO!try weekends

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If he were older, I’d say try it. But he’s too young to be away from you. Great grandparents are a little old to keep up with a child that young. Let them have him for visits, maybe overnight but my opinion is no longer than that.

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how old are the great-grand parents?it takes a lot of energy to take care of a child that young,it would be a lot for them to watch him for a long period of time,but you can bring him for visits as much as they would like. it’s up to you.just remember how at that age they are a handfull. good luck to you.

No your his parent. He needs to be with his parents and if dads gone that means you. Grandparents are for loving spoiling and visits, not supplemental parents to do half the raising.

Yr child…if they aren’t to old to watch a baby that young let him go for visitation but if their to old no unless yr there with them. He needs to know his grandparents. But I think it falls solely on you if u think they are capable of watching him.

Not a chance. We’re talking about splitting custody of a 1 year old 50/50 with someone who is not his parent, and who it sounds like was not in his life in a meaningful or stable way prior to a few months ago. Not one chance this should happen, and if he pushes I’d remind him that if he takes it to court you’re likely to get primary custody based on his history.


Just depends on the medical thing with the grandparents … Maybe a night but depends on Grandma can handle it cause the baby too young to kinda take care of his self

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Absolutely would not have child stay with Grandparents. Child needs to be with a parent.

The baby is yours and it is up to parents not anyone else to care for the baby during the most critical time in their life’s. G-parent visits ok but not take him when his dad is not even there.

Absolutely not. Custody is between you and him. Legally you dont have to at all.


No. Not half time with an 18 month old. But they should get to see him.

My daughter’s custody arrangement allows the other parent to have their kids if one can’t take them.

I can’t see them having him,just a visit,it would be dangerous,at such a young age and they being to old.But I think it’s good to visit.

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Gpa and Gma s are important. Try it out 2hs go shopping. When you feel better a little more. I say do the right thing.

No, that wouldn’t be safe, they are too old to look after an active toddler

Keep your son tell them they can have him on a weekend but they have to call you and make aringments with you first you are his legal guardian your not married no court order it would be soley up to your judgment

If they’d like to have him and your son wants to go, I think it would be wonderful.

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Allow your son to see his grandparents. But not for a whole weekend. Too much. For both parties

Do what u think they are older and with health issues u should not leave baby with them

That seems weird I dont know how comfortable I would be depends on how close they are

They are brand parents not parents, the child belongs home with you

You NEED a court ordered custody to avoid these potential problems.

Grandparents fo mot have any rights no matter what you decide I dont think I would agree to that

Take him over for a couple hours like twice a week. That should be good.

No way. They’re not the biological parents so no.

No not cruel. They can petition for some visitations but let them do it through the court unless your certain they will work with you 100%. Don’t do 50 /50 They crazy!

Explain your concerns. Tell them
U can visit often. Let him stay for short periods like the weekend. And let them know u will be vhf king in more than normal.