Okay, so…my boyfriend and I got onto the topic of strip clubs - I explained I’m not comfortable with them, and him going makes me uncomfortable and gives me a bad self-confident view of myself. I already have low self-esteem already and thinking of him looking at other women half-naked really hurts me mentally and physically, he doesn’t see it as cheating, but he also said they could do things I can’t. And that seriously hurt; I feel like I should be enough, ya know? I was raised that if you are in a relationship, you don’t go to strip clubs no matter the occasion if the other person is uncomfortable with the idea. I guess I’m going to talk to him more about it tomorrow when I see him, but how do I explain how hurt I am by this? I really love him, and he claims he loves me - but why would he do it knowing it makes me hurt, uncomfortable and hating my body because he wants to look at prettier/skinnier girls? I am already hard enough on myself because of my body because my ex always used the “they can do things you can’t” and “it’s not cheating” all the time. Then he texted and said this… “Omg, why is that big of a deal two you? I’m not asking four a night two go and cheat just a night 2 enjoy myself without worrying about another person.” I’m in tears right now…
It’s not about you or your body. Do you think men don’t see eye candy on the street every day and look?
I like it when my man goes to a strip club because he might look but he brings the desire home to me.
Unfortunately you are not happy with yourself and need to actually love yourself before you will actually feel good. Going to see a strip club is no different than going to a beach with girls in string bikinis. I am going to say get yourself some help to be both mentally healthy and in love with yourself
If he feels the need to go then thats on him! I think its a place for dogs… I would never be with anyone who would want to go , what is the point so they cab fantasize over other women when he should be at home appreciating the one he has! I do not agree with strip clubs grimmy things happen there! He should not be throwing money at any girl BUT YOU! If he cant get it leave him!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should people in relationships go to strip clubs?
Go to the strip club together and enjoy the night 
Me personally I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with them. I find SOME men go at the end of the night just cuz it’s the only places open. Although if it’s giving u confidence issues and the way you see yourself yes theses a problem! It’s about respect x
I go with my husband! They are more fun than you think! The women would rather talk to you than the men.
My ol man used to go every Thursday… I started to go with him… Best time together ever… It was great!
I go with my husband. It’s actually fun 
Grow the fuck up &&go watch a bitch swing from the pole. Throw the dollar bills at her. You might like it more than your boyfriend ! 
He loves you, doesn’t love them. That’s the difference. And regardless of if he goes or not, you need to work on loving yourself. Whether a man loves you or not, his actions shouldn’t matter when it comes to self-love. Work on yourself, love yourself, be confident, be sexy, wear the sexy outfit until you feel prettier than ANY other woman.
What does he mean they can do things u can’t? I would take that as cheating no…
I get where your coming from! I feel the same way. Why would you go looking at other women half naked if you got a girl to do it for you when you want? I have body issues too, but I fill it they respect and do love you they wouldn’t do something that upsets you. But that’s just me.
The strip clubs isn’t the problem…
Sounds like this issue is more with yourself than with him.
I agree with the other ladies go with him. My husband prefers that I go he has more fun.
Nope I’m not ok with it. He wants to pay someone to strip I’ll strip for him and he can pay me least he will get laid.
Im stuck on “they can do things you cant” idgaf what anyone says “gO ToGeThEr” STFU!! THATS NOT THE POINT HERE DAMMIT!!! Look girl LOVE YOURSELF MORE and dump his azz! How dare he say that to you!!! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN WHAT YOU THINK OF YOUR SELF AND SOMEONE WHO TRULY RESPECTS YOU AND LOVES YOU WILL LET YOU FEEL THAT !!! i know you love him but love your self more!! With that comment he made i wouldve said GO WITH THEM THEN and boom bye! Even with tears in my eyes! YOU ARE A QUEEN EFF THAT GUY!!
Can we address the grammar issues please.
If he’s doing something that your clearly not ok with and have expressed this to him, I would cut your ties and move on. If he can’t respect how you feel then he don’t respect you.
I think it depends on the couple. I think you should go with him and experience it together, but also if he doesn’t listen to your concerns and doesn’t take them into account, then you’ll have to speak to him about where you both stand in the relationship. Regardless of the subject, if your partner isn’t taking the time to listen and understand why something makes you uncomfortable - that’s an issue.
You need to just love yourself period. The rest will fall into line
She clearly said she doesn’t feel comfortable,…that man doesn’t respect you period. What he said to you was awful, I’m so sorry and you deserve better. in the words of Luke Franchina “dump his ass!”
First of all get you man that knows the difference between “to” and “two”.
Secondly explain to him what you just posted. Its hurts your feelings and it adds on to your self esteem issues. I know easier said than done but if he doesnt respect your feelings and boundaries now how can yall make it in the future? Try to revevaluate the relationship itself and also try to work on your own self esteem as well. We cant make nobody love us and you set the standard of how you allow yourself to be treated by others especially a bf. If you dont love yourself nobody else will.
Throw whole thing away
Regardless he should respect how you feel. Point blank. His comments about how they can do things you can’t, would make me feel some type of way also. It’s disrespectful to talk like that about another woman, to your woman.
The clubs ain’t the problem girl. Ya man is. Remember , he should respect your feelings, regardless. But I support going together , I heard it’s alot of fun! Lol
Have you ever been to a strip club those women are not as gorgeous as you think maybe in Las Vegas someplace like that but most strip clubs have nasty nasty dope-headed women
You can always try to go with him at least one time and see how you feel about it. If you still feel uncomfortable DO NOT COMPROMISE how you feel because what you feel matters at all times! Dont allow someone to make you feel uncomfortable in any type of relationship if its not what you truly want or agree too hun. What is acceptable for some isnt always acceptable to others and thats okay 
Whew you need to look within. The fact that your self confidence depleted because of another woman is very telling. I get that you don’t want him to go to the strip club and that’s fair but you need to check your insecurities. Because next time it won’t be the strip club, it will be the pool, then the beach , then outside. When does it end? You gotta love yourself so you don’t feel threatened by other women
I love strippers. Me and the wife go watch them all the time! The strippers arnt the issues!!
Focus on yourself and start loving yourself first because you’re going to make him miserable because you’re miserable within self. You’re damaged goods right now and hurt people hurt people.
Only if you go together 
I had a relationship like this and I ended it. You already told him it makes you feel uncomfortable and that you don’t agree with it. Out of love for you he should not go. But you also don’t want to stop him from doing something that he wants to do. When it comes to the bottom line it’s his choice. But now you have a choice. He’s so adamant on going which means he will go and won’t tell you. Him fussing at you about the way you feel about it is not okay. With some couples it’s okay for the spouse to go. I know a couple where this doesn’t bother them they either go together or go separately but it’s not a problem for them. But it’s a problem for you, and for me as well. What you have to realize is that he’s going to do what he wants to do. You both are not married so he doesn’t feel like he owes you to not go. In my opinion, it’s disrespectful. But that’s the way I view my relationship. If it makes you uncomfortable then you wouldn’t want to go. I wouldn’t want to go either. You have a lot of different opinions under this problem. But it’s your decision when it all boils down. I’m not going to go back and forth with a grown man about what I want him to do. If he insists on doing it and I view it as cheating then we both have two separate opinions and the relationship is going to start to crumble. It sounds as if he doesn’t even care about how it makes you feel he just wants to go to the strip club. The thing about it is you’re stopping him from being himself and he’s going to resent you for it. I’m not going to tell you to leave your relationship over this but it only went downhill from that point for me, because if he was willing to do that and didn’t see anything wrong with it there’s more that you don’t know about. I left my relationship and I don’t regret it.
I was a dancer for 16 years. There is nothing wrong with going to a club and having some fun. I still like to go and spoil the girls when I do. It’s harmless. Go with him and if you can’t trust him to go then you don’t trust him and need a new man.
Well one I am okay with them going to strip clubs but that is me but if you have expressed your discomfort in the topic it should be a respect thing that he doesn’t if he goes knowing it hurts you and you feel this way he doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t love you then u need to leave his ass another thing is he brought up it’s not cheating but you had said it was a self esteem thing for you meaning that he’s trying to defend an action he will do no matter what you say about it knowing it is morally not right so I’m short term leave him
My husband and I go together never without each other. We pay this game where we pit the dollar bills on each other where we want to see the stripper remove said dollars from them. I think it’s a fun to do together. We have had our fair share of issues in our past and we’ve been able to work through them and have an understanding that their are some things you don’t cross with someone people that you can with others and respecting that line. If he can’t respect that then you need to voice to him on how it makes you feel and maybe what may happen if he can’t respect that line.
Tell him you are going to the Magic Mike Show or Chippendale. See how he feels About that. I don’t see anything wrong with him going to a strip club as long as he is just looking… but this is your relationship and it needs to work for you. I agree with the majority here try going with him once
I’m not ok with strip clubs but if both parties in a relationship are consenting cool,great.
However op is not ok,set her boundaries and her man is disrespecting her by putting her down and ignoring her boundaries.
Not cool
I dont want to reply because I dont want to get attacked for having a different view. I just think that everyone has different boundaries in a relationship of what they are comfortable with and not. What works for one couple doesn’t necessarily work for another. Based off your post your gut is already telling you how you feel about it. To me it sounds like something you aren’t comfortable with and isn’t okay in your relationship. And thats okay. I think you already know how you feel and thats why you asked. Thats just want I picked up on. There’s nothing wrong if you choose that to be a boundary you dont want crossed. You make the rules for your own life and your own relationship.
Look it’s simple enough don’t listen to anyone and live your life. You give too much power for others to say how you should hold down your own relationship and life. What does it matter what we think? Go do what you feel is right and if you’re unhappy set your limits and do what’s best for you.
Go with him why? I wouldn’t wanna go with mine if he went. I’m not attracted to other women so to me there would be nothing fun about seeing a bunch of women shake their asses n boobs when I’m already so unhappy with my own body. Especially since most of tjem are thinner. It would make me feel WORSE to actually see him ogling them
You need to be away from him as soon as possible !!
“ They can do things you can’t “
Really !!! Go Girl Go !!!
He needs to start taking you to they gym and start drinking your food and drink more water he knows your insecure he does not respect you so he continues and he is selfish love yourself upgrade your for a better person deserving
Go with him to club. If he doesn’t want you there then you know he’s scum. Bail now while going is good. I’d have no problem if it’s like a one off, maybe a bachelor party but if it’s every weekend bail now.
He shouldn’t go if it makes you uncomfortable, however** he is not responsible for how you view yourself and your insecurities. That’s something you and only you can fix. To project that on your man isn’t fair, nor is it fair to put that responsibility in his hands. I’ve been there girl, when you fix you and are comfortable in your relationship that stuff seems silly.
Cheating is anything that breaks the trust between you and your SO. While I don’t care if my boyfriend would go, even though he never would. I think that your boyfriend not validating your feelings and changing his ways is a problem and needs to be addressed. Wrote a letter about how you feel. It gives you the chance to say everything you need to say without being interrupted or change what you’re going to say based off of how he reacts.
This subject pisses me off.
I don’t want my fiancé going and he should have no reason to go either. If he wants to see a naked lady dance around - ok ask me and I will!
Men that are in committed relationships should have no reason or want/need to see another woman naked. This is my personal opinion. To me - it’s a form of cheating. Agree or disagree, I don’t care.
My fiancé and I were discussing this topic yesterday when discussing his future bachelor party.
I feel like he didn’t need to say that they can do things you can’t when he might not know if you can or not. I didn’t like that he said that. But if you are uncomfortable with him going by himself than go with him me and my ex husband use to go all the time it was fun I got hit on majority of the time. Lol
grow up let him have some fun
Love isn’t supposed to be selfish. U should never ask someone to stop what make them happy to make u happy cuz that’s selfish (as long as u are not hurting anyone or hurting urself u should be able to do what u want in life )
Just book a male stripper to your house…
See how he likes it 
This isn’t ok! Would he be happy for you to pay a hot dude to swing his cock in your face??? I think not!
Those suggesting you ‘go together’ is messed up, if you have body confidence issue then it’s not going to make you feel better.
Tell him how you feel, if he puts a stripper before you then he’s not the one 
It’s not his place to boost your esteem…ergo it’s called ssself esteem. It’s a fantasy world.bitches are walking around dayam near naked all day…he sees them too. You don’t have to be comfortable he is and he didn’t ask you to go. You’re crying cuz you’re fat andor flabby. Get your shit together maybe learn how to do sexy dances…and he may not go as often. Perhaps you shuuud go once and take mental notes …have you ever been …you sound like one who hasn’t and imagines what’s happening. Crying over a strip club…crying becuz hes looking at other broads…you’re doing wayyy too much. It’s not him that needs fixing it’s you! Y’all be expecting men to walk around blind. You need to fix you thennn try a relationship.
With all due respect, you need to work on your insecurities and self-esteem issues. Nothing kills a relationship faster than those 2 things because they limit your ability to trust.
I could not go and see womens asses. See what he says if u wanted to go to a men’s strip club? If he has to look at other women to get off i would find that an insult. If u have to go with him ur selling urself short. Next thing he may want a 3 way. I could not watch women’s parts unless u enjoy it.
I’m not into it at all, I wouldn’t want my husband going. I find it highly disrespectful to the one you love
Him going by himself is a different story but go with him unless you’re prego lol different story, but you actually might enjoy it
I know this is gonna sound a little weird but my dad and my stepmom when I was about nine months old to about six years old they would go to strip clubs all the time together and they’re still together to this day they’ve been together for 25 years they were often on before my dad met my mom and then had me I’ve considered it but I also have a very bad underlying trust issue with my current partner
They are good fun. Go together and enjoy yourself.
I know a lot of people have been saying you need to love and accept yourself first, but that definitely takes time to come to that realization. It depends on how recently her ex and her broke up because if he said those things too, and her current bf is saying it as well, it would bring down my self esteem as well. I would really talk to him and ask him what can they do that I cant and I hate to say it, even if your uncomfortable with it, go with him once to see what’s hes talking about. Go in separate cars that way if your feeling uncomfortable you can leave. But if he cant accept you the way you are or aren’t into the possibility of changing the things you can, it might be a good idea to just take a break from dating and just find yourself first. And find someone who loves you for you.
I would break up with him purely based on the way he speaks. Two and four are numbers, I believe the words he is looking for are ‘to’ and ‘for’.
Dump him. Simple as that.
Obviously he has no respect for you or how you feel. He shouldn’t need to go look at other women. I would tell him fine if you want to go then I wanna go too and see what all the excitement is about. If he refuses you need to reconsider your relationship with him. If he takes you with try to be open to the experience and pick up new pointers on how to dance proactively for him. A good relationship takes both partners willing to do things for the other even if it takes them out of their comfort zone a little. I went to a club once and it was definitely a different kind of experience and the women wanted to give me lap dances not the guys.
I see is as long as he ain’t having sex with anyone it ain’t cheating. Besides he’s coming home to you. I’ve bought my ex a lap dance, No biggee. I guess you have never been to a strip club. Maybe you should go to a male strip club. Do you mind if he watches porn too ? Nobody really measures up to those girls so don’t sweat it.
If he cannot recognize what makes you uncomfortable, and it becomes a conversation deeper than “I feel uncomfortable,” you need to drop his ass. Your emotional well-being is superior to his lust.
He does not care about you feeling uncomfortable. He wants to watch naked women at the very same moment you are crying yourself to sleep. You cannot trust him. He is not worthy of your affection or love. He is immature and cares only about himself. Drop him immediately, or suffer years of pain.
I let things like strip clubs slide, because I wanted to be the cool wife. He was cheating on me the entirety of our marriage. The close friends and family I had who warned me about him early on had disappeared. I was alone with my pain.
Do yourself a favor and dump him.
I go to the strip club with my bf n I let him go without me as well the girls are always nice half of the world is prettier then me but I no what I bring to the table if hes willing to throw it all away that’s on him I love him n if he loves me he also knows I have no problem starting over I’ve lost it all n got it all back u gotta love yourself first if he the right one he’ll respect u
If you have expressed yourself and that it is a boundary for you and he can’t respect it or stay on the right side than he’s not the one for you.
It’s called respect. If he respected and loved you after telling him how it made you feel he would stop!!!
First and foremost, he he can’t distinguish “to, too, two & for, four” you’re wasting your time with him!
Reality is: your insecurities are yours to deal with.
He can’t fix them, I can’t fix them, YOU are the only one who can.
Second: if he’s invalidating your feelings, that’s never going to change. He’s always going to use that against you… if not for a strip club, it’ll be something else.
Lastly: just go with him, he probably wants to go because you’re so against it.
It’s all up to you, some couples enjoy it. It only works if both do. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Talk to him about it and see if you can accept it or move on. It’s super simple. It’s OK to both feel either way. Find a middle ground maybe 
As long as they go together sure 
Or go with him🤷🏿♀️ have some fun
My other half had a lap dance paid for him on a lads trip away like hell it hurt but I don’t hold it against him I let him know how it made me feel and shoe on the other foot I think things would be different
Reverse psychology make him believe your ok with it and that your going to go do your thing like go to an all male review. Bet he won’t like that! And tell him they can do things he can’t! Lol! And see how that makes him feel!
Hell go with him it’s fun even more fun with your lady
If he doesn’t respect your personal boundaries, he doesn’t respect you. It doesn’t matter the circumstance, if you tell him what he is doing is making you uncomfortable and he doesn’t fix it, then he’s either too immature for a relationship or simply put is to selfish.
Definitely more fun if u go together but if not let him go. If u can’t trust then why be together
If he knows it bothers you, he shouldn’t do it. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer because everyones relationship dynamic differs. What is a big deal to some might not be a big deal to others. However, it’s a big deal to YOU and he should respect that.
From a momma / sister / Grammy/ auntie
It’s not really about you - it’s about him
Examine whether or not this is a pattern in your relationship
His wants
His needs
His choice
His opinion
While his choice of words and opinion on his entertainment no doubt hurts your feelings and self esteem … what hurts more is that His opinion is more valuable to him then yours
This is what I’ve told every single young gal pal in my circle … you are getting a preview to your future NOW !!
If during the dating phase , the honeymoon period, you find major issues, questions, red flags
Pay Attention!!!
Listen to your gut
You know the answer already
STRIPPERS DONT WANT YOUR MAN. THEY WANT PAID. WHY can women not grasp this?! - a former stripper
IF YOU TOLD HIM IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AND HE DOES IT ANYWAY HE DOES NOT LOVE OR RESPECT YOU! PERIOD! It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s cheating. It doesn’t matter if you’re “just being insecure.” It is literally black and white. If he crosses your boundaries HE DOES NOT LOVE OR RESPECT YOU WHATSOEVER
Tbh I wouldn’t care if my husband went to a strip club. What’s really bothersome though is the way he speaks to you. “They can do things you can’t”. The fuck? That’s mad disrespectful. You shouldn’t have to put up with that
It’s completely up to each individual/couple. And everyone has the right (and absolutely should) to set their boundaries. And its up to the other person to choose if they respect those boundaries or not. If they choose not to for whatever reason, they may not be the right person for you. And its also up to us to work on ourselves if there are issues. (We all have them to different degrees and for different reasons). It’s not anyone else’s responsibility to “fix” us…and its not our responsibility (nor are we capable) of “fixing” anyone else. Your feelings/needs are valid…whatever they may be.
I’m OK with going to a strip club with my man. But, not every woman is. And he should respect that you don’t want him to go. I’d explain why and how it makes you feel. If he can’t respect that, throw away the whole man 
you don’t need that in your life.
He is a jerk! Because of what he says. That’s rude.
Some people are comfortable with it and some aren’t. I suggest moving on and finding someone who respects your boundaries, and he can find someone who has more open boundaries. I think porn and strip club conversations honestly need to happen early on because it can help determine if two people are on the same level so to speak.
Sounds like his interests and priorities don’t align with yours at all , the very second that you don’t feel respected and loved in a relationship whether you like clubs or not , is when you gotta step out.
We women are beautiful inside and out. And don’t let no one disrespect you dump his ass now in the future it’s going to be worse if you keep him
Definitely shouldn’t go since makes you uncomfortable, my husband goes only if I go. He did go one time for his friends bachelor party but they only went to drink which I trust him cause he never had told me that the girls there can do what I can’t. That is something you never tell someone you love! If he has the need to tell you that then he is no good for you. You deserve someone that loves you the way you are.
smh learn to love yourself…
You should not go and he should not go.
I go with my husband
Hell I want to go go to a strip club and get a lap dance would you rather him not have told you? This is why if you want to go to strip clubs and go clubbing I would rather be single now if it doesn’t feel ok in your gut dump his ass his loss and yours too and it sounds like you’re not ready to be in in a relationship but that’s how it sounds to me please don’t stay if this is not what you want it’s better to be single and love yoself then be with someone and be miserable you can hate what I say but I’m just trying to help
He is a an ass because he is playing on your insecurities. Work on you and drop him like a bad habit.
Girl drop this dead wait of a boy off and find yourself a king who respect when his woman says she’s not comfortable with him visiting an establishment or putting himself in a situation… as a king will realize his queen is his all and protects his best interests and does it all for him!
No it’s not ok and people who think it is have no respect in their relationship. When your in a relationship both people should be happy enough with each other if they have to go eye wondering he ain’t the one. If he says he loved you he would stop going immediately. I guess you guys are young and he not ready to settle. With men you can’t force them to settle until they are ready.
The real problem here is that you are insecure. Being your boyfriend doesn’t require him to live by your obligations. He is entitled to do whatever he wants to for fun or otherwise and if he cheats then that is also a choice he is free to make. Just like you! You need to work on your self esteem, him being around skinner prettier girls is something common in the world. A skinny pretty girl can work at the McDonald’s drive thru, are u going to stop him from going their too? You probably would. Which is why you should work on this issue, it’s not healthy in a relationship. And please understand being in a relationship with something doesn’t mean you own them or they you, you should still be free to make your own choices and go out with friends and do what you want to do! Even in a marriage, people aren’t property and we can’t control them based on our own selfish reasons and insecurities.
Toss his arse to the curb many more men out there. We don’t have time for that disrespect.
I could are less if he would or wouldn’t.
I’m sure he would be uncomfortable if I went, so I’m sure he don’t to respect me. Idk.
He’s clearly yold.me there’s no interest to give his money to someone with no return. He says, I’m not paying anyone to look at them! I can sit home, look at you, touch you, and keep you!! It cost way more but I get everything I want!